Daddy Issues

kind of meet you where you are and to give perspective on the father/daughter relationship because I believe that our relationships with our fathers really determines our ability to connect with God so I thought it was important for us to kind of confront some of the issues that ultimately keep us from receiving from God and so my father could preach literally the roof off of this place and he has certainly been pouring into the lives of women for almost as long as I have been alive but I thought in this unique atmosphere in setting that what could be really cool is for us to just have a one-on-one conversation about an hour father/daughter relationship so I'm going to allow the video to roll to introduce our guests but the next person you hear from will be my father bishop TD jakes known as a charismatic leader visionary and entrepreneur bishop TD jakes serves as a senior pastor of The Potter's House a global humanitarian organization his mission is to extend a hand of health to the needy a heart of compassion to the hurting and bring a message of empowerment to the disenfranchised Bishop Jake's love for people goes beyond the church through ministries including bank accounts a local national and international outreach organization as well as the Texas offenders reentry initiative an organization to rehabilitate formerly incarcerated individuals his messages fire and encourage leaders to excel on their own level in addition to pastoring 230-thousand church members bishop James became the first clergyman to host a national talk show for mainstream audience he also has an award-winning music label is a New York Times best-selling author and a filmmaker ladies and gentlemen please welcome Bishop TD jakes [Applause] [Music] thank you Dad I'm glad you're here I know that we could have done anything but I really felt like it would be necessary for us to have this conversation that video explains so many things that you've done in the world but it doesn't talk at all about the things that you went through at home as a father can you just help me understand what fatherhood means to you and how it shaped you and protection but there's also a responsibility to nurture and connect I think those last two I'm learning as I went along but my natural instinct and and might I say the daunting task of providing took up a lot of my life and a lot of my time and trying to make sure that everything was there and that when you turned on the water hey grant hey and then the lights came on that there was always food in eyes Watts a men often get preoccupied and focused on that not because they're not interested in their children or their wives it's just that it's not as easy as it looks and today the roles have changed a little bit you know sometimes the woman makes more money than the man there are situations where the man is at home nurturing and the woman is providing so there are no steered typical relationships today like there were when we were raising you all what do you think it's like one of the most challenging things that you face as a father whether internally or externally with our you know different obstacles first of all all you have to bring to the table is all you have experienced okay so when my father got sick when I was 10 he died when I was 16 before hour before he got sick he was very very big on building business and work ethic and being relentless had been tenacious and a lot of that I got from him so when I start parenting or when I've got married you bring into the relationship whatever your definition of being a father is and then then adjust as you go along the idea of parenting of fathering a daughter was intimidating for me because I knew what a boy wanted from his father because I had been a boy wanting from my father I had yet to learn what a girl wants from her father one because I've never been a girl and don't want to be one but but secondly because that relationship did not act out in in the reservoir of my experiences that father-daughter relationship and so I had to learn that as I went along so I mean I know now because I'm older what I wanted as a little girl and I think I understand it now more because it's also kind of what I desire in my relationship with my husband and I think it's to be seen and to be told how valuable I am and how much I am appreciated I think that so much of a woman's self-esteem part of the reason why we build it on whether or not we're married or whether or not someone finds us attractive is because of that validation that comes from a father do you know now how much that you know affects absolutely absolutely you learn go kids don't come with manuals so you learn this you go you get better and it is it goes it goes long the other thing that you have to realize about parenting and particularly for we're talking about fathering but this is also true about women at the time that you're having children you're growing too so it wasn't me that father knew it was 30 year old me it was it was you range you that was fathering okay so so you gotta understand the time of life here in when you're still trying to figure out you and now you've got somebody else to be responsible for not only emotionally self-esteem and the things you're talking about but whatever the school requires whatever has to be done in their life for the doctor from the dental visits for the recital get the instrument get this done get that done got to come up with Christmas