Hi guys, and welcome to our magical
Harry Potter compilation! [Italian accent]: A'Harry
Potter and the Goblet of Fiero! That is definitely more
Italian than British. A'Hogwarts! Still Italian. Would you like a cup of tea'a? I'm nailing it. Enjoy. I think you're being hard on me. I'm being accurate on you. A'Hermione! [laughing] ♪♪ [door creaks open] Are you sure
this will work? <i> Hermione: It has to.</i> The Mirror of Erised shows
you<i> your deepest desire.</i> <i> If we want to find
the horcruxes,</i> <i> it can show us where they are.</i> I don't know. Seems kind of mental. Worked for the Sorcerer's Stone. Remember, Harry, you want
to get the horcruxes. It has to be your
deepest desire. ♪♪ What did you see? Huh? Uh-- Nothing. <i> Just my family.</i> My dead family. Whoa, really? What are they like? Doesn't matter. No, come on. Describe them to us. Um-- <i> Well, my mom has
green eyes, like me.</i> Ooh. And my dad has dark
hair and all that. Well, no horcruxes here. Well, I better try. ♪♪ [gasps] ♪♪ What do you see? [gasps] Uh-- <i> I'm top of our class.</i> Isn't that already real? It sure felt real. I'll say. Okay. It's up to me. [inhales] [Irish dance music plays] I'm-- Quidditch captain. <i> Hermione: Well, we
shouldn't give up.</i> Yeah, worth another try. So we can find the horcruxes. Yes. Yeah. [pastor speaking indistinctly] [magical zap] [body thuds to the floor] ♪♪ Uh-- It's my grandparents. [romantic music plays] I-- Aced my exams. [giggles] [<i> Dance of the
Sugarplum Fairy</i> plays] Still quidditch. Manly quidditch. ♪♪ So sorry, but the
cancer's terminal. [magical zap] [upbeat music plays] [flames crackle] [muffled crying] [sad music playing] [upbeat music plays] ♪♪ [muffled sobbing] [magical zap] [bodies thud on the floor] [exhales] That was easy. A little too-- [gasps] ♪♪ ♪♪ Dad, what if I am
put in Slytherin? Albus Severus Potter, you were named after two
headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin, and he was the bravest
man I've ever known. But just say that I am. Then Slytherin house will have
gained a wonderful young wizard. ♪♪ Dad, what if I get
put into Slytherin? Lilly Luna Potter, you were
named after two heroes. My mother, and a really weird
girl I went to school with, and she got into Ravenclaw,
so anything's possible. Well, what if I get
put into Slytherin? Yeah, like I said,
it's possible. ♪♪ But Dad, what if I'm
put in Slytherin? Minerva Bellatrix Potter, you were named after
a caring professor and my godfather's murderer. What? I kind of resent
you because of that. Really? Dad, what if I'm
put in Slytherin? Vernon Dudley Potter, you were named after my
emotionally abusive uncle and his idiot son. They ruined my childhood. Why would you do that? Daddy has some issues. Dad, what if I'm
put into Slytherin? Tom Voldemort Potter,
have fun in Slytherin. Dad! What if I'm put in Slytherin? Filch Squib Potter,
for the last time, you were not accepted
to Hogwarts, we are just dropping off
your brothers and sisters. All right, Dad. Love you. Wingardium Leviosa Potter. Aragog Spiderman Potter. Nagini [parseltongue
noises] Potter. Adolf Stalin Mussolini Potter, you are definitely going
to be a Hufflepuff. Ooh! [German accent]: I just
want to hug everybody. Oh! Dad, what if I am
put in Slytherin? Harry Ron Riddle,
you better be. Bring it in. There it is. Crucio. Happy 11th birthday Harry dear. Now, finish your butterbeer. I'll go purchase the books
you need for first years. Thank you Mrs. Weasley. <i> Mhm.</i> Uh, quick question
before you go-- Yes Harry dear? Do you know when I'll get
to meet the headmaster? You know, Albus Dumbledore? Soon enough, Harry dear. Soon enough. I say, the Prancing Pony
has gone downhill. Can I help you sir? I doubt it. I'm looking for a very short
person who lives with his uncle and carries a great burden. Is this great burden the
result of a dark lord? A dark lord who once had
extreme power but lost it all? And currently resides
