Best of the Worst: The Vindicator, Cyber Tracker, Robot Jox, and R.O.T.O.R.

but hey what let's watch some movies oh okay do you want to watch russian terminator no there's robot jacks hugh jackman's in this right yeah this is the guillermo del toro movie right right we've got a screener of del toro's new movie it's called elysium star it's called elysium starring will smith and his son jada pinkett two men two machines two wild robot jocks the massive killing machines of the future driven from the inside by the world's greatest warriors these incredible robot gladiators use their awesome size and computer weapons to fight each other to the death climb in the cockpit of a giant killer robot and take on the enemy in the war of the future no that's not where they are just magically appears from the middle of the uh the hovercraft yeah it's good that's good it looks fine we can't afford to redo it for a rematch yeah one week you're mine i kill you dead you got a problem you got the problem and all the peoples of the worlds gather together because like hey we shouldn't fight for territory we should just fight because it's awesome oh after this they're gonna like [ __ ] this we're going back to wars i would think wars would be much less expensive than constantly having to build new giant robots 50 classic features sci-fi invasion 50 movies in one box that you know they're all quality every last one of them we're going to watch one of them today it's name is rotor it doesn't come with a thing on the back it's a jay princess there's a list of 50 movies that's what it comes with i'm going to pretend i'm reading it from the background robotic officer tactical operation research rotor protocol a prototype robot intended for crime combat escapes from the development lab and goes on a killing rampage all right that's it what's that what the hell it was just daylight out right yes the research team from our sister facility in l.a he's got a little police car that's robert cobb this is gonna get hot oh yeah now it's gonna get hot just let's shoot this entire scene from really far away in one angle oh really really that's your exciting action scene [ __ ] you movie so what started out as an innocent attempt to watch some bad movies with robots in them has turned out to be the most miserable experience in any of our lives yes is that accurate well yes yeah pretty much um we should explain what happened is we wanted to watch some bad movies with robots in them uh perfectly logical yeah because why not cause robots are fun yeah and there's fun b movies with robots but uh we found two one that was one of the worst things ever made which is noteworthy and interesting one which was in my opinion a genuinely enjoyable b movie our attempt to find a third movie uh ended in disaster three times in a row yes we we started with the vindicator we started with the vindicator who are you i'm you from outer space um yes the vindicator kind of builds itself as a modern-day frankenstein with robots but it's more like a revenge movie with robots where this guy gets stuck in a robot suit after a scientist put his brain in the robot body he wants his wife back kills the guys who put him in a robot suit movie ends it's it's enjoyable enough but it's there's not much to talk about the noteworthy thing about the vindicator is that the suit was made by stan winston and it looks like something he slapped together in a weekend and ham group pam greer is in it it is a saturday afternoon special at best yeah it is something incredibly predictable bland there's nothing more we can say to criticize or praise it no that's fine that's not to say it's even horrible though no it's not horrible that's the problem it's out there i have no control they've made me kill now listen carefully you've got to get to bert tell him to meet me tonight at the old art warehouse just do it lauren and then leave this city immediately i want you to get as far away as you can you're behind me aren't you it may okay we can call this movie a c plus okay i'd go i'd go c minus well c minuses that's more straight minus straight c c there's nothing worse than middle of the road so we watched the vindicator we were horribly [ __ ] bored and thankfully well i guess i don't know if thankfully the right word but we had a second goal we had a technical issue where uh we shot the episode with the vindicator and two other movies and there was an audio issue so now we have to reshoot the episode and we say okay well let's try and replace the vindicator with a more interesting movie so you took suggestions from the red lighter media facebook we looked through what we had as the archive and you went shopping right the important thing to say to mention is that i did not pay any attention to any of the suggestions that were given i just found things so the next movie that i found on vhs was class of 1999 2. in the future all teachers are cyborgs that sounds fun to me the problem being that we tried to put the tape in the vcr in it it just fell off the the thing fell off it wouldn't rewind and it wouldn't play so class of 1999.2 was out uh and then we tried a third movie i i stopped paying any kind of attention a long time ago i don't know what's going on you knew what i did when you married me no you were an investigator when i married you not not a bodybuilder she is acting jay this is how normal people speak and move i don't want to hear it you got bored with cyber tracker while jack