got to come up with Thanksgiving you got to come up with Thanksgiving dinner all of those are bills to men seeing their experiences to women but their bills to then so so Merry Christmas ho ho for me his you gotta make this happen you gotta buy their gifts and your gifts from them to you and by the dinner and sometimes cook the dinner in our case that's a lot to do in between doing what you do for a living so so all of that is proved and let's go back to this the first victory no matter how poorly a person provides emotionally or financially in your life the first victory for man is that he didn't quit because most of the people suffering in this room are suffering from a life you knew nothing about that some of them don't know who their father is some of them were abused by their fathers some of their fathers ran away and the child thinks that the father ran from them but in all likelihood the the father either ran from your mother no that's true he ran from the relationship that was going on with her at the time or he ran from the pressure of being this iconic individual that was intimidating for this 20 year old or this 25 year old individual who is unfinished himself who is flawed and broken and and the whole family unit is predicated on the fact it has to be a place of unconditional love it has to be because God isn't through raising anybody in the house anybody in the house and it's very important that you understand that because if you don't give that elasticity to a man he will leave he will leave for the lack of being understood and being received because he wants everything you want everything you just said that you want that's everything I want I want to be seen I want to be valued I want to be affirmed I want to be appreciated and I want it I want it to happen after work and so in between all of that that's everything your mother wants so everybody wants so you come home to hunger tired so when you come home to hunger tired and and face criticism which I didn't but some men do it makes you want to flee either back to work or away altogether to the grieving women in this room who feel like my father loved didn't love me he wasn't there for me very seldom two men leave their children they leave their situation or they leave their spouse and they don't know how to build a relationship with the child apart from the mother or the mother won't let up so you mentioned elasticity and weight like how do you balance not wanting to be like over-critical and nagging or judgmental but also having legitimate you know things that you want to be able to discuss whether it's in the father relationship or even a relationship with a husband with men timing is everything timing is everything it is not what you say it's when you said not when I first come in the door don't leave me at the door or with a bunch of complaints I'm trying to find some refuse I'm trying to find some peace and men in most men need a cave a detox spot to to refuel from all the things that happen to you at work where you were often belittled mistreated hated on ostracized and to survive that and come home and run in the person's you're doing it for have a list of what you didn't do it makes you feel unappreciated and here's where the problem comes in there's always somebody around the corner talking to you saying if if he was my man and I was your woman and and it's anything it's really not true but it is the trap we fall in because we have a tendency to go to where the claps are not the criticisms if you do have something critical to say pick a time then your emotions are not involved in it because you have to understand men don't whether in the workplace or at home or in life we don't communicate like women we communicate very differently and so understanding what you mean is a process but your mother will tell you my famous line with your mother my famous famous all-time 37 year old there has never been a year in the 30 centimeters been married that I didn't say this at least a hundred times during the year what do you mean by that because what she said and what I heard are often two completely different things and the same thing is true in Reverse what I said versus what you hear is two different that I might say I don't like your dress and you might hear I don't like you we we can compartmentalize one issue from the other and speak about the issue and then wonder why the individual is bad because for us it's about the issue it's not about the individual but the woman often feels affronted a/b most women grew up without a man so she wants me to be her girlfriend in pants seats she talks to me like she won a girl and she receives from me like the woman communication male communication is very different yeah because like when PT talks to me I can't hardly take it sometimes it's like way direct and like well why did you what were you thinking when you did that and then I become defensive and now I have an attitude and even though I grew up in the house with the men I think there's something about him saying something that suggests I didn't do it well enough that maybe brings up this little girl who wanted to please her dad and so now it's not just him saying I didn't do this one thing well I hear all of these things that I didn't do well throughout our relationship I didn't know that until about six months into it and that's when I realized that they're the same people really how much we think about being direct for us isn't always