ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON "MARRIAGE TODAY" WITH JIMMY AND KAREN... JIMMY: DAY ONE DYNAMIC OF BLENDED FAMILIES. IF YOU HAVEN'T RESOLVED THIS, THE DEVIL'S CONSTANTLY WORKING YOU TO DESTROY YOUR PRESENT RELATIONSHIPS. HE'S CONSTANTLY WORKING YOU, DRAGGING YOU BACK INTO EITHER THE BITTERNESS OF YOUR PAST OR GLAMORIZED MEMORIES THAT ARE JUST NOT REAL. THIS IS WHAT HE ALWAYS DOES.
APRIL: I REALLY HAD TO REALIZE THAT MY HUSBAND IS NOT MY EX-HUSBAND. TY: I WOULD SAY YOU REALLY HAVE TO EXTEND FORGIVENESS BECAUSE IF YOU'RE CARRYING IT, IT'S GONNA, IT'S LIKE CARRYING A WEDGE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARTNER. YOU CAN'T GET PAST IT. [MUSIC] JIMMY: A BLENDED FAMILY, WHEN YOU DEFINE BLENDED FAMILIES, IS A MARRIAGE WHERE ONE OR BOTH SPOUSES BRING CHILDREN WITH THEM FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP. SOMETIMES IT WASN'T A MARRIAGE. SOMETIMES IT WAS, YOU KNOW, AN UNWANTED PREGNANCY THAT, YOU KNOW, RESULTED IN A CHILD OR CHILDREN, OR MAYBE MULTIPLE MARRIAGES OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. BUT THERE IS A DIFFERENT DYNAMIC TO IT. 50% OF ALL FAMILIES ARE BLENDED FAMILIES. AND BUT THERE'S ALSO HIGHER DIVORCE IN BLENDED FAMILIES, WHICH ISN'T NECESSARY. IT'S REALLY NECESSARY BECAUSE THERE ARE DYNAMICS PRESENT DAY ONE IN BLENDED FAMILIES THAT ARE NOT PRESENT IN OTHER FAMILIES. AND, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, THERE'S ENOUGH RISK OF DIVORCE IN A REGULAR MARRIAGE. BUT WHEN YOU HAVE A BLENDED FAMILY MARRIAGE, WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE SPECIAL ISSUES RELATED TO THAT. AND I'VE SEEN OVER THE YEARS OF DOING WHAT WE DO, WE'VE SEEN THE MOST INCREDIBLE BLENDED FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. NOW, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT BLENDED FAMILY SEMINARS. BECAUSE THEY'RE DIFFERENT. AND THAT IS, A LOT OF PEOPLE IN BLENDED FAMILIES JUST KIND OF FEEL LIKE THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG, OR THEY KIND OF FEEL GUILTY. LIKE SOMEHOW THEY ARE SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS, OR GOD DOESN'T LOVE THEM AS MUCH, OR THEY'RE NOT AS SPECIAL. AREN'T YOU GLAD GOD LOVES US ALL THE SAME? YOU KNOW, JESUS HAD A BLENDED FAMILY. YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU? OK. HIS--HE DID NOT SHARE THE SAME FATHER WITH HIS SIBLINGS. NOW, A LOT OF THEM DIDN'T KNOW THAT, AND IF HE TRIED TO PULL, YOU KNOW, GOD IS MY FATHER, THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED HIM. BUT, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF GREAT BLENDED FAMILIES IN THE BIBLE, AND THERE ARE A LOT OF WONDERFUL BLENDED FAMILIES THAT DO A LOT OF GREAT THINGS. SO I HOPE THAT YOU'LL JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU CAN HAVE AN INCREDIBLE BLESSED FAMILY IN A BLENDED FAMILY RELATIONSHIP. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT UNRESOLVED FEELINGS TOWARD AN EX-SPOUSE. THAT'S ONE OF THE DAY ONE DYNAMICS. BECAUSE WHEN THERE IS A BLENDED FAMILY, THERE HAD TO HAVE BEEN SOMEONE THAT CAUSED A PREGNANCY AND CAUSED A CHILD THAT WENT BEFORE. IT COULD'VE BEEN A SPOUSE. IT COULD'VE BEEN A BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, LIVE-IN LOVER, WHOEVER IT WAS. BUT HERE'S THE ISSUE. 50 PERCENT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE MARRIED, WHO ARE DIVORCED, 10 YEARS LATER STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEIR EX-SPOUSE. OK. 50%. AND THIS IS A TORMENTING THING. AND WHAT WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND IS IS THAT A LOT--OUR SOCIETY TRIVIALIZES SEX, BUT YOU REALIZE THE BIBLE SAYS WHEN WE HAVE SEX WITH A PERSON, WE BECOME ONE WITH THAT INDIVIDUAL. YOU KNOW, IN FIRST CORINTHIANS, THE APOSTLE PAUL SAYS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT EVERY OTHER THING THAT WE DO IS OUTSIDE OUR BODY? BUT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX, WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER PERSON, YOU BECOME ONE