- Hey, today we're kicking
off our brand new series that I'm super excited about. Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks. And as we jump into
this real quick, I wanna tell you
who this is for, this is for students
who want to date and hope to date,
this is for graduates who wanna date and hope to date, this is for singles
who are dating, this is for married
people who are trying to make their marriages better. This is for people who
used to be married, and are jumping back into
the scary, awful aquarium of dating where it just
seems so complicated, and it's not like it
was when you were 18 and you're trying
to figure that out. So this series is
really for anybody who's in a romantic
relationship, wants to be in a
romantic relationship, hopes to be, and is
trying to figure it out. And the thing is, I don't
have to tell you this, it's complicated. It's complicated when you're 13, it's complicated when you're 16, it's complicated when
you're 26, 36, or 56, and one of the reasons
that I'm super excited about this series as well, is this series gives
me an opportunity to talk about something
that breaks my heart. And you know, a few years
ago, I challenged you, I said hey what
breaks your heart, because sometimes when
people answer the question what breaks my heart, it leads to
extraordinary change, and extraordinary
things and culture, and one of the things
that breaks my heart has to do with what
we're gonna talk about. Because watching people
make relationship decisions that undermine
their relationships, that just breaks my heart. I mean watching
people make decisions about their own relationships, whether it's marriage or dating, or whatever it might be, that I know, and I'm
not super dialed in, I mean most people
would watch them and think oh no,
you're gonna do what? Watching people make
what's already complicated more complicated, what
making relationships that are already complicated
more complicated, that just breaks my heart. There is already
enough in this truth, there's enough unavoidable
pain in the world. The last thing we need
to do is to add to it with our own decisions,
and like you, it's not just me,
sometimes I watch people and I think have you
thought that through, I mean, have you really
thought that through or have you, come on, have you
really ever seen that workout anywhere else with anybody else, I mean have you ever,
it works out on Netflix, but in the real world
have you ever seen that actually work out in
a real relationship? Right, you've had these
same thoughts, or, I think has no one
warned you about this, I mean did your mamma not
warn your or grandmama or your dad or a
friend or a roommate, I mean am I the only one
trying to get in your way to say hey you need
to think this through. And so it breaks my heart
to see people unnecessarily complicate their
future relationships with current relationships
or to complicate a current relationship with just a bad relationship decision. And I'll tell you who
else I'm excited about to be apart of this series are those of you that
are dating and you're kind of serial daters, in fact you don't even
like the word date, for you if a date
doesn't end with sex you don't even, you just
chalk it up to a loss, you're just in that place
where you're like, you know, one day someday I'm
gonna settle down, but that's one day
someday, it's not this day. In fact, you don't even
really call it dates, that's something
your parents did, it's kind of a dark ages thing. But you're in a season of life and you're not ashamed of it, you're not bashful about it, it's just this is
just where you are, or it's kind of a
use em and lose em, kind of rotate through and
you're not always honest and you don't always
follow through, and yeah, yeah I'll
call you, I'll text you, and you never do,
and hey, is it okay, yeah, you go ahead but then
you're just in that world where you're just kind
of playing the game, and that's your business
cause it's your life but I just gotta tell
you, and I mean I care, but that's
heartbreaking to me too. And the reason it's
heartbreaking to me, and you don't have
to believe this is you're hurting you, and
you're hurting somebody else. And here's what I know about you even though we've never met, you don't wanna hurt yourself. And you don't wanna
hurt other people. In fact if I were
to confront you you would say no, no,
no, no, it's consensual, I'm not hurting anybody. But you know there's such
thing as consensual hurt, like we're gonna both
agree to hurt each other. I mean it's consensual,
but if it's consensual and it still hurts
the person, come on, it just still hurts the person. And you don't wanna do that. And here's the other
thing that concerns me about you if that's the
season of life you're in, I don't want you to be, and I made this up, so I don't know if this
is like a real thing, I don't want you to
be a liar for life. I don't want you to
be a liar for life when it comes time
to tell your story. Because what your
doing right now morally and what you're doing
right now relationally, these are chapters
