Episode 57 - Molly Cows

yo it up everybody guess what it's finally here the brand new merch t mg pod calm go over there get you some we're doing 15% off orders over 50 bucks maybe get you know a sweater or a shirt or maybe all of it layer up it's up to you TMG calm now let's get in today's episode peace you gonna go or do go on three we go on three okay one two three go here at Boston Dynamics you know a lot of people think when we set out to create these robotic dogs and these fun little videos really were just getting people accustomed to the idea of the future that is to come mm-hmm and so when we started Boston Dynamics we realized that early in college we would never be able to become a Chad okay okay so our goal with Boston Dynamics and what the help of Google is that we're actually developing rowboat Chad's okay this is a counter basically a Counter Terrorist device to use against human natural chance okay what we called natty chance natty Chad's yeah gotcha okay so an anti Chad it's an anti Chen oh it is yeah oh okay it's like a Norton AntiVirus gotcha really cuz that's what that's what a natty chad is it's just that it's just a virus yeah right it's just a Trojan horse yeah sneaks into your life of course creates havoc of course so Boston Dynamics our goal by 2030 is that we'll have a one-to-one ratio of Robo Chad's robot Robo anti Jets Robo anti chance right didn't a tee chance that's amazing yeah and so our goal is to just kill off all Nandi Chad's and then we'll set the anti Chad's to self-destruct oh okay so this is I read something about your guys's Robo Chad or the Chad bot X initiative sorry yeah this is part of the Chad buttocks yes you should have okay when I read that I was wondering what it was yeah and it's the Robo anti Chad I see yeah okay and once we eliminate all natty Chad's the women on this earth will have no choice no other choice yeah but to turn into lesbians because there's there's no real men left no alphas life there are no alphas life so now did the anti Chad's the anti Robo Chad's robot Robo anti Chad not tomato tomahto right yeah did they self-destruct because the women were just end up dating them if they didn't exactly yeah we can't we can't have is even though they're an anti Chad they're still there's still a Chad well yeah it's still like the antidote to Chad so they start to be like equally as alpha just right the other direction right and like they're so beta that their alpha yes okay I see yeah and the problem is that we equipped them all with dogs oh they're already set to go oh okay cool what kind of dog well the you know the dog is highly customizable but no matter what dogs yeah okay Chad dogs okay but no matter the size you can kick the [ __ ] out of him as you can see on our YouTube videos that you can kick the absolute [ __ ] out of them and they still stand what kind of dog what kind of what breed of dog would be a chat Oh like a it's like a like a Doberman or Doberman yeah yeah yeah probably a Doberman yeah I always say that with a P Doberman Opperman yo would I be sure boy Doberman Doberman pincer new tape dropping on December 19th did called chillin with my dogs yeah oh [ __ ] there you go uh Doberman track one who let me out the cage dude who let me out I don't know if you guys hear this or will this stop I'm just okay I'll stop no no actually examine it now explain it he has it's like what we said last time it sounds like you put a seashell up to your ear it's like this blowing wind in the background we can't [ __ ] figure out what's causing it something for some reason something changes with our configuration every time we come in we don't touch it and we don't touch it no this today we came in here my my my my crews wasn't working yeah and someone had turned off the [ __ ] phantom power you know I won't bore you with the technical entails yeah someone turned off my phantom power yeah 48 volts yeah Pacific phantom phantom power is what you use to fight you're right what happened well I started going into a bit than I realize it's a bonus I was so bit so we'll just leave it for the next bonus episode can we can we just apologize for all the people that did listen to the bonus episode well not not getting the [ __ ] Ichabod brain oh yeah [ __ ] yeah we should know how there was right in front of us how our brain lick my balls bein a copepod brain like my balls bein oh yes I do pain too much yeah I want to ripped those are so much better than these ones yeah cuz we get to go ham yeah there's no ad yeah [ __ ] hardest [ __ ] yeah hard in the heart in the party of paint we talk about come for 40 minutes no yeah neck neck for 40 min yeah yeah we were talking about Ichabod Crane giving that good neck yeah so Lana so hard and you were like [ __ ] you were like this [ __ ] about I don't know why they call you the headless horseman because this is fire yeah that and more on your bonus episode yeah sorry yeah and that's why I won't ruin it what I was going on man I feeling I mean we had a night yeah a man I I just my body is just still working yeah so hard to digest this [ __ ] pasta yeah we had Jonathan his last night and boy did we hit it yeah we really done did something we done did some hmm yeah went in it was it was yeah my stomach is so [ __ ] right yeah I woke up I just felt like like a pile of like waste it's it's good to do that every now I agree yesterday was a gluttonous day for me in general why I walk up you know and it's been hard for me to get back like working out like how I used to yeah and I look at like videos and like just old pictures like I had really kind of blown up I didn't realize what that 9 pounds did to me oh yeah it looked decent now I'm just like back it was probably more than 9 pounds oh well no yeah I mean yeah I definitely put on like 15 or 0 so now I'm making a weird like kind of not there but if I look in the mirror and it's like I'm thin black I still have muscle mm-hmm but it's just like that's a good place that's where you want to be yeah but whatever so I wake up yesterday morning I'm like yeah i think i have doritos for breakfast and i just opened a bag of salt not salsa Doritos or spicy nacho okay just ate that in water at 11 a.m. Jesus Christ and I like actually I shouldn't be talking I had his Snickers and a twitch quick its twitch a Twix Jesus Christ twigs for breakfast yes morning that's what I had nice after [ __ ] waking up feeling like ass I decided the thing that make me feel better as a candy bar nice dude yes so it was a that I did that and then I went ahead Hawaiian barbecue and then we went and Jesus Christ I just went in he just went in there beast beast absolutely be stood that food I'm sorry this this sound is so funny I know you like Graham this conversation on a cliff it's the sound of the air of the cliff above the beach that Cody and I are gonna kill ourselves at 35 chest Jesus sorry we're just looking out I'm gonna be this yeah gonna be this conversation yeah and we're gonna have our mics out there on earth yeah everything and it was a good run one last episode it was cool Jesus take real quick welcome to the TMZ tour custom boob thank you for calling TMZ tour customer service how can I help you hi yeah I bought a ticket for the tour and now