Designer Sex | Andy Stanley

I don't think sex is a great idea before marriage however I believe it's something that needs to be explored for you and the rest of your lives with somebody this idea of waiting so marriage and not having sex is only bad for society if I changed one thing it would have been to wait before marriage to have sex I feel like that would have made my wife Sandoz relationships a whole lot more secure me and my boyfriend have been living together for three years now and we're pretty much a married couple that's what we consider ourselves I think the reason why people have this doubts on announce because they always have that question in their head is there's something else out there that's better [Music] well if you're just joining us we're in part three of this series of new rules for love sex and dating and this is a series really for single people and yet most of the email and and text that I get are from married people in fact I tell you who loved last week you won't be surprised by this and if you haven't been if you haven't watched the whole series this what makes this later the group that really really love last week's message were the men a little bit older than me with twenty year old daughters they loved it one guy sent me an email he said preach it every quarter and turn it up a notch I'm like I don't think even I can do that now this this whole this whole series has been a brilliance Engel question are you the person the person you're looking for is looking for are you the person the person you're looking for is looking for in other words as you think about the future and future relationships and hopefully falling in love one day and get married and I really hope you get married and no matter how young you are - how far away marriage seems to be marriage can be awesome and the reason I'm doing this series for single people and high school students and college students is I want you to get in your mind marriage can be awesome it doesn't have to be like your parents marriage it can be better and if you had a great if your parents have a great marriage it can be like that it can be absolutely incredible but what you do now set you up for success later or what you do now set you up for failure later and after listening to so many married people tell me the same things over and over and over and I find myself going did no one warned you did no one tell you didn't you know didn't you know didn't you know I thought I just want to tell single people all the stuff I wish all these married people wish they'd known when they were their age you know your age and so that's really what this series is all about now it's called the new rules for love sex and dating and then week 1 we talked about love and in week 2 we skipped over and talked about dating how a man should treat a woman and the whole dating context so today we come to sex yes this is the sex talk okay this is the one your parents never gave you I'm gonna give it to you as an adult okay I'm gonna tell you all the stuff they didn't tell you because the sex talk was so lame when you were a kid right it was like 15 minutes nobody may die of one in 15 minutes it was like five minutes nobody made eye contact and everybody was glad it was over and then they wondered why you made such ridiculous decisions because nobody ever gave you the scoop so today I'm gonna be a bit of a parent if that's okay and I want to talk specifically to single people about sex and as I said from the beginning part of this whole series is saying the stuff I thought everybody knew that apparently people don't know or they've forgotten and today what I want to say specifically about sex that's really just one big idea is something that I think we all know intuitively but our culture never talks about this we never hear this nobody advertises this and it and the reason is it's not marketable you can't make any money on this message you don't want to watch a movie about this message it's not interesting but it's true and if you miss this you honestly I'm not exaggerating you set yourself up for disaster relationally later on and I just want to help as many of you as possible miss this landmine and the people around you who are married who are listening or you know if they have the opportunity they would say yeah you know listen up I wish somebody had told me this so the myth that I want to try to rip apart in our next few minutes is simply this that sex it's only physical it's only physical in other words if nobody gets pregnant and nobody gets a sexually transmitted disease and nobody gets hurt then have a great time because it's just physical it's like ping pong it's like touch football more like tackle football it's more like tackle football and stay on the ground as long as possible but it's just it's just it's just physical okay it's just physical there's there's no harm done again if every nobody gets pregnant nobody gets hurt and everybody's can you know you know it's agreeing then just have a great time because when it's over it's over and you just kind of move on it's absolutely it's just physical but the truth is and I think you kind of know this intuitively and if you don't I just want to bring about Brown front and center the truth is sex it's not just physical it's not just physical and here's my point in case you have to leave early if you treat sex as if it's just physical you hurt yourself you hurt yourself and eventually if you get married you hurt your partner and then it's too late and the thing is the single people you need to know this about some marry to people around you they are dealing with the consequences of bad sexual decisions and they don't even understand what the connection between what they did when they were younger and the consequences they're suffering they they can't even connect the dots so for your sake I want to help connect some dots for you now to bring this really front