Ep. 54 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Tim Dillon

Video Statistics and Information

Video
Captions Word Cloud
Reddit Comments
Captions
i'm sitting there and he goes like this he goes you know he goes do you want to go back to the old world and i'm like i don't a little bit and he goes he goes i'm so happy right now the time that i get to spend with my family he goes it's absolutely amazing and he goes listen if i have to make less money to just spend more time with my family i'll do it and then he takes a drink and then he goes like this and he goes and i looked at the numbers we're actually making more money [Laughter] 100. this episode of two bears one cave is brought to you by saatva go to s-a-a-t-v-a dot com slash the [ __ ] and get 225 off any mattress of your choice they have it all they have the luxury firm mattress that you would find in a five-star hotel they have a memory foam mattress in their line called loom and leaf and they even have the mattress that moves and sits up and has a zero gravity setting that vibrates you to sleep it's incredible it's called the solaire i've had them all i'm telling you it is worth investing in your own sleep these guys also provide amazing customer support they do mattress take away service so when it's time to dump that mattress that you have been sleeping on to get your saatva they'll take it away for you you don't have to leave it in your front yard once again saatva s-a-a-t-v-a dot com slash the [ __ ] and you can get 225 off any mattress of your choice today's podcast is brought to you by established titles you too can become a lord at establishtitles.com and help woodland conservation efforts at the exact same time i'm a lord by the way i'm already a lord and i've been a lord oh really yeah yeah did you go through established titles yes i did too and my daughters were like dad you're a lord and i was like oh yeah oh yeah it's it is a super fun gift to give somebody in my opinion it is yeah i love this stuff how does it work well i'll tell you scotland land owners have been long referred to as lords lairds large lart this is scottish term for lord all you need is at least one square foot of land established titles lordships and lady ships title packages are based on the same historic land ownership custom they plant a tree for every order and offer title packs with plots ranging from one square foot to 10 square feet in huntley scotland so that you two can make anyone including yourself a lord or a lady today title packs start as low as 49 and come with a personalized certificate a unique plot number and a plot dedicated of land on a private estate in the scottish highlands that you can visit at any time established titles is offering our listeners 10 off their lordships and lady ships this does make a really cool present for someone that you don't know what to get this is a cool present uh they're packs with the you can get 10 off their lord and lady ship title packs with the discount code bears go to establishtitles.com to become a lord today enter the code bears enter bears at the checkout to get 10 off that is establishedtitles.com with a discount code bears to become a lord today thank god bert's not here and i get to chop it up with somebody that's fun to be around yeah a little more yeah well a little more cerebral little spelling and grammar come together and you know ideas wow i appreciate that tim dillon thank you very much no thank you for having me in r.i.p burt to corona you know that was a that was tough it was uh it was not unexpected i will get your graphics up real soon yes it was very swift justice really you can't just deliver use booze and your body like that for decades and expect no repercussions yeah coveted got in and it didn't leave so um we're sad but you know listen he lives a beautiful legacy for you today by the way i love the usa usa and it is where we live where we live good and when i think of usa a lot of times a few moments later i think of tim dillon well as you should yeah as you should i got a polo on it and it's red and blue well it's this is the the ralph lauren is the only uh reputable clothing company that makes uh clothes for bigger gentlemen yep this is really what it is please and uh it's american royalty and uh that's what i try to exude it's really kind of i mean have you did you accept it like i'll even sometimes try to i'll go flog myself by going to a mall yeah and seeing um clothes that looks attractive that i like yeah to go in there just to be like so do you have anything bigger and they're like no we don't know anything about this or they'll say this might fit you and i'll put it on and look in the mirror and i'll be like jesus christ this is embarrassing i can squeeze into jeans like i can squeeze into lucky jeans or something especially the ones that are a little bit more forgiving yeah but uh the shirt game game i mean all these designer clothes are made for european french small soft men you know cowards yeah and those people are they are dressed you know and as you know when i go to boa steakhouse in west hollywood and i see all these like kid you know the young model [ __ ] you know they all have these the cut is just very slender very slim hugo boss doesn't make [ __ ] for us dude no no so but i'm happy with ralph yeah ralph says i i throw down with ralph yeah i wish he'd throw me a couple of bucks because i've been doing but i don't know that i'm what ralph wants out there that's the other problem is that i think so i i don't know if my picture is up in a room at ralph lauren and they're going this is we want a guy in a dxl store in palm desert uh trying on shirts and asking how much they'll shrink that's not what we want but guess what ralph lauren that's what you've got you got it that's what you've got truly just give them the endorsement just give me the endorsement it's already it's happening yeah i mean like he's wearing it so ralph lauren is for guys like me who look a little racist right that's what a ralph lauren polo really is for it's for a guy that looks like he's a little bit on the edge of what is it is an acceptable term for 2020. yeah like you don't see anyone in a ralph lauren polo navigate the non-binary question appropriately never no i've never thought of that no yeah it's always a guy he's a little out of it he's like you know he's just calling what they are yeah he played nine holes he's a little tired the wife's yapping and it's a little bit of like what now energy what is this who wants to be called what yeah yeah i'm not doing it yeah he's just what he says i'm not doing it yeah and neither are any of my friends by the way we all wear the raw floor right it's the uniform yeah i don't know if the if corporate is even going to entertain a sponsorship now i imagine that the chances are very right right now it went from like five i tried to get a you know i had to publish this for like 25 minutes and uh i fired her after she uh two weeks after i uh did wrong she texted me she went you did rogan so you're like that's all right i gotta get it i said let's go yeah also she asked me to uh uh her ex-boyfriend who would block her on facebook she wanted me to go and look what relationship status he was in so i said she might not be the most professional in this oh yeah this was a real person she was charging you real fees like this you're charging me money and i and i so i had to say no to her and uh but she said she goes i'm gonna try to get you like uh this was a fact she was trying to get me like like she wanted mega bus to endorse me because this was like when i used to take mega buses to shows like not currently but like i had a bit about it my act like mega best so she goes we'd like you know i would love you know we'd love to get to get a mega buster to get you and mega bus in business wait explain megabus to people well megabus is just it's the bus that passes you buy and it goes for a dollar get on yeah and it's it's never a dollar but it's always like it's right as the buses go it's a pretty good option it's like a double decker it's college kids old people you know hippies it's not that bad it's not like greyhound and then it starts to fall off a little bit it gets really bad uh lucky star like they get real bad they get bad they get bad but megabus was one that i would take a lot and she goes she goes i i she goes i said this was her quote she goes it'll be great to get you in business with a brand like megabus so i'm still open to that yeah i'm still what was your response to that great because that's what this business does to you you're like absolutely i will advertise anything you know megabus big and tall clothing store uh dxl or something you know let's get in there yeah yeah do you would you do have you done tailored uh you know bespoke clothes you know i think when i was a mortgage guy i did a tailored suit once and uh it feels good yeah it feels good to get a tailored suit it does fit like a glove but then i got in a comedy and then it didn't work and then by the way uh two months after i got the tailored suit the economy crashed so my job then became illegal