Do You Feel American?: Immigrant Parents vs 1st Generation | Middle Ground

hey good humans this episode is brought to you by tick-tock Before we jump into the episode we actually want to hear from one of our favorite tick-tock creators and a big jublia friend this is Zara hi I'm Lara I'm an Afghan American and a child of immigrants my parents moved to the United States about 26 years ago with hopes of a better life and more opportunities my siblings and I opportunities that they never had growing up in Kandahar Afghanistan during a time of turmoil throughout their childhoods my parents faced countless obstacles and struggles obstacles and struggles that shape them into the people that they are today resilient and hard-working courageous and selfless and throughout my own childhood I never had to struggle in that same way at all but my parents taught me those same traits that they grew up with to be hardworking and strong-willed and resilient and I'm grateful that I have a platform like Tik Tok to share that on thanks Sarah make sure you check her out and other amazing tick tock critters but downloading the app tick tock and for now enjoy this episode it is not so much me accepting America and becoming an American is more about America accepting me [Music] I am an immigrant and I am a parent born in India three kids yes I am from Brazil my firstborn was seven months when we came in I am first-generation Nigerian Cameroonian American I would describe myself as I thought of immigrants I love I know exactly where my roots are don't really hear a lot about child of immigrants experiences and I really want to hear from the other side as well from my parents side I think I want to see just the love and compassion of each culture hey guys I'm Kendra I'm 27 years old and I'm the casting producer Jubilee and I'm first-generation Nigerian Cameroonian American my name is Marco Landon I'm a student at UCSD I'm 20 years old and I'm a child of immigrants and I identify as Asian American I am Fanny I am 41 and I'm a filmmaker and I grew up in Venezuela my name is Christine I'm 28 years old and I'm first-generation Chinese American I am romi Singh 57 years old I was born in India and I am an immigrant father of three children born in America my name is Surya I'm 54 years old I born in Brazil and I mother forward my parents had a good life because especially my dad they had you know he had a big family with siblings but you know he graduated high school really late because he had no shoes and he had no support and my mom - she lived in a in a room with her siblings on my grandma and they worked so hard and then they brought us to this country and I'm very very grateful my parents grew up in Cultural Revolution China so they always tell me that you know they didn't have the opportunity to go to school and that's why they came here so that my brother and I could and have the opportunity that they did not have and birthday parties - like my mom doesn't actually know when her birthday is because they don't like keep track of that in camera so we like joke that it's like December 31st maybe but like I had I had birthday parties growing up and like my father fought in a war when he was 11 when I was 11 I was watching Nickelodeon like okay you know I didn't I didn't have the same experiences as my parents growing up I am very appreciative because I was able to go to school my mom that was unable to go to school they have to leave their home country this time I guess on top of everybody what everybody's saying aside from the money aspect I feel like I was able to be more expressive here I'm like openly queer I also talked about my mental illnesses pretty openly and I feel like that's something my parents were never able to talk about like I know my father and my mother both suffered from abuse as well so a lot of the things that they've gone through they feel like I feel like they had to internalize and not really been able to really express or find proper treatment or care for these um certain things I don't think my parents had to go through a few things as I had to go through with my kids my parents had to deal with things that are not showing up home at 8 o clock for dinner and I have to worry about making sure the kids don't get into drugs or into some other bad habits looking back what it would have been or could have been had had been back in India I think those are big things that I would say so when I was like 11 or 12 my dad tried to take my sister and I to ebo classes that's the language that they speak in his tribe in Nigeria and nothing made no sense in one year and out the other I think also to a lot of like the cultural norms of like Nigerian Cameroon I don't agree with for example hitting your kids is acceptable and I don't agree with that and I do not like that about how that's how I was raised my father passed away I was six so for my mom and my brothers really kept the culture and thanks to them that I was able to learn the Arabic language but I never been back home I truly feel like I'm missing out on it I think for me it's that I don't feel necessarily Asian enough nor do I feel necessarily America enough I've know that a lot of my Asian friends would say I'm very whitewashed and when I speak Cantonese or Chinese leo why do you say it like that or you don't know how to say that and then when I have non Asian friends they would say oh like you're very Asian like more like you use chopsticks or oh you only want to get