Caroline Myss - Understanding Your Own Power - Part 5

so obviously faith is a centerpiece for you and it is a centerpiece for your life so we're going to do some work on that and um the first part that i want i'm going to explain something here is i'm going to emphasize again that you can reduce 90 of your stress in life to the word faith to the word faith what causes you to lose faith what you don't have faith in when someone says something you don't believe them the insecurity that it makes that that something draws from you the belief that something might not work out and what it all amounts to if i can take you all the way up here to your holy journey your charism is that you have no sense of your soul and that your soul's calling the shot so i'm going to put this in the story of jesus real quickly and i remind you that i'm not recruiting you i remind you and i'm not going to say it again but one of the remember that these great teachers of buddha and jesus and they didn't waste their life so there's a and and the the real power of their life is hidden in the symbolic meaning of what they did right in the in the symbolic meaning as well as the physical but they what they did physically they did because of the symbolic message are you with me here so remember at remember how jesus had a dramatic exit and and so i will remind you of his exit and that at the physical level at the physical he has a he goes to jerusalem so that's like this first column i'm telling you about from the first column and he gets he has this dinner with the boys and his wife mary magdalene and he was married to her and so what is that okay he was married to her and then like after dinner they they the scene begins and judas takes flight and they go to the garden of gethsemane and of course he kneels down and he says this prayer and of course we don't really know if he sat at mind you nobody was there recording things can i get this on record but but supposedly he said this prayer i don't want to do this gig like this sucks so if i could do something else this weekend i would really appreciate it now the important part this is carolyn's version of the bible but but this is what's important here and that's several things about that is that everything that he did was a template for the way we will do things absolutely everything absolutely everything what he was doing was if you can imagine doing a cosmic template a cosmic imprint like this is exactly what you're going to do so i'm going to do it first and i'm going to etch it into the cosmos because this is what you're going to do this is why you're going to do it and this is exactly how it's going to play out for you so when the time comes for you to have a crisis you will ask for that crisis to be lifted you will i promise you so i'm going to tell you what's going to happen i'm going to ask for it to be lifted and this is how god will answer you [Music] and that answer means heaven doesn't waste its messages no answer is an answer proceed as follows now that is faith now pay attention that this is how third column faith works which is i'm not getting any other instruction not i'm not hearing anything oh you but rather i'm not getting any other instruction this is exactly what i'm supposed to do get the difference yeah yeah yeah yeah um [Music] a strange question actually for me i don't um could you give me the equivalent uh for mary magdalene and what in the metaphor what what is it about her life experiences that you could not right now but ask that as soon as i'm done here and i'll pick it up with mary magdalene okay okay because you what you're doing is kind of like saying can we stop this film and introduce another yeah yeah let me just finish this jesus and then we'll pick up with mary okay after the scene in gethsemane jesus goes in and he is as you know um betrayed by peter betrayed by judas and what was their thing it was about faith again it's about we don't have any faith in this guy and we have other things to do and maybe if we if you know judas's whole big gig was maybe if i set him up he'll finally find a backbone and fight okay peter was just the coward that he was more or less for quite some time again faith so this is this is going to be as the message was communicated this is going to be an issue for human beings forever faith in faith is never going to be an easy thing to develop ever so now so now he's brought in front of caiaphas and california says take him to pilot now this is what is i i think so delicious because caiaphas is like really this is he's he's jew i really don't want to deal with this guy give him to the romans and so pilate knows he's innocent he hasn't done anything and he knows he's this jewish and that the the jewish this the sanhedrin and the sadducees they're just like jesus is their nemesis and he thinks why am i dealing with this jewish man i'm roman this is just awful like oh god so he says maybe if i beat the crap out of him now what's important here is what jesus is doing in his life is he's actually living every one of the trials that we use that validates why we get to hate people if i'm abandoned poor me if i'm humiliated poor me if i'm abandoned by my friends if i am falsely accused of something i get to hate you so he has to go through all of this because we we allow ourselves to get even with people on the grounds you abandoned me you humiliated me and that gives me the right to get even with you to get even with you and and the burden on jesus was i have to have faith that there's some kind of reason for this it wasn't revealed to me i wanted it to be revealed to me but it wasn't so i just have to hang tight that maybe maybe maybe i'll get a vatican out of it no sorry but maybe there is a reason i have to go through so even this man had no idea why he had to go through this but he