We all want love. How many single ladies out
there looking for love tonight? (women cheering) Yeah, woo that sadness out.
(audience laughing) There's more where that came from. Ladies, I know what you want, want, want. (audience laughing) ♪ You want a guy that's
sweet, a guy that's tough ♪ ♪ A feminist who likes to pay for stuff ♪ ♪ The kind of guy that gets
along with your friends ♪ ♪ Without being attracted to any of them ♪ ♪ A good boy, a bad boy, a good bad boy ♪ ♪ A half good, half bad, half boy ♪ ♪ Loves your brothers,
sensitive but not weak ♪ ♪ And is a great lover, calls
your mother on the weekend ♪ ♪ Now you might think this
guy only exists in your mind ♪ ♪ Guess what, you're right ♪ ♪ If you want love, lower
your expectations a few ♪ ♪ Because Prince Charming
would never settle for you ♪ ♪ If you want love, just
pick a guy and love him ♪ ♪ And if he's got a thing for feet ♪ ♪ Say, fuck it, sweep me off them ♪ (audience laughing)
Now the good thing is that at least men have very realistic
expectations for women. He said, sarcastically setting up a second verse in a comedy song. (audience laughing) ♪ You want a girl that's
nice, a girl that's not ♪ ♪ Obsessed with her looks,
but is insanely hot ♪ ♪ The kind of girl that you
can show to your folks ♪ ♪ Loves the movies that you like ♪ ♪ And always laughs at your jokes ♪ ♪ A real girl, a hot
girl, a really hot girl ♪ ♪ A brand new, really hot, real doll ♪ ♪ Wants to impress you,
doesn't care if you notice ♪ ♪ And only ever uses you
to tickle her throat with ♪ ♪ Now you might think that this girl ♪ ♪ Only exists in your mind ♪ ♪ But she's real, but last week she died ♪ ♪ If you want love, lower
your expectations a lot ♪ ♪ You might think your dick is
a gift, I promise it's not ♪ ♪ If you want love, just
pick a girl and love her ♪ ♪ Then whip out your dick ♪ ♪ And let the girl you
love decline the offer ♪ ♪ I don't want a neat
freak, I don't want a slob ♪ ♪ Somebody with bedhead
and a dead-end job ♪ ♪ 'Cause I won't settle
for less than perfect ♪ ♪ We want perfect
children, a perfect life ♪ ♪ Perfect husband or a perfect wife ♪ ♪ But deep down we
know, we don't deserve ♪ (audience laughing) ♪ But ♪ ♪ We all deserve love ♪ ♪ Even on the days when
we aren't our best ♪ ♪ 'Cause we all suck, but
love can make us suck less ♪ ♪ We all deserve love ♪ ♪ It's the very best part of being alive ♪ ♪ And I would know, I just turned 25 ♪ (audience cheers and applauds)
(upbeat instrumental music)