and center where I could get everybody in the audience and online going yeah I agree which which we I want to I want every you know regardless of where you are religiously what you believe about God I this is such a big deal I don't want to go too fast so I want to ask you some questions and honestly this was the part of my message I tried to talk myself out of because this is a little painful this is gonna surface stuff that you don't want to think about and you haven't thought about a long time it may surface some stuff you've never thought about these are some questions that I don't have the answers to these are questions that we don't even we won't even agree on the answers to these questions and I don't have any agenda and I don't have any a purpose and asking these questions other than to get all of us to feel the gravity and to come together around this simple idea that I thought everybody knew but apparently our culture has forgotten and that's simply this the sex is not just a physical activity that sex is in your sexuality is actually connected to your personhood and is connected to your soul in such a powerful powerful powerful way that if you treat it as something that's simply physical you hurt yourself at the deepest level imaginable and I don't want you to do that and you don't have to do that so here are my awkward questions question number one why is it that when a child is sexually abused that when they're an adult and they put connect the dots and they begin to realize what happened to them why is it so difficult to shake that off why is it that oftentimes that's something that follows a person throughout their entire life in some cases tilts them off an axis just a little bit to where it's very very difficult for them throughout their life why can't they just shake it off as oh yeah dirty old man touched me inappropriately yeah whatever moving on why why is it so much different and some people say oh well because an authority figure betrayed no no no every child is eventually betrayed by an authority figure I'm an authority figure that doesn't always keep my promises to my own children anybody who's been in this world knows this is much much much deeper than that but you see if sexual behavior or sexuality was just physical but hey just shake it off move on put on your big-boy pants and go on but it's not this simple is it why is it why is it that rape is so much more devastating to a woman than simply being beat up why is it that a woman will report being beat up but why is it that a woman feels like I have to carry the secret of rape throughout my entire life and I can't tell anyone see if sex is just physical then it's just like being beat up it's just like being slapped around you just report it you get out of that relationship you move on and you leave it behind and it's just a distant memory but it's not really that way you know why because sex isn't just physical sexuality isn't just physical sexual behavior is not just physical is it here's one that may surprise you why is it that men with the deepest sexual issues why is it that men with the deepest sexual issues usually have uninvolved or missing fathers why is it that the men with the deepest sexual issues Oh in my case in terms of talking to men 100 percent of the time but we'll just say most of the time most of the time have uninvolved or distant fathers why is it the men that fall into sexual addiction I don't mean it's just a curiosity hey I'm a guy thing I mean it's an addiction that has a grip on them why is it that when they try to deal with the sexual addiction part they discover when they finally ask for help hey this is connected to something much deeper what's the connection a missing or absent father that's a family thing that's a family of origin thing that's way in the past what does that have to do with an adult man who's just in the grip of a sexual addiction what's the connection the smart people can explain it's a predictable habit it's a predictable pattern why because sexuality and sexual behavior is not just physical it touches and is rooted to you at the deepest level of your being and if you treat it like it's just physical you hurt yourself at the deepest level imaginable why is it that most people's greatest regrets are sexual why is it if you're a pastor a counselor or even as a friend when somebody comes to me or to a counselor says you know I wanted to meet with you I wanted to tell I want to tell you something that I've never told anyone before it's never I was at the mall and I backed my car into the car across the parking lot and I didn't leave a note why is it nice soon as somebody starts down the path I've I've never told anyone this before I need to talk to you about something that I've been carrying a long time why do I automatically know this has something to do with sexuality that the answer is simple it's because you are your sexuality in your sexual behavior it is not just physical and we live in a culture that wants to make it simple surface and physical and I don't even know her name and it was spring break and we were both drunk and she got pregnant and I said I paid from abortion she didn't want to pay him for an aborted have an abortion that's her business is her kid and I'm just moving on with my life we want to treat it like it's just physical but in our heart in our gut and in our experience eventually we come crashing into this reality it's not just physical and to treat it as if it is is to hurt ourselves and then I don't want you to get nervous during this next illustration especially in light of what we've just been talking about okay sigh of relief most of you are familiar with a Stradivarius the name Stradivarius the Stradivarius is actually a fine very expensive musical instrument that comes from Antonio Stradivari he lived in a I think it's called Cremona Italy and back in the mid 1700s and the late 1700s his family beginning