in spirit form until he can be brought back? [gasps] Both: It's you! It's an honor, sir. Wait! I have to be absolutely certain. Describe your best friend to me. Shaggy red hair,
lives in a burrow, and what he lacks intelligence
he makes up for in loyalty. That's the one! [laughs] Now, getting back to the
uh, you know what-- Oh yeah. Is it secret? Is it safe? Uh, not really. I'm pretty sure everyone
knows about it. Fool of a Took! You must destroy it! How? I've tried everything. Neutrogena, Proactiv,
Dove moisturizer. Might want to try
something a little stronger. Oh no, it's him. <i> Gandalf: Who?</i> That man with the
long blonde hair who thinks he's better
than everyone else. I think his name is Lucius. <i> Actually it's
pronounced</i> Legolas. But you're right, he's
very pretentious. Yes, and he's
obsessed with blood. I know! Yesterday he was like,
a red sun rises. Blood has been spilled. And I was like, cut the riddles man,
just say people died here. <i> Where are you sir?</i> <i> Dobby wants to give you
another glass of butterbeer.</i> Oh, I'm sorry sir. It's that tortured and
sympathetic bald creature who's both a help and
a hindrance to me. Does he speak entirely
in the third person? <i> Bad Dobby!</i> <i> Very bad Dobby!</i> <i> [glass breaks]</i> Exactly. He's a little bit
obsessed with me probably because I'm a
pretty well known wizard. [giggles] You're a what? Hey, look everyone,
it's Frodo the Grey! [laughs] Oh, that is hilarious. But an eight-foot tall giant
named Hagrid told me I was. Have you been eating Farmer
Brown's mushrooms again? No, sir. I-- I just-- Oh no sir,
it's one of them. Cast a patronus! Yes, one of the nine. They are drawn to it and
they will not rest until they-- Kiss me, yes, I know sir. They're obsessed with kissing. So you have been
eating those mushrooms. Oh! Good heavens they are
obsessed with kissing. Buy me dinner first you
dragon riding Nazgul freak! [yells] That was brilliant Dumbledore! Dumbledore? Peek-a-boo! [gasps] Why Gandalf! You look confused. Uh, no he's not. I'm fairly certain
we're on the same page. Allow me to demonstrate. I will describe someone and you
tell me who you think it is. All right. Okay. Skinny, longhaired, threatening
person who ends up being good. Aragorn. Snape. Mischievous comic relief duo
always playing with fireworks. Merry and Pippin. Fred and George. Giant spider. Shelob. Aragog. Crazy, short, brown-haired
person always trying to prove to everyone
how great they are. Gimli. Hermione. Evil, power hungry, assistant. Both: Worm-- Tongue. Tail. What? You seriously have a different
bad guy with worm in his name? [screams] [glass shatters] Whoa! Oy! You going to pay for that mate? [mumbling] <i> [eagle call]</i> That's my cue to leave. You can't get out of
everything that way, Gandalf! <i> This is the weirdest
looking eagle I've ever seen!</i> It's a hippogriff. <i> Dang it!</i> ♪♪ <i> Harry: Do you think
she'll notice?</i> <i> Ron: Yeah.</i> All right. When Cho comes
around the corner, send her this way and I'll
just be casually walking by. Got it? Got it. [footsteps] Well, you must not tell
lies Mr. Potter. Wha--? Oh. [kissing sound] Happy Christmas. [footsteps] Mr. Potter? Well okay. [little giggle] Ron! <i> It worked!</i> No it did not work! <i> It kind of worked!</i> Ron, when Cho comes
around the corner-- <i> Cho Chang?</i> Cho Chang-- <i> Okay.</i> Comes around the corner
send her this way. <i> Ah--</i> Nobody else. <i> Nobody else.</i> <i> Got it!</i> <i> Okay!</i> She tasted like cat. <i> Ron: That's not Mcgonagall.</i> <i> Straight up.</i> <i> I wouldn't even--</i> <i> I wouldn't even question it.</i> <i> I'd just go for it.</i> <i> That's kind of
the Weasley way.</i> <i> That's--</i> <i> I'd probably wait for them to
make the first move,</i> <i> but then after that--</i> Expecto-- Welcome to the
dueling club, everyone. Harry. [gasps] Speaking of magic. Yeah. In light of your inevitable