did so he and here's pilate saying you know give me a reason for this i mean because i could say something because i can let you off the hook and this it to me is like the best part of the whole show cause he says nah i made this agreement with my father last night and you're working for me is that not great and pilate screams get this man out of here and give me some water so i can wash my hands of this man so even in that there's this profound moment of faith where he said where jesus more or less said look this sucks i don't get it but i made the agreement and now every single person is part of this drama that i command that i command so this is my drama not yours mine so even though it looks like you're in charge you're not you're not you're really not and pilot screams get them out of here get them out get them out so jesus leaves and and and then he goes and he gets himself crucif he's crucified of course but while he's hanging on the cross he screams this sucks you've abandoned me which means that's inevitable for you too that in this journey of having faith we will all scream i'm sorry but like i've done everything i have suffered i have this like job so then he finally looks around and he says what have i forgotten to do oh yeah i have to forgive them i have to release every prayer every player in my drama and that is the ultimate active i have to forget i have to release everyone who participated in this drama i have to pull up my anchors i cannot be attached to anybody and then he says and now i'll release my spirit i am free to go i am without anchor i don't have to release wait for god i'm done i'm out of here so releasing his spirit became his call but he had to pull up his anchors okay so he says that's it i'm out of here now bye not coming back to this nightclub and so what forgiveness is about is not about us saying what you did boo hoo hoo boo hoo does it matter to me because all you're looking for then is to break someone in half so they can say oh did i hurt you whatever was i thinking because nothing will satisfy you nothing what forgiveness is about is you realizing look at the i am look at the monster i am and you helped me realize that i owe you a thank you note i didn't like this thing but wow oh wow look at what i've discovered about me because of you because of this experience even if experience was the worst ever i thought i didn't realize i could be so morphed or this is what other people have gone through or now i'm humiliated by this but i'm also humiliated because i didn't want to be like other people who had such a filthy experience and now i'm just like them so there's all kinds of ways that you realize and now what i have to do is humble up and recognize i'm not special i'm just like every other human being and i can have just the same kinds of experiences as every other human being and i need to crucify that part of myself that says i'm special and and i was holding on to being special because i thought that would protect me from having these kinds of experiences but it didn't and now i am so there it is so the crucifixion is about because and until i do that i will always want to get even with you and i just can't live in that place because it's not about you it's about the fact that anybody who hurts me i want to get at and i want to get at that part that wants to hurt anybody who hurts me am i saying this correctly and right and and it's not and so long as i lack faith then i will think that you have the capacity to destroy my life and that's the big thing so long as i lack faith in me and faith in my journey and faith in god i will believe that any human being anyone is strong enough to destroy my life path mm-hmm wait a minute did i communicate that one because that's a big huge jewel all right let me finish when you lack faith you will believe anyone can have power over your life anybody anybody that they can make a decision they can fire you and destroy your life that they can that their life power is greater than the cut than god's plan for you and you will feel gutted and you will spend your life in vengeance instead of the truth that no human being is as powerful as your charism as god's plan for you as your soul but if you choose to believe that and you anchor yourself in vengeance then you have anchored yourself in vengeance and you've made a choice from lack of faith and then from that point on every choice you make will essentially be a choice coming from the absence of faith you won't believe anything anymore you won't believe in yourself you won't trust anything you won't trust your intuition you won't trust guidance one thing will lead to another and you'll rot inside go ahead no not at all no no you can you can love someone and not have any faith in them trust me yeah you can love someone and not have not believe a word they say self love like does faith the equivalent to loving yourself is that microphone on okay yeah okay now see again i'm i'm thinking more of self-love is is loving yourself the same as having faith in yourself um give me an example of what you mean by loving yourself i have to constantly remind myself to love myself and what does that mean give me an example put make it visceral an example of my loving myself is oh gosh i don't know being here um being here would be an act of love a gift to myself okay an act of caring for yourself okay now does that translate to you as having faith in yourself no it is different no no it's totally different because yeah you don't have faith in yourself entirely that's what you're working on if you said to yourself do i believe does your inner self totally trust you to come through with something that's challenging and you'll see you don't don't cover your cellar open if you you were if you said to yourself you know what i'm going to do that i'm going to do