Gentleman's Club | Andy Stanley

I don't think sex is a great idea before marriage however I believe it's something that needs to be explored for you and the rest of your lives with somebody this idea of waiting so marriage and not having sex is only bad for society if I changed one thing it would have been to wait before marriage to have sex I feel like that would have made my wife Sandoz relationships a whole lot more secure me and my boyfriend have been living together for three years now and we're pretty much a married couple that's what we consider ourselves I think the reason why people have this doubts on announce because they always have that question in their head is there's something else out there that's better [Music] well we're in part two of this series of new rules for love sex and dating and the question that I got to answer before we get started that I answered last week as well as why in the world am i are we spending three or four weeks talking about love sex and dating to a church that's predominantly fill with married people and the reason is is because I've talked to so many married people and as I talk to married people talk about their difficult marriages I find myself thinking you know there's enough of you know unavoidable pain in life why in the world would we make decisions to bring additional pain and there are things that I thought were obvious to everybody that that aren't obvious to everybody and so I thought you know I need to warn single people about some of the things that married people are dealing with and so I decided to spend our time together doing that and in addition to that I want single people to be excited about getting married someday and unfortunately only the only stories we hear are the bad ones because the good marriage stories honestly are kind of boring nobody's gonna make a movie about my marriage okay nobody's gonna make you nobody wants to watch a movie or a television show about a marriage with no conflict I mean conflict is what makes for great novels and great marriages getting no press so part of why I'm doing this single people is I want you to be ready I want you to be excited even even for those of you who said I'm never ever gonna get married and I'm giving up on marriage and I've never seen a good one I've never seen a happily you know married couple or you thought hey single people have problems married people have problems I'll go with the single people problems you know you that's sort of your attitude I just want to cast a vision to say it can be absolutely incredible but and ordered for it to be incredible there's some things you need to know that I kind of thought everybody knew but they don't so this series is my opportunity to tell you all the stuff that I wish I could have told every dating couple every single person before they got married and so last week last week I left you with this question it's the new question it's the different questions one of the new rules for love sex and dating and the question is are you who the person you're looking for is looking for are you who the person you're looking for is looking for because we go into we go into dating thinking if I can just find the right person everything is going to turn out all right and so people there a lot of married people here today and they just thought if I found the right person everything will turn out right and they never thought about am i who the person I'm looking for is looking for they just went looking so last week we talked about the right person myth the right person myth is if I find the right person everything will turn out all right that's right and it's a myth because what they didn't know is while they were looking for the right person thinking if I find the right person everything will be alright the person they were looking for and the person they met was looking for the right person thinking if I made the right person everything will turn out alright and there wasn't any thought about relational skills character habits any of that stuff they just thought if I might meet the right person everything's gonna turn out alright I'm not gonna have to be patient because they're not gonna do anything to cause me to have to exercise patient I'm not gonna have to be learn to be kind because after all of them never do anything to test me in that area and so they met each other in fact many of the married people this is your story single people you need to listen they met each other and guess what they had they didn't have a lot of character necessarily they didn't have a lot of relational skills they had chemistry chemistry is like I can't stay away can't quit thinking about can't live without you love will keep us alive and I had like a theme song background music you know and it was so romantic and it was so easy and the love was good the romance was good in some cases the sex was good it was just it was just like it's perfect they thought they had this unique thing no one's ever loved anybody the way I love you baby it was just it was so great and their mama said run honey run and she told mommy you don't understand and daddy said are you kidding me and I'm daddy you don't understand because they had chemistry so then they moved in together or they got married but they just thought well since I found the right person everything's going to turn out alright then things started not going so well relationally and all of a sudden I didn't know you had this habit you didn't tell me about this debt and 9:09 on internet and then the thing that pulled them together the chemistry it was a chemistry experience as experiment actually the chemistry experiment blew up because since the relationship wasn't great the chemistry kind of went away and they ended up with