doom as Hogwarts students, we'll be using this
time to teach you all how to die gracefully. Who would like to go first? Ah, yes, Miss Weasley,
come on up, but try not to say
anything stupid. A Weasley's mouth is a chamber
of secrets best left closed. <i> Ron: Amen.</i> [chuckles] Who else? I'll go. And you are? I'm Moira Ratcarrow. I'm not a Hogwarts student. I'm just here visiting my aunt. Which wizardry
school did you attend? I'm homeschooled. [collective gasp] Oh. What does that even mean? Why would you choose
not to attend Hogwarts? Well, for one, homeschool has significantly
higher survival rates. [scoffs] Rubbish. [gasps] I've been cursed. It's okay. He's not a Gryffindor. All right, come on-- What do we do with him? Oh, just shove
him under the table. We'll solve that
mystery in June. See, this is exactly
what I'm talking about. Plus, my parents wanted
me to understand things like math and science. What's math? Now, now, let's get on
before we're all attacked by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Who? He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. My dad? No. My mum? He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Oh, right, right. Dumbledore. For goodness' sake. Voldemort. [collective gasp] Don't say his name, child. Why? As Shakespeare wrote,
"a rose by any other name--" What's a Shakespeare? What's a rose? Okay, okay. Wands at the ready. One, two, three. Expelliarmus! Fenite Flipendo! She's dead! Oh. Two deaths in one class. 10 more and I'll set a record. Let me have a look at her. No, no, I'll take
care of this. She just needs a little magic. Stupefy! No! What are you doing? Everyone, cast your
best spell on Ginny. One of them is bound to help. That's a terrible idea! <i> James: Expecto Patronum!</i> Eat slugs! Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo! That's not a spell. Oh, right, right, right. Avada Kedavra! [collectively]: No! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My dear boy. Crucio! No! Stop, stop! All of you! She's not dead. She just needs
medical attention. More like a cry for attention. Gingers. She needs CPR. No one knows
what you're saying. Swab the mouth,
tilt the head, hands over the sternum-- What sort of
dark magic is this? [coughs] She's alive! How? She's a witch! We're all witches. Yes, but not all
of us are competent. What are you even saying? Yeah. Well done, Miss Ratcarrow. Thank you. I hope all of you will see the
value in learning something other than magic. Nope. I don't feel well. She needs to rest
and elevate her legs. Allow me. Wingardium Crucio! Stop, stop-- I see that you're
halfway through! Please subscribe and
watch the other half! There's much more
magic in front of you. Ooh! [singing]: There's more magic in
front of you than behind you! ♪♪ Keep looking forward,
be your wand. ♪♪ [laughing] ♪♪ Well, Mallory, you have a difficult
decision to make today. You have to send two
guys home tonight. I know, Chris. It's just going
to be so hard. I just feel like I've made
a really deep connection with all of the guys. Well tell me about the guys. Um, well, you know,
there's<i> Jeremy and Adam.</i> <i> And they're both so funny
to me in different ways.</i> If Mallory doesn't pick me
I'm going to be crushed. Going into this rose ceremony
I'm all out of jokes. And I'm terrified. <i> Mallory: And then there's
Stephen and Stacey,</i> and they're both
really sensitive. I just don't want to walk
out of here tonight. I really don't. Mallory? She's the girl of my
dreams you know? And James, he's very
kind and intelligent. I didn't come here to get
my heart broken, but tonight I'm really
worried I might. And then there's Snape. <i> Snape yeah, he's</i>
something special. I came onto this show because I have been stuck on
one woman for a very long time. If Mallory sends
me home tonight I shall be severely
disappointed in her. Snape is by far the most
mysterious guy in the house. Snape? Hey Snape, Mal's coming up