see i i can sew like i can i can picture you like just the setting around yeah the cubicle up and yeah oh yeah being like rates are coming like and i could just totally i feel like i could not want a mortgage and then talk to you and be like i just got a new mortgage like this guy here's the thing i'm a fun guy to talk to and i'm going to call and we're going to connect a little bit you're going to follow up too and i'm going to follow up because i got a bunch of folders on that desk and i'm going to hit him once or twice a day yep and i'm hoping that we can you know do business together and if it doesn't make sense tom we part his friends yeah and that was my line that was a line we all said we said and then but you're trained to um the training was a guy going how about you make some [ __ ] money right and shutting his door yeah and then literally a bunch of unemployable guys some of whom had dewey's whose mothers were dropping them off at the office then got on phones and called people and said we were financial advisors [Laughter] i specialize in residential finance yeah yeah i specialize in residential finance and um it was a beautiful time it's an american time do you remember like do you remember because i did sales stuff i sold knives i sold you know the cutco knives of course door-to-door i was uh well i was i was top 50 in the country wow um but i remember like you remember certain instances like like i'm 19 and i'm in this hot married woman's home right and she's gorgeous yeah and just being 19 and around her like just you know huge and she was like my husband wouldn't like that you're here [ __ ] like that and just getting like nervous and i remember putting the knife back in the sheath and stabbing myself like into my hand and her being like did you just hurt yourself and i'm like and just you know you just like remember those and then also remembering people who are like i'm not really interested in this and then you leave like a thousand dollar sale you know like just from from work in it but you have do you have memories of someone being like uh yeah i'm definitely not interested in a mortgage and then you sold them one like i remember i was in one of my first meetings in long island uh uh was i was sitting there and there was a couple i've done all this i had come out of like debate team i was like a talker i love talking blah blah blah and i've done all this reading right because these were adjustable rate mortgages and you got two or three years of a fixed rate little stability and then hey let's ride the rails together like you're smart financially savvy guy why not take a little chance because we all and the thing is no one thought this was all gonna go bad that's the thing no one really like all the you know revisionist history is like these guys were con artists everything and it's like okay we weren't the most reputable people but i took an adjustable rate mortgage when i bought a house like nobody knew these things nobody knew you weren't going to be able to get out of an adjustable we thought you'd be able to get out of it but i remember like i was sitting there in long island with this couple i mean she's in house slippers i mean karen from goodfellas yeah she's sitting there they'd racked up 80 000 worth of credit card revolving credit card debt you know he's sitting there not saying anything she's sitting there we're at the kitchen table and uh i'm like uh your adjustable rate uh adjusts uh it's very stable i said it's the libor rate which is the london interbanking and the guy just looked at me and went hey are you gonna pay the [ __ ] car and i'm like yeah the car is included he goes all right let's do this and i'm like oh that's what sales is that's what yeah like sales is just me kind of shutting up and allowing this thing that kind of needs to happen anyway yes happen and i'm just here for it right and and it just fits like a glove and then sometimes you you'd have to like massage it a little bit because sometimes people were very concerned about how much it costs or why a sweaty disheveled cocaine addict in an uninsured chevy suburban was screaming at them through the window of their home telling them he had made an appointment with them that they didn't remember i said tuesday at 11. it says it on my folder and then like should we let him in the house and then i would go in and i'd be all you know get kind of cracked out and i just sit there and we'd go over the numbers and um sometimes it would work and a lot of times i took that long road back uh to the office a loser yeah no i yeah i also remember with sales is like sometimes you go you you get like worked up about you know you want this to be a win right i mean a sale is like either a failure or a victory right and sometimes you're like i don't know you start and like i remember a lady one time there's like a booklet for the night right she was like yeah i'll take it i was like take what she was like everything everything in the in the booklet like every knife every product that is in this folder i'll take it and then i got nervous yeah that i hadn't done anything and she was making this purchase right and i was like oh and then you you learn to shut the [ __ ] up because you can ruin it it's the same thing by the way in hollywood people don't know that if you pitch and someone's like we like it get up and run out of walk out get out of there because if you start going like yeah you know season two what i was thinking about the moment in every sale when the both people have put their cards on the table and nobody in the person who talks first there's a silence and then the person who talks first loses yeah so if i say hey mrs miller here's what we can do we can wrap all your credit card debt up roll it into the mortgage increases your tax deduction we'll close this baby in two weeks i'll have an appraiser out here tomorrow does that work for you silence and then there's silence on her if i go in and then i go and another thing that we can do she'll be like wow she needs to come back in and go yes it does or then she needs to ask a question but the ball is in it and if she goes yes it does you're like great and you just start like great sign yeah and i mean that and that was what we need now i mean everyone wants to talk about what we need we need right now a product that can be sold to uneducated people by uneducated people because that's the american economy right that's what it really is yeah people don't want to know what that's what commerce is commerce is a guy that goes i don't really know what this is but you need it and someone else who goes makes sense that makes sense and that's what happened and here's my some money for we're in a bust right now it's a boom and bust cycle and i don't know it's going to be [ __ ] green energy i don't know what it'll be but it's gonna be something that will be unregulated in the beginning could be a weed type thing i don't know what it'll be but what it needs to be is something that people can sit in office buildings and sell to each other yeah yeah do you feel optimistic about the next you know six months coming up like this has been yeah i mean we all have are talking you know ad nauseam about obviously pandemic and all this stuff but it's like now i don't know there's a really weird feeling in la you were just in new york which i would love to know we'll talk about it yeah more about but do you feel like like over the hurrah you know that things are on an upswing ultimately here or it's just still unpredictable to you it's unpredictable i think the election is big i don't think the election solves a lot all the problems but i think if trump wins again we see probably um more of what we've been seeing so like with the protests yeah with the rioting and the looting and the protesting and things like that uh that are that protesting that is becoming yeah yeah yeah civil unrest and things like that and like portland yeah biden doesn't fix anything either by the way but here's what he might do he just it's just the foot off the gas a little bit exactly it's a reset it's a reset of his he's gonna die a few months in and then kamala harris is going to be probably going to gas queen her way into the oval office and good and good and let that happen because here's the reality kamal is going to come in she's going to put everyone in jail they'll put the military on the street they'll start i mean they'll start putting chips in people's heads but she's going to need to do it she's gonna do it and she's gonna be like she's gonna like like it's not you're not gonna be able to really tell a black woman to not put a chip in your head right so trump is gonna be a problem but if a black woman goes you're getting chipped you're gonna go yes [ __ ] you know and that's kind of what the country needs we just at this point we need a dictator yeah you just gotta choose your dictator which one do you want i mean i want the one that's the least annoying and i don't know who that's going to be but i think that for the moment yeah if if the get if the foot's off to get because trump's just going to keep pouring he yeah