I see that you posted upgraded venues and stuff and the old shows aren't on there so are they canceled or that's an excellent question let me start by getting your email and let's login to your account okay for it very answer this very simple question okay take you through nine verification steps okay it's Alice okay Alex no no Alice Alice Alice Alice got it okay like Alice in Wonderland is my daughter's favorite show huh cool yeah okay Alice dot uh-huh do t yep what No okay great P er IOD yeah just don't spell it out just just the the palace and don't spell it out at gmail I got it okay what's going on here yeah so we didn't cancel any shows no shows are canceled and the the depot in Salt Lake City was so kind as to confuse the [ __ ] out of everybody everyone's so confused are now this is pretty much just a giant [ __ ] disaster yeah everything's on fire yeah nice so we didn't cancel any shows we're going to all the same shows we just upgraded 10 or so stops and added a few stops yeah thanks Phoenix and Houston and to LA shows yeah so um your if you bought a ticket and your venue is upgraded it will work at the new venue it will be honored I love it I love that phrase it will be honored it'll be honored you hold up the ticket and they get down on our knees yeah and go like this ticket register of the old welcome the elders will have you now tuples a nice yeah they honor you and they they are great Donna we are so honored to have you it's my honor it's now it's my honor no it's my oh no it's my pleasure my pleasure well the sounds sounds gone [ __ ] fine wait Jesus no now it's coming back on right back all right anyway yeah so your ticket will be honored some of you said my tickets are at will-call I would contact the venue I would assume they're gonna be at the new venue but you know clearly these promoters don't use the Internet mm-hmm and just send [ __ ] out yeah the templated emails that they made in facebook editor yeah they don't [ __ ] yeah what was it that [ __ ] venue one of the venues ripped our video oh yeah the the one that like the culty one that we made to promote that and it was like put and they just put their own like titles and [ __ ] over just random text and [ __ ] just with like [ __ ] windows movie maker is crazy them and like other watched it yeah other venues like took our flyer and that like one venue thought you need to put like like the picture a picture on Twitter needs to be the dimensions of the preview so they just mushed our flyer to make us look as tall as we actually are so dope yeah oh my god just like so bad man venue social media is pretty funny they're so terrible there's like like it doesn't like there's no real reason like how many ticket sales you really think they're driving through Twitter literally every single on their tweets has one way cuz I'm saying like every single is the conversion on those links like I don't know nobody's clicking on those things I don't know like who's oh yeah I'm gonna follow the [ __ ] the cat's cradle and cat's cradle and Carrboro to see what what shows are like maybe cuz I'm like five people here that are like actually I ya know I'm thinking like that you know that actually I might do that I might follow that cart because great that's great yeah we move now we're in Raleigh not Harborough anymore you're on Raleigh so there's my old stomping grounds gang yeah okay gang so rally did shout out rally yeah so yeah you're all the shells are the same with the exception of the upgraded venues and the new shows some of you are asking about swapping tickets you got a you got to get in touch with the venue about all that we our hands are tied and then a lot of you are like y'all just gonna skip this city we don't have we don't choose we don't choose yeah it's all literally don't choose we have no control we should just you know every city we drive by pop in yeah pop in do show so dude yeah we're just here to do a [ __ ] hot 28 seconds this was a diner yeah [ __ ] it yes get up there I mean that's just so let's get it this is an open mic yeah don't worry everything's gonna be fine yeah and the tickets are on sale now by the time you're hearing this yeah and so the tickets for the new shows the upgraded ones there's more tickets and a lot of things so check that out tiny me tour calm and we'll see you guys they were very excited yeah it's gonna be a [ __ ] awesome time sorry for all the [ __ ] confusion yeah I mean it's you know we're doing it we're doing our best to keep you on the loop but yeah get you to take a 10:00 a.m. your local time Friday what'd you do this weekend whatever we I don't leave it the days were so blurred I don't even know why we didn't hang out in days we did I know it's been every day now yeah just after the [ __ ] album and the tour we did not see each other for five months just know it's not gonna happen huh we're gonna get like maybe two weeks away from each other and then right back to it I know dude I don't know I feel like on tour it's pretty much gonna be we'll do the show we'll talk for a little bit after then we're probably just gonna both go to our bunks not silently or what just not what did you say you said something yeah sucks my own dick yes sorry I just jumped on you sorry real quick that's fine sorry yeah I talked over you there what was it we're saying you go to the [ __ ] put my balls in my mouth so and what's up junk my own dunk junk my own dunk sack yeah yeah sick yeah and then yeah then wake up and then off hold our [ __ ] yeah we get to the venue oh yeah right someone asks like how are we getting around it's gonna be a bus oh yeah yeah with five other dudes and you can't [ __ ] on the bus that's like a perfect rule I didn't know that don't [ __ ] don't [ __ ] on the bus how are you supposed to do I brought that of the Spock and he goes oh yeah man that's that's rule number one that's like sacrilege do you think that someone would tell you that if it's rule number one okay I just don't like why doesn't the bus driver just have like a giant lever and he just like drops the [ __ ] out on the road on roads no one cares about he's just like it should just be a poll released a string just cooking some suburban family like driving to go camping or some [ __ ] flies like a damn missile Oh everywhere we just cause so many like highway crashes yeah oh yeah ladies and gentlemen if you thought you're gonna get by an episode without [ __ ] yeah nice it's the [ __ ] month yeah November is brown month mm-hmm yep turkey Thanksgiving assault it's altered no yeah oh yeah yes you can't [ __ ] on the bus and then a shout-out Jay a posters road manager he goes yeah man if you got to you know I'm saying you just put a trash bag down the toilet you gotta throw up or [ __ ] you do that I'm like we got a doggie bag ourselves what yeah that's crazy that's foul goddamn that's foul and it's like picking up your own [ __ ] - it's not like someone else is picking it up yeah yeah yeah that's crazy how does [ __ ] [ __ ] and what happens if you have to [ __ ] in puke at the same time you got it like getting like a gymnastic like you shape okay I'm Sam yeah yeah I got it wait like back like backwards yeah and also like you're like you've got your head between your legs and like