Ep. 123 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

it was gonna like melt off like it was gonna break because he was going did you see that guy put the scalpel through the head of his penis is that your thing I can't do that I don't know what's I don't understand is that your thing but the thing that you showed Joe 100 this episode of two bears one cave is brought to you by satva do you know that you spend like 25 years of sleep in your life if you live a full not Bert lifestyle you will sleep that much and you deserve to sleep on a high quality mattress and you can get one from satva s-a-a-t-v-a.com slash the [ __ ] and you get 200 off any mattress of your choice there they have amazing high quality environmentally friendly just premium mattresses if you like memory foam they have that if you want a traditional standard like luxury mattress they have that if you want a mattress that moves up and down and vibrates they have that they have them all and they're all amazing you can get 200 off any mattress you choose by going to satva.com the [ __ ] hey guys brand new what am I doing again I was doing bertcast intro yeah hey guys brand new hey guys all new two bears one cave from the West Coast Studios the West Coast the West Coast Centric Studios first Centric this is a visual representation of two bearsman cave [Laughter] this is oh there's one of me okay it's just that's enough I need to mix this up why because I was in a panic and I just all the art I had so I did this but what do you do with the otherwise that's the thing you know and it's like I I'm these posters are representative of the time of my life and then I like it um this is kind of rough because I go it's just all me but like what are you supposed to put pictures of someone else up you realize how um I don't know 30 years from now or something your daughters will have this stuff in their homes you know and somebody will come over who doesn't know who you are yeah and they'll go like what is that why is there a guy why is there a guy stripping at your house yeah who is the guy they'll be like that's my dad I know that's already happening to them I'm sure when they go to college George Goes to College it's going to be rough no one asked what their dad does in college though right and yeah they do people people will be like you know where you from oh you know especially she'll be like from La so la already has like uh you know Showbiz we're like well actually yeah yeah and then when like the guys who party find out do you know how many do you know how many the frats find out do you know how many uh uh chilly Willies like the guy the guy that did like the guy's a little bit of a mess with the start of the party kind of nervous talk to girls Life of the Party another ganger and then they're like you know that's the machine's daughter and he's like oh yeah she'll see in me when she sees her dad of course oh also when they'll be like hey this is like like one of the engineering kids made an apparatus that can like force the high volume beer they'll be like get Christ over here have her try it see I'm nervous I'm nervous that people are gonna say to her um like they're gonna think she part she has to party because she's my daughter yeah or that but you know what she will be hanging at least more like her Social Circle will be a lot of girls and they're not gonna be like I thought you get lit like your [ __ ] dad anal jugs your dad talked about it on two bears one cave anal jugs that's cool to her it'll be uh by the way I dressed up for you I see that and then I dressed up for you by the way you always I'll trust me like I don't understand even talk about it do you like dressing up you do like dressing up I like clothes but you not were always not that guy I actually kind of was until I wasn't and then I went back to it so you were yeah and then you gained weight yeah and you were like I'll just take this Dickies t-shirt I was just like I'll just give up on life foreign I mean you know what I mean like when you're also like when you're 27 and you're like oh this was the dumbest decision I ever made to pursue but uh like I'm just I'm in it now yeah and you're [ __ ] so poor you're not like what clothes should I get you know I I've never been I've never been a clothing guy yeah I was as a kid too and I actually remember like in yeah I've been to like middle school high school caught like getting like you know oh you you're dressed really nice like and I was like oh you know I didn't like it wasn't like an obsession but I mean I liked it I'm never um I I you're known for not wearing Mo like mostly not wearing clothes my whole life and I remember I remember I had to change hairstyles at time because they dictated clothing like yeah yeah like I dyed my hair bleached blonde in college you were that guy huh oh yeah how long did you have a deadline [ __ ] three times really yeah but what happened was I found that when you had your hair dyed like that you then had to dress like you had your hair dyed like that oh you couldn't just put on a collared shirt and go to the [ __ ] store yeah you had to wear the [ __ ] band t-shirt and the long pants and the like you had to dress like that guy and it was exhausting you called it today dressing up I put these These are brand new shoes I've never those are nice those are very nice these are Jordans yeah I got them at what was the name Peter do you know the name of the rest the shoe place we went to suplex sneakers in Philadelphia hooked us up those are nice and so they they brought these out and they're like these are nice I put these on for you um I put jeans on wait what do you what would you have worn actually uh I have it the other one's gonna wear black tights and a t-shirt no no shoes oh okay you have a nice t-shirt on I'll put it oh this is the James I love James purse that's nice though James purse is the nicest see that's what I like about I like to be low when did you get on some James first [ __ ] uh uh uh I did a photo shoot for probably secret time and I had a stylist and the softest right yeah and nice and I no no my little sister Cody put me on she goes you need James first it's a good looking shirt and I remember getting I was like what the [ __ ] it's 70 for a t-shirt yeah and she was like yeah but they fit nice they look nice they feel nice and so now all I really have is James purse t-shirts yeah and so I wear James purse t-shirts that's why when I take my shirt off on stage people like give me your shirt I'm like it's 70 . I can't give you this one yeah yeah yeah yeah but I like being low-key dressed up meaning like the stuff you have on is nice but you're not yeah like I've never been able to wear a blazer like I just don't look that's a nice one too it's pretty nice yeah and those shoes aren't even like there's something different yeah yeah like they're not are they Adidas they are but they're like a collab of it yeah exactly yeah so how do you because we were talking about this earlier how do you know how do you know what you like wouldn't that be cool if you had a website that taught you what you liked because I don't know what I like wait wait but you're like don't you feel like though the older like the older you get the more you become certain of what you like I feel more grounded in what I like as opposed to what you're describing I feel like I was like that for a [ __ ] decade but now people you know go what do you want to eat I'll be like I'll say it you know what do you want to wear this what do you like you know you just become more sure of yourself uh no no but if you said what do you want to wear I'd say track suits track suits so that's what you like workout clothes um I I wear jeans because that's part of the outfit you have to wear as a guy like you're gonna do stuff yeah um as far as shoes I'd always wear flip-flops that's true I just would always worry aren't you answering your own question you know what you like you like it yeah like it's like uh you someone had told me about this watch Patek yeah particularly is that what it is yeah or Steve Steve Fury we were in Vegas and he goes protectively that's uh what all the rappers wear and I was like oh cool and so the other day I'm I was thinking about getting George a watch for graduation yeah so I wouldn't even know what I yeah no [ __ ] right all of them I wouldn't even know what I liked in one of their watches yeah like if they had one with my face on it I'd be like that's what I like it's pretty red yeah they're I mean I I couldn't even tell you like when you see someone with a sense of fashion like Kanye West yeah and you go how do you know you like that like how do you know like you go this is dope and then you're like it's almost like nfts I don't really get nfts the same way I don't get fashion the same way I don't get art the same way I don't what do you mean you don't get art though looking around this is the art I put up it's me yeah but I mean if you walk through a place with art you nothing registers I mean you know what you like you don't feel like I like that painting right no I've never I've actually never been like that's a good looking painting if you didn't look at the prices would you know which one of those you liked okay uh well this is stupid I'd go with uh if I had to buy a watch for myself I'd probably either go with the blue one because I just like things that are blue or that black one that looks like it has a solar system yeah and it's 650 thousand dollars so also also the things I know I like is if they're expensive yeah right right yeah like I like I like expenses I'll tell you when I I definitely pull that move I know