first of all people i don't think recognize how much of um this is kind of all a game it's a game to him too yes i mean i think i think when i watch him i go you know he goes through these cycles that feels like if you actually go into it like with if you take your emotion out of it you go i'm just going to study behavior patterns right right you go this guy is writing this like it's a game like he's playing a game this episode of two bears 1k was also brought to you by squarespace turn your cool idea into a website who are you if you don't have a website i'll tell you you're missing out you're not you have to have a place to direct people to go it doesn't matter what you do do you write are you uh you want to publish your your content do you sell products uh do you do you make anklets do you uh take plast photos and you just want to place to distribute them you go to squarespace and you get your site started they have beautiful templates from world-class designers powerful e-commerce functionality lets you sell anything online and you customize the look and the feel it's like world-class looking designs and it's so easy to get started and you need to have this website go on over to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code bears to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain that's squarespace.com and enter the code word bears this podcast is brought to you by woop this is the best personalized fitness tracker i have ever worn in my entire life it's really difficult with what's going on in today's society to know how hard you're gonna train what's more important is how hard you sleep and how effective your sleep is in certain things like caffeine alcohol how they affect your sleep well with your whoop first thing you do is you wake up you go to the app and you can check to see how you sleep and then what's great is that day when you go work out you go to the you go to the strain coach and the strain coach will tell you how much you should exert yourself throughout the day whoop is the best fitness tracker i've ever seen and the memberships start for just thirty dollars a month you get personalized info sites 24 7. they track calories heart rate it monitors sleep and strain and for all our listeners today whoop is offering 15 off all memberships give whoop a shot and if it's not for you they offer you a 30-day return policy no questions asked head to woop w-h-o-o-p dot com enter the code bears b-e-a-r-s at checkout to save 15 off join woop sleep better recover faster and train smarter here's the level of con artist trump is this is a good way to say it it would be like you are now the ceo of cutco you know like you somehow found a way yeah to rise through that company yeah without any more knowledge than you had as a 19 year old selling knives to a hot mom right you're somehow running the thing yep so that's what trump is everyone doesn't get it everybody's like he's satan or he's uh jesus he's a con artist yeah that has had a lot of success yeah because we like to be conned we like to buy it feels good it feels good it does a very base con in a way too which is like you know what people are really in love with especially here well actually all over the world but really here it's like a rich guy what's cooler than a rich guy nothing when you're a kid too yeah and i remember being like who is this guy yeah and like he's some [ __ ] really rich guy right you're like oh it's cool he's got like yeah suits and gold [ __ ] he owns bathrooms yeah he owns women he owns yeah he owns uh pageants sure i didn't even know you could own a pageant he owned pageants i mean i'm sure i'm sure everything was on up and up there everybody just behaved the right way in the 80s yeah everybody was fine nobody there was no bra straps being pulled in the green room of the miss universe pageant never in atlantic city no he i'm sure he was like oh are you changing right now i'm sorry oh i'm a gentleman yes yeah i'm sure he got them all into college after for sure um just sitting there writing recommendation letters but it's so funny because like he's also one of the greatest things about him and george w bush did this too and like a lot of people do this somehow we think he's like self-made like i talk to my friends and they're like we need a guy like that we need like a businessman himself made i'm like what world you know is the guy he got a hundred million dolla and my friends go yeah it's not 11 billion like that's my friends from long island's argument they're like yeah well it's not what he's got now i'm like if you would put that money in relatively conservative investments yeah when he got it you'd have something near a like you'd have a lot of money you'd have a lot of money yeah so this idea that yeah he tells this because he also is he's a con artist is a sales person right yeah tell stories right so one of his big stories was like i got a million dollars from my dad no you no he didn't right and it's documented you can you can choose to read that or ignore it or whatever right but the story is not the story he's telling right the real story is that in today's money right it's something like 400 million that was given to him and then he's like look some [ __ ] worked out yeah i better [ __ ] yeah you got 400 million dollars well he's got that great sales thing too where there's always there's always a sales story you tell about the guy that didn't choose to bot like when you're sitting there you're like hey i don't even like bringing the story up yeah i will tell you this yeah i showed up the other day and i promised somebody a five percent interest rate they wanted to take time and talk to their wife about it they're dead now like they're they're dead they killed themselves and i think a lot of it is so trump has these great stories where he's basically like sure go with the other guy if you like fire you know he's like you want chaos yeah sure go with him you know you like getting killed in your sleep go with the other guy you know he does that he does he does that too he also does a very like in that in that vein of that he does the uh friend of mine said the other day it's like nobody said that to you yeah every time he's like a friend of mine was telling me how great i'm doing like wow a friend of mine said you know you're a perfect person yeah oh did he say that to you well yeah yeah i'm sure that was something someone said like he will say that it'll be like some somebody called me and said you're just doing so you work so hard yeah you do you need to take a break jesus christ and the thing about joe biden that worries people is what makes me the most excited is that he is a corpse yeah i i love that like everyone's like but biden's dead i'm like good good how great does a dead president sound right now perfect how phenomenal does a literally dead and i mean legit like on oxygen on his way out president sound it's like they're phenomenal there's not a chance yeah you would make it four years he will not make it four years no no kamala steps in soon yeah and then they bring in a vp um whoever that will be who would be the vp uh elizabeth warren oh right they bring in another uh lass yeah and then uh and then they just then they just listen we're all heading towards attack uh it's going to be no one's going to go outside right here's the reality outside is over it's done it's on fire it's annoying it all outside does is [ __ ] up the wi-fi for what you really want to be doing which is inside on your computer jerking off or arguing with your aunt about china or whatever so outside's done the natural world is really gone we're just gonna be in a tech prison that's being created and it here's the thing about the new prison you can't say they're not taking a lot of care right they are they're artfully constructing a prison that you will live in they hear all your thoughts they know everything you want everything from your porn choices to your grubhub orders it's everything you're gonna be so the prison's gonna feel nice but make no mistake it's gonna be a prison so i was talking to a high level high level former i mean extremely high-ranking cia wow okay i love this [ __ ] and you're talking of course with the culinary institute of america exactly okay yeah and i'm like look when you make chicken cordon bleu do you actually have to get it flattened or so i'm talking to this person who was in uh is retired now but was very high ranking and i'm having first news conversations and then i just and this is i mean there's nothing new but it's just if you know the person then you're like jesus christ because back to you saying they're recording what you saw right dude i asked i asked a question and right away the guy goes uh not on the phone and i was like i and i it took me you know when you don't process it right away so i go no i'm i'm saying like do you think that he goes not on the phone yeah and because we're just on our site like just talking right and i was like oh and i felt my [ __ ] heart stop because i know who i'm talking to and and what that means and i was like there's something about somebody in that