with a date card so-- Get out! I think he makes
a lot of soup-- He's not like anyone
I've ever met. He's really passionate. What? You've never finished
the book before? No, Harry Potter was just
so annoying you know? Oh! Okay. <i> I could listen to
his voice</i> all day. So pretty. You are my chocolate frog. My Bertie's Bott. <i> That cloak he wears--</i> So hot you know? It just leaves everything
to the imagination. <i> I'm just like wow.</i> ♪♪ Hey Snape, put on
your suit and get in! [all urging Snape] ♪♪ Not cool. I don't know. Yeah. <i> That's just how I
feel about him.</i> <i> Chris: Gentlemen,</i> it's time
for the rose ceremony. ♪♪ I just want to say,
that from my heart, this is the hardest decision
that I have ever had to make. ♪♪ James. Avada Kedavra. Oh no! Stacey. Avada Kedavra. <i> Jeremy.</i> Adam. Avada Kedavra. This is the final rose. When you're ready. Snape. [exhale] Snape, will you
accept this rose? Fine, but wear this always. Okay, just like this? You like it? Yes. Let's go, Lily. It's Mallory. Shh. What? Cute. I can't believe I let you
guys talk me into this. I hate blind dates. Relax, Whit. Besides, what did you
do last Friday night? Stayed home and
watched Full House? Hey, cut it out! Yeah, when's the last time
you went out with a guy? Tuesday. <i> James: Who wasn't your cousin?</i> <i> Whitney: It's been</i> awhile. <i> James: Trust me</i> Whitney. Tom and I go way back. He's great. Yeah. I haven't seen him
since<i> his parents died.</i> Oh yeah. <i> But I really think you're
going to like him.</i> His parents died? They were murdered. [doorbell] [gasps] Whitney Call. Come<i> to die.</i> It's nice to meet you. I uh-- Oh. Oh, okay. I will have her home<i> by nine.</i> ♪♪ So Nellie's, huh? It's an old favorite. I'm glad I dressed up. Welcome to Nellie's Diner. My name's Jeremy. I'm going to be taking
care of you this evening. I love your haircut, sir. All right, can I get you started
with anything to drink? Just water for me, thank you. And I will have a
glass of snake milk. <i> Jeremy: We only have Pepsi
products.</i> [sighs] Root beer is fine. I'll be right back with those. So, um, where are
you from, Tom? Well, it depends. I've moved around
a lot, actually. I once lived on the
back of a man's head. Yeah, that housing market's
pretty brutal, huh? Indeed. James tells me
you're a Democrat. I've formed my own
little club, actually. Would you like to meet
some of the members? I can send for them. Ahh. Oh, that's the wrong arm. No, no no. That's really okay. Don't lick your arm. Very well. Are you carrying
a stick, Tom? Yes, I call it
my lucky stick. I also carry a wand. Are you a magician? I love magic tricks. Show me a magic trick. All right, root beer
for you, sir-- Avada Kedavra! Sorry, that's the only
one I really know. That was awesome! Do it again! Actually, I think we
better get going. I already have two
strikes against me for trying to kill a little boy. Oh, Tom, you're so bad! You don't know
the half of it. I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to bring him with. Well, Tom, I had a really
nice time tonight. You know, I did too. I really feel like I can
be myself around you, which is saying a lot. I feel like I have this
reputation I have to keep up, and it's really a
lot of pressure, but sometimes I
think, this isn't me. Just let it out, Tom. Just one day I'm
in law school, and the next, I'm out cursing
babies and eating unicorns. Shh. Let's finish this the
way we started, Tom. Together! Oh! Oh, uh, Whitney, I-- Oh, sorry. It's a little-- I was just really caught
up in the moment. It's a little bombarding. I just really see this
going somewhere. Okay, that's a little too
eager for the Dark Lord. Come on! I'm sorry Whitney. I just-- I can't. But Tom! Goodnight Whitney. Tommy! Oh, hey Sevy. How you been? I've moved on, Whitney. It's time you do the same. <i> Whitney: Padfoot?</i> When you are through here,
