CLEVER COMEBACKS #37

do men still open car doors yeah how do you think we get inside huh you got to open it to get in hey everyone my name is jacob welcome to clever comics where we're going to be looking at comebacks which people thought a long time about they're clever clever comebacks enjoy michael myers says i wasn't born to wear a mask 12 plus hours a day this is getting ridiculous hashtag end the look down but you were named after a character that wears a mask yet you're literally called michael myers mr bill bird don't you think you went a little too far with the catholic church jokes uh don't you think the catholic church went a little too far bro you set him up for that like bubba wallace posing with this weekend's car ah because he's guest sponsored only clown i see sir have you seen your own profile picture you're literally a clown satanist don't believe in a literal satan uh then what do you call people who believe in a literal satan church of satan christians yeah yeah the the christians at the airport america will be lost to the immigrants thanks to biden and kay asterix milan norway here i come and then norway says thanks but no thanks perhaps sweden can take one for the team oh sorry we have enough people here perhaps finland can take us oh i think she will fit well into denmark oh denmark has sent word that they must politely decline this offer maybe russia will be a better fit for someone like herds oh russia doesn't have enough space for her ego so maybe chyna will take us ah china doesn't want the white woman also known as karen maybe the brits got this as a brit i would decline impolitely perhaps the north koreans will take cards glorious leader has never allowed covet virus in country south korea will take her or be destroyed oh as an american we'll just take her back home deborah has just had one too many we'll just send her to texas so no one will find her does she not realize though i'm pretty sure norway takes immigrants in like most of these countries take immigrant sins and she's like i don't want america because they take immigrants in unlucky my iq is probably five times more than yours well five times zero is still zero so i guess we're both stupid which one do you love more your mum or your dad uh your mum listen here you little hey this little creature looks like you're god oh and that hobo over there looks like yours it's true good job hey i like your eyes ha thanks i got them for my birthday oh okay all right sweet jhgolf85 says you like a little prebu peasant boy in your profile pic don't you have a k-pop concert to get to and then jessica replies oh wow now attack on what i like and changing the subject it shows you lost the fight and give up when someone starts attacking you for what you look like or like just shows how you aren't a man and then happen replies judging from your profile pic i'm guessing you were some middle-aged boomer undergoing a midlife crisis who doesn't know how to change his profile pic and is using the default alphabet letter profile pics america was built by the people i will not stop until we return it to the people we live in the greatest country in the world i intend to keep it that way for all of our children hashtag america first oh if you want to return america to the people who actually built it you're in for quite a surprise i get you want to be like patriotic and everything you want to be like all right this is my country i'm going to support it no matter what but what makes it the greatest like what makes any country the greatest country in the world i don't really hear people over here say oh it's a great scripture unless they're you know but it's wide serious question you're in a room with five dudes how many peepees are you choking on okay that's a mad question but nick replies bro none huns wow damn you that good at throw in yeah why did you reply you didn't need to reply to that question buzzfeed news says what is the most disgusting thing your rich pals have done during the pandemic we want to hear about surpassing displays of wealth that you've personally seen that have made you lose the last remaining scraps of your pandemic patients uh oba's feet oh probably that time you bought huffington post laid off a few dozen staff and completely shut down huff post canada which had unionized two weeks prior i think that qualifies hmm big company says oh what the rich people dude oh message by one of those boss babes oh hey so nice to meet you i hope you don't mind my reaching out to you i'm a psalm and beachbody coach and your profile caught my eye if you have goals for your health or fitness i would love to help i've been following these programs for three years and i've seen huge improvements to my mental and physical well-being can we chap out anything that you're struggling with oh hi jackie you're in the perfect position to help me with my goals i would like to rid the world of mlms and their predatory tactics can you help me with that let's be real she's not gonna understand what a multi-level marketing thing is because she's in one and they don't understand it sky news says human peepees are shrinking because of pollution one scientist greta thumbberg see you all at the next climate strike wait how old are you greta's well she's old enough to laugh at your shrinking beeping that's for sure ammo sales surge 139 that's a lot of freedom seeds freedom seeds oh kind of wish so many freedom seeds weren't flying out of anger pipes onto people's stinky coconuts in organ barrels and making their loved ones leak so much boo-boo water out of their peep orbs yeah why do you say the freedom seeds bro hello my name is amy i would like to adopt a purebred german shepherd from your rescue group i saw that you have a few i don't like mixed breeds for aesthetic reasons so please don't recommend one ah yes we do have some purebred german shepherds they have also voiced a preference to live only with purebreds they only want to live with germans for aesthetic reasons what well if you could provide us with your ancestry documentation we can go ahead and process your adoption paperwork i think that's fair enough if she wants 100 purebred german shepherd it has to be 100 and if she doesn't come back with 100 german ancestry then you can't have it because you know the dog wants 100 german i'm afraid jake paul tweets out yo why do 10 year olds have iphones these days you wouldn't have a job if they didn't is it he's not wrong yeah that's literally why he makes so much money andrew wiggins on the covered vaccines i don't really see myself getting it anytime soon unless i'm forced to uh just couldn't be programmed people in the comments mad because people don't believe in what they believe in all right i think that makes sense just because you believe in something doesn't mean you are immune from criticism if you believe in bigfoot or the tooth fairy is normal to think hey this person is a [ __ ] preventing the next pandemic will cost 22.2 billion dollars a year scientists say or three percent of the 2020 military budget oh is that for the world or just for the united states as well because if it's the world it's even less like what china makes it a crime to question military death toll on the internet ah hey what is the military death toll in china hmm yo mr man 1959 that's that's a crime right there me and this little old mexican lady were talking in spanish and this old white person in a wheelchair said where in america why didn't you speak english and the little mexican lady told her you have legs why don't you walk i nearly died i gave her a free coffees how do astronauts not cry all the time from being scared yes i recently had a dream that i was falling from space yes i had to talk about it in therapy for 20 minutes the greatest antidote for fear is competence for context someone posted about getting their first car and drew replied great another man on the road yeah yeah coming from a woman who can't even walk yo we're like destroying these cairns in wheelchairs i'm sorry how depressing our society has failed to provide ambitious role models to our children's because top 10 jobs get one and number one is youtuber then blogger vlogger musician singer actor filmmaker ah when you want a poster is deeply serious but are also feeling incredibly lazy there's no better genre of take than hand ringing about kids acting like normal kids i'm pretty sure if you interviewed a kid like 20 years ago when youtube didn't exist they'd be like i want to be a movie star or a rock star or an astronaut or something like that it's just what kids want to do you know what you can be you can be a supporter by clicking another video that's why i want to be when i grow up a supporter it doesn't pay very well but you know entertains i hope click

Channel: WhyJake

Views: 195,232

Rating: 4.9540148 out of 5

Keywords: twitter posts, facebook posts, reddit posts, tinder posts, funny, comedy

Id: EqiDk5431cc

Length: 10min 20sec (620 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 29 2021