Doctor: "I Can't Believe We Need to Have This Talk"

doctors of reddit what is your most surprising i can't believe i need to have this conversation with an adult story i had to explain to a grown man i still work with that tampons don't break down in a woman's urine after they were finished using them he's been married 12 years it was not his best day my mother helps the amish get dental care one amish woman complained that she needed new dentures when asked why she thought so she replied well i've lost weight and you know that when you lose weight you lose it in your gums first doctors and dentists if you're looking for a community to serve the amish can truly use your help i could write a book about the things i've seen we're waiting on that book of yours emt here i had a grown adult try to explain to emmy that someone else crap his pants it got toned out for finger paint at a homeless shelter at zero two zero zero we get there and the guy jumps in the truck with very mild swelling to the tip of his right index finger here's how the conversation went me so what happened patient i smoked some m and then i fell asleep in my bunk and i woke up next to my bunk and my finger hurt and there was poop me there was poop did you fall in poop patient no no like in my pants me so you pooped your pants patient no it wasn't me me so let me get this straight you smoked him took a nap rolled out of bed in your sleep hurt your finger and someone else came along and crap in your pants before you woke up patient yeah it wasn't me oh my god somebody put crap in my pants had to explain to an adult you have to brush all the sides of the teeth like no just the side that shows when you smile is not enough and yes flossing is not just a thing for rich people had a patient in our high priority area for dka sugar was in the 800s stomach pain nausea vomiting and the such pulled burger king and gummy worms out of his backpack and proceeded to eat them like bro do you even know what diabetes is non-compliance and lack of medical knowledge is a big thing in detroit patient comes in at 2am for insomnia clearly tweaking her brains out heart rate 200 can't sit still bouncing off the walls i suggest maybe easing up on the sea but doctor i love ck i imagine her pulling out a crap load of sea at the spot and just ramming it to her nose i was working in gp and had a patient scheduled for an appointment looked through his notes to gain an idea of why he may be seeing me and saw he'd been seen a few times with knee pains shoulder pains and the like the guy is in his 70s so probably just arthritis i'm thinking i'll do an examination on his sore joints and ask a few questions prescribe some painkillers and it'll be a quick one call him in and he walks and sits down and is cheery as anything what seems to be the problem then sir i notice you've had some issues recently with sore joints i ask he then proceeds to tell me about this saw knee so i check his knee and take a history and it all seems fine ask anything else and he's like oh actually my neck is sore too so i check his neck and nothing untoward to be found there either at this point he's like okay well thanks doc i'll be off then i say to him oh good glad we could help and you have no other pains at all before you go he then sits back down and tells me he's been having central crushing chest pain radiating down his left arm and into his jaw since last night and has been feeling breathless and when it happened he had an impending sense of doom i know a lot of you won't be doctors here but i'm sure you all recognize signs of an am i there he had all the classic textbook symptoms called an ambulance and he was rushed to hospital for pci percutaneous coronary intervention thread a catheter up the arteries into the coronary artery to find and then treat the blockage sorry for the medical acronym haha tl dr man came in complaining of arthritis and when he was about to leave decided to tell me he'd had a heart attack the night before and thought nothing of it my dad told me about an extremely religious male patient who was concerned about his nocturnal emissions he saw it as an offense to god and wanted to know what he could do to stop it my dad's response well it's gotta go somewhere guy better out than i always say nurse here retired after 27 years on the job the number of american 20-somethings that don't know if they're circumcised or not is surprisingly high when one with urinary tract infection symptoms needs to give a specimen for testing i ask are you circumcised if not i have to tell them to pull back the foreskin before peeing in the cup the number of guys who have asked what's that is way too many for the record i can count the number who were uncircumcised on two hands i knew a guy who i'm 99 sure was circumcised who thought that he was not because circumcision is when you cut off the head of the dong yeah no i don't know how much of this is true it was my cousin who is a doctor who told me he was in his first year in a clinic and people went there to have an appointment because he was good-looking elder ladies loved him particularly but this is totally unrelated and the worst case was when this elder lady goes in with her granddaughter around eight euro she had a severely infected wound in her head upon close inspection he saw the wound crawling with small maggots and the smell was terrible he was pee of course and asked why didn't she wash the wound and brought her earlier she said she thought it would heal with time and was afraid to wash it lest water enters her brain and kills her but there was also this woman that took her six-year-old daughter there to check why she still didn't have pubies my mom lost her crap when she found out my grandma didn't change her needle between blood sugar tests my mom lectured her i lectured her and she still won't change it it's like two years old grandma's gonna die of an infection one day but that's her problem