whatever it takes to do that and i'm going to start right away would your inner self trust you to pull it off yeah yes the delay would be committing to the action that's that's where no no no no that's where you're sabotaging because you can't delay now that's where you're now you're playing the game that's now you're playing the game and you're saying sorry but but it has to be on my terms it has to be when i'm comfortable and when it's convenient and that's just it creation isn't about comfort or convenience it's about now now and that's the thing about downloads of intuition when we get downloads for instructions when heaven talks to you you have to act exactly when heaven talks to you you can never say it's not convenient and that's what people do they dismiss their intuitive hits because yeah it's not convenient and because they don't know what it is to have true faith in their intuitive hits meaning this isn't from me so i have to listen to this i have to because it's not from me thank you okay let's go we're gonna go back yeah we'll go that way then back yeah so my question is also for faith so when we ask ourselves why am i here on this earth what am i supposed to do and you don't get that hit you never really know why you're here i don't think jesus knew the effect he was going to have over 2000 years so the question is if i continue asking myself why am i here and i don't get an answer is it because i don't have faith in myself to just do well you you are let's go about it this way and this would probably how many of you feel like it's blank when you ask that question okay i was 10 years old the first time i asked and i don't think i've ever gotten a real original tell me what you think i mean how would you know what are you looking for that would satisfy you i don't know make something up on this earth make something supposed to do maybe well maybe make something up that would satisfy you fantasize because you obviously have a glamour answer in mind fantasize give it your best shot like so that you'd finally say well then that's it that i perhaps that i've done something to help the world where so you're looking for a past time you're looking for a gold star for something you've already done maybe yeah maybe that doesn't make any sense do it again do it again do it again that won't make you happy because you're still alive so do it again okay so a part of me thinks better now pretend it's just you and me and no one else is listening and knock it off with being embarrassed answer the question with a four-star flaming butane fantasy beauty fantasy that i am able to let's say start up a business grow it just rock it bring it out bring it on and life has not brought that battle to me which is what i think that's success accomplished but nothing has come into my life to manifest that all right that's good we're on to it now we're into fantasyville okay let's go the other how about the rest of you can you match that are we into that yeah right a book that helps the world okay you want a big book okay okay you want to help the world so it helps you you want to help you with a book okay you want to help book okay good let's get it right leave the world out of it okay now here's the ask the question this way what am i missing in my life that i keep asking that question answer that question what am i missing in my life that that i keep asking for my purpose i don't trust that i will actually do what i have to do go ahead i don't trust that i will actually do what i have to do to accomplish the goal i would set out for myself i don't trust myself you don't trust yourself if i'm going to be perfectly honest with myself i would say be perfectly imperfectly honest just be honest yeah so i'm going to be on it yeah you don't trust yourself period and i the vocabulary around my tribe is no no no you can't do that you're not smart enough which has always been and in my words it's like my tribe whenever from as early as i can remember i speak alien they never ever have gotten me and so i've never i don't think i've ever learned to trust myself yeah yeah well i'm working on it and how you're gonna work on it set a goal and do it honestly i that's my i'm in this gray area there oh yeah yeah yeah is that sad what a mess it's not a mess it's so simple it's like how do i learn to bake a cake bake the cake just do something just do something don't make it so big start small don't make it so impressive stop trying to impress them so they look at you and think my god are you wonderful yeah no yeah that's what your problem is you want to impress them you're not interested in your highest purpose you're interested in impressing them so they'll apologize to you real why do people plug into people like that your whole life is about getting them to look at you and say wow here i'll say it wow now get on with your life oh yeah yeah all right what else yeah they're in there now you still want to ask me a question right you want to run away from me i just try to make it easy on you i just really right am i right um if i got it right um you were talking about um our basically our ability to not be attached or affected by other people's judgments and behaviors will help us to not lose our power and if i understand correctly it has to do with our faith in ourselves this ability and just wondering if you have any recommendations on how to increase or gain faith all right you guys are going to work that's it what this calls for is a good old-fashioned exercise because the first thing i mean you really need to identify you really need to say these are the these are the ways i lose power in myself this is it you have because i don't have any faith in myself so this is why i give my power to other people this is why i don't answer the truth this is why because i'm so i just have any faith that