a few names but only a few and if I'm at um grocery store wine store and I'm like what kind of wine I'm like I I just find a type of wine I'm like how much is it okay that's perfect that's perfect yeah like I know or you know you can call but like Hitching Post is pretty good okay Miss yeah kamus is good yeah look but I go I look at the top and I'll go uh 45 has got to be good It's gotta be like 20 20 I'll take 20 you know like when it's like 6.99 you're like oh that's probably not good wine can I tell you I'm obsessed with fit fine really I don't know if they're still sponsors if they're listening I it's all I'm drinking right now it's all I'm drinking fit fine fit fine and I'm I'm saying this I know they're not sponsored with this episode yeah if I'm saying this for real you do not get hung over when you drink fit fine there's no hangover I mean for me for me sugar there's no sugar so I get up I get up I work out hard as [ __ ] the next day and I feel good and it's like a bottle of Syrah give Leanna glass I drink the rest and I [ __ ] sleep great you already worked out today no I no we're dealing with the weather issues and so I was gonna get up at six and work out and I slept and I've been sleeping a lot lately so I was like I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna sleep up until eight a sauna a polar plunged and then I got dressed and I was this and then I was and then our flight got canceled today so we're not flying today so I was like I have the whole day I'll just work out today you wanna know something crazy I put my medication every now and then I throw a Xanax in one of the days and don't tell myself and so just to give myself like a little surprise like like all of a sudden it's happened I did it on the bus one time where I I'll wake up if I'm on the bus and we're driving I'll wake up like six a.m and I'll uh go and take my medication and piss Ed and I took my medication I went back in the bunk I woke up at one like what happened and I was like oh [ __ ] I think the Xanax was in that hand folks I put them in the little pool cases today uh I I went to pop them in and as I went to pop in I went oh my God today's the Xanax day I didn't even know I just threw it in today what what are you doing so I just took it out I was like I was like I can't think of Xanax today so you just are like you're randomly mixing them into your I'm randomly Roofing myself and it's such a treat when you go hold on did I do yeah again that is such a good feeling oh it's such a good feeling the uh yeah I don't understand fashion I don't understand like like pull up a Basquiat right what do you mean you know I don't understand what you mean you don't understand fashion so Kanye Dress Kanye West dress is like a goofball he dresses weird as [ __ ] like and and I like he's wearing gloves and this oversized jacket and these Moon boots and I go I I would never buy that and then go oh that looks really cool nah but you know fashion designers always go to like another level they don't dress like normal people so like pull up a basket right okay I don't I'm not certain I could oh I like that I like the I like the dinosaur with the oh that's because I've seen it on cell phone cases God damn it let me see like I'm not sure that I'd be able to tell you how much that's worth well I wouldn't know how much it's worth either but you can't you have a sense of whether you like it or not like I do like it yeah it's cool I mean I don't know if you think it's cool I'm just saying like you know I do like it but it's but it's framed against the fact that I know that it's a Basquiat right right right right right that I know that he was an important painter now you say his name I think so it's not basketball it's probably that oh like uh like what what's uh David Joe yeah he's he pull up David Joe like I know he's great like I would love a David Cho painting yeah I mean I'm never gonna afford one but I don't know I would love to have him explain what I would love to have him on the podcast my podcast and like that's cool yes he's super talented is it better than like a very accurate painting of you where I can't tell if it's a picture it's just a different type of you know skill set and art those hyper realist things I'll tell you what last night we're watching uh you said something to me one time about your dad your dad would def he'd be like he'd defend he didn't like other Comics because he liked you so dumb yeah Leanne does that the last time I'm sitting there land [ __ ] on uh on Chappelle she's like I don't get it and I was like I'm like like on Netflix we're watching uh have you seen his uh his accepting of the Mark Twain yeah I think that's so good yeah it's so good Colin Jost [ __ ] murders that one I mean everyone kills Neil Brennan it's it's first of all everyone's speaks to him but more importantly is Dave doing stand-up at the DC Improv kind of just messing around and uh and it clearly is messing around all of it is messing around yeah but she's not watching I think they played one of his clips from espresso a few clips from special it was before that she's like yeah I don't you know it's like I'm not like Blown Away the Way You Are by Dave Chappelle and I was like I was like hold on I was like you can't say that and this and then I was like oh I think she's defending I think she's defending me like going you're better than he is like and then I remember you saying that would be like that guy's [ __ ] horrible he wouldn't watch other people here we go on uh Cruz and they always have like comedians on cruises yeah and like my mom's like yeah you know I would go let's go to the comedy show and he would go what about Tommy she was like what yeah she's like there's a there's a guy on the ship let's go watch the show and he's like I wouldn't do that to my son like it's not you're not disrespecting me and he's like I don't watch anybody but you I'm like dude you should you should you might like it yeah he just didn't register it like Liam was doing that last night when she fell and I was like she said uh she was like no disrespect to Colin Jost he was probably the in my opinion probably the tightest funniest out of the whole thing Neil Brennan's awesome no respect to anyone but what I'm gonna say is like Colin Jose goes up and like it's he's with uh Keenan the guy from Fatburger yep uh Michael Chang and they both make some okay jokes they're pretty good jokes you know like Michael say it was pretty good I've never I didn't know you had this many old white people as fans and whatever and Colin Jones shows up in really [ __ ] Guild and then Leanne goes he's the funniest one and I was like they're just calling jokes but he's not funnier than Dave Chappelle okay and just like he's very very funny but yeah we're talking about the guy's getting the Mark Twain award yeah like he's getting it for a [ __ ] reason he is a genius he is a [ __ ] Savant like yeah he's so good even just when he speaks he speaks in funny you started the [ __ ] mayor of DC at the time on this thing and he goes uh you're so good you can smoke crack like just you know I think you're that good you have that kind of wiggle room with me yeah but like the idea that he says you have that kind of wiggle room like that's what like that and so I go uh like as we talk about art I go I definitely know what funny is but as a broker of Comedy yeah I can't translate that into the market and go this is a Basquiat yeah you're right I mean but that is you're right because we could sit here with like um an art dealer and then they could break [ __ ] down for us in a way that we don't understand which I I you know and then we just have to take their word for it that's true music's an interesting one because we all have exposure to music and we all have preferences and taste and everything but you ever I don't know you ever listen to a song and somebody who plays musics around they're like Jesus dog [ __ ] and you're like oh that's one of my favorite songs and they're like yeah you know regular people think this is good and you're like oh like you know the biscuit I was obsessed with the biscuit like I mean they spoke to me like artistically I could break down Limp Biscuit lyrics I mean I it was I was so obsessed with Limp Bizkit and then when like America they didn't turn on the biscuit but like that genre was looked at as more um more like plastic like more fake I don't know what it was but like clearly that a trend moved away from it the same way it happened with Motley Crue where it's like something that was a little different showed up I was heartbroken I was like no more Limp Biscuit albums like Fred Durst was speaking my language yeah I did it all for the nookie you love it oh let me say mccreed like yeah like and then and then music is interesting because has that happened with hip-hop like has hip-hop been divided the way that Rock's been divided oh yeah at this point yeah because it just got so enormous oh yeah you got Mumble rap and you got everything man it's it's a it's it's humongous so how great is DJ premiere yeah how come you know so much more about rap than I do probably because I was obsessed with it as a kid I was too though really did you have some like I was too but I always had is it because I had to get mine second hand I didn't get mine like third and fourth my rap knowledge was so Stepped On by the time it got to me that like because I was hanging around mostly dudes who didn't hang around listen to rap um I mean I made it like a did you have meaning did you have a dealer as a kid that got you the inside track on rap like a buddy oh not really no I just would know I would figure