Asian food all the time so then there's always like these other people always chiming in about me and my cultural identity that I never really get a chance to really define myself in that maybe I miss understood the question because I definitely identify with you know not feeling American enough or not feeling Asian enough but I feel like when I think cultural roots I think like family values that my parents instilled in me you know being kind and you know being generous and taking care of family and like those kind of principles my father the grandfather for the kids he lives with us my mother passed away and then he came to live with us so that's the other connectivity we have to the culture and you know we do things simple things like you know my kids when they're home they have tea with my dad every evening at five o'clock and so and that's when the talk and I think that's the other connection we have because we are a multi-generational okay for me because my parents are in the states too so they really you know my dad makes that it buzz and you know we have a whatsapp group with my family and I check it every morning and they keep me updated to what's happening and I try hard to instill that and my kids it's hard do you feel like the only way to keep that is through like generational ties because I didn't grow up with grandparents all of my grandparents died by the time I was seven so I didn't know anyone my past family and my parents siblings like most of them have passed away as well certainly a way to stay connected but for example there's a group of Venezuelans in LA that we meet and we keep in touch every city I go to I make it a point to find the one Venezuelan restaurant like I mean you could definitely dig and it takes work but I think it's important having the privilege to grow up in America being around people of different cultures and backgrounds and just diversity I feel like I wouldn't be the person I am today if I wasn't able to meet the people I met or even just talk to the people I've ever talked to I didn't grow up in a family that spoke the same language at all my dad speaks ebo my mom's takes a combination of like pidgin English and French and I only know English my parents always make this joke like we taught you English whenever I try to correct them when they say something like well we're the ones who taught you English so that's the only language that we can all connect through I think also my parents wanted me to assimilate into the US as much as possible so everything they said and everything that they ever read and was in English and even the TV shows like every time I would kind of maybe put on like an HK TV like Hong Kong TV or something like oh no tried Nickelodeon I tried Cartoon Network mainly because they didn't want me to feel ostracized because they knew like I can like 1st or 2nd grade a lot of kids wouldn't mock me when I would like speak Chinese my mom speaks English and my dad does not so a lot of times I'll communicate in both and my friends will hear me on the phone and I'll go from Chinese to English and they're like you're speaking English I'm like I am like my parents understand both and sometimes I'm disappointed in myself if I can't find the Chinese word because I feel like I'm losing my Chinese you know I speak with my family in Spanish my brother tries to talk to me in English sometimes and it's weird it just feels weird why are you talking to means English you know but then with my kids it's been so difficult to teach him Spanish and they went to Dual Immersion school and you know when they were little I was like you cannot learn Spanish because I want you to be bilingual but he's very very difficult and I think now that are a little older they're they're trying to learn Spanish yes I love talking to my sister who also speaks three languages and depending if you want to exchange some secret even if in front of our kids we usually you know speak in whatever language the others don't understand but also helps helps being connected back to where you come from till you find yourself changing and you're speaking I can do this very easily yeah without knowing well there's certain things you can say in English easier in Spanish and vice-versa like the word for love in Spanish we have like 10 words for love you know in English is love you know some things that are easier in a certain language but is it bad that I don't really want to speak my mother tongue that much it's mainly because like it's tethered to like really negative emotions my father was abusive towards me so I love the yelling and a lot of the conflict and a lot of the screaming was all done in Chinese so whenever I hear Chinese now I associate that immediately with that violent household so that's why I like even one of my friends I love to speak Cantonese to me it's like that's awesome yay but I don't really want to speak to back because it's associated with such anger but there's a billion people in China right there I'm not denying what you went through right but I think you'd be missing an opportunity but it's a little different so both mark and I speak Cantonese which is largely I would say a dying language because only people from Hong Kong where they're small southern part trying to speak Cantonese the majority trying to speaks Mandarin I love being able to speak Chinese to my parents because sometimes there's things that are more easily expressed and my parents always try to teach me the wait