i'll be able to take care of myself so when you say how do i get faith in myself faith is earned faith is earned it's not about deep breathing and changing your diet that will never do anything anything because this first level of faith is visceral it's visceral you got to earn it you got to earn it you got to be able to say no when you mean no and have enough faith that the way your world changes because you say no you'll be able to endure endure endurance is a grace god grant me endurance because i'm about to change my life because this is what i this is what is called for to thine own self be true so when someone says are you are are you going to leave yeah yes i am open the door i'm out of here okay so the first thing you really have to identify is what causes me to not tell the truth where do i lose my power where do i lose my power what causes me to lose my power so that's the first thing you're going to do right now is identify what causes me to lose my power in the physical world with my tribe with a one-on-one relationship and with the way i feel about myself now these are big three big questions people do you tell yourself i don't like myself i'm not good enough i'm not this i'm not that how do you talk to yourself do you lose faith in yourself do you diminish yourself so that you find ways to postpone do you do you tell yourself uh i i i don't trust my own guidance i don't trust myself here do you constantly run to others for approval because you don't approve of yourself so if someone said if if you had a hit if god said hey do this do this. you thought wow wow but instead of having faith in yourself you go to someone else and think i had this hit what if they said you why would you get an intuitive hit like that why would you who do you think you are one of the reasons people don't heal fast is not because you're not lighting enough candles not because you're not saying enough rosaries or enough prayers to allow enough whatever not at all it's because most people do not have the self-esteem to have an experience that they can't validate by themselves that when other people say i don't believe you they collapse that they have to have their experiences validated by all these other people and they say don't you believe me don't you believe me and the moment they say how could how could why would god heal you i don't believe you were sick anyway the last time they saw your arms were like this now your arms are working in this hand ah you were faking it because healing at the speed of light is so phenomenal and being selected having god what is a miracle it's when god bends the laws of the universe for you which means that in this intimacy god heard you and said i'll be right there and took you and repaired you in a way that is not ordinary and only you know that happened and when faced with other people who said i'm sorry but that's not possible that's right that's why it's called a miracle but it is possible if you understand the laws timelessly this is or this is horizontal time this is vertical time and if you understand even like jesus said these and other things can you do just get the laws these are how the laws work behind your eye this is how they work in front of your eye behind your eye in front of your eye behind your eye in front of your eye this is how it works this is not a big deal put the two together and you have relativity and that's the middle behind your eye in front of your eye and the two together is relativity when heaven interferes and goes jesus said who touched my robe i felt the power go through me and she was healed instantly instantly behind your eye in front of your eye leave it to the world in front of your eye and it heals at the speed of nature dense the cycles of nature the speed of the sun and the moon put it within you and it's a combination of the speed of nature and your consciousness turn it over to heaven completely and it's instantaneous are we with me here okay but in order to heal at that speed you have to be able to fly at that speed which means you don't have any attachments you have to be able to fly like a mystic to run like a mystic to perceive like a mystic and when someone says to you don't be ridiculous that doesn't happen you can't turn around and say you're not validating me you can't do that you're you can't have such a spineless obsequious spirit you have to have that kind of soul that says that can take that kind of tsunami of some about the lack of faith of everybody else because it'll come at you and their lack of faith can't disrupt what you know to be the truth that's the power of the mustard seed and the mountain you have to be a mustard seed you got to be a mustard seed got it it's worth it to be a mustard seed it's worth it worth it worth it worth it okay what wait a minute so i'm wondering in order to it seems to me from everything you've said where i go next or where is to let go of the attachments is to work on who i'm attached to and am concerned about whatever our agenda is between us to work through that and let go of each attachment because it's it's incredible it's critical to not be attached at all well okay like i'm seriously attached to friends and family so let's talk about attachments right what happened to my sleeves i'm seriously attached to friends and family okay okay so there's attachments and there's attachments right right right but what beth where's my sleeve is there a sleeve there yeah but thanks honey but my attachment to like beth a 30-year friend joyce authority friend is not like and if they leave me i'll die exactly okay that kind of thing um so you don't do these kinds of things or that if if you don't make up narratives that cost you your soul that's where you get and here's another one because of you i'm failing okay because of you my children those are narratives