with him crafted these amazing amazing amazing instruments thank you very much this the Stradivarius it was almost it was almost viewed as a supernatural sound the tone and the quality of the Stradivarius was so unusual many many people tried to copy it and no one was able to copy it they thought it was the wood they thought it was the craftsmanship but the sound of the Stradivarius especially in the Golden Age of the Stradivari family was considered mystical magical so consequently these are very fragile and very fine and very expensive and very sought-after instruments in fact Napoleon Bonaparte's Stradivarius was actually sold not too long ago for 3.6 million dollars now I went out to ask a question real quick are there any musicians anywhere here on the front few rows anybody that plays the musical instrument yeah what instrument do you play Oh what percussion okay have you ever held a Stradivarius before no okay Tate would you stand up for just a second yeah would you take this yeah and would you take it back around to that guy would you hold up your hand I want you to have and when you're finished with it what I like you to do is just pass it down the row so everybody can look at it and just pass it around the audience and when you're finished passing it around maybe somebody could put it over here on the steps in the case and I'll get it later if I think to remember to take it back with me would anybody do that with a Stradivarius no do you know that we live in a culture full of people maybe you're one of those people that do that with your sexuality all the time listen to me do you know how much more valuable you are to God then that piece of wood with cable and glue and string do you know how much more fragile your sexual then a piece of wood no matter who made it and when they were made and how what it was traded for do you know how much more valuable and fragile your sexuality is that that can be replaced newsflash you cannot be replaced that can be replaced that can be manufactured you get to do life one time you get to choose one time how to manage this very very fragile and important part of your life and the thing that makes sexuality deeper than what's physical is because God gave sexuality and God created sexuality as an expression of this little word that we don't hear about very much in life intimacy intimacy is to know and to be fully known and when God created sexuality which by the way is an interesting thought I mean if you're a creationist of any type at all you realize once upon a time there was no such thing as sex or sexuality and in the middle of creation or some point creation God said oh I have a great idea and the angels looked in and said what is it he's like well you won't be able to appreciate this at all and God created sex and he gave it to horses and cows and mice and cats and dogs and then he created us in His image and when he created us in his image he said I'm gonna take sexuality and sex to a whole nother level it's not gonna simply be about creating more humans it's not gonna simply be about procreation I'm gonna create something that they're gonna experience with each other that's going to reflect what I want them to experience with me it is going to be the ultimate expression of intimacy full-on passionate fearless fearless fearless know me as I am no fear of comparison no fear of criticism full-on passionate fearless coming together and it's gonna be like nothing else and it's gonna be fragile and it's gonna be powerful and I'm gonna give it to the human race as a gift but I hope they're careful with it because as powerful as it is and as fragile as it is it can be broken the single people let me tell you this you know married people who broke this you know married people that abuse this you know married women that are numb to the intimacy was designed to go with sex you know men who so because of their habits so detached sexual activity from intimacy but now that they're married they can't find intimacy in sex and they wonder what's wrong with them and they wonder what's wrong with their partner and their wife who has become numb to the passion and the power of sex wonders if maybe she married the wrong guy and they're both looking outside their marriage because they fell into what we talked about two weeks ago well maybe I married the wrong person and off they go again and the real issue is something they'll never be able to fully appreciate because when they were your age and when they were single and when they were dating nobody told them and they believed the lies the sex is just physical and I can do whatever I want to with my body and as Sunday I can meet the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and magically miss you know mystically everything's just going to be fine and they were wrong and they hurt themselves they hurt themselves you don't have to you get to get it right because God created it he created you for it he gave it to you it's fragile it's powerful handle it with care and when it's handled with care and when it's expressed in the right context it's absolutely beautiful and it's absolutely incredible but you cannot buy the lie of culture and experience what God intended for you to experience when it comes to your sexuality and sex now here's the interesting thing and this isn't the surprise part this is the oh yeah we expected this the Bible talks about this but but what's amazing you know how my I stay and read your Bible read your Bible read your Bible isn't it amazing as we're gonna see in a few minutes ago two thousand years ago I mean way before Antonio Stradivari way before the first strategies 2,000 years ago someone actually said what I've just said to a group of people that didn't know it like most people in our culture don't know it and it's amazing because the Apostle Paul he just he just says this and it's been in the scriptures all these years and for many of us we've