was reading the box couldn't even pay attention to jack reading the back of the box yeah in the future unstoppable androids called cyber trackers hunt down vicious criminals and execute them on the spot when secret service agent eric phillips wilson crosses the wrong people he's framed for a murder and marked for death you know the good thing about this movie it sounds like the most original movie ever this movie is full of original and unique ideas just what hollywood needs maybe we should have stopped there no we probably should this had promise and much like vindicator this had promised because you know the box art is crazy cheesy they're clearly ripping off major hollywood blockbusters with not as much budget and so this is prime this is prime fodder for a terrible movie and as it turns out it's a terribly boring movie yeah this movie was so boring we were talking about completely random things to keep ourselves interested like do you ever do you play emulators do you play like you know do you have a nes emulator yeah it's not the same like the game moves differently i don't have that problem with emulators i'm fine with them does anyone remember a show i think it was on hbo maybe showtime it didn't last very long maybe one season called uh perversions of science we we started talking about the terminator franchise and superman well by that time we were talking about superman three and and how interesting the robots were in superman 3. are there robots in superman 3 yeah the black blue robots cyborgs it's pretty awesome we should watch superman electronics like fly out of the computer and they attach themselves they do this whole like backwards electronics and she's like a rogue on to people oh wow well maybe we should at some point in the future do superman three and definitely superman four but cyber tracker's so bad we're now talking about during superman iii of cybertron [ __ ] cyber tracker uh so we're really only left with two movies and and thank god i never thought i would say this in my life but thank god for a little movie called rotor but we'll get to rotor we'll talk about robot jocks first this is a movie that uh a surprising number of people have recommended to us since we started doing best of the worst which now we had seen or no i had never seen i have seen robot jocks i've never seen it i've never seen it and it's surprising because i really like the director stewart gordon i don't know why people recommended this this is not a bad movie no well that's a b movie yeah but it's not bad oh no it's a stuart gourd movie well before we get into robot jocks so rich why don't you explain the story of robot jokes robot jocks takes place in a futuristic post-world war iii world where people are just sick of war and instead of having wars they've said you know we'll just pick one guy from each country and they'll get into a fight with giant robots and and that will settle our disputes yeah well war has been outlawed has been outlawed so if you you try to start a war you're going to jail because you know what war is illegal and you have to respect that so if you show up on somebody's doorstep with an army yeah you know what you you are going to you guys are all in trouble the couple's up on the motorcycle yeah all right with me i only have two pairs of handcuffs so some of you guys are gonna have to share that that's when he gets on the power trip i'd like to see your id uh you're uh russia oh well so specifically in as far as the movie is concerned they're fighting over alaska yes alaska is the disputed territory and so they have the first big robot battle which as far as i'm concerned is boring as [ __ ] but we'll get into them alexander fires his fist missile so achilles tries to stop the fist missile from killing a couple people and ends up killing hundreds of people he literally kills 300 people jay his heart was in the right place and and sure sure and as a result uh everybody starts calling achilles a coward because he says i'm not gonna robot fight anymore after this horrible disaster that makes him a coward and even though he's killed 300 people everyone's like that guy's a [ __ ] [ __ ] coward meanwhile uh he achilles and his trainer are introduced to the new group of fighters who are grown in tubes tubers two beasts there are tubers and he immediately has conflict with them because they are robot-like mechanistic soulless it's a thing one of them is a lady and she is very ambitious so she's kind of she's obviously the top of the class like she's the one that's not a [ __ ] idiot that doesn't fall off the vibrating strobing jungle gym the children's jungle gym of death that's what it is and then even if you get to the top the bar you're standing on will just give you just go away and you'll fall through these test tube babies are probably expensive to create rather than have a strong person win we'd rather uh kill you that shows you how much they care about their tubers well the the lack of concern for humanity is is one of the interesting things in this movie it is this there's a solid theme of that yeah yeah as we said while watching it it's sort of like a uh uh paul verhoeven movie without the satire without the paw patrol that's i think that's the only thing that that keeps this movie from being great i think if he directed this movie it would have been if they're as memorable as robocop if there was like sarcastic humor uh satirical humor like the opening scene where the the