position telling you versus like you and me right i mean like i'm like not on the phone you're like oh okay okay but like when he said it and we're just on our cell phones and i'm just making conversations yeah it i don't know it resonates differently yeah i mean this is somebody who has clearly knows that we that these calls are not uh unmonitored man no i mean listen there's a lot of people in our country they can say they don't like china yeah they could say that they're not they're not a fan let's be very clear they look at what china's done over there and they're going we kind of like this so wait the people live in constant fear and terror but they're also highly motivated and productive what a fun mix and basically what china has done is they've clamped down on any type of descent online they've basically figured out a way to create this online utopian world where you cannot express your dissatisfaction with the government or with the prevailing systems of what's happening that will be america eventually they're going to figure out a way to get there but it's always going to feel so much cooler than china because we're going to have the best entertainment or very good entertainment food is going to come right to your door amazon drones are gonna drop off your groceries but the flip side is you're not going you will be just crushing under the weight of the empire but that's okay yeah i mean that's okay like people get mad at me they're like no i'm like what are you gonna do right what's the other plan right and this is the plan this is your plan you're going to be crushed under the weight of a technocracy get on board or you're in trouble i'm like i'm okay with it i kind of want it like i'm kind of ready for it in a way that i'm like i'm stunned how ready for it i am yeah i'm kind of ready to go and turn my door to leave and have it go air quality level's not sufficient i'm like all right i've been here three months i guess they'll let me out one day but who oh is there food here yeah oh good yeah oh i'm in the quadrant with food yeah good good uh oh good oh we have a new movie there's a dxl we got a new movie we got a dxl i have a new shirt i have a new polo i can wear it drops it in the house yeah it's coming and people that want to fight you can smash as many starbucks windows in seattle as you like yeah it ain't going to change anything and the world those people want isn't going to be great either but yeah and by the way i could be wrong about all this but i don't think i am i think that's kind of going to be and it'll i don't think they'll even have to lock the door i think it'll be voluntary i think people just can be like yeah i don't want to leave and get the ember in my throat today yeah so i'll just stay inside i do think you're totally right that the the biden choice is just it's the kind of choice of of going like do you just want to take a breather for a second right like this are you done with the coke binge do you want to just you know what i mean like it's it's been up for five nights a choice of like summer school or repeating the year right like hey you're not you don't want to repeat the year do summer school the overall thing you're not going to harvard like it ain't working out but you might as well just sit in a sweltering hot room for two months and watch a pregnant teacher miss ruizi shout out to her uh who changed her baby uh while we were in math and uh mixed race kids very woke love her and she um but see that's what we're doing joe biden is a corp they're gonna wheel him in like hannibal lecter he's gonna sit at that desk and then the real fox these wasps and these people that own the country and have for trillions of years are just gonna go back to doing whatever skullduggery they do yep and everybody's gonna go back to like whatever it is and i can tell you that because through eight years of obama nobody was in the streets really doing much there was a few protests about police shootings which clean the police up there they're a little much here's the other thing that like that's fun about like so when the right is in power as they are today you get all this woke [ __ ] over the top right right but when the left has power it's kind of more fun it's like yeah you can poke from our job is much easier yeah yeah yeah this country's not designed for a wholesale reimagining right things might get better i hope the police are you know rained in and they that they can establish more of a you know successful like you know strategy synergy with the community yeah all of that yeah um i hope that people get health care i hope people you know i would like all those things to happen but when you start understanding we're just an empire we've passed our peak the good day it's not going to be like the 1950s again where it was like we're going to the moon we you know and it it many of the the large-scale uh you know social movements have won people have more rights now than they did civil rights gay rights things like that those things will continue hopefully but i mean what do people what where do people think we are yeah where do you think we're living what do you think oh it's a scam i mean these countries are very successful it's like it's like an enron like the last week of enron like a secretary was like you know the numbers don't and some people will you throw her out the window like [ __ ] where do you think you've been working you know this is fraud right you know it's not real right the girl who told her mother i'll fight you outside of dr phil's show is a star yeah she's a bona fide star she's a multi-millionaire she's kind of good yeah so that's how sick it is catch me outside how about that yeah how about that and then you hear her rap you're like pop into it you're like this is not bad this is to catch me outside that's america america is the moment where you're outraged that she's a star and then the next moment we go this is kind of good america lives in that split second that's where america lives so true like [ __ ] that bit this country is shot oh this isn't bad not bad and that's gonna be the future holy [ __ ] man yeah i don't know if i i think sorry i'm just i'm here with positivity in life yeah yeah yeah [Laughter] because i feel like you just painted a very real picture but i think that's what it is because that that was for it to me that sums up america more than anything i am outraged this is fine yeah like that's america that is true like i can't believe oh this is nice yes yeah now we're very easily distracted why is everyone so fat mcgriddle like it's just this it's it's it's you can't control it so in that split second of like that's our country like i'm deeply outraged about all the injustices that are going on and also look someone has left the couch on the side of the road for free yeah that's kind of what it is that's exactly what it is yeah it's kind of uh man it's i mean it's kind of like i don't know the way you summarize it's like it's it's it doesn't feel like the whole thing is just like a shitty reality show we're all on bravo right now or something you just make the best of it you go look at look at throughout history that the things that people have had to contend with in their lives you know yeah um and we're actually pretty lucky to be able to most people didn't have the means to analyze the dissolution of whatever state they were living you know yeah we get to kind of sit back and go oh yeah this is over and here's why and here's what we might expect here's the range of possibilities and uh i think that's so much more of a healthy way to look at it than this crazy religious fervor can't hold on you can't hold on to no thanks you're right the best way is the acceptance of it of of you know there's no other way there's no other way the song's catchy yeah it's a catchy song hey maybe that person did need to get their ass kicked at the dr phil show yeah maybe the mother was the problem why was the mother harp this girl clearly had talent yeah and this basic [ __ ] mother is telling her not to go out and do drugs and [ __ ] people which are the literal ingredients for her career yeah yeah so now i look at it where i'm like the mother's the problem the daughter's the hero i mean america america yeah i mean that that's the whole so the audience are a bunch of hoes is that what you're saying yeah so um this podcast is brought to you by viori these pants are phenomenal i didn't even realize they were sponsored they came to the house and i'm wearing them non-stop i am super tactile about workout gear and these these pants change the game they give you a new perspective on performance apparel perfect if you're sick and tired of traditional old workout gear everything's designed to be worked out in but it doesn't look or feel like it so it's so comfortable you'll want to wear it all the time which i've been wearing all the time i did not know this was a sponsor i love when we get a sponsor and you did and i was like i love these pants um the men's core shorts are the most comfortable lined athletic shorts one short for every sport i love that uh the men's ponto ponto are the