of your story, and they are permanent
parts of your story. And one day believe
it or not somebody's gonna wanna hear your story and you're gonna wanna
hear somebody else's story, and depending on
what you do now, you're gonna be tempted to
lie about parts of your story. And you're gonna
be a liar for life because you're
gonna have a secret or you're gonna have
a series of secrets or a season of life you
don't wanna talk about, and when it gets to that season you're gonna kind of, you know,
smooze over it a little bit. And I've talked to
too many women, guys, who married a guy and he
told about half the story, and a year later she
found out the whole story, or 15 years later she found
out the rest of the story, and she's broken, and
she's heart broken because she didn't get
a chance to choose you with your whole story because
you lied about your story and the reason you
lied about your story, just to use an old
fashioned word is, you're ashamed of your story, you're embarrassed
by your story. And here's the thing,
I'm not getting on you, I don't want you to write
an embarrassing story. I don't want you to write a
story you're embarrassed about. I want you to
write a good story. I want you to be in Walmart
one day with your wife and you see that guy you
used to date, ladies, and you don't say hey let's
check out the toy isle. We don't even have any kids. I know, but I think we
should check out the toy isle for just a moment, you know? I want you to say
hey, I want you to, and hey, this is my husband,
and then when you walk off, you say, yeah, I used
to date him in college, he was a great guy. Yeah, we dated a little
bit in high school, she was just a fantastic
person, didn't work out, but she was just great. That's a good story. I want you to
write a good story, and let me tell you
another good story, another good story is this. Hey, when I was in my
20s, I fooled around and I played around, but on this particular date
and this particular year, when I was this particular age, I decided to move in
a different direction, and since that time
I've lived differently, I've lived in a
different direction. Yeah, when I was 45, I went
through a terrible divorce, and after the divorce I
went a little bit crazy, me and the girls, I mean,
we just went kind of crazy, with me and my girlfriends, but then you know what,
I said, wait a minute, that's not the story
I want to tell, and on this particular date, at this particular
time I changed the
direction of my life, I began to live and decide
in a different direction, that's a better story to tell. And you're writing the
story of your life, and it's going with you, and I don't want you
to be a liar for life because of decisions
you make now. Because that breaks
somebody's heart. And I don't want you to be
somebody else's regret, right? When they tell their story,
when your name comes up, I want them to say good
things about you, don't you? And let's face it,
when your name comes up they're gonna say
something about you. You know they will
because you say something about the people in your past. And your deciding what
they're gonna say, and I don't want you to
be somebody's regret. I want you to be
somebody's oh yeah, I'm sorry it didn't work out
but he was such a great guy, she was so great,
and her family, and she was, isn't that what
you want said about you? And guys, I don't want
you to be a hypocrite. I, and here's what
I mean by that. If someone did unto your sister as you do unto the
girls you date, you may want to do
something unto them. If someone did unto your
niece or your single mom as you do unto the
girls you date, you may want to do
something unto them. I don't want you
to be a hypocrite. I don't want you to expect
one thing for the people you love and treat
women different than you would want a man to
treat the women that you love. I just don't want you
to be a hypocrite. Here's what I know about you,
you don't like hypocrites. It's one of the reasons
you don't go to church, church is full of hypocrites, so maybe you're right,
don't join us, okay? Right? I mean don't let
there be duplicity, don't live a double life, don't
live with a double standard because ultimately that
hurts you and that hurts other people and that just
kind of breaks my heart because it sets
you up for trouble that you don't
need in the future. Ladies, and I don't like
to really talk to ladies, I've never been one. Okay, so I realize, as soon
as I move in this direction I step out on very thin ice, so I'll just kind of put out
there, and head back stage, but ladies, I don't want you
to be treated like a commodity. Let me say it the harsher way. I don't want you
to allow yourself to be treated like a commodity. And many times
it's your decision, and you know what
a commodity is, a commodity is something
that's bought and sold and traded, and sometimes
eventually just discarded. And maybe depending on your life and culture and the way you've
managed your relationships maybe you've started to feel
a little bit like a commodity. I don't want you
to feel that way. I want you to feel like someone