an attack let me show you the opposite of it women when a woman comes home to talk to her husband she says he wants to know what's for dinner well I left work I knew we didn't have any green beans I had to go by the store get some greens beats the traffic was absolutely everywhere do not know that I had to go to Colin's where they got green beans five times for a dollar and wait in line I ran into Helen while I was there and you know I don't like Ellen and these synergist you want to take your lip and pull it completely over top of your head because I want to know who he is so so psychology teaches that women's circle around the issue you so go around the issue we we come down like a helicopter right on the issue a machete I want to call it a mercenary where your protectors but this is it a direct a direct statement from me doesn't necessarily mean I'm angry at all doesn't necessarily mean I'm angry at all and so when you get angry and defensive I feel misunderstood I got a big a man I heard it comfortably I feel misunderstood uh the three men that are in this room are praying hard for me okay so what what you have to understand is that I feel misunderstood by just being straightforward with you and and and let me say this as it relates to marriage you can get married in 30 you you can you can have a wedding in 30 minutes but it takes 30 years to have a marriage by the time you learn how to read each other you have raised your children you have buried your parents you have been in every conceivable situation together and you have drawn conclusions and the reason that this is so difficult but it starts generationally and passes down you you already have the advantage of having some sense how to read a man you know how you and I could talk across the room and never say a word okay I can talk to this girl and never part my lips we will look at each other at burst I'll start laughing and head and said a word to each other that in a instinct is very helpful in reading your husband even though sometimes you read then he's displeased with you because he said criticize something that you did but it's funny that you would say that about him because with me though I am directed we've had our moments and look at the way she's looking at me one of my greatest father/daughter moments with you was after you were started to write and you've worked me something and sent it to me and I was in LA at the time and I was busy and I was very direct and I I'm embarrassed I'm too wrecked I was I tell you what good I didn't know what you meant you needed to write it over I did when she will you later wrote the book I called you I was called you from my desk and I left a message of your voicemail and I said I was gonna read the book because I've always been their guinea pig anything they cooked I eat anything they they wrote I read so I said I'm gonna read this book because this P or my child but when I started reading it it was so well written and so well done I couldn't put it down the pace the rhythm the truth the storytelling the description was impeccable and did you taught me something you called me crying and you said I want to keep this message forever and and you said something to me that I will never forget you said because this girl is extremely deep she's real deep she said what gave your compliment so much validity is the criticism that preceded it the fact that you had the courage to tell me when I was wrong makes me believe you when you tell me I'm right we will get through this it's gonna be hard and we gonna get through this okay that trust that Trust is so important whether it's your partner or your father you've gotta be able to trust that what I'm telling you is true okay it might not be nice to hear it might not I might have landed like a helicopter came out like a machete but you have to trust number one first of all I am always gonna be for you so that never comes into play I am for you with your right I am for you when you're wrong I am for you when I'm hurt I'm for you when I'm shocked there's there there's nothing you can ever do that would change the way I feel about you that is an absolutely impossible period take that off the table and once you settle down into that and that's what you want to look for in a man if somebody who can go through tough times disappointments mistakes ride-or-die okay admittedly we all have our weaknesses okay and women often bring up two men their weaknesses but there is a difference between first of all women have weakness - and they are more merciful often about their weaknesses in ours because what we want from a woman as a as a as a husband what we want from a woman is for you to love us like you do your sons because while you looking for daddy I'm looking for mama and the way you love your sons I don't care what they do I don't care what that weird they did it I don't care which way they win I don't care what mistake they made and I don't care if they ran the red light I don't care if they robbed 7-eleven mama is still gonna be down there talking about weight what matter that's my child you pulled it your husband's your boyfriend see that and they long for that okay so they long for that that kind of love and affirmation if you can take off the table the fact that whatever I said I was still for you then how I said it becomes less powerful when you know that it's one of your teammates am in I'm on your team I'm on Team Jake's okay I'm on your team and the