Boss, Do I Really Need to Explain This to You?

i had to explain to my boss that jewish people can physically consume pork but choose not to what is the most ridiculous thing you have ever had to explain to a superior at your job pristine i use the word pristine discussing backing up some files as in the files will be in pristine condition he stopped the meeting the got angry he thought i was making the word up said he never heard of that word before told me not to use made up words in a beating or i'd be written up told me not to use made up words in a beating or i'd be written up there is only one correct response go for it then bring a dictionary to the hr meeting along with a copy of your hr policy this way you can point out that you weren't making up words but even if you were it's a bull's reason for a write-up haven't done it yet but i'm going to have to explain to my boss why since my job involves a good deal of computer programming telling me that i spend too much time on the computer at my performance review is stupid oh god good luck had to explain to a co-worker that english is spoken in the majority of canada he had thought that french was the native language every time he talked to a canadian he informed them of the perfect english they spoke lol i've come across that as well and i live in calgary once got a package from someone in the us with the labels written in french i live in new mexico we're part of the usa not mexico not another country a lot of people have trouble grasping this unlike those foreigners in new england i once had to explain to a supervisor that despite my native michigan being pretty far north i am in fact an american citizen and not canadian as he had thought can't cite but i recall reading once that back in the late 70s early 80s citibank discovered that its credit department had for several months been routinely rejecting all credit card applications from new mexico because they didn't do business with customers who didn't have a us address an italian-american friend of mine had to explain to her grad school roommates that the garlic and garlic salt actually came from a plant i don't want to know what she thought garlic was in days of old prisoners were sent to work in the salt mines but the really nasty ones were sent to the garlic mines telling a manager that mixing bleach and ammonia might not be the best option for cleaning the floor of a crowded restaurant she threatened to fire me for not doing so needless to say her boss called her an idiot okay i'll use it but only if you go into the supply closet and mix it for me i work in i.t my former boss asked me to set up a new computer for some weird project i asked what operating system she wanted on it she had no idea what an operating system was she was the it manager i was honestly offended at the fact that she was the one in charge former boss thought the word plot could only mean a place to bury a body when i told her it had many definitions and showed her on dictionary.com she calls me an idiot and says that she doesn't need to look up words she already knows i'm still plotting my revenge here take my shovel so not my boss but a very pregnant checkout girl once heard my mom and i talking to each other in spanish and asked us if it was hard to learn because the baby's father was from south america and since he had gone home for good she was afraid she wouldn't be able to understand the baby after an awkward pause my mom and i explained to her how the baby will talk in english because that's what she speaks and it will learn it from her she didn't seem any more relieved so i fear she might have not believed us it concerns me that this person is a parent my mom was working at an old lady clothing store in the south when a woman with a beautiful but peculiar accent came in as she was checking out my mom asked her where she was from and she said wales after the woman left my mom's manager got out a map so she could find wales and my mom told her it was in the uk my mom's manager looked at her and said oh that's cute trish thinks wales is in england and then proceeded to look for wales in se asia being welsh hearing wales england is almost painful a crew chief on a job of mine last week asked me if my girlfriend was still working with authentic kids i informed him that yes my girlfriend is still working with autistic kids and no none of them are fake i told someone my kid was autistic and she asked if he painted cowboy rides into town on friday stays three days rides off on friday how the horse's name is friday the amount of time it took to explain the punchline was worrisome i had to explain to an american that canadians can not only travel to cuba but that we do so quite often and not usually for humanitarian work we go there on vacation apparently they just figured cuba was a barren communist country with nothing but filthy communists that is exactly the image of cuba that has been presented to us i have never heard anyone ever talk about cuba as a nice place to go in my time as a cashier dishwasher at a restaurant grocery store i needed to mop the floors every day but my boss refused to let me stay an extra 15-30 minutes after the store closed to mop this meant that i had to mop while customers were still wandering around this pre-god damn dictably does not have the desired effect they would have been better off having me mop the floors never after a week or this type of mopping my boss calls me into the main office boss the floors aren't getting cleaned properly me i know i asked if i could stay after and you wouldn't let me boss blank clueless wickless stare me if you let me stay after i could mop the floor after everyone leaves boss you know the floors haven't been getting cleaned properly me yes yes i know if you let me stay longer boss we can't pay you over time me then the flaws can't boss the flaws need to be cleaned better my boss just repeated the problem at me until i felt dejected enough to just leave just last week i had to explain to my boss that me having two computer monitors does not use more internet i couldn't keep a straight face during that conversation this thread is made for me my current manager didn't know what the holocaust was just last week asked what christianity was insisted to a seek man that if his beard is aggravating his skin he should just shave it off in an altercation i had to explain what i meant when i threatened constructive dismissal and she accused me of making it up she's been a manager for 10 years asked if chocolate and amp black labradors came from jamaica because they are darker than golden labs suggested that we all dress as gollywogs for an upcoming fancy dress day and by far my favorite had to be told at the age of 35 that dragons didn't exist after she exclaimed it's funny how you don't see them and then but didn't they hang around with dinosaurs it would