who has extraordinary value and extraordinary worth, not just based on what
God says about you, but based on the way
that men treat you. And men I want you,
this is kind of an old fashioned word too, I
want you to step up, I want you to be gentlemen. See, gentlemen,
gentlemen is powerful, See, gentlemen,
gentlemen is powerful, self control is powerful,
differing to the wishes of another person is powerful. Kindness is powerful. Grace and mercy is powerful. And ladies don't you wish
there were more gentlemen? And ladies I wish you would
do whatever you have to do, whatever's in your
control to decide I am no longer going to allow
myself to be mistreated, because that just hurts you. If you get accustomed
to being mistreated, eventually you'll begin to
define yourself that way. And I realize that
these values clash, and I realize that
in our culture it's very difficult to think
that it'll ever be different than it currently is, but this series is
about helping you begin to think differently about
yourself and about your future. Now there are two myths
that kind of drive all this confusion relationally, especially when it
comes to how we manage our sexuality, and how we
do dating and relationships, and even within the
context of marriage, and like most myths, once you
surface a myth and look at it, you realize well
that's just ridiculous. But these two myths
actually kind of sit in the under current of our
thinking and our assumptions about relationships. In fact, they are really
unexplored assumptions. And in any area of life,
financially, business, whatever you might do, whenever there's an
unexplored assumption it's a very dangerous thing because an unexplored assumption
will inform your decisions, but you don't know what's
informing your decisions, and you make bad decisions. And these two relational
myths inform so many of the decisions in our culture, and honestly everything our
culture fuels these myths, but as soon as I state them
you're gonna go oh yeah that's ridiculous,
that's not true, but here's my
challenge to you today as we start this series, these two myths, these
two myths for many of us actually drive our
relationship decisions. The first one is this,
you may have heard me talk about it before. I just call it the
right person myth. The right person
myth is not that there's not a right
person for you. The right person myth is this, that once you meet
the right person everything will be all right. And all the married
people grumble and go yeah that ain't
true, that ain't true. Cause I met him, it's not true. Right, right. The myth is that once
you meet the right person everything's just
gonna be all right regardless of what you
do between now and then. The myth is this, I can
play, I can play around, I can do whatever I want, I
can treat guys the way I want, girls the way I want, I can
just do whatever I want, but when I meet
the right person, everything's gonna change,
the past disappears. So you think your problem is
you just haven't met them yet. Or you met them and
moved in with them, or you met them and
you married them, but now things aren't
all right anymore. And you are slowly
coming to the conclusion that you must have chosen
the wrong right person. And now you are looking out for, you are looking for who? You're looking for
the next right person. And when I say it that
way it sounds ridiculous, but let's be honest. This way of thinking fuels
our relationship decisions, and oftentimes it
informs the direction that we take when it
comes to relationships, that I'm unhappy cause
I'm with the wrong person. You're happy because you're
with the wrong person, so you just need to
find the right person then everything's
gonna be all right. That is a myth, that
once you find them, once you find them everything's going to be just fine, right? In fact, not only is
everything going to be fine, here's the deeper
part of the myth, the assumption is that once
you find the right person everything's gonna be
fine including you, that you think somehow
you're gonna quit all those bad habits, you're
not gonna be interested in porn anymore once you meet
the right person, right guys? That your insecurity's
just gonna go away, your financial, you know, bad
habits are just gonna go away cause you're gonna find
somebody with a little coin and he's gonna kind of
help you manage all that, and it's just gonna get better, if I could just meet
the right person, not only is everything
gonna be all right, I'm gonna be all right, I'm
gonna be a better person. I love the line in
Casey Musgrave's song, thinking we will be
fixed by someone else. Thinking we'll be
fixed by someone else. Oftentimes this fuels
this crazy myth. And this idea, as
crazy as it is, and even on the surface you're
like yeah that is crazy, this idea it infects
our decisions, and it fuels our fantasies. And here's what I mean
by fuels our fantasies. When you think about the future, as you begin to day
dream about what if, and if only, and if only
I had stuck with her, and if only I had married him, and if only and