out where to like at that time you know the radio's huge so I'd find like the the big hip-hop stations a lot of times they would introduce you to new stuff and when you were in South Florida yeah and I would Target you know I would go like obviously I would watch like um TV wraps I'd watch bet like I would go to platforms where I would be able to consume what was be it probably would have been cool if I had like a guy who was three years older and like real dialed in and like you know like DJ or something yeah but I remember I used to get singles and play them you know and and at parties or in someone's car and they would go like where the [ __ ] did you find this like so my friends for them to them I was the guy you know finding that stuff this podcast is sponsored by better help online therapy relationships take work a lot of us will drop anything to go help someone we care about we'll go out of our way to treat other people well but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment this month better help online therapy wants to remind you to take care of your most important relationship that is the one you have with yourself uh I've been in therapy for a long time it feels good it sounds selfish to say it but it feels good to go into therapy and to take care of yourself and you should allow yourself that it does you walk out and you go God dang it I feel good uh better help is online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to like I do sometimes I get on the treadmill and I do it just on the phone and I know it sounds like I'm not doing all the work but it feels amazing I had to get till to kill kill two birds with one stone it's more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in just under 48 hours give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used better help online therapy this podcast is sponsored by betterhelp and two bears one cable listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com Bears that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com slash Bears online shopping isn't slowing down anytime soon is your business ready to keep up the pace with ships station you'll never worry about shipping again make the switch to a solution that handles all your shipping needs quickly affordably and painlessly shipstation is already trusted by over 100 000 e-commerce sellers precipitation puts everything in one interface so you see what's coming in what's gone out all the different carriers you can use you save money when you compare carrier options and choose the best shipping solution every time save your sanity knowing your orders are handled and you're getting the best rates no wonder 98 of companies that use shipstation for a year keep using it for as long as they're in business it's that good ship more in less time with ship station just go to shipstation.com Cave to get a 60-day free trial that's two months free of no hassle stress free shipping visit shipstation.com cave ship station make ship happen Okay so on the same genre of art I remember getting introduced to Method Man oh yeah and and not understanding it not understanding it yeah not being able to wrap my head around me and my buddy Mike Osborne I was in a car I used to drive safe escort um and uh I drive girls around campus and and walk girls around campus and then on weekends I'd Drive black chicks to FAMU it was basically all they took it on on weekends yeah and this guy was I I think a guy was in the car with these girls who was from Staten Island or someone from was from New York in that car and they were mocking me because all I listened to was like Outcast I think my I I think at the time my my rap was very focused on South Florida Florida Georgia um maybe like MJG and eight ball and they said if you've never heard of Method Man and I was like no like I have no idea and they're like Wu-Tang Clan and I was like No And then they start in the [ __ ] car going oh dang Clan Ain't Nothing to [ __ ] with and I'm like I'm like I'm a little scared there's like eight [ __ ] eight chicks and a dude in this car slammed in and we're in like a k car you know what a k car is yeah yeah and I'm [ __ ] like okay all right guys I'll get it next like on Tuesday records dropped I go to the store I would go to record drops on Tuesday yeah and I bought Method Man right the album pull up the album to Cal the album I didn't get the cover of the album because it wasn't God there wasn't it was just like a it's like a [ __ ] mouth dude we had a um we're on our radio station we had a wall where every time he came out with a new AKA It Was Written in marker it was like 40 names deep are you serious yeah like written down it was like Method Man to cow hot Nixon Johnny Blake like all the way down I couldn't that's a great [ __ ] okay that cover that album I couldn't understand what was what and I now I see Wu-Tang right and I've heard them singing in the thing I didn't know what Wu-Tang was yeah I didn't know what method Man was and that album was like him going and I was like do you have a asthma like and then he had teeth in in like the pictures on the inside of the thing and I'm like is he a vampire uh like France like yeah and I was like what is I was so confused I remember uh literally 100 remember watching your MTV wraps and they were on the set I think Fab Five Freddy was on the set of uh the mystery of Chess boxing on YouTube so on that video that's the video where like they have like the masks on oh yeah and he was like he's like we're you know he with the Wu-Tang and so it's new and he and it it had a Vibe of this is new this is different and like unpredictable like almost like kind of scary yeah you know and then they dropped the video and you're like what because it really was a new sound like nobody sounded like that I really knew yeah and then you're like like there's nine guys in this thing what the [ __ ] going on so many people to be in a group uh but yeah that that whole sound that became like I mean when that dropped it was it changed everything yeah but I I my commitment to Method Man I've never it's like it's almost like uh dating uh of a woman dating a fat dude and going I'm gonna get him to lose weight yeah and get him because I was like I will figure out why this is good because I was like there's no way everyone that car was that into it yeah and I can't find out like what did you come around to it or something hardcore okay hardcore one day um I want to say it was the Mary J Blige video yeah where I saw I was like where he wasn't dressed up in a costume he was just a dude yeah and I was like oh he just is a like this sounds so silly but it was like I really had to figure it out the same way people had to figure out tenant the movie tenant like oh yeah I had to watch I had to listen to it a hundred times and go and then my buddy Mike Osborne was uh would start going like quoting parts of the song and we'd find it interesting all I need is that you're talking about yeah what was the songs what were the songs on that album and then pull up all Method Man's nicknames and then put him up against who do you think has the most nicknames but between who and who him Big Boy from Outcast uh to cow bring them I came to bring the pain yeah like I mean all all I need is a hit and then and then Cuban links came out yeah and I didn't understand that I didn't understand that and I could never turn the corner on it because I thought Cuban links I didn't know it was a chain yeah I thought it was a I thought it was a person it was because I was in Florida so I was like oh it's gonna be a Cuban some dude in Florida it was like that was like lessons in crime that's what that happened here's how to be a criminal yeah that great that's a great yellow style yeah um I want to know like let's look up his nicknames with Method Man's nicknamese do you think you need more nicknames let's add some nicknames to each other hot Nixon uh Johnny Blaze um trying to remember the iron lung that's right hot nickels Johnny Dangerous these are great wait wait hold on hold on hold on hold on start it over because I'm too busy thinking of nicknames for me okay I'm I'm thinking of a bunch of new nicknamese blazini hot nickels iron lung Johnny Blaze Johnny Dangerous miza meth methacao Mr meth Shaquan the panty Raider the Italian Stallion God Allah yeah there's there's it was like it was more than that dude it was like I feel like it was 20 deep man just pull up pull up big boys nicknames uh daddy fat sacks yep lucious left foot it's so they it's so good oh Chico Dusty chica does General Patton General because his last name is hot tubby Tony Francis Tony Francis hot tub Tony Francis Tony Francis sir Lucius L left foot I mean yeah uh who else has great nicknames for themselves like Tupac never gave himself good nicknames no he wasn't really a nickname no uh Notorious B.I.G I remember being a little confused because I was like uh but because I I'd get confused I didn't really have there was no Wikipedia to like look at and get your information so I would look at these things like you'd hear someone and you go wait who is he is he um Notorious B.I.G or is he uh yeah big papa right like I know that sounds so silly now no I know she couldn't back in the day you'd be like a little confused about things type in rappers with the most nicknames uh who do you think the rapper with the most nicknames is that's a good search actually um who would have the most nicknames Drake uh I bet puff has a bunch of nicknames right oh yeah Puff Daddy puffy P Diddy yeah Diddy he he is Sean go to seven rappers with the best nicknames okay Travis Scott okay next one Drake next one next