missed it we've never heard it and part of it was because our parents didn't know how to talk to us about sex it was just don't do it why the Bible says not to I don't know just don't do it and they moved on but in the scriptures we find the answer as to why this is so important why it's so fragile now if you're not in person and you push back against the whole Christian morality thing and religious people I just I'm not gonna be able to convince you but I want to add a category to your thinking okay understand this historically historically religion has not been for marital fidelity historically religion has not said sexes but just between married people historically historically religion has has celebrated all kinds of sexual expressions as many most more prostitution traditionally and historically religious people have manufactured especially man-made religion has always manufactured religions around sexuality but when Moses went up on the mountain you know to get the Ten Commandments every pagan culture around the nation of Israel celebrated sex and religion there was no such thing as marital fidelity they would have laughed at such an idea now let me just ask you a question then we're gonna move on men just it's a guy question men if you're Moses and you're up on the mountain and you're you fooled all these people they think you're some kind of prophet and you know this is just all a sham and they're expecting you to come down from the mountain with the law of God in other words hey you better do what this says or God will get you and you know the whole thing's made up but they don't know that what would you have written in the law about sex you would not have written what Moses came down with you said well God said that since I'm the leader God said that since I'm kind of like the king God said that I'm like the father of the people and as the father of the people I need to parent the you know yeah you would have you know what you'd have come up I know what you would have come up with you would have come up with what every single cult leader you've ever heard about has come up with when it comes to sexuality think about all the new man-made religions in our lifetime all the cults what do they all have in common in every single cult that we're familiar with some guy came up with a sexual twist that allowed him to have sex with multiple women and women became a commodity when men manufacture religion women are mati it was true in pagan times and it's true in modern times and yet Moses came down with the law of God and he said here's God's law it's one man and one woman for life then Jesus echoed it in the most extreme terms it's one man it's one woman for life and then the Apostle Paul goes into the the city of Corinth it was a pagan City full of Greek thinking and Roman thinking people they weren't Jewish at all he went into the city of Ephesus the city of Philippi and he looked at the way that these brand-new Christians and these non-christians were managing sexuality he thought to himself wow no one told him no one told him and he brought this teaching on sex that was not religious because religion and both of those cultures and even in modern cultures even in our modern world religion is not against sex outside of marriage but God perhaps God looked at this sin filled broken world and said somebody's got to tell him that's not what I designed it for that's not how I designed it and so the Apostle Paul in the city of Corinth full of temple prostitution says to this little tiny ekklesia this little gathering of Christians he says look I gotta explain to you and this may be painful but I've got to explain to you what God had in mind when he introduced to the world this powerful but fragile thing we call sexuality so with that in mind he's not the narrow-minded religious guy he's the guy that's bringing truth into a broken world here's what the Apostle Paul says he says to hit this group of people in Corinth he says flee sexual immorality don't resist it don't try to manage through it flee from it and in Chapter 7 of first Corinthians he defines sexual immorality as sex outside of marriage he says flee sexual immorality and then this next phrase is absolutely brilliantly insightful listen to what comes next flee from sexual immorality all other sins all other sins every other category of sin people commit this is unbelievable he's about to tell us what we just discovered through those questions I asked he's about to tell us from 2000 years ago what we what we know intuitively when we really think about this subject what he's about to say from 2000 years ago is this that sexual sin is like no other sin not because God hates it more not because God will judge you harshly not because it'll send you to hell not because God won't like you not because God won't forgive you not because God will condemn you forever that sexual sin is like no other sin because the depth to which it injures the offender and in many cases be offended from 2000 years ago Paul tells us all other sins people commit are outside their bodies but those who sin sexually it's a category all of its own those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies here's what he's saying and what would we expect God who loves us to say Paul says here's the problem when you sin sexually you hurt yourself when you sin sexually you hurt yourself and not only do you hurt yourself you hurt yourself at the deepest level imaginable you hurt yourself at a level that in some cases it will carry with you throughout your entire lives that this powerful yet fragile thing that can be so extraordinarily dynamic and so extraordinarily bonding within marriage that if you break the rules it has the same power to turn your life up side down and there's no category of sin like sexual sin when it comes to the ongoing consequences in a person's life and then he says this because again it was a culture that didn't know