Bo Burnham is SAVAGE AF

what do you call it kid with no arms and an eyepatch names when did my mother first subscribe case next to me good question I was 8 years old I was 8 years old she brought me into the dining room she sat right across the table from me she said you know your father and I love each other I said of course you and Dad loved each other more than two people in the world could possibly love each other she said well two men can love each other in the exact same way that your father and I love each other she said what happens when two men love each other like that what they do is they they take off all their clothes they get into bed and they [ __ ] on the Bible hey guys like impressions like impressions hmm why Socrates [ __ ] [ __ ] I [ __ ] [ __ ] let's get [ __ ] when I [ __ ] [ __ ] Noah fans and or BOTS I [ __ ] [ __ ] I cluck [ __ ] nice girls are nice for no good for nut sucking they'll need a serene night to green-light a [ __ ] but that' bees he was slaves the old [ __ ] [ __ ] booed the nice girls praise be to sloth [ __ ] I have a list a list yes the list of all the [ __ ] like master I've never [ __ ] or sucked these [ __ ] and thus my nuts are [ __ ] pissed so when I [ __ ] the lucky [ __ ] my nut removes her from the list another dumb [ __ ] bucket struck from my nut sucking suck at [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] bucket list yes you hear the influences Chaucer jeez pages are blank I know it why am i lying to you [ __ ] can be white black brown Pinker Amin they can be skinny with big tits or beats skinny with small ones [ __ ] can be perky prep your posh with their brains in their clothes all shrunk from the wash excuse me what other [ __ ] are pretty and funny and smart these [ __ ] can lift on your thoughts when your dick to your heart they can talk about science music or art they can put you together or they can pull you apart but don't trust these [ __ ] don't don't you dare the force you trust them and love them and care and then they'll be gone and then you'll be aware of that hole in your heart that that dumb [ __ ] left there thank you very much my aunt used to say slow and steady wins the race she died in a fire I moved to UM Hollywood recently from Boston where I grew up and places and I I I heard about these sort of wild Hollywood party nights that people would have and I think they were true until I moved to Hollywood and I started having them anyway this is a there's a song about a crazy night that happened a couple weeks ago it's called what did i do last night [Music] hey hey one in our last night [Music] cried myself to sleep those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones or macerate the day time for my people still living in the streets still living in poverty I want to tell you I'm doing this for you my success is your success I know they may be thinking hey if you really believe that why don't you use some of your money to help rebuild the neighborhood instead of putting spinning rims on a gold jetski and to that I say uh-oh course is coming every single day doing everything away they go ladies say oh boy anymore you got a few like a tuna I'll smell you later I met a fat chick and I [ __ ] her in an elevator it was wrong on so many levels [Music] fifteen cents a day you can feed an African they eat pennies he shouldn't be able to talk before him yeah yeah III got a fair point I am I'm of the the younger generation so I just wonder for all of you who are you yes do you have a legacy or something now what about what if I gave you like a scenario could you just do it could you do like a little version of that yeah like let's pretend that we're all bank robbers robbing a bank you're in charge and we're gonna put put the gun up to the clerk and say give me your money go for that wait I think Bono if you want to help poor people sell your tinted shades you two'll I said we went to the abortion clinic just the other day and we were really hungry so he had to say feed us feed us penis penis penis I'll take my medium rare my dog's stomach was very upset so I put him in the car and we went to the vet and on our way to the vet I killed a cat he is in that ironic I adopted a child from overseas to rescue him from child labor factories and on his very first birthday we went to build-a-bear works [Music] it's a man I are oh and I see Ino rir oh and I see yes in a water park is burnt to the ground and a tow truck has broken down I always used to cry when I laughed and then I was raped by a clown I was watching Al Gore on CNN he was talking about the environment and then out of boredom my pet polar bear shot himself [Music] I dated an animal rights activist one day she got really pissed because I was eating veal that was wrapped in pita bread pita it isn't that iro and I say yes anaheim us stand-up comic and I always sit and slouch and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle's pull-out couch ironic iro and I see yes in a Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant the grandfather had Alzheimer's and one day we were [Applause]

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 252,078

Rating: 4.9107647 out of 5

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Id: JfOGYC5hS5g

Length: 8min 12sec (492 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 15 2020