well like its arched around backwards right no no that wouldn't make yeah no something you put your tailbone on the toilet right and then like so your suspended you're holding the bag under and then like you wrap your head like how you normally would suck your own dick but yeah well further that you got you got you okay but then what happens if you're busting at the same time well you just that's that can be cleaned up okay that's an easy way yeah I guess it doesn't smell you just wipe up well your neck yeah yeah yes probably doesn't mind smells like [ __ ] Oh Oh Matt's gross doodoo smell enough stinky nut its take I'm sure that's the thing yeah yeah I want to just speaking of gross sex stuff just want to shout out everyone who shared a story of them leaving early during sex okay some of those were really funny oh yeah someone said I think it was a he was a girl she said she another girl was giving her um horatio okay and so she said that the girl started meowing like a cat likes and then put on cat ears no and she just she was like yeah that's it nope yeah we're at here nope yeah that's it alright any of that oh I dunno I would go for it I just wish we had like some device just off the counter device I was like eh eject seat uh-huh I could just eject out of situations that is so cold yeah that would be pretty [ __ ] cool just straight through the roof yeah you ever this is this is a weird thing that I think about sometimes what you have like the urge to suck your man's ear in real life yeah you know what I'm saying yeah yeah you just like quick on do yeah not like a weed but like not like a we're not talking about like a weird like click type movie you know I'm saying I don't want on like remote where I can rewind wherever I have the urge to be like oh [ __ ] I should have done that and then like just undo it and then I realized I can't do that in real life like I actually think I can do it like I'm weak on do and then I'm like oh [ __ ] not yeah I don't have that yeah it's pretty bad I've not reached that level of insanity yeah yeah it's fun up here do all your doing yeah yeah that's what it is you just that's the first step to going nuts you're like oh [ __ ] just undo it yeah everyone's like what what just like just hit on do quickly quickly Cody you stabbed him in there yeah just John do just do and just undo undo undo yeah but [ __ ] we're saying yesterday what about the slapstick the slapstick Power Ranger death what was it oh yeah so you're joking yesterday right so this Power Ranger like a while back stabbed his roommate to death with a katana it was a katana and like we were speculating about how he did it I was saying that like his roommate was like the Power Ranger dude was just like clutching his sword yeah his roommate was like dog for this [ __ ] down like you're not a Power Ranger he's like yes I am he's like no you're not he goes dude yes I am he's like you can't do [ __ ] with that sword and then we were joking that he just stands up and just like slices him in one move and what it was an accident he was like oh wait because he's he's like sliced him into like pieces apparently that was the story right he's not he just like stabbed him like just I don't wake him up nobody started joking that like like he just likes his sushi pieces hey just like filleted I'm just like yeah she's like yeah watch yeah well watch this I can I can to do stuff he like tries to do like the move are you like flip it in a 360 whatever and like drops it and it bounces on the floor and slices the dude and then like like weight balance back hits the wall slices his like torso and then like his roommate opens the door and goes hey sorry they didn't have hot cheetos at 7-eleven to get Talkies and hits the sword and he just like he goes to do a move and just throws it in the air on accident just like that it perfectly goes down to dude's esophagus just like turns him into the sword in the stone out of flashes like now dude hits them right here vertically it just peels the roommate opening the doors the best yeah cuz you just hear him muffled behind door yeah who wants to watch Lord of the Rings what was that what just happened because everything looks normal and the dude starts to slide off his body [Laughter] so you cool dye coat because I accidentally got diet yeah should I got some baking soda that's it's a mess Dawg y'all speaking of crazy-ass death what was that Netflix series that just came out oh hell yeah and though yep I'm a bunsen yeah it's called junk around dunk isn't it no intent no I insane insanity the medic the manic manic maniac maniac I was there Oh should I just yeah answer it okay a mossad your live hitter is our manager hey mossad you're live on the TMZ podcast how you done it's great yeah sure I mean did you have a question thanks for calling in to the show how do you how do you feel about recent political climate go ahead yeah that's just that's just kind of help that's the state of the game right now what you know we're talking about everyone's upset no we were talking about maniac or whatever the [ __ ] oh yeah right yeah jiangha hill yeah yeah right banging my hills yeah so there's a scene spoiler alert Hill there's a there's a scene in there where he's like hallucinating he's having some Jonah Hill is having some he's on a drug and him and Gemma are in like this new Gemma yeah they're in like a shared basically acid trip okay some goofy inception [ __ ] okay and so they're in this hotel room and there's a lot of drama and it looks like Jonah Hill's real-life brother is about to kill him mm-hmm he's like standing in the doorway and then the yeah he's like standing in a doorway and then the door to the hotel room just flies open and he gets his [ __ ] head blown off by a shotgun whoa boiler alert yeah but it's the shot is is so cash you just don't think it's gonna happen oh yeah like it just looks like a like a flat like boring ass shot yeah and then like afterwards like oh yeah the like the practicals were all like set up but the dudes just just head or like it notes his stomach dude opens the doorway to the hotel room and shoots out his stomach and then like that he's like he like falls into a bathtub and then the dude stand there's like alright let's go but it's the craziest [ __ ] scene she's so far it's so that's crazy I wish you hadn't ruin that yeah well cuz now I'm gonna know I'm gonna expect it you know boo are you watching it you're never gonna watch I'm probably gonna watch it it wasn't a good show like next year that was okay yeah it's like fun for the first two episodes and after that's like I don't want to do film guys yeah literally the most boring part of my personality I mean that's tough what you got a lot of boring parts yeah that's true yeah it is tough yeah I'm pretty boring all around yeah boring ass guy was good it was light up on the pod yeah anyway anyways we had a few things in the chat that were pretty solid what's been going on man did you see this Japan cybersecurity minister says he's never used a computer that's so tight that's so [ __ ] tight you got a job for something at the highest level or something you don't [ __ ] get at all but not it not even don't get like as never even yeah like scratch the surface