one champagne poppy Yeah Lil yachty next one Jesus Christ give me someone I care about two chains okay titty boy Mac Miller okay God damn it do they have anyone that we listen to Kung Fu Kenny action Bronson's got a lot of nicknames go to Action Bronson let's see his nicknames um I listened to that Action Bronson Action Bronson was so smart because when I go to my when I go to my music yeah the first name that comes up artists is Action Bronson yeah action [ __ ] Bronson and so I listen to um Dr Lecter and Mr Wonderful all the time yeah oh I mean so much what are his nicknames Bam Bam Ron celino Mr baklava all right we really do need better nickname we do uh I'm gonna call I'm gonna give myself um okay I got the machine I mean that's gonna be your big boy birdie boy big boy birdie boy yeah um they call me baby Churchill uh uh yeah the uh tapatidos huh wait give yourself something I mean um buns tea buns T-Bones Tommy buns Tommy buns um big dog big dog yeah yeah um uh jeans jeans steak weight steak weight I just made it up water champ water champ yeah the water champ on the tour bus champ you're the you're the Dunk champ I'm definitely the dog fan um what is it I get yelled at all the time is this bit as I was doing about I I was doing about you uh falling yeah and I was like it's not it's like I did it a couple times on stage it was just so much fun and uh and people y'all don't Jam he said don't Jam he you um I guess a guy saw you last week and then the next day came to see me I don't know if you flew or what yeah we're like walking from the bus to the venue he's like hey man hey I'm like return he's like I saw Bert last night we're like cool he's like you said you were fat and I was like okay he goes I just take away from my Vegas all right he goes no I'm just letting you know I go I got it he goes he said you were fat all right man then he walks away it was like everybody was like that's it I'm like that's it that's what I said that's what people stop us for um I'm gonna I'm gonna spend I'm gonna spend a lot of time this weekend coming up with a list of nicknames that I'd like to I like I like baby Winston was it when I say baby Winston or baby Churchill you said Churchill maybe Churchill baby Churchill um I need something with Tito's yeah I need I love I love the titty boy like I love that I love that oh you know titty boy titty boy's pretty good titty boy's a great one didn't you have something like from your childhood where you're like nature oh Nature Boy Nature Boy because I would take my shirt off in high school and uh you were doing that in high school yeah I was doing that in high school just walking around the halls like that there's a picture of me and my senior year year yearbook and I look the best I've ever looked in my entire life ABS pecs dealts and I'm playing intramural football and I saw it once I saw it one time the picture I saw it one time and I think about that picture consistently how that's not up here as something I will never understand that should be framed and on the wall I should just have by the way I look skinny in all these [ __ ] pictures compared to now that's the beauty of gaining weight is you always look skinny in old pictures yeah I look at pictures when George when George was born I was like [ __ ] I look fat as [ __ ] now I look at pictures do you have a lot of nicknames for your kids Leanne's a nickname oh I got fetus yeah is either calls me fetus really fafetus oh George and Isla did this bertrude mcfuzz yeah we have a good amount of nicknames for kids push is a hardcore nickname Big Time nickname Giver yeah who's someone who doesn't really have nicknames Russell Peters what are his nicknames Russ that doesn't count yeah Joe Rogan doesn't have a bunch of nicknames I would I would say I would say Russ probably does have more that we don't know did I send you my did I tell you my Joe Rogan story no I talked to Joe this morning oh I have not told you this at all no this is going to be this is going to break the internet just so you know okay so you know what happened with Joe and Neil Young right yeah do you know why Joe did that video why he ran into Neil Young no yes he's in Austin at a at some restaurant or whatever and he Joe's sees Neil Young sitting at the bar so he goes up to the bar and Joe's like hey man I'm really sorry all this [ __ ] going on I'm a huge [ __ ] fan and Neil Young's like ah sees Jones like I'm leaving and he's like Joe's like hey we're two grown adults we can talk this out and he's and Joe tells him the story about you know so Neil's like fine [ __ ] reluctantly sits down in the stool and he's like uh she was like please let me buy you a drink Neil Young's like all right he's like I'm not from Austin what do you recommend and Joe goes well I definitely wouldn't do the shots but uh get it laughs yeah I mean you know I got it do you know I was like what it's when you're like he's like I'm not from Austin what should I get [Music] at this bar so I wrote that so like last night I'm sitting there going I'm driving back from sickler I did a Sickler's podcast yesterday and I'm like uh and I and I see everyone's like talking about Joe and Neil Young and I'm like it's so [ __ ] ridiculous because it's uh to me I to me it's ridiculous on so many levels but like I don't and I'm not I'm not gonna tweet that I'm never gonna tweet what my feelings are about because obviously everyone knows I'm team Joe I love Joe yeah um I actually like Neil Young's music a lot oh man take a look at your mom a lot like you um so I said I'm a comedian my job is not to be my politics my job is to make a joke yeah so the joke I wrote this is the joke I wrote and then I was like it's I think it's better if I tell it the tell it the way I tell a story right where you're involved um it's a [ __ ] this is how I wrote it okay Neil Young walks into a bar sees Joe Rogan sitting at the bar stops his foot starts to walk out just as a meal I'm really sorry about this whole Spotify thing tell you what first round's on me Neil reluctantly walks over and says thanks Joe what do you recommend Joe says in my opinion the shots are no good I'd have a beater right so that was like a straight stand-up joke that I wrote and then I was like I'm not gonna speak I don't want to deal with the [ __ ] I don't want to deal with it so I just wrote it and then I go into the house and I go I'm gonna try it on the end right I'm gonna try the way I tell it so I tell it try the way I tell it [ __ ] right past her and she's like sweet and then what happened and I was like well he said I would definitely not get the shots in my opinion I'm a beer and she's like okay then they had a beer I was like no you didn't want him to get shots she was like why not I go because Joe had done his research and he found the shots at this bar had caused like a thing and she was like what [ __ ] shots do that I said well moderna she goes what's modern I've never been at moderna and so we started [ __ ] I was like and then of course [ __ ] 15 minutes later he's like I don't get this so uh so uh and then I and then I told her the joke the straight stand-up joke she's like actually that's not that bad but I don't do jokes like that but I wrote that joke it's like the um sometimes I'll write like a cheesy joke yeah like uh I mean it's almost like purposely hacky right um like uh but then if I tell it's fun to watch someone get a joke that's bad especially when you commit yeah like I told you about the one when I was out of flying out of LaGuardia yeah and the guy had a the people had their dogs and one guy had a snake and he was like this is and clearly he was just he was moving and didn't want to [ __ ] put it under the plane he's like no this is my uh security animal and the guy I think I gotta be honest the guy at the gate handled it pretty well he was a black dude he was like I ain't letting no [ __ ] snakes on this [ __ ] but it's like fun when you go it's fun it's the fun thing about it's like it's like when you get to tell someone you need some up dog what's up dog not much what's up with you doc so wait the best the best one I've ever done with that yeah we're doing our movie in Serbia my co-lead is from is not from America is she's a very she's her English isn't is great her English is phenomenal way better than my Serbian Chechen whatever the [ __ ] better than your Serbian yeah yeah but she um she says uh so I I tell her uh a teacher these nuts oh end with a good one and I said uh have you seen D's she's like Deez who I said Deez Nuts she's like I don't get it because if you don't have a reference for why we think it's funny you don't get it I said it's a joke it's like I don't understand it I said it's like uh it's like a smatter baby she's like what's the matter baby and I said no it's about a baby what's the matter with you she went huh and so but finally she goes she it's it's this goes back to art it's only funny if you have a frame of reference yeah for why that's funny the same way Basquiat is only good if you have a frame of reference for what's good so then like a week later we're sitting in the tent and she said um Brooke can you uh can you grab the stylist D's and I went I've not only I've met her she was just asking her I said who's these and she goes Deez Nuts but the way she said it was so [ __ ] better these nuts and we were crying [ __ ] laughing and I was like you got me and then all of a sudden it became funny between the two of us and then all of them were our jokes it was it was the it was like it's a really giving up what you're doing there is you're giving the formula out you're like here's how here's the formula to play