also she had a friend who didn't know how to use the needle right so instead of poking herself with it she'd scratch her skin till she bled i cringed when i heard that when i first got diagnosed they sent me home with lancets and test strips but no lancet gun i seriously thought i had to manually stab myself with the lancet went out two days later and bought a lancet gun i changed lancets for every single test most diabetics apparently think this is hilarious i'm not a doctor but i suppose this is related my mother before she had kids grew up not even knowing that you could breastfeed a baby she was never told anything about what breasts were for freaking and even about being gay her parents never talked about any topic that was considered taboo my mother learnt about that once she had her first baby subsequently at 16. that is so sad lady had a broken jaw she comes in after two weeks with an open mandible fracture referred her to the hospital for immediate surgery she never went bc it doesn't bother her and she'll see if it gets better i once had to explain to a friend of mine that freaking doesn't give women curves referring to breasts butt and the curve of their sides he literally thought that was the only way this was after he called this little ten-year-old girl a s because she was already starting to develop so not a doctor but i work at a hospital we had someone come into amd because they needed their nails redoing they genuinely thought it was a good idea to go to accident and emergency to have their fake nails taken off and redone because they had gotten too long and become uncomfortable talk about being high maintenance not a doctor but i have two of these stories first i had to explain to my 70 year old grandmother that women's belly buttons have nothing to do with conception she thought if you didn't have a better button you couldn't have a baby second when i was in my twenties a co-worker about the same age came into the office looking distraught i asked if she was okay she told me that she thought she might need to see a doctor after a few more questions she tells me that she and her boyfriend were messing around he was fingering her when suddenly she couldn't breathe lost control over her muscles her heart was pounding so fast etc and when it was over she was kind of weak and flushed she thought it might have been a seizure i got to inform her that she had an orgasm not a doctor but when i was in afghanistan a local man came up to us on patrol with his hand wrapped in a sheet he was in visible pain and was asking for a doctor so we got the medic to go see him and i helped unwrap his hand and it was just freaking huge he'd cut his hand very badly and for whatever reason kept it submerged in diesel for three days before seeking help his hand appeared to have soaked up a crap load of diesel or it was just infected to frick but it resembled a water balloon and lightly touching it caused it to be liquid it was nasty there was a nursing student i had once who laughed loudly and exclaimed how can you possibly get an std in your mouth are the innocence of youth wait till she has a patient who has an std in their stoma i'm a paramedic i delivered a baby in the back of the ambulance and placed it on the mother's chest i asked her what its name was can't remember if there was a boy or girl and she looked at me and said i thought you named it i really should have ran with it but i was too surprised that she actually thought that i saw a patient for a follow-up after three visits and as many days for asthma he was from another country so this was the first time i ever met him his lungs sound absolutely terrible but he swears he is taking the inhaler every 2-4 hours with no relief this raises suspicion to me as the same meds are working in the air i ask him to show me how he is using it he holds it about a foot away from his mouth and does two puffs like binica and swallows i felt really bad he had never received any education about his illness or medications my great-grandmother used to do this she was stubborn and wouldn't take any advice so instead my family asked me to use mine when i was with her so she could see the proper way i don't remember if she ever caught on working in a rural obgyn clinic i told her pt to try vitamin b6 to help with her nausea and morning sickness she called back a few weeks later and told me that walmart did not have vitamin b6 so she bought b12 and has just been cutting them in half well i could maybe understand thinking the number is a dosage if you're unfamiliar at least she can do basic arithmetic based on the other stories in this thread that's a solid milestone that coming to the year for a pregnancy test is a very very expensive way to do it apparently she didn't know you could buy one of the right a down the block seriously don't come to the air for a pregnancy test cause the test results won't be the only surprise you'll be getting also if you have diabetes that you need to take your medication no getting fatter isn't the worst that can happen the worst that can happen is that you'll die that's why you're in the air with diabetic ketoacidosis and suffering organ damage it's why you're gonna lose your toes take your goddamn meds that taking that weird plant they bought from a pharmacy online isn't 14.324 times better than chemo and doesn't only attack cancer cells because it likes the acid environment in it i was living in china and taught english on the side to a student whose mother was a physician this was in 2012 just prior to the london olympics the mother wanted to send her daughter to london with a school group to watch the olympics but has reservations about it i asked why she said she was worried that her daughter would catch aids from using the public toilets yes a doctor hiv education and awareness in china is severely lacking even for educated doctors source was chinese chinese as in nationality not ethnicity i was that