he's calling all the shots dude he's in charge of cybersecurity as well as the 2020 Tokyo Olympics and he's never used a [ __ ] computer he doesn't know what a USB Drive is that sounds so cold that's so cool what the [ __ ] does he do he just looks just says no but what does he do I'm saying like what do you did what most of my life and I was on a computer he's able to get away with like killing people and stuff because he's like one of the nine people who've never used the Internet yeah completely off yeah he's completely untraceable never use the cellphone that's cold [ __ ] damn no data nobody has any dead which it's kind of the ultimate cybersecurity it is so yeah looks like everyone that's what I was gonna get fun of this guy is playing themselves that's what I was gonna say is this like some meta [ __ ] where he's like yeah I'm the head of cyber security because I've never used a computer that's because I know back soon as I do it's over yeah back when computers like first started I knew the guy who made the first computer and I knew it was a bad idea and I vowed to myself I'll never use this yeah you think I could see I could see that is gonna 60 years in the future is gonna become a shared network or everyone's trying to track government it's gonna track us nubret analytic ahold all that [ __ ] yeah neither Russian hackers hmm I'm saying sort of Robo Chad's robots the thing I know that's gonna happen yeah all of it and then so that's why I never used a computer yeah that's why I also I've never that's file so I haven't never had sex and I never will because I can't reach anyone there's just no point once the robot Chad's are dominating the earth yeah you ever dude that's gonna be the [ __ ] when the Robo Chad's dominate and they don't have penises which is like the ultimate [ __ ] that's another thing that's a cold ass move just to be the craziest alpha male ever know and everyone wants you but you have no dick yeah which just makes them want you more yeah like you know that crazy paradox it's like yeah when you can't have something you want it yeah like that's why Robo chatter that's why Chad's just treat women like [ __ ] right isn't that the thing yeah yeah it's it's innocent territory you see easy there's like there's a tweet that Kelsey showed me it was like it was like friend sis if you go back to him you're a clown me and then it was like a jiff of just crazy ass clown like Pennywise anyways like boobies do anyways like Jeju I felt like the louis c.k jacking off in a giant carnival car we let that one die too quickly it was a good bet I wanted that one had some legs hand oh my god he's ghost Mexico because he can't be extradited alright no more I'm still thinking the samurai sword so something so funny about someone clumsily slicing someone in like 900 guys we're gonna be right back we have to do an ad read Oh Dewey yep what love you see in a second hear that everybody that's my watch taken you know what time it is today's episode of podcasts everyone is sponsored by Vinci ro watches zero and they are currently having the biggest site wide sale of the 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right here we got it ours on right now bling in then we're bling in and go to venture of watches calm / TMG sale or click the link in the description to get some of that epic plea breath pretty Black Friday sale I can't speak man get it get it that was dope we got some more yeah go get you a watch man that's a go get you a watch strap in ya know get your time right yeah no it's not watched it it's a timepiece get your time right and we're back and we're bad was that was solid we're getting these down Japanese down yeah but no no we need to make we need to keep them long and shitty so people still sign up for the patron yeah yeah we get good at ad reads and people yeah that's true I don't know is then they won't get the premium content in the bonus episodes oh yeah such as uh look you know my goal is what to blow up and act like you don't know anybody know to blow down and need to be friends with everyone because my career's on the skids nice yeah I'm do the opposite you see that all the [ __ ] that happened with her with riff with riffraff with with laughing [ __ ] I'll tell us more Timmy do you not see that [ __ ] no he [ __ ] oh no no no the escort thing yeah what was the yeah I don't know so he like so he got like basically he's going to court some [ __ ] that happened in 2000 like when he was popping 2011 11 something like that no it was like 2013 okay he like apparently it's an escort that's accusing him and his buddy of like raping her basically like stealing her money and then being like you gotta have sex with me to get him to get it back right so before this before this press release came out he posted a video on his Instagram being like basically accusing the the lawyer that runs this brothel I was at a brothel okay of extorting him okay a million dollars cash or something like that all right and he was like shook like weirdly shook like out of character like just straight up talking to the camera be like yellows for my family and and all my fans and stuff like that just want to let you guys know this guy is extorting me and I've hired a private investigator and all this [ __ ] and you will not get me you will not get my million dollars it will not happen I'm the Pink Panther Versace Mansion or whatever the [ __ ] you know yeah and then it ends and then the next day the press release comes out that he's being sued for like eight million bucks or something like that by this person who runs this brothel I don't know man it's a messy messy a situation yo who well first of all were you running a brothel legally Vegas I think yeah yeah I mean it's like he's not the one like Odell Beckham jr. like almost died at Oh Bray you confuse it for Lamar Odom Lamar Odom yeah that is my god who's Odell Beckham jr. bro we met O'Dell at [ __ ] Dan Bilzerian splays he's like a young receiver Jesus one of the frightened Lamar Odom that's what I meant mine Oh Danny Boy Oh - OH - yeah dude one is basket ball one is football whatever man that is the most painful Canadian thing you've ever done sorry oh my god can sue me all right Lamar Odom tried to kill himself to get away from Khloe no he didn't he's like Oh Dee deter brothel didn't he yeah he was married to Khloe no I know that but I'm saying that that brothel is a legal brothel yeah and everyone has had a theory that he was just trying to end it all and Khloe [ __ ] his life up then he woke up and she's the first one in the hospital he was like oh oh I mess it up there's a crazy way to kill yourself is could kill yourself via hookers and blow he had a whole lot more and blow in a system I'm pretty oh yeah he was like on some [ __ ] really [ __ ] Jesus he went in a ball we [ __ ] his life up she's a Kardashian speaking of which we saw those we bumped into them yeah we brushed shoulders looking pumped into them yeah that makes it sound like we just like bumped into them at the market oh hey hi hi Kim what whoa time hello a lot the again no my it was that flog now yeah and we just walking through a little um little cutout in the crowd yeah we got to go and like the [ __ ] middle part that was where