WITH THAT INDIVIDUAL. NOW, OUR SOCIETY TRIVIALIZES THAT, BUT WHAT IT MEANS IS WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON, YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH THEM ON SOME REGULAR BASIS, IT MEANS THERE'S A JOINING OF SOULS. AND, YOU KNOW, THERE'S THIS SONG THAT SAYS WHEN A HEART BREAKS, IT DOESN'T BREAK EVEN. WHEN YOU DIVIDE AWAY FROM THAT PERSON, A PART OF THAT PERSON COMES WITH YOU. AND THEN YOU HAVE AN EVIL DEVIL WHO IS ALWAYS INTERACTING IN THOSE SITUATIONS IN TWO WAYS. AND THE FIRST IS PERVERTING OUR MEMORIES. HE'LL COME--ONCE A RELATIONSHIP IS BROKEN--I HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL THAT SHE WAS OK, BUT WE KIND OF HAD A ROCKY RELATIONSHIP. AND EVERY TIME I BROKE UP WITH KAREN, I'D DATE HER, AND THEN I'D GET TIRED OF HER AND GO BACK TO KAREN. YOU KNOW, AND WE--IT WAS KIND OF THE WAY IT WAS. AND I DIDN'T LIKE HER. BUT WHEN KAREN AND I--WELL, I LIKED HER OK, BUT WE DIDN'T HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP. BUT EVERY TIME KAREN AND I HAD STARTED HAVING PROBLEMS IN OUR MARRIAGE, THE DEVIL WOULD BRING HER UP. AND HE WOULD SAY YOU SHOULD HAVE MARRIED HER. IN REALITY, IT WASN'T THAT GREAT OF A RELATIONSHIP. BUT IT WAS JUST--IT WAS THERE EVERY TIME THERE WAS PROBLEMS. THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL WERE-- LIVE IN EGYPT UNDER HORRIBLE, CRUEL BONDAGE FROM PHARAOH. IT WAS AWFUL. THEY WERE THERE FOR 400 YEARS. AND PHARAOH, ONCE JOSEPH DIED, AND A PHARAOH ROSE THAT DIDN'T KNOW JOSEPH, HE PUT THEM UNDER CRUEL BONDAGE. BUT MOSES CAME AND DELIVERED THEM LITERALLY FROM WHIPS AND FROM TORTURE. AND THEY WENT OUT INTO THE WILDERNESS, AND WHEN THEY GOT OUT IN THE WILDERNESS, THEY DIDN'T WANT TO GO ON TO THE PROMISED LAND BECAUSE OF THE GIANTS. AND AS SOON AS THEY SAW THE GIANTS, THEY BEGAN TO WEEP, AND THEY SAID WE WISH WE WERE BACK IN EGYPT. WE REMEMBER THE LEEKS AND THE MELONS AND ONIONS AND ALL THE THINGS. WELL, THEY FORGOT PHARAOH. LITTLE DETAIL YOU FORGET. THEY FORGOT PHARAOH. THEY FORGOT THE WHIPS. THEY FORGOT THE TORTURE. THEY FORGOT THAT THEY WERE SLAVES IN EGYPT. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE DEVIL DOES. YOU'RE IN A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP, AND MAYBE YOU MADE A MISTAKE. MAYBE YOU DIDN'T MAKE A MISTAKE. BUT I'M SAYING YOU'RE IN THIS PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP, BUT IT DIDN'T LAST FOR WHATEVER REASON. IT DIDN'T LAST. AND WHAT THE DEVIL DOES IS WE DO BRING A PART OF THAT PERSON WITH US INTO THE FUTURE. AND WHAT HE DOES IS AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP, AND THERE'S ANY DIFFICULTY WHATSOEVER, HE'LL TAKE YOU BACK AND IDEALIZE THAT RELATIONSHIP AND SAY DON'T YOU REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD THINGS? WELL, YEAH, I DO REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD THINGS. BUT HE DOESN'T WANT US TO REMEMBER THERE WAS A REASON IT ENDED. YOU KNOW, WHETHER IT WAS MY FAULT, OR BOTH OF OUR FAULT, OR THE OTHER PERSON'S FAULT. WHATEVER REASON, IT ENDED. AND I'VE GOT TO DEAL WITH THAT IN MY HEART AND SAY THIS. I THANK GOD FOR THE GOOD, BUT I'M GONNA LET THAT GO. THAT WAS MY PAST. I'M NOT GONNA LET THE DEVIL TORMENT ME BY CONSTANTLY BRINGING UP THE PAST BECAUSE HE'LL ALWAYS DO IT AT THE MOST INOPPORTUNE TIMES TO MAKE SOMETHING BAD WORSE IN MY LIFE. SO THERE CAME A POINT IN MY LIFE, IT WASN'T AN EX-WIFE OR ANYTHING, BUT IT WAS AN EX- GIRLFRIEND THAT HAD A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH. AND I SAID I'M NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE. I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT PLACE. SO THE DEVIL WANTS TO PERVERT OUR MEMORIES OR POISON OUR MEMORIES. AND POISON OUR MEMORIES JUST MEANS BITTERNESS. ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS JUST STEWING ON WHAT THAT PERSON DID TO US. BUT I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS. SEE, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME INTO REMARRIAGE MAD. THEY'RE MAD. WHEN--EVERY TIME YOU DIVORCE, YOUR CHANCE OF DIVORCE GOES UP 10%. AND AGAIN, IT'S NOT NECESSARY. YOU DON'T--THAT'S NOT A STATISTIC THAT YOU HAVE TO JOIN INTO. BUT IT'S BECAUSE OF THERE IS UNRESOLVED ISSUES THERE. AND YOU COME INTO THIS NEW RELATIONSHIP, AND YOU'RE ALREADY--YOU'RE NOT AS PATIENT AS YOU WERE BACK THEN. YOU'RE NOT AS FORGIVING AS YOU WERE BACK THEN BECAUSE YOUR HEART'S BEEN SCARRED. SO THE DEVIL WANTS TO POISON OUR MEMORIES, AND WE BECOME BITTER. BUT REGARDLESS OF WHO YOU'RE MAD AT FROM THE PAST, YOUR SPOUSE IS GONNA GET THE WORST OF IT. YOUR DISPOSITION CHANGES. ANY TIME THAT I'VE HAD PROBLEMS WITH UNFORGIVENESS IN THE PAST, KAREN WILL GET THE BRUNT OF IT. THE PERSON COULD BE DEAD. IT COULD HAVE BEEN 20 YEARS AGO. BUT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T RESOLVED AN ISSUE FROM THE PAST, YOU'RE GONNA SPEW IT OUT NUMBER ONE ON THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE NOW MARRIED TO. SO LET ME SAY THERE WAS A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR LIFE, OR YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A BLENDED FAMILY, OK? ONE OF YOU OR BOTH OF YOU HAD A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP SOMEWHERE IN YOUR PAST, AND IF THAT WAS A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, WHICH OBVIOUSLY IT WAS TO PRODUCE CHILDREN, THEN WHAT THAT MEANS IS YOU JOINED INTO A ONENESS WITH THAT PERSON. AND WHEN YOU SPLIT UP, A PART OF THAT PERSON COMES WITH YOU. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS. AND AGAIN, OUR SOCIETY TRIVIALIZES SEX AND JUST, OH, YOU CAN HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT TO, AND WHEN YOU BREAK UP, YOU JUST GO ON. OK, YOU CAN GO ON, AND GOD CAN HEAL EVERYTHING, BUT YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE REALITY THERE IS A PART OF THAT PERSON THAT YOU ATTACHED TO, YOU BECAME ONE WITH. SO WHAT AM I SAYING? I'M SAYING THANK GOD FOR THE GOOD. THANK GOD FOR THE GOOD. JUST THANK GOD FOR ANY GOOD THAT WAS IN THAT RELATIONSHIP, AND PUT IT IN THE PAST. AND WHEN THE DEVIL COMES TO YOU IN BAD TIMES, WHEN YOU'RE HAVING DIFFICULTY, AND HE BRINGS BACK MEMORIES FROM THE PAST TO INTRUDE IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, STOP IT. TAKE THAT THOUGHT CAPTIVE AND SAY UH-UH. UH-UH. IT DIDN'T WORK. IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ANY BETTER THAN WHAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW. I'M NOT GOING INTO THE PAST. I'M GONNA LIVE IN MY PRESENT. AND I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU COME IN AND TORMENT ME WITH THESE FEELINGS. HERE'S THE WAY THE DEVIL DOES IT. WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP, HE'S THE ACCUSER OF YOUR SPOUSE. AND HE SITS THERE CONSTANTLY ACCUSING YOUR SPOUSE TO YOU, TELLING YOU HOW BAD THEY ARE, YOU MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS. HE ALWAYS DOES THAT. AND AS SOON AS YOU BREAK UP, HE COMES AND SAYS THEY WEREN'T SO BAD. YOU KNOW, THEY WERE PRETTY GOOD. THEY'RE PRETTY--A LOT BETTER COOK THAN THE ONE YOU GOT NOW. YOU KNOW, AND HE'LL JUST SIT THERE AND JUST TORMENT YOU WITH MEMORIES FROM THE PAST. YOU JUST GOTTA--I'M NOT GOING BACK THERE. I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU COME AND TORMENT ME WITH THOSE THOUGHTS. I TAKE THAT CAPTIVE, AND I'M FOCUSED ON THE PERSON I'M MARRIED TO RIGHT NOW, AND I THANK GOD FOR THEM. AND I THANK GOD FOR THIS RIGHT NOW. THE SECOND THING IS I FORGIVE EVERYONE IN MY PAST. I FORGIVE--REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY DID OR DID NOT DO, I AM NOT--SEE, UNFORGIVENESS IS AN INVISIBLE UMBILICAL CORD THAT CONNECTS US WITH OUR PAST. IT FEEDS OUR SPIRIT FROM THE PAST. IT COULD BE SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE FIVE YEARS OLD AND YOU HAVEN'T FORGIVEN. IT'S STILL FEEDING YOUR SPIRIT. IT'S STILL FEEDING YOUR DISPOSITION. IT COULD'VE BEEN A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. IT COULD'VE BEEN A BUSINESS PARTNER THAT DID YOU IN. BUT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T