what I call a Franken marriage ok Franken marriage is when the chemistry experiment goes bad ok and there are a lot of single people you need to know there are married people even in our church and watch it online who are in Franken marriages the chemistry was all about chemistry and boom it blew up and now now they're they're in a mess and here's here's what single people I want you to know here's what happened to so many married couples you know about their past snuck into their present it started destroying their future their past they see single people right now your present we said this last week present tense what you're doing right now will eventually be your asked its going to show up in your future here's what the married people around you did they spent a year planning a wedding they spent seven years developing habits that we're gonna destroy the marriage they spent a year planning the wedding they spent years not a year they spent years developing habits and patterns and developing baggage and relational things and character things and addiction things in some cases and financial debt they spent years developing the things that would unravel the marriage that they spend a year planning for and single people I don't want you to do that so I'm just gonna kind of bring everything I know about this to give you a heads up and I'm going to assume you don't know anything because I keep thinking everybody knows this stuff and they don't know we let we left off last week I gave you a list in fact I was really kind of neat we created this list because you know instead of you know looking for somebody we want you to become somebody as well and we said here's what you need to become so we gave you this list from first Corinthians 13 you know you know while you're looking you know you need to be coming and so one of my staff members came up back to the service last week and she said I was walking down the hall and I saw a teenage girl walking down the hall with the list and she turned to her friend said my boyfriend isn't any of this and it was funny but then it kind of broke my heart because she's gonna stay in a relationship with him I have a friend named Susan - Susan smart she's a hairdresser and so you know she hears all the gossip and all the stuff and people sit in the chair you know you tell your hairdresser everything and she says you know these girls come in and they talk about their boyfriends and that na he's so this he's that now I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love and I'm in love and this is the one I'm in love and she says when they when they finally could talk and I asked them this question I think this is a great question so you're in love but what do you love about him what do you love about him because she's smart enough to know that the chemistry the being in love part that's great but what do you love about him because it's the about him it's the about her that's gonna show up in the relationship long term and if you haven't paid attention to that and if you have not become someone that someone can say here's what I love about him here's what I love about her then things aren't gonna go well so we ended last week with this first at the end of first Corinthians 13 here so we're gonna kind of go from today Paul wrote this when I was a child I talked like a child I thought like a child I reasoned like a child when I became a man or when I became an adult when I became a man I put here it is the ways of childhood I put the ways of childhood I put the ways of childhood the thinking of childhood the reasoning of childhood the actions of childhood I put the ways of childhood behind me and last week we said this in children's stories it always ends when the right people meet each other and then they say oh and they lived happily ever after that's a childhood way of thinking about relationships it's not about finding the right person or I should say it's not only about finding the right person it's about becoming the right person so what I want to do today is we move into the second installment of this series I want to talk specifically to men about the ways of childhood specifically I want to talk to men about putting away the ways of childhood so ladies you can just take a deep breath you don't have to pay attention you can work you can do whatever you want cuz I want to just talk to the guys however women you might find this fascinating and Men here's why I'm talking to you and I'm not picking on you somebody asked me is this gonna be the you know the pick on the guys week I said no I want to inspire you to be men I want to inspire you to step up and do the things that in your heart you know you want to do and be who you want to be and and men even in our society that you know got so many crazy things going on men you still continue to set the pace for the relationships you do you continue to establish the pace of the relationships you're still quote in charge in that respect and consequently you're more responsible and I'm more responsible so I want to talk to you men about a biblical view of women here's how you're to view women get this straight not just the women you date but including the women you date not just the woman you're in love with but including the woman you're in love with here's how we are to view women and it is so extraordinarily different from how we're taught to view women every single day of our life and guys here's here's the challenge and our culture women are viewed presented talked about and sung about like a commodity do you know the commodity is a commodity is something with a you know as a value or gonna put certain value on this I'm going to take this commodity and I'm going to kind of use it however I want to use it that I'm going