robot falls on the crowd and then they call him a coward like if you showed a noose thing where they were like achilles as a coward for not wanting to fight again over shots of people with like missing limbs and dead bodies like that would have been amazing yeah so it's it's a little more bland than that and you start you start to wonder because stuart gordon is not a filmmaker that lacks edge no generally definitely not and this movie is pretty much lacks the edge that it needs whether it would be more satirical or more more over the top yeah which is amazing that i'm saying that a movie about [ __ ] giant fighting robots isn't over the top they tried really hard to make a real science fiction movie yeah and as a science fiction fan i i need to point out these details okay uh in the section after achilles quits and she's kind of going back home okay you see these uh posters on the wall and they're like posters of women with babies or pregnant women at first i was horribly confused of what this was but later i figured it makes sense because after after the apocalypse they're trying to shore up the population it's it's propaganda posters to get women to have children it's pregnancy propaganda which is great look at you we're just doing our part and then and then she says you know they're celebrating achilles coming home from the robot feist like you know special dinner tonight we're gonna have meat we're having real meat tonight celebrate okay one sausage i agree that those are all really nice touches they just weren't they weren't enough of them and they weren't as big of a deal as they could have been like if like you said if they would have been highlighted in a satirical way but it's it's world building it makes everything a little bit different those particular things i like that they're in the background the the problem with the movie is that it's called robot jocks it's a movie about giant robots fighting each other for their countries and yet there's a robot fight at the beginning of the movie and then there isn't another robot fight until the goddamn end of the movie oh in fact it's two men two machines two fights which is the same problem we had with new gladiators which there should have been and we were kind of pulling it apart as we were watching it's just like okay this clearly should have been there's the first fight where achilles loses athena gets the second fight she loses and then achilles has to come back and avenge her and america and get alaska back yeah and they just kind of took those last two and sort of just yeah they pad out the middle the the middle of the movie drags a bit and then the middle of the movie drags a bit well the problem is the whole last third act of the movie is that fight the fight goes on for a long time it goes on for a while but it's not terribly exciting it's not as exciting as a giant robot fight should be i i have a big problem with stop motion animation i never stop motion animation looks so jerky and awful that it takes me out of any movie that i'm watching it's it's better than a guy in a clunky robot i would rather have a power rangers cardboard box robot you are so wrong see that's that's one way you could take this movie though you could do it in the power rangers uh old school godzilla style of guys in big costumes or you could do it what this movie was trying to do and to a certain extent i think accomplished which is trying to make the best movie they could with the limited budget they had where they're stretching it as much as they can and the opening shots of this movie like the the over the opening credits there's like scrolling across the landscape and then the robot foot comes down and i do i will say i do like that they tried to make this a legitimate movie they did the best they could yeah to make this a a a high budget high concept sci-fi movie i mean they did the best they could yeah and it's it's sort of like charming like i it makes me like the movie more even though i didn't think it was that great of a movie where i'm just like they really tried it still does feel like it has a little more money behind it than the usual empire pictures movie yeah like they gave it a little more like this was this is higher budget than ghoulies i'll see you in hell so this attempt to find uh fun robot bad movies has been a rough journey it's been a rough adventure but i think that all of it has been worth it for making us discover a little movie called rotor speak speak for yourself you know you say speak for yourself but i think i can speak for everybody when i say that rotor is the best movie that's ever been made by anyone it's the defining you fire me and i'll make more noise than two skeletons making love in a tin coffin brother i i had to call the suicide prevention hotline last night because of road tour road tour is they told me to do it you call the senator and you tell him roderick walked through a busload of nuns to get to a jaywalker well the interesting thing is that rotor is on the uh mill creek 50 movie classic features sci-fi invasion collection which is not and i wouldn't use any of those words to describe rotor yeah it's a movie kind of but i just picked it on a whim and it turned out to be one of the most fascinating bad movies i've ever seen um uh rich i know it's your favorite so why don't you explain rotor uh rotor is about a police program to create a robot policeman who will execute people for minor traffic violations why is