guy sees himself on your team so when he makes it when he makes a coaching remark you can't coach anybody for greatness and just be nice you can't do that you've not for football not for basketball not for golf a coach is a good coach when they challenge you and they get in your face and they're traveling - they're not trying to say you're not good I'm trying to get you from good to great okay and at a man a good man has to be strong enough to even withstand being misunderstood because really most of the time fathers are appreciate it more in-depth in in life because when you look back at it it looks different than in the moment when you're doing it you understand what I'm saying I think part of the reason why I have the work ethic I do is because of how you coach me through my teen pregnancy I'll never forget you telling me you can you can survive this but you're going to have to hit the ground running I think what I know now that I didn't know then was what exactly it was I was trying to survive and I think that what I thought I was trying to survive was becoming daddy's little girl again where I could be seen as innocent again and as pure again and I think when I got pregnant that coaching kind of translated to me that you were so far from that that there was going to take a lot of work for you to get there so when you talk about it was never about you being pure or innocent I assumed you were human when you cried into the world that was never the issue that seldom the issue with men we but your mother says I'm the least judgmental person she ever met we will give each other slack for days and days and days when a man says another man's a Balki's at all he's a real powwow okay he's a real bow-wow it wasn't the nature of the relationship was not built in my mind on pureness or innocence see but it was it wasn't that for me because I thought like we I was like daddy's little girl you are I know but I felt like I could do something that would make me lose that that's my possible that's not possible you can scare me to death I could be worried to death you could break my heart you could do all that kind of stuff but there's nothing you could ever ever ever do ever do that would change how I feel about you see knowing this is important because this is the first glimpse into understanding what Jesus meant when he prayed and saying our Father that that is an irrevocable relationship the rest of your life if you're 900 years old you're still my baby girl if you got no legs ship my baby girl if you are home the streets you go you steal my time don't you ever forget that don't you ever ever forget that I don't care what I don't care what and as long as I'm breathing in this world I will fight for you I will come and get you I will drive to get away car I will judge me if you want to I would I would rather get away car I will be fussing while I'm driving it I will be calling you babies heavy stuff like those sisters just stupid argue up Oh what will you think about but I will be driving the car but that that kind of understanding leads us to this should we be more temperate we learn to be more temperate with time and age but you and crushing and crushing by the way I'll be signing crushing after this at the lobby the crushing 's of life means you're raising your child at the same time you're raising yourself because this is a new role for you as a father so a lot of your fathers did not do this well because they didn't know how it's the only role a man often has to play without a script or a blueprint if he didn't see it demonstrated at home putting a ring on his finger doesn't make him a husband handed him a baby that make him a father what is what is that and then there's nothing worse than having a woman tell you what you ought to be as a man because it's like me trying to tell you what you are to be as a woman I don't know anything about being a mother what the magic your mother has with you is in a another realm all together it is mystifying it is amazing it is beautiful it is emotional I could never be her in a thousand years she could never be me so a lot of times what happens in a relationship both of you are acting like you know what you're doing and you know so you're telling him when our husband ought to be in what a man if he was any kind of man you would do so and so it's a truth is you don't know what you're talking about he's telling you when a wife are to be and what a woman are to me he doesn't know what he's talking about and the humility of admitting that neither one of us are sure it's what brings you to your knees and says god help us to do this we don't know what we're doing we don't know how to act and there are certain parts of my mother I don't want to see in me there are certain parts of my father I don't want to see in me help to burn out of me the chaff and so that I have left with the wheat so that my mother's mouth doesn't get in the conversation or my father's temper doesn't get in the conversation you know you know you know we got these ghosts we've all got these ghosts and those ghosts our relationship killers understand this that in real time speed when you confront a man he very seldom will come right back at you because we heard you but we're gonna go away and three days later we're gonna come back you know the other day when you said because we gotta go think about it because when I tell you something I wanted to be sure that that's what it is so in real time speed