Worry is the fuel of anxiety. It's what feeds
generalized anxiety disorder. If you want to learn how to control generalized anxiety
disorder, you have to learn how to control your worry. But if you tell someone to stop
worrying, they'll just like shake their head because it's not that easy. Worry is hard to
control. It's an old habit that's worn deep grooves into your neural pathways. And you do
it because your brain thinks it protects you, but it really weighs you down. In this video
you'll learn why your brain likes to worry, why your brain thinks it's helpful, and you'll
learn a really practical way to set boundaries on your worrying because when you do, you
can decrease anxiety massively, like 75%. the anxiety cycle. We start here at stimulus, and
at some point we perceive danger. We believe that we're in danger, whether that's real or in our
head. That's what triggers the anxiety response; it's our thoughts of danger that make us feel
anxious. And for most people it's worrying that fuels anxiety disorders. When we worry we imagine
future dangers, like being rejected or losing our jobs or failing at life, and that creates
a real physical reaction in our bodies, the fight/flight/freeze response. And while it seems
like the logical answer is to just stop worrying, it doesn't work like that because our brain likes
to worry because because sometimes worrying keeps us safe. Sometimes worrying protects us, and
our brain is designed to keep us alive, not to make us happy. So let's review the two reasons
why your brain likes to worry. There's a bonus video after this one in the course that goes into
a lot more detail on this, but here's the summary: worry is a mutated form of problem-solving. Humans
have these super powerful brains that can imagine future scenarios and find solutions to them,
and our ability to plan for the future is why we attend school or save for a rainy day. Right?
Good problem-solving is intentional. You choose to do it. It's focused on your locus of control,
what you can change, and it's action-oriented. But worry is like a cancer. It starts to spread to all
the areas of your life. And it's telling you when and where to do it, and it often focuses on things
that you can't change. So worry is maladaptive problem-solving. Worrying secretly feels good.
Your brain secretly believes that worrying is preventing bad things from happening. It's a
sneaky form of magical thinking. So let's say that your child is going on a long drive, and you
worry about your child getting into a car crash, and they don't get into a car crash. Your brain
subconsciously believes that worrying prevented bad things from happening, and it's going to
reinforce that worry. It's going to make you worry more. Someone commented on one of my videos, "If
you stop worrying about this, it means you're not taking care of this so it's going to be a disaster
and it's going to be your fault entirely." That's the first reason your brain believes that worry
protects you. One day after I learned some of these skills to stop constant worry I was driving
down the road one day and I wasn't worrying. And I was really like, I was realizing how good that
felt and to not feel so anxious. And then out of the blue I was struck by a very loud thought that
said, "What if I get too comfortable and happy and then something bad happens? What if God has to
send some trials because I was feeling too happy?" And as soon as I noticed this thought I literally
laughed out loud because I know exactly what that thought is. It's a worry trying to convince me
to keep worrying. I don't actually believe that God is like that, and I don't actually believe
that worrying prevents bad things from happening, but this is the exact reason why my brain likes
to worry. It believes that worrying is keeping me safe. This is faulty thinking. But if you tell
someone to stop worrying, what will they say? They'll say, "Oh, it's not that easy. I wish I
could. I feel like I have to" or "That's just putting my head in the sand." And even though
it seems impossible, you can learn how to stop worrying. So let me teach you how. Also, I need to
give credit to Nick Wignall for really condensing a lot of this psychology into practical,
actionable skills. If you'd like to learn more, please check out his course Worry Free. Uh link's
in the description. Okay. So step number one: you need to know the difference between a worry and
worrying. There are two types of thoughts. Number one is the type of thought that just pops in and
out of your head all day. Your brain is a word machine. It's going to make random thoughts all
the time. The second type of thought is something we engage with. It's active thinking. It's
engaging in a behavior. Thinking is something that we're doing, and we need to be able to use two
different types of skills for two different types of thinking. For the random pop-in thoughts, these
automatic thoughts, it just doesn't help to engage with them, but it also doesn't help to struggle
against them. If a worry thought pops into your head, you just notice it, say, "Hey, brain. Thanks
for making that worry thought. Moving on." So with worry thoughts we use cognitive defusion. You
don't struggle against your worry thoughts. That just makes them stickier. But worrying, that's a
different thing. Worrying is when you're allowing your mind to dwell on troubles. Worrying is the
action that you are doing of turning a problem over and over in your mind. It's when we engage
with worry thoughts and we keep thinking them. This is something that you are doing. It's not
something that happens to you. To control anxiety we need to set boundaries on our worrying. So
let's think about worrying as if it were a train. When a train is moving it's got a ton of momentum.
If you try to stop a train, it's super hard. It's impossible to do quickly. But it's relatively
easy to direct a train to a specific track. You can channel that train into a different direction.