with you know yeah the formula is is the Deez Nuts a premise but like if you don't if you're not aware of it then it's not fun to play it you know do you think there's someone listening going I don't never like Australia do you think they played Deez Nuts in Australia probably this episode of two bears one cave is brought to you by hellofresh with hellofresh you get farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep skip trips to the grocery store and count on hello fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable that's why it's America's number one 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understand the options the policy genius team can look for ways to save you more money and if they find you a better rate than what you're paying right now they're going to switch you over for free customers who bundled their home and auto policies with policy genius saved an average of 1250 per year over what they were paying the policy genius team works for you not the insurance companies you can trust them to offer you unbiased help and advocate for you every step of the way until you're covered head to policygenius.com to get your free home insurance quotes and see how you could save do you think because did Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg start these nuts uh uh Deez Nuts I don't know if they started it but that that bit on the album definitely I think that's where I learned it yeah I don't know if they actually what uh 1992 Dr Dre releases debut studio album The Chronic which featured a skit track called Deez Nuts yeah that's what that's where it comes from though so that would be a great nft yeah if Dr Dre had a picture of his nuts and he was like Deez Nuts I bet it's not so huge you think so gotta be why I don't know just for confident man he's confident dude he's [ __ ] jacked me he is I'm gonna do that in my career yeah yeah call my next special finely tuned machine just be jacked yeah he's the what's naked Dr Dre naked yeah that's what I want to see Halston I you you do though no no no no no it's just you stopped it's not Dr Dre you're not gonna get Dr Dre you're just gonna get a bunch of black men naked that's Tupac Tupac's dick go go hang on pick that picture how is there not a Tupac sex tape is that why is that blurred out there's no non-blurred one and let me see a hand tattoo so I know that it's him his ex-girlfriend is selling his dick pic for seventy five hundred dollars yeah I put it up in this I put it up in here I think it's probably pretty healthy yeah he's got he's got that like uh like there's certain guys that don't care about the size of their dick that always have big dicks right my dick was so small today by the way the girl saw me naked again wow such a [ __ ] jackass it was on Instagram too I got out of I go in the mornings I go out I walk out on a robe I'd sauna Polar Plunge shower do that all naked I do it all naked it's on a Polar Plunge and then uh one time there was one time where I got out and there was a dude trimming trees and I heard him trimming trees in the sauna I heard them I didn't even think about it I got out naked I get in the Polar Plunge I get out of the Polar Plunge I'm showering and he's still sitting in the tree but he's just watching me he's just like and I was like morning he's like hey but so I get out of the it's the tree right there it's still trimmed the I get out of the the shower I have my phone with me yeah and I'm doing an Instagram story and I and I go uh I said this is where you start today or whatever um little polar puns a little shower and then walking through your own backyard naked and I go Mac I see Mac I go hey Mac what I don't know is the girls are in the kitchen making breakfast they hear hey Mac and turn around to see and it's me naked and they're like holy [ __ ] like I'm like hey look at my dick and it was after the Polar Plunge it was pretty small how big uh like just like the head kind of sticking out yeah like the top of a Buffalo Trace bottle and I would do it this way I wouldn't even do it this way yeah yeah I do it this way I mean it was Tiny and I was like God damn it whatever please got a nice dick that's flea Woodstock 99 he did it nude I was watching a documentary last night I think that's a nice way to it not bad but don't put that picture on our podcast no um the uh yeah I I'm not uh I'm not did you always know that it was Buck Naked I thought it was butt naked it is but it's Buck Naked yeah that was butt naked Buck Naked I thought Buck Naked was wrong really yeah I thought that I always thought that so is it but is it Buck Cherry I don't know I don't know why where it comes from buck this is a good comparison here while both uh buck and butt naked are used to describe someone who is fully nude Buck Naked is the older of the pair but but naked as much newer and likely uses sees use because of but having a long history referring to a person's buttocks yeah but I don't even why are you buck naked well it looks like a buck is I bet it's for a hunting term meaning if a buck comes out of the buck naked is completely without clothing Stark naked and butt naked is when you have socks on hmm well it would I was I was gonna say I think it's a hunting term by the way are you running a timer on how long we've done uh yeah what is it 50 oh that's not bad um it's but I would say that coffee what yeah uh yeah I was gonna play another prank on you and tell you that I make them myself because I was putting them in the styrofoam cups yeah and they're from Starbucks okay my man thank you Nitro oh yeah splash of oat milk oh do you ever want to take time off from coffee and see if you can reintroduce it to your life and get that first buzz back I didn't want to do that with cigarettes more you just start smoking right now and not feel the effects I I started um not long ago again are you serious yeah around shows it's fun no way yeah shut up I've been trying to encourage people to do it too don't don't why Bert hold on don't but I'm passing out right he was saying don't judge people just like wow that's really don't encourage Bert to do it that's the time where I'm gonna get lung cancer what no I would have had to start when I was a child like if you see there's people that go I smoked since I was 40. well then that's I got 20 years of smoking right yeah how long does I think you'd be fine I think so too it might probably lose some weight you'll definitely will you get you get done you [ __ ] take a [ __ ] how long oh my God why isn't this on average respondents in this group consider that smoking can cause cancer only if One smoker one smokes at least 19.4 cigarettes per day for an average reported consumption of 5.5 cigarettes per day and that cancerous becomes high for a smoking duration of 16.9 years or more okay you're good I'm gonna have five cigarettes a day and you're good if you're so you're saying have four this is what we need to do is get flagged by the um by the um like the way Joe gets flagged yeah we got to get flagged a couple times did you just fart yeah nice well so so you're saying statistically that doctors actually what does this say here's another one that says at a 35 year old male who smokes fewer than 25 cigarettes per day is estimated to have a nine percent lifetime chance of dying of lung cancer whereas 25 cigarettes per day or more gives him an 18 lifetime chance of dying of love I mean that's almost like saying cigarettes don't cause lung cancer I mean 25 are you gonna smoke that much dude no that's that's smoking a cigarette every hour on the hour 30 minutes we leave here smoking a cigarette every 30 minutes yeah that's what a pack is who the [ __ ] smokes there's a lot of people like that let's leave here and smoke cigarettes do you have any here no Brian Simpson had some blunts hmm what do you have to do today you just got to do a show tonight yeah I gotta do a couple things after this yeah yeah do you like being in La by yourself because this is It's almost like you get rid of your family and you get back to your hometown and you get to like do [ __ ] that you don't normally do because you have no responsibility but dude the the you know when you're doing like doubles it it's exhausting don't you think uh it is I don't feel like I have that much of a window during the day not really it's just try to relax here's the thing I I don't I don't know if this is an accurate statement I don't know if I agree with what I'm about to say but I'll say it anyway double shows in a night are are more work than one show but to do it in a bigger venue sometimes you miss the fun of those two shows like expect there's nothing better than the second show yeah second show first show San Diego was probably one of the best shows I've had in my life it's because Leanne went through and tore my ACT apart and was like it's garbage you [ __ ] you're up there listening to yourself talk you think you have two hours you really have an hour like she just went through Salt and Bakersfield and was like I was like I have notes and uh and then and then I and then I was like I was like yeah man I'm not doing I'm I know I'm doing the work I'm not doing the work that I know I need to do you know make it better I need to be getting on I need to be getting on stage and doing I need to be getting on stage and allowing myself to fail and I'm not willing to do that in theaters I'm I'm only gonna I'm never gonna [ __ ] take big swings where I took one big swing in one place and I and it did not go well it was like a new joke where I thought would be uh good and it just didn't go right and so I was like I need to be going to the store every