FORGIVEN, THAT IS FEEDING--IT'S AN UMBILICAL CORD THAT'S FEEDING YOUR SPIRIT. FORGIVENESS REACHES DOWN AND CLIPS THE CORD AND SAYS THE DEVIL WILL NO LONGER FEED MY SPIRIT FROM MY PAST. I FORGIVE THAT PERSON, AND I BLESS THEM. I FORGIVE THAT PERSON. I WON'T TALK BAD ABOUT THEM. I'M NOT GONNA SIT AND REHEARSE THE HURT THAT THEY DID IN MY LIFE. AND I BLESS THEM. I BLESS THEM. AND WHEN--IT'S THE MOST SELF- LOVING--FORGIVENESS IS THE MOST SELF-LOVING ACT YOU WILL EVER DO IN YOUR LIFE. FORGIVENESS DOESN'T MAKE THEM RIGHT. IT JUST MAKES ME FREE. UNTIL YOU LET THE PAST GO, IT WON'T LET YOUR FUTURE LIVE. YOU CANNOT GO FORWARD CONSTANTLY LIVING IN THE PAST. AND THE DEVIL COMES, DAY ONE DYNAMIC OF BLENDED FAMILIES. IF YOU HAVEN'T RESOLVED THIS, THE DEVIL'S CONSTANTLY WORKING YOU TO DESTROY YOUR PRESENT RELATIONSHIPS. HE'S CONSTANTLY WORKING YOU, DRAGGING YOU BACK INTO EITHER THE BITTERNESS OF YOUR PAST, OR GLAMORIZED MEMORIES THAT ARE JUST NOT REAL. THIS IS WHAT HE ALWAYS DOES. SO YOU'VE GOTTA CLOSE THAT DOOR BY SAYING "A", I FORGIVE. AND IF I DON'T FORGIVE, IT'S GONNA AFFECT MY FAMILY RIGHT NOW THE MOST. I FORGIVE. AND I'LL TAKE THOSE THOUGHTS CAPTIVE WHEN WE'RE IN DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES AND HE COMES AND TRIES TO TORMENT ME WITH IDEALIZED MEMORIES LIKE HE DID WITH EGYPT WHEN THEY WERE ENTERING INTO THE PROMISED LAND. SO THAT'S THE NUMBER ONE DAY ONE DYNAMIC. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT TEACHING. YOU KNOW, I LOVE TEACHING TO BLENDED FAMILIES BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE SPECIAL ISSUES. AND YOU CAN HAVE A VERY SUCCESSFUL BLENDED FAMILY. HALF OF ALL FAMILIES TODAY ARE BLENDED FAMILIES, AND WE KNOW OF MANY SUCCESSFUL STEPFAMILIES. IN FACT, WE INTERVIEWED SUCCESSFUL STEPFAMILIES, AND OUT OF THAT WE CREATED A RESOURCE CALLED "BLENDING FAMILIES." IT'S A BOOK. IT'S ALSO A WORKBOOK. IT'S ALSO A SET OF DVDS. AND WE WANT TO PUT THESE INTO YOUR HANDS RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF $25 OR MORE TO "MARRIAGE TODAY." WE WANT TO SEND YOU THE BOOK "BLENDING FAMILIES." THIS IS SOME OF THE TEACHING YOU HEARD TODAY, PLUS IT'S THE INTERVIEWS, THE EXCERPTS OF INTERVIEWS FROM THESE STEPFAMILIES TELLING YOU HOW THEY OVERCAME THEIR PROBLEMS. WE TALKED TO THEM ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT BLENDED FAMILIES FACE. THE SPECIAL CHALLENGES THAT THEY FACE. AND THEY TOLD US IN THIS BOOK HOW THEY OVERCAME ALL THE PROBLEMS THAT YOU MIGHT FACE. AND SO YOU'RE GONNA GET A LOT OF THE BOOK. FOR $65 OR MORE, WE WANT TO SEND YOU THE "BLENDING FAMILIES" BOOK PLUS THE DVD SET. THIS IS THEM IN PERSON TELLING YOU IN THESE INTERVIEWS HOW THEY OVERCAME THEIR PROBLEMS. FOR $90 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE BOOK AND THE DVD SET ALONG WITH A WORKBOOK. THIS WORKBOOK NOW IS SOMETHING YOU CAN GO THROUGH AS A COUPLE. IT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN HAVE A BIBLE STUDY OR A SMALL GROUP WITH AND HELP OTHER COUPLES TO OVERCOME THE PROBLEMS OF--THAT BLENDED FAMILIES FACE. THE SPECIAL PROBLEMS THEY FACE. BUT LISTEN, HOW TO THRIVE IN A BLENDED FAMILY. HOW TO HAVE THE FAMILY AND MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. BUT TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH, TO BE EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THE SPECIAL PROBLEMS THAT YOU FACE. WHAT A GREAT SET OF RESOURCES WE HAVE, AND HERE'S HOW YOU CAN GET THEM. ANNOUNCER: IF YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF NAVIGATING THROUGH THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES OF A STEPFAMILY, THEN "BLENDING FAMILIES" WAS DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY WITH YOU IN MIND. JIMMY: YOU CANNOT JUST SUCCEED AT BEING A BLENDED FAMILY. YOU CAN THRIVE. ANNOUNCER: EIGHTEEN SUCCESSFUL STEPFAMILIES JOIN FORCES WITH JIMMY EVANS IN ORDER TO CREATE A PRACTICAL AND BIBLICAL SET OF RESOURCES. WOMAN: I REALLY HAD TO REALIZE THAT MY HUSBAND IS NOT MY EX-HUSBAND. MAN: WELL, THE NEW PARENT COMING IN CAN FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIDER. WOMEN: IT'S NOT THE SAME AS THEIR MOM. I MEAN, I'M JUST NOT THEIR MOM. ANNOUNCER: FOR YOUR GIFT OF $25 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE "BLENDING FAMILIES" BOOK. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $65 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE BOOK AND COMPANION VIDEOS. WOMAN: FOR US, HAVING A BLENDED FAMILY IS SOMETHING THAT WE TREASURE. ANNOUNCER: FOR YOUR GIFT OF $90 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE "BLENDING FAMILIES" BOOK, VIDEOS AND WORKBOOK DESIGNED FOR COUPLES, PRIVATE STUDY, OR GROUP STUDY. ORDER TODAY AND SET OUT ON THE EXCITING JOURNEY TOWARD THE HEALTHY BLENDED FAMILY YOU ALWAYS DREAMED YOU COULD HAVE. [MUSIC] JIMMY: YOU KNOW, BLENDED FAMILIES HAVE SOME SPECIAL ISSUES THAT THEY DEAL WITH. AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW RIGHT UP FRONT WE WANT YOU TO THRIVE IN YOUR BLENDED FAMILY. YOU MAY BE FACING SOME STRUGGLES AND SOME SPECIFIC STRUGGLES AS A BLENDED FAMILY. BUT THAT'S PURPOSE OF THIS STUDY NOW. AND THE BEST WAY TO LEARN ABOUT BEING A BLENDED FAMILY ARE FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE SUCCEEDED AT BEING A BLENDED FAMILY. AND SO BLENDED FAMILIES REALLY LEARN THE MOST FROM OTHER BLENDED FAMILIES. AND SO THE COUPLES RIGHT NOW THAT WE INTERVIEWED, THEY'RE GONNA TALK TO YOU IN THIS SESSION ABOUT HOW THEY HEALED FROM DAMAGED EMOTIONS AND HURTS FROM THEIR PAST. WOMAN: I THINK A LOT OF TIMES WHEN WE ALL ENTER RELATIONSHIPS, WE COME IN WITH SOME TYPE OF BAGGAGE. WHETHER IT'S FROM A BAD BREAKUP OR A NASTY DIVORCE OR A CHILDHOOD ISSUE, AND LEARNING EARLY ON IS LIKE I CAN KEEP GOING TO HIM AND TELLING HIM, HEY, YOU'RE DOING THIS, YOU'RE DOING THAT, YOU'RE COMPARING ME TO HER. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME DO WHAT SHE'S NOT DOING. OR I CAN RECOGNIZE IT AND JUST, YOU KNOW, PRAY ABOUT IT AND EXPECT GOD TO MOVE. BECAUSE WE CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON. YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT OUR JOB. THAT'S GOD'S JOB. OUR JOB IS TO BASICALLY TO JUST SOW THE SEED. GOD WOULD WATER IT WHEN HE'S READY FOR IT TO GROW. BUT IN THE PROCESS, YOU DO HAVE TO HAVE PATIENCE. WOMAN: ONE OF THE MAJOR WAYS I'VE BEEN ABLE TO HEAL FROM THE PAST IS I'VE REALLY HAD TO REALIZE THAT MY HUSBAND IS NOT MY EX-HUSBAND. AND BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU DEAL WITH SITUATIONS IN THE SAME MANNER BECAUSE OF THOSE PAST HURTS. AND WHEN IT'S BROUGHT TO YOUR ATTENTION, TO ACTUALLY TAKE A STEP BACK AND LOOK AT THE REALITY. SAY, OH, WOW, DID I REALLY DO THAT BECAUSE OF MY EX-SPOUSE? IT HAS REALLY HELPED OUR MARRIAGE A LOT TO REALIZE, OK, THIS IS A DIFFERENT PERSON. LET ME TRY TO DO THIS ANOTHER WAY THAN JUST LASHING OUT FROM AN OLD PAIN FROM AN EX-SPOUSE. MAN: I THINK AS THE NEW SPOUSE IN BLENDING THE FAMILY, I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR ROLE FROM DAY ONE. AND A PART OF YOUR ROLE WILL BE, NOT MAYBE BUT WILL BE, TO HELP THEM HEAL. TO ESTABLISH NEW TRUST, NEW BELIEF, NEW HOPE IN RELATIONSHIPS, AND HELP THEM TO REALLY PROCESS IN A VERY GRACIOUS AND UNDERSTANDING WAY THE PAIN. WOMAN: YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS TO DO FOR ME AS HAVING BEEN MARRIED TWICE BEFORE AND THEN I WAS SINGLE FOR SO MANY YEARS IS I HAD TO REALLY ACCEPT WHERE I HAD FAILED IN THE PAST IN MY MARRIAGES. AND, YOU KNOW, I COULD SIT HERE AND BE A VICTIM LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. MY FIRST HUSBAND DID THIS. MY SECOND HUSBAND WAS THAT. YOU KNOW, I CAN SAY ALL THOSE THINGS, BUT NONE OF THAT HELPS ME. NONE OF THAT CHANGES ANYTHING FOR ME OR FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP UNTIL I WAS ABLE TO GO, OK, THIS IS WHERE I WAS REALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FAILURE OF MY PREVIOUS MARRIAGES. THAT'S WHAT HELPS ME TO MAKE SURE I GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME IS REPENTING, ADMITTING WHERE I WAS WRONG, SEEKING THE TRUTH, AND SAYING, OK, THIS IS WHERE I MESSED UP. JIMMY: ANOTHER ISSUE THAT'S HUGE IN DEALING WITH THE PAIN OF OUR PAST IS DEALING WITH AN EX-SPOUSE. AND IT COULD BE THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU AND YOUR EX-SPOUSE WERE FRIENDLY AND YOU GET ALONG OK. IT COULD BE THAT IT'S A HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIP. BUT THE COUPLES NOW ARE GONNA TALK ABOUT MAKING AMENDS WITH YOUR EX-SPOUSE. WOMAN: MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR EX-SPOUSE IS REALLY--THAT NEEDS TO BE A PRIORITY. IT REALLY NEEDS TO BE A PRIORITY BECAUSE IF IT'S NOT A PRIORITY, IT'S DEFINITELY GOING TO CAUSE A WEDGE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, THE NEW RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU'RE BUILDING. I WOULD SAY YOU REALLY HAVE TO EXTEND FORGIVENESS TO THE SPOUSE, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY DID, REGARDLESS OF THE PAIN, I WOULD SAY YOU REALLY HAVE TO RELEASE IT. BECAUSE IF YOU'RE CARRYING IT, IT'S GONNA--IT'S LIKE CARRYING A WEDGE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARTNER. YOU CAN'T GET PAST IT. MAN: WHEN YOUR CHILD COMES OVER, AND YOU CAN TELL THAT YOUR EX-SPOUSE HAS BEEN TALKING TO THEM, AND THEY GOT AN ATTITUDE OR WHATEVER, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T--TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. BECAUSE SOONER OR LATER, THAT CHILD IS GONNA FIGURE IT OUT. YOU KNOW, THEY GO HOME TO MOM AND ALL THE HEAR IS NEGATIVE, AND THEY GO EVER TO DAD'S HOUSE AND HE HAS NOTHING BUT GOOD TO SAY, AND HE'S POSITIVE, AND HE TALKS ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES THAT THEY HAD AS A FAMILY, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE GONNA FIGURE THAT OUT. WOMAN: I ALSO THINK PRAYING FOR YOUR EX-SPOUSE IS IMPORTANT. I THINK THAT WE BOTH HAVE DONE THAT. IT'S IMPORTANT. WE DO IT FOR THE OTHER'S EX-SPOUSE. GOD CAN CHANGE A HEART, YOU KNOW, SO IF YOU REALLY HAVE A HEART TO HAVE A DECENT RELATIONSHIP WITH--YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOT EVEN TALKING GOOD. WE'RE TALKING AN AMICABLE RELATIONSHIP SO THAT YOU CAN COMMUNICATE ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU PRAY FOR THEM AND YOU ASK GOD TO CHANGE THEIR HEART. AND IF YOU NEED YOUR HEART CHANGED, THAT YOU ASK GOD TO CHANGE YOUR HEART IF THERE'S ANGER, HURT, OR PAST WOUNDS FROM THAT MARRIAGE. IT'S SOMETHING THAT I THINK IS IMPORTANT THAT WE REMEMBER THAT GOD'S HAND IS THERE ALL THE TIME AND THAT WE ASK HIM TO BRING THEM IN AND TO CHANGE THEIR HEART TO BE MORE OPEN TO YOUR COMMUNICATION. MAN: IN ADDITION TO THAT, THE MORE HEALED WE BECOME, YOU KNOW, OVER OUR WOUNDS AND EVERYTHING, THE MORE WE CAN UNDERSTAND AND SYMPATHIZE WITH OUR EX-SPOUSES. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THEIR CONTRIBUTION TO THE DEMISE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WAS BASED ON THEIR OWN BAGGAGE AND THEIR WOUNDS AND EVERYTHING. AND NOW THAT WE'RE MORE HEALED, WE HAVE A LOT MORE SYMPATHY TOWARDS AND UNDERSTANDING TOWARDS OUR EXES FOR THE THINGS THAT WE WERE OFFENDED ABOUT BACK THEN THAT NOW WE'RE JUST LIKE, HEY, THEY WERE WOUNDED AND HURT PEOPLE, TOO. JIMMY: YOU KNOW, AS I WAS SAYING IN THE TEACHING THERE, WE HAVE SUCH A CONFLICTED SET OF FEELINGS, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME OUT OF A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. AND YOU GAVE YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE, AND REGARDLESS OF HOW LONG THE MARRIAGE LASTED, OR EVEN THE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THE MARRIAGE, YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE WHEN THEY'RE INTERVIEWED, THEY SAY THAT THEY STILL THINK ABOUT THEIR EX. MANY PEOPLE SAY THAT THEY STILL HAVE FEELINGS OF LOVE FOR THEIR EX, YOU KNOW, YEARS LATER. BUT THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO ARE DIVORCED, THEY STILL THINK A LOT ABOUT THEIR EX-SPOUSE. SOMETIMES