Billy Connolly - Dwarf on a bus - Live in London 2010

oh so anyway my sister told me this and she swears that it's true and i i hope it's true and if i tell it right you will hope it's true my sister is a retired school teacher and she she she supplies herself to people who don't have teachers she's a supply teacher when somebody is sick or dead she'll supply herself and a lot of her friends do this as well and her friend told her this story that and when she told me the story i thought i would pee myself i was in new york where i live and she phoned me and i fell on my beds next my phone's next to my bed i fell onto my bed you know that way you laugh your legs won't work right and i told my wife i said flo just told me the funniest story i'm going to tell my audiences it's about a dwarf and she said well you can't need billy you can't you can't do it i said why she says because you can't you can't you you can't say dwarf because i said why the no and we're talking about dwarf but surely you can say dwarf when it's a dwarf you're talking about she says the little people i said belittle people and dwarfs there's a difference between a little person and a dwarf one of them is a dwarf and they both know which one it is don't give me that so i decided to tell it her friend was going to supply herself to a school somewhere and she got on a glasgow bus oh please be true and uh she sat down and it just happened to be the last seat and the bus took off and trundled off into the day four or five stops later the bus stops and a wee dwarf woman comes on i've now compounded a felony but calling her a wee dwarf she wasn't a particularly small dwarf she was just a dwarf size 12. i'll probably get all sorts of complaints now dear mr connolly i saw your otherwise excellent show what a pity you descended to the dwarf story i personally am a member of the tall dwarf society i'm six foot four i'm proud to call myself a dwarf i also do impersonations of chocolate biscuits if you're ever stuck anyway do we women go on the bus to be dwarf woman and discovered was no seat and so hung on to whatever was nearest the seat to the pole or whatever and the bus took off there was a wee school girl in a school uniform sitting over here probably urged along by her mother give the woman your seat give that woman she went over to the wee dwarf woman and she said excuse me you would you like to have my seat where upon the wee dwarf woman flew into a rage i said oh because i'm a dwarf you're offering me a seat simply because i'm a dwarf well i have managed my whole life as a dwarf it's not a problem to me keep your seat the girl cringing with embarrassment went back to her seat and the bus trundled on in silent embarrassment for a stopper three then please be true a big glasgow woman was getting off the bus and before she went up to the door she went over to the wee dwarf woman she said i'm getting off the bus and i'm leaving my empty seat here because i might dwell if you said no not because you're a dwarf because you're another human being i happen to believe in the bus my seat is vacant i'm merely pointing it out to you that it exists as a matter of fact i thought you were extremely rude to that wee girl and you owe her an apology as a matter of fact i hope when you go home tonight snow white kicks your ass [Applause] you

Channel: Billy Connolly

Views: 911,397

Rating: 4.8699155 out of 5

Keywords: billy connolly, billy, connolly, the big yin, comedian, stand-up, stand-up comedian, theater, scottish, funny, jokes, classic, british, humor, live in london, dwarf, dwarf on a bus, fight on bus, snow white

Id: t7nsAMwl1T4

Length: 5min 46sec (346 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 10 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/filmbuffering]

Lots of anti PC posts today. But nothing is more “sad tone police” than the thought of OPs spending hours looking for clips like this to get offended about.