night I need to be and I'm not I'm just I'm on the road so much that I'm I get Monday Tuesday home I'm not gonna do stand up I'm gonna [ __ ] hang out with my family but uh but I started diving in and doing more the more work where you go where you're willing to yeah it keeps going back to Art do you ever remember Bob Ross what of course he'd put the painting up and then all of a sudden he'd put like a chunk of black like you just ruined it happy little bushes right here yeah but you'd watch him add to it and be like stop yeah it's good the way it is just the mountains I know you kind of want that um I guess that's Leanne for you telling you what's good and what's not good she's she's good at telling me when I'm being gluttonous and she gets bored very easily like very very easily so like the second I'm not getting somewhere with a story and then she'll point out the obvious a lot it's like it goes nowhere and I'm like yeah I know it's not [ __ ] finished she's like no yeah but it doesn't go anywhere you're like I'm well aware of that I gotta try to get her to like Chappelle hilarious this is too funny it's it's I mean it's just so and then she laughs at the stuff he says like she laughs at like she laughs hard at like the Joker he's uh talking about the f word and the n-word and he goes why can't I say the f word she goes because you're not an f word and he goes well I'm also not an n-word oh yeah yeah she'll after that was that was a very [ __ ] fine-tuned way to explain that as a white man uh he but he she laughed at that and I was like see you like that I don't know there's a show I'm I want you to watch because it's in Max uh Spanish it's all in Spanish and it's called it's on Netflix and it's a Mexican cooking show and it is so [ __ ] funny but it's funny because the translations aren't great that's the best yeah it's like uh says something about the guys he's like hey brings out a big burrito is that is that it it's I don't know probably it's on my Netflix um and it's but it's like the guy brings a burrito to the guy and it's like us Mexicans love to eat and you're like oh no no that's not us Mexicans it's just saying it's a white guy doing the voiceover so he's like Mexicans love to eat Mexicans love their food they love alcohol sometimes they won't do anything all day long but eat and you're like it sounds so racist because the white guy doing a thing and then he and then they do the that he does the guy's voices one guy is like hey he's like you'll like this you big fat [ __ ] and the guy's like screw your mother it's it makes me laugh well I've been watching it but the food's good the food looks [ __ ] awesome want to go to Mexico yeah don't do like a guy's trip to Mexico when next week next week I got time off what would you want where do you want to go in Mexico I only want to go to Mexico City man Mexico City is pretty [ __ ] awesome you've been there yeah I've been there with Rachel Ray I think yeah let's go with guys though man no no we're not inviting Rachel Ray we stayed in a great great [ __ ] uh dude we'll go down there we'll get some great food some drinks we'll smoke you know I love it try to get involved with some action La Machina yeah well that's another one of my nicknames La makina yeah um soda boy Spanish the uh what what what things to do in Mexico City why don't we do why don't we do a big you wouldn't like that what I was gonna say why don't we rent out like a [ __ ] a whole Villa in like a whole [ __ ] we do that what you would call it no no I was uh I think it's better for you not to know oh by the way um Christina told me that she thinks she heard our two bears where you said you're gonna get a compound in Austin yeah she thinks it's a great idea yeah she wants you to do it okay I just got shot down last night by my business manager what because uh I think I'm just gonna put money down on my house to try to pay off my houses okay um day trips hot air ballooning no offense one of the dumbest things you could ever [ __ ] do have you ever been in a hot air balloon no do you know how they do you know how you get out of a hot air balloon how uh jump now now jump jump that's how you get out of a [ __ ] hot air balloon really you're Landing in a bank parking lot they're like okay all right all right when I say JUMP everyone jump and you're hanging on the outside of the balloon and then you jump off and then the balloon sometimes just drags drags drags and gets caught up in power lines or it just takes off again that's how we did it on Trip Flip and uh it's the experience because hot air balloons have to get away sometimes right like oh yeah like with somebody being like I don't wanna ride this anymore and they're just [ __ ] 8 000 feet in the air and it just keeps going it just keeps going type in hot air yeah iron hot air balloon accident this is gonna probably be bad this day when we did the hot air balloon first of all you have a you have a gas grill above your head right like a [ __ ] a [ __ ] torch so it's like New Mexico is where we did it oh that's not what you want to do what you gotta do is jump at the last minute like you're on an elevator hot air balloons no that's too many people oh there were no survivors oh this is not as funny as I thought it would be huh after that 21 people have been killed in hot air balloon accidents in the U.S between 2000 and 2016. look at the amount of flame you have above you you're just at the mercy of the wind right you hit a power line and that that's a number one that's that one's depressing what about what about sorry what about um just a hot air balloon lost you know like takes off that's what I'm saying like not so much Crash and Burn and die but isn't there there's got to be one that like all right there's a lot of these actually any of these wind activities are horrific like paragliding parasailing yeah do I ever tell you this about the parasailing thing we did in on Trip Flip so which one's the one where it's the it's the kite paragliding yeah so we go paragliding in in uh San Francisco for Trip Flip it's a guy and a girl and uh and as we pull up uh my cameraman my sound guy another cameraman they all pull me aside and they're like do not do this and I said one they go this is the most dangerous paragliding is the most dangerous thing you can do we've been on on shows where there's been accidents whatever you do do not get out of doing this and I went well what are we doing our our Travelers and like they want to go paragliding and they're like but you need to get out of it so I go over the producer I go hey what's the deal are we all going up she's like actually the wind is getting away from us so we're just gonna have them go are you cool with not going I go yeah yeah fine I'm fine we're on a cliff in San Francisco so they they put the guy on they're doing two tandem so it's a guy on top of of my travel The Travelers in like a sock underneath and the guy's on top of him he's like all right here we go so he kind of leaps up and they get up and they get up and all our cars are right here and they get up to like 40 feet now they're both miked and my sound guy John sales goes not good I said what he gives me a headset he flips it around and you hear the guy going [ __ ] why can't son of a [ __ ] now imagine being a traveler under this phone like is everything okay and and but our traveler knows he's Mike so he's like so beautiful such a great View and but the guy's like God damn it why won't it just and from 40 feet he [ __ ] slams this is not the footage oh that sucked all right that would suck this is para sailing parasailing is [ __ ] just as dangerous now look he's getting dragged off the [ __ ] Mountain oh that's just gonna pull him right off huh yeah you can't fight that oh [ __ ] the sound is pretty good hold on this [ __ ] poor guy he just came out of a tree yeah and then got dragged across the top of a mountain because that wind just picks it up man with that do you think he's enjoying this ride right now I think he's all right are you done oh man don't tell me he's all right right no this isn't gonna end good really this isn't gonna end good oh he's not good he's got no control of it oh yeah into more trees oh [ __ ] foreign Landing like that at all I might take a nap like that there's one on like the so this so this is paragliding so the the oh the other thing that they told us on triplet because they do this in gold in gold in Colorado they do this up this mountain and this the wait was that couple okay everything was okay hold on so anyway the guy gets up to 40 feet and you hear the guy going [ __ ] just won't son of a [ __ ] you [ __ ] God damn it and all of a sudden he gets to like 20 feet and from 20 feet they go they lose all wind and they go straight down and hit the ground destroys the paraglider destroys the paraglider paraglider is broken uh knocks the wind out of our traveler but our traveler was in great [ __ ] shape knocks the wind out of him the other guys fine they're totally fine stop playing things while I'm talking it's not about getting distracted so the guy comes over and he goes uh he goes yeah my traveler he's like I'm fine he's like it it was 20 feet it was a knock the wind out of me but I'm fine I'm not hurt at all we're like okay and he was like yeah the guy a guy said the wind's just unruly he can't figure it out so like uh he was having a hard time up there and so then my producer comes over and he goes all right it's her turn and I go what she's like oh he's got another paraglider that he's gonna that he put together for her so he's gonna take her now and I go okay I go we just watched an accident on a paraglider you sure