like we don't know do you not know this is a couple verses earlier do you not know and then he he uses a word that shocked his audience as it should shock us do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her and body now let me tell you how the Corinthian readers took this verse when they read this do you not know that he who unites himself with they looked at the word unites this little Greek word and went wait a minute nobody's uniting we're just having sex little this little Greek words you've used here Paul this means like glue like super glue like permanent like bonding like intertwine like scratch eggs like eggs and grit like can't be sorted out like permanent and when I went down to the to the temple to have sex with a prostitute I wasn't uniting with anybody it was just a physical one-time thing I you know I paid her a fee you know we had this war religious ceremony you know how little private thing and I'm back nobody's uniting with anybody and possibly the one that's because you don't understand sex that when you have sex with a person there is a sense of permanence you become one with that person I won I don't even know his name again it was Spring Break I wouldn't trying to become one I was just kind of doing what my girlfriend's did and I had no policy that that's the thing you don't know nobody told you it's not just physical it's this deep and it's a soulish and it's as personal as anything imaginable and God designed it that way and you were designed to become one with one and when you continue to become one with person after person after person you damaged your intimacy factor you damaged your ability to experience what God intended for you to experience you disconnect sex from what it was intended for in ladies ladies women over time you'll become numb you'll become numb and you'll wonder why your husband can't awaken and this thing in you that you expected and you wonder what's wrong with him and it may be that you've damaged something that's so fragile it it may take a while it may take a long time it may take a lifetime to repair single people you can skip that and that's why I'm taking the time to talk about this and then he goes all the way back to the book of Genesis to substantiate what he says he says this for it is said and he goes back to Genesis the first time sex is mentioned in the Bible the first time it's described for it is said as in Moses wrote that God said for the two will become one flesh and there's our intimacy word that's what sex is about it's about two individuals becoming one a one that can't be done one you say no Eddie this is like so extreme I mean I'm like you know this is you're just making a big deal out of nothing I I understand you feel that way and I understand the pushback and I may not be able to answer all of your arguments but here's what I bet you know in your heart it's not just physical it's not just physical there's something more and the one who knows what's more is your heavenly father who said to Moses who said through Jesus who said through Paul what no ordinary man would ever say or commit to writing the sex is not just physical it is as connected to your soul in your personhood is anything else imaginable now Paul goes on and he addresses the Christians in his audience so if you're a Christian this is this is this is directly to you here's what he says do you not know there's that again because they didn't know either do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit no I did not know that I thought my body was my body and that God lived in heaven and like I did what I want to with my body then I come to church and ask for forgiveness and go do what I want to with my body's going no no no no did no one tell you did your mama not send you down if you're a Christian you're inhabited your body is inhabited by the Holy Spirit who is in you from whom you have received you have received from God in other words the Holy Spirit lives in you and then he says this you are not your own your your body is not your body if you're a Christian all of you belongs to God because you have been bought purchased redeemed at a price and so here's his conclusion here's his application therefore I honor God with your bodies honor God do you want to know how to manage your sexuality your sexual behavior here's the standard you honor God with it you ask God God how best is a single how best is a teenager how best is a fraternity or sorority sister how best is a single person and it just came to come to Atlanta how best is somebody who just went through a tough divorce how best for somebody who just moved to Atlanta and it's just totally and you know surrounded by people who just don't get this at all how best do I honor you with my body specifically in this context how do I honor you my sexuality and my sexual behavior now I realize this teaching runs up against some pretty hot you know there's some pretty sophisticated sometimes it's some pretty hard held cultural beliefs and I want to talk about two of them real quick one of them is that well Andy that's that's good for you but this is not good for me that's good for church people that's not good for me that's good for Christians that's good for me because sex and sexual behavior is a preference and here's let me just throw something out for you to think about it's not really preference and here's how you can know it's not preference because the outcome and the consequences are predictable if it was just a preference then the outcome and the consequences wouldn't be predictable it'd be like I like this kind of art you like that kind of art I like this kind of food you like that kind of food I like this kind of music you like that kind of music that's the preference there's no outcome there's no consequence it's more like nutrition you may prefer to eat fatty foods and starches and sugars but there's a predictable outcome you may prefer to eat fruits