that text a different color because it's important and it's about the the angry mouth scientist who is always agitated then build the robot that's all sir sorry sir thanks sorry well the thing is the movie calm down everybody we'll get to this movie starts with squirrel very slowly scrolling text of exposition oh god that's right it goes very very slowly and it tells you about how they're starting this program to make these robots and then it cuts to uh lingering establishing shots of the city and then we have more exposition delivered in voice over my name is cold iron barrett gold iron i'm a captain with the dallas police department in charge of their tactical operations lab because the text was not enough the text was not enough so we do that and we established the same thing we've already learned pretty much the day started just like any other day the fresh october morning breeze blew across the ranch and then we cut to establishing shots of a farmhouse this is riveting oh you gotta get that whole pan in establishing shot the movie cut to establishing shock to establish god they had to establish the prairie so they could establish the farm so they could establish the farmhouse so they could establish the kitchen counter it's morning each one of those shops goes on for 15 minutes yes you know what it's just like what ridley scott was trying to do with the beginning of alien this movie felt to me like those papers that you wrote in high school and those papers had to be two pages long and so you made your font a little bit bigger and you put a two-point spacing in between all of you 2.5 that tricks them every time because it's just a little bit wider just make everything a little bit bigger so then finally once it's established that he's a guy who lives in a farmhouse and has a coffee cup and pulling some carrots out of the fridge and then he goes to hang out with his friend the horse and his horse is way the [ __ ] over there oh yeah and he's got to take his time just ambling on over there and we need to see every goddamn step he takes to get up to the horse what you do to me who he ends up giving his coffee to and he eats the carrots this all should have happened in 30 seconds so now all this important information is out of the way i am so invested in this guy yeah and then we discover that he is a guy that is uh in the process of creating a robotic police officer um this robotic police officer is not meant to be ready and active for another 25 years to 50 years 25 to 50 years it's a long-term project he's working on him now um and apparently everyone in this world is convinced that in 25 years the future will just be like a cesspool everybody in this world is just completely nihilistic and pessimistic and thinks that the world in 25 years is going to be the type of environment where a robotic police officer should just murder everybody for every minor violation remember mankind is banned on genocide self-extermination i'll show you the only remedy and the best way to uh uh sort of let the investors in this project know that this is a good thing is to show them a shitty eight-millimeter film of a stop-motion robot break dancing uh and doing some sweet taekwondo moves wait i remember that that was uh i love the video sledgehammer this movie just became worth it we should say that we very early on we dubbed our protagonist's uh back problems we decided we would call him that because he looks like he is in pain in every scene of this movie he looks like he pulled his back out the night before and he had to act and every line is delivered through his teeth i gotta get out of here bugler just jumped down my throat he is exactly who i would cast as a brilliant police scientist exactly so he gets done with this meeting where he's like hey it's going to take 25 to 50 years meet me in a year and i'll show you what i'm doing so far and we'll see where we're at and everyone in the meeting is totally cool with that like yes yeah cool taekwondo robot i'm so invested in this is so cool dude show me some more animation next year i'm going to be into it he goes back to his office he gets a call from some sort of politician do you know who called me at 5 00 a.m this morning well i'll tell you who doctor our benefactor your meal ticket mr free ride as you must think of him or grim reaper as i think of him unfortunately everything he's talking about could have been wrapped up in two maybe three lines yeah instead it goes on for 25 minutes guess what you're gonna have this [ __ ] done tomorrow there's a lot of convention there you know 25 to 50 years you got to get that done in one day now now why would he do that for the same reason dog licked itself boy because it can back problems has the surprisingly correct idea which is to just quit be like [ __ ] this i'm out yeah walks on his way out he's talking to the head scientist guys just like guess what uh you get the robot it's got to be ready tomorrow bye and he's like oh man i got to finish this robot tomorrow come help me out robot cop that's right we get to meet the most important character in this movie which is sas talking robot.com oh boy and he acts like he's so overworked cop is just constantly sighing i'm punching all the impulse codes that'll activate the chain we can go down to the tank and trace the circuits by hand what do you say yeah yeah cool never mind that that's negative thinking think positive well i think we're positively crazy for even trying