she's gonna want to go and they're like well you need to convince her to go and I was like I'm not sure that's my job and they're like we need to get the shot so we go okay so I go over the ground I said on camera I'm like all right all right you're next well I just witnessed my my boyfriend getting an accident paraglider I don't know if I want to go and I said no but it's totally fine he's got another paraglider and he's ready to take you she was like yeah but he just got an accident what are the odds he's gonna get into paralyzing accidents on the same day the odds are he's pretty loud he goes I'm not sure I wanted to do this I go you wanted to do this at the beginning and I said I started listen to her if you want to pull out you totally pull out the producer's like no she can't pull out we [ __ ] paid for the paraglider and I go if you want to pull out and then her boyfriend comes over and he goes hey it's pretty fun look at the wind knocked out of him he's pretty fun and and and and he says the wind's different and she goes yeah and the guy's like yeah the win's totally different it should be good so she gets on the paraglider with the guy we're all sitting no everyone's my sound guy has his earphones out facing out so we can listen because that's how we listen everything so the guy goes all right here we go three two one and we're up all right mother [ __ ] it's doing it again girls like are we gonna be okay and he's like [ __ ] [ __ ] son of a oh heavy off the cliff he takes off to the other s going to the ocean and he's like we're going to the ocean we're going to the ocean we're gonna okay okay all right we'll catch up with you guys later [Music] off the cliff and they landed down a mile away from us and had to walk a mile dude so we were like she was we came back she was like it was great because apparently once he got off the cliff he could he could fly it yeah but when he's like okay we're going he just took off a lot of people didn't even make resolutions this year and you know what I get it but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still find a way to shake things up whether it's by switching up your workout routine or going someplace new whatever way you challenge yourself this new year there's no better way to do it than with a pair of raycon wireless earbuds in your ears they come in so many different colors uh different styles and look they are easy to use they immediately they're the only ones that I've ever had that immediately uh sync up with my phone without even trying it's like I don't know why these other companies I feel like there's like some back end deal being made that make us struggle to connect our wireless earbuds raycons are immediate the sound is great raycon wireless earbuds are the best way to bring audio with you because no matter how much you shake things up literally no matter how much you shake you know they won't fall out of your ears they're everyday earbuds look feel and sound better than ever and they're priced just right you get quality audio at half the price of other premium audio Brands right now two bears one cave listeners can get 15 off their raycon order at byraycon.com Bears that's by raycon.com bears to save 15 on raycons buy raycon.com Bears so um yeah this they when we did when we did this for Trip Flip they were like they were like just getting letting you know oh that's the bachelor this is on the bad dude that's dude she hits so hard that is a broken best Broken Bow it is just fine they're doing tandem The Bachelor lands just fine and then this girl who he's on a date with gets slammed no way she's okay right here boom that [ __ ] up yeah she was yeah wait let me see that they don't play the afterward of her going like I'm okay I'm okay she played it really cool really oh face first yeah paragliding we did that how funny was that guy groaning when he fell in the tree though why is that funny though I don't know you know he's gonna see this go [Music] you know what [ __ ] freaks me out but have you ever seen zip lines gone wrong uh I don't think so there's the one where the guy starts going and it's smoking and it's going and it's just getting hotter and hot oh [ __ ] no no I'm done I'm done episode's over don't even pull anything up I don't even want to see any of this what I don't understand this I don't understand stopping zip line come on man I can't watch this how come I can't watch this because one of them one of you what one of the I can't watch this I can't watch this I can't watch this I can't even hear it oh Bert's already seen this I know for sure I've seen it I've seen it I remember now I've seen it look get it off the [ __ ] tree Halston it's gone let's go I didn't like that one of your most Natural Instincts oh Instagram right yeah because this like harness thing was like it was gonna like melt off like it was gonna break because he was going did you see that guy put the scalpel through the head of his penis is that your thing I can't do that I don't know what's I don't understand is that your thing but the thing that you showed Joe uh dude that live what I like it took me two days to watch it and it kind of disturbed me a little bit Yeah your live show yeah it was upsetting is that how you Bond fans with you guys you're like oh now you have to come back to us it was that one's right play that guy falling again uh falling the girl no no no no no the the the the parachute the parachute again I kind of I don't know why I laughed I never laughed oh God yeah that was pretty great is that it yeah so wait let's in this compilation so hang on go back go back so wait hold on go back to the beginning go back to the beginning starts there so he lands in the trees right or no is this a different one I think that's a different one okay yeah yeah this just happened to Travis Pastrana Charles Pastrana's in the hospital with a broken back who's that what okay this is another one yeah so here this thing is dragging them why not just cut it I'd cut my I'd cut it and go I'm out maybe he's trying to can't really see what he's trying but that thing is pulling him so hard he's like God damn it that struggle yeah it's funny I don't know why I don't know why it's funny the noises are just a real fun you never hear someone make that noise All Things Considered though he made it out pretty good he did but then I know he made it off right now he's like he's got no control of it I think he's right angled he he's probably aware that this is too fast you know yeah oh yeah and he's just rocking but why is this sound so funny that's coming here oh foreign have you ever seen the video of me falling off the waterfall I don't think so I don't know if I have it you have it I'm I don't know I don't know I I'm see if I can I bet I can [ __ ] Google it in my phone and get it do you think man's has it no man it's not gonna have it um when I fell off the waterfall I made a sound very similar to that it was crazy what's crazy is like the instant you get hurt yeah you know it like you know I knew it when my knee blew out and the first thing you said was call 9-1-1 yeah it was you said call Christina call 9-1-1 because I could tell somebody was a couple people they were just like looking they were like hey hey are you okay I was like called 9-1-1 call 9-1-1 I'm thinking of the doing the guy who's doing the leg press and then his both his knees go back that shit's awesome I don't enjoy that [ __ ] Paul Baldwin hang on Paul I have someone to talk about it now too yeah that is wild to see most of those two like those leg press injuries are all basically ego you know like oh yeah like what are you doing I can lock this down yeah um wait you can manage it's like no not really I I I we did I did way more weight than I should have done on legs one time with uh with a guy and uh and was worried something like that was gonna happen but you're like it's fine it's fine it's fine until all of a sudden it doesn't we would load load the leg press machine with all the weights but you're too dumb and too young to know how poorly it can go yeah we're lucky we didn't get hurt but yeah it was stupid um I don't think I have it I'll find it for you but it's funny the second I fell off the waterfall um see if I go wait do you need to go to the airport right now no oh my flights got canceled didn't you change flights and you get another flight uh no we're gonna literally call it until tomorrow Oh I thought you said you had to leave at noon no no we we don't we pushed it we they they called last night and they canceled the flight and then we're like okay great what do we do and they're like I don't know it's a state emergency in Oklahoma City all all those counties were a state of emergency no idea and they're like so go you can like see if you can fly out later Thursday and then even still the bus can't make it in the but we can't we don't know how we're gonna get to Wichita we don't know if Wichita is going to be closed it's a state they're going to close the streets in Austin tomorrow for like a couple days really yeah they're closing the streets everywhere because of freezing rain yeah yeah and it's beautiful here and it's beautiful here and you wonder why why do people leave here and move there I'll tell you why man they kept integrating the schools oh I thought I was thinking about uh I was thinking about um LS he would have been such a great ballet kid yeah you really would have been a great La kid yeah but he'll be uh he'll be he's gonna be I think I think it's healthier for him to be have you taken them water skiing yet not yet no so how are we gonna do that because I want to be a part of that and I want