etiquette.

etiquette etiquette what is etiquette warty lady fellowship is pinkies out good etiquette no wrong fork mr blackwell is it proper etiquette to eat eminem's with a spoon mr truckman you haven't touched your sandwich is it about holding the door for a woman for the last time mrs fairfax elbows off the table yes hello can't you see you interrupting our dining experience how rude all this and get cultured af on this episode of in the quarantine how rude does your waiter need to be before you feel the need to say something that's a good one right what if they spill a second glass of beverage on me first time it's an accident i don't think anybody would make that a problem they come back to get you your replacement soda they trip on the first drink that they spilled they haven't cleaned it up they just immediately went to get you another drink okay fumble it and i go i'm so sorry sir i cannot apologize enough that's two drinks that's unbelievable let me go and get you another would you let them get you a third drink at this point i think i would you think you would buy the third one i'll be standing up and going you'd be at the next table over like put it down step away it depends how apologetic they are after the second one i have to imagine they'd be [ __ ] bowing at that point so sorry i cannot imagine how this happens twice what i'm worried about is like so if he spills a drink third time but then he gets injured he's smacked his head on the table on the way down and so he's just lying unconscious on the floor yeah outside of the immediate knee-jerk reaction like you do you milk it at all do you immediately suck it up and be like hold on there's bigger stuff going on here yeah you have to suck it up but then what do you do if a second waiter comes out and goes oh my god this man's on the floor but then they trip over the body right and another drink and it just lands like right on your crotch right do you then say so i don't even think i would say something at that point it's still like well the guy's still on the floor is the second dude also hit his head on the way down that's the question because the second dude you can now be mad at there's no blame the sympathy shifted to him right right yep yeah at this point you could be like this dude's unconscious yeah two drinks though bro two drinks that's on you no one in the restaurant is enjoying their meal anymore everyone's just staring in our direction this pants are soaked through and through and then the manager comes out and goes where's my two waiters my two best men my two heavy left-footed waiters yeah oh my god looking at the two unconscious bodies and one of them has died yeah i didn't know if i wanted to go that serious but i feel like that's uh are you obliged to stick around nah no i feel like i'd leave immediate dude hits his head and he's not getting up off the ground i'm leaving i'm not following up with what this had nothing to do with me i don't want to deal with the police reports that are going to ask me if i witness something they've got cameras you guys can handle it you go home and um man this was such a terrible evening uh ring ring moshi moshi you don't know me but um i'm the wife of the waiter who served you this evening oh jessica robbins yes how's it going well not so good my husband is dead what i know and this may sound odd but would you come to the funeral [ __ ] now he was dedicated to serving people and i remember he said the very last person i serve on the job is the person i want to come to my funeral for the love of [ __ ] okay fine it would mean the world to me fine fine fine i'll consider it yeah all right i guess my concern would be that they're trying to murder me so you're at the wake what okay fine whatever you're at the lake and the wife comes up and she goes i swear to god if she asks me to speak at this thing no she comes up she goes hey thank you so much for coming here i brought you a drink what do you do do you say anything no no the no it's the same thing the first dude hit his head you know the sympathies on him at this point this girl must be getting you know [ __ ] flashbacks to how her husband just died no i'm not [ __ ] saying anything i'm helping her off the ground it's okay don't sweat it i brought extra shorts that's the thing i do now i'm also wearing shorts to a funeral for some reason i think that's kind of hot yeah i don't know i don't know what else to do i feel like i played that pretty well all right well i think we've taught people a valuable lesson so that's what you do if you ever get a drink spilled on you you know make an effort and attend the funeral yeah me and your mother we've um sumito we're uh we're going out to dinner you know you just uh you know entertain yourself there's hot dogs thawing in the sink it's hitting really close to home and we leave the driveway you can hear the car pulling away and then you put on titanic right and we've never seen titanic right anyway you're loving the movie it's great it's a great movie then it gets to the bit where jack and kate are having their romance and they're in the back of the old timey car and it's all steamy right oh well you know it was the uh the restaurant was closed because of the covert i can't believe we left the house samito what are you watching uh i guess one of two things i would either turn off the tv uh and just pretend to be passed out no no we've we've like no no i get that no no i get that that's still what i would do what what so we've busted through the door we've seen you we've seen you with your eyes open watching the movie and then you would just close your eyes and turn off the television i've been asleep i haven't been watching tv for an hour i fell asleep an hour ago either that like what the [ __ ] else are you gonna do you know what i mean my parents are muslim that would have been like a very big deal i imagine no but you were like actively watching the movie right we came in and we like saw you with your eyes open right no i i get that i'm saying i would still pretend to be asleep you would still pretend to be asleep just sitting up i think that would be my gut reaction if i had never been caught with anything and i was like really young like nine or ten yeah what did you do was getting away with something would you make the snoring noises no hell no well i snore that's the thing but i guess yeah either that would be like i just or maybe not pretend to be asleep but maybe pretend i've just woken up and gone ah the tv's been on i have no idea what this was i was you guys want something look we're not buying that you're asleep why were you watching this movie why were you watching this this looks like an adult film there are six scenes in here what is this what are you watching i i would tell them i thought it was an action movie what kind of i can see some action there's plenty of action in this movie samito right before this i swear james bond was on they were shooting each other this must be a scene in the movie i have no idea if it's on the tv that's the thing if you get caught on the computer it's different because you're not just watching titanic on