like her yeah every every festival I ever been I've ever been to I'm like damn I want to be in that part yeah and we finally got to go in that part and we're walking and I'm like we walked by Tyler and I was like holy [ __ ] my in my mind being like Dan was distracted by that and then [ __ ] the entirety of the kardashians walk by yeah that was wild it was crazy Kim is a lot shorter is she small oh [ __ ] I didn't see her I just saw Kendall I looked at her and then Kourtney was like I level with me and then I didn't see Chloe because I'm too short and then I looked up to the sky and next to the moon was Kendall's yes yeah shining bright uh-huh was Kylie there uh not that I saw hmm but then again you know I'm really small so I don't yeah yeah yeah so then Kendall was wearing uh like the medical mask yeah because you know ever the normal people carry infections yeah right generally poisonous yeah right I'm gonna be careful around of course yeah but and those commoners this part is sarcasm but she actually was wearing the I hope a poor person doesn't COFF on me mask huh it was like it had like 15 layers to it yeah and it was like Gucci or something yeah no no it was like medical it was just like blue medical bag like I'm taking no risks here there's nothing stylish about it it was like just don't cough on me you ever been you ever been in a festival and like scared that you're inhaling like PCP or some [ __ ] yeah like I've been in the middle of a festival crowd and there's just some weird smoke on through the air that you don't recognize my love and you're like damn I hope I don't get contact high off and PCP already in my own dick off the grossest [ __ ] well let's make sure I know we're gonna pivot like 25 different ways yeah out of the car - yeah you just have to remember to come back - okay that's fine before the end of the podcast which we won't anyway so I remember a track - bells I don't know how many ago the grossest [ __ ] I had ever seen mm-hmm I saw a piece like way down like 30 people down I'm not exaggerating it was like 30 [ __ ] people okay peace like a pipe like a pipe I see it like in the distance like some guys smoking it and it was like very distinct it it was like one of these multicolored shitty pieces that you get like on the boardwalk at Venice huh it's just very specific color pattern and I watched people passing it down and repacking it with their own weed and it just it was it was like a it was like a bad dream I see this like tiny little like colored thing that's been like you know in someone's mouth in the distance and it just starts like making its way to me and it it gets in front of my face and dudes like you want to hit this [ __ ] no yeah you know yeah so I put it [ __ ] out of my face with my whole mouth around you do Peggle salvia inside into the next person I couldn't believe it it went through so I mean people were like what my wiping it with their shirt but I'm like that's not but still man there could be some [ __ ] in there that you don't want to smoke and they're like hitting it with the lighter what if someone's weed is [ __ ] laced heard like this I what if someone just packs a little [ __ ] just a little bit all right here's a little LSD how's that have a great day it's so good just accidentally [ __ ] well here you go accidentally getting high on PCP that's pretty funny does that work you think like like with the lighter on the mouth part you think that really kills the germs I don't feel like it gets hot enough to kill the germs I think that literally is what it does that's fire it's what enough I thought germs and they need to be like it's like they can fester and heat that's like at a certain point then they're killed off yeah you know like 160 degrees okay why during germs is like a medical term whatever gross [ __ ] yeah I think the cooties I think the cooties like incubate yeah yeah I think they're they're low heat yeah they're burning temperature I don't know one of you doctor aspiration temperatures and when you doctor [ __ ] correct me don't you think it works though yeah I think it works it's like you know people were doing that I don't want to make it seem like people just were just like sucking off to something oh yeah it's like [ __ ] you know I mean like I don't I'm not really that concerned of the germs like I made out with ton of random women at bars that that would that's pretty concerning you know I'm saying like that smoking of think pipe is someone that isn't really my concern is [ __ ] you're gonna smoke some [ __ ] you want to smoke okay people pack and drug you're doing [ __ ] everyone else's drugs to the truth yeah well is your own drug that's true yeah that's crazy yeah I mean it's true yeah people I don't know people do that [ __ ] at festivals man it's just like yeah someone gave me a pill Wow yeah that's not my friend [ __ ] one time I knew someone that liked someone sometime Molly or something uh-huh in someone's place and someone tested it and it turned out to be heroin or some [ __ ] like that it wasn't wasn't MDMA right turns the drug testing kit turns black when it's MDMA it turned to orange or some [ __ ] which means it's opiates of some sort cool and we were with the same guy the other guys like yeah I mean oh it's not gonna go waste it was a dumb [ __ ] thing and snorts it nice without knowing what it [ __ ] was dude watch the students North this [ __ ] unknown brown powder that definitely tested positive for something that wasn't MDMA dude he's about it that's about that he's about it it really is yeah he's with the shit's you know I remember this kid like where I grew up he there's some [ __ ] we had like a weird mutual friend whatever doesn't matter he walks in - in and out he's like talking loud with his homies and he's like talking about how he liked his training MMA and he like does hella drugs and just like classic [ __ ] just like Trevor personality yeah I saw a facebook like Robo Trev I saw his sometime later on Facebook that he had like od'd Oh [ __ ] rest in peace yeah but the way people wrote about it was just so like they were like you know you overdose he died Roland just how he loved to play oh really no way there like it was like a weird those arms going with the exact words but it was like complementing in a way he died doing what he loved it was like one of those Molly and or just playing with his fellow humans is so stupid and then like it's just like all his facebook pictures were him just add festivals he died he died in what he loved to be wearing for reboots and beats I mean I don't mean I'm not I'm not claiming as dead no I'm not clowning his death I'm planning that yeah the people yeah dude I'm so glad somebody actually said that it was like yeah it was like along those lines and I just like [ __ ] oh man that's just Jesus Christ that's that [ __ ] that makes me cringe yeah it's not people like making an ass out of themselves it's like when people like take something so serious and like just [ __ ] or not self-aware just don't know how to talk about it I don't know anyway we're talking one before that poisoning depressing the podcast I saw someone get coke potent blown into their ass no have I ever told that story let's hear [ __ ] after this show