you loud talk to me or I'll clam up and you'll win the argument but maybe lose the war I was explaining to a brother just recently often when a woman feels attacked her weapon is her mouth so she so she she throws it at she because she feels victimized men don't really understand that because we're gonna wait three days and when I come back and tell you something I'm gonna be pretty sure so I take words seriously so when you start just defending yourself because you do you see yourself as this little girl big jump throw on or not pleasing that I take those words to heart because I wouldn't say that to you unless I thought it through so I don't know that you're still processing out loud so that quieted your hating this is why marriage is hard work getting a father-daughter relationship is it's easier because sex isn't anything and it's less complicated so so I'm clear as to what my role isn't but for you okay and if the ADA is not bad so as long as that part if a man's been out of your life for years and he wants to get back into your life the reason it doesn't go well is there's no foundation what if what he has to learn to do is not to come into your life after 25 years of being gone and try to be your father who is he and what is the nature his business and who are you on the phone no no you lost all of that you be gone for 25 years to over roll back up in here and try to be dead after being gone 25 years you you've got some foundation to build our relationship my relationship with core my relationship with you has a foundation of under it so that even when we face disappointments amongst each other it might rip up the carpet but not the foundation laying that foundation is a process that takes years one other point I want to throw in quickly we tend to raise our same gender children and spoil our different gender children a man tends to be tougher on a boy because he's trying to get him ready for what it's like to be a man and you can spoil the girl and a woman tends to be a little tougher on the girl because she knows how tough it is to be a woman but her son can get away with murder so the boys the boy fools the woman all the time my momma she just wasn't she just wasn't right land y'all be hurt no way come on over here baby you you don't need your cheetah dig down into him and men need to be dig down into I need to be confronted I need what I give so if I speak to you and say you need to do this better and that better than that matter that wasn't good I want that I need that if I trust you like that that is a privilege of having relationship with me and is is there are a few people that I want to receive that from very few and count on my hand and fingers but I want to know if I didn't do a good job and what was not good about it and how can I fix it so when I'm coaching you while I'm into it with you I'm trying to make sure you win because I don't want them to attack you I don't want them to attack you I will jump on Instagram and fight them off with or without scriptures you understand is that helpful for sure is that helpful so maybe somebody's in this room and their father wasn't in their life whether he just literally wasn't there or he was there and wasn't present and they felt like they never had a coach they never had a dad to help see them through if you could say one or two things to those women that you would want them to keep forever as a sign of what a dad speaks over your life what would you say oh my gosh we could speed it all night first of all let's go back to the man who left or quit or ran away understand the difference between weakness and wickedness you cannot live with the man successfully if you don't make that distinction because intimacy intimacy means I can trust you with my weaknesses okay you you enjoy my strength you benefited from my strength you have to be able to embrace my weaknesses or I'm not really holy there with you and then I started showing up at not being there because we are cavemen so we go in a cave and don't come out something scared us into a cage if a man's in a cave something put him in the cave and sometimes he can't get out by himself he's trapped in his own cage and getting him out doesn't mean that he doesn't want to come out it's just that he can't get out like Adam went behind the fake leaves we always go behind something when something hurts us so that's important to understand so I'm leaving may have been his cage has escaped he may have been weak in areas like your sons are weak in areas and you have to be able to embrace the weakness or you can't be his friend and the underbelly of the relationship is friendship okay now there's a sharp distinction between weakness and wickedness going into your child's bedroom at night to be that's wicked that's wicked or sick and need help I've given that okay when when a man is wicked when he is wicked that guy is dangerous that guy is abusing you he's burning you with cigarettes he's hitting you in the head your eyes bruised your jaw bone is broken that's not a weakness that's wicked from such turn away the the valuable thing I would say to the woman who had no of fathers I am I am saying first of all that God will always bring somebody into your life to give you what you didn't get it may be a grandfather it may be an uncle it may be a professor and a university there's always somebody who comes along who gives you what you didn't get here's the challenge though if you're so bitter about what you