and vegetables and lay off the red meat and there's a predictable outcome you may prefer one of the other but the outcome is predictable because of design so here's what I want you to understand sex is not just a matter of preference it is a matter of divine design God made it God made it a certain way and God made it to work a certain way and this is why there are consequences if you don't pay attention the other big myth and I hate to even say this in church honestly but I thought we're gonna talk about it we should just talk about it so here's the other myth and singles surely don't believe this the practice makes perfect are you kidding like the more sexual partners you have the better you'll be at sex and then you when you get married you'll both have practiced so much it's like wow this is awesome I'm so glad you practiced well I'm so glad you practice too aren't we good at this maybe we could enter a contest maybe like it's it's like a sport and we're gonna like we're gonna win a trophy because we're so good are you kidding now I I know that sounds ridiculous but let me tell you what some of you thought some of you have thought I need to know something about this and I need to get pretty good at this so I don't look stupid let me give you some 22 year married advice look stupid look stupid even if you have to fake it look but okay listen this is important I'd and I'm just gonna say what I just thought everybody knew it's not like learning to play the violin if you want to learn to play the violin you have to practice did you know you will be able to figure out sex without a single lesson you will be able to figure out sex without a single practice session you're gonna be able to figure out and here's the truth that nobody wants to talk about in our culture's single people romance and marriage is fueled by exclusivity romance and marriage is fueled by exclusivity not a skill that you've developed you know what exclusivity is it's like I have waited for you and you've waited for me we will figure this out together exclusivity says I only have eyes for you exclusivity said I've been praying for you and waiting for you before at a face or a name to associate with you exclusivity is I'm able to give all of me to all of you that fuels romance and marriage not a skillset not practice not experience that's just a lie that just gives you and your partner something to compare each other to and I'm telling you on the other side if I do that is not an advantage because romance is fueled even long-term people have been married for years fueled by exclusivity you know what fuels romance is when your husband goes on a business trip and you don't worry you know his history before he married you and you're assuming it's a continuation of his history after he married you that when your wife doesn't call and she's off with her girlfriends you don't worry because you know her history before she married you and you assume it's a continuation of her history after she married you it's that exclusivity that builds and fuels romance in a marriage and that's why and if that's true what would you expect God to say to you about sex have as much as you can then when you get married flip with magic switch and suddenly be committed to one person is that even possible is it no wonder that people are so unfulfilled sexually in their marriage when they have messed with the intimacy factor of their sexuality before they said I do now I know that a message like this lands and a lot of different places lots of guilt lots of regret lots of I wish somewhat so and so is here lots of I wish I'd heard this years ago a little bit of go preach it go for it this is what I've always believed I need some encouragement probably not a whole lot of that so here here's what I here's here's what I wanna do I want to give you if you're saying I want to give you two things to do okay the first one is this is you need to determine the story you want to tell let me this is what I know for sure about every single single person listening here's what I know at some point when you meet somebody you want to marry you'll have a story to tell you will have a story to tell I strongly suggest you determine the story you want to tell now and then live in such a way that you can tell that story because everybody has a story to tell and many people lie many many I cannot tell you the stories of people who were married they came to see me or a counselor a year six months and three months in two years in and they discovered their partner lied and the reason their partner lied they didn't like their story that they wrote and so what they couldn't even tell their story they were afraid they would lose their partner they would lose this opportunity if they were to tell their true story so they lie and then the story comes out it's a single people let's go ahead let's just let's decide now what story do you want to tell decide what story wanted help there's only a couple stories one is this well when I was in high school you know I don't Spring Break and lost my virginity which you don't really lose it mostly usually give it away but that's another story okay so I lost it then I was in college I was in sorority or fraternity then I moved in with this girl and then you know sex has sort of been a part of all my relationships but now I really really love you and I'm really ready to commit and I'm gonna turn over a new leaf and I'm committing all of me to you that's a story here's a better one when I was in high school when I was in college you know I kind of fooled around it know any better I'd my parents never told me not to sex but you know before I was you know we met and that I moved in and I had on stuff then one Sunday I went to this ridiculous church I don't remember the name of it or the guys speaking other than he talked too fast most of the time and I'm sitting there and I heard stuff I'd never heard before and while I