We're going to take all that worrying energy and we're going to tell it when and where it's allowed
to go using a skill called scheduled worry. So you are going to worry on purpose. Here's how you
do it: plan a time each day when you are going to sit down and worry for 15 to 30 minutes. And
I want you to pick a consistent time. This is an exercise, not a coping skill. We're strengthening
your brain's ability to set boundaries, not just trying to feel better when you're anxious. So you
need to be consistent if you want to develop these brain boundary muscles, basically a new groove
in your brain, a new train track in your brain. So choose a time that you can be consistent. And
I do not recommend first thing in the morning or last thing before bed. Like, don't do it in your
bed or some other place that you want want it to be relaxing. This is worry time. Like, kitchen
counter might be a good place for this or your desk at work, something like that. Right? It's
easier to tell your brain when and where to worry than to tell it to not worry. Then during this
time, during this consistent time, I want you to write down all your worries. Putting them down on
paper makes them more concrete and it shows your brain that you're serious, that you'll address
these worries so that it doesn't have to keep reminding you throughout the day. And if you'd
like, you can clarify some of your worries. You can also choose if there's one or two things you
want to plan to take action on, or perhaps there's a problem you need to solve. Like if you're
worried about money, maybe you need to stick to a budget this week by using an envelope system.
Right? But this this exercise isn't really about problem solving. And we're going to talk more
about problem solving in chapter 4. The goal of this exercise is to tell your brain, "This, right
now, 6 p.m. for 15 minutes is when I worry." Then when your timer goes off, step away. Leave the
paper in the space and go do something different. So it can be nice to call a friend, go for a walk,
play with your dogs, whatever is engaging for you. Your next worry session is in 24 hours. So what
do you do in the meantime? When a worry comes up, you want to notice it and redirect it. So
it's going to sound something like this: "Oh, oh hi there, worry. Let's talk at 6:00, okay?"
And then redirect your attention to what you do want to be doing in the present moment. What do
you care about? Is it your work? Is it the people around you? Shift your attention to them, and
if a worry pops up again, you keep having these worries pop up, you say, "Thanks for telling me.
Those are some really strong worries. Let's talk about them at 6." And you go right back to your
values, what you care about right now. "I want to be playing with my kids right now." "I want to
be noticing the sunset." With our minds we need to redirect our attention to the present moment and
our values. We, you need to pay attention to what we want our life to be about instead of dwelling
on future fears or allowing worrying to take over. Remember, this isn't a coping skill. This is an
exercise. Um so for example if you find yourself feeling really fat and out of shape and like you
get winded really easily going upstairs, you might start working out, uh exercising physically
to improve your cardiovascular health. When you find yourself drowning in anxiety, this is the
exercise to do for a few weeks to a month. Right? Do it for three weeks minimum every single day at
a scheduled time. Don't use it as a coping skill for when you feel worried. I get this question a
lot, actually: Can I use distraction to help me stop worrying? So if I, if I notice I'm worrying,
can I watch TV? If I notice I'm worrying, can I look at YouTube? Right? In general, distraction is
not a helpful long-term solution. So for example, if you start worrying during the day and you
constantly turn to your phone to avoid your worries, that phone usage, that distraction
is going to interfere with your ability to live your values, to engage with the people
or to do your work, and it's also a sign to your brain. It's a form of avoidance right here,
which gives you some relief in the short term, but it tells your brain that that thought is,
that worry thought is important, and your brain is going to make it louder. Distraction feeds
worrying and avoidance in the long run, and it makes your life less meaningful and less vibrant.
However, in a short-term training period you can use limited distraction paired with scheduled
worry to train your brain. So for example, if you're struggling to set boundaries on your
worries when you're trying to fall asleep, uh listening to a moderately boring audio book
might redirect your brain away from worrying, and you can say, "I will think about that tomorrow
at 6." Now, this really is a fine line. Right? Distraction is not a good long-term strategy, um
but you can use it to break the worry habit in the short term if you pair it with scheduled worry.
The long-term skill that will be helpful here is mindfulness. This is the ability to control your
attention. But we're going to talk about that in the next video. So here's what you can expect from
practicing the skill of scheduled worry: you are going to spend less time worrying. The majority
of your worrying will happen at once, leaving you much more of your day to not be worrying and doing
something else. Also, by being intentional about your worrying, you might be able to solve some
problems. And worrying on purpose will decrease chronic anxiety and stress. Your body is really
well adapted to short-term stress. It's okay to get anxious or worked up in short bursts. It's
the chronic stress that's harmful. So by putting in all your worrying at once, you give your body
a chance to relax and regulate throughout the day. Okay. So go ahead and schedule a time and place to
worry every day for 3 week. Come come back to this video and tell me how it went and how much your
anxiety decreased. I'm so excited for you to learn how to set boundaries on your worrying and to get
healthier. Thanks for watching, and take care.