that are costing you big those are the ones where it allows you to not have faith in yourself yes and it's the anchors it's pulling those anchors up right right and these are the big ones big huge nikki big huge great big huge because these where's there you pull up these anchors and what you realize is if i pull up this anchor that says um i have believed for 20 years that you're the reason i'm not successful if i pull this anchor now who am i going to blame for not being successful now this is i got to have which means i've got to i have to rethink this whole gig about the choices i'm making that have essentially i have let myself off the hook i haven't had to have any faith in myself because that's where you've come in all i've had to say is i don't need to have faith in myself because you served as my faithless wound and now that i've let you go i'm stuck having to have faith in myself or admit that i don't and it's been my fault all along so now i have to get on with the business how do you develop you get on with the business of saying okay it's time to let you go and now i have to get on with the business of my of empowering myself yes got it got it i can't use you anymore it's been fun but you're gone and the next step and then like saint benedict when i when the time comes to let you go and that whole part of my life i have to really pray we'll talk about prayer a lot tomorrow but i have to really cross the bridge into the life without you i never look back and have to start building now my sense of self from scratch i can't use i can't allow that ever to come in again it's over and now we start building so how do you do this you have to make these decisions now based on i have to develop faith in myself which means i start praying god give me some guidance here and i start small i start small and build build build build i have to watch myself because i know my tendency will be to run to others and say do you believe in me jubilee and i have to stop myself stop myself because i'm looking to be adopted adapted by somebody so i don't have to grow up that's my child archetype so i have to stop my child i won't do that i won't do that so i have to grow up and have faith in myself that i can make it that i can make it but i'm scared of course i'm scared everybody's scared this is the human journey that's how we do it everybody's doing it some better than others but we're all in it together this planet's the planet of orphans and broken toys and misfits okay all right we're all in this together nobody was born with self-esteem nobody was born all ready to go nobody was born knowing who they are nobody was born knowing anything come on don't ever look at another person and think i bet they were born enlightened stop it put your head in the toilet nobody was born at all i had it already a winner stop it stop it stop it every time you look at someone look through your heart and realize they're as scared or vulnerable as you are don't let a label on their clothes fool you the more labels the more scared they are if anything wants to make you dump labels that sentence should do it well before you just think i was gonna ask you because i was with the fact that you talked about you don't mind if i pour this because i'm talking talking i just need some tea go about you know when someone's shrug upsets us and it shows she said something about it shows what an amateur i am don't you it sounds so cute with a british accent but go ahead yeah and i need to be able to take command of my soul and i was thinking yes i need to ask when those things happen you know what hints to take command of my soul and also when i know that i'm being hemorrhaged from a hook you know what tools can i have to kind of come back but after what you just said yeah now it's much bigger than that it's like whoa if i've spent so many years oh lizette my darling go ahead kind of saying i can't be what i meant to be in life until you're okay and until you're okay and and it's because of my husband or my children that i'm not developing that's all a load of doesn't sound good with a british accent i'm going to have to say it that way in the future nobody'll take me seriously but i'm going to do it anyway and then the tears come a little bit from well is it too late can i be bothered now at this stage to change no you'll never change lovey you're just so good at it do you think do you think this is it for this lifetime no no no no no it's not [Laughter] no but i think you'll give your husband a run for your money run for his money for a long time but i think ex no present husband but i do think this one's what you'll do is let yourself off the suffering hook just enjoy yourself uh-huh that sounds good [Laughter] i'll take that okay just enjoy yourself i'm never gonna write that book i would have done if they weren't around i mean whatever just enjoy yourself you want to write right if not get yourself off the hook stop creating a great you're not charles dickens stop creating a great you know if you want to write right if not who cares who cares yeah who cares but stop suffering that's the point stop suffering by creating this idea that you're not anybody unless you're competing in some kind of market of being an author and somebody who stop it stop it do whatever you want thank you take the pressure off honestly stop it [Applause] enjoy yourself go [Applause] and you agree with me too spike absolutely spike's getting better by the second do you want the mic spike i i just i just yeah what are you gonna do i just wanted to get this little moment of her thing if that means that to me make the blank slate i think i'm having an ah moment oh the blank splay the blank slate is about not demanding of yourself that you write the book or that you have to do this or that to be successful precisely is just let