to trade for something of greater value or I'm gonna trade it in and sort of work off I'm gonna you know bump it up a notch I'm gonna go to and we do something different but it's a commodity it's something that I'm not that attached to a commodity something I use so I'm done using it and then I'm gonna trade it in or sell it or move on to a different commodity men in our culture every single day here's the message we all get the messages from women the messages take me use me do whatever you want to with me and then trade me in for another one and then we go to another movie we listen to another song we look at another television ad we go to another intersect in that site we get the same message take me use me do anything you want to with me and then discard me or trade me in for another that's the message we get day after day after day week after week after week so consequently we got a bunch of men or we got a bunch of people in men's bodies who think like little boys and they think women are like a commodity and it's the message we get over and over and over and over and over and today in our short few minutes I want to help change your thinking about women and single guys I'm telling you I can't even exaggerate the importance of what I'm about to say because if you listen to what I have to say today and if you'll pay attention to these verses we're gonna look at this will set you up for extraordinary success relationally down the road there are married men today single guys that are gonna listen to this and they're gonna think I wish someone had told me but they went to churches where they didn't talk about this kind of stuff they went to churches where they heard lots of sermon X and it was all nice and neat but we don't talk about these things in church I just decided I love you too much to just skip over this so we're we're gonna have a man-to-man talk about how you're supposed to treat a woman now some of the things I'm gonna say today they just fly in the face of culture you're gonna find yourself thinking well that's just old-fashioned nobody does that anymore nobody thinks that way anymore and I want you to understand there's some truth to that but did you know that when these ideas were first introduced and I wish I had a lot of time to go into this I'll try to hit it quick when these ideas were first introduced they were as strange in fact they were even more strange in the first century than they are to us now they were far far far more strange in the first century when these ideas were introduced about women women actually were a commodity they weren't simply viewed and treated like a commodity they were a commodity prostitution was legal and encouraged not only that men basically in the Roman and Greek world you own slaves so the richer you were the more slaves you own the more female slaves you own and you could do with a female slave anything you wanted to include cellar or have her put to death and there would be no nobody to come back against you in the first century world nobody wanted female little girls when they had babies in fact the Romans didn't even want children in the second third century it just became an epidemic of how many little baby girls were thrown into the river are just set out on the streets to die nobody cared the value of life was so much lower we can't even comprehend the the kind of world that these words were spoken in to men didn't want to have children because it meant they had to split up their estate among children a bunch of different children so Roman men and Greek men actually used prostitutes as birth control they just quit having sex with their wives in fact things got so bad in the Roman in the ancient Roman world on two occasions they were actually bills before the Roman Senate to mandate marriage because the upper-class men just gave up on marriage that's why I get married my wife is a hassle I don't want to raise a bunch of kids I can have all the sex I want I can have all the women I want why would I want to burden myself with marriage and then when I get old I'll find some responsible adult male I'll adopt him and give him my inheritance and give him my estates and then I'll go on to whatever's next so there was just an epidemic of mistreatment of women women had no status women had no voice it was absolutely horrible I mean even women in wealthy households were just a step or two above a slave in Roman culture you could only have one wife so men didn't have multiple wives but they had many many many mistresses women were a commodity women had no status and into this world that we can't even imagine Jesus spoke and Peter his followers spoke and the Apostle Paul spoken I'm telling you what they had to say about women to us how I think I've heard that before to us yeah that's probably a good idea but in this culture it was staggering it was just showstopper it was we can't even imagine how the people of that world the way they thought about women began to process what these men had to say about women and in the Christian communities in the first century the status of women were so elevated that in all these little Ecklie Sia's and all these gatherings in the roman mmah and around the Mediterranean rim women flocked to these little churches because in these little churches they were viewed a completely different way and men we're Christian men those of you who are Christian ma'am we need to get back and read embrace these kind of fundamental truths on how God views women Jesus came along he got it all started jesus said this he got all this guys together and he said actually men and women in this larger group and he said okay I'm going to tell you something new Johnny gets your PIN out here we go this is new and guys been out he said here it is