next time, if only, what fuels your
fantasies is this, not becoming a better person, what fuels your fantasies
is finding the right person, and it is a myth. Because as you know,
there is more, right? You're adults. There's more. There's more to a satisfying
relationship than finding or even being found. We just don't hear
much about this, this does not make great film. This does not make
great television series. This doesn't make, you
know, great reality TV. What great reality TV
and what makes great film is people falling in love. That's what's the
whole movie's about, they finally find each other, you know they're
supposed to be together, it takes an hour and 45 minutes for them to figure it out, and then they figure it out, and they're together,
and then what happens, the movie's over. We love being entertained
by people falling in love. But here's what we know
about people falling in love because we're adults, falling in love
requires a pulse. Falling in love require a pulse. If you have a pulse
you can fall in love. Staying in love
requires so much more, and this series is
about the so much more. But of course, we're
not entertained by the so much mores, nobody follows, it's just kind of the way it is, the second myth I
call the promise myth. There's the right person
myth and the promise myth. This myth maintains that
basically when it comes to satisfying, you know,
long term relationships, that all we need to
do is make a promise that when it comes
to relationships, a promise actually replaces
the need for preparation, that a promise replaces
the need for preparation, that you can commit,
promise, or vow your way into a healthy, satisfying, mutually satisfying
relationship. That you can vow or
promise or commit your way into a successful future,
which is ridiculous, and that everything
that came before can be overcome with two things, a promise and a party. A promise and a party. You're gonna stand at an
alter and make a promise, then you're gonna
have a big party, the past disappears, you're
gonna be a brand new person, a completely different
kind of person, and you can promise or
commit or vow your way into the future, and your
spouse, your fiancee, can promise, or commit,
or vow his or her way into the future as well. But promise, as you
know this, right, again, you surface these
myths, it's like yeah, that can't be true, promises
are never a substitute for preparation, right? We know this in every
other arena of life except relationships. We know this in academics, you can't promise
yourself to a degree, you have to study. In sports, business,
medicine, discovery, business preparation,
preparation for a presentation, I mean in every
single arena of life, we know that in order to
win you have to prepare. I mean, no college
basketball coach, or no college football
coach would substitute promises for practices, right? Come on into the locker room, we're just gonna promise
each other we're gonna win. They wouldn't even
substitute, right, they wouldn't even substitute,
you know, you know, emotionally, passionate pep
talks in the locker room for practice, because
practice is how you win games. Every coach knows you
don't promise to win games, what do you do? You have to prepare to win, and this is true in
your relationships. But who teaches us to prepare, who prepares us
for relationships? Nobody. Every single day we're told
if you just fall in love with the right person
everything's gonna be all right, and it's a myth, in
fact rationally you
know it's not true, and the whole idea that
you don't have to prepare for something to
win in something, you know that's not true. Which means, and this
is kind of tough to say, that when it comes
to relationships, commitment, commitment
is way overrated. commitment, commitment
is way overrated. Let me put it this way. I do, doesn't mean you can. Saying, in fact, you know
this because you have been to weddings, haven't you? You've been to weddings, you
sat sort of toward the back, and they got up there,
and I love you forever and ever, you're my sweetest,
and they wrote their own vows, and they got lyrics
to songs in there, and music's playing and you're
sitting in the back going, take luck. You know, I just, good luck, what are
the odds of this? I mean, you're not
trying to be negative, you don't wanna be negative. Here's what you
know intuitively, you know they're not prepared. They're not prepared because they
haven't been honest, they're not prepared
because they haven't dealt with their bad habits. They're not prepared
because they're immature. I mean there's a lot of reasons, a lot of it beyond
their control. You just kind of know, the
odds of them making it, I mean they mean well,
it was a great party, oh my goodness, you know, and
their vows were beautiful, but come on, we're adults, you don't vow your way into a successful future
relationally. You have to prepare. Listen, especially if
you've never been married, saying I do does not
make you capable. Saying I do makes
you accountable. Saying I do doesn't