it happen or let it be or not be or let it go right and what what and here's the way you said it this is this is the prayer really you say to god you know what i i have been tormenting myself because i've been insisting on what my charism is and it's not working because as i've noticed you don't listen to me so it's obvious i should listen to you so from now on the slate's blank fill it in fill it in fill it in do with me what you will much easier wow are you in for a surprise but but the truth is you can't tell heaven what you want it doesn't work that way and and so the prayer is do with me what you will you've given me so many talents don't waste me don't waste me what do you want me to do who do you want me to serve don't waste me use me up when i die let it say i died of creativity i died of creative exhaustion that's what i want on my tomb she died of creative exhaustion gave all she could and said goodbye okay that's how you pray you don't sit around and mourn because you're not getting your christmas present stop it pray like you're crazy pray like you trust have a little faith have a lot of faith because if you you think i'm so blocked i'm so black no you're not you're stubborn and you're you have a fear of being humiliated that if if you let god have at it you will simply be disappointed and it will it'll just be humbling and the thing about that is heaven often starts small very small so that you don't screw it up so that you don't screw it up so you don't with with fantasies and expectations and braggadocious behavior and god knows what else everything about how our life works is to protect us from our own worst interests everything everything is to protect us from our dark side so our dark side doesn't get a hold of it first please remember that everything everything is to protect from our own dark side i ended up in of all places walpole new hampshire in a cabin and then a farmhouse in the middle of where christ lost his shoe no that's walpin massachusetts yeah new hampshire but they would never put it in new hampshire but it's welcome yeah and but there i mean i was i i it was the most ridiculous place in the world for me i ended up renting a farm i didn't even know it was a farm i thought i had a house with a front lawn and i rented a yeah i did yeah and i ended up with a 40 acre farm and you know what and i sat there and i was there like a few weeks and this was one of the greatest little surreal moments of my whole life on this planet i'm in my my cape cod cottage and i looked out the front and i'm in the middle of the country there's a country road and this cape cod sits on the close to the country road and the farms behind it all the acreage is behind it so when i rented it the real estate person took me there i walked in i thought this is the cutest little place in the world and it was all furnished and i rented it and then i left and i got a job in that cottage in 46 minutes it was so i i should have said how do you heat this place but no anyway and i paid for that one so there i am standing in the and i looked out the front window and i saw the lawn and the street and i thought house front lawn i looked this way and i see a red barn and i went barn farm house front lawn barn farm house front lawn barn farm where am i living so i picked up the phone and i called the real estate and i said um do i have a house with a front lawn or did i rent a barn and a farm silence she said you rented a 40 acre farm and i said no no no no no no because i am from chicago and i can't live on a farm i don't live on a farm i can't live on a farm i've never been on a farm and she said well you are now and you're living on a farm and i said no no no and no no no no that's right spike that's right and and and i said i can't live on a farm i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't and i couldn't stop saying that and she said well you do you do you do and okay so it wasn't too long later that this this this little um cape cod is situated on this dirt road then not a road it's a paved road paved country road number number it's called county road and it swings around and here's the cape cod and then it just keeps going like this to keene new hampshire and it's all farmland all dairy farm all dairy farmers and so one day i mean i was there maybe six this is way back in 1982. and uh this this guy i hear i'm and i was there maybe four weeks i was in shock you have to appreciate i was in shock i was 29 years old and i hear and i walk out i have a marlboro light cigarette i have a can of i have a cup of coffee i walk on my this porch and i'm looking i'm so in shock and this guy says hey lady move your effing cows off the street i said [Laughter] and i looked and i thought cows cows i'm still adjusting to a farm in a barn and i was cows i said what are you talking about i don't have any caps and he says and here i look there were cows everywhere and i said cows and i said look at that and he says what the hell are you smoking right that was marbles and i said cows look at that and i've never been near a cow in my life then he's and he drives away and i'm pretty i know i know and i was like cows i was in a sea of cows and then this farmer comes to typical new england farmer comes down he goes chloe says come on girls and all the cows turned around and just followed him back come on girls and they just hey what was it come on girls i mean and they just clumped back it was so amazing and then what the hell is my and i didn't even see any of them until he said get your cows out of that and i was like what that whoa i so was in my zone i mean so in my zone but all that time you know if if i i tell you if i had been given a place that was glamorous or anything or just anything but shocking where i literally had to chop my wood i literally had to fill this wood stove