Cops, What Fake Sounding Excuses Were REAL? (r/AskReddit)

cops offered it what's the most bull sounding excuse you've got that actually turned out to be true not a cop but my dad rolls cigars he uses this white powder called vegetable gum to seal the wrapper you mix it with some water and it gets sticky and clear in powder form it looks similar to see my dad had a massive bag on him after a rolling event one night and got pulled over for a traffic violation they saw the bag of powder laying in a box and asked what it was and my dad told them I guess they didn't believe him because they called back up they had my dad cuffed while they tested it and sure enough it came back as Nazi they let him go but it still cracks me up hearing the story not a cop but my dad rolls cigars Lal wax sentence had a domestic in progress I responded that you're in Christmas Day and the excuse for them fighting was and not mad at each other we're just upset because we wanted to surprise the kids for Christmas we got some deer dress them up now they're destroying our house it turns out there was literally three fully grown white-tailed deer in the house somehow dressed with full bail harnesses like Santa's reindeer I had to call the game wardens down who were then able to help me remove the deer from the property without injury to deter them how they managed to get the deer and dress them up is still a mystery to this day okay so legit answer one night I'm out working and as I go down the street fairly nice middle-class area surrounded by some high crime neighborhoods around midnight I see a dude on a bike no lights on pulling a lawn mower behind him on a rope I immediately flip a 180 and light him up recognized the guy as a local homeless dude with some pride burglary theft arrests I walk up and just open with dude come on guy holds his hands out and swears he didn't steal the lawnmower claims someone just gave it to him I asked who and he doesn't know a name so I demand he tell me where to find said lawnmower owner the directions he gave were literally go that way a bit then right at a stop sign and take one of those side streets that way it's about half way down a street at a house that has a pickup and a car in the driveway by this point back up arrived so I'll leave him in the presence of backup and drive off in search of his mythical donor odd lawn equipment I made a decent guess as to the first turn then flipped her mental coin as to which of the next three side streets he would have gone down I pick the second of the three streets and start down it every other freaking house has a truck and car combo there must have been a dozen houses that match the description pathway down I see an average looking house and go ehh I'll try this one after all it's midnight and this is a wild goose chase gallop ring the doorbell middle-aged dude comes to the door hello sir have you been giving away lawnmowers to random sketchy homeless guys at midnight today yes as a matter of fact he had home owner goes on to complain to me that his wife was upset as his continued inability to get the mower running and had ordered him with some severity to remove the Miller from the house or face the consequences he pushed it to the curb right as homeless guy rode by and the latter had asked and received his permission to take it I drove back in shock and amazement apologized to homeless guy and sent him on his way a few months later we ran into each other at a nearby gas station and he told me had turned out just to need a new spark plug and that he had gotten a grunning again before going on to sell it for 150 dollars to someone for years after whenever I would run into him he would always make sure to remind me of the money he made from selling that stolen lawnmower law man the odds of guessing the right street and house one of the funnier ones that I remember we got a call for a kid he was a teen and a gang member brandishing a firearm he had pulled up his shirt pretending to brandish a firearm to intimidate somebody the person calling only saw holster after we got there he kept telling us it wasn't a gun but a corn cob we took him down at gunpoint and he was right he was walking around with a holstered black dildo why because he could have the balls on this guy seriously not really an excuse but shock the crap out of me I've always been told a diabetic with high blood sugar acts the same as someone who is drunk get a call for a car all over the road hitting trash cans on the side of the road and whatnot we stop the car and get the driver out he's slurring his speech like no other can't maintain his balance to save his life fails all the sobriety tests but blue zeros on the PBT he denied drinking and swears up and down he didn't do any drugs never mentions the diabetes we're all scratching our heads and I remember the blood sugar thing call medical till our location and sure as crap his blood sugar was 550 and he finally remembers that he hadn't taken insulin in eight hours my dad is an officer and he pulled someone over for speeding and running a red light and they said their breast implant burst he called ends to rush them to the hospital and turned out it did and it's actually very dangerous if they leak not the cop in this story but someone crashed into a tree on their way to work and most people have an excuse as to why they