patient once in my late twenties i was fortunate enough to have never had a boil nor did i know anyone who had ever had one so when i got one under my arm i just assumed it was some sort of sore that would go away when it grew to the size of a weeping golf ball and became super painful i figured out it was a boil and knew that you fixed boils by lancing them tried to stab it with my rusty pen knife but chickened out and went to the doctor instead i took my soggy tissue away from the mess and my armpit and the doctor literally jumped back in horror i now know that boils do not fix themselves and should be immediately treated with antibiotics married a pharmacy assistant just to be on the safe side i'm gp in small town british medical center older lady came into one of the day clinics with a large shopping bag emitting a foul smell so much so we gave her the special treat reserved for smelly patience of waiting in the doctor's corridor instead of the waiting room having received complaints from other patients upset older lady comes into my office for her appointment and sits down asks me how big the largest poo i've ever seen as a doctor was i demur and explain i don't actually see as much poo as one might imagine and she proceeds to tell me an epic tale for the week before her appointment she'd had the worst case of constipation she'd ever had she tried and tried but could not go to the toilet no matter how much olive oil or licorice she consumed then the day before the clinic she felt the urge and found herself doing the longest poo i've ever seen it just kept coming and coming and coming so fascinated was she by her enormous poo that she couldn't bring herself to flush it but picked it out of the toilet put it in a waterproof shopping bag and showed her friends who she says told her she must show it to a medical professional because we just be fascinated to see such a large unusual stool and then she opened the bag and showed me her poo which filled it it filled the entire bag tl dr full-grown adult woman brought in a big bag of her poo because she thought i'd find it interesting well i guess she was right omfg finally something i can comment on well here in mexico we have something called social service our college education is free in some institutions so we have to pay for it with one year of free work in a rural area so the first month a woman in her 30s came to consult because she was feeling weird in the mornings since forever i asked what her symptoms were and she told me that every day she wakes up feeling her mouth dry and that feeling disappears in about one or two hours oh well lady how many water do you drink hum one or maybe two glasses one at breakfast and one middle day do you know what this is yeah when you drink water so you can pee so i had a conversation that took one hour long about what first is and how it feels also i had to told her that she needed to drink more water i don't know what blows my mind more the idea that someone can't determine that they're thirsty or that someone can make it through a day on only two glasses of water my sister who is a new redditor and hope sees this is a doctor and 25 years ago when she had her very very first patient out of residency and this patient refused to allow her to see her breasts which were sore and needed a mammogram to check out a lump so sister asks why in this girl who is about 30 and single said matarov fact leo that's lesbian we can't do that it's against the lord's wishes she loves telling this story at the dinner table on family gatherings especially to our religious side i'm a paramedic and recently transported an idiot who self-presented to the local hospital who found he was having a heart attack steamy and needed him sent to a bigger hospital for treatment during my assessment i asked him how long he'd been having chest pain on and off for 12 months he tells me any family history one of the biggest indicators oh yes dad died of a heart attack brother died of a heart attack both of them first presentation stone dead on the spot no freaking about so you have a 12 month history of intermittent chest pain and a family history of your closest male relatives spontaneously chucking heart isn't dying and you've never got it investigated but furthermore the only reason you came to the hospital tonight is because your family badgered you into it i told him he needed a solid kick in the ass to his credit he agreed loads of people are like this though as they tell themselves it's nothing and get on with their lives in the hope it goes away instead of hypochondria you get hypochondriacs who despite evidence to the contrary think they're healthy not a doctor but i agreed to pick up my good friend's wife from her pregnancy sonogram driving home the wife tells me she's surprised it's a girl because the last kid was a girl and it's supposed to go boy girl boy girl right statistically that is more likely than many other patterns such as say boy girl squid rock as a paramedic had a patient barricade his elderly mother and grandmother in the house threatening to kill himself and them eventually he let them out but still threaten to kill himself we're all waiting outside we actually have to park the ambulance a few blocks away until police declare the scene safe pd calls us on the radio and tells us that they have the patient and we need to take him to the hospital we drive up and hip out and here's this 40 year old man in a bathrobe with what looks like a paper cut one the inside of one forearm while calling the hospital to tell them we're on our way i say patient has a very superficial cut on his left forearm the patient hears me and goes what do you mean superficial so i explained that it was a very shallow cut on his arm and that he'll be just fine he says i'll be just fine i tried to kill myself i cast my arm and then stopped when it started hurting that's how i figured i did some damage i was honestly