write this down new command new command love one another yeah you in the back even the women even the women well there's no difference no difference you talk about Roman uh not romantic love here it is love one another just as I have what's the next word loved you you're supposed to love one another even the girls yeah yeah shut up even the girls I want you to love once you look around this room you got slaves and free people and women and teen you got all these people when you get together I want you to give equal love concern honor and respect to each other regardless of what their slave free male or female I'm telling you this was like seriously listen to what he said love one another as I have loved you by this by this the rest of the world will know that you're my follower that you have love for one other than that don't pass over that too quickly by this by the fact that you give this kind of honor and esteem to people regardless of their sex and regardless of their background the fact that you would give that kind of honor and respect regardless will tell the world uh-oh something new is going on by this one thing people will know that you're my follower that you love one another men's you know what that means that means every single woman you are ever eyeball-to-eyeball with in the office in the in your studio on where you work where you play and the Neighborhood Association your mother-in-law you know your your wife sister you know every woman your eyeball your Savior who died for you said oh yeah by the way here's how I want you to treat her I want you to love her like I loved you then Paul came along contextualized it he said to the men in the Greek and Roman world he spoke mostly the Gentiles he said here's what I want you to do husbands love your wives like Jesus Christ loved the church okay yeah you in the back okay he didn't he like died for the church you got it okay okay so like my wife like I'm supposed to give my life for her you got it now that appalled before we see in our world way it works is men don't give men take we're takers they were bigger or stronger we take we take as much as you want from whoever we want so you're telling me that this woman I'm supposed to give of myself to her like Jesus gave of himself for the world Paul said yeah that's new it's new that's different yeah I think my wife's gonna like that I think she is my single guys listen to me listen listen that's what you're shooting for that's what it means to be a Christian man you say well I'm not married yet I'm telling you listen you got a practice now you got a practice now with every woman you interact with a lot more about that in a second then Peter comes along Peter he what he says is absolutely I'm telling you we can't even imagine how incredibly knew this was Peter who spent all this time with Jesus Peter who walked up one day and saw Jesus speaking to a Samaritan woman alone and all the disciples were like oh my goodness he's talking to a woman men didn't talk to women why I'll tell you why they were women he didn't talk to him he just ignored him they were non people and they walk up in Jesus it's not just any woman a Samaritan woman and get this Jesus has offered to drink out of her jar Oh cooties are you kidding me you're gonna drink after a woman a Samaritan woman I mean who do you think you are who would do that son of God would do that one day they're walking along and they hear all this commotion they go over and Jesus is kneeling down next to a woman who was caught in the act of adultery he was associating himself with an adulterous woman and he was had his hand on her back her shoulder no doubt he's touching all the Jewish people going he's talking to a woman and it's an adulterous woman and Jesus says no look I don't condemn you I'll leave your life of sin it was staggering and so Peter who saw all of that writes to the Christian men and all these little ecklie's Diaz and all these little gatherings who have always viewed women as a commodity you buy him you sell him you trade them you know treat them however you want because after all they're women okay and Peter says this to the men listen to this husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and singles follow me I'm gonna make the connection just a second and treat them with what's this word now pause and I want to ask you questions why did Peter even have to write down husbands treat your wives with respect doesn't everybody know that I mean to eater you right in the Bible Peter I mean I would you know don't waste our time tell us something we don't know and Peter knew into this world where women where commodity he needed to say it men let me tell you the standard by which here to treat the women in your life you treat them with respect yeah you're in the back with Peter there when then Peters going so you don't understand you don't understand let me take this little phrase treat them with respect there's a very interesting little Greek word it's the only time it shows up in the whole Greek New Testament which generally meant the author was trying to make a very specific point here's a better translation of that phrase grant or assign them let's say this word together I'm telling you this is different this is different you're not gonna get any help with this and work you're not gonna get any help with this in the community Peter said men when you view the women in your lives I want you to assign them I want you to ascribe to them honor okay when we're questioning in the back okay see my wife she's not very honorable Peter says just hold that thought for one second men I want you to ascribe to women you honor his honor is it's oh it's honor all I'm still honored and the men who latrine this are going he's he's not even here