In this video you're going to learn to stop
the anxiety cycle by exploring an internal sense of safety. [Music] So let's take a look at
the anxiety cycle. So right here after stimulus is this interpretation that we're in danger.
And this interpretation, belief, that we are in danger, that the danger is a significant and a
real threat, causes the anxiety response in our bodies. And the problem isn't that we can't
handle real dangers. Our body is built to perceive a threat, act on it, and resolve it, and
then resolve that stress response. The problem is that when we worry, when we catastrophize, when
automatic negative thoughts or mental filtering or memories of trauma come up, we have perceived
danger when we're actually safe. So you may spend hours each day in perceived danger, which leads
to an anxiety state. And this might last for the majority of the day. And this can leave us feeling
anxious and exhausted and overwhelmed because our body is like at this heightened state where
its heart is beating faster and its muscles are tight, and it's like you've run a stress marathon
while just sitting in your chair at work. In the last section of this course, in section two, we
learned to challenge the thoughts that lead to the perception of danger. In the beginning of this
section we learned about how anxiety shows up in our bodies and how we can strengthen our nervous
system so that the parasympathetic response can be become stronger. In this video you'll learn how to
strengthen that felt sense of safety. This breaks the anxiety cycle and essentially retrains our
brains to be less anxious. Now, as you do these exercises, I want you to pay attention to what
you feel in your body, to what it feels like to remember that you are safe enough right here,
right now. And I'm going to teach you a handful of exercises in this video. Um in the full course
I'm going to walk you through those exercises in more depth. Um but you can even just start making
some lists right now in in this uh short video. Um it would also be great if you got a notebook or
make a folder on your phone or computer that has a collection of these visualizations, because it's
best if you write them down down and rehearse them and practice them until your brain gets very
good at recalling them. So okay, let's jump in. How to build an internal sense of safety. Um
let's start with lists. I like lists because I feel like I'm doing something by writing things
down, right? Like lists just make me feel good. So um let's start with the first list. Make a list of
safe places, places where you feel safe and secure. And these can be a real or an imagined place. Um
is it your bed? Is it your grandma's house? Is it your favorite trail? Or the beach? Or the temple? If
you're wanting to work on this right now in the workbook from the paid course, you can pause the
video right now and write down the places where you feel safe. If you're on YouTube, go ahead and
write them in the comments. Go ahead and leave me a comment about your safe places. Okay. Next: safe
people. Who are your protectors? Um these could be real people, remembered people, or divine people.
Who do you feel safe around? Who do you feel loved by? Who do you feel fully accepted as you are with
all your your flaws? How about this one: safe music. What songs make you feel safe? Is it Metallica
or a church hymn? What are memories of times you were safe, powerful, happy, or free? Uh one of my
best memories is when I was climbing the Grand Teton with my friend Ally. Like we had the most
incredible trip where we were just in flow. We just moved so quickly and confidently up through the
mountains. It was a gorgeous bluebird day in one of the most amazing places in the whole planet. That
is one of my best memories. Um another one: when I was a little kid we were up at my grandparents'
cabin, which is also one of my safe places. It was winter and we went out cross-country skiing. and
the snow was so cold it made this little sound under our skis. and if you've never seen clear
sky with no light pollution in the winter, you have no idea how amazing the Milky Way looks. It's -
the stars are so bright that there is more light than darkness in the sky. Um I've never seen the
stars that bright in my life. And it's like you're looking at more bright than dark. So those are two
of my like amazing, transcendent memories that I have. Okay. And then let's make it one more list:
um safe sensations. What are smells that help you feel safe? Like vanilla or strawberry or campfire
smoke. Um what are touch, like sensations that make you feel safe? Like what's a what's something that
you like to feel? Whether it's like your necklace or your bracelet or satin or something that you
touch that makes you feel safe or wrapped in a warm blanket? What's a taste that helps you feel
safe? Like chocolate ice cream, you know. What are these sensations that send a message to your brain
and body that you are safe right now? I mean, I can think of like a good book by a fire at my cabin.
Like that's incredible. As we work through these lists and as we talk about these things, as you
write about them and think about them, pause and notice what you feel in your body. We are bringing
to mind a sense of safety, and that creates a real physical reaction. Like I can feel a sense of joy
as I do this. Okay. Now, let's let's move on to our first exercise. And I'm going to just cover these
very briefly in this video so that you have an overview, and you might get a feel for which ones
of these you want to practice in depth. And in the full paid course, you know, I've got all these
exercises in long form and a place in the workbook for you to work through these. So um let's do this
first exercise called drawing safety. So uh I want you to get out a piece of paper and a pencil. And
I want you to visualize your safe place, real or imagined, and I want you to draw it on this piece
of paper. Um now the goal here is not to create a piece of art. The goal here is to activate the
visual cortex in your brain as you create a sense of safety. So I'll tell you what my safe place is.
One of, another one of my safe places - and I'll show you what that drawing looks like- so for me it's a
desert canyon on a cool, crisp morning, bright blue skies, bright red stone, the walls are steep, um it's
cool and the air is fresh. I can smell the Ponderosa Pine, which is a mixture of butterscotch and pine
needles, and it's quiet. Now, I am neither a poet nor an artist, but as I remember this I feel a sense
of ease and happiness wash over me. So that's an example of drawing safety. And I want you to go do
this exercise, and you'll feel it too. Next short exercise I'm going to give you an overview of.