like different ways of life and different principles that can only be said in Chinese because if they're said in English so like I'm like you think differently right yeah differently so I think that's the opportunity really to really look at the world a little different yeah it's more expensive I think the best thing is that I can really bring knowledge to them there that things aren't done the same way everywhere because I grew up differently I was born in the States but I left when I was a baby and I grew up in Venezuela so it's very interesting to see how my kids are growing and how I grew up and I feel sometimes they're missing out on certain things but I also see all the opportunities they're getting that I didn't I mean my parents are pretty open people we talk about anything my mom went through depression and we were there for her at first we thought she was making it up so that might have been like culture but you know what time we started to learn about it and this a great um there's a great system here for mental health so I think I learned a lot and like I said my parents and I talked about everything we're very open with each other I think mental health and a lot of Chinese American household is ignored mainly because you know my parents never had that outlet to share how they felt to speak up because they always had larger things going on in their life like trying to survive cultural revolution China how I interpreted it is if I was feeling depressed or some type of way I could tell my parents now would they do anything about it no because in Africa well that I notice you know this is from like I watched I grew up like watching a lot of Nigerian movies when someone has mental health problems they call it like oh they just have an evil spirit in them they need to get the evil spirit out you know I'm not saying that people there do not have it but it's not talked about there's a pride there and I know this cuz I'm pretty sure my dad has had depression since I was born and like me and my siblings recognize it now but like he would never the thought of saying hey Dad Dean do you want that there every maybe we should see a therapist completely off the table why would I go see a therapist I'm fine if you have a roof over your head you have clothes on your back you're fine I'm fine I mean it's a whole saving face culture as well in Chinese culture like you can't let someone see that you're weak like any emotion is weakness so no matter what it is just be strong and if you can't be strong pretend like you're strong and just get over it you're up to right Kendra you know it's like if somebody is emotionally disturbed they would say they're you know they have a bad spirit or there would be a common term given that he's a crazy right but it's only about a few decades since now we actually are giving labels to specific diseases associated with the mind so for me I never had a chance so I'd never had the need to discuss this yes I feel like that's the question I'm gonna have to answer like in a few years I feel like when I'm at a place where I want to be then I can say yes but reflecting on where I am in my life right now I don't I don't know if I'd necessarily say it made me better because I still feel like I still feel like there's a lot of a pattern of how they were raised and then their parents were raised and their parents are raised with how they raised me and it's a lot of like struggles and difficulties I'm trying to deal with now as an adult living in America as opposed to Nigeria Cameroon I've been here since 86 I came in yes my speaking English and I learned with my children everything else that's why I feel like I'm more American now then I am Brazilian or there I am Arabic I was naturalized I raised my hand but raising the hand and when you swear allegiance it's not enough I think you have to really feel it here and you know I've been here since 85 one year more than you and for me it is not so much me accepting America and becoming an American is more about America accepting me and making me part of this country and I just feel lived most of my life here you know my kids were born here everything has been good to me so I feel very much as an American here although I was born here like distinctly like American I feel like I identify more with Asian American but even then that term is very murky since being Asian isn't enough for my Asian friends and being American isn't enough for my I guess American friends I when I was 17 and to this country and I was taking my college entrance exam and I was supposed to check a box to say wife in this area was or what nationality and there was not an ash that was in a box for Venezuela and obviously and that was the first time ever I was confronted with selecting my ethnicity so even though I've lived in this country longer than I lived in Venezuela I am constantly being told where are you from where is that accent even though my accent is extremely mild and so just like you said I do feel like I'm American because I'm from South America I'm North America so I feel double American but the fact that I am constantly being asked where I'm from and that I don't have a say because I'm not from this country even though like my kids are from here I live here I pay taxes I don't know how anybody I just have to be blind like any one of you feel American not in this time not in this country because it's a constant thing it's not always line you know some people are generally