Doctors, What Are the Funniest Things Moms Screamed While Giving Birth? | Professionals' Stories #42

doctors nurses who deliver babies what are some strange funny things people have screamed while giving birth when my brother was born they had to use forceps to get him out my mom saw them and screamed those are salad tongs you are not putting any goddamn kitchenware in there when i gave birth and they pulled out the forceps i thought they looked like ice tongs not salad tongs much bigger the doctor who controlled the pain med saw my face and asked if i wanted to remember any of this i said nope last thing i remember my mother's labor was extremely short i was born within an hour so that means that she went from experiencing minimal pain to extreme pain with little time to adjust when my dad was driving her to the hospital he unfortunately had to stop for gas he went into pay and just then an elderly man in a wheelchair stopped him asking him to buy cigarettes for him as the store was not wheelchair accessible my mom then proceeded to lean out the window yelling don't help the [ __ ] we have never let her forget that one i'm sorry to laugh at your mom but dang that was funny i'm white irish and history so i had red hair when i was a child and my wife is black her sister was also in the delivery room when the baby crowned her sister told her she could see the baby's hair my wife who can barely breathe blurted out the hair isn't red is it apparently she was terrified the baby would be black with red hair my roommate and i just finished our labor and delivery rotation in july during one of the births she was helping out in the mom and the dad were separated but still good friends so while this woman is pushing out her baby she begins to half tell half scream that my roommate should date her ex the baby daddy the conversation went something like this mom you should really screams in pain go out with screams again him sometime he's really fun dad i wouldn't mind some drinks sometime what are you doing this evening no she did not go out with him that would make a heck of a love story paramedic here delivered a baby for a lady who did not realize she was pregnant and called us for abdominal pain patient you are an idiot i am not freaking pregnant me well i can see your head crowning patient that's must be a freaking tumor the tumor was a healthy baby girl mom was totally sweet afterwards btw that is so crazy how do people even do that when my sister was in labor she was screaming and our mom was trying to be comforting it'll be okay take some deep breaths it'll be over soon then my sister looks up at our mom and says you have no idea what this is like you just wouldn't understand mom patient fully dilated started pushing then changed her mind i don't wanna do this i'm going the frick home and then tried to get off the table this happens holy crap this happens fear 101 emt who did a birth on the side of the road woman shouted frick me during a contraction and the husband casually replied that's how we got into this mess damn it i had a very hard time containing myself pretty sure my husband said this exact thing to me while i was delivering our daughter i am not an objen but i was questioning a patient in the about some other health problem she wasn't carrying at the time when i got to the part about the gynecological history i asked how many kids did she have and how were they born she had two kids and were both born with c-section i should clarify that this was in spain and the patient was gypsy now gypsies are not usually educated and women often marry young and don't finish school they also talk weird now the lady told me she had two kids and two c-sections and i asked her why she had to deliver by c-section she said because the first kid was a [ __ ] cono well this can be translated as pieta this lady was convinced that her first child was going to eat her pee and had to be taken out before he did you can imagine my surprise at first i didn't understand and left the room after the questioning still puzzled i went and started digging in her file and found out that the c-section had to be done because after she broke water the doctors noticed the amniotic fluid was filled with baby crap usually when a baby shoots in utero it is a sign that the baby is suffering and has to come out quick that was why she had a c-section now here is why it is funny one in utero baby crap is called meconio two the doctors probably told this lady that she had to get a c-section because the baby comes with meconio three comes with meconio equals vien con meconio in spanish four vincon meconio sounds a lot like vinca mekono pieta 5 imagine being told your whole life that your mom had to get a c-section because you were going to eat her pee when you actually almost died at childbirth i know it must not be that funny in english but i did my best translating it and hope some of you see how funny it was for me this kind of translating to known terms seems to be common across languages my mother recounted patients who claimed they had sick as heck anemia sickle cell anemia and i most embarrassingly as a doctor's child confused herpes zoster the virus that causes chickenpox with herpes rooster when i was born my dad didn't know that babies are usually born face down and as i was coming out he screams oh my gosh he doesn't have a face this is my favorite i was high on meds at the time i was begging for barbecue ribs in between contractions come on honey the nurses will never know they were standing right there apparently when my aunt was giving birth she was all jokes very angry jokes but jokes nonetheless knock knock wh chose there the baby not yet this is my favorite lol not a doctor but a father when my first child was born his head was kind of misshapen and when the doctor lifted him up to show my wife she yelled why the frick does he look like a raptor i lost it my dad has told me they thought i was a girl all the way up to birth i came out as a c-section and the doctor goes huh this one's got extra equipment my wife told me in a satanic voice to get better ice chips these suck i am not sure what the quality issue was but i ran and got her a different cup full the nurses kept trying to give me ice chips and telling my boyfriend to give them to me between pushing and i one point i just got p and told them no i don't want i t i was too busy pushing a baby out of my vagina to eat any freaking ice chips i'm a nurse but i'm also a mom my husband told me when i was breathing the laughing gas i screamed i'm lady darth vader as i was pushing then i asked the doctor if he felt my tonsils when he had his arm up there these