the computer you pulled up that adult film that's happened exactly once and i told my dad it was a pop-up and i need to update my antivirus people are tend to be like oh one at a time when you get the trolley it'll be rude to sort of push forward but you could right you get your trolley and technically you could fill your trolley with stuff and then just go i'm done shopping yeah and leave like that's not stealing that's just moving [ __ ] around it is and you could like look in other people's trolleys just stare at it and and kind of go oh that's interesting shopping and then maybe take a couple of the things you like you know what i mean yeah it doesn't belong to them yet it's not it's not theft yeah an intent to buy does not make it your possession yeah you could take a grape because it doesn't hurt the integrity of the rest of the bunch of grapes no but what if you look at the bunch of grapes and you go how come this vine has one missing well that that's more of a karen thing to do that's not a reasonable nah there should be at least three more grapes on this i can see that why don't they pick it off by the butt are you allowed to open the pundit of blueberries and take one blueberry yeah well i think the the etiquette there is if nobody's gonna notice when they're buying the thing of blueberries or strawberries or grapes right you can't take a hot dog that's way too [ __ ] obvious hey ladies want to see a real vp the nord signal quick to the nord hole nordvpn man people just don't know how much money they can save using nordvpn i need you to get out there and save them you got a chief time to suit up sorry citizen i need this more than you do help that man just stole my purse that's rough you know you can get cheaper prices on purses and aprons and other girly items by using international pricing through nordvpn.com incognito and get 68 off the two-year plan and a free month also you're welcome region specific pricing on steam what the hell i know right cheaper games on steam you are welcome rejoice good people share in the spoils of my savings using the url nordvpn.com incognito to get 60 hips in a two year plan why not all right this city oh looks like the work has already been done he's the vpn this city needs but not the one it deserves so anyway ladies you can save [ __ ] with no he watches over us 68 percent off [Music] my dad doesn't understand uh the internet fully well yet he's got an ipad now yeah but maybe two three four years ago whenever my mom went to visit our home country she went on her own because i refuse to go all i do is eat street food and get sick right yeah so i get home one day i can hear that the tv is on you know like the static or whatever so i was like oh my dad didn't live yeah open the door and my dad's watching porn in the living room oh my god i don't think he says anything maybe he just gives like a like a like a oh you know he just jumped up a bit and i just sort of put my head down and then went into the it went into my room and then yeah uh like an hour later half an hour later i'm like going to get a glass of water and he's like hey uh did you catch what was on the tv and i was like yeah and he was like don't tell your mom and i was like why would i tell mom why the [ __ ] would i why the [ __ ] would i have that conversation with mom i bet that was a relief though as soon as someone else is brought into the dynamic like don't tell your mum i bet it's like oh thank god this isn't about the awkwardness between me and him now yeah it very much was because later we did have a smart tv and my dad comes to me one day and goes hey how do you delete the search history on youtube and i was like i need to teach you how to do this actually you need to know how to do this so i go down to the search history and his most recent searches were like food coffee blah blah whatever and then i click into that tab and the four searches after that are like porn stars and i was like okay and he was like wait wait don't go that far and i was like chill i know what i understand this here's the button to clear the search history and he was like okay cool and then a year after that not that long ago i get him an ipad and he calls me and he goes cement your mom was out of the house so i was like all right i'll be by here's one thing i've noticed 5g people say oh that's ridiculous 5g and gonna hurt you and i agree oh okay if you start going on about 5g towers you had to get together you know people mostly tune out yeah i mean i'm not listening currently yeah exactly but let's say you went to someone's house and you took their wi-fi router okay and then started holding it next to their baby's head right all of a sudden you'd get in trouble yeah and it's like i feel like it's more etiquette around babies though yeah but it's like hold on a minute i thought you didn't believe it whatsoever but as soon as you put it next to their baby's soft skull right they'll go well don't do that please right at the very least yeah could you not yeah i feel like if you drop the stakes just a little bit like if instead of your newborn baby it's like your dog or something i feel like much more people would be like i mean yeah that's weird but whatever it's not gonna hurt anything i feel like you introduce anything to a baby it just sets the stakes too high yeah oh the safety's off it's like i don't care if the safety's on get it away from the baby yeah that's true okay yeah you could be like there's no bullet in the chamber there's no magazine in the gun this thing is just a replica yeah it's only a cap gun anyway can i pull the trigger no yeah exactly yeah exactly yeah you could probably have something that couldn't even be very dangerous like you could have two spoons yeah i was gonna get about two or something like a spatula yeah two spoons and just hold them next to a baby's head eventually tell someone would tell you to stop yeah yo get away from my baby you weird hobo like what are you doing with two spoons just holding two spoons what's the problem yeah exactly have you ever had situations where you've done something wrong but it's too complicated in the moment to explain what you've done wrong and you just have to kind of give up okay so this happened to me once i was at a dinner and there were maybe a dozen of us and we're we're all at this table it's like an outdoor setting and we're we're joking around i think we were talking about being rude to wait staff right i said oh yeah like the french where they just put their hand in the air and snap their fingers and say gas on right and i did that motion and then a waiter saw it and came over right and i was mortified because effectively i had just done the thing right i see oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't mean to to to bring you over like that and he had this look on his face like what and then i'm like trying to explain it and there's like a dozen of us there and it's like loud in a restaurant and it's like i've just done like the rudest thing and then it's like there's no way to explain and so you just go yeah i'll have the chicken schnitzel please at least in a french accent come