just curious and I think very negatively like you speak Chinese like we're in Asia are you from like and I take it as a opportunity to educate them like I mention American my parents are from China I was born here and you know I do speak Chinese but you know I was born here I'm American it's I take it more as a question of curiosity and and rather than a question of of trying to put you down so my father is a Sikh and when 9/11 happened he felt very scared for his life so I am NOT a Sikh I don't feel a turban my father does you know if I if you ask me personally I feel safe sometimes I don't know if my family is safe if something bad was to happen because my father wears a turban because he's a Sikh I don't know I don't know if that will spill over into my household yeah my children you know two boys so I they're Latinos you know I do have those concerns but that being said I can speak here I can be in this video you know in Venezuela I'd be put in jail I think it's not just the color of our skin or the way you speak but we get judged allow so by our names because that that was really hard for my children growing up in school I I had experienced a lot too from my name my color scan the way I look and and it's just it's how we gonna take that and deal with we can make it worse than it than it is or we can make it better no my parents are Palestinian they're from the Middle East [Music] yes I think it's beautiful there is the good of each culture and there's some challenging of each one of them too for my girls there are certain things that they couldn't do so that was a challenging for me being a mom I think so there's a lot of things that my parents did you know we traveled a lot because they wanted to really encourage learning they actually went to university in the US so I think when they went back home and they raced us they had a little bit of the influence from the US but I do love like you know 9:00 p.m. was bedtime I did that with my kids or family even religion culture we have same values so yeah I do try to race them very similar same here I think I am Who I am because of my parents I I know they did the best they could and you know there are things that we do things differently I mean we live in a different world right now I mean there were times that the biggest occasion for us in a month would be when we go and watch a movie together as a family now it's you standing and talking back there it can be watching something on YouTube right so it's a completely different environment how you raise the children again you have to adapt to the new environment but the values the culture what it takes to be a good human being I think that baseline remains the same yeah that's a hard no for me and it's because I was raised to fear my parents a big part of it too was just a lot of what Americans would consider abuse I never wanted you know discredit like anything that my parents have done because I understand that this is the best that they could do and they did try to raise me the best that they could but even then I felt like there was a lot of holes that didn't need to happen my brother and I never was both out growing up and they pay for a college and they did everything that they were supposed to you what I wish my parents did that if I have kids I would do for is you know tell them I'm proud of them ah sorry guys and you know I'm part of them all the time even though we're not close and sometimes I feel like we just need to hear it back like that they're proud that we went to college and our good functioning in this world I was raised by my mom and my brothers I had three brothers and they are all very restricted even getting up and looking through the window for my mom there was no no I could not even do that or go to the store by myself oh no someone is gonna kidnap you so yeah I was a stay home mom so I took drove my children back and forth to school and to their activities so I feel like it was different the way they were raised and I was I was raised with more restriction even though I was raised in Brazil but my mom was like she has a lot of wisdom when I look back now to the way she was so restrict she did the right thing that people that watch this video if they can relate thought they speak up I hope it's far as a conversation that they themselves can find a mutual understanding between their parents or their kids thank you so much for watching I hope you guys enjoyed that episode just as much as I did feel free to follow me on take talk at Muslim Thicke and have a great time thank you Sarah if you want to check her up make sure you download tik tok and follow over content she's amazing and maybe one day you'll see jublia tik tok as one let us know what you thought about the episode in the comments below make sure you hit the like button and subscribe and we will see you next time [Music]

Channel: Jubilee

Views: 1,081,902

Rating: 4.9313049 out of 5

Keywords: jubilee, jubilee media, jubilee project, live deeper, blind devotion, love language, middle ground, spectrum, immigrant parents vs 1st generation, immigrant parents, 1st generation americans, immigrating to america, asian american, african american, nigerian american, brazilian american, venezuelan american, chinese american, indian american, child of immigrants, culture shock, the american dream, what does it mean to be first generation?

Id: jZA34onP-ZA

Length: 25min 32sec (1532 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 30 2019