he wrote us a letter he's never met our wives how could he say this how can you just make it generous like this so some of you were thinking you're thinking you gotta meet my wife are you kidding now men I'm telling you this is a mind this is this is a way new way of thinking ascribe to them honor and then he goes on next phrase as the weaker partner when a woman don't get offended all this means is that your husband can probably beat you in an arm wrestling match that's all that means he's not talking about less-intelligent is not talking about less important in fact he's gonna make the opposite point just in second now this not men men follow me on this let me tell you how crazy this was this was in a world where might made right do you want to know what is the right thing to do is whoever is the strongest that's the right thing to do whoever has the power that's the right thing to do if you're the king your word is law if you're the Emperor your word is live you got the money and you got the power you write the rules that might was always leveraged for the sake of those who had the might and Peter comes along and says it's a new day it's a new age there's something new going on God has introduced the new morality God has introduced the new ethic men you are to use your power for the sake of those who lack power you are to leverage your power your physical strength your financial strength your influence Tariq's you are to leverage that for the weak and if you're a married man you make sure you leverage your power not for your sake but for her sake forget what you've seen illustrated with Rome forget what you've seen illustrated in culture men you leverage your power in your streets for the benefit of the woman in your life I'm telling ya this was new territory but in the back of their minds they're still thinking okay Peter you need to meet my wife and then he shuts them all down with this next statement look at this as heirs with you of the gracious gift life men who's saying your wives the women in your life they answer to the same Heavenly Father you do they are joint heirs you are not superior when Jesus died he died for the women as well as the men when God sent his son into the world he sent his son into the world for the women as well as the men men he was saying every time your eyeball eyeball to it with a woman you are looking at someone who's not only made in the image of God you're looking at someone for whom Jesus Christ gave his life be careful how you treat her heirs which meant her father her heavenly father is God or to contextualize that it's as if God was saying to look you to you go on out and have a good time and I'll be sitting here on the front porch cleaning my gun I'll be here clean my lightning bolt hey guys you are accountable to me in fact he goes on to say listen to this men if you don't get this right God will not answer your prayers we yeah whoa you won't answer my prayers because of the way I treat a woman exactly so this is a big deal it's a really really really big deal it's the single guys I want you listen to me the girls you're attracted to the girls are not attracted to the girls that are attracted to you you're not attracted to them but you know if you were attracted them you'd have some fun and then you could just dump them to move on those girls the girls that keep texting you and you don't feel like you don't text it back the girls you went out once and you said I'm sure you were gonna call them he said oh I'll call you I'll call you but you don't need to call him because they're girls you have to call them back they're never gonna see every category of women your responsibility is to honor them and to treat them with respect because they are daughters of your heavenly father and you're accountable to him for the way that you treat women and all of the singles guys think what guys all of this is practice it's practice practice practice for the day that you meet the person you may spend the rest of your life with now listen to this we're gonna move on guys you cannot date like a slave owner put on a tux say I do and suddenly magically turn into this guy that knows how to honor and respect a wife it doesn't happen you are surrounded by married men who tried it they thought well winner once I get married everything changes nothing changes that they got a ring and his girlfriend's got his last name and they're all the same the character doesn't change the habits don't change the relational issues don't change it's all the same they thought somehow I don't know how to treat women I don't even try to treat women right away but suddenly because I met the right person everything's gonna be all right and it was a disaster in the chemistry began to vet evaporate almost immediately I don't want you to go through that and you don't have to go through that but you're gonna have to renew your mind and you're gonna need to make up your mind you're gonna have to renew your mind to think correctly about women and you're not going to get much help from culture and you've got to make up your mind to treat them and to act differently so for our final few minutes I want to talk to you specifically about renewing your mind guys and about changing the way that you treat women okay so here we go I want to talk first of all about what you entertain yourself with this is a big deal men if you have talked about music first men if you have on your playlist if you have on your playlist any song that refers to a woman as a or a by the time the Sun Goes Down tonight it needs to be erased from your playlist forever forever now listen this is a big deal this is a big deal a big deal this is in every country where there has been a genocide and every society where there has been slavery do you