are my co-workers i hope they let you live it down i'm a nurse and one of the strangest things that i've seen happen while someone is giving birth is one patient decided to tell her boyfriend that it wasn't his baby that made the whole room silent and the boyfriend just left without saying a thing when my first was born a nurse told us about a black baby being born unexpectedly to a white mother in full view of her white husband this was in the 80s in my very conservative white town she said both sets of parents were there and you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife during labor about a half an hour before the god awful ripping and tearing i was losing my crap my older sister panicked and sort ran around the room my mom the birth coach said to my sister to give me a focal point something to concentrate on so i didn't jump out of the nearest window my sister lifted her shirt and shows us her boobs hilarity and awful pain ensued after a long contraction i said quietly i'm gonna set everyone in this room on fire everyone laughed including the nurse but i think my devoutly christian mother-in-law started to cry it's times like this that i wish i was a woman so that i can scream wildly inappropriate and zany things during my pregnancy then i say that again and realize i just wished i could give birth roughly aware of how painful it might be all better not exactly during labor but right after i had a very bad tear during natural childbirth which meant lots of stitches add to that it was training day for one of the med students and it was taking a long time a really long time finally i look down between my knees and ask what the heck are you guys weaving a friendship bracelet down there both doctors the intern and the med student burst out laughing so hard they had to stop working apparently there was some issue with how the intern was stitching me up and things had gotten tense this lightened the mood quite a bit i am crying after i had my son i was pretty wasted on all the pain meds they'd given me i looked at my husband and said honey condoleezza rice is out there waiting for me tell her i can't come out to play today i just had a baby my third i was delirious so i don't remember much hyperventilating because i thought something was wrong the pain was much more intense than my first two i get to the hospital at 11 15 have my son at 11 24 after everything is calmed down the nurses start giggling apparently i had yelled at them to take off my pants and look up my cu dickholes i had a c-section and was pretty out of it when they held up my daughter and said here's your baby i responded that's not mine i've never seen it before in my life take it to lost and found como i've never seen it before in my life well there's some accuracy in that statement as a nursing student i was watching a plan c section the procedure was being performed by the senior resident everything seemed to be going well when i heard the resident mutter whoops and i looked up and saw blood squirting out pulsing she fixed the artery very quickly but it obviously freaked out mom and dad everything turned out okay for mom and baby at one point when i was having contractions i said foo work really loud and long and my husband said there's a dollar for the swear jar which is our little inside joke but the nurse thought he was serious and tried to give him a condescending lecture about how painful childbirth is until i told them both to shut the freak up or get murdered because seriously shut the frick up a friend's mom is a nurse nurse have you seen the mucus plug woman in labor yeah that [ __ ] went out to have a cigarette i actually do deliver babies most women don't scream anything coherent it takes too much energy to form clear thoughts much less say them out loud if anything they say things they want like water but always very short sentences my back my [ __ ] it burns oh god i can't no more why isn't it coming what's wrong pull it out a young couple mom and dad were both around 18 if i recall correctly first baby for them both mom's pushing and dad is doing this awkward jig wanting to be helpful but not really knowing how to be helpful at one point i say okay we can see the head now still a while to go and dad jumps up runs to the counter puts on rubber gloves and gets into football receiving position like 10 feet away from mom's legs we all burst out laughing and he was very embarrassed to learn that babies do not shoot out across the room to be caught like a football when my mother was pregnant she and my dad decided to have an amnio a stand-in doctor was there the day she found out the results and despite mum's instructions that she did not want to be told the sex the doctor congratulated her on having a healthy little boy my mum freaked out and decided not to tell my dad so as not to ruin the surprise fast forward to the day of my birth i'm brought into this bright world without a penis the doctor congratulates my mother on her little girl my mum responds by yelling you've got to be freaking kidding me silence from everyone in the room the doctor then has a serious chat with my mum about loving me even though i am a girl etc etc turns out the mdo results were mixed up with another woman of the same name yeah quite the confuzzle she wanted a surprise sometimes you get what you wish for not a doctor but during the birth of my firstborn i kept screaming i got a poop i got a poop actually it was a head creating pressure as it was coming down the birth canal fell just like an eight pound poop not nurse doctor when my mom was delivering me she pulled my dad down to her level by his shirt and said get the frick out of my face my mom did this to my dad he had been working out of town and rushed to get there and she told him to get his nasty coffee breath out of her face no one was responding to the call button that my mom was giving birth so she yelled do something honey so my dad ran out into the hallway and screamed at the top of his lungs i tease showtime and i'm not a very good catcher clearly you have an exceptional memory fortunately when i gave birth to my nephew it was a quick labor apparently though i was stoic as heck my eyes would roll back in my head every time i had to push or had a really tough contraction but i didn't say anything i bit into my lip though until it was bleeding during the last couple of pushes apparently everyone looked up from the baby and i'm streaming blood from my mouth freaked my sister and the doctor out for a moment lol the delivery nurse for my son's birth was about 4 minutes and 11 seconds she kept talking to me and i couldn't see her over my belly and legs it