And again, the full exercise is in the course. The parasympathetic response is all about safety and
connection, being truly connected with people who will love you and support you. So now we're going
to create a safe-person anchor for you. Um Mr. Rogers used to say, "When I was a boy and I would see scary
things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who
are helping.'" So who are your safe people? How does it feel to be around them? Who protects you and
helps you and keep you safe? It could be someone real or imagined. It could be a divine being, an
angel or God. Um and for me, my safe people include my father, my babies, my dog, prayer, cuddling with
my husband. Like I said, it can just as easily be your pet as a human. So I want you to go and write
in detail about at least one of these in your workbook. Here's another exercise. Um it's called
the light-stream exercise. And again, the full, the full exercise is in the course. Imagine a beam
of healing light entering the top of your head and traveling down through your body, filling you
with warmth and strength and comfort. Imagine it slowly filling you, how warm and safe you feel. And
again, the full exercise is in the paid course in the workbook. Another page in your journal or
your like collection of safe resources could be a page about your strengths and accomplishments.
So write about what you are skilled at, what you are gifted at. Write about the hard things you've
accomplished. What have you survived? What are you competent at? What are you confident at? Make a
list. Or maybe you could even like put a little, get a little Altoids tin, and you put a little reminder
of all these things in this tin. When you're having a hard time, you open it and remind yourself, these
are my safe people. This is my strengths. This is what I'm capable of. And it'll remind you that you
are safe. Um another page in your journal should be about your best memories. What are some of
your best memories? Write them down in detail, and notice how it feels to remember them. Notice how
your body feels. Okay. Here's one more resourcing exercise that we use with anxiety and trauma. Um
it's called placing your worries in a container. And if you start to feel overwhelmed by a memory
or an emotion, you can visualize placing it in a container, locking it up, and setting it aside
for later processing. So for example, visualize a filing cabinet, or you can use an actual one. And
write down the title to that memory or that dream or that problem. Place it in a file, put in the
cabinet, and say, "I'm going to come back to that later." Here's another one: we can restore a felt
sense of safety through self-regulation, which is right here in the present moment reminding
ourselves that here in the present moment you are safe. Um so in this situation I would use a
grounding skill. Notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can
hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste, and reminding yourself that right here
in the present moment, I am safe enough. This is a good mantra: I am safe enough right now. I can
get through this. I've done hard things before, and I can do them again. I'm okay, you know,
or God will protect me or whatever it is. Another thing you can do: gratitude practice. It literally
shifts your attention from scarcity to abundance, and that's going to shift your nervous system.
Okay. So there's a big list of things you can do to restore that felt sense of safety. It's
resources for when you're processing trauma or other things. Um so how can you use these? You
can choose your favorite resource. And then I would just say like try each of these a little
bit, and then choose your favorite one, the one that's most powerful for you, and then practice
reading through that visualization um once a day to strengthen your vagal tone. Just not when
you're anxious. Like in the morning or evening. Like schedule a time to do this visualization. And
then you can start to pair that visualization during very mild anxiety-provoking situations. Um
we don't want to go and immediately like every time I'm anxious be like, "Okay, let's do the safe
place exercise," because that's actually going to pair like really intense anxiety with a safe
place exercise. Instead, we want to practice it when we're calm, and then practice it in like a
very mildly anxiety-provoking situation, and then eventually, with time, with practice, you'll be able
to bring these skills to mind as you face bigger challenges. Let me just give you an example. One
of my clients, um a client who has experienced trauma, she was getting ready to share a part of
her story in therapy that she'd never told anyone, and we talked about how to get ready for this. So
she decided to bring her most comfortable blanket to session, and then before we began, uh we did her
favorite breathing exercise, paced breathing. Then she told her story, and um I was there, and I was,
you know, giving eye contact and reassurance and I was a safe person for her. Um and then after she
told the story she brought to mind the memory of her beloved mother who had passed away, and she
thought of her mother hugging her and telling her she loved her and was proud of her, and we did
some more breathing, we ate a piece of chocolate, with her permission I gave her a hug. And some
tears were shed, but she left the office feeling lighter and more resilient. So we made sure to
keep that memory within her window of tolerance. We used all of these safety and resourcing skills
to um regulate her nervous system in the moment. So these are exercises. They're not necessarily coping
skills. You can use them when when you're stressed, but it's best to practice them over and over for
a week or so when you aren't stressed, and that way they're easy for you to recall during moments
of anxiety. The goal here is that you have a bunch of resources that you can draw from when you're
having a hard time. Okay. Hope that's helpful. Um this video is one section from my online course
Break the Anxiety Cycle in 30 days. I hope it's helpful for you. If you'd like to find the full
course, the link's in the description. Um I'm also going to include a link to a video showing
how the EMDR therapist uses um the safe person exercise to install resources for someone who's
experienced trauma. Okay. Thanks for watching. Take care. [Music]