know how it begins someone comes along and they dehumanize an individual by ascribing a label or a name to that person in Rwanda the Hutus decided that the Tutsis were simply cockroaches they're cockroaches they're cockroaches so we can stomp them out they're not even people they're subhuman treat them any way you want 800,000 people died over 800,000 people and Nazi Germany the Nazis called the Jewish women every Jewish woman was a and Jews were rats they're not really people they're subhuman therefore we can exterminate them we did the same thing in this country with American Indians we did the same thing in this country during the time of slavery and we did the same thing in this country in the years building up to the civil rights movement we gave names to people that allowed us to treat them as less than people of any country in the world of every country in the world we should be so extraordinarily intolerant of those kind of labels and that kind of behavior that it shouldn't even exist in our culture and men if you continue to entertain yourself with terminology and phrases that talks about women as and guess how you're eventually going to give yourself permission to treat them by the label you've given them I know some of your thinking you thinking well pastor Stainland what world you live in see that's just a style you know that's just part of my culture newsflash not all cultures are equal Christians have never thought all cultures are equal and a culture that is comfortable referring to a woman as a is a culture that is of lesser value than a culture this is know every woman you see is made in the image of God her God is Heavenly Father in the same Jesus that died for you sir died for them that is the superior culture and as Christian men we should lead the way and we should be completely intolerant of that kind of language why because it teaches you to treat women less than what God has called you to treat women in your life so by the end of this day if you're a Christian come on that's the end now some of you are gonna have any music to listen to I realize but that's okay so what just get rid of it okay second second area to renew in your mind erotic imagery I'll call it porn but it's really just erotic imagery now years ago if somebody told me Andy you probably need to do a sermon where you tell single guys so they shouldn't sit around and look at pictures of naked women I would have said I think I need to tell anybody that everybody knows you shouldn't sit around look at pictures of naked women well as I've discovered there's a whole bunch of people in our society most men in our society many Christian men in our society single men who decide say you know what that's not a sin that's just kind of a pastime that's just something I do so single men if you've never heard it before let me share with you now every time you sit down and entertain yourself with pictures of naked women you're at school and you don't know this but after today you're gonna know it every time you sit down and entertain yourself with pictures of naked women you're at school and in this particular school you're learnt learning three very important lessons lesson number one a real body isn't good enough let's just say that together men a real body isn't come on men let's come on a real body isn't good enough that's what you learned every time lesson number two one body isn't good enough lesson number two one body isn't good enough a real body isn't good enough one body isn't good enough and lesson number three single men this one will take you by surprise your wife's body isn't good enough your wife's body isn't good enough now you're a single guy going well I don't have a wife yeah but one day you will hopefully and when you do you will have learned this lesson a single man let me tell you what married men are thinking right now they're thinking well that explains a lot single women are thinking married women are thinking I knew something was up with that there are married men in this room single men who are so confused by what's going on inside of them they just don't understand it and the problem is for years and years and years or even for a year or two they've been going to school and they've been learning this lesson single men if you look forward to a great romantic relationship with a woman down the road the best thing you can do is to check out of this school this school sets you up for extraordinary extraordinary extraordinary disappointment I thought everybody knew this is this not common sense and I know what you're thinking you think well but because this is the this is what we hear all that well done hurty body ok I'm single I'm not married it doesn't hurt anybody doesn't hurt anybody hurt anybody hey let me take you back a few years did you know that during the Second World War that the United States government gave the GIS as many cigarettes as they could smoke and then a few years later they went oh oh that will kill you and now it's hard to even find anywhere to smoke did you know for years and years and years Christians and crazy people like me and organizations Christian organizations have been saying to men and our nation pornography is bad for you it's bad for you it's bad for your marriage it's a sin against you it's a sin against your wife is a sin against your girlfriend is a sin against God and the culture has looked at us and said oh it's just a bunch of narrow-minded Christians and now some research is coming out and even people in our culture who aren't claiming to be Christians are going oh oh oh oh you spend enough time learning these three lessons something actually changes chemically in a man's mind oh this is destroying marriages oh oh reel the women can't compete with images oh