Billy Connolly - Bagpiper at Party - Hand Picked by Billy 1982

it should be a party i like parties you don't get eyes like that reading the melody maker i can assure you i'll be and i've beaten you a few parties in my life let me tell you see being a showbiz personality you get invited to lots of things but i usually don't accept because i'm far too big to mix with the legs of them but occasionally i do and a couple of new years ago about eight years ago i was invited to a party in glasgow which i must tell you about and this is the truth right the guy invited was a place in glasgow called springbone which is a kind of working class area quite nice it used to be have a horrible bit and but they rolled that up and sold it to zambia the kids are still playing in the street in the well he's wondering when the rain is going to come back and it was huggman a in scotland you know new year everybody was something the same as your christmas but without god to the proceedings [Applause] [Music] right because everybody should have a good time times are bad enough but people at ian paisley wonder about the place right did you hear him last week ian paisley yeah that speaks to me do you know that way i couldn't believe it the line i loved in his speech was the hours of parliament are a hotbed of homosexuality [Applause] [Music] [Applause] where how won't you pass a motion can i watch [Applause] and will you stop referring to the honourable member for brixton as black rod we don't williams doing meanwhile so we're getting the party right and it's like wall-to-wall people and there's like gamora do you give us a large my journey but the scotsman have this great habit of singing about scotland when they're still there you know listen though i'm far across [Applause] [Music] you're in the living room shut up you it's the only song your father knows right through and there's other guys at the party i've got singing like 300 of them and they're all singing different songs at the same time and there's always the guy who doesn't know the words of eddie but joins in making funny noises always country and western [Applause] [Music] there's two guys in the corner no certain kind of don't be sick willie i'm already i'll be i'll be only in a minute i'm okay i'm no but well get me a drink that will sort me out now don't be sick remember i told you that okay i'm on a that's my auntie angle this is new carpet don't be sick so i'm talking to the guy who owns a house and it's just an ordinary way house you know with three geese get up the water switch the whole number of little cringling ladies from the seaside the other bits of marble pieces crowded with things quite a nice house though you know i mean it's not the kind of house we adverts on the ashtrays it's a bit up market you know quite pleasant but there's a picture in the wall of a guy in a highland regiment outfit the bagpipes to kill the hobo he looks as if he's posing for a shortbread tin you know and i said to the guy who owns a house is that you all right that's me john i was that soldier oh hey just don't play the pipes oh how many played them in a few years right mind you they're in the cupboard there get them out i just did jeffy and his wife went off for christmas oh no and your man's legs were just a blur into the lobby all the stuff's coming out the cupboard ladders prams cots things ah here we are and it comes as flea bitten set of bagpipes looks like an octopus with piraeus there's dust everywhere here we go [Music] you know like glenn campbell you know this guy manages to get his pipes and the drones all in tune and he wasn't a good paper and he comes marching into the room the barren rocks of eden hadley and all the loonies go bonkers easy [Music] [Applause] falling through coffee tables there's a sound of crunching glass poor guys wives in a chair going off for crazy total bedlam you know in this don't be sick [Music] so in the middle of the march past it it does it does like in a fancy tunnel in the back the bagpipes go woof and knock his wedding picture off the wall oh my god and the drunks come in and enjoying the procession he leans in the mantle piece slides right along and smashes all the stuff we are shooting like they're lean hold on don't be sick the sunday belts the budgies cage it's on one of those stands the door flies out and the budgie comes with a rocket [Music] [Applause] i know what you do you pour salt in its tail it's feathers drifting down this bag pipe going like a hillbilly dog the bungee in the middle of all this has a heart attack spitfire impersonation like [Music] but he's finished all the vomit and there's nothing left so he's been through that one now this sort of [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] he's farting as well kneeling in the floor with his head down the toilet so [Applause] he's panicking in case he shits himself [Applause] uh [Applause] meanwhile a guy arrives with faulty face suppers in a big castle and he's brought him all the way on the bus bumming his willy all the way but he's arrived anyway and the face suppers are getting cold so he puts them in the oven and there's a part of soup on the stove a big pot boiling away so he bungs the whole thing in and the parcel lights the gas and shuts the door meanwhile there's people walking a bit with blood running down the face because in the bathroom the bulb has gone and there's a bicycle on a pulley they do that in terms of buildings the bikes [Applause] i'm built so eventually the two drunks are sitting don't be sick but you said naughty do it in the carpet that's more hair you i warned you didn't i meanwhile there's a drunk in the bedroom naked lion and other coats naked as a day who is born there's a woman come storming there's a dark man in there naked lying on all the coats i told him he got up and he told me off i don't like that kind of talk sort him out george now's her husband you know he's built a jockey swift [Applause] it looks like a cancer case you know go on you saw him out put him in his place okay meanwhile he's in his way done saying there's something burning in here keep the women back i'll sort this out don't worry about that thing he shoots in the kitchen opens the door and the flames come belt and he pulls out this blazing parcel fish and places full of black smoke and it puts out the flames by throwing the whole thing into the soup and the kinds of cases are way down to the room bagpipes are still gone not affair figures in there don't talk to my wife like that again okay come on tell them out george that's not enough okay for christ's sake quick and the drunk wakes up and he looks like me you know and he comes out of the bed like a dervish and one mighty leap he lands in the floor [Music] and it does drunk did the funniest thing i have ever seen in my life completely casually he went over completely naked and put on one shoe and kicked him in the door [Applause] you

Channel: Billy Connolly

Views: 1,117,650

Keywords: billy connolly, billy, connolly, the big yin, comedian, stand-up, stand-up comedian, theater, scottish, funny, jokes, classic, british, humor, bagpiper at party, bagpipe, bagpiper, Hand Picked by Billy 1982, drunk, getting sick, throwing up

Id: P6wz6tb7mjM

Length: 12min 53sec (773 seconds)

Published: Fri May 06 2022