i literally lived like that for 10 years 10 years i mean literally for 10 years and remember when someone said you have to order wood and i was order wood and they and and i said yes well of course so i called up and and and i said i need to order wood and this guy says and and i was so anyway so they said do you want a cord or two and that was [Laughter] so and then my first answer was how about about six or seven chords i had no idea how big a chord was no idea i was like i don't know you know i don't know so anyway we kind of so then he said well we don't have any wood and i was like so anyway i went and at this point i was renting half a farmhouse from these wonderful people and i went in there and they said he said they don't have any wood and and ray fenner who was the town minister and most beloved said um why don't you call him in five minutes and i called back and they and he had called and so yeah so and he said why don't you tell them you want about a cord and a half and you know there i was six seven i don't know right so then all this all this wood comes and i and i thought and i said well why don't you put it somewhere else like in the basement and these two cooters are standing there like this just like out of like green acres and they were like this and they're rocking and and the one says to the other you like it here and i said no and the one says where you from and i said chicago and he looks at this one and says chicago like they've both heard of this like he can't hear me directly so and he says you like it here better and i said no any she don't like it here better i'll never forget that so long as i live and i said what do i do with this wood whatever you want yeah and they walked out that way you can't leave here with all this wood i left it there all winter i didn't know what to do with it next spring ray said to me honey when you get some wood let's put it in the basement but you can't leave it all over the front and said all right unbelievable adjusting to that might get here better and that same farmer with all the this was the longest conversation i had with him about three years later so typical new england three years later i'm walking our dogs we had a doberman and a um shepherd and a golden retriever and i had a cat named mousetrap so all of us are walking and i walked past john this dairy farmer and he had a blue jean jacket with very thin flannel lining and he was chopping wood it was a february day just like this and it was bright sunny and the mape the syrup thing had started and he had a flannel shirt on but it was cold you know it was bright but cold and i said to him john you're going to get cold chopping wood with just that jacket puts the ax down this is the longest conversation i've ever had with him ain't much of a chopper you get cold chopping wood [Laughter] i came home i said ready he talked to me he talked to me ain't much of a choppa oh my god okay back to faith what's this mean oh it's almost i don't care okay well what we're going to take a really good look at you may as well give it some some thought tonight is um how you lose faith where you're losing faith in yourself and you're going to chart that tomorrow and the important thing i want you to take a look at is that if how difficult it is to change direction for you to make a different choice um how these how you set up the pattern in your life how patterns are set up in your life to maintain a lack of faith in yourself how your relationships are set up to support an absence of faith or faith and this is a big huge big deal people yes yes that we set up our living situation our relationships our patterns to maintain an absence of faith or faith like how often i hear my my partner doesn't support what i do or what i want to do and and everything that think of all your creative projects everything relies upon you having faith in yourself and that relies upon you having faith that you're supposed to do this how many times people use the phrase meant to supposed to that's holy language when you say i'm meant to do this who are you talking about what do you mean you're meant to by who who who is meaning for you to do this what by what standard by the stars by god who what do you what does someone mean when they say that and what they're actually they're saying that this is part of my calculus my destiny my charism what whatever it however it is they are crediting that it is a statement about their holy purpose and so when you reach a place where you start talking about yourself in terms of i am meant to do something you are getting to the second touching the third column you are no longer talking about a job you are pushing into your calling into your charism where you're saying if someone said to you well why don't you just get a job but you are feeling no i want to do what i'm meant to do i want to do what only i can do what you're meant to do is what only you can do a job is what anyone can do but what you're meant to do is something that you were you were born to be of service in some way and by the way be very clear that i'm not talking about a great big huge glamorous thing by meant to do it could position you in a cafeteria line but you're somewhere but you're the one that has a particular type of healing charism that is needed in that environment so don't go thinking that it's that what you're meant to do is something so spectacular at all there is an absolutely magnificent book that captures this called peace like a river and then that book is the is it really captures exactly what i'm talking about it's the story of a a boy named reuben who is writes about his father and his father was a mystery to him someone he just couldn't quite understand and his father had been heading in as a career as a physician and uh was married i mean so he the father and