this but but as i said early on in the scene where we see the robotic understructure of what would become rotor i said we're not going to see that for the rest of the movie it turned out to be accurate with that but yeah if you had robot cop with his little dumb police cap and rotor in robot form fighting that is a movie that's about that's that's your that's your climax yeah it's just like it's just shot against like a back like a black background you could have just matted it into anything yeah and just like put him in there i don't care why why don't we do it right now oh look he's dancing meanwhile after we've introduced a scientist in charge and robot cop we cut down to the lab where a sassy indian black fellow is hitting on lady scientists i don't even know who should be offended by this character everyone another pale face grinding his heel and the poor indians face i thank god my sainted ancestors gone off to the happy hunting grounds ain't around to see this he he's got to take his headphones off so he can more accurately hit on this lady right and then there's a spark and then apparently that somehow uh brings rotor to life prematurely rotor is not supposed to be developed for another 25 to 50 years but he has his own locker in addition to having his own locker rotor has his own motorcycle even though he's not supposed to be ready for another 25 years rotor they've already got a motorcycle designated to him even though and it's very long it's all set aside with velvet ropes they have velvet ropes around it even though when rotor is ready this motorcycle will be a junker and the motorcycle has printed on it to judge and execute rotor all of a sudden there's a couple in a car oh yes and they're having an argument about marriage yeah you know something josh guys don't want to get married but ladies ladies want to get married all ladies want to get married all guys do not want to get married she wants to get married he wants to go to ihop right and that's the that's the importance of the scene he's hungry we get that in the first 10 seconds of the scene but then the scene goes on for another 12 hours for another 15 minutes so we're watching the scene and we're thinking like oh are these important characters where did they come from and why do we care about them now legal you guys are tough in fact uh i'm willing to bet you uh 20 bucks but you're gonna give me a ticket hey hey what are you doing hey hey rotor murdering traffic policeman but lady who's still in the car wasn't driving didn't do anything all of a sudden he's like oh i gotta kill you two oh oh no horns are rotors okay so this is this this robot was designed as a motorcycle cop some kind of traffic cop can't handle what this seems like a catastrophic design flaw ow horns well we also learn right after that that not only can he not handle horns but he can't reach into cars very well that's he can do this but he can't like like lean in which is strange because in that that early video of the skeleton he's bending all over the place he's very like crazy but you establish like okay rotor he's he's a robotic police officer from the future that wants to you know very violently clean up the streets clean up the streets uh he's gonna murder a ton of people throughout this movie he's just gonna go after everybody he doesn't no he kills this one guy and then he spends the rest of the movie chasing this woman who didn't do anything we also learned at this point in the movie that rotor is kind of psychic sensor recall [ __ ] what it's an advanced recreation based on atmospheric disturbance and then back problems gets a call from robot cop yeah and robot cop is telling is telling back problems like uh yeah rotor's out uh it's a problem and then robot cop resigns over the phone over the phone god just resigns like resigns in a very cowardly way where he goes uh i would like to tender my resignation the only interesting character in the movie just says you know what i'm done with this movie this is also the point where we discover that everybody wants to kill rotor regardless of if they know that he is a violent psychotic robot from the future what did you try to stab a guy a cop walks in the door you try to snap him immediately don't you know he's got fake teeth again like the scene is set up like a scene in i don't know terminator or something very tense very serious she's trying to hide out the the uh attacker comes in but the cook has these comical butt teeth for literally no reason no reason other than the director said they thought it was funny they thought it was funny but it's not appropriate at all and it's not funny come on up here you'll be okay just sit right there honey meanwhile [ __ ] a trucker is there the trucker threatens rotor rotor shoots the trucker the trucker shoots rotor so rotor finally has an injury and then back problems shows up remember him here's the thing where we're at right now things have been let me let me get my map no we're at a we're at a really good point here because think this is where rotor goes from inept to off the goddamn rails help me sonia help me help you this thing is on a rampage if he stays after you he won't go off on a killing spree after uh after back problem says bait says sends bait lady off to be bait he's just like just keep driving go to this place it'll take you a few hours just keep him going and then he gets on his uh car phone which came out of someone's kitchen which looks like a kitchen