make you capable, it makes you accountable. And here's the bad news,
when you're accountable, but not capable,
you're miserable. When your accountable,
uh oh I'm stuck in this, but uh oh, I don't know
what to do with this, and I don't know how
to make it better, you're just miserable. So here's a brilliant statement, I mean it's amazing
my intellect. If you aren't preparing,
you won't be prepared. I probably need to explain that, I mean it's pretty deep,
let me go slow, right? I mean again, it's just
kind of common sense, but I'm telling
you, you know this, when it comes to relationships, common sense is not common. We just ignore all the
rules that we employ in every other arena of life. I want you to be prepared. And for those of you that
are in a relationship or you're married, I want
you to start preparing because you're in,
and yes you love her, and yes you love him, and
you have kids together, and you're wondering
can we fix this, of course you can, but
you don't fix it by just trying to, you know, do
what you did in the beginning and try to keep falling back
in love with each other. There's a way forward, and that's why we're
doing this series. Now, this is where the message
of Jesus just comes alive. Now, this is where the message
of Jesus just comes alive. This is, honestly, this
is where following Jesus makes all the difference,
right now in this world, in this life, in your
current relationship. You've heard me say so
many times following Jesus will make your life better, following Jesus will
make you better at life. Well following Jesus will
make your life better, and following Jesus will make
you better at relationships. It'll make you a
better boyfriend, a better girlfriend,
a better husband, a better wife, a better
parent, a better fiancee, a better future husband,
a better future wife, that following Jesus will
make you better at life. In fact, following Jesus
will make you better at life before you
come to the conclusion as to whether or not
you believe Jesus is the son of God,
because Jesus left us with one relational principle
that is so extraordinarily powerful, so defining, it's
kind of the driving force behind everything else
that we're gonna say throughout this series, because whereas the
teachings of Jesus won't help you find
the right person, primarily because people
had arranged marriages back when Jesus came along, and by the time they were
13 it was all said and done, it was all buttoned up and
you didn't have much choice, but following Jesus,
this is the game changer, following Jesus will help
you become the person. It's why every once
in a while maybe you've had this experience, you
meet someone from your past, you knew them in high school,
you knew them in college, you knew them in
graduate school, you knew them at a
previous job maybe, and years go by, and
you run back into them, and they're different, and
they're good different, I mean they're kind of
cleaned up and buttoned up and their eyes are clear, and there's happiness
on their face, they seem to have
their life together, and you start asking
questions and you discover they became a Jesus follower. And they're different. They didn't meet somebody new, they became somebody new. It's why when sometimes when
you meet people from the past it's like you became
a different person. Following Jesus will help
you become the kind of person that the person you're
looking for is looking for. Following Jesus
will help you become the kind of person that the
person who is hoping for was hoping for. Following Jesus will
help you become. Years ago when I first
began putting together this material, the first time
I present it to many of you about 10 years ago, it's
been almost 10 years, it's hard to believe. I had some conversations
with some 20 year olds in our organization, and, a young lady shared a story, she said I was at home,
my mom was ironing, I was sitting on the bed, and I was going on and
on and on and on and on about this guy I had
met at this party, and he was incredible,
and his job, and he was good
looking and she said, and she said, I was telling
her that he was a Christian, and that he was like mom,
mom, I mean he's like your kind of
Christian mom, like, he's the real deal Christian,
like he doesn't just talk it, but he was talking about
Jesus at this party and I could tell
his faith was real, and she was going on
and on about this guy, he was just incredible. And she said her
mom stopped ironing and set the iron on the ironing
board and looked at her, and she said honey,
the problem is, a guy like that is not
looking for a girl like you. And she said I literally
fell to the floor and began to weep,
this was years ago. And that was the defining,
turning moment in her life when she realized that's right. My whole approach to
relationships has been I'm going to find someone. It never crossed my mind I
needed to become someone. My whole approach, every
message I've gotten from culture is if I can find
the right person everything will become,
everything will be all right. It never dawned on me that
I need to become the kind of person that the