IT'S BAD. SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD. BUT HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND, AND THAT IS THAT YOU NEED TO GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE. THE DEVIL LOVES TO TRAP US IN THE PAST, EITHER IN BITTERNESS OR IN REGRET. AND MANY TIMES WITH A BLENDED FAMILY, YOU HAVE BOTH. YOU HAVE THE HURT OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU PLUS WHAT THEY'RE STILL DOING IN SOME CASES. MAYBE THEY'RE STILL DOING THINGS THROUGH THE CHILDREN OR SAYING THINGS THEY SHOULDN'T SAY. SO YOU HAVE THAT GOING ON, PLUS YOU HAVE THE REGRET OF MAYBE, YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD'VE DONE SOMETHING THAT YOU DIDN'T DO. MAYBE, YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD'VE WORKED HARDER AT THE RELATIONSHIP OR WHATEVER. ONE OF THE THINGS I'M SO THANKFUL IS IS THAT WE HAVE SUCH A GRACIOUS GOD. THE DEVIL IS SO EVIL. HE TEMPTS US TO SIN, AND THEN ONCE WE DO IT, HE CONDEMNS US FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE. THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. THE BIBLE SAYS THERE'S NO CONDEMNATION FOR US WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS. THE REASON THERE'S NO CONDEMNATION IS JESUS PAID FOR OUR SINS. IF YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND GOD HAS NO INTEREST IN PUNISHING YOU. LISTEN, IF GOD WANTED TO PUNISH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE FOR A MISTAKE THAT YOU MADE, WHY DID HE PUT JESUS ON THE CROSS? DID GOD SEND JESUS TO THE CROSS SO HE COULD BE HARD TO GET ALONG WITH? DID GOD SENT JESUS TO THE CROSS SO HE COULD PICK ON US FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES FOR THE MISTAKES THAT WE'VE MADE? NO, GOD SENT JESUS TO THE CROSS SO HE COULD PUNISH HIM SO HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO PUNISH US. YOU KNOW, IF YOU'VE GONE THROUGH SOMETHING BAD, AND WHAT HAPPENS SOMETIMES WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN A PRIOR, YOU KNOW, MARRIAGE AND IT ENDED IN DIVORCE OR WHATEVER, THEY INTERPRET EVERY BAD THING THAT HAPPENS TO THEM FROM THEM ON AS GOD PUNISHING THEM. I'M JUST TELLING YOU, GOD'S FOR YOU, HE'S NOT AGAINST YOU. YOU NEED TO FORGIVE YOURSELF, AND YOU NEED TO ACCEPT GOD'S FORGIVENESS. IF YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG, JUST ADMIT IT. IN SOME CASES, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. YOU FOUGHT FOR THE RELATIONSHIP, AND BECAUSE OF YOUR SPOUSE, THE MARRIAGE ENDED. BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM. AND FORGIVENESS MEANS THAT YOU LEAVE THE JUDGMENT TO GOD. THE BIBLE SAYS THAT VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY, SAYS THE LORD. IF THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG THAT WAS DONE, TRUST GOD. GOD KNOWS THE WHOLE CIRCUMSTANCE. BUT THE SECOND THING IS WE WEREN'T TO DESIGN BY GOD TO HARBOR BITTERNESS. LISTEN, IF YOU'RE BITTER AT YOUR EX-SPOUSE, YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR SPOUSE RIGHT NOW. WHOEVER WE'RE MAD AT, THE PEOPLE AROUND US GET THE WORST PART OF IT. THE MOST SELF-LOVING THING THAT YOU CAN DO IS TO FORGIVE YOUR EX. WELL, HOW DO YOU DO THAT? MAYBE THEIR NEW SPOUSE, AND MAYBE THERE ARE SOME OTHER PEOPLE INVOLVED THAT YOU NEED TO FORGIVE. THE FIRST THING IS IS THAT YOU RELEASE THE JUDGMENT TO GOD, AND YOU SAY GOD, I'M NOT GONNA TALK BAD ABOUT THEM. I'M NOT GONNA TRY TO GET BACK AT THEM. I MAY NOT TRUST THEM. I MAY NOT WANT TO BE IN A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. BUT I'M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING TO HURT THEM, EITHER DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY. I'M LEAVING THAT UP TO YOU TO JUDGE THEM. NUMBER TWO, I PRAY FOR THEM. SEE, JESUS SAID PRAY FOR THOSE WHO SPITEFULLY USE YOU. BLESS THOSE WHO CURSE YOU. WHY? BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE HEALING COMES. THAT'S WERE THE BITTERNESS LEAVES. YOU CAN'T HATE SOMEBODY THAT YOU'RE PRAYING FOR. AND SO YOU CAN ONLY