on at least pretend you're a french tourist yeah and then it must have been like other people at other tables have seen it as well it's like i can't go over to them and explain to them right right has anything like that ever happened to you we saw him plant sitting at one of the neighbor's houses right so i'm supposed to go to the house every day or every other day okay dump some fish food in the fish tank water the plants and not order any pay-per-view porn on their teeth they didn't explicitly say that last part but i learned this after the fact wait how old are you how old are you i mean i wasn't 10 so 13 14 maybe okay they have a smart tv i don't have cable but i've never just had loan access to to pay-per-view and being able to order stuff so i'm browsing through the tv i'm just watching tv who's going to get mad at the plant sitter watching tv right and i'm browsing through the sections and i find the sections that say adult only or xxx or 18 plus or whatever everything's got a free preview to it so i'm watching the free previews you know at this point like i remember specifically think i was like this is wrong i don't want to get caught doing this but i have to know what a vagina looks like because i have no clue right i must have been younger let's say 12. and i was like that's what i'm gonna do yeah right find a scene i'm gonna find something where a girl shows her vagina and then i'm out of here and then i'm gonna be more knowledgeable than when i went in and this will be a net positive for me and i'm supposed to get paid 60 bucks for house setting their place for nine days and she calls me over gives me a text maybe knocks on my door i don't remember how we got in communication that day and she sits me down and she goes did you order anything on the tv and i was like uh i don't think so i uh not i don't think so and she was like we got a receipt for you know a certain film that we know is an adult film and immediately she goes i'm not going to tell your parents but did you order something on the tv and i was like i flipped through the tv i clicked on some buttons i'm not i swear i don't remember ordering anything of that nature turns out i didn't actually watch a free preview i did in fact order something that was 25 bucks that she took out of the money that she was gonna pay me and i was like cool um all right i'm gonna go home yeah so she just wanted the honesty out of you yeah and i couldn't even hear that i mean they live in the neighborhood so i see them like walking their dog and stuff at some point her husband walked up and was like just admit that you ordered something on the tv and i was like i don't know what you're talking about man and then we stopped talking after that camping okay i can't imagine any other time that i would be as polite as when i'm going [ __ ] camping you know you run into another tent say you've got absolutely no idea what these people could be like sure they could kill you and probably get away with it that's true if i ran across someone else and their tent i would not be getting anywhere near their tent yeah i would be standing about 30 feet away and be going hello right yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah yeah you wouldn't like walk up to the tent and like unzip it or knock on the tent hello oh oh submitted you want to give quick rundown on why you don't shake with the left hand yeah so considering that everybody is right-handed the right hand is always used for eating and the left hand is always used for cleaning yourself on the toilet that's right and also uh usually you you hold your sword with the right hand as well so it shows oh i don't have anything dangerous in my hand right but problem with that i have seen a lot of cute right that's nice right but e is holding his left hand yeah so is there an etiquette between like who gets the right hand and who gets the left hand you know what i'm saying yeah probably not is he like the submissive one then it's not so they why barbers feel like it's okay to put their dick on your hand while they're cutting your hair that's true that's a thing i've never said that to somebody and they have they've had no idea what i'm talking about yep but a good portion of the time it's like come on man it's like the third time this haircut like what i can you can tell me to lean to a side so you don't need to [ __ ] stretch over dude yeah i know exactly what you mean have you ever said anything no but i always move and then the sheer fact that you've moved that's the sunset of enough area that they're like oh wait a second is a signal yeah maybe i should stop doing what i'm doing i still haven't figured out i don't know where to look someone's got me in a chair and they've put me in front of a mirror and it's like oh i guess i just stare at myself right i can't stare at the barber that's no good imagine just making eye contact with someone the whole time they're trying to cut your hair yeah it feels wrong but then you just like what's staring into space having like a an existential crisis in the mirror what am i who am i and a lot of the time unless you've got like airpods or something if you've got headphones you can't exactly wear them while you're getting your hair cut you never tell them that you didn't like the haircut yeah i remember seeing a meme that was like yo after my barber does my [ __ ] if he holds up the mirror and that mirror is a picture of him [ __ ] my mom i'd still be like yeah man looks great dude thank you i remember i was at the beach in la when we went to vidcon and me and my girlfriend saw people riding up and down the beaches on these double bicycles where the seats were like side by side and they all advertised the same little shack where you could rent the bikes so i went in and i was looking at the thing and i was like i think it's 36 for half an hour but that seems like a lot for a bike and there's nine bikes outside like hardly anybody's buying these things the dude working there must have overheard me say this out loud to my girlfriend but i went to make sure and i asked him and i was like hey how much are the bikes and he was like it's gonna be too much for you buddy i was like oh okay so it must be the 36 bucks for half an hour which yeah it does seem like way too much what if rude [ __ ] it's too expensive for you yeah bruh you know what you're supposed to do in that situation what you do is you go to your local bike store all right and then you buy like eight bikes open a bike store next to them no no then you walk back to the rental place and you hold four of the bikes in each hand and you go you work on commission right big mistake pretty woman my way out of there all right samito i'm afraid i'm facing through the floor right now that means it's time to leave goodbye is he is he gone has he phased through the floor all right twitch.tv slash sumato media hey what are you doing oh oh uh um uh i was recording a thing for my channel all right well looks like looks like the room is spinning that's that's your cue to leave leave my house please okay as i low budget animate my way over to stage left see you in a month goodbye

