Can you beat Oblivion with the worst weapon?

welcome to Elder Scrolls of Bolivia a hand-crafted expansive RPG experience spanning hundreds of hours of questing and adventuring in the Glorious world of Tamriel every enemy and item perfectly balanced for the most fair and enjoyable gameplay experience and today we're going to beat it with a home hello there ladies and gentlemen I'm the spiffing bridge your local Bethesda balance tester you might think spiff why not for you attempting this stupid and absurdly difficult task the reasoning is simple many moons ago a user called swag pool Lord left a comment asking if I could beat Oblivion using his mom much to my surprise Bethesda had already personally added swag pool Lord's mum into the game with the official May runes Razer plug-in we now have access to the dirty home a seemingly terrible weapon considering that we're expected to slay demons that said I like a challenge so let's see if we can beat Oblivion with a hoe AKA swag pool Lord's mum so make sure your sat back relaxed with a cup of Yorkshire Tea and you've saluted the Union Jack that you've lying above your PC so it's time Majestic sausages let us begin a brand new game of Oblivion so we need a hero for our adventure and considering that there's mums involved we need a family-friendly character consequently we're going to be making the hit 2001 character Shrek naturally of course we have to create a perfect character and well the Oblivion character creator is beautiful oh God everything I touched turns into a knife everyone this game is a beautiful engine for creating nightmares that will keep you up at night I've just kind of messing with sliders and I have no idea what's going to happen I might be creating something wonderful but you kind of have no idea until you turn it sideways oh gosh I completely forget you could also just flashbang your characters so good I have no idea why a video game would say yes I would like a character that can burn brighter than the sun but you know you can do that if you want right and uh here we have it we have our lovely character Shrek look I gave it my best shot and I think he's beautiful I love him he's got such a cute little button nose Okay well it's a button that's been lodged into his nose but you know he's still lovable and I mean if this guy can pull Princess Fiona then let's be real maybe all of us have a wanted love in life anyway into the game now you might be thinking spiff why are you playing an orc well the reasoning is very simple Orcs are pretty good at melee combat and melee combat is exactly what we're going to be limited to We Can't cast any of these fancy spells Shenanigans accordingly we've got to enjoy the fight life that is ho combat oh hello there oh this man says I'm an ugly one oh he says with the most repulsive race in all of tamiot right that's it we're gonna go murder this man we're gonna murder that man I'll do it oh oh my goodness look at little physics going having fun right here we go look it's none other than the wonderful Emperor he's seen me oh you've watched Shrek let me see your face yes that's right oreoceptin you dream about Shrek my friend what an eye for talent this man has God's give me his truth or honestly it's nice for Shrek to meet a fan in the wild uh he's very excited but hey what's going on oh he's about to die what a shame right and naturally we're just going to follow the emperor on his glorious escape attempt and by that I mean we're just going to jump around a bunch so that we can level up look my acrobatics has already increased I can jump quite high oh and here come the Assassins that are fighting the Emperor of course we could fight them but honestly there is no point one of the issues with you know being restricted to only using a hoe is that I can't exactly punch people because that's using my fists consequently I must flee from all combat until I find the true weapon of the hoe right so we're bam through here we go where rats are trying to fight us now we must of course uh flee around the rats there we go bypass those rats what do we got in here we got no log picks uh beans well at least we have some armor here we can just Auto attempt this lock get some money from it and immediately leg it so we'll bam quickly we just leg it out of the door we don't want to fight anything we're not cut out for fighting instead we're just going to sneak past this little all right ah my sneakers increased oh dear the red spotted me right run leg it legit my friend ah there's more rats there's even zombies okay run past those ah good job Shrek you're a lover not a fighter trust me although I suppose the true canonical lover of the Shrek universe is donkey considering the dude pulled a dragon geez these rats are fast you know it matters little because we've almost escaped ale there we go that'll get us moving I'd have a quick Shrek with some armors hopefully we should be in a slightly healthier position to bypass all of this combat now uh we are meant to of course fight this Goblin but that would be a very silly idea so instead we are going to do our best job and just run past oh what's grabbing a potion oh dear that's a trap right Dodge the Trap run past it lovely jubbly and in classic Shrek hijinks fashion