- [Interviewer] All right, Bee. - Hey. - [Interviewer] Bee, where'd you grow up, where are you from originally? - [Bee] I grew up in Marin, but I was born in San Francisco. Marin, like in Fairfax. - [Interviewer] Mhm. Tell me about your childhood. - I kind of had a really
solitary childhood I guess. I raised myself. I ran away when I was 12. I just kind of like did
what I could for money, so I started selling drugs. - [Interviewer] At 12? - Yeah, at 12. I was like already an adult at 12. I met this guy and we moved to Santa Rosa, and I went back to
school when I was like 16 and just kind of tried to like go back to school like I never left, and they ended up giving
me like a GED test and I graduated early. So then I was like, yeah
I'm totally an adult now, like, you know, and so I just started just doing like CNA, like taking care of elders and selling dope at the same time. So, I was making a lot of money. I was taking care of a bunch of people, and it just overwhelmed me a lot, so I ended up going to jail a lot, and I spent most of my like
adult life in jail so far. - [Interviewer] How old are you now? - I'm 29. - [Interviewer] So drug use started early for you it sounds like? - No, believe it or not it did not. - [Interviewer] So you we're
selling but you weren't using? - Yeah, I was selling drugs
up until like two years ago, so like 13 years or something. - [Interviewer] So the drug
use just started recently? - Yeah, it started like
four or five years ago. - [Interviewer] Wow. - Yeah. I had this boyfriend that was like beating me up like really bad, and he was like stalking me. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't go to work, and he ended up like smashing
my face through this TV and I started using because I was like in so much pain
all the time, you know? A friend of mine convinced me that it was like a good
idea to do Oxycontin, it would help with the pain, and so it just like stuck. So I went from Oxycontin
to heroin to cocaine, and now it's like crack and fentanyl. Yeah. So it's only been like four or five years, and it's like moving on up. You know? - [Interviewer] So, how do
your support your drug habit? - You know, I was so tired of
going to jail all the time. I did a prison sentence in county, which is like worse than prison, and so I moved away from
Marin and came to the city. I didn't wanna sell dope anymore so I tried like everything that I could. Like, I was doing a lot
of like strong arms, and then I did a lot of pimping, and then, you know,
all that type of stuff, and then I tried to get
sober and met my wife, and I started working at Chipotle. (laughs) You know? And that was cool. And then after my wife, she actually passed
away like two years ago. - [Interviewer] I'm sorry. - Yeah, and she was like everything I had, so I kind of just like
started doing, I guess worse. You know? And when you're doing worse, you kind of start doing stuff you told yourself you'd never do. (laughs) You know what I mean? So, yeah, now I'm like an escort. You know? Something I always promised
myself I'd never do. So, you know, I'm just dealing with that. But it's good money, shit. You know what I mean? Kind of makes it worth it. - [Interviewer] Is it dangerous sometimes? - No. It's more dangerous for them if anything, you know what I mean? So, I've never actually like had any bad situations
like that, you know? - [Interviewer] How long
have you been doing it? - Like a year and a half now. Yeah. - [Interviewer] And
you're doing it no pimp, you're just doing it on your own? - Oh no, hell no. Yeah, never that. - [Interviewer] Yeah. And you do it through the
internet, online stuff? - Online stuff, yeah. It's more like, like people
pay me for like my company. - [Interviewer] Yeah. - You know? I'm pretty good entertainment. - [Interviewer] It's not always sex? - Yeah, you know. - [Interviewer] What can you make in like an hour or something? - An hour, like $700. - [Interviewer] Really? - Yeah, yeah. It's pretty cool. It's good stuff, you know? And I get to like, you know, only go as far as I'd like to. You know? - [Interviewer] Do you get asked
to do a lot of crazy stuff? - Oh yeah, hell yeah. A lot of weird stuff, you know? It's kind of hard like sometimes though 'cause I'm more interested
in like women, you know? So, it's kind of like,
I guess, gay for pay. It's kind of what it's
like for me, you know? - [Interviewer] Does this
lifestyle get you down sometimes? Are you depressed or? - Yeah a lot actually. It's hella hard to deal with. You know? It was cool until like
my wife passed away. I've just been like dealing
with that, you know? So I like relapsed when she passed away, and I just like haven't stopped, so, yeah. - [Interviewer] And your customers, the guys that you'll date, do you respect these guys, do
you just tolerate them, or? - I just kind of try to
like put on my acting face and like blackout kinda, you know? When I was kid I used to
like disassociate a lot, like when I was dealing with
like abuse and stuff like that, so I just kind of like
go away for a second. You know what I mean? - [Interviewer] Right. - Yeah. It kinda helps. You know? - [Interviewer] Are you saving money? - No, not at all. - [Interviewer] No? - No. I smoke like a thousand
dollars worth of crack a day. - [Interviewer] Really? - Yeah. It's a lot. - [Interviewer] Do you believe in karma? - Yeah. You know, it's so funny that you say that 'cause I do believe in karma. You know, I was just telling
somebody the other day, like I had this like revelation, and I feel like I'm living somebodies like second life sentence. Does that make sense? - [Interviewer] Mhm. - You know, like, you can't really do a second life sentence unless