this may not simply be a pastime this actually might be a pathway that leads to something men it leads you to view women as a commodity and if you are a Christian man you've got to step up and embrace a biblical view of women every single woman even the women on the screen even the women who prostituted themselves that way every single woman you are ever eyeball-to-eyeball with was made in the image of God and your savior died for her and you are to honor women and you are to treat them with equal value and they are not a commodity they are loved by God and this school will destroy you you know the new the new the new research is showing that pornography are the erotic imagery is essentially a drug and you know what this drug does it deadens your desire for real women and the tragedy is there's a bunch of single guys and I know what you think okay I think we probably all thought this at some point you thought well now all I'm single I'm just kind of you know pig out on images and you know I'm just gonna get but then when I get married all of that need that all these images met my wife's gonna meet I guess some bad news you are surrounded you are surrounded by men married men who thought the very same thing and guess what happened they kept going back to this and you when their wives finally discovered it their lives were heartbroken and now their wives wake up every single day thinking I've got to compete with a thousand women who don't even really exist and I'm telling you it is destroying marriages all over our country because nobody told you but now you know every time you sit down in front of that screen here's what you're learning and now they're telling us it's a drug and over time you will destroy your own desire for a real woman and women simply become a commodity now guys if you go okay hi that's probably true yeah there's some addictive qualities and yeah but and II you know I'm just I'm just not gonna do anything about it then let me give you some advice okay then we'll move on and I'm serious when you get a girlfriend someday hopefully you'll get a serious girlfriend and be kind of moving towards something maybe moving in together or getting married hopefully you get married or maybe you're engaged now or or maybe you know you're living together now hopefully gonna get engaged and get married wherever you are you know whenever this happens if it's happening for you now here's what I suggest I suggest take her out to dinner not tonight wait a few nights take her out to dinner somewhere nice getting the corner booth and after dinner reach across take her by the hand look at her the eyes so you know what I mean if you use the love word say you know hi I we love each other and I love our relationship there's just something I need to make sure you know a real female body will never do it for me in fact one female body won't really ever do it for me and your body will never do it for me just thought I'd let you know no man let me ask you a question serious why wouldn't you do that why would you lie to her why would you further that relationship with that kind of deceit why would you lead her to think she's gonna be able to do something for you that you've already just a 'bless she's never gonna be able to do for you because no one in the world has ever told the story yeah I gorge myself with porn but once I got married I was able to put all that behind me because I had a real physical body it doesn't work that way it works the very opposite and if you're not willing to address this in your life then I challenge you as a man to tell your girlfriend tell your fiance hey I want you to know while we move forward the relationship I'm bringing all this with me because you will never meet for me the need that all of this meets just tell her and give her the option to opt out beforehand instead of breaking her heart afterwards she's not a commodity she doesn't belong to you she's a daughter of your God she's a recipient of the same forgiveness that you received when Jesus died for you now moving on that's the renew your mind part in any questions have I been clear okay now here let me tell you here's the do part here's the begin doing something different I want to give you a word picture because you guys know how to do this um you don't need a lesson from me on how to be a gentleman I hear but let me give you a kind of a mental image I want you to think for a minute men about single guys about a woman that you've never met that you have so much respect for and so much of that you if you could ever meet her have her sign her book or you heard her speak or maybe she's an actress or a singer and you just loved the song and you thought wow if I could get in a line even a long line and just thank her for that song or thank her for the book or the difference she's made maybe the president's wife or a senator's wife or just just somebody a woman it would be like I want you to just you know think of one who would that be because if you had the opportunity to be in her presence in a social gathering you would know how to treat her you don't need me to tell you do you know what you would do you would defer defer means no no no you you have that chair no no no let me get that for you oh no no I want to hear your story you wouldn't defer you would honor her you wouldn't walk up and go so nice so nice to meet you ever look at I mean you wouldn't do that you would look her right in the eyes you would honor her men that's how you treat every woman you ever meet because they're all made in the image of God and their heavenly father is your heavenly father and even if they're not a Christian yet one day their Savior their Savior is your Savior you know how to do this it's the girl at the office is the lady in the neighborhood