we'll even kill some people with some falling logs there we go potions of healing as well fantastic we'll NAB those and then yes we need to go quickly around all of these lovely goblins and make our Escape right next up we need to pick the star sign of Shrek there's quite a few options I mean we could of course go for the lover but I think we need something more powerful so we will go for the Star Sign of the warrior just to Simply make us far better at combat alright so I have to guard the emperor with my life whilst they go fight some assassins oh my goodness that's a lot of Assassins now um the emperor is gonna basically say hey I'm about to die and then he's going to die so there we go he's told us and then he's smiling as he's about to just get shanked in the back rip so he's dead now of course we're expected to uh fight that man we can't uh luckily we can get supported by Bowers here I know the emperor's dead sorry right next up we actually need to pick a class to fight with I think we're just gonna go for a barbarian because all of the good things we're going to need right so out of the sewers we go and whilst I do that I'm going to get harassed by all of the DLC quests activated alright and naturally we're just going to Blitz our way past all of these rats sorry rat friends not going to fight you aha I've defeated you with a gate good luck rat outsmarted my little furry friends you have been bested by Shrek remember the day that you were oh wait there's a goblin he can't open Gates right no beans he can't open gates up flee flee my friend flee oh my goodness we've got to get a wiggle on ow okay right quick flee right we finished exit the sewers ah welcome into the Glorious glorious world of Oblivion once again we're bombarded by even more DLC messages yep I don't know how we're getting all of this and make knowledge about locations of the map and bloodstained keys but it matters a little that was I can't fight anyone until I actually get myself a weapon we need to beeline our way there and luckily for us it is way on over here instant watch so we need to fast travel to the nearest settlement which would be Brazil so that's what we're going to do and yes despite the fact that there's a weird floating head in the water we're going to ignore that and simply run past now like all good unarmed British people if we encounter any danger on our route we simply must use the handy acronym Flav which stands for a fight like a Frenchman and by that I mean flee in the opposite direction at high speed all right fantastic we've landed on the opposite Shores all we need to do is basically run in a straight line now because we're level one there shouldn't be too many dangerous beasties lots of happy little deer although honestly all it takes is one particularly Grumpy Bear and then we're kind of dead ah what a lovely and beautiful game our destination lies somewhere over there in those Hills and you know what it's fun just to stroll across the landscape Harvest various supplies that I'm never going to use and collect potions that I'll also never use but what I can do is experience the world alright my destination lies just across from this Lake and I'm going to run around as there's this weird little Camp here that potentially has a friend I mean look there's a human humans are largely friendly they must be completely fine where are they're not fine with me I will take that as a sign of not happy he is not happy okay jeez you see a big luminous green orb running towards you and you'd think you'd have a smile on your face at least you can go find that mud crab instead gotten tunnels what okay this place looks cool but it's full of mud crabs I can't find mud crabs right out of the Forgotten Turtles we go okay well bam we've almost made it oh geez the man followed me what is he doing here okay well um flee up the hill we go fastly up the hill She's the Man crossed the entire Lake just to chase me I mean at least you can say something about the enemies definitely the enemies in Oblivion are kind of persistent but then we've made it over to sunderklift which is our destination for our weapon have you seen the bowels of this forgotten lands we will find ourselves the rusty hoe so now I've entered I can basically begin my search for May runes razor which is what this Quest is about uh we are not going to be doing any of that he followed me in here okay right that's it right grab all of these oh my goodness they're fighting ah they're fighting with themselves well I can't particularly fight them what I can do is try and find the rusty hoe right now what we're about to do is very rapidly speed our way through this uh dungeon there is no way that we're going to survive so instead we're going to flee now we we do need to do is read this little note so that we know the password for the door we're then going to answer with the password for the door and then they're going to panic because evidently I was not meant to gain access to this area nonetheless uh we're going to just run our way through we've got to be a very Speedy boy because there's a lot of very grumpy people on our tail and uh when they see us they're going to get pretty stabby excuse me excuse me please thank you I have a very important quest