weren't at fault when they crash in this particular case the woman said an owl flew into her car and she swerved off the road into a tree anyway said cop gets into the car to move it for the tow truck and sure enough an owl flies from the backseat past the officers face and out the front window surprises the cop scared the crap out of him I imagine the owl was included in the diagram of the accident report I want to see this diagram not a cop I am an attorney I had a client who agreed to cooperate in a criminal matter he was charged in a drive-by shooting as part of the cooperation he had to divulge where his gun came from he told the prosecutor that he found it in a tree the prosecutor got angry at the response he began to lambaste my client when the detective said wait I had a case where the shooter claimed to have hidden his gun in a tree but it wasn't there when we went to get it he asked my client where the tree was located same tree I was as surprised as the prosecutor that he had told the truth was doing a tour as an MP not my normal job but whole other story and we got called on a domestic at the house there is this huge corn-fed guy about six feet four inches and 275 and a petite asian girl about four ten inches and ninety five pounds soaking wet the whole house was in disarray and the call had come because of yelling heard by the neighbors she was crying and talking in an Asian language that none of us understood and kept gesturing toward her huge husband he wasn't talking we wrap him up take him to the station and are trying to interview him but he's not saying much we intend to charge him with domestic assault we noticed somewhere along the way that he has horrible welts all along the backs of his hands and along his forearms it took a lot of trying if we finally got out of him that his wife would beat him with wire coat hangers when she was mad and apparently that was pretty off him he was too embarrassed to admit to anybody that he was being abused by his wife who was less than a third of his size we finally got it straightened out turned her over to the local police and barred her from base hopefully the guy got the help he needed not a cop family friend was pulled a guy over who was speeding profusely guy was obviously disheveled he said he was headed to the hospital because he had a tick on his dog cop was confused when he escorted him there then waited in the lobby to check on him see if he was blowing smoke after a while he asked the desk what was going on why I took so long to take the tick off his penis her reply it wasn't on it it was in it popped a college kid for crappy driving and pulled a hundred grams of weed off of him also a one pound glass pipe shaped like a huge nail no biggie also find weed under the other college kids in the car driver falls on the sword and tells me all of it hisses and lets his friends walk free I like this kid however during the search we find package that is in the cellophane of a cigarette pack with the top melted closed AGGA dominant intensifies ask kid if he's dealing at he's at school tell him I'm aware or the prescription pill epidemic he says no one spends a huge yarn about how he only carries a few because he's had his orange pill bottle stolen so many times kid seems like a pretty good dude I decided to take the x-files approach supervisor tells me pursue charges for dealing blah blah blah I tell the kid he has one chance to prove he's telling the truth shows me the broken glass under his driver's seat from a vehicle burglary kotor do better i follow behind him back to his door he lets me in and shows me the busted footlocker he kept them in under his bed dunno kinda week supervisors telling me to hurry and and drop the axe tell him to do better he calls one of the soccer team assistants up and we meet him in the locker room shows me the little wooden locker which has a broken lock and assistant coach tells me they have replaced the lock on his cabinet three times campus security as numerous reports of medicine theft from this kid nice I call supervisor up and tell him I have no grounds to pursue delivery charges poor bastard just kept getting his adair all jacked and being the big dumb meatball he was he started packaging them like that I end up talking to his best friend breaking up a house party a couple months later friend tells me kid is a stand-up guy who only uses we do to extreme anxiety totally believable from my interaction with him and has never sold anything in his life friends thanked me and told me his buddies spoke well of me friend also tells me he had to drive his buddy to the hospital a few hours after I left from a panic attack due to the whole incident I felt bad for the kid so now whenever I see him smoking up in his car in the mall parking lot I just wave when do we put you in charge of all police former cop here I was behind a vehicle that couldn't stay in the lane kept swerving etc it was 1:00 a.m. and I think another drunk idiot on the road pull him over guy is a straight-up butthole to me cursed me out yelling at me and I notice his speech is slurred I get him out to car and I can smell a fruity smell on his breath and he has to lean against the car for support I asked him how much he had to drink and he tells me to freak off by this point I am ready to bring him in for a DUI but I just had a free something