♪♪ >>OKAY, HE ROLLED A SEVEN SO THAT MEANS THAT IF BERNARD ROLLS A FIVE OR HIGHER, YOU KILL THE TROLL KING. AND IF NOT, YOU ALL DIE. >>ALL RIGHT, DON'T LET US DOWN BERNARD! >>BERNARD! FOCUS! OUR PRETEND LIVES ARE IN YOUR HANDS. >>OH, I'M SORRY GUYS. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT. >>GASP! >>THAT'S WHY YOU'RE DRESSED SO NICE! >>YEAH. GUYS, I- I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M ULTIMATELY EXCITED AND TERRIFIED. THE LAST TIME I WAS THIS NERVOUS I WAS OPENING THE LATEST POKÉMON CARD PACK. >>OH, I REMEMBER THAT! YOU THREW UP A LOT. >>YEAH I KNOW. GUYS, I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE BEFORE. YOU GUYS ARE THE COOLEST FRIENDS I HAVE. >>THANK YOU! >>SORRY. >>DO YOU GUYS THINK YOU CAN HELP ME? >>WELL, I SUPPOSE WE ARE EXPERTS ON WOMEN. >>A.K.A. THE FEARED ONES. >>YOU ARE WISE TO ASK US. >>ALL RIGHT, SO YOU'VE BEEN ON A DATE BEFORE. >>[LAUGHTER] >>NO, NO. BUT WE HAVE WATCHED A LOT OF T-SWIFT VIDEOS. >>OH. OH, OKAY. >>AND WHAT ARE DUNGEON-BUDDIES FOR IF NOT TO PROTECT EACH OTHER DURING BATTLE. >>NO, NO, NO. THIS ISN'T A BATTLE, IT'S A DATE. >>YOU WILL SOON DISCOVER THAT A DATE IS A BATTLE. >>OF THE HEART. >>AND THE WALLET. >>WHAT? OH. >>I HAVE AN IDEA. WE'LL USE OUR LIVE ACTION ROLE-PLAY SKILLS TO HELP PREP BERNARD FOR THE DATE. >>YES! >>OKAY. BERNARD, YOU BE YOU. NOW WHICH ONE OF US RESEMBLES YOUR DATE'S HEIGHT AND BUILD? >>WELL SHE MUST BE A VERY MASCULINE WOMAN! >>MHM. >>STOP FOOLING AROUND AND GET INTO CHARACTER. >>YES! >>FINE! >>WAIT, YOU JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE A WIG LYING AROUND? >>I USE IT TO GET OUT OF SPEEDING TICKETS. >>OKAY. DOES IT WORK? >>NO. >>NO. NO. OKAY, IT'S FIVE MINUTES BEFORE 8:00 PM AND YOU'RE DATE WAITS EAGERLY BY THE DOOR IN A NEW OUTFIT PURCHASED FROM TARGET. >>AH, OKAY. WELL, I CONFIDENTLY KNOCK ON THE DOOR? >>OKAY. SHE OPENS THE DOOR. >>CHARMED. >>OKAY. I COMPARE HER BEAUTY TO THAT OF MY MOTHER. >>MM... >>MY SISTER? >>MM... I'D SHY AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY. >>AH! A UNICORN? >>YES! WOMEN LOVE TO BE COMPARED TO HORSES. >>OKAY. >>YEAH. >>AND THEN I WILL FIRMLY OFFER MY ARM. >>AH, YES SHE ACCEPTS GRACIOUSLY. [SCREAMS] >>STARTING AT THE FEEL OF YOUR TONED BICEP. >>OH! MAN FLESH. >>AH! >>YOU GOT THIS BERNARD. REMEMBER, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE OF US WHO CAN BENCH PRESS THE BAR. >>OH. I REMEMBER THAT. YOU THREW UP A LOT. >>WELL, I- I LEAD HER THROUGH A WOODED GLADE TO A PERFECT PICNIC OF ROASTED CHICKEN. >>AH. SHE TAKES A BITE OF THE CHICKEN AND SAYS- >>CHICKEN MAKES ME GASSY. >>ARE WE TALKING ABOUT YOU OR HER? >>YEAH. >>CHICKEN MAKES ME GASSY. I ASSUME. >>OH. WELL, WELL, I COUNTER WITH SOME GINGER ALE