person I'm dreaming of, hoping for, is
actually looking for. Which brings us to this
question, for all of us, married, single, students,
graduates, whatever season of life you're in. Are you the person? Are you the person you're
looking for is looking for? Are you just looking
or are you becoming, and Jesus says follow
me you'll become. If you're married,
here's your version. Are you still the person, are you still the person
they were looking for? Are you still the person
they were hoping for? Or have you allowed
life and kids and money and stuff and
busyness and business to get in the way of
what you were becoming, of the person he
or she believed she was entering a
relationship with. So Jesus steps into
the pages of history, we don't have time,
but we can't even begin to imagine the culture
he stepped into. Prostitution was a way of life. Prostitution was birth
control for the Romans and the Greeks because
they didn't want to keep adding kids to their
family and dividing the money. I mean the world that they
stepped into is unimaginable and in spite of that Jesus
introduces as brand new relational paradigm. A brand new relational paradigm
that was a game changer beginning in the first century, and eventually got the
attention of the Roman world and became central
in the life of Rome, and since then has
circled the globe. A relational paradigm
that is simple, it's compelling, it's demanding, of course it is, and
it's also rewarding. And here's the coolest thing
if you're not a Christian. When understood correctly,
and unfortunately the churches made this more
complicated than it needs to be, but when understood correctly, Jesus relational
paradigm is so powerful that you're going to want the
message of Jesus to be true even before you
believe it's true. Because it's almost
too good to be true. In fact, it is too
good to be true unless Jesus is who
Jesus claimed he was. And there's no reason
for us to believe he was who he claimed he was
except for one simple event, his resurrection that
changed everything and put everything, and reframed
everything that he taught. So toward the end
of his ministry, Jesus is gathered with is guys, and he's gonna kind
of give him sort of, this is part of
that last minute, you know, if you
forget everything else, remember this pep talk, and these words I'm
about to read to you, that Jesus said, they
didn't even understand what he was talking about. They could not understand this
until after the resurrection. And as complex as it seems
to us, because we live in a different world,
his words were so clear, and they're specific. And at the end of this passage,
as I walk you through it, he gives us kind of
our marching orders, he gives us kind of North
Star by which we should guide all of our relationships, and then we're gonna
come back next week, and kind of tease it out, and look at the details. Here's what he said, and he
begins with an illustration that they were
totally dialed into, that we're
immediately like, huh? Here's what he said. He said I am the true
vine, I'm like a vine, and my father, God,
is the gardener. Now whenever Jesus
told a parable, there's a God part,
there's a Jesus part, and there's an us part, he says okay guys, here's
how I want you to think about your relationship with me, I'm like a vine, now, they
understood grape vines, they totally got
it, I'm the vine, and my heavenly father
is the gardener, the one that's tending the vine, he, God, cuts off every
branch that's plugged into me, the vine, that
doesn't bear any fruit, why? Because the goal of Jesus
and the goal of this whole conversation is to
explain how people get connected to Jesus and Jesus bears
fruit through them. While, he says, while every
branch that does bear fruit, he prunes it, why? So there will be more fruit. So the goal clearly is
some kind of fruit bearing, to which we say
what's the fruit, and he's gonna tell
us in just a minute. By the way, your life
is bearing fruit too. Everybody's life bears fruit. It's your reputation. It's the outcome
of your decisions. It's that story that
you like to tell and the story that you
don't like to tell. So the idea of our
lives having a wake of broken relationships
or healthy relationships, or debt, or financial
security, we all have a wake, we've all born
fruit in our life. And Jesus is talking about something that's
familiar, yet unfamiliar, because he's saying I
want you to allow me to bear fruit through you. So he says here's
what you gotta do, this is all
relationship language, remain in me, and I
also remain in you. In other words, this is
just his way of saying stay close to me,
stay connected to me, follow me, and then
he tells us why. He says you need to stay
close to me and follow me because no branch can
bear fruit by itself. It's gonna remain in the vine. Again, he's talking about
something so familiar. If you take the
branch off the vine, the branch dies, it
doesn't bear any fruit. He says if you're gonna bear
the fruit I want you to bear, you've gotta say
plugged into me, and now the application. Neither can you, he