perfect lounge from work or home the women's joggers which leanne has are the softest you'll ever own no mistake when you wear those dolly joggers wear them daily they're high-waisted they're drawstring upgrade theory is an investment in your happiness and i am happy wearing these pants for our listeners they are offering 20 off your first purchase get yourself some of the most comfortable versatile clothes on the planet at viori.com bears that's v u o r i dot com slash bears not only will you receive 20 off your first purchase but you will enjoy free shipping on any us order over 75 and free returns go to viori.com bears and discover the versatility versatility versus versus first versatility versatility of your clothing this episode is also brought to you by bubs we're all looking for ways to stay as young and active as possible interesting thing happens in your 20s your body starts producing less collagen the protein that the body uses to replenish itself and that means you need to find a way to replenish that yourself and so if you use bubs natural collagen protein powder um it is whole30 approved nsf certified for sport so you know it's the highest quality and they give 10 of all profits to charity it's amazing when companies do things like this you can mix it right in your coffee your tea there's no grittiness there's no like grainy you know it's not like something that you're like chewing on it actually totally dissolves it's a hundred percent sustainably sourced grass-fed pasture-raised collagen peptides pairs great with their mct oil powder made from 100 sustainably sourced virgin coconut oil this is something you got to get on get 20 off your first order when you use the promo code bears at bubbsnaturals.com that's 20 off with promo code bears at bubsnaturals.com here in l.a right now yeah uh so this episode is coming out um when most people see it will be in october in october during the invasion uh actually this is my red invasion actually you know what this might be uh the episode that comes out the week the week before the election wow yeah because it's all like we have this is a good week before the election episode yeah this so far this is this is solid it's just good because you know what it is it's it's apolitical uh-huh i'm not coming in on one side no but i'm just riding the wave you're riding the wave but do you agree i mean i sense most people in la right now yeah it feels weird in l.a if there's weird in l.a right but i don't know this this shows me that like in in right now if you have not been to new york in a long time all you hear from people are like fantasies wild tales i mean if somebody asked me like well give me your best guess i'd be like well sounds like there's there's uh people jumping people in the streets and it's complete chaos and people all left the city i'm like i don't know it's a picture because news you can't really trust like you know the news is so sensationalized right but like you actually were there recently i was there when you went do you have to do the 14-day quarantine or fill out a health phone can we stop what did you do i walk off a plane they hand me a sheet of paper they say please write your name your contact info and your address and put it in like what looks like a suggestion box and and then they should just put it in there and i i took the paper and i wrote uh my name is governor andrew cuomo and uh and then i forgot what address i gave but i think i gave my friends address because i wanted him to get in trouble and like if there was a problem like i wanted the cops to go to his house yeah are you threatening to kill the governor um and i just put it in a suggestion it's it's like everything else fake and you get a text i gave them my real phone number because i was kind of curious and then they go like uh they don't even look at your name it's all automated they weren't like hello governor cuomo i mean i wrote my name governor cuomo on the sheet we tried to do yeah they're just like recently you have traveled to new york from a state that has a high rate of covet 19. we are pleasing to reminding you to quarantine i was like oh this isn't even that's it dude i thought someone's gonna have to call me be like uh hello is this this is andrew cuomo you know and i'm like um actually it's not you have the wrong number i thought it'd be fun um but so it's not real and then i stayed out east i went out to the hamptons i stayed out there cause i didn't want to stay in the city how was that the videos were very funny i mean that was a real fun one that was very very funny but um did you have you frequented the hamptons before not frequented i've been out there once or twice but it always that also seems like a fantasy like not real beautiful amazing well you know what it is i spoke to a few people out there and they're so detached and they're so rich and they're like aren't the problems mainly on twitter and i'm like well cities are burning they're like yeah but isn't that twitter like they don't understand that it's real life yeah yeah i'm like no there's real issues they're like yeah i don't know that seems a lot of the media and i'm like well yeah but there's some issues they're like cycles cyclical yeah you know just anyway you know um they're out of it like you everyone forgets like how crazy they are too sure like you look at the antifa people like okay you're nuts and then you look at like you know the people on the far right you're like well you're clearly not you're walking around a park with with torches yeah but then you forget like guys and polos in the hamptons are maybe crazier than both of them because those guys ignore that that even happens right and then you're like are they the same ones like should i just not should i be like um i don't know i don't i don't get you know but see i think they live in there everyone lives in their own reality but those people when you detach like that yeah maybe you are the most happy they are let me tell you right now really happy yeah they are really really hot they have beautiful families and uh they spend a few hours a week with them and they check in on them they check in you guys are right they check in on them and then they go out and do whatever they want uh but they're all i mean when your life is just about money how simple yeah right yeah when the only thing that you think about all day and the only thing you have to do is earn money it actually seems much more of a simplistic thing than like what we do or what anybody creative does uh because like it's just it it's a binary existence you're winning or losing right you're up or down it's kind of like a gambler it's like it's it's a real fine line between when things are good and when things are bad and you know when things are bad and you know when things are good like so my favorite quote right the guy says to me this is the perfect quote he sits there he's uh you know he's gonna i mean we're in this beautiful property it's like two acres and the americans said it's great and he goes this is my friend's brother and i'm sitting there and he goes like this he goes you know he goes do you want to go back to the old world and i'm like i don't a little bit and he goes he goes i'm so happy right now the time that i get to spend with my family he goes it's absolutely amazing and he goes listen if i have to make less money to just spend more time with my family i'll do it and then he takes a drink and then he goes like this and he goes and i looked at the numbers we're actually making more money in the beginning i'm like oh what a swede yeah yeah god and then he goes out to the numbers we're doing better actually so it's like oh yeah this is uh theater yeah but i then i went into new york city for a few days and i got an airbnb uh like 50 stories up in a hell's kitchen building uh which is right in the the den of horror which is times square right port authority bus terminal and me and my um guy that opens for me dan we're doing shows at the stress factory in new jersey good shows a lot of fun 150 seats in a tent feels like a festival feels like you're rocking out it [ __ ] wherever is it like in their parking lot it's in their parking lot it's in it's in the entrance to there i've done stress factory but yeah there's an entrance you know like that courtyard they just put a tent out there and it's killer man and you feel like you're in a real club i had not been on stage in five months it was amazing how was first time it felt great um it felt great within a second your the adrenaline walking to the stage is big big and then once you're up there and you get your first laugh like i forgot what i did i grabbed the mic and i think i one show i said i have 102 i have 103 temperature i feel great and then i i think the other show i just grabbed the mic and i went [ __ ] nurses you know yeah and then as soon as you get the first laugh you're back yeah the first laugh you're back it's like it's like it was like literally you know the last show i did was at the or the comedy store uh you know two days before the corona thing spiraled and went nuts and um i literally felt like