you're in a new life, right? Yeah. 'Cause I feel like I'm paying
for somebodies karma for sure. - [Interviewer] Is there
anything that you do, whether it's turning tricks or doing drugs or anything like that that you feel you're doing anything that would affect your karma? - Oh, hell yeah. You know, like when I
first started using crack I was like so embarrassed, you know? It's like, dude, crack was in like the 70s
or the 80s or whatever, like, people still do that shit? You know what I mean? It just doesn't sound right. Just like, crack, you know? So. - [Interviewer] It's
still a very popular drug. - Yeah, hell yeah it is. And so, I would go in the bathroom a lot and like lie about stuff and tell people I was just like using the bathroom for hours, like. You know, and when people
started finding out I kind of didn't wanna like
go through it by myself so I'd like get people
to start smoking with me, and, you know. I still like think about
it a lot, you know? Just like, I should have like, probably like, you know, I don't know I try to be the
best person that I can be. You know, and like these streets and like situations out here can like really wear people down. And like, make people do. - [Interviewer] Yeah,
'cause it's just hard to be around people that are. - Yeah, like. - [Interviewer] Everyone's
doing something shady. - Exactly, and so it's like, you gotta try to kind of like. - [Interviewer] Including you. - Yeah, you know what I mean? And like, I feel like out here, like nobody is really like
mindful of other people, so I'm like trying to be mindful even though nobody else is. It's just really hard. - [Interviewer] Do you
have anyone in your life that you truly trust and who really looks out for you, your best interest? - No. - [Interviewer] Do you have friends? Acquaintances? - Yeah, I guess, yeah, you know? Yeah I'll go with that. - [Interviewer] Does shame
play a part in your life? - Yeah definitely. It's hard to like deal
with a situation like doing something on your list
of shit you'll never do, like, you know, and then you wake up in the morning, you're like fuck I did
that shit and it sucks. You know, and then you have to like live the rest of your life
like thinking about it. - [Interviewer] What are
your biggest regrets? - I definitely shouldn't have ran away. You know? I feel like my life probably would have been like way different. Yeah. I think that's about it. I don't know. Working really sucks. - [Interviewer] How do you feel like this lifestyle has changed you? You've been kind of working the streets since you were a young girl. - Yeah. I mean like, I don't know. I'm definitely like, I don't know, street savvy and stuff. I don't know. Sometimes people tell me I'm charismatic. You know what I mean? So I guess it's kind of made me a little well rounded somehow. - [Interviewer] Do you
feel like you're addicted, not just to the drug but
to the lifestyle as well? - Yeah definitely, 'cause, you know, when I got sober I still was like selling dope, and you know doing stuff that. - [Interviewer] Like working at Chipotle was probably just too boring. - Yeah it was. It was like so boring and I was like falling
asleep at the register and stuff like that, you know what I mean? So, I ended up getting laid off, and, you know, it's just,
I wasn't able to like maintain my like career choice, you know, because all of my felonies
and stuff like that, just didn't work out. - [Interviewer] Do you
ever just stand back and look at your crazy life, and go man how did this all happen? - [Bee] Yeah, like every day. Sometimes I'm just like at home smoking, and just like thinking
about it, just like, fuck. You know? - [Interviewer] Can you imagine
settling down, having kids? - [Bee] Yeah, like you know,
it's definitely something. - [Interviewer] Being a mom? - [Bee] That's what I like
really wanna do actually and it just like sucks, you know? 'Cause I wouldn't wanna, like put a child in the same situation I was in. - [Interviewer] No you wouldn't. - [Bee] You know? So, sometimes I'm like great idea, and then I'm like not a good idea. You know? But it's sad. You know? I'm almost 30 and that's what is like really
stressing me out right now. - [Interviewer] Is that
what you worry about most? - [Bee] Yeah, you know, 30's like. - [Interviewer] You're giving up life by living this life. - [Bee] Yeah, 30s like, dude, I like should have done way more. - [Interviewer] You'll see women that have been out here since they were your age and they're. - [Bee] Yeah and they're like 60 now and like still doing the same shit. I'm like no, please don't let it be me. - [Interviewer] Do you think
there's something inside your like subconscious that makes you feel like
this is what you deserve? - [Bee] No. I don't think I deserve this. I think I'm just being lazy. That's all it is. - [Interviewer] You do
deserve a better life? - [Bee] Yeah I definitely do. I mean I was sober with my wife for like two years, you know? And it was cool, you know? I just like exercised and like watched TV. - [Interviewer] That's great. - Yeah that stuff's pretty cool, you know? It's a lot better than like stressing out about making money for crack and like trying to make money so you can fucking make
other people happy. - [Interviewer] Yeah. - You know? - [Interviewer] Is that the
only time you've been in love? - No, not really. I mean, kind of, like she, I feel like just
because she like left me before I got to say bye and stuff, and we were fighting, you know? I feel like that is why it's