is the woman who's you know so attractive you'd hope she doesn't walk in the coffee shop it's it's all of them you just decide I'm gonna honor you as if you are fill in the blank whoever it is that if you ever met her you'd just be oh it's such an there it is honor to meet you that's how Christian men are to treat women now last piece of advice and I've been given this advice for over 20 years in fact this little piece of advice I'm about to give you I have more people come up to me and say Andy I heard you speak at such-and-such or you and Sandra did a thing or back when you know I was single they come up to me and they say I don't know if you remember saying this and I always say oh yeah I remember saying you know what I decided to take your advice and I can't thank you enough for making that suggestion these are happily married people these are people with kids now I've been doing this for so long and this is the piece of advice very few people take but I'm telling you it's the one thing I've said through the years that more people have come up more single people that were newlyweds have come up and said that is what did it for me I want to suggest some of you single guys that you go home and you get your BlackBerry out of your calendar e out of your iPod out or however you're a my phone out of however you do your calendar and scroll ahead to one year from today and make an appointment on the calendar that says resume dating resume dating you need to take a year off you need to take into year off of every kind of male/female relationship in terms of anything that would go toward romance a year and let me tell you it's gonna happen in that year about three months in you're gonna meet the woman of your dreams and you're gonna go ah now I made that stupid commitment and maybe it wasn't maybe a year or maybe it's like three months and you just keep going you go you know what if she's still be around you know what I'm just gonna keep going and you spend that year guys renewing your mind and you come to church and you read and you sit and you have sorb and you start changing your passwords and you give your passwords to some friends so there's some places you can't go and you get rid of some media and you clean out your playlist and you just spend a year because it's been so long you've been taught maybe your whole life that women are a commodity and you need at least a year to renew your mind so that you can look a woman right in the eye so that your that temptation to turn around and look when she walks by you you've overcome that you've learned to bounce your eyes you've learned to speak respectfully you've learned to speak respectfully the girls you have no interest in and girls you do have interest in you visa comes sort of a freak you become one of those weird guys that obviously he's a Christian look at the way he treats women what is up with you and guys for some of you it's gonna take a year and you change the way you treat women and you change the way you think about women and in a year you'll be a different person and in a year you will have taken a giant step toward becoming the person that you're looking for is looking for you will have put away you will have put away the ways of childhood you will have finally grown up to be the man that God created you and called you to be and one last thing man there are a whole single men there are a whole bunch of women there a whole bunch of women to think there aren't anymore gentlemen there are a whole bunch of incredible women that have given up on ever finding the kind of guy we just described there are a whole bunch of women that are looking but they've almost given up hope which means guys if you get this right you will be one of a very small category of very desirable men just saying let's pray together Heavenly Father I know this lands in so many different places there are those of us that are like oh if only I'd known there are others that are like I'm glad I found out father there are some women today they just want to stand up and say Amen there's some women it just breaks their heart they didn't know beforehand the father I just pray for all the single men who are listening they know what to do none of this is extraordinarily profound and most of it's not even new it's just suddenly this information has our undivided attention for just a moment would you help us become the kind of men that as Jesus said love one another as you loved us that we would be the kind of men that Paul talked about that we would love and give not take that we'd be kind of the kind of men that Peter talked about that we would grant honor to the women in our lives Heavenly Father I just pray there'd be some guys that had the courage to clean out their playlists today change passwords today get rid of media today cancel plans today and that this would be the beginning of a season in their lives where you do something so extraordinary so transformational that they will become who you want them to be and they will become the person that the person they're looking for is looking for and we pray all of these things father and the amazing name of Jesus who is all of our Savior and his name amen hey thanks so much for being here today we'll see you next week for part three of the new rules of love sexy dating

Channel: North Point Care

Views: 22,336

Rating: 4.8441558 out of 5

Keywords: care network, north point community church, woodstock church, buckhead church, Gwinnett church, decatur city church, brownsbridge church, help, struggling, challenges, pain, relationships, transition, change, ministry resources, resources, training, counseling, love, sex, dating

Id: D_qzzDbeDd4

Length: 44min 48sec (2688 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 20 2017