would say to John and to Matthew and to
Andrew sitting there. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain connected
or plugged into me, that we can't bear
fruit the way that Jesus wants us to bear fruit
unless we lean into him, or to use another
word Jesus used, continue to follow him. And then he says to them what
they've already figured out, by the way guys,
you go slow for him, he doesn't want him to miss it, I am the vine, you've
already said that, and you guys are these
branches I'm talking about, and if you remain
plugged into me, and I in you, this is so cool, I'm gonna make you
a promise, he says, you're going to bear much fruit, you're not gonna bear much fruit cause you're gonna learn
how to be a fruit bearer. You're gonna bear much
fruit because you're plugged into a following me. It's why when you met
that guy or that girl from your past, they
were so different, and when you asked
them, you know, what's going on, they
didn't talk about, well I got up every morning,
made a list of five things I'm gonna be coming,
by golly I became them. They'd just make it
simple, they'd say, well, they don't
even know how to explain it to you sometimes. He says, well, you know,
I started going to church, and then I started
reading my Bible, and basically discovered
they became a Jesus follower and they're just
different, and they're not even sure they
can explain it. This is the promise of Jesus. Plug into me, stay
close to me, follow me, and one day you'll
realize you have become something new. You've become
something different. People will say you've
become something better. And then, he defines
what he means by fruit, and this is so
powerful, he says, just as the father,
this is amazing that he makes this comparison. Just as the father has loved me, so I have loved you. It's like, wait, wait,
wait, wait, okay, you changed the subject, okay, we're talking about gardens
and fruit and vines, okay, now we're
talking about love, he's like just hang with
me, I'm getting there. Just as the father has loved me, just as the father has
demonstrated his love through me, I have
demonstrated the father's love through you. Now here's what
I want you to do. I want you to remain in my love. The same word he used
to talk about the branch staying connected to the vine. So it's like wait, so
God's the gardener, you're the vine, I'm the branch, I'm to stay connected to you, and when I think about
staying connected to you, I'm supposed to stay connected
to your love, exactly. And then here's the surprise,
if you keep my commands, you will remain in my love. To which we say I knew
it was a bait and switch. This is just all about
commands and rules, I knew it, it was
still relational, it was so warm and fuzzy,
and something's gonna happen in me, and one
day my wife's gonna go, (gasps) you're the man of
my dreams after all, I'm just gonna become,
and then you do what every church person does, now we're gonna talk
about the 10 Commandments, or some new commands, and I'm the guy sitting
there with Jesus are like, great, I thought we were
headed down a new direction, but you're saying if you
keep my commandments, you will stay, you'll
remain in my love. To which they're thinking, okay, you're Jesus, we're with you. So what are the commands? Somebody write these down,
I bet there a bunch of them. (audience chuckling) And here's the shocker. Here's why you
should follow Jesus. Here's why you should
consider following Jesus even if you're not
sure who Jesus is. Jesus smiles at things, and
he says okay, I'll tell you, John write this down,
my command is this. Okay, wait, wait,
vine and branch, we're plugging in, you know,
it's all about back and forth, and somehow it's all
about the father's love, and now we're talking
about commands, and now you're saying
there's just one command? Right. Just one command. All right, what's your command? Love each other. We don't even need to
write that one down, we've heard that so many times. You know, that's not new, to which Jesus would say,
hang on I'm not through. Because this isn't just about
love the one you're with, this isn't just about
love, this isn't about, oh if we just all get
along and love each other, no, Jesus said remember
this is vine and branch, this is a different
kind of love, this is a very
specific kind of love. I don't want you to
just be more loving. I want you to love specifically, I want you to have
a focused love, here's the kind of love
I want you to have. I want you to love
each other as I, because this is about
a relationship with me. I want the love that you have
seen demonstrated towards you, I want that same brand,
I want that same type, I want that same combination, that same formula of
love to flow through you. I want you to love
as I have loved you. Now I'm telling you, sitting
in the room that night, they had some idea of
what he was talking about. But a few days later, Jesus would put on a
demonstration of love, take their breath away. Because it would
take his breath away. And on the other side of
the resurrection it's like, oh, this isn't some kind of