like sticking a lot, you know? I mean of course I loved her, and she was like the love of my life, but I don't know. I keep trying to replace her
with other people right now. You know, I'm like guy, girl, fuck, I don't give a fuck if
you're a squirrel, shit. You know what I mean? If you've got a good personality, please come distract me. Like, you know what I mean? I try to find these little
traits that remind me of her. You know, which is hard. - [Interviewer] What do
you think living this life and interacting with the
people that you do work with has taught you about human nature? Like do you respect men less? Do you? - You know, I just like
feel bad for people. You know what I mean? Sometimes I'm just like, damn
I would hate to be like that. You know what I mean? - [Interviewer] 'Cause
you're seeing people at their most devious? - Yeah basically, that's exactly the word
I was thinking of too, is like sexual deviancy
is just like crazy, I'm just like whoa. - [Interviewer] But now that
you've been exposed to it. - Yeah. - [Interviewer] Over
and over and over again, do you think you could
ever live a square life? - Oh yeah definitely. I can't wait to get the
fuck over this shit. (interviewer laughs) - [Interviewer] Good for you. - Yeah, hell yeah. - [Interviewer] That's funny. - Hell yeah. - [Interviewer] Good answer. What's the most important
lesson you've learned? - God, dude I don't even know. I couldn't even tell you really, it's just like so many. Like, you know, you can't fucking
go to sleep around people. You know? - [Interviewer] Where do you live? - I just like got housing, you know? Like this corona shit is like whoop whoop. You know what I mean? - [Interviewer] You were
on the street before? - Yeah I was. Well I wasn't like really on the street, 'cause like, you know, I
make really good money, so I was living in like
hotels, like, you know? But. - [Interviewer] You
just go night by night? - Yeah. And you know, and that
shit sucks, you know? So, but, you know, I
have really bad asthma and I spend a lot of time
in like ICU and stuff. So, yeah, so luckily the like corona thing kind of like worked in my favor, you know? So I ended up getting housing. I'm supposed to move into
my place like this week. You know? So I'm really excited, you know? It's kind of something
to like look forward to. It's on my list of things
to do before I'm 30. Like, get housing. It's like a huge sign of
stability and stuff, you know? Yeah. - [Interviewer] What's the craziest thing you've seen in your years on the street? - Oh my god. - [Interviewer] Since 12 years old? - So many. I've seen like so many crazy people. I've seen people like
get shot, stabbed, raped, fucking robbed, everything dude. I've seen so much shit. I've seen people fucking in the street, like it's just crazy. I fucking, I'm just like whoa. Nothing even phases me
anymore to be honest. Yeah. But, you know the craziest
thing that I have done is like, okay, I never thought I'd
say this like on camera too, but I recently like had
a client that was like, out of nowhere was just like
will you pee on my face? And I was like dude, yes. It made me feel so much better. I had to hold my girlfriends
hand and stuff though, 'cause I was like, come on, you're gonna share this moment with me. But yeah, it made me feel a lot better. - [Interviewer] Is it something
that you feel better to. - Yeah, just in general. - [Interviewer] Just disrespect him? - I mean, shit, he liked it, so is it really disrespect? You know? - [Interviewer] You know, whatever it is. Do you have kids? - No I have no kids, but I'm like, I like want
kids really bad to be honest. You know it's just like, I just keep choosing the
wrong people, and you know, and it's hard to have babies
with a girl, you know? So. - [Interviewer] What do you think makes you keep choosing the wrong people? - You know what, I think it's just 'cause
like anybody to distract me. You know? 'Cause if I'm like by myself, that's when I like freak out. And you know, it's hard
for me to be by myself. Like I literally cannot walk outside without people being like, Bee. You know what I mean? There's like people following me, like it's crazy, you know? So it's like, it's just
whoever's there, really. And everybody's always there. - [Interviewer] And everyone
on the streets knows you? - Yeah. It's like crazies. I don't even know like anybody. You know these people just know me, and you know, they like
watch me all the time. It's crazy, so. - [Interviewer] If you
could live a new life, what would you wish would
have been different? - You know, I should have just like not done dope that day. You know, a lot of stuff,
actually, you know. Maybe I shouldn't have sold it. I don't even know. I couldn't tell you. Everything kind of
seemed like a wrong turn. - [Interviewer] Do you regret
not living a square life? - Kinda. You know? But I feel like that was kind of like a decision that like,
whoever God or somebody made, you know, like, when I was
a kid, you know what I mean? - [Interviewer] Are you religious? - Yeah, yeah. I wasn't like for a while, because my mom, she's like
crazy Christian lady, you know? And, yeah, so I was like
totally like, anarchy. You know? But, now that I'm older
I'm like of course, like I understand better, you know? So, I definitely believe
in like my God, I guess. That's a way to think about it. Yeah. - [Interviewer] All right Bee. Thank you so much for sharing your story. - Yeah. - [Interviewer] It was
very nice talking with you. - God it's so hot in here. I almost started crying,
god I hate that I do that. - [Interviewer] Everybody cries.