didn't get you don't have the ability to receive what God is sending from someone else in your life ultimately you you're a grown woman and when the rubber hits the road you're out there is like having a baby you are on your own sweetheart but to have the fortification of somebody who says I got your back I'm there for you I'll cover you I'll defend you I'll fight off your enemies but I might fuss at you about them when I get home cuz you brought them over yourself cuz you told her your business and that's how your business got out there and it never would have happened if you'd ascent up and you didn't have to do that yeah yeah that begins to set some ground rules I'm old school and what I'm saying is old school and it's outdated and I know people don't think this way anymore but it's hard for a woman to be without covering I don't think that you were meant to be without covering that you had to shovel the snow and drive the car and go to work and do it all Noba and raise the children by yourself and fix the door and deal with the plumber and go down to the auto mechanic and not get tricked in the deal that's a lot we all need partnership men and women I'm not saying that women are the only ones would be to you but you need that covering the the thing now is the popular thing is saying I don't need anybody I don't need anything I don't mean I'm alright by myself I make good money I went to school I got a degree I take care of myself about this house I'm fine and that's fine if you choose to do that you won't probably die alone now at 30 that's sexy alone got your own car got your own house going by yourself doing whatever you need to do I'm all right I'm fine at 60 something and 70 something that's not so sexy at all my back is out my knee is out we gotta help each other get up off the couch it is it is not always fun to grow old alone don't let your young self write a check that your old self cannot cash you don't want to do that that's one thing second thing if I were your father I would tell you this and a man needs room he needs to be needed so while I'm proud of your success God knows I am I was raised by a strong black woman educated independent made her own money I've never had a problem with the woman being a strong I've always incurred I'm married a strong I'm married the most amazing thing for me over the years was to see house extremely strong your mother here she is absolutely a superhero that these brass bands around her though she I'm telling you cease I'm a soft-spoken you don't have to puff your neck to be strong there's a difference between being mean and being strong everybody mean is not strong most people who are mean are actually weak and they're trying to defend themselves so there's a difference between being mean and being strong just because a person is soft-spoken doesn't mean that they're not strong she's been tested in the fire she's been tested in the hospital she's been tested in the labor room she's been tasted at the grit at the graveside I've seen her in so many situations where she's absolutely amazing so I don't have any problem with you being strong but the day becomes so strong that your your diploma is telling me how much you don't need me don't expect me to be attracted when you hung out a sign that said no vacancy so that means created I need to understand what I bring to your life especially when you are so gifted what do you get from me that you wouldn't get from anybody else why am i important to you why am I here and if you are at least equally as verbal about why you need me as you are verbal about what you have accomplished do you not know you just created a room for me to live in so if without that room for a man to live in he means he needs to be your hero he needs to feel significant especially if he's a minority and deals with the world that treats him as insignificant he doesn't want to come home and have that insignificance reinforced and because men right now are lost completely lost like nothing I've ever seen before the desperation for identity is staggering because we're trying to figure out as a as a species as a gender who are we now where do we fit who needs me that leads to drug abuse Affairs suicide death bringing creating that space for him to dwell in whether in the home or in the workplace if you're working with men just because you can do it doesn't mean you ought to do it delegating some area where I get to be important to feets what I need to be fed as a man in order to go forward these conversations are having conversations that we have around the dinner table all the time even if you weren't here and if you if you're a woman out there wondering what it would be like to have a father it would be like this it would be like this only there be some chicken and some potato salad and so simply some poor bread some collard greens of whatever you and their and I know we've gotten away from family dinners but that's where things get talked about and worked out and discuss you cannot just live out of our happy meals and fast cars and hold your family together I'm not even saying you got to cook it because I've made a woman they couldn't cook strong woman who couldn't cook yeah I talked Serena how to cook now to me she cooks better than me but I made a woman they couldn't cook but also married a woman who created a room for me if she wasn't competing with me I never competed with her if she's in charge I step back I step away back that's