was sitting there there were something inside of me that kind of welled up it took me a little bit I surprised and I realized that's true and that's what God wants for me and that day I decided my story was going to be a different story in spite of my past and my guilt in my sin that day I decided I want to learn to honor God with my body and I signed up that day into my heart from this point forward it's difficult it's gonna be as strange as it's going to be as dateless and as quiet and as lonely as it's gonna be I want to honor God with my body specifically in the area of my sexuality and that day you'll be able to say to your future spouse you ready for this I'm telling you this is a good story that day you'll be able to say from that day forward I prepared for you from that day forward I saved and reserved myself my affection my love of my body for you from that day forward I dated with you in mine and as I have learned to honor God with my body before I say I do to you I am ready to honor God with my body once we say I do and as I learned to practice self-control before I said I do to you I am ready to practice self-control after I say I have been from that moment on preparing for you now single people that a good story and let me tell you what I know about you that's the story you want to hear it so if you're gonna become the person the person you're looking for is looking for choose a good story live it out second thing you got to do is you're gonna have to decide ahead of time what honoring God with your body looks like as a fraternity brother this is a sorority sister as a single in this city as a high school senior or junior as a part of a group of people who don't care anything about this you've got us decide ahead of time and you know what it's like it's like budgeting you know budgeting is budgeting is looking what you got and deciding what you're gonna do with it you pre decide so when you go shop and you see something you want you say you know what I've art I pre decided that I'm not going to buy that it's not in my budget you need a sexual budget you need a body budget you need to decide ahead of time what will I not do and what will I spend and not spend with my body when it comes to relationships you need to pre decide and when the temptation comes along you say oh I already decided I don't do and I'll go there I don't do with those kind of people I don't spend the night I don't sleep over I I pre-decided and when you pre decide your pre deciding something about your future and there's a big and as big a sacrifice as that might feel like now this is my last slide listen this is huge giving up something now for something better later it's not a sacrifice it's a what single people when you decide to set sexual and moral standards every time you apply those standards listen to me you are investing in a future relationship everything every single time you say no you're saying yes every single time you say no you're saying this every teen single time you feel like you're making a sacrifice you're making an investment in whose future your future because when you sin sexually as Paul said you sin against yourself but when you ascribe to God's moral values for you you invest in your own future and your own relationship because at the end of the day sex is not just physical now last week when I finished talking to the guys I gave you the one year challenge remember you know don't date for a year and kind of renew your mind and kind of get your head around all this stuff and I told you that through the years I've been issuing that challenge to lots of people and I told you that people come up to me every once in a while and say hey Andy back in 2000 whatever 19 whatever you you issued that challenge well Thursday night Thursday night I was in Dallas and I get an email from Sandra that had been forwarded to her through somebody she connected with Facebook and said hey I want Andy to know my story and she sent me this long this young lady sent me this letter I read it and I just wept I don't mean I got teary-eyed I meant I had to stop and just weep and I think part of the reason I cried so hard was joy for her but I think it just rebrova heart for this generation who's being robbed of what can be so extraordinarily powerful so I thought well I want to read this letter at the end of the message every time I read it I would just weep so I thought I'll never get through the I can't do it so here's how I'd like for us to close our service I've asked them to scroll through the letter so you can read it and then you'll hear a female voice read this letter to you it's a story of redemption I want it to be a story of hope for many of you that may at this point in the message feel like what is there for me and I feel so condemned and I feel so behind I this is this is a message of hope for you and then I'm gonna ask you at the end of this the time that we read the letter or listen to letter I'm gonna ask you not to leave even though that's your cue for some of you to get to the parking lot quick if you'll just bear with us okay and we're gonna sing a song it's a song we've been saying for a while and I want you not to distract anyone around you as maybe a handful of you come to grips with what God would have for you as it relates to your sexuality and your body and there's a line in the song and when we get there I just I wish somehow I could take the statement and just drive it into your heart and it says this I don't I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way he loves and I don't have time to hang around Saul can swim around I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that he loves because the message today is not a message of condemnation it's a message that God loves you so much he has spoken into this area and he's willing to redeem you from your past and redeem you from your sin and he's waiting for you to run in his direction make