you'll be known as Jason Bourne. I'll be whoever you
need me to be, sir. That's what we like to hear. Take him out, and your
training will be complete. Who is he? We've been through
that, Jason. You came to us. You volunteered. What did he do? That doesn't matter. Are you willing to give
yourself to this program? Yes. Good. You have five minutes. Who are you? Dobby, sir. What? Ahh. Listen, Dobby, I don't want
to do this, but I have to. Can Dobby say something
before we begin? Yeah, sure, I guess. Dobby loves you. <i> Okay.</i> You don't even know me. Dobby just has
a feeling, sir. It's a bad feeling, Dobby. Nope. Dobby just feels safe
when he's with you. Like no matter what happens, you will always be
there to protect him. He can give you a big hug and you will make all the
bad things disappear. No. Here, Jason. No, what are you doing? Okay. You're just trying to
get in my head! You must be horrible for them
to have brought you here! It's true. Dobby is horrible. I knew it. What did you do? There was one time
that Dobby's masters beat him for ten straight
hours for breaking a dish. On the eleventh hour
of his beatings, Dobby asked them
to politely stop. It was an awful thing to do! [moaning] Yeah, you definitely
deserve to die for that. I know. But it gets worse. There was one time I took
a knife to my stomach for defending a
young man's life. Woah, how is that worse? Because I spilled my
blood on his robe! Dobby should have been more
careful with his blood! Okay. I don't want to,
Dobby, but I have to. Dobby understands. He must die so that you can join
a shady governmental program. I can't do this! I can't do it! [door opens] I warned you, Jason,
there's no going back! You shall not hurt
friends of Dobby! [snaps] Ah, yes! Did you just knock out
my boss, Dobby? I'm sure he's fine,
we just need to-- [snap] Ooh! Oh! More powerful than
I remembered. Better get going,
things are happening. What happened? What's going on? You came in here and totally
Avada Kedavra'd that guy. What? How did-- Who am I? <i> You're a</i> wizard, Jason. Wow. Yeah, here's your acceptance
letter to Hogwarts. Better get going, don't
want to miss the train. Wait, Jason. Before you go, there's a professor there
named Severus Snape. Yeah? Take him out. Matthew, I need to talk
to you for a moment! <i> Sure, boss.</i> <i> What is it?</i> You've been a great
store supervisor, but it's time to trim the fat. I need you to fire
our door greeter. Really, but he's the nicest
employee we have. I mean, hence the greeting. The man wears a
pillowcase to work. I mean, we have standards
here at Walmart. [laughing] Seriously, though, fire him. Otherwise you're back to
butchering meat with LaMilda. [speaking Russian] Just you, me, and dead cows. But how can I fire
someone so innocent. It's easy, I do it
all the time. Just give him this two weeks
notice, and avoid eye contact. Otherwise it will be like trying
to kill a freakishly cute kitten with adorably huge eyes. I'm keeping this. Oh, my daughter gave-- I know. Okay. Gloria, could you please send
in the door greeter to see me? <i> Oh, never mind.</i> Dobby's only desire is to but
make his supervisor happy. Thank you, Dobby. Please come in. Hug. Oh-- Can Dobby say something
before we begin? Sure, but make it brief. Dobby loves you. Please, don't make this any
harder than it has to be. Just take this. Oh, paper! The greatest of all gifts! <i> No, Dobby, it's not like that.</i> This is the happiest
day of my life. <i> Dobby, please.</i> Before you say another word,
just read what it says. Well, unfortunately,
Dobby cannot read. Will you read it for him? Oh. Dear Dobby. Be still my beating heart. We here at Walmart thank you for
your years of faithful service. Oh, say it again! But unfortunately, in this
economic climate, we have to roll
back our prices and sometimes our employees. That's insensitive. Dobby does not understand
your cruel euphemisms. You can pick up your final
paycheck in two weeks after your job