that could have been uh yesterday i'm doing the show the first time tomorrow amazing a backyard show amazing all right i just want it it'll be my first it's gonna be great it'll be fun as soon as you get that laugh and you're in you're like oh i'm back in and it's amazing um but then staying they're closing all the parking garages in new york now at midnight because homeless people i guess are just walking down into them and they're like hey this is a fun cave yeah yeah what could happen here yeah i like cars yeah yeah you know like i imagine like homeless people like there's a there's a a cave full of luxury cars two blocks away yeah we don't have to be in the rain tonight right and so they are closing those at midnight so that me and my my opener we get back and we're driving around the city trying to find a spot everything's just weird man we went into a bodega at like one we're like standing there there's a homeless woman in there begging for tea the dude's like it's your third tee and then you're looking at two guys that are kind of walking around the bodega and you're like something feels off like are they about to whip a gun out am i just paranoid because of the news nobody's out at night new york city used to be and i lived there for years bumping dude bombing 3 a.m i mean i'm being a diner yelling at people yeah how [ __ ] this business was you know i have been denied the amount of bitter resentful bile that came out of my mouth as marinara sauce was flying out of it mozzarella stick by just being like the denial this [ __ ] that's a special um just nasty real horror i wasted so much in you like i loved it it was amazing but like uh just the amount of time i spent walking around being angry yeah and not in awe of what an amazing city it was like my opener he he paints this picture of like it's so amazing he's like it's just so easy to meet girls and you're dating and you just you're there you guys can go get margaritas and i'm like but what about the all the hatred like didn't you just walk around every day consumed with a darkness in you you didn't know how to get rid of he's like well not really no he's like i was dating and i'm like but what about the late nights on the roof of your building smoking a cigarette cursing god because so i but i i love it there i miss it a little never lived there again uh because me and new york have that relationship where we destroy each other um i was a tour guide i ruined people's lives i ruined vacations that people had saved up their entire life to come to new york to just see it and i would grab the microphone and i'd go this city sucks and i am dying in this city i have nothing and everyone i know has nothing everyone i said i know some of the most talented people and they're getting nowhere and people were like this is really we just want to see the lion king we just want to see the lion were you doing bus tours yeah double decker bus doors i would stand on the bus and i would just go out there and i would tell people i would say they'd be like it seems like you have such a fun job i say ask winter you know how many how many operations winter's had on her foot six she's had six foot operations she's 68 years old okay she doesn't want to show you carnegie hall anymore she wants the long sleep like it was such it was bad tour guides are tragic characters you become a tourist in your own home you start falling in love with the buildings you hate people yeah you hate people so that was my experience in new york was just an orb of negativity now the good thing about that was it was that ended up being very funny yeah that ended up being very funny but it was and there were nice times too like you know how how long how long in the city did you live in seven years why with the hell's kitchen brooklyn astoria but when we went back we're driving around the city we we finally parked on the upper west side we get an uber the uber is a full has the guys a full hazmat suit it's like 12 monkeys full hazmat suit uh we're in a car that is completely cellophaned me and him are in the back we then drive to the uh then the uber lets us out like two blocks from our uh airbnb i was like oh no good we're trying to plead with uber drop us off in front he's screaming in mandarin it looked like that's how corona started like if you didn't know how coronavirus started you would think it was that like two white fox being like drop us at our door and the station goes like no bad things are happening you must have bought you must it's like the beginning of just a movie and they drop us two blocks away and i look at dan dan's like 24 he's like you know he's 10 years younger than me and i'm like i feel responsible for these dudes sometimes on the road like the last thing i want is to call like his parents and be like hey man uh dan was stabbed last night uh but he did great on the show [Laughter] he did he has a new bit about kamala harris it really worked but he is in icu right now at bellevue and uh i i couldn't help him it was so quick it all happened so fast it happened so goddamn fast um but so me and him walk and do the walk from where the uber led us off to the front of airbnb was two blocks i've never felt like that i've lived i've been in new york since i'm a kid i grew up on long island i lived in new york for about seven years i never felt like that in new york city i mean i was they were sizing us up people were looking at it seriously yeah no yeah people were looking at us like what's this was in upper west side or no this was this was 42nd and this was the belly of the beast valley the beast so this is the end so it's that rough at night it is that area is an area and the cops will watch you get pummeled don't right don't get it twisted the cops will watch you get stabbed to death and you rewind uh and they're not on that they'll be like we're sick of everyone filming us we'll film you and they'll give it to fox news and be like run that on loop yeah get the people back on our side which i get yeah of course i get it nine months ago though that same area to walk nothing great yeah great everything would have been open yeah a guy like me would have been like that's 1 30 in the morning let me get a frozen yogurt you know yeah it's new york sure what deprive myself yeah let's get a frozen yogurt and go walk by the water yeah you know it's not possible not possible now it is a little sketch it felt a little weird uh food's still top notch food is good and that city it's one of those things where it's like you eat a bagel in that city like man they just know how to do this real well yeah it's not worth living there and getting shanked and raped for but i will tell you this it's the red sauce is just good it's just good they know how to do a [ __ ] you know they just know how to do it um yeah there's that bait there's a bagel shop out here where they go we bring in the we bring in the water from brooklyn yeah it's like right great like the water right by the way if you bring bringing the water from brooklyn how about using it to put out the [ __ ] fire yeah and not making a bagel you know this fire [ __ ] is today yeah like somebody goes uh hey is there a lot of smoke outside your place i go well there's fog there's what used to be clouds there's smoke and there's a collection of colors that has come that i don't even know how to identify what it is it feels like we're in a sound stage and i'm just looking up and i'm like i don't know where i'm at i look at i'm in desert i got out of la uh during the riots i just drove east and didn't look back um i look like a guy during the riots who gets burned alive and then people really don't care right like people look at me and go whatever that guy said to those poor people wearing black hoods yeah whatever he said to them justifies the fact that he was impaled yeah like that's the type of yeah oh yeah yeah no one sees this face and goes oh i'm sure he was on the right side of the cultural issue uh especially with the poet yeah so i'm like let me skedaddle and i went to desert house in the desert and it's beautiful i love it this podcast is brought to you by harry's when i first started shaving i first started using razors and i used like two shaves and then i throw away by the way i had peach fuzz my dad was like what the [ __ ] are you doing do you have any idea how expensive those blades are and i was like no like a dollar two dollars each he's like no they over charge for these blades and i'm paying through the nose for you you're using that blade for a year [Laughter] well luckily two friends that founded harry's jeff and andy were just like my dad and tired of overpaying for razors so they founded harry's as a return to the essential quality blades at an honest price as low as two dollars per refill they went to germany and found quality germany blades it's been a precision blades and they sourced their field steel from sweden and their entire manufacturing process from research and design to the factory floor this allows them to keep their prices super low they're delivering the sharpest shaves ever and they aren't raising prices stop laughing at