to do anyway down into this section we go as we now need to make our way over into the lovely sunderklift Village the dark elves have set up a little town it's very very cute and of course we just want to charge our way through here we do not want to fight anyone and on the other side we're going to find ourselves the Glorious thundercliff Ford then we're going to make our way through the forge in its very twisty Canyons beans excuse me just run past anyone trying to fight you there we go and then now that we've made our way through we are into the sunderklift mines where we get to see the dark elves main operation here mining that's right they've got a bunch of uh Khajiit indentured workers and these khajiits for some reason are working using hoes which is where we get actually the access to our first everho in the game uh this one we can't use it is just a hoe but don't worry we'll be able to find ourselves some combat hose very shortly now we could kill a Khajiit to get one but we're not going to do that instead we just want to bypass it all run past oh my goodness I'm just getting sped out by some very angry people anyway just run around there we go it's a nice big open mind and then we want to get to this lovely Central Pavilion and now that we've made our way here we want to get over there to that Barrel so we just do a quick running jump and we've made it across the ledge now none of these people can actually make their way over to us although for some reason the dark elves now fighting amongst themselves for some silly reason but now that we're over here we can get the most important item in the game in this Barrel none other than the hoe so what we have here is something very special our very own home now swag pool Lord's mum here is unique because the other hoes that those laborers are using are rock pick hoes this is the only true ho ho that can be used as a weapon the game now the game doesn't list it as having a unique enchantment to know that would be far too silly but this blunt two-handed weapon has something very special every time you hit an enemy there is a 100 chance that you give them a disease these diseases on their own aren't anything too special but if you can stack them enough on one person you can lower their stats by a very large quantity so I think it's time for us to begin our little Rampage starting with this elf man over here trying to fling arrows at me or do I'm on a Ledge right hello there say hello to my oh ho well they died instantly that's just smidge embarrassing right so we now have our weapon of choice it's time for me to leave these minds and do our best to beat the game with one of the worst weapons imaginable and ow that was very painful Ito come back you elf there you go that was a good bonking nobody wants to be bonked by a hoe oh nice try kajit what a power look for little doodad we have here now in order to prepare oh my goodness whoa my intelligence was drained ow this man is aggressive and grumpy jeez look this man go right well fantastic I've managed to repel all of our attackers they are very powerful little grumpy sword now as great as the hoe is it does take a while to swing it it basically does no damage at all and so we need to carry it using our own combat abilities oh geez you drained my luck ow jeez these little daggers move far anyway luckily we managed to defeat that man but we're definitely not the strongest warrior in the land so I'm going to throw myself into the Imperial City arena in order to train up my skills and hopefully become the greatest whole Lord this land has ever seen my goal is to see if I can win a few bouts of combat using a hoe and if that's possible it's onwards with our main quest where we must save the entire world from the Oblivion crisis right fantastic we've been handed our new battle Raymond which is a relatively okay piece of Alba and uh fits us fantastically we look brilliant wow Shrek you've never looked more Majestic anyway let's throw ourselves into the arena alright so we're bam we're ready for a match so we're suited up we're ready we've got our HOA equipped and we're gonna throw ourselves into the arena so into the big room we go it's time for us to throw ourselves out into the arena and face our first opponent we might not have a good weapon we might not have good stats but what we have is the power of greenness right so we have to face this opponent over here charging at us at high speed and oh my goodness do they look ready for about they're quite powerful but all we need to do is land a few hits and then we should have them dead to right we just have to block their attacks hit them once or twice inflict the disease onto them and then we should win yes look at this yes there we go you're looking weak and vulnerable and yes dead by the hoe we did it glorious stuff and we did it lovely stuff we get to rejuvenate ourselves after our victory in the arena it's naturally time for Shrek to do something very dangerous we're going to find the most powerful nearby being defeat them and then steal all of their armor and then using that armor we're going to finish the game in as cheesy a way possible so we are naturally going to be running and finding Umbra one of the most powerful and easy to access beings