we like went back to these people's apartment and I can't use any names or like any units me so great it just sounds like a lie yeah yeah hung out with these guys and then that someone else someone who isn't me a straw and someone else's ass no we're sitting there and there's coke on the table and someone's like someone says yo you gonna blow it into my ass and I'm like I'm sitting there like how's like why it's gotta be a joke right who's this male female it was a it was a guy a girl so a female asking a male yeah okay and I was like there's got to be a joke right I've never seen some [ __ ] like that before I'm from [ __ ] Calgary there's no one cocaine in Calgary yeah and and she goes yeah for sure he's like gets a little straw out like cuts it whatever she just [ __ ] drops trou right there turns around bends over he puts dips of straw and coke like take some and puts it in her ass and [ __ ] blows and then he's like all right now do the same to me no dude both of her fans he turns around drops trou bends over she bloke was cooking a hit in the middle of [ __ ] living room it's a love story in the MS net like Romeo Juliet Juliet the modern day yeah the coke version yeah yeah definitely modern yeah then they want to got matching face tattoos after exactly fell in love yeah that's wild yeah so what's her name I'm not gonna [ __ ] I'm not gonna dog these people right now I mean you want me to doctor you just saying that just for science purposes no no I was actually a shitty way of implying that you that was you getting the coke of your ass that's completely missed the word ad Joe yeah yeah bad joke but also bad receiving of the joke am i well that's that's [ __ ] crazy it was crazy I mean like I don't know how crazy that is I don't know it depends what's kind of circles you run and crazy for me to see that [ __ ] yeah I've never seen some [ __ ] like that my entire life yeah actually been around drugs like a fair amount I've never seen anyone even come close to blowing it in each other's [ __ ] I don't know man I feel like 18 year olds no matter what generation always have a one-up yeah always have I wasn't yeah like did that's nothing dude you want to talk about straws and asses I had my boy shotgun ayahuasca into my dick hole yeah a nice trip for nine days straight [ __ ] no big deal NBD yeah it was like nothing bruh my girl took a [ __ ] bendy straw like out of a little sippy cup like three loops dude yeah filled it all the way all three loops with coke yeah blew it into her ass that's whatever dude I peeled my toenails off one by one and then put LSD strips on the wounds oh wow that one got me ha ha that's [ __ ] be d dude I'm still tripping from that [ __ ] oh that I feel I felt that one that was disgusting this rapidly move on rapidly more yeah I lined my [ __ ] retainer my Invisalign that might my parents first of all took my Invisalign lined it with LSD went to sleep with it then I put coke on my teeth because I grind my teeth in my sleep yeah and so I'm grinding my teeth with the coke on my teeth while sucking down that LSD that's pretty cool yeah that feel I don't know woke up a month later hmm that's kind of cool was nothing like what I did no no with the lemons what did you do well I let lemons soak in Molly water for a month mmm and really ferment and stuff like that and then I [ __ ] squirted them in my eyes call that one the supreme patty I rolled for that sick did I rolled for [ __ ] I mean ten years ten years sick dude yeah I'm brain dead that's fine yeah it's fire dude being brain dead his lit yeah he's [ __ ] lit I mean I guess that's cool yeah it's whatever it's not as hard as me my boys go what do you guys do dog you don't even know yeah what is it y'all you know like you know like nerds uh-huh like the people or the nah the candy with the candy okay yeah they imagine that but it's all meth rocks okay I'm saying huh okay we make like bracelets out of that yeah yeah I'm Sam uh-huh that's how we get them into the festival right uh-huh now in the middle of festival yeah we just take the bracelets I just eat the whole [ __ ] bracelet dawg nice yeah that's pretty cool trip hard yeah [ __ ] everyone up at the festival we literally fight the entire festival we shut down EDC last year's run so much PCP we got shot up by the SWAT team and bullets didn't hurt us because we were so high on [ __ ] meth that we were literally invincible both of skin yeah that's a crazy side effect of piece of you that people don't you know you turn into t1000 from [ __ ] terminator yeah exactly you can learn [ __ ] Wolverine you actually it does damage you but you heal heal yeah that would be [ __ ] awesome nine [ __ ] bros just on PCP fighting all the EDC everyone's like freaking out trying to stop them they just can't oh just walking down the whole crowd that's like starting from the middle out it just starts to spread it's like looking some girl was like yo you got it you know how Kel Sina I've been doing like fashion reviews on her channel yeah she was like we got it you got a do one for EDC Orlando and I was like yep we definitely have to do that imagine the outfits at EDC Orlando naked Gator skin Gary nipple tassels repurposing gas canisters as pants yep cowboy boots on your boobs somehow wearing like parts from the school bus uh-huh it's basically like they dress like Burning Man BOCES because they get all the scrap metal from their dad's junkyard yeah fishnet condoms yeah there you go yeah just just wear it like Gator skin do reg yeah bad neck tattoo t-shirts it's a picture of a neck with a shitty tattoo on it on your shirt yeah that's tight that's fire that's fire this next level [ __ ] this next little fashion right there only oh my god what are we talking about the Kardashians yeah we did it now we we brush past them Kim is very short yeah like real short surprisingly shorter than us yeah oh yeah the funny the [ __ ] this was what I wanted to say was so we walked past it was during Kanye and kissy ghosts Kanye and Cudi they're performing yeah so we walked past Tyler he's like watching this show yeah and the next day we wake up and someone had posted a video on our Kanye yeah of Tyler watching Kanye's and Kid Cudi set you know and the video was basically like wow look at how much Tyler's enjoying Kanye's music right yeah and then 15 seconds in the video we walk by just a video just walking it's one of the comments like what the [ __ ] dude actually one of the comments was like I can't believe those people just walk by Tyler didn't do anything Oh yeah he was like legit insulted that we just like walked by I was like what did you expect us to do we're just gonna [ __ ] just stop him and say enjoying a concert final song hi hi yeah hi hey hi because I love you ah sure hi hi the other and then those are pretty we got we got a lot of strangely a lot of recognition yeah I know I was weird I couldn't believe that I mean I just kept me I'll keep hearing my name I was like wait now there's no way yeah there's no it was a one day all shout out to this dude I shook your hand I've been talking about it all week you you had a slimy as handba slimy ol hand I don't know how long you were in that crowd but that moist palm yeah yeah I think if I definitely I was