some difficult decisions and then trust him trust him trust him trust him trust him and when you're tempted to just swim around and wallow in your past you just remember I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the future when I think about the way my Heavenly Father loves me so listen to this and then we'll stand and we'll sing together in just a minute hey Andy I assume you get a lot of these emails but after listening to the first two weeks of this series I just couldn't ignore God pressing it on my heart to send this like many I grew up in a broken home and at the age of five my mother moved us 600 miles away from my father when I was 12 years old I got the talk from my mother and while I do recall her encouraging me to wait until I found someone I loved there was no encouragement to save sex until marriage all I knew about sex was what my friends were doing and this knowledge took me into my high-school years with a constant state of numbness giving myself away to every boyfriend I had during my first year of college I began surrounding myself with different people my new friends and I started attending buckhead church and it became a routine for me to listen to messages online one night I found myself sitting in my dorm room listening to the twisted category of one talk I wasn't remotely prepared for what I was about to hear I can remember everything about that night it was a moment of truth in my life and my largest milestone to this day I was in tears writing notes like a madman I was slapped in the face with the truth about sex and the shallowness of my relationship with God was revealed I finally realized the connection between my experience with sex and my life of numbness my intimacy factor was gone everything became real when you gave the one year challenge I had no idea how I was going to do that but I printed out my notes grabbed a pen and wrote November 6 2007 no dating for one year no sex until marriage and then I signed it the very next day I wrote in my journal I made it one day God it was the most challenging thing I had ever been faced with there were so many guys floating around in my life I had to cancel my text messaging and slowly I began to feel sensitivity to my sin just one month after stepping up to the plate with God I already began to feel him work in my heart a few months later an old high school acquaintance contacted me through Facebook he was currently working as a youth minister and noticed through my online bio that I had changed he asked to hear my story and I told him about my November 6 commitment he became someone who spoke truth into what God was showing me and helped me with the messes I was still up in with complete purity and altruism in his heart he led me closer to God when November 6 rolled around he asked to take me on a date I went but after our date I told him I just wanted to be friends for months past as well as a few dates with other guys and we ran into each other again I was so excited to see him I had thought a lot about the lack of substance in the previous dates I had been on we continued to talk and I slowly saw it all come together I saw the beauty of what God wanted to do through our lives he was a virgin and had made the commitment when he was young to stay pure until marriage I felt unworthy of that he had a lifestyle that I desired but didn't feel deserving of and yet he wanted to bring me with him I saw Jesus in him I was precious to him it was in April 2009 and a year and five months after my purity commitment that I saw God's plan unfolding and we began dating our love story continued on for a little over a year and in July 2010 he asked me to marry him our relationship is founded on friendship and faith and I felt God's confirmation we set our marriage date exactly three years after God changed my life Saturday November 6 2010 we just celebrated six months of marriage and I'm in tears thinking of what we have been through if it wasn't for the year thing and all God changed in my heart not only would I be incapable of loving him the way he deserves to be loved I probably wouldn't have him at all we are so thankful to God for calling us into bigger stories and the ones we would have written for ourselves thanks for listening [Music] he is jealous of me loves like a hurry I am tree windy the weight of his wind merci [Music] when all of a sudden I'll unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful you are and I'll greet your or me how he loves us he loves [Music] he loves [Music] he is up drawn to redemption by the grease in his eyes is Grace [Music] all sinking [Music] and heaven nice you sloppy [Music] [Music] he'll [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you see [Music] Heavenly Father please give us the wisdom to know what to do is we just heard and father thank you that regardless in spite of instead of you love us and you wuis with your love and father I pray for our generation I pray for this generation of teenagers this generation of college students and generation of single adults would you please raise up a new generation that trusts you with this area of their life in spite of what culture says and in that way bring hope and life and a freshness to our country maybe our world thank you for your love thank you for your grace thank you for forgiveness thanks for this story in Jesus name Amen have a great rest of your day we'll see you next week for part 4 of the new rules for love sex [Applause]

Channel: North Point Care

Views: 26,161

Rating: 4.8305087 out of 5

Keywords: care network, north point community church, woodstock church, buckhead church, Gwinnett church, decatur city church, brownsbridge church, help, struggling, challenges, pain, relationships, transition, change, ministry resources, resources, training, counseling, love, sex, dating

Id: d2IK5Wh8DrU

Length: 50min 20sec (3020 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 20 2017