be funny if she wasn't also a total sea i'm sure there's more but these are the ones that sprang first to mind edit i thought of some more she holds rapidly onto weird and totally untrue facts such as a mouse can squeeze through a space the size of a ballpoint pen i've seen mice their heads are bigger than ballpoint pens she thinks i'm some kind of magical wizard for being able to whip up a basic flyer in a word document i imagine her head would explode if i had photoshop at work she made some completely freaked up comment that i can't remember the actual wording off but it was suggesting that if black people go to the zoo do the monkeys think they're monkeys too like she actually said those words in front of people i honestly feel crappy typing that even as an indirect quote she thinks animal testing should be done on prisoners instead she won't even hear you if you try to explain how reprehensible that is the fact that i have to work under this creature eats away at my soul i've reported her several times for racism and bullying but guess what nobody gives a freak as long as we're still taking money i frequently have to explain to various co-workers that the seasons in canada are the same as in europe and not opposite conversation happens about once per season while reading a local newspaper report that the police were not able to immediately tell the sex of human remains found in a wooded area of our city my friend wondered why don't they just count the ribs to know if it's a man or a woman she was a bible thumper so it took some time to explain that no men do not have one less rib than women still i feel kinda silly now given i'm not nearly as jesus why as i used to be i had to explain to a group of co-workers more than one being a woman that hunts can lay eggs without a rooster around they were befuddled i stopped short of coming out and directly comparing it to their period i still don't think they got it reminds me of the time i had to rebuild a freaking chicken at a buffet to show someone that the little drumstick wing piece wasn't the leg from a baby chicken and that it was the equivalent of your upper arm from elbow to shoulder they remained unconvinced as the buffet had no whole wing pieces a co-worker of mine and i were talking about physics when a girl we work with comes up and hears me say physicist to which he interjected you mean the people who put all the fizz in pop that sounds like a cool job so i had to explain what a physicist is goddamn it now they're going to use physicist in an ad for some soda when i was a youngster i was working road construction in southern ontario the part that is further south than some states had an american family pull up and ask where all the snow was they had ski ice on their roof it was august i can only imagine the family meeting that went into planning that trip step one obtain skis step two enter canada step three ski no sir i do not have to save more than once for good measure and the reveal codes don't print they help you see your mistakes you can center the text you don't have to hit space a hundred million times if you use a table then your figures stay organized no microsoft doesn't hate the working man i seriously doubt that they are out to get you because you didn't upgrade to 2010. dear fricking lord my boss is making great strides we have conquered the click drag highlight method this week we'll be moving on to the mechanics of cut copy paste any day now i cannot make an airline create a flight just for you and flights that were available a year ago may not be available today i cannot make an airline create a seat for you if they're sold out i cannot make a medical doctor call you personally when you have an ache or pain but can't be asset to go to an actual appointment a milkshake melts more quickly at the top of the cup because it's more exposed to the heat of the room's temperature that's why the middle of your milkshake is still thick and frozen hitting your keyboard does not make the computer do what you want it to do no matter how much you swear at it my former boss was a raw vegan though he didn't start that way that was a development while i worked there so through his progression from vegetarian to vegan he would tell us that he just couldn't eat eggs because there were chicken abortions the first time he told me this i was just like yeah yeah okay whatever but after he mentioned it a few more times i finally explained to him how chicken eggs are not abortions because they are unfertilized to begin with and through his reasoning that meant that i as a female essentially have an abortion every month he still refused to believe me even after i explained the process well i'm gonna get a lot of hate from raw vegans but as an ex-employee of a raw vegan eatery i have to say a lot of them were insane the vegans were all normal they're all vegans were off and when you get to the higher levels example the ones that won't eat anything unless it grows underground are insane and near death because they eat nothing but carrots and potatoes last week i had to explain to our general manager that the little paper clip on the email thingy is used to attach a document then i had to explain what it means to attach a document he is allowed to run a store that profits upwards of 3 million a year i had to explain to the head press room supervisor and litho specialist that printing white ink over a reflective surface would indeed cause said surface to no longer reflect as well may sound stupid but we had two printed sheets in front of us white ink on one not on other and he could not wrap his mind as to why they were visually different yet he makes around 100k plus due to boning the co comma yeti makes around 100k plus due to boning the ceo sounds like you're more qualified just take his job you know what to do the brand of your computer doesn't have to match the brand of your mouse if you fax something to someone from one machine to another and the image looks like there's not enough ink it's not from the first machine i just i'll end up talking for years if i say everything this woman and i have argued about yes argued she doesn't quite understand that i'm just trying to help she tries to battle with me over things oh god like the time i told her we ran out of oranges and she refused to believe me because we couldn't possibly run out that fast xx i'm sorry guys this isn't about explaining to a superior but i just have to tell it i live in spain so there are quite a few african immigrants who come over here to find work that's a good joke for anyone who knows the unemployment rate over here anyways my dad is still learning spanish we are american so every other day he goes to a language school and learns there in his class there are all different types of people my father really gets along with the africans he is so interested in them because he