the mother were married and reuben had a brother and somehow something happened and he just left his career in medicine just left and took a job as the janitor at the school where reuben was completely humiliating him it's totally humiliated but reuben thought something something had happened to his father and he couldn't understand what happened to him not at all but the father had become something transformed in him deep within him and he became gifted as a profound healer and a psychic not a sight but a deeply he had the he had the sight he had the sight and and there's a scene in this book where reuben's father is humiliated constantly and reuben wanted his father to to to just smack these people around but he never did and and he just never did and and reuben just wanted his father to stand up and just beat the out of these people but he never did and someone threw like someone there was a scene and i'm not getting this all the details correct because it's been a while since i read it but in this scene someone throws something at reuben's father and gets him dirty in the cafeteria and that's why i'm bringing this book up as an example and instead of reuben's father smacking him it was a it was one like the eighth grade boy or the kid in high school it was a kid that had acne he goes over to him and touches his face and heals him and heals him of this acne and then walks out of the school and reuben was infuriated infuriated but what he did was he healed this boy of his rage and his need to humiliate other people and he saw that this this boy with the acne was so jealous of how much reuben and his father loved each other so he saw that's what he healed him of that he he could wear the dirty clothes and it didn't mean a thing to him because he saw where the pain was coming from and his his faith was so great that what happened to him physically was of no consequence that this is a magnificent story an absolutely magnificent story magnificent and and again and again i think what someone's highest potential is is hidden behind acts of humiliation it's hidden behind tests that say how how protected do you need to be by the illusions of life and by the judgments of other people i mean because the highest potential is not about impressing other people it's about service where you are instructed to go and what you are instructed to do again and again and and i saw this when i wrote invisible acts of power and i think of that boy i think of that boy who said i love this story i'll let you go i will i promise but the story of he was going to town i think he was like 15 years old and he here's this man going and he looks over and here's this homeless man he's homeless he's a bag man and and this man says to him hey hey come here can you help me out and the kid's standing there and he looks around and he's and his first thought was was anyone seeing me anywhere near this dirty man he says come on he says just help me walk over there and he points someplace so this kid has a decision to make he's afraid people will see him and then he's looking at this man and he finally decides to follow his gut that's telling him go over there to that man so he goes over the man says look just walk with me a few blocks i can't walk on my own so they start walking and this man says do you live around here so this young man 15 years old he's dealing with this homeless man who's got nothing and he starts complaining about his life he says oh his parents don't understand him and he's just just has this rough life and yada yada yada and this this homeless man says well you know sometimes parents just do this but things will work out and he starts this homeless man begins to counsel this guy and begins to tell him things are going to work out and you'll see and parents love you and you stick with it and then the next thing you know they get to this other bench that this man said would you just help me to get to that bench and they get there and this homeless man said this kid says you know i'm kind of hungry and the homeless guy goes well i can't help you there and the kid rifles through and he has a couple of bucks and he says well i'll get us a mcdonald's so he goes and he gets some mcdonald's they both share a hamburger and then this kid's looking and the man says thanks a lot and uh then the guy realizes he says you know i better get home and the kitten the man says yeah i best bet you're missing that clean home and that clean bed and a good supper and the kid looks at this homeless man and says yeah yeah he says remember to appreciate those parents huh and he says yeah yeah so he goes home and he tells his mom and she says you go find him you go bring him back here and he was gone he was gone and that choice to not be controlled by the fear that others would see him sitting with a dirty person but in fact what this kid said was i kept company with an angel with an angel who changed my life and who opened my heart to my family and i in turn to the families of others for the rest of my life but if i had in that moment if my pride had taken over and said oh no what if other people see me that was the moment his highest potential his charism surfaced and god said you call it you call it now do you want your highest potential don't you and there it was so you don't know when the moment will come when the choice will come when the choice will come but it's always a humble package always okay everybody long day good day okay everybody have a wonderful evening i'll see you at dinner um 6 30 go out walk a little bit it's a gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous day thank you everybody

Channel: Caroline Myss

Views: 12,236

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Id: S1YBSy_Y4VM

Length: 74min 51sec (4491 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 04 2022