BEST OF Peter Kay's STAND UP About His Childhood | Peter Kay

[Applause] [Music] i rest my case that was shocking that i expected a big explosion though they must be left off from bonfire and out then i used to love bonfire tonight me and our julian mum you stand it back kitchen winner with a ghouls on one would turn light off so we could get the full effect and um we used to have sparklers looks like they make gas fire sticking in between bars and then when they're like oh run upside quick so you can write your name peter p uh julie let me down at the outside with a tin giving it but readers this one's called a tornado this one's called a volcano jesus christ this one's called the whistling gypsy right names they are traffic lights you just got red and green then just fall over what traffic lights do that putting rockets in sterilized milk bottles used to that they still do sterilize milk i don't think they do do they what up back at back shop but off it did you serialize milk i off it i remember you sent me for sterilized milk you stopped going get that and uh fry's five sensor that was my mum's treat get me a phrase five center quarter gems to me dad the walnut whip and our off license sold everything and i mean everything you could go in a quarter turn and get a canoe i'm going in once again everything's tony well not so bad you know i'm still pissing blood diabetes you know you know fair enough oh bottle sterilize milk their please day of school lasting a term which love last day of term you know you could you could either bring a game in we're on close for tempe and bring a game in like a plunk or tank commander crossfire or a mastermind vietnamese lady on box who was she who was she oh you could wear your own clothes for 10p try to wear your own clothes for tempe come on it's my uniform it's not i heard this is my own uniform i'm a mufti the teachers are you went to the school trip you said you go on a trip i mean like an lsd thing i mean you go to court or something somewhere and you go off somewhere on a trip and then you know a teacher juicing up in a player clause they have like a ghouls on you know are you laughing at the girl or blue jeans are you a teacher really blue jeans really bright blue with massive turtles huge turnover bright white trainers really trainers off market like all the high-tech trainers flushing red lights on bouncing down road come on you're on coach a you're on coach b so you've not played 10 p come on let's go dinner ladies getting on a bit of cash in hand well i'll do that escort foot there got 30 quid that'll do me come on get on janice barbara we're on now to sandra not mary atlanta though defend it family your parlor coach you know i'll get on there'd be some them girls would always pretend they were drunk because they'd had a side of lolly there was something of a chandelier aside a lot of them said they were drunk i'm drunk come at me i'm drunk and visit baxter sit down if you didn't go abroad if you're relative then you had your ring you're already in england glorious big six-week holidays at home playing at 11 o'clock at night flight nights have a water fight get an empty bottle full liquid work from the street and what i'm gonna find then i want more washing pots wash some pots to play on a friday night in my slippers fast steve austin slippers playing out quotes come on never come in really thirsty oh misty oh this thirsty i want to drink oh i'm on this day i want to drink i want to drink give me a drink have a cup of tea have a cup of tea cup of tea that's the first thing you can have if you're thirsty not even irishman have a good cup of tea that's the first thing you can have if you're thirsty a good cup of tea that cools you down bowler you can you just see him at wimbledon hey game set in matchy can you get the kettle on for these then you go back to school in september and you can't write okay all right what's the matter i can't right six weeks are why don't you and your arms freak out cannot write what's the matter with me teachers come on now in assembly come on now quiet everybody come on fingers on lips fingers on lips come on you're not on your holidays anymore there's like one lad with a lilo and trunks and a snark of life saw me bloody hell look at all my gear roots here rub that cream in will you bullseye sunday afternoons ice love balls i mean they were weird because it was and it was good honestly god you knew where you stood were bullseye and every week my sister used to say out of this splitter car between them when you know i ended up out of this litter-fitted kitchen with a chainsaw because usually on bullseye they were just two people they weren't related they used the front pub the clever one the dance player there were two blokes or two women usually cut out whether women were blocks on bullseye liam she bit that player it's stonewashed denim loving hat tattooed on her knuckles because she'd lost her finger valerie a friend she'd be answering questions she would cl she would clever one in maroon shell you'd like okay show vision showbiz leanne spelling you've got never mind spilling you've got for four bones for four pounds of valerie could you spell hermaphrodites [Music] i'll have to rush you valerie i'll have to rush your son when they run out of time on spelling remember bully you just walk across bottom at telly with a big dictionary [Applause] [Music] what [Applause] jim smacked off his tits don't know what day it is if you're going to go to allentown's go with the dinner lady oh no no but it can be one though man and then i'll ask you candle if you go i'll go with a pensioner go with a pensioner because they they won't want to go on anything and they always walk i guarantee you they just walk around going oh yeah well get me on that thing all right all my bags i'll be back in a week get on this one get on this one here get on this one there's no queue there's no q there's no q get on this one no there's no q you don't see three thousand people other side of ill queueing for about a week wow snakes queues one week from this point you go to old towers now though and there's like rides like the oblivion that that's not a ride that though it's not nice that you know you cute for about a week and you have all that do you ride the oblivion and live you can't go back all these special effects and strawbellies and things and he gets up front do you think that's going to be good this been queueing for a week and get there is that t-minus five minutes to embarkation you think oh it's gonna be good and just for today that hollywood shine off it some lad for at midlands do you mind taking your brace out love what you take your brace out why well that's you now you're just ruining the photograph for everybody else ugly come this way boys okay now you're 40 pounds that's safe that's going nowhere back pocket at farah no you've got the time it takes the board to revolt what do you want to do you can ask the audience come on ask the audience [Applause] well about all right good day do you have a right good day you know really enjoyed ourselves just being away from center for a few hours of job lessons you know because liam's electronically tagged well well we're gonna gamble jim we're gonna go for it we're going to gamble so we're going to prize you shall we in one kids won't have to suffer mum's roller coal anymore with this fantastic soda stream unbullies special a speed ball always a speed ball where did they live tamworth 200 miles let's see when they used to lose on bullseye what did jim boyne you say let's have a look at what you could have won yes my friend let's have a look at what you could have won kick and win the down gym hey a little bit assaulting my friend let's have a look these bring speedboat on and show him bring it on boys [Music] check it back now take it back they'll not see that again you have out take let's have a look at what you could have won i always think you make a really bad priest a wedding jim boeing i know pronounced your man and wife the parent invested in me gary julie okay garrett before you whisk julie off to tenerife it's over there okay let's have a look at what you could have married oh you slipped up there she's 16 she's filipino take her back boys [Music] don't worry you still got your bendy bullies and your 40 pounds it'll take me the commercial break to count it out before the quid jim what is it in two peas sunday afternoon then i'd get ready for school on monday morning have a bath get me heard right watching out to art and magnum my sister would be upstairs back bedroom taping top 40 off do you radio do that on sundays take charts and try and stop it before he speaks that's the skill that that's the skill ultrabooks begin as a non-mover off five star rain and shine he's down two places okay come on do our own dance routines in the bedroom from samurai to [Music] what's she doing up there what's she doing dancing i'll come up there and give you something down to that larry jane i'm trying to watch highway down here got school disco on a thursday night have a bottle of 20 20 behind a skit white lightning i'm pissed i don't give a come on never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never too many broken hearts in the world too many dreams can you do it wrong watch me we'll take the calipers off what's the matter with you enjoy yourself so you go on holiday and you arrive first thing you should do is uh open your case and get out some get out in the beans right beans and sausage you've got the money right open them all and throw them all over your wall all over you all in your apartment all the way down right and then go around your apartment and take the time out to find a cockroach or an insect something like that find it pull your bedding back put it in your bed right and then go around and take photographs of each other like this when we arrive send it to robinson [Applause] [Music] when i arrived on the monday night and our children were very tired i took them into the bathroom and i decided to bath them i turned on the tap and what can only be described as came out all the time i went to told the manager and he assured me it was perfectly natural for this time he hit me rep didn't want to know by the third day my children were starting to smell of i was spatting the old children in next week family crews fire chaos i had to jump from the top deck of the ship with both middle eggs on fire that is not a holiday i rang a takeaway last night i said dear deliver they said no we do lamb chicken and fish bang form down now we've started now we've started you

Channel: Peter Kay

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Id: uc834TI8CQ8

Length: 17min 34sec (1054 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 08 2021