phone and he calls houston yes he's like houston unfortunately houston wasn't home at the time he gets he gets the answering machine of houston welcome to the machine leave the name leave the number if this is dr coren's deal i'm barrett cold iron it's 5 45 a.m we've never and while he's leaving the message the door opens and this huge [ __ ] muscular lady with a bag and a [ __ ] [ __ ] skunk hairdo walks in and she's like we have no idea who he's talking to who he's trying to get in touch with is it skunk lady we don't know it turned well it turns out it's a skunk lady but we don't know who skunk lady is and it turns out they she played a fairly significant role in the design of rotor yeah even though they never met they've never met never spoken apparently they know each other's work right when she finally when she shows up at the airport and she's wearing a you know like a womanly sort of dress now she's wearing an ugly dress she looks like a middle school teacher what is happening so now we're at the conclusion where they have random lady that is apparently an important character is just driving around no no no sorry we've got more something happening in the hotel room right yeah there's more we gotta do yet because they go from the airport to the hotel oh yeah [ __ ] remember what i said at rota's christening [ __ ] back problems just goes to look out the window and have a little soliloquy if i was like were we playing god maybe that was that's where the movie introduces morals yeah all of a sudden he's having another [ __ ] voiceover flashback because they're cutting the rotor driving around his motorcycle and then he turns back around the muscle lady is in like camo pants and black tank top and she's like let's get the [ __ ] and you would have thought like these guys worked on the design of rotor they know how his little intricacies work like maybe there's some sort of like like radio frequency thing they can blast at him or something or this or that is like no the plan is just to beat the [ __ ] out of him the plan is to shotgun him to death so they they follow lady lady bait lady that is apparently a character they follow her well this is after she just stops the car and runs out of the car oh she stops the car bait lady stops the car because rotor is chasing her she gets out of the car and she just runs into the woods for no reason and then uh rotor of course follows her and then uh back problems and skunk lady show up i don't want to live anymore was so awkward also so so for a normal sci-fi movie what's what's the ending supposed to be right it's supposed to be the big climactic battle between good and evil oh look at the action sequence in the background did i shoot this as a joke that's what i would do this is like a sucker that is that's brothers gag so skunk lady dies yeah she gets electrocuted she gets electrocuted what what why why because it looked too bad maybe oh that looked pretty that was fine oh no that's electrocution remember oh oh she died she got electrocuted okay the lasso back problem is lasso's rotor yeah one of those ropes is connected to the uh right but we don't know where the other ones are going it's just off camera somewhere rotor has four ropes two here yeah rotorua is suddenly tied up back problems only threw from one location yeah oh what what what what he just blew up just blew up that's what happened again what why did he blow up as as i've said the the ending is like the blues mobile okay okay it gets to the daily plaza and it just falls apart so here's the thing we have robot jocks which is um i i know you don't quite agree but as far as i'm concerned genuinely enjoyable b-movie not so bad it's funny not so bad it's good it's a genuinely enjoyable b movie and then you have rotor which is one of the worst [ __ ] things ever made by anyone ever so how do you rate something like this as best of the worst i i can't in good conscious pick either don't know because because robot jacks i mean that that's genuinely a good movie it's not not great but it's genuinely good yeah they're trying to make a real movie i'm not willing to call rotor the best of anything it's it's it's terrible all it's terrible all you have to do is whilst you're editing these look at the time codes for how long we talked about each one we talked about rotor for four hours yes i know that's what i'm saying and so if you're talking about entertainment bang for your buck yeah a rotor gets the [ __ ] clock would you call it entertainment it's it's dissection this is like this is like being in a lab and you've got the lab coat on you're you're taking apart the movie with a scalpel when you're looking at it no it's not it's this doesn't make it but you know what i would rather do that than just go the only thing i can say for sure is i would like to destroy cyber tracker because that movie has no value good or bad we didn't even get to watch this movie but [ __ ] we decided [ __ ] it baby ticket to ride white line highway tell all your friends

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,932,534

Keywords: redlettermedia, red, letter, media, mr. plinkett, plinkett, plinkett reviews, movie, review, half in the bag, half, in, bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, best of the worst, best, of, worst, vindicator, cybertracker, cyber, tracker, robot jox, robot, jox, ROTOR, rotor, r.o.t.o.r., bad

Id: s76vZATqLrE

Length: 45min 23sec (2723 seconds)

Published: Wed May 22 2013