officially terminates. Oh, Dobby. Dobby. Your eyes. Dobby doesn't need
his eyes anymore. Wait, Dobby, there's more! This is so that we
can promote you to chief door greeter
of all Walmart! Ah! Put mine eyes back in! Yes. Both of them! Ah, yes. Oh, good. I warned you, Matt. You're back with LaMilda. You shall not hurt
friends of Dobby. [yells] Dobby! Did you just kill my boss? He had it coming. I mean, he may have
survived the wound. Nope, he is dead. What are we going to do? I take care of body. It's good. For Russia! [yelling] All right, you all
know the drill. Last night we got a tip
that a crazed madman has plans to destroy the world. We've rounded up
the only criminals who could be responsible. Darth Vader, Voldemort, Bane,
and of course Mahatma Gandhi. You are making a huge mistake. <i> Stephen: Save it Gandhi.</i> Now we're fitting you all with our most advanced
mind reading technology. Whenever I ask
you a question, these caps are going
to answer for you. But I am innocent. We'll see about that. All right, let's go over
our culprit's profile. The villain probably has
a band of loyal followers who obey his every word. [three dings] [ding] A match on all four, sir. Good. Yes, but my followers
are all pacifists. A likely story. The villain probably doesn't
go by his given name. [three dings] [ding] Another match. Well no one's going to be
afraid of the Dark Lord Tom. You got that right. You think that's
funny Antonio? [laughter] Oh, look who's talking Anakin,
or should I say, little Ani. [laughter] All right, the villain probably
has a dark catch phrase, such as, "I am
your father." [ding] "Come to die." [ding] "I was raised by darkness." [ding] Or "an eye for an eye
makes the world blind." [ding] What does that even mean? It is a proverb,
not an evil saying. Oh, but it gets better. The villain is probably bald. [four dings] What does that have to
do with anything? No, he's right. The insecurity
makes you evil. This mask does nothing. It merely draws the eye away
from my shiny dome of shame. The villain has probably
been to prison. [ding] I was protesting
unjust laws. And besides, what about Bane? I was born there, convict. The villain has probably
overthrown a government-- [four dings] And his new regime
may still be in power. [ding] What? How? Can your henchmen
actually fight? Because my clones
are total pansies. Vader, I told you a
thousand times, clone Darth Maul, but no. Really? Well didn't I say, watch out? Snape is in love with
your enemy's dead mom. Vader, you're in love with
your enemy's dead mom. Touché. Well played. All right, somebody talk! The guilt must
be killing you! Oh sure, we all cry
ourselves to sleep at night. [laughter] [ding] Still not over Padme. Look, we know
it's one of you. The villain has a super weapon
that can change the world. [ding] You think that I am the
one with the weapon? Look at what I am wearing. Where would I hide it? Well who else could it be? The Death Star blew up,
the Elder Wand broke, and that Al Ghul girl didn't
detonate the bomb in time. Well we can't have two of
Batman's girlfriends blow up. Am I right? Too soon? Vader and Bane: Too soon. I felt it as I was saying it. We know it's you Mahatma! We know that your weapon
is called non-violence. Nun-violence? Who attacks nuns, sicko? Non-violence, it
means not violent. Save it for the judge Gandhi. Save it for the judge. You're going away
for a long time. <i> [cell phone rings]</i> I told you turn that off-- Sorry. Hello? Oh yeah. The Indian Parliament is looking
for their spiritual leader. Small, skinny, incredibly wise. I'm really sorry about this. Oh, yes. Well, uh, you know, it
happens all the time. Don't even worry about it. Antonio, Ani. Thanks for watching, guys. Please subscribe. Yes, and also comment
on this video! And like our channel please. Thank you! Mischief managed. [magic sounds] Make a magic sound. Baa. Beh. Low. Baa. More in the nose. Aah. That's it.
