Enneagram Type 2 -- 5 Ways to Grow to the Healthy Levels of Development (from the Average Levels)

hey everybody welcome back uh today's video is for type twos i'm gonna go over five growth tips for type twos on going from the average levels to the healthy levels i will uh pre-note footnote that um you know growing is kind of about catching yourself in the act of using your uh personalities traits uh rather than being there and being present and uh with the full embodiment of yourself and reacting naturally so the goal of the enneagram and growing with the enneagram is to get to that place of kind of letting your ego get out of the way and reacting more naturally with essence with your essential nature so with that footnote in mind here are five tips that you can kind of use in your own self-reflection and your your attempts to grow so point number one is that you do not have to be perfect for others to love you and uh a lot of people you know the the main the main way that the word perfection is used in the enneagram is about type ones um but type twos tend to think in those terms too um they have uh can have their uh wing type of type one so you can be a two wing one or a two wing three um but there's some one ishness present in uh all twos anyway they're just related emotionally and you need to um kind of observe that in yourself because you're ultimately your core fear is that you are not lovable and so you want to be loved unconditionally um but then you begin to hold yourself to high standards believing that no one's going to love you unless you act a certain way and for twos you know whereas a one can kind of develop their own views on what that perfection looks like uh type 2s tend to have the common threads of i have to be kind and good and go out of my way for other people and take their pain away and make them happy and make them like me so they have a kind of common thread of what they think perfection looks like and they try to be perfect in that way so observe that in yourself um try to let go of that because uh you'll find that you know a lot of people actually don't have strong expectations of you some people will um some people will be right there taking everything that you're willing to give and um you know that's that's their own problem in a lot of ways um and and your your kind of piece in that is that you're willing to go along with it so um work on that in yourself uh so that you don't get into those situations and that you can so that you can find the people that do not have high expectations of you who uh have strong requirements of you who just let you be yourself and then point number two is that you don't need to be needed to be loved um the a second huge trap of the average levels of type two is that you aren't comfortable with someone just caring for you because you don't feel like that is stable and predictable you feel like they could withdraw that in any moment so you feel the need to create dependencies you feel the need to give and give and give and give and give until that person can't provide what you're giving for themself so you're much more comfortable when you're needed but being needed is not the same thing as being loved and it actually gives rise to bitterness both in you and the other person uh when you're when a person becomes dependent on you and you become dependent on another person um equal and open and honest and true love cannot be exchanged so observe that in yourself and you know start to separate the uh feeling of of attaining love and giving love from your behaviors and what you're doing because it really is an emotion it is not um hinged on on doing certain things point number three any act of kindness is enough uh and and the same vein twos worry that what they're doing is not enough to earn the love that they're looking for and so you know not only do you need to let go of the uh the desire to be needed rather than loved but you need to understand that if you're doing something kind for someone else something giving for someone else that is a gift and there's no such thing as a gift that isn't enough everyone is on their own journey everyone to a large extent has to you know carry their own weight and take responsibility for um for their own state and their own well-being and so when you help someone else do that that is the greatest thing that you can do for another person however because of your insecurities you can kind of tend to over give because you think the first thing you gave wasn't enough you think oh i've shown that i'm willing to give uh and now they're gonna you know the the person i'm giving to you is gonna want more and more and more and more and more otherwise the love will go away the appreciation will go away and you're actually kind of trying to control them by doing that and so not only are you not getting what you want but you're kind of forcing people to play a game that doesn't get you what you want either point number four others are not responsible for you so along with the giving along with the giving to control is the idea that you're giving in exchange for getting your own needs met it's not just love that you're after but you kind of enmesh that with uh with the concept of being taken care of so you say i'm gonna give whatever i want to give you and in exchange you have to give me exactly what i need rather than looking inside yourself and figuring out what do i need so again it gives rise to bitterness you put yourself in a situation that is where it's impossible for other people to fill the role that you are wanting them to fill and expecting them to fill and in fact trying to force them to fill so you know understand that you um you are on this journey with other people you are connected to other people very strongly you know we're human beings and we are on a shared journey with each other however the nature of that journey is that we are ultimately responsible for ourselves others are ultimately responsible for themselves and when we share the load that's a beautiful thing but if you don't carry your own weight and they don't carry their own weight too um then then it's not gonna it's not gonna go well you know the that just is against the nature of how how the universe works alright and last but not least is the idea that you have to accept that you may have caused some harm to others in these pursuits in different ways at some point you you probably have because everyone does um not necessarily deliberately um but you know there there are um possibly mistakes that you have to own up to and understand that that's okay um it's not you know in a in a big way all people hurting other people comes from a place of pain and we all have the same pain um and so you know being forgiving with yourself is a very important part of your growing journey you need to know that you're allowed to make mistakes and what matters is the present and how you react to that rather than defending and rejecting the idea um that hey maybe i did something wrong and just saying no that's impossible i'm good you know i'm perfect or i'm good and i'm not the kind of person who would do a bad thing therefore what i did couldn't have been bad you know rather than holding that structure and um and rejecting the notion of you know your own your your own uh dark side a wise man once said that the truth will set you free um so you know you need to look at yourself truthfully you need to look at yourself honestly and you need to look at the um results of your actions just because you weren't trying to harm someone doesn't mean that you haven't and just because that you have doesn't mean that you are unlovable or beyond redemption or any of that you are you and you have you are able to take steps forward and change and make meaningful relationships and have a meaningful life um but you need to accept that potentiality in yourself otherwise you cannot be whole all right that's it for today's video thanks so much for watching hit the like button if you got something out of it subscribe to my channel for more enneagram growth related content i'll see you in the next one

Channel: Alex Yoel Enneagram

Views: 68

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, enneagram type 2, enneagram 2

Id: Z2oZSPLoo0c

Length: 8min 58sec (538 seconds)

Published: Thu May 06 2021