permissive, figure it out on your own kind of love,
this is the kind of love where you put the
other person first. This is the kind of love where you lay down your
life for a friend. This is the kind of love
where you defer to the wishes and the thoughts of
the other person. This is the kind of love
where you forgive regardless of what's been done, and
regardless of the offense. This is the kind of love
that takes everything I have going for me and
makes it available for you. This is the kind of
love where I do unto you as my father through
Christ has done unto me. Oh. This is what Jesus
means in abiding in him. It's not complicated. It's not super intangible,
super spiritual. It is about learning how and
allowing the love that God has for you to flow to others
specifically to those with whom you have
a relationship. Saint Augustine, by the way
St. Augustine is in Florida, Saint Austine is in Heaven. Just want to clear
that up, okay? Saint Augustine makes
this comment based on this unique focused Christ
like kind of love. He says this, he wrote this, he said love and then
basically do whatever you want. Love, and do as thou wilt. Once you understand
that the framework for all of your relationships, the framework and
the guiding force, and the guiding
principle, the North Star of your behavior toward
the people around you, the people that you're raising, the people that you live with, the people that
you're married to, as long as you know the
North Star is my behavior will be monitored
through and looked at through the filter and the
grid of God's love for me as demonstrated in Christ, he says once you have that down, you'll figure everything out, that this is how you become. This is how you become a
person worth looking for. This is how you
shift gears from just finding, finding, finding,
and if you're married, controlling,
controlling, controlling, and conforming,
conforming, conforming, and pressuring,
pressuring, and pressuring, and if I could ever
just get her to act the way I want her
to act I'll be happy. And if I could ever get
him to stop and to start and to begin, if could
just get him shaped into the image of what I want, then I would be happy. And Jesus says, that's
never gonna work. I have an idea. Just follow me. And learn from me. In another place he
says because I'm gentle. And I'm humble at heart. And you will find
rest for your souls. And you will find peace
in your relationships because I want to teach you
how to love as I've loved. And I'm telling you when two
people get on board with this, when two people embrace this
approach to relationship, it's amazing what happens. This is how you become
a person worth finding, but this is how you become
a person worth staying for. This is, as we're gonna
see, this is how you prepare to commit. This is how you prepare
to stay committed. This is how you make
whatever relationship you're in better because
both people are becoming and they're becoming
in the same direction. And as we'll discover next
time there's fine print. Here's the thing that
may blow your mind if you're not a Christian or
you're new to this whole thing, that the kind of person
that Jesus wants to lead you to become, if you become
one of his followers, is actually the kind of
person we're all ultimately looking for, and all ultimately
want to be or to become. That what you're gonna
discover when you open the pages of the New
Testament and as we look at what Jesus said
specifically you're gonna discover, oh, well that's
sort of the kind of person I wanted to be anyway. Oh, well that, yeah, I
would love to meet a person who loved me like God through
Christ loved him or her, and yeah, I would
love to think, I mean seems far off to me, I can't
imagine ever getting there, but I would love to think that
that I'm that kind of person. Now, I get criticized
for this sometimes. If what you've heard me say is it's just all about love,
that's not what I've said, because that's not
what Jesus said. And if the whole
idea of just love, we're just gonna
love each other, it seems so permissive,
it seems so undefined, it seemed like anything goes, then you don't
understand God's love as exemplified through Christ. So what we're gonna do next
time, this is gonna be fun, in fact, the next two
weeks are gonna be extremely practical is we're
gonna look at the fine print because there's always
fine print, right? But here's the cool thing, this fine print
will make you fine. Okay? It will make worth
finding, and keeping, no losing, and less weeping. Because when two people, this is why this
is so important, when two people
embrace the fine print, and when two people
decide they're gonna stay connected to the vine, the
relationship gets better, and it gets fine, and
it doesn't get better because they accidentally
or magically found the right person, it
gets better because they are becoming
a better person. Because following Jesus
will make your life better. I promise. Following Jesus will
make you better at life. So don't miss next week when
we look at the fine print.