DEFEAT A SPIRIT WITH THE OPPOSITE SPIRIT, AND THE OPPOSITE SPIRIT OF HATE IS LOVE, AND THE OPPOSITE SPIRIT OF BITTERNESS IS TO CARE FOR SOMEBODY. SO YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF, YOU RECEIVE GOD'S FORGIVENESS, AND YOU FORGIVE ANYBODY THAT'S DONE SOMETHING TO YOU. IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO FORWARD. IT'S TIME FOR--IS TIME FOR YOUR FUTURE, A BRIGHT FUTURE, TO COME. AND YOU CAN'T EXPERIENCE THE FUTURE UNTIL YOU'VE LET GO OF THE PAST. AND SO LET GO OF THE PAST. GOD'S FOR YOU. HE WANTS TO LEAD YOU INTO THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS, THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. THAT'S HIS WILL FOR YOU. AND I HOPE THAT THIS PROGRAM TODAY BLESSES YOU. WE LOVE TO HELP PEOPLE IN THE AREA OF MARRIAGE. YOU KNOW, GOD SAVED OUR MARRIAGE. WE WOULD BE DIVORCED EXCEPT FOR THE GRACE OF JESUS. SO WE HAVE TREMENDOUS COMPASSION FOR PEOPLE STRUGGLING IN THE AREA OF MARRIAGE. I WANT TO ASK YOU IF YOU WOULD, HELP US TO COME BACK TO YOU AND ALSO HELP US TO GO TO OTHER PEOPLE, TO HELP THEM. OUR NATION IS IN CRISIS RELATED TO MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. OUR WORLD IS IN CRISIS. KAREN AND I ARE ON THE FRONT LINES HELPING PEOPLE TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. BUT WE JUST CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT FINANCIAL HELP FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU. AND I'M ASKING YOU RIGHT NOW, THE INFORMATION'S ON YOUR SCREEN OF HOW YOU CAN CALL RIGHT NOW, HOW YOU CAN GO ON THOUGH WEBSITE RIGHT NOW, OR THE ADDRESS YOU CAN MAIL YOUR GIFT. BUT I'M ASKING YOU, WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT RIGHT NOW TO HELP US HERE AT "MARRIAGE TODAY"? LITERALLY TO PARTNER WITH KAREN AND ME TO TAKE THIS MESSAGE OF HOPE AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO BLENDED FAMILIES, TO MARRIAGES, TO HELP LITTLE CHILDREN STAY TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS. AND HELP THE NEXT GENERATION TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE AND IN FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. WE'RE ASKING YOU TO HELP US. GOD BLESS YOU. GOOD-BYE. JIMMY: RIGHT NOW LESS THAN HALF OF ADULT AMERICANS ARE MARRIED. LOVE IN OUR SOCIETY HAS BECOME A VERY FICKLE THING AND SOMETHING THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW, NOBODY KNOWS, YOU KNOW, ABOUT LOVE. AND ONCE YOU'VE FALLEN OUT OF LOVE, YOU CAN'T GET IT BACK. AS A COUPLE, BUT ALSO AS A CHURCH AND SOCIETY, WE NEED TO WORK ON MARRIAGE. WE NEED TO MAKE IT A PRIORITY IN OUR LIVES. THIS IS WHAT WE LOVE TO DO AT "MARRIAGE TODAY." WE LOVE TO TELL PEOPLE GOD'S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE. I JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU THE GOOD NEWS. WHEN GOD CREATES ANYTHING, HE CREATES IT FOR SUCCESS. WE BELIEVE THAT GOD RAISED US UP AS A MINISTRY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. AND AS WE GROW AS A MINISTRY, WE TOUCH MORE AND MORE LIVES. AS THOSE LIVES ARE TOUCHED, COMMUNITIES ARE CHANGED BY IT. IF YOU'RE OUT OF LOVE, YOU CAN FALL BACK IN LOVE. IF YOU'VE DONE EACH OTHER DAMAGE, YOU CAN REPAIR THAT DAMAGE. WE'RE RAISING A BIBLICAL STANDARD FOR MARRIAGE AND HELPING PEOPLE TO SUCCEED, AND WE NEED YOUR HELP. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN CALLED TO DO, BUT IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE. EVERYTHING THAT YOU GIVE EQUIPS US TO GO AND REACH MORE FAMILIES, MORE COUPLES, AND TO KEEP CHILDREN TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS. IF YOU BELIEVE IN WHAT WE'RE DOING, WOULD YOU STAND WITH US FINANCIALLY? YOUR GENEROUS FINANCIAL GIFT RIGHT NOW IS SUCH A BLESSING, AND REALLY, WE CAN ONLY DO WHAT WE DO BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL PARTNERS WHO STAND WITH US, PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU. Thank you for watching MarriageToday. Subscribe to MarriageToday's YouTube channel for more marriage-building videos and updates.