her area rule I learned not to be too helpful I learned that when she talks she doesn't want me to solve it she wants me to listen that goes against everything in me because if you brought it to me and you're upset about it my first instinct whether it's you being pregnant or whether the car won't start or whether it's somebody who gets on your nerves at work my first instinct as a man is to fix it for you and the thing that men have to learn is the woman doesn't want you to fix it she just needs to Erin that was an aha moment for me okay that was a big aha moment for me and if she was around to asking me what I think then I say something carefully but but understanding those sorts of things are very important I want to say one other thing whatever has got you heard your first husband your divorce the husband you got now hurt you cheated on you did something daddy left you whatever hurt you you have got to learn to get over it quicker you cannot put pain in your womb and let it grow inside of you until it destroys you because something else is going to happen and something else is going to have the life is like a soap opera something is going to happen all the time and after a while if you don't learn how to expel the bad and take in the good then you're gonna be a dumpster for life to the hall is trash on and all you're gonna do is grow old and be bitter and angry life demands and we get over things because other things are gonna happen and your life goes by you in a moment I cannot believe I'm sitting here talking to you I cannot believe I'm sitting on the stage talking to Sarah every time I see you I see this red and white jumper that I was in the elevator bringing up to the hospital room for you to wear home I can see it like yesterday and I can remember us coming you up and carrying you out of that hospital your mother having you in her lap in the wheelchair being brought out of the hospital and we tried to make room in our little raggedy to give you home and look at you everything happened in between now and being there everything happened I've disappointed her she's disappointed me we've gone through the ups and downs and hills and valleys just like anybody else we lost our parents we were in the hospital sleeping trying to take care of her mother trying to take care of my mother we lost both of them we buried both of them we went through all kinds of stuff along the way it's it happened so fast that what you have to do with pain is look it straight in the face and look at it from more angles than your own okay because the heart to live in with somebody is thinking from their side okay and so when you when you put yourself in their shoes their background their body of experiences then it becomes a lot better easier to get over it okay and and so you have to get over it because something else is gonna happen next week you gonna look up next weekend somebody's in the hospital somebody got run over by a car you look up two weeks from now you know you're standing on stage good and bad things happen over and over and over again but because your nurturers about nature your nurture is about nature it works out good for us in your womb it works out good for us in your bed but it works out bad for you if you take that nurturing skill and use it in your mind to nurture negative painful hurtful images that you hold in the womb of your mind for years and years and feed them you breastfeed your pain by bringing it up again and rehearsing it with other people and talking about other people about it you keep it alive and so the same that what the enemy is trying to do is use your god-given instincts against you Eve was a nurturer she was a caretaker she had breasts she was going to be a feeder he took everything about her that was amazing and used it against her to tear down the situation she was in so you have to be careful because the problem with being a gifted is that it has every moon has a dark side when we say it's a full moon it's never a full moon they're still as much darken serious life okay and so what you have to understand about life and about people is that there is a dark side and you have to deal with all of that if you're gonna have a whole relationship and be strong and the only way you can deal with it is emptying out of your home everything every bitter toxic angry I'm gonna show them vindictive thing because you won't have enough energy to be successful success takes a lot of energy and you're spending too much energy on proximity to have the power that's necessary to break through the barrier between mediocrity and too great as a thick wall between mediocrity and greatness is a thick wall and you need both your hands-free and your feet free you gotta kick it and punch it and stop it and you don't have time to be bitter about nothing you gotta get your hands-free because you only got a minute and your baby's gonna be grown and you're gonna be grey haired you blink again you're gonna be in a casket or a nursing home you don't have you can't afford to be confused thirty years you can't afford to be upset for 15 years you gotta get over this you can sit 10 years and over ten years ago eight years ago for right now it's real popular to go back ten years ago and 12 years ago and five it's real popular that might make good ratings for news stations but that's horrible for life because about that standard you will have nobody in your at all we have two minutes left would you pray over