FOR THE STOMACH. >>OH. WELL SHE LAUGHS. >>[LAUGHS] >>BUT STOPS SUDDENLY AS HER FATHER APPEARS IN THE GLADE. >>[SPEWS] >>AND HE'S ANGRY WITH RAGE! >>I SEE YOU. >>OH, OKAY. WAIT. TIMEOUT! WHY IS HER FATHER THE EYE OF SAURON? >>ARE YOU SURE HE'S NOT? >>TOUCHÉ! OH, WELL I OBVIOUSLY FLEE IN TERROR LEAVING A TRAIL OF HALF EATEN CHICKEN ROASTED THIGH BEHIND! >>GROSS. >>UM, BERNARD, DO YOU LIKE THIS GIRL? >>MORE THAN COTTAGE CHEESE. >>HM, I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS THAT SERIOUS. >>WELL, IN THAT CASE YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM HER FATHER. >>OKAY, CORRECT. I- WELL THEN I COMPLIMENT HIM ON THE BEAUTY OF HIS DAUGHTER AS WELL AS THE BEAUTY OF HIS EYEBALL. >>I RESPECT YOU. >>THEN SHE, NOW IMPRESSED BY YOUR SOCIAL CHARM, STARES AT YOU WITH GOOGLY EYES. >>I AM CONFUSED. >>YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A STROKE. >>WELL, WHAT ARE GOOGLY EYES? >>JUST MIMIC THE WAY A GIRL LOOKS WHEN SHE'S ATTRACTED TO YOU. >>I HAVE NO CONTEXT FOR THAT. >>OH! GUYS, LISTEN. I APPRECIATE THIS, I DO, BUT LET'S FACE IT. I CANNOT DO THIS! I HAVE FLOWN INTO THE PROVERBIAL SUN. I'M CANCELLING THE DATE. >>NO BERNARD! >>NO BLAZE THIS TRAIL FOR US BERNARD, PLEASE! >>I CANNOT DO THIS! [FAINT SOUNDS] >>THE TARDIS? IS THIS FINALLY HAPPENING? >>UH, UM. NO. IT'S JUST MY RING TONE. >>DARN! >>SORRY. [GASPS] IT'S HER! >>ANSWER IT BERNARD! >>UH, HEY, ABOUT TONIGHT SUZE, LISTEN, I- WAIT- YOU'RE- YOU'RE EXCITED? ME TOO! YEAH. I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO- >>AH! [SCREAMS] >>OKAY, DO MIND THAT SUZE, IT'S JUST MY CAT AND A PERSON DYING AT THE SAME TIME. YEAH. OKAY. ALL RIGHT SEE YOU TONIGHT SUZE! >>[CHEERING] >>OKAY, GREAT! WELL, I GUESS I BETTER GO BUY SOME ROASTED CHICKEN. OKAY. >>AND SOME GINGER ALE! JUST IN CASE! >>YEAH. YEAH. >>UH, BERNARD? >>HUZZAH MAGIC POWERS! >>HE'S GOING TO DO GREAT. >>HE'S GOING TO THROW UP A LOT. >>WELL, BERNARD GONE, THE TROLL KING KILLS YOU BOTH. >>DANG IT! >>[SCREAMS] >>UH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING THIS EPISODE OF STUDIO C. AND WE HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH YOU GUYS AND WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU NEXT WEEK. >>YEAH! ♪♪ >>IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SAW, AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT OUR BODIES, THEN LIKE THIS VIDEO. >>YEAH, AND SUBSCRIBE IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE VIDEOS ABOUT EPIC DATING FAILS. >>YES, COMMENT BELOW WITH WHAT YOU USE TO PREPARE FOR A DATE BECAUSE WE COULD REALLY USE IT. >>AND THE TECHNIQUES YOU USED TO GET OUT OF SPEEDING TICKETS. >>NO! >>NO. >>STOP. >>I WANT TO KNOW! >>STOP! THAT'S NOT A THING. >>LIKE ME TOO!