to what I want to do is I want to I want to get I want to reach out and get a professional like a fan a fan of ours the professional wakeboarder professional water skier someone from Weeki Wachee someone from [ __ ] Sea World someone who really knows what they're doing yeah I want to have them come out and I want I want them to teach you how to drive the boat yeah how to pull them behind the boat uh set up the boys like do like a weekend where they work with the boys you cannot work with your boys to teach them how to do that it's better to have someone come in and do it yeah it's like teaching Georgia how to swim oddly enough I taught George how to swim your boys know how to swim yet yeah okay but um but I was thinking about that because I was like I was like that's gonna be the coolest thing in their lives yeah because that they get to do that yeah so I have that boat and then uh it was we just got it too late so now it's cold yeah but as soon as it warms up we'll go back out get a wakeboard I want to do one of those like banana you know those little like yeah yeah it's like a little raft on the back they'll love that Leanne taught the girl they misbehaved [ __ ] just gun it up Leanne taught the girls how to ski Isla is just someone who just takes to skiing surfing wakeboarding I mean Isla just figured out wakeboarding within a matter of [ __ ] seconds um Georgia has a little more of a learning curve George is more like me where it takes a few times um Leanne just [ __ ] popped up but that's gonna be the funnest but you should have someone come out yeah and I met a kid who you did who teaches yeah okay good so and he's young so the kids it's crazy that I think about your family and how I will be a part of it to make sure that it happens the way I want it to happen I like it they keep asking about fat sticks hey what Hey fat sticks can ski yeah yeah all right how long are we done that's a show that's a show um I'm gonna take off these clothes and put on regular clothes okay what are you doing now um I want to run a couple errands yeah and then and then I'm gonna take a nap honestly where's your how far is your hotel from here um 20 minutes it's not far okay and then you leave tonight the bus isn't out here right the bus is here but it's in the valley uh-huh I'm over the hill so I'll get a ride over the hill get on and then we go to Oxnard if all my shows get canceled can I open for you this weekend sure is there room on the helicopter for me that I don't know if the ass there is a weight limit though oh for real yeah so we have to be like hey we have a friend named fat sticks can he come on are you gonna videotape yourself and you have to be honest about your weight when they ask they put you on a scale they put you on a scale you know what you weigh now uh no you cannot let nadav beat you I know I got by the way I've gotten some secret help some people have reached out to secret help me secret help and I was like I was like I want to give the secret help to nadab too because I want him to lose the weight yeah because we are accountability buddies is it like uh a cheat or just like no no no just some pros have reached out and said hey man you want to help you do this yeah and so uh what what are these giving you diet Insight uh everything uh like everything including meals including uh coaches and like everything so you're doing it yep yeah I I just got the email yesterday from two different people and then I got another email from another person a lot of them are people that uh friends with Rogan that know Rogan and they're just hit me up and they're like but um if I wanted to I was and they brought up and adopt to and so I was like well I want to make sure nadav gets the help because I want the dog to lose weight yeah and I want to lose weight I feel I did uh good yesterday working out I had a great workout uh I wonder if I'm not allowing myself recovery days and if that's hindering my my progress you going all day with Goggins on us I'm pretty David Gaga I carry the boats yeah I carry the boats yeah what was I thinking about David Goggins yesterday and I was like God damn it I'm just like David Goggins yeah that's what I was thinking today when I woke up I was like Bert's just like David Goggins you both should get into smoking what if I moved in with a tech nerd right like he moved in with a tech nerd yeah like a Jesse Jesse schlitzer okay he moved in with him because he was like uh like he was like too much too much about business and he wanted to get his life in order with like getting in shape and stuff what if I moved in with a tech nerd who was like one of those guys that wore like brown turtlenecks in this and it would ride up on his belly and he's like you probably changed his life and I but I taught him how to loosen up I did the opposite of David Goggins like oh you can't say [ __ ] no you can't say no that's the one rule and I go embrace the pleasure that person would be so sick so quickly it would be sick they'd be like I'm throwing up I don't like this yeah if this hurts I have a fever they would hate it so much they wouldn't [ __ ] what if I what if I got David Goggins to live with me what's the price point on that it's probably expensive he does really well I bet it would I bet it would be worth it it'll be worth it oh wait no it wouldn't oh my God I just realized I was like I'd lose weight but I get like he travels with us and then he's on the bus he's like get up [ __ ] we're doing squats the like the the like the cool factor of it would be gone so quickly and you'd be like this sucks so quickly so you'll be like oh David goggles here he'd be like that's right bro you [ __ ] quitter you piece of [ __ ] let's get outside what time did you wake up today six all right two hours too late he gets it before yeah you get those four doesn't get it before I don't know like goes running right away uh no he doesn't yeah I actually watched him say in an interview I'm just like everyone else I wake up and it takes me a minute to get going and I look at my shoes and I'm like [ __ ] he's like I see my running shoes and I'm like [ __ ] I don't want to [ __ ] do this I want to [ __ ] get back in bed like he's he's pretty honest about but then he just does it he does it yeah a man do it too it just takes a while yeah I gotta time out my coffee right I gotta take a [ __ ] I need some water don't [ __ ] make sure that I can find some on Netflix like I wonder if I wonder if I I would I have a week how about a week with David Goggins I mean I would love to see it I'd love to see it what if me and you live with David Goggins for a week let's do the David Goggins Tap Out Challenge see who can last see who see who gives up first okay it would be you because there's a part of you that doesn't put up with [ __ ] you're just like yeah man I don't need this like there's a part of you that goes there's a part of me that's broken then I was like I need this I need this I've got nowhere else to go and there's a part of you that's like I'm I'm out I have a car surface waiting outside I'm going home we'll see well let's reach out to him hey shout out David Goggins two Bears won Goggins and we do the two bears one Goggins challenge the one week challenge how about it's just a weekend weekend challenge two Bears won Goggins weekend challenge in Mexico would love to do it and so so here's the here's the pitch okay two Bears won Goggins in Mexico it starts we'll do it in like a in a Beachside Villa like this with bare bones it Bare Bones it okay and then from Monday to Friday we go to a [ __ ] nice place and we party our dicks off and David can come I'm sure he'll come for like Monday and then have a lot of stuff to do yeah two Bears won Goggins we'll film it let's do it see who Taps out first leave land Friday morning all day Friday all day Saturday all day Sunday Monday if no one's Tapped Out David Goggins declares a winner okay I'm in you win 100 100 percent 100 God who is this one at the end of the show people we could have talked about this the whole show all right David Goggins hit us up we carry the boats uh two Bears won Goggins Challenge and we'll pay for everything we'll get you there and everything yeah obviously obviously yeah yeah all right you got to pay for your own meals thanks for watching and listening bye guys [Music] while the other wears the shirt Tom tells Stories inverts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears [Music] dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears foreign

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 786,931

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: hjcamV1NCI0

Length: 87min 18sec (5238 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 07 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/mysideyard]

That joe rogan Neil young joke was one of the most hack jokes I’ve ever heard

[u/NOT000]

When they were mentioning all of BRITs nicknames they forgot to say fat sticks

[u/TheBeginningAndEnd]

Of course Brent is a Limp Bizkit and Creed fan.

[u/Taymerica]

Bert is basically a caveman.

"Ugh ug Tim.. what is joke?"

"It's when you make people laugh-laugh"

"Oooooooouu.. I like laugh-laugh out face hole"

[u/Book_it_again]

Why is tim dressed like bezos lmao also no booth boys is lame. Pete sucks

[u/MrDeuterostome]

Bert is the main character at Margaritaville

[u/ProtectorIQ]

Joe: Hey mon, can I buy you a drink mon?
Neil: What would you recommend?
Joe: Well, I wouldn't take the shots.

[u/endgame217]

Limp Bizkit and Creed were the bands that spoke to Barf…nuff said…

[u/[deleted]]

This was brutal to watch. The naked story in the garden was just weird