Molly sweat you think so I could have licked my hand and check [ __ ] out just licked my hand I got horny as hell oh [ __ ] yeah nothing it's really nice right now yeah you think that's cool you don't mean my homies do you do is this well we did what we did is I when I was a child okay I adopted a cow okay and what I did is feed the cow Molly for his entire life okay you know how people like right now they feed cows hormones and something make them flatter plumper you took some milk whatever I did the same thing with Molly okay I fed him Molly and then I would inject uh you know PCP LSD and stuff like that until the cow was you know it's a drug cow a drug guy you've just paid packed full of drugs like a little drug pinata right and then when he's finally old enough took him to the slaughter house I'm sorry for all the vegans listening and cooked him up like a filet mignon fuckin'-a yeah Molly steak yeah Molly steak yeah it'd be tight if someone just figured out a way to get cows to like like adapt their goddamn DNA just like Molly milk yeah but it's like Loki and he's just like somehow is this natural way of producing this [ __ ] just drives cops crazy because they're looking for like a lab well it's like being infused and have no idea it's just like a guy on a farm just throwing out little Tesla little Tesla points around so the cows here you go Betsy when they're balls off bottom jaw the cops drive by this farm one day and see a bunch of cows with pacifiers they're like what the [ __ ] Molly cows yeah Molly can the [ __ ] their hairs all died and [ __ ] it's just like pink and blue like random areas and I got a little feste bracelets and [ __ ] that's what I am at a festival [Laughter] Molly cow dude someone drop you're an artist I would drop you all eco-drive feel full Molly cows that's actually our next merch is just a Molly okay that's a mixtape named Molly yes that's our EDM project that would actually fit for next summer yeah with one of our songs yeah yeah that actually would be really funny yeah Molly cow yeah now you know what that's gonna be our rebrand right when we try to take TMZ like bigger yeah and tiny meat gang is not like a book will name uh-huh there you go Molly cow yeah Molly cow load over Molly cow Molly cat now the molecules yeah yeah come here Priscilla these testers I'm liking this man I like we just need to podcast so much that we're delusional yeah that everything we say starts to become funny yeah exactly in this little insane asylum we've crafted here oh I just got this great text hey Cody this is Rick I have more affordable quotes for your health insurance don't know who Rick is it smells good thanks Rick appreciate it good - thanks so much Rick appreciate you your big shots of Rick actually yeah I'm gonna give a big shout out to my homie Rick he's always just sending me like the most affordable health insurance quotes it's crazy yeah this hobby Rick he's just insane that dude is a beast when it comes to health insurance he always send me the most affordable quotes he'd be hooking me up with it like all kind of quotes it's crazy all the time but not always insurance quotes just like quotes in general like I hit him I be like yo man give me a quote he'd be like all right Edgar Allan Poe yeah and he just hit me with a quote yeah exactly yeah Rick's work harder not smarter yeah Rick's a well-rounded guy you're like brick isn't it all the way around then there's like no no we're not in my world yeah work harder not smarter and you're like damn right that's why you're a [ __ ] beast right you're always coming through with the fire quotes give me over someone quotes man uh what'd that say Edgar Allan Poe they just made me think of when I was 11 and I picked up Poe why like Edgar Allan Poe and I started reading that book and no one liked my teacher did not walk by and in between everyone reading [ __ ] I think I was way younger he was like fourth grade yeah I'm like reading Edgar Allan Poe and everyone around me is reading like goofy roller coaster tycoon [ __ ] like instruction manuals and like weird books with like 15 point spacing I'm reading about Edgar Allan Poe purchasing meat and living in a [ __ ] furniture las' home or something it was like dark as [ __ ] why were you doing reading this I was just weird like I knew [ __ ] Edgar Allan Poe was like a well root like known author something like I want to read this [ __ ] and the cover look dark is [ __ ] Wow there's just him looking depressed I'm like a pale blue background oh my yeah this [ __ ] looks cold because I had that 9 year old [ __ ] you're just a weird kid oh I'm a weird person I didn't stop it didn't go anywhere I got you ok guys you guys you guys yeah yeah so anyway I should finish that but growling dough maker a rapper is that a real that sounds like a soundcloud rapper for sure probably you saw cold man he said a soundcloud Rivera's over wait who said that call Bennet really usually it's over what does that mean like he thinks like some new shits gonna happen like I think he's talking about like the whole like face Ted okay you know crazy man like I was listening to the blue face again this morning just trying to understand it you know because like I hate on a lot [ __ ] but like no matter what I always like try and keep an open mind and try and understand it yeah it's just easy to make fun of [ __ ] right off the bat well like in the back of my mind I'm like okay like I can see what's going on yeah I think it's the only way you can like adapt yeah forward right yeah so I'm like trying to [ __ ] get into blue face like I'm losing it was music over and over again trying to like [ __ ] just figure out what it is yeah I realize like it's it's I don't know like it's so different that it's like that's gonna say that I was gonna say it's it's just it's like when wocka came out yeah you know wocka was like loud and you know it didn't you know the verses weren't like these like super lyrical whatever and this like they weren't like necessarily clever yeah it's just like it sounded crazy yeah and you wanted to listen to that [ __ ] because when you put it on half the people around you were like what the [ __ ] is this yeah but it's like it's like Waka Flocka at that time was like he's still rapping on time and he was still like yeah the music was like somewhat digestible maybe not but like blue face is so jarring because he's like he raps on time but I think it's like he's just he has such as like a loose swing yeah such like a swing to the way he raps I mean that's like a I feel like that's I'm giving him way too many know way too much credit for the way he raps I think he just is bad at rapping but somehow it like makes it good it's so jarring and like there's so much music now that that's what we need in order to like be like it's edgy crazy it's like someone doing it incorrectly do we live like hip hop and just like rap in general now is so processed it's so produced like not I mean take that with a grain of salt what I say it's so produced I mean it like everyone's got auto-tune everyone's doing like the nav like man in an event in it like you know writing [ __ ] melodic [ __ ] that he's like the direct contrast yeah that's why he stands out yeah like we a lot of