available I must say I absolutely love how this game is still completely utterly bought until this very day like look we're inside of a rock um Yep this game just has super special funky textures and odor might actually drown here uh Don't Drown on the Rock please right over into here we go there's going to be a bunch of Bandits but don't worry we've got our giant Rusty hoe which is of course exceedingly special with its unique powers of managing to give everyone who Touches at diseases so we're going to begin with um this Wizarding looking individual Yep they're going to summon a little Scamp and then we're going to hit them with our hoe and that's it they're dead right next up I have to fight this scam so we're bam yes get disease My Boy geez actually you're quite powerful heavy attack another heavy attack all right and there we go he finally went down quite the powerful little being that stunted scam but hey you know our stats are relatively low and our weapon is terrible so into the dungeon we go where we're naturally going to run into a whole bunch of very grumpy looking Bandits oh and also a rat that is clearly a rat well you're dead oh and this is a trap so goodbye rat and we'll bam there we go we found her down there is Umbra an incredibly dangerous and grumpy individual with quite a bit of power she's decked out in heavy armor and has a very very overpowered sword for this period of the game so naturally we have to try and defeat her and the way in which we're going to do this is by giving her a whole bunch of diseases right so naturally it's time for me to try and kill Umbra using our giant hoe with a big old sneak attack from behind there we go now of course she is uh incredibly powerful but all we need to do is hit her with Jesus enough um enough attacks that can wound her I mean she's actually very very terrifying I mean she almost too hits us there so let's have a quick restoration and I can apply a poison to my home which will do some additional damage oh my goodness my big Power attacks are useless so even if we can get our status effects on her her stats are so high that she is very much going to kill us so instead uh we're going to declare combat honor and just um run run at high speed away from her and uh if we're lucky she's going to basically die to some traps out oh my goodness yep she is just after me poor what a grumpy woman right into the dead rat room we go quick jump around this horrible trap of danger another quick potion of healing and my final one okay and then I suppose we have this trap oh my goodness she is so dangerous all right okay my final attempt to kill Umbra is uh use the power of the podium [ __ ] hell okay I've realized that there's actually no way I could defeat Umbra she's just way too powerful luckily that doesn't mean I can't defeat the game now you might be thinking look spiff the game is going to be filled with enemies many of whom are incredibly powerful and immensely dangerous and if a hoe can't defeat them then how on Earth are you going to win well that solution is actually pretty simple firstly we're going to need to make our way over to the Imperial Marketplace as we've got some Shenanigans to do if you see in the many barrels of the Imperial Market you will find yourselves paint brushes now paint brushes are uniquely special things unlike every other item in the game when you drop a paintbrush it doesn't remain dropped it instead remains floating in air which allows a character with you know enough jumping skills to potentially get on top of the paintbrush and defy the laws of gravity so we're going to be using this for our own Advantage so it's Into the Mystic Emporium we go because this man sells Scrolls now I don't have many Scrolls so I'm going to buy as many absorb magic Scrolls as possible which in my case is free go back out into the market and then execute Oblivion hidden feature number one scroll duplication by simply selecting our quantity of Scrolls and then shift clicking on the item we want to duplicate we are going to duplicate paint brushes and with that we've just heard two paint brushes into four paint brushes this can be used with pretty much any item like say lovely Flawless sapphires so I'm going to begin duplicating and get back to you very shortly so welcome ladies and gentlemen it's time for me to finish Oblivion now the game would have you believe that you need to go and find you know Martin the son of the emperor convince him to become the next Emperor and solve the Oblivion crisis this was that takes time and adventuring and backstabbing whereas this just requires the humble art of painting simply all I need to do was drop down one paintbrush then proceed to jump on top of said paintbrush and repeat by doing this I'm able to design a staircase of paint brushes and before you ask yes this is exactly how the developers intended you to play the game okay so just like that that I built myself a giant levitating staircase of paint brushes now that completed what you want to do is fall inside of the lovely Temple of the one and try not to die from Full damage I'm just going to quickly rest up and max out my health again and then I'm going to walk on over to the door and oh my goodness look at a super secret little