me their new blades are so sharp that the guys shaving four times a week reported that harry's new blades can stay sharp on their a shave just as much as their first shape and they're confident they stand by their blades with a hundred percent money back guarantee at harrys.com and it's now available wherever you shop harry's has great offers for our listeners of our show new us customers can redeem a harry's trial set at harry's dot com slash bears for just three dollars you'll get a fly you'll get a five blade razor featuring their new sharper blades and a weighted aerogenomic handle foam shaving gel with aloe and a travel cover to protect your blade when you're on the go just go to harrys.com bears and redeem your for your trial offer do today are you heading to the desert right after this i'm going to whitney cummings house because she's doing a comedy show in her backyard tonight yeah it's a huge embarrassment for her and me and everyone involved um but who goes to the show i don't know she's got like instagram influencers and kesha and they're all playing with their [ __ ] i don't know tom tom i don't know what's going on but it's just what it is you know and i mean they're they're just doing wet ass [ __ ] in the in the pool and they're trying i mean they're trying to get followers it's like i don't know what's happening over there but none of it's graceful yeah the point is that uh and i love them shout out to everyone there but uh you know respect them all but uh yeah so i'm doing that show but i didn't think i loved i didn't think i dig it and i dig it it's so high it's a you can become a weird desert guy there's a weird beach guy yeah and i don't want to be either one of those guys yeah i'm a suburban basic [ __ ] guy yeah like that's what i and you're happy with that right i'm happy with it you you get to a point where you go what do i want i want a little mcmansion suburban basic [ __ ] guy i want a nice restaurant that i go to once a week and complain about i want a few friends that i sit in the backyard with i want you know a relationship with someone who's in it because i have that house and is cheating on me uh you know all these things are possible all these games are so realistic yes and i'm good with that like i don't need i don't want to live in a cool area i don't want to i'll never be able to afford a classic fifth avenue in manhattan or a beverly or anything like that i just want a suburb suburban basic [ __ ] existence because that's what i had growing up and that was fine and then i mean i i also then you know started doing drugs and going to other cool places like crack houses because i was like oh the suburbs are boring yeah and then you spend enough time there and then at the crack house and you're like well the suburbs kind of nice too um it's a yin yang so a lot of time in crack houses yeah i mean a good amount well i started doing coke at 13. so that's really yummy it was but it also really worked now it was so appropriate i mean i needed it wait i needed some kids need a little lime somebody okay i feel like at 13 it's almost like i i'm trying to think with a 13 year old mind i feel like you're either gonna were you did you have to be talked into it or were you just i was like what's that and someone said cocaine and i went oh cool oh and then and then i just blew it up my nose and then it like i then we got me and my friend got into it over the next few years and we would hang out with people that do it we drive into the city we go to bad areas bad places whatever so fun yeah so much fun i mean there's nothing more fun if you're listening you're a kid just do this there's nothing more fun than getting in a car with a guy named hector uh and his girlfriend sonia shout out to them don't know if they're still alive but i love you they're not alive but you know what actually those people somehow live somehow they live it's the guy that runs the 5k for charity that dies yeah um it really is and we would just drive and we would just do cocaine and smoke weed and blast music and i was like this is so cool to just be in a moving car god i love being in a moving car on drugs sitting in the back seat and people i didn't know but i loved but then how long till crack houses though well those we would do co we weren't smoking crack clearly we were not animals but that's a fun joke what i just did there was a joke about the commentary about the way cocaine and crack are viewed in society which has a real class this you know really racial lens to it yeah yeah and what i when i use the word animals what i was doing is shedding light on systems of inequality that continue to plague us today here's what thank you now uh we would go there was one in my town that this lady rosie owned and she was just a lot of fun they were just fun can we we have to just acknowledge that it's kind of fun sometimes to walk into a room with a dirty carpet with an overflowing ashtray of cigarettes and sit on a on a couch and pull a ratty blanket over you and say i am not going to be judged today yeah yeah something's nice about it something feels good and we would just go and we get to hang out and kind of just party and everything and then we'd go home and our parents were like where have you been we're like the park and our our parrots were horrible boomer parents they were like that's good and you know my dad's like working on his golf swing in the backyard like nobody has any clue my mother's planning a cruise you know she's like seven days in acapulco and i want to go to greece you know i remember being coked out of my face laying in my bed and hearing my mother go wouldn't it be good to go to greece and i'm like oh thank god i don't have parents oh my god thank god i never had parents you know because i was able to go out and just get [ __ ] up the boomers missed everything they missed everything boomers it was i've studied the boomer like people study like like errors in history the boomer is just such a fascinating selfish i mean run on self-will run rampant to a degree of la i mean our parents were into themselves to a degree that was hilarious and they still are like no matter what you say to them it will go back to them being a victim they have had the greatest run of any generation to have ever stepped on earth yeah okay other than vietnam which no one of my parent group served it so and the people that i know um they always have an uncle it's always like uncle johnny gave it so will you shut up yeah um and and they just skated they got every everything a lot of it right and they're they're victims like now when the whole corona thing happened i was explaining my aunt i'm like listen you know we're gonna have to reopen the world and she's like well i don't think so because i've worked my whole life and i finally want to travel so i don't want to get sick so i was like okay again this she says she's worked her whole life like that isn't something that everyone throughout history has done always yeah yeah right like she says it like only she's done it right i've worked i'm the person my whole life and i'm like oh you worked all of the days like all of the other people yeah we've all worked yeah but it's great and my dad just had my dad has a putting green in his backyard he's put a pudding green in his backyard so he can work on his putting whilst the world burns that's a pretty good yeah so this is where they're at that's where that that's where that generation that's how you miss your kids on coke right now yeah that's how you miss the kids on coke but i get it because if you had a kid on coke do you really want yeah do you if you had a closeted homosexual somewhat republican cocaine addict living in your house would you want to get in that kid's head you'd just probably step back and go let's let this play out they probably had private conversations where they go he'll be dead in two years and we'll try again and unlucky for them i'm here on national platforms telling everyone how much you both sucked and i didn't have to be gay or a cocaine addict i chose to do both those things because they did not get me a dog because they said that my mother was allergic to dog which was a lie that was a lie that was a lie because she just knew she would have to take care of it exactly they couldn't tolerate neglecting more than one thing at a time and uh well that's okay well anyway guys let me know how those grandchildren are coming did you see uh did you see that trump tweet where he goes uh kim jong-un's doing great never underestimate him i was like this is one of the craziest things that i've ever seen i will admit when if he leaves i'm gonna tell you right now it is i will miss a little bit of the fun it is so here's the thing we're going to be as much as we're like this guy's out of his [ __ ] mind there's going to be a real come down like a real like like oh big time like you just left rehab you're going to be like shit's boring man it is so normal and boring boring but then i feel like we're gonna have to readjust because we are like we're living at the scene of the movie where the car's hanging off the cliff and we're