Channel: Internet Historian: Incognito Mode

Views: 1,442,496

Rating: 4.9687176 out of 5

Keywords: internet historian, in the field, etiquette

Id: wTziIhu8yvU

Length: 21min 10sec (1270 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 15 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/BringbackCOG]

I hope you can read this, I just wanted to tell you I love the channel, I watch it all the time. Thanks for all the great vids!

[u/horse-orgys-and-meth]

Mr. Historian, may I ask you one question and one one question only. Do you pee sitting down?

[u/137-bill-clintons]

Hey dude, I always perk up when you upload. Thank you

[u/meatwood-flak]

Can’t wait to check this one out. Also, please consider doing a video on the main channel about r/wallstreetbets. You could do an episode alone on ir0nyman and controlthenarrative or just robinhood ineptitude

[u/Walterwayne]

Was about to watch The Varus saga for the 23rd time when my man came through

[u/Reed_Solomon]

Thank you NordVPN-Man I used your INCOGNITO code and saved money and also was able to organize with my ANTIFA compatriots without the pesky fascist eyes of the fascist pigs monitoring our every move. My next bike lock fash bash is dedicated to you good sir.

[u/LegateLoginod]

I said this on the yt comments, but i'll say it again here: That bit where Sumito talks about VidCon reminded me of the shitshow that was TanaCon, anyone remembers that?

[u/Verbaliskaiser91]

Your bit on haircuts is so spot on. Where are you supposed to look? I feel like I want to pretend like I fell asleep during it just out of anxiety because of this question

[u/anon423_]

Just wanna say love your vids, I hope you keep making em