wasn't right I call them Stu come check him blood sugar was at 40 not drunk just a diabetic if I would have arrested him he probably would have died before I finished the paperwork go with your gut if something doesn't seem right not a cop but I did get stopped by one for eating a taco I worked at a community college in LA that had a high school right next to it well there was a lot of drugs sold through the fence at the high school so there was always a cops driving up and down the street between the schools couldn't get a parking pass since I just worked at the school so I always parked on that street hit up Taco Bell for lunch and was sitting in my car eating my double decker tacos when a cop drove past next thing I know he's flipping a u-turn and heading right for me he slides to a stopped driver window to drive a window and yells at what the heck do you think you're doing stunned I just said eating my lunch well he isn't buying it and says I'm hiding something I just hold up my taco and look so confused he burst out laughing and peeled out saw him a few times after that and he always waved and had the biggest grin on his face not a cop but I have a very common name and got pulled over for driving across the medium and there was a warrant out for me for rape and assault or something as it turns out a guy with the exact same name and birthday born in the same city as this and it took me about 20 minutes if pleading to get the officers to realize I did not match the description I deal with this dude every once in a while as it turns out our socials are off by one digit if I ever see him we are going to have a long talk good god how the heck it's like the opposite of having a look-alike my first ever real call was for a flasher at the local park when I got there and finally found him it was a mentally impaired young man 16-17 who had a pair of headphones on in a full poohbear I said hey man come here what the heck is going on you know you have to keep your pants on especially at the park he goes on to tell me he had bad itching down his pants and couldn't take it anymore so he had to rip his pants off and was running home to get help I said mom you couldn't make it home first he said no I hadn't seen my pants I sure as crap according to more than one witness's account he had been sitting in a sandbox playing at the park and accidentally on a nest of red ants ant had crawled up his pant legs I love that this was your first call I'm running booking one night guy gets brought in for possessing a truly stupendous amount of drugs I am talking like two rubber May toads full of shrooms a huge bag of weed and enough age to overdose half the county well says hey I'm a bee informant and they told me to make the drop so they could be there and raid the crap out of everybody and let me go for helping a ha reai iight faith left please guy is like I'm telling you dude fear gonna be soo who poppy that you country retards fricked up fire bust at whatever get in the holding cell and shut up about three hours later three guys show up DEA agents fear super pee that our deputies fricked up fire bust I go back to the holding cell to let the guide out and he's just like Thea super P ha yep tell you so former US Coast Guard and actually did law enforcement for those unfamiliar the Carolinas in the states and especially Wrightsville Beach Myrtle Beach new Topsail Lockwood's folly along the NCSC border are overflowing with drunk and all stupid boaters during the summers especially with UNCW nearby drunk college kids on the water everywhere doing reckless crap BW is illegal charters freaking around outside of the channel cutting boughs speeding ignoring no-wake zones and even the odd drug trafficking illegal firearms trafficking charges suffice it to say combined with hurricane season we were quite busy from May September one Friday afternoon our rod gets a call-out on channel 16 like 9-1-1 for boaters from a captain calling in a pontoon boat that'ss flips and twenty young intoxicated males in the water we arrived on scene with another 47 feet from a nearby station and are fishing these drunk idiots from the water but they pack 24 people on boat a 14 person pontoon boat and of course it flipped as we're pulling them out literally all of them were drunkenly threatening us with their daddy's law firm it was like a crappy 90s teen Mt viii rom-com come to life we just rolled our eyes zip-tied em didn't pack enough cuffs and 90% of them were combative drunk even seeing the pistols on our hips rifles shotguns slings turns out it was an entire frat of future lawyers studying at Ellen whose fathers were all lawyers as well still didn't save them from the local US Attorney and reckless operation of a boat BWI and licensed captain et Cie charges still was surreal with dozens of drunk 20-year old dudes wailing and telling us their daddy would sue us don't even get me started on jet-skier stories not a cop but I had a run-in with one that was really funny once when I was 18 I was on a double date with a friend and we stepped out of a restaurant to smoke a cop came up and started harassing us telling us there had been break-ins into cars in the area eventually he said he needed to Pat us down and he pulled a brown paper bag out of my friend's pocket he got a smug look on his face and asked so what's in here Huck my friend