loves seeing how other people think about certain things or how they view them he has this really good african friend named mohammed my dad invites muhammad over every once in a while mohammed is kinda like a kid because he isn't really orientated with technology and everything is really intriguing to him so one day he comes over and he has this thing on his finger it's like a white tube and he keeps diddling around with it on his hand and finger at first my dad doesn't recognize it but then his face lights up he then tells muhammad that he is playing with a tampon muhammad however hasn't the slightest clue what the fricker tampon is my dad gets his whole chemistry set out basically a glass of water and puts this tampon in it and shows how it expands and explains to mohammed what it does the whole time mohamed looks horrified after all this mohammed says you aren't going to tell anyone your father won't tell anyone but you'll tell the whole internet this was a co-worker and not really a superior but it's still the most ridiculous thing i've ever had to explain to an adult we work nights and on our lunch break we were commenting on the stars and such and this co-worker was completely oblivious that the earth revolved around the sun this whole time i thought the sun revolved around the earth she was close to 40 years old galileo died for our sins i had to repeatedly explain that when someone works from 11 p.m to 6 a.m on the night daylight saving time changes they actually only worked for six hours or eight hours depending as a former night shift worker i had to explain how this worked to far too many people i ended up actively trying to avoid the subject because i didn't want to go through the whole thing again she wasn't my superior but this girl i worked with had been homeschooled by baptist parents her whole life and we had to explain the holocaust to her after our very basic explanation of the events transpired she laughed she freaking laughed the most ridiculous thing their dang job description and duties if you make 2x and what i make i should not have to explain what to do and how to do it to you every day for over a year my manager actually thought you could get aids from shaking hands with someone then again i was in high school and she was my manager at a shoe store had to tell a girl in my college level design class that the earth was round yeah that the earth was round college level student she said she just had never thought about it i just don't understand these people they don't take up any information they can't do something with immediately at my old job i ended up in the hospital a few times but it was spread out over years and never more than 10 days or so if i had an emergency room visit but wasn't impatient no matter what i'd be at work that night after the last hospital stay three days my boss basically pulled me aside and gave me a i'll let you keep your job because i care about you personally talk i tried to explain it would be illegal to fire me and she said no you bro code not getting your shift covered another time she walked in on me and another girl discussing our sexual preference in the back away from customers and she demanded we take off any rainbow accessories the other girl was wearing a rainbow belt buckle that's it and then said you are straight on my clock when i buzzed my hair she made me wear a hat when i said it was sexist a manager said no it isn't that's a boy's haircut i always tried to explain how wrong but they never caught on that is amazing did he have any other crazy misconceptions about jewish people out of curiosity i do have to say though it's kind of refreshing to see a situation in which believing an incorrect stereotype caused someone to behave in a nice manner rather than a doubt shitastic one i once worked for a silicon valley startup and had a total of 250 000 shares of company stock the company found a way to reorganize that wiped my equity out entirely they were shocked when i explained to them that i would not be continuing to work with them restarting a computer doesn't mean turning the power off and then on a game to your lcd screen a girl in 10th grade history class didn't understand the purpose of the boston tea party why not just drink pepsi one of the other stereotypical blonde girls turned around and said you can't be serious she was and the last bit of joy faded from the titches life that day my boss has lived in portland a city famous for its pride in its microbrews his entire life one friday our company went out to a pub that as it turned out exclusively served microbrews our boss despite his upbringing only drinks cause light only exclusively if a place only has bud light he doesn't drink it but this time he said what's the lightest beer you have and the waitress described the lager they had on tap our boss had never heard the word lager in his life and we had to explain that the drink he imbibed almost every day was just that not extremely ridiculous but strange for someone in his mid-40s who claims to love beer to be fair cause light is only barely technically a lager and for that matter barely beer in a traditional sense like most american mega brews on the other hand not knowing anything about beer in the u.s is way more common than you think in junior high my anthropology teacher told us that black people can't swim because of the melanin in their skin i objected and spent the rest of the semester in the library on detention i win several years of manually counting to 203 times a day to verify 200 items were in a word document i showed him word count first it's word count then its find and replace as a filipino living in tx i had to point out that my thanksgiving dinner is just like every other american family also christmas is the same there might be a few dishes different but mostly the same till that 80.9 percent of filipinos are roman catholic thanks wikipedia my mom when she was working for a particularly inept regional manager of a federal department wrote in her report that x action exacerbated the problem her idiot boss circled the word with a red pen and said what is this word i don't like this word i don't think this masturbated any problem i have several excellent stories from the same co-worker he thought the south pole was hot since it was opposite the north pole he thought there was no gravity on the moon and that the astronauts had magnets in their boots to stay put he thought jesus was born in the renaissance he thought easter was an american holiday if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 22,037

Rating: 4.9450173 out of 5

Keywords: really need to explain, i shouldnt have to explain this, when you have to explain a joke, explain, boss, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: K00NWReZK4Q

Length: 22min 13sec (1333 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 21 2021