us from the perspective of a father okay let's read oh yeah this is big in our culture we don't see it as big in the Latino culture we might not see it as big but our Bible is written in the Hebrew culture where the pronouncing of a father's blessing is a patriarchal blessing that is so powerful and I want every woman in this room who's had daddy issues to come to this altar as quickly as you can daddy issues turn into marital issues I don't trust you to the Contras my dad I don't think he's gonna stay I got abandonment issues I'm angry I'm fearful I'm afraid to open up I'm afraid to give myself I'm afraid to trust I don't feel pretty I don't feel valuable I don't understand man I'm hurt I've been through all kinds of stuff you can't let your past rob your future that's too much power to give folks who have gone on about their business if they can live without you you live without there let them people go let the people go if you could get over me I can get over you I cry here you ain't crying I see you in the club smiling at par do you think I will be home crying I'm gonna do like David and washing my face and anoint my head and going with my life I taught my daughters to be strong to be self-reliant to have a man because you want one not because you need one to be able to take care of yourself to have a vision for yourself to have a dream for yourself so that you can be partners together in life equally contributing something to life top my daughters to have a vision and to fight for it and to have a mind too much emotions not enough mine everybody got emotions but they don't need to be drive in the old car you do not want emotions to drive your car it's going to affect your finances it's going to fake your future everything else because money is a science it's not an art it does not respond to emotions business does not respond to emotions success does not respond to emotions and success don't care how you feel about it girl it does not care how you feel about it get your emotions out from behind the wheel there you grown women forgive your father that's why we can't forget you there are no perfect people go whatever drove had probably had nothing to do with you he's strung out on drugs he was gay he'll have them to do with you God still used it to bring you into this world thank you lord I'm here I may be black I baby ugly but I've been here we left the white women habit - you can have it - and the Hispanic women you can have it - amazing women you can have it - it's the color purple we'll all use it okay the right hand of blessing of the Father over your life I speak what your father couldn't I speak blessings over your life I decree and declare that you will be whole and healthy that you will be a sub diver and strong that your visions will come to pass in your lifetime that you will eat the fruit of your labor in spite of a crushing said have happened in your life that God would bring wine out of those moments in your life that threatened to destroy your I decree and declare that your latter day should be greater than your former day had to free and declare that every glass ceiling will be shattered that every closed door will be open that people will recognize your Worth and pay you for your value and not for your gender I decree and declare I raised my hand over tours in your womb I speak life to your belly I speak deliverance to your body I rebuke cancer out of your breasts I rebuke nodules out of your womb I rebuke gross I rebuke them now in the name of Jesus I speak to your blood I speak healing into your blood I speak healing into your blood system I speak healing / HIV I speak healing over every disease that will come against you diabetes hypertension emotional disorders and finally I raised my hand the blessing over your mind I speak peace to your mind sometimes your mind is working against you it stops you from peace but today I decree and declare that the peace of God be upon you from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet I decree and declare that you will live and not die that you will live and not die that you will be strong you will be by thee how to create declare that God will raise up people around your life and you will stop running from them and they will strengthen your vision and strengthen your dream and your capacity to receive would be endless in larger courts my borders and strengthen your stakes because your latter day shall be greater than your former day what God is about to do with you is bigger than anything imagine your life and we touch a degree and we receive it now in the name of Jesus every woman that's got a mouth open your mouth up to God [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] and as I close I'm out of time I'm go hug my daughter when I hug my daughter I'm hugging you I'm hugging you I want you to see your father your heavenly father your natural father your stepfather your grandfather your uncle I want you to rest your head in the covering of love this day I'm here because I love [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] give it away [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Sarah Jakes Roberts

Views: 408,100

Rating: 4.9324365 out of 5

Keywords: sarah jakes roberts, sarah jakes, pastor sarah, pastor sarah jakes, woman evolve, sarah jakes roberts 2019, sarah jakes 2019, Sarah Jakes 2020

Id: NZFXURdPnFQ

Length: 64min 16sec (3856 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 21 2020