sequence break that's going to allow us to access the Temple of the one that exists in the end of the game so what we're going to do is access it go on outside and watch as well the entire Oblivion crisis is going on yep that looks pretty dastardly to me all we're meant to do is of course escort the emperor's son to here however that would be a challenge and as we proved with the hoe I'm not exactly the greatest fighter so instead what we have to do is instead wait around 20 hours for Martin to make his way from his current NPC location in the world and safely travel all the way to us the reason we want to wait and do this is because the game no longer perceives enemy combat whilst you're waiting this makes Martin perfectly safe now there are a few ways to trigger Martin's arrival but one of the best ways to do it is to you know actually go and fight something so that's what we're going to do we're going to assist in in the final battle hello there look you've attacked some scam I mean we probably are meant to go into the Oblivion Gate to do some fighting but what a silly idea I must help Martin reach the Temple of the one before it's too late exactly ah and here we go lovely and of course after running around a bit we get this lovely sequence trigger May ruins Dagon is here the barriers between Oblivion and Tamriel have been destroyed yes that's right our only hope is that we can somehow defeat him because oh my goodness he is a grumpy Powerful Boy so after that triggering we need to get back inside the Temple of the one and now wait for Martin to travel his way across the world towards us because you know he didn't actually start in his correct location and were bam just like that we can cheese the game and look it's Brother Martin Way Too Late that's right Sean beans now here and apparently we've been helping him although I don't personally remember ever meeting this man but it's okay because we can cast him back into Oblivion and so I'm going to basically influence him to put on The Amulet of King and this will turn Brother Martin into the greatest weapon of all and so basically Brother Martin has said hey you to lead me to the temple luckily for me uh I've led him to the Temple look we're here brother Martin Martin and I are now inside the temple yep look of Art and here we are so he is going to do his best to begin the sequence farewell you've been a good friend of the short time that I've known you from about it it's been about 60 seconds my friend uh good luck um I I'm sure you're gonna do a great job oh dear look it's the big evil enemy it's Dagon himself but don't worry because Martin septum transforms into a dragon my goodness look at this this is like some kind of anime Showdown and it is glorious oh dear no the dragon is mortally wounded but it also can breathe fire and fire is apparently quite effective daegon does not like having his neck bitten so uh yes he gets a little bit destroyed and with that Tamriel is save we did it what a glorious success and unfortunately just like that uh a giant new dragon statue is created oh God I forgot about the cutscene there we go the Oblivion crisis is over every oblivion gate has been closed despite the fact that I never even saw an oblivion gate so there we have it we did it the world is safe High Chancellor okito is happy that we uh save the day but hey Martin's gone we proved once for all that you can indeed be to believe you with a hoe um I mean did we use the whole much uh that's questionable it matters little Oblivion is over okato it's over you can die now you piece of scum you bastard you horrible man you you I will resist the rest you puny God you have no idea who I am I'm the whole Lord ah what a glorious day anyway I hope you enjoyed today's very brief and yet very strange foray into Oblivion this is good it seems to show of some of my favorite silly speedrunning strats that this game has and set us up for a different kind of Oblivion video but fear notebooks we're going to go back to the legendary Adventures of big Susan soon as she is a brilliant vessel for experimenting with brand new never before seen exploits so if you want to see them make sure you're subscribed if you enjoyed today's video then give it a like and hop on down into the comment section to tell me what you want to see broken next as always a thank you to you the lovely Majestic sausages for watching and all of our Majestic patreons and YouTube channel members for funding it and hey if you're sat there wondering what to watch next look no further than this video on screen now chosen by me to be perfect for you anyway I'll see each and every one of you the next one have a lovely day and goodbye for now

Channel: The Spiffing Brit

Views: 1,309,259

Keywords: The, Spiffing, Brit, oblivion, elder Scrolls, game, funny, challenge, oblivion challenge, Can You Beat Oblivion with the WORST WEAPON, worst weapon, oblivion hoe, Skyrim, perfectly balanced, exploit, bug, glitch, oblivion bug, starfield, starfield release, trailer, video game, gameplay, the spiffing Brit, oblivion funny, Skyrim fork, oblivion worst, weapon, build, Bethesda, perfectly balanced game

Id: vrGRpGSdBIo

Length: 22min 42sec (1362 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 13 2023