just like it when is it gonna and we've been in that moment for four years and that's not a healthy place to just yeah yeah um but yeah man i so my prediction is if he does lose and it goes okay and he leaves which i think he will i think he might like barely want to do anymore um i think he might go into some entertainment ask position oh yeah and i think dude i think within a few years he'll be doing jokes about himself like you guys let this kind of you guys let me be president yeah like i think he'll just go back to this carnival barker that's like a funny and i think people will like him again in the same way that they love george w bush remember when everyone hated bush hated him hated him no i mean like if you're a young if you're like 25 or younger you can't really imagine um how [ __ ] much people hated this guy's guts i mean i guess you'd remember if you're that age but there they were like this dude is first of all they were like he is he is dumber than anyone you could ever imagine he's the dumbest person that's ever lived he's the dumbest person that's ever lived and also like right alongside a serial killer he he yeah he'll send your son to a war that doesn't need to happen he doesn't give a [ __ ] that everyone dies yeah they they painted him and then now he's a painter yeah they love him um he's got a nice ranch that'll happen because what'll happen is um during president uh logan paul's first term i lie i like luke i want him to win and i'm gonna get involved in his campaign i've said it publicly a million times i do like that kid i think he would be great good at it but during his first term he'll make an error and everyone will go remember trump it's just the hindsight and the distance from somebody that because we'll forget a lot of the little that's what happened with bush is people forget details just big picture they're like i mean you seem pretty nice trump also i don't think other than the corona and obviously the economic crash a lot of bush's fuck-ups outlived hit like not outlived him he's still alive but like outlived his administration like we're still dealing with a lot of the things like the iraq and afghanistan wars this refugee crisis that you know sprang from destabilizing the middle east and all this stuff i think when trump's out he's out it's kind of like and that's why every comedian making a living [ __ ] on trump oh man or any i i predicted this i said you know comedy cyclical ev everything what's gonna happen is trump will be out eventually maybe four years from now maybe two months he'll be out eventually covet will be gone the economy will stumble back into something recognizable um nobody's going to want to hear either one of those names again yeah nobody's ever going to want to hear trump or covet in a comedy club or anything everyone's going to be like don shut up shut up yeah shut up you know what if you're doing i'm lying go try to do bits about the iraq war nobody wants to really hear about that so what'll what'll then happen is rich kids will move back into new york uh like they did in 2009 they will put on funny hats and flutes and they will start another alternative comedy scene they will not discuss anything real they will do bits about like malcolm in the middle or like whatever to them is like an arcane reference you know yeah they'll talk about uh you know video games and all that stuff and and uh you know and make each other laugh and they'll make each other laugh and then the industry will be like they're cool and we're cool too and and then that'll be you know and then it'll just be this guy's new [ __ ] it'll be a cycle and i i think what's coming after this is just like maybe a golden era or not a golden era but certainly an era of like absurdist comedy yeah that time which i'm for i'm like bring it on sure like the type of comedy where people are like we're just ready to be silly and goofy again let's get done with the rage right yeah and that's why a lot of [ __ ] like those videos i do it's like they're goofy yeah they're goofy and i'm ready for goofy yeah your videos are great wow thank you you're great um i do i do wonder like what is a what's because it's gonna be so he's so fueled by attention trump yeah that um that if he loses this election you got to imagine like what's this guy is going to be like i need it from like his post-presidency to me could it it'll be like none we've ever seen before it's not like he's gonna do like the regular [ __ ] that a guy does no i mean i it'll either be a media network mm-hmm where he'll he'll have the he'll be on every night it'll be like castro was just three and a half hours build a or here's the other option he just dies yeah because he is old and his oxygen might be the the running the president like yeah he did it yeah there's nothing else to do right you want to talk about accomplishing everything you've been married three times yeah you've you've run all of these businesses you've done all this stuff you've got your tv president united you're the president of the united states you've had a remarkable life you're the president we deserve you're the american story not abraham lincoln you're the real story yeah um that's the american story and i mean like you know when he dies play bad baby at the funeral and like you know it'll just be like you know the ultimate acceptance of who we truly are is people there's a great line in oliver stone's nixon which was a movie that a lot of critics didn't like because they're [ __ ] but uh it's a good movie you know these people that write about one um he goes uh he looks at a picture of jfk on the wall and he goes when they look at you they see what they want to be when they look at me they see what they are that is a great line that's a great line and i think with trump when we look at obama we kind of saw what we wanted to be kind of this middle-aged in-shape black guy yeah is that just me yeah or i might be projecting but and and when we see trump we kind of see what we are this bloated hilarious con artist who's just trying no impulse control who's just stuffing himself with mcdonald's and trying to lie his way into riches and fame yes and that's who we are what a i mean what a great way to wrap up an episode yeah you know and everyone go vote it won't matter but do it anyway it might um vote like vote like you do keto you go hey can't hurt [Laughter] and uh you know you don't really have to just don't right yeah just try yeah it's all going to go to hell this could this everything's going to fall apart it's a real we're in a real problem yeah yeah we're in a tailspin right now it ain't great yeah yeah this is is there some irony to you that that all that that it came together in 2020 like numerically it seemed like a perfect kind of you know i guess the number to me like oh 20 20. sounds like a cool year interesting about it but yeah i mean it's so bad that you don't even want it to have significance yeah that's how bad it is you don't even want it to be like part of a grand thing you're like just let some have but i i don't think it's the end we will limp through this yeah it's true and because and this is the greatest thing about america and this is the thing that people forget and this is why we always make it out it's because the citizens of this country ourselves included not putting any distance between the citizens of this country are our megalomaniacal sociopaths and when you are a megalomaniacal sociopath you can just kind of move on yeah don't you move on you just kind of move on you do and it's so important to focus only on yourself think nothing of anything else forget history and just move on i love it guys i don't think there's a more uplifting message i could leave you with um yeah we're definitely going to mark this for the week before the election so it's a good one maybe the day before yeah maybe because that's that's a tuesday and these come out on monday maybe this is our november second episode um tomorrow [ __ ] is gonna [ __ ] hit the fan yeah um they're gonna say we're gonna count votes for nine months because everything's coming in the rail we won't know any results there's gonna be people stabbed and shot in the streets but you know it's our country usa polo um the pot you have podcasts tim dillon show podcast tim j dillon d-i-l-l-o-n on all social media instagram twitter things like that dude thank you so much for coming thank you for having me on and i appreciate it this is really fun thanks brother and um america thanks so much r.p burt rip bert ripper yep tom tom and bert one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories inverts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave no scripts a bit of booze amateur pathology dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave
Info
Channel: YMH Studios
Views: 3,132,004
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast
Id: ANEjCOcnYwo
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 73min 15sec (4395 seconds)
Published: Mon Nov 02 2020
Related Videos
Note
Please note that this website is currently a work in progress! Lots of interesting data and statistics to come.