was really frustrating she said do you want me to pull down the mirror so you can see i was like i don't need the goddang play-by-play let's just do this i apologize afterwards she laughed that was me the nurses kept trying to romanticize the moment and make it memorable and i just wanted it to be over so i could go home oh just thought of another one for one of my pregnancies i ended up having an emergency c-section i was drugged to the eyeballs and i remember really liking one of the nurses because she smiled a lot and quoted poetic lyrics from my favorite songs when the drugs wore off i remembered i was the one quoting the lyrics no wonder she was so smiley kind of irrelevant but i woke up in the middle of my wisdom tooth surgery hearing someone playing rhcp turns out i was trying to sing as the oral surgeon was trying to gauge bones out of my mouth my fiance is a doctor and my mother's a nurse so i'm claiming the titles by association for the purposes of this thread my mother was unexpectedly having her fourth child and chose not to find out the sex we like surprises everywhere apparently for some reason she became convinced it was a boy and would have bet the house on it in the delivery room they hand the baby to my dad and he joyfully tells my mom that they have a new baby girl mom what number check again dad i'm pretty sure it's a girl honey mom you're not looking hard enough my older sister cried when she found out i was a boy and both of my older brothers danced injubilation to this day she doesn't remember this my wife had her epidural for the c-section and at one point asked is it out yet i really should get home now so i answered no honey they still busy cutting her reply had the entire or in stitches okay tell them to neaten up while they're in there oops not a doctor i was standing in the corner under strict instructions not to faint or throw up right after my son was born via c-section i was still higher than a hippie at woodstock from the drugs they gave me they handed me my beautiful newborn son and the first words out of my mouth were oh my god his scrotum is huge then i'll laugh hysterically to be fair it really was baby scrotums are huge jesus when i was doing my rotations in the well baby unit i was weirdly disturbed by how massive they all were wondering how to bring this subject up until a very large intimidating polish nurse picked one up and exclaimed dang look at the balls on this one and i felt better during my birth aside from my husband my best friend was in the room she had recently been certified as a doula for those of you that don't know a doula's support for the mother they don't do anything medical but can help support the mom or her partner help with pain solutions etc i stubbornly wanted to deliver without drugs and during a particularly bad contraction she leaned in and told me to think of my wonder focus something you are looking forward to learning about your child when they are born like an incentive so hair color weight sex etc i looked her square in the face and told her to shut up with her hippie bulls i was in labor for 22 hours pushes for two and a half for those of you who don't know an average first time childbirth is around 12 hours with around 10 30 minutes of pushing needless to say i was freaking tired about two hours into pushing i couldn't push anymore i said i can't the doctor yelled at me and i lost it shut your w mouth it got me mad enough and around five pushes and three snips later i popped out a 10 pound baby we found out post delivery that i had literally ripped my uterus which is why it took so long and hurt so bad so much blood coma ripped uterus just tape it back together not a doctor but was present for my cousin's birth my 90 year old grandma was there sitting on the other side of the curtain she wanted to be present but didn't want to see anything she had never witnessed a birth before and doesn't remember anything about having her own four children as the baby came out everyone on the birthing side of the curtain was cheering and excited this caused my grandma to decide she needed to open the curtain to see what was going on she actually clutched her chest and fell back into her chair in horror nearly 12 hours of labor and to this day that's about the only thing i remember it's not really surprising that she doesn't remember her own labor they used to all but knock women unconscious while they were pushing probably happened that way during your grandmother's time out of the office goody i've been doing this for the past month on a rotation i think by far the one that made me and the nurses laugh the most was a woman with a thick jamaican accent that kept saying oh you bad boy over and over in between contractions pushes my most vivid memory from a three-month obstetrics rotation over a decade ago screamed by the largest glaswegian woman i've ever seen take i.t back freaking take i.t back not me but my mom delivers babies she was telling me that one time there was a woman that went to push and open up her mouth and had the longest drawn out scream ever it was so long that everyone was kind of looked at each other check their watches and tap their foot once she was done my mom went up to her and said you only get to do that once during a delivery and you just used yours apparently when you scream it takes all the power from your push just try pooping and screaming and you'll get the idea apparently this woman was actually a psychiatrist mind over matter am i right him laughing at the image of redditors worldwide pooping and staring straight ahead yelling shamelessly as william wallace leading an army of rebels into battle i was in the delivery room because her father wasn't available she knew it was a girl for some time but as they put the baby on her after it was born she looked down saw the umbilical cord and yelled out hey aaai it is a boy i don't remember this because i was very out of it but i've seen the video hubby wanted to see how i was doing and he pulled off my oxygen mask and asked how i felt i started in with the litany against fear from june i must not fear fear is the mind color fear is the little death that brings total obliteration you are awesome i just made jokes about them not tracking sand in their c-section if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

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Keywords: doctors, nurses, hospital, delivery, funny doctor, funny doctor visit, medical, medical stories, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, reddit stories 2021

Id: PidpRGe6RUQ

Length: 21min 36sec (1296 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 28 2021