said the emancipation proclamation with a completely straight face the cop opened the bag pulled out a small booklet got embarrassed and let us go my friend had been to the Lincoln museum earlier that day and did actually have a small copy of the Emancipation Proclamation in his pocket mid July in like 2008 young kid going 93 in a 55 I swing and he immediately pulls over approaching the car his first words before I can even start speaking my dog died he hung himself I gotta get back before my mom gets home what jpg' anyway he calls other family members his aunt uncle and two cousins come out to the stop and between all their sobbing they verify that the dog had actually hopped over the fence on a leash runner and couldn't get back over everyone's crying now they showed me a photo on their phone apparently they found the dog and called the kid at work and he just left I didn't even bother verifying further than that cousin drove the kids car back so they could take care of a dog and prepare for mom some said that I should have wrote him but losing an animal enough he knew he flicked up and adding financial burden to him wasn't going to help him or me I'm glad there are cops out there who understand both how horrible losing a dog is and how financially hard it is to get a ticket as a kid insurance is already too high of course kids should be more careful and it's not the cops fault they got pulled over but you did the right thing in this scenario I was driving with my fiance and we went through a roadblock where they checked registration and crap and we get to the cops and they asked for our registration I'm sitting in the passenger seat so I open up the glove box and right there is a clear and marked baggie filled to the brim with catnip I completely forgot it was there and just froze wide-eyed I turned to look at the cop signing his light through my open window and he's frozen to just staring at the baggie with this look on his face like really I just started immediately professing oMG I swear to god this is catnip you can take it and smell it or test it or whatever like I swear and at this point it's just so ridiculous that I start cracking up and the cop takes it and reasonably deduces I'm telling the truth and he starts laughing and calls his partner over and tells her what happened and they both just cackle dawei for a minute and sent us on our way cat weed good thing they weren't cat cops my dad was a cop and my favorite story of his goes like this he's a young cop in a rough neighborhood it's so late that the stop lights are flashing red meaning treated like a stop sign out of nowhere this pink caddy goes rolling through the intersection my dad pulls him over a big black dude was driving the caddy had fur interior dyes in the mirror a real pimp car if you know what I mean my dad goes sir do you know you ran that light back there and this guy says officer I do believe I got between the flashes my dad was laughing so hard he had to let the guy go I can just imagine the dudes thought process when he saw the flashing red light cop here got a call of a domestic dispute that sounded very heated and a lot of banging was heard again a scene and I can hear someone yelling and swearing and bro doesn't sound good at all guy answers the door shirt off and angry but seems bewildered as to why police had been called he told me he was building IKEA furniture sounds like the most bull's thing but we enter see the new IKEA furniture half set up and no one else's home the color me surprised oh man totally been there before haha this was my favorite story from my fourth-grade teacher not a cop she went to her cousin's wedding in mid-july the cousin had overestimated how much champagne they would need at the reception and was giving away bottles to anyone who was interested so my teacher took three and put them in the backseat of her car again this was a hot summer day in July after saying their goodbyes my teacher her husband and her parents piled into the car and pulled out onto the highway where two bottles burst open spraying champagne everywhere and causing quite a ruckus of course while this was happening the car was webbing as the driver was also getting bathed in sparkling champagne so it came as no surprise that as soon as they collected themselves they saw the familiar flashing lights off a state trooper and pulled over according to my teacher the first thing the cop said was I'm not gonna ask if you've been drinking because I can smell it from here my teacher tried explaining what had happened but the cop wouldn't hear of it and ordered everyone out of the car that's when the cop saw that everyone both drivers and passengers were dressed in their finery but soaked with champagne and looking quite shaken a cursory search showed the open bottles but the cop still insisted on a quick sobriety check just to make sure that must have been a sight you have been visited by the ingenious Joe comment brain so you always see the glass half-full if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 145,429

Rating: 4.8959107 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, cop stories, police stories, cops of reddit, crazy excuses, most absurd excuses, craziest excuses, crazy excuses that work

Id: AEsOdYAv_Ug

Length: 21min 50sec (1310 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 23 2020