Bill Hicks - Good Drugs, Coincidentally Taxed Drugs

I used to take drugs and I quit but I'll tell you something I have nothing against drugs whatsoever that's kind of weird huh I've never heard that when used to take drugs quit and have nothing against him Wow never heard that let's hear more okay I'll tell you something else I know this is not a very popular idea you don't hear it very often anymore but it's the truth I have taken drugs before and I had a real good time sorry didn't murder anybody didn't robbed anybody didn't rape anybody didn't beat anybody didn't lose hmm one [ __ ] job laughed my ass off and went about my day sorry now where's my commercial [ __ ] I'll be the guy holding that skillet in that commercial man that ain't her brain that's breakfast let's eat what do we been out five days now [ __ ] stop I find that commercial a tad insulting to my intelligence you know the one here's your brain I've seen a lot of things on drugs but I have never ever ever looked at an egg and thought it was a [ __ ] brain not once I have seen UFOs split the sky like a sheet but I have never looked at an egg I thought it was a [ __ ] brain not once I have had seven balls of light come off of a UFO lead me on to their ship explain to me telepathically that we are all one and there's no such thing as death but I've never looked at an egg and thought it was a [ __ ] brain now maybe I wasn't getting good [ __ ] but that's what I hate about the war on drugs I'll be honest with what I can't stand is all day long we see those commercials here's your brain here's your brain on drugs just say no why do you think they call it dope and then the next commercial is this Bud's for you come on everybody let's be hypocritical bastards it's okay to drink your drug we meant those other drugs those untaxed drugs those are the ones that are bad for you nicotine alcohol good drugs coincidentally tax drugs ooh how does this [ __ ] work thank god they're taxing alcohol man it means we got those good roads we can get [ __ ] up and drive thank God they're taxing that [ __ ] man we'd be doing donuts in a wheat field right now thank God we're on a highway this is a good drug because I'll tell you something I'll be honest man if I were going to legalize a drug it sure wouldn't have been alcohol sorry there's better drugs and better drugs for you that's a fact you may stop your internal dialogue but bill with alcohol is inacceptable shut the [ __ ] up you're wrong hey [ __ ] man not only do I think marijuana should be legalized I think it should be mandatory [Music] I'm a hardliner think about man you get in traffic behind somebody shut up and smoke that it's the law oh sorry I was taking life seriously oh man who's hungry that'd be a nice world wouldn't it quiet mellow hungry hi people everywhere just Domino's pizza trucks passing each other every single highway parades of Domino's let them get stuck in traffic all our pizzas will be free [ __ ] dreamer man but I'm not the only one dreamers pot is a better drug than alcohol fact fat stop your internal dialogue baby little shut up you're wrong get over it okay okay I'll prove it to you man you're at a ball game or a concert and someone's really violent and aggressive and obnoxious are they drunk or are they smoking pot which is it drunk I have never seen people on pot get in a fight because it is [ __ ] impossible hey buddy hey hey hey end of argument say you get in a car accident you've been smoking pot you're only going for [ __ ] miles an hour [ __ ] we hit something uh-uh-uh-uh-uh we got rear-ended by a Domino's truck man just a better world I'm not proud of this moment all right it happened I moved on you know what I mean though we need a new enemy cuz we're so miserable in our own lives we got to keep pointing fingers and blaming drugs ya drugs are the enemy this is what were we thinking people forget about drugs man and people forget people think drugs don't do anything good for us how many people here believe drugs don't do anything good for us someone must chicken [ __ ] yeah I know cuz now they got a beer I don't if you believe jobs don't do anything good for us do me this favor will you go home tonight take all your albums and tapes okay and burn them did you know what the musicians who made all that great music [ __ ] the Beatles were so high then let Ringo sing a couple of tunes tell me they weren't partying we all live in a yellow submarine yeah we all live you know how [ __ ] high they were when they wrote that song they had to pry Ringo off the ceiling with a rake to record that man get Ringo John he's got a great tune put him down to the mind John get Ringo he's got a great song about we all live in a yellow tambourine or something I don't know John get off the seat up [ __ ] just bring the mics up here we'll sing from up in the clouds they were real high great music they were high drugs had positive effects shall I walk you through it again gotta have an enemy though cuz we're so miserable we got to keep blaming something right let's blame some more stuff drugs good rock and roll every few years rock and roll it becomes the big enemy then like this Judas Priest trial did you follow this you know the story to kids big fans of Judas Priest listen to this album and then went out and killed themselves and the parents sued the band Judas Priest okay first of all two kids big fans of Judas Priest commit suicide Wow to who last gas station attendants in the world I don't want to sound cold or anything but we didn't lose a cancer cure here and hey most stations are self-service now anyway so we saved them a long troublesome