dumbfounded so i'm only an emt but i want to weigh in here to this conversation i had to tell a patient with severe pneumonia and the patient's family that you don't get sick that is catch a cold by leaving your skin exposed the family was vehemently debating me on the fact claiming that i had no idea what i was talking about because i'm not a doctor attempting to explain to them the necessity for a foreign body to enter your system was the most preposterous thing to them my parents always told me that the reason i got sick was because i wore t-shirts to bed yes mother i got the flu because i exposed my forearms and hands as i slept not because half the kids at my school were probably off dying from it i'm a dental hygienist and once was telling a patient after a cleaning that she had gingivitis she replies with i must have caught her from my boyfriend had to explain to her that it's because she doesn't brush floss enough she was 36 i had a patient drive himself to the neurology clinic who ended up being completely deaf cortically blind in half his visual field and demented to the point where he didn't know what decade it was that's honestly impressive from when i was a resident working in the living heck that is the gin er at a major florida hospital woman comes in complaining of missed periods hasn't had one in two months me do you think there is any chance you may be pregnant patient no that's impossible me are you active in your private life patient yes of course me do you use protection patient number me do you think you might be pregnant repeat for 15 minutes i swear we could have reduced the number of visits to that by stapling a bag of pregnancy tests to the door with a sign saying think you're pregnant take one attacking an ultrasound probe of the female bits to the door with a sign saying want a picture of the baby we use this to take the ultrasound i think you're forgetting how ignorant the patients that you just described are if you stapled a bag of pregnancy tests to the door your patients would take the tests but inevitably try to use them by spitting into the tests or shoving the tests into the rectum [Music] patient made an appointment and brought in his crap in a box he was concerned about the size of his turd and if it's normal all he got from the visit was normal turd yes it's pretty wide turd box was set out with biohazard waste waste guy thought it was a misplaced package and put it on the front desk secretary got quite the surprise that day not a doctor but a co-worker asked about a surgery we had just finished at the animal hospital i work at the dog had a pyometra pus-filed uterus we removed when i told her this she looked at me in horror and asked how the dog was going to be able to pee without a uterus she's 25. doctor here i think the most frustrating i've seen since i was a resident was a very pretty like stunningly pretty 17 year old with what appeared to be normal loving affluent parents she had a tumor in her pelvis rhabdomyosarcoma that we could resect to potentially cure her the parents declined also declined chemo and said they want to try holistic medicine because that made more sense to them i last saw her three years ago she was getting huge lymph nodes removed from her groin because they were unsightly obviously metastatic disease parents did not want primary tumor removed and again declined chemo i see 100 patients weak probably lots of devastatingly sad cases but i still think about that girl listening to her parents costing her life i bet she's dead now i can assure people doctors are not trying to swindle you give you unnecessary care or have some ulterior motive in this sort of setting 99.99 of doctors are treating patients the same way they treat family so try not to be dense we want to help a few years ago the subject of human anatomy came up between a friend and i he went on this whole tangent about how all men have uteruses because his college professor said so i don't know if his professor was trying to explain trans men and some wires got crossed or what but i had to explain to this fully grown man that he did not nor did any natural born male have a uterus i sent him diagrams and told him to google for himself if he didn't believe me he said those were fake professor so and so said i asked him where he thought his uterus was and he said the same place yours is when i counted with a you have a t he got quite angry and said men don't have to watch i explained that not having a t means not having a uterus he laughed at me and said okay just go ahead and believe that why yes i will go ahead and believe anatomical facts we weren't really friends anymore after that especially since i asked about 20 times whether or not he was joking don't be too hard on him it was probably his time of the month stepmom isn't a nurse she used to tell stories about her fun patients she had my favorite was always this severely drunk guy came in with signs of alcohol poisoning they put a urethral catheter in him so he didn't pee himself he didn't quite understand what it was and why he had it in his dong and kept on messing with it at one point he tried pulling it out and my stepmom she's not the very best at subtlety mind you leans over and said in his ear if you pull that out now your dong will never work again well wouldn't you know it he stopped trying to pull it out after that i used to do patient transfers from outlying standaloners to impatient facilities a guy had a balloon catheter and he cut the tube it receded inside him and a urinologist had to admit him to remove it if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 18,010

Rating: 4.8880596 out of 5

Keywords: doctors, doctor stories, nurses, hospital, emergency, medical, doctors share their worst stories, doctors share most awkward, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: UUT46kyk0W8

Length: 25min 20sec (1520 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 10 2020