Billy Connolly - Don't drink tap water in Ibiza! - Live At Hammersmith 1991

i must tell you we used to go in these awful holidays you know and freeze the balls off each other fingers all chapped and freezing although in a way they were better than than the spanish cheapo you know they suited our skin better you see i'm a scottish person that is my color i'm a kinda pale blue it takes me a week of sunbathing to get white i'll go to the chemist i'll have a bottle of suntan lotion please factor 27 and they give me an asbestos suit and a welder's helmet see i'm from the north we're not supposed to be in hot places our skin falls off round our ankles like [ __ ] pajama trousers and you can see us sitting in a beach like baboons picking each other's skin off i was in ibiza once i will never forget it as tattooed on the inside of my head apart from the sun we checked in i had two children then i was married before and i was unpacking and i'm giving everybody a lecture don't drink the water right you know i've got a bottle your daddy's i've put the bottle over here now listen to your dad the bottle's there that one it says every yarn see it every that's the water to even brush your teeth with that don't drink okay that's good no behave now get about your business i'm unpacking here my son drank the water slacked his thirst as was his want and then filled the bottle from the tap unknown to me a good boy we all agreed he was a nice boy when he got out of the hospital a sound thrashing was delivered but i was half with a god i could die for a drink i said it's a good way to show the children what to do right you're watching kids this is me drinking the water from the bottle loads of glasses oh nice water continued with the unpacking farting about missing well literally farting about got the thing you wish god i'm going to fart we don't want to fart all over your family you know i'll go out in the veranda so i did the the man needing to fart getting out of the room walk [Applause] so the view is lovely out here when you're finished unpacking you must come out [Music] yeah fabulous out here [Music] today i'm off to sunday's [Music] [Applause] my heart stopped as i felt the fourth part run behind my knee oh my god and i ran from the knees down into the toilet and i locked the door behind me i've whipped the tweeds down and mid-run sat in a toilet not a second to soon [Music] [Music] that was like sulfuric acid [Music] i was screaming my ass was red raw hanging in tatters but jesus i need hoes down hmm oh kidding me i went to stand up away again [Music] it was worse [Music] the next thing i hear is my wife has just had a drink open the door [ __ ] off don't be the dangerous op the door i can't i'm [ __ ] my brains out will you open this [ __ ] door i can't go off the seat or break the [ __ ] thing down the washout business on your right as you come in throw the children in the bath it was a nightmare a nightmare when i came out it was dark everybody was asleep i didn't want to go to bed in case something awful happened you know a bloody bed i make you imagine i paced the room with very short steps all night oh don't go don't go to your bathroom stay here

Channel: Billy Connolly

Views: 936,358

Keywords: billy connolly, billy, connolly, the big yin, comedian, stand-up, stand-up comedian, theater, scottish, funny, jokes, classic, british, humor, tap water, ibiza, island, holiday, sick, diarrhoea, diarrhea, toilet, water

Id: LSao_EBAR6Y

Length: 7min 41sec (461 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 07 2021