job search but they tried to prove there were subliminal messages on this album telling you to kill yourself now I may be naive but uh what performer wants his audience dead I'm having trouble with the whole [ __ ] theory what are these guys in the band doing I'm [ __ ] sick of it I'm [ __ ] sick of it I'm sick of the touring I'm sick of making $400,000 I [ __ ] not I'm sick of the free drugs the free booze and the group he's blowing me dawn to fund us I'm in a rut and I want out we all those concerts coming up I know it sucks unless Ian Nigel come in I just had a [ __ ] idea man what if Ian what if let's just say what if open your mind real wide now what if we kill the [ __ ] audience could I go back to my day job I can sell shoes again just doesn't make a lot of sense when you talk it through but every few years these little they try and nail rock and roll remember this [ __ ] you play certain rock albums backwards there's satanic messages let me tell you something if you're sitting around your house playing your albums backwards you are Satan you needn't look any further and don't go ruining my stereo to prove a [ __ ] point either come here come here living brand new man what the [ __ ] are you doing No shut up listen real close it's crystal clear Satan is Lord Satan is Lord it's like he's in the room oh my god you're saying [Applause] ruler of stereos destroyer of needles because listen I got an idea it's time to make a bold admission all right because for the last 10 years we've seen the rise of conservatives and fundamentalists and other forms of fascist okay good try and tell us what to believe and what to think I got a bold admission if you're one of those people you're ready for it they say rock and roll is the devil's music well let's say that we know for a fact rock and roll is the devil's music and we know that it is for sure okay at least he [ __ ] jams if it's a choice between eternal hell and good tunes or eternal heaven and New Kids on the [ __ ] block I'm gonna be surfing on the lake of fire rockin out Chino if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards they sound better gives them that edge they're missing you know put some hair on their balls but we gotta have an enemy raw drugs we're so miserable what's the enemy got it pornography that's it yeah trimmer through the room huh problem with pornography basically is this no one knows what it is other than that we got a real good grasp on the situation we know it's bad we just can't figure out what the [ __ ] it is Supreme Court says pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts that's their definition no artistic merit causes sexual thoughts hmm sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me you know when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial I'm almost embarrassed to tell you this I ain't thinking about gum double your pleasure double that fun yeah honey where's the rig leash I feel like chewing on something every commercial here's the commercial they'd like to do if they could they'd do it here is the ultimate television commercial we might see it one day yet here's the woman's face beautiful camera pulls back naked breasts camera pulls back she's totally naked legs apart two fingers right here and it just says drink coke now I don't know the connection but I'm drinking lots of [ __ ] car knickers dr. pepper [Music] no I don't know the connection yes I'm buying these [ __ ] products but you know what does that say about us man causes sexual thoughts as a subject of fear cause of sexual thoughts yeah so and what when did sex become a bad thing did I miss a meeting playboy pornography cause uh sex with the penthouse pornography cause it's next to attend you know what causes sexual thoughts when it's all said and done let's cut to the chase I'm tired of the debate okay I'll clear it up for you right [ __ ] now here's what causes sexual thoughts having a dick end of story I can speak for every guy here tonight and okay I will in the course of our day anything can cause a sexual [ __ ] thought you can be on a train and it's rocking kind of nice pants are a little tight oh my god I got a woody I got a woody on the El train what are we gonna do ban public transportation I find it ironic that people who are against sexual thoughts are generally these fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply seems like they would support sexual thoughts you know perhaps even as centerfold in the Bible miss Deuteronomy turn offs floods locusts smokers I actually did that joke in Alabama right these three rednecks met me after the show man hey buddy come here hey mr. comedian come here hey buddy we're Christians we don't like what you say it I said then forgive me [Applause]

Channel: Infinite Flow

Views: 1,241,122

Rating: 4.91676 out of 5

Keywords: Bill Hicks, Good Drugs, Coincidentally Taxed, one night stand, 1989, bad drugs, marijuana, Alcohol

Id: Emlq_4imaik

Length: 17min 7sec (1027 seconds)

Published: Fri May 17 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

That man was more than a comic. A philosopher, an anarchist, a satirist, a writer...I wish he and Patrice O'Neal were still around.

[u/dirty_w_boy]

The G.O.A.T.

[u/ujaku]

What a legend

[u/SpaceRocker1994]

If there’s a Mount Rushmore of American comedians Bill Hicks would definitely be up there

[u/plainframe]

i love him for just getting me to question things. i found him when i was very young, and i got in to Tool and R.E.M. in no small part because of him. my parents were very religious, i was so happy to find a coherent anger in all my chaos. this man is a god.