the [ __ ] we here is pretty melodic yeah and so yeah when he's like okay Michel would say what is this yeah it's dope you know you know it's actually real feed my family that's like one's you know it's like when he's lyrics seems like it's gonna be like I don't know it seems like it's kind of making a comeback or like it's starting to get action is I feel like old like West Coast rap that's kind of like omage to [ __ ] like eazy-e and like like kinda like NWA [ __ ] like G Perico I think like houses to his name TC 400 or some [ __ ] he's like he he's like this dude I'm bringing up right now he's been touring with ty dolla sign and then G Perico just kind of G pair goes like arresting to me cuz he still is like a jheri curl really yeah and people like he's done interviews about it and like so I don't know [ __ ] blue face is like a weird like bastard version of yet so I don't know maybe it's just that I feel like it's just gonna eventually you know evolve and to just freeform jazz yeah where it's so like out there there's no one even rapping anymore rap is just gonna be just free jazz or it just sounds like playing at the same time Leone in time no just that's what it's gonna be yeah TV yo this is fire your they don't make any sense don't make any sense I'm in a beat TC 4800 I want to shout him out okay I mean that's music like I definitely cannot relate to yeah it's not real like gangbang and it like really tough [ __ ] but I'm just like it me yeah hell yeah this is hard this is hard dude yeah this bangs wow this is hard wow this goes off this is this bangs liddie dude dude this goes in my G yeah my guy my guy my gamer I'll [ __ ] I have a cameo expire in 15 minutes later not now [Laughter] oh man if you thought i was gonna let you get away with that I've been off cameo for a couple months yeah just need to take it take out take a chill just need me time yeah she know that I'll go back on right now no don't do it no yeah let me do it but that don't do one then I'm not gonna do one but I'll get back on cameo right now you know I've been like investing in my in my place yeah it's good I've never had a place where I've like actually like spent multiple months buying things and figuring things out and selling things and whatever yeah my place is starting to really come together no it's like new desk for Kelsie over in the corner and then we're like we got a bar card now we got I bought like a surf rack so my surfboards are gonna be all nice we bought like a hanging mirror [ __ ] gonna get some art like it's like it's a process you know takes [ __ ] months oh yeah it's like the first time in my life where I'm actually like now I look at my place I'm like damn this is a month's worth of work right here yeah I mean dude us money and [ __ ] everything you know I spent all day getting my desk right yes sir yeah I know [ __ ] is cleaned it that's the only person to describe a standing desk as fire it's so clean this [ __ ] so fire I'm gonna be something be sending memos and my back is gonna be [ __ ] crispy oh dude yeah I mean I'm probably not gonna really stand you know I told Sam what I actually like is the inverse being able to control the height of my desk mm it's perfect cuz I feel like no desk is the perfect height is always some [ __ ] yeah your chair needs to yeah I agree you know so it like lets you adjust it to where it's nice yeah so it's low it's clean monitors on arms yeah no cables nice by Friday no cables on the floor it's all gonna be tucked out of the desk how C I'm goddamn wizard is there good cable management and I don't know what yeah it's got the grommets so you can run [ __ ] through it don't know what that is little hole cutouts yeah the top I gotta do that I gotta sell my [ __ ] desk if you need a desk and you're in LA Cody trying to give this [ __ ] away I've been trying to [ __ ] sell this I bought the ship for like 800 bucks and I can't [ __ ] sell it Furniture sucks so if you want a desk and you live in LA I'll give it to you for like 300 bucks furniture suck just a [ __ ] come pick it up and don't come to my place actually yeah so yeah but you can you can you know hit me up about it anyways yeah cuz I really want to get rid of this thing I need a new desk that's why labels are a goddamn mess I just want to apologize if I've been like shitty this episode I feel like ass ya know ya think what happens when we go out the night before yeah but you know where we yeah can we talk about last night a little bit yeah sure I mean 32 we're at the end oh well I gotta go in five minutes anyways I mean I don't I don't know how much we can say I can say we are honored to we got the honor yeah too we got a little a little inside peek yeah and to some crew let's not talk about yeah let's not talk about that's literally all and say okay I'd say we got an inside peek into a creative process that is very cool it was cool it was definitely awesome alright so if your list this will be if you made it this far you've already I'm gonna upload this early yeah tickets available tomorrow 10:00 a.m. yeah that's Friday uh-huh Friday let's get the date right cuz we didn't get it right in the original sixteenth yeah okay Friday the 16th at 10:00 a.m. local time local local local in my defense I'm in my defense yeah in my defense okay the eat the email that we had received yeah said Pacific Standard Time okay it said Pacific Standard Time okay there's a little bit of a mock up okay not entirely my fault okay okay yeah that's in my defense okay so it's 10:00 a.m. local time mm-hmm tickets for the tour we really want to see you there really hope to see you there you want to do another customer support thing yeah I'm do a tech support guy though thanks for calling TNG know that no no no no I want you to do episode one [ __ ] right no no no no okay not today all right no all right my voice ain't there that's fine thanks for calling TMG concert support how can we help you hi this is Jake calling it like a radio station that's great calling your bank I thinks gonna Citibank hi this is Noel I'm from LA just want to give a quick shout out to my mom it's her birthday shout out shout out to you okay what were you calling about yeah so anyway my checking account it's not working what caller am i what do you mean oh yeah I'm sorry what caller am I then I get number five i am i caller number five dude this stupidly funny prank call you callin and ask what you're calling it's got a vine when they say I'd only just give you a number yeah you just start cheering yeah then you freak out like people in the room uh-huh see oh my god oh my god oh my mom we won we won I'm caller 1731 just like Sir said please please sir peace that's all yeah oh we got guys yeah I actually want to end it with a quote that Rick just sent me actually what's Rick gotta say he said you can lead a cow to water just make sure it's Molly water got it nice and thank you Rick shoutout to Rick he's a quote man um appreciate y'all yeah we'll see you guys next time again getting peace peace in peace bang

Channel: TMG Studios

Views: 212,013

Keywords: noel miller, cody ko, edm, satire, comedy, music, festivals

Id: R6pCU8VWWO0

Length: 67min 24sec (4044 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 23 2018