BEST OF Peter Kay's STAND UP on Family | Peter Kay

hey i'll tell you what you're laughing but we'll end up like our parents you know it's inevitable who will tell you why 40 years from now we'll be there you know oh i tell you you don't know you're barney i'll be in your mom you should have it evenings with sky digital all right police station oh we had it evenings you know i think we used to have managed with a car each your mom had a dishwasher you don't remember look at her face you don't remember them a dishwasher oh excuse that go over take all the plates open it up on their own turn it on i'm telling you now you don't know you're born we love them other boards they were just park dreams then son turn that music off it's crap got a bit of bloody put a bit of basement jacks on jackson get a decent music come on with a drum and bass put a bit of prodigy on for your mom she loves that look at her smack your [ __ ] up come on [Applause] can't touch this though come on it's hammer time crank it up you love the sun my dad which always made me wonder why we always went butlins for two weeks every year and it always rained only time he ever saw me dad cry were at butlins fighting and when he trapped his balls in a sunlight oh oh yes we went loret de mar so and he got one of them they were one of them white plastic sun lounges that side at pool but it had a crack right up middle of it right but you oh yeah yeah get a certain pool sit something but he puts his weight to the back of the lounger the bus opening the crack like a man trap orton didn't see a thing everything fell through fell through plop that rip but the family jewels swinging in the wind no you know you've been in water in the angler as well but that far from concrete now swinging down there how it passed on or pissed besides didn't say a thing this is their life for the same miguel deirdre where's my son at my son's room where's my son pass me out there will you guys be out there i can't reach just pass me jesus took five of us getting it back at ambulance tower rat ran him still sat on sun lounge pick it get it quick if it rolls it pull the sword back on put it nice spent next two weeks kicking these balls don't beach i'm home for a big shot today we always got asda because we can park in that parrot and child bit that frontal shot and with me mum they don't put an age range on it you might as well you're right at front shop it's belty at least you know where you park when you come out you're not like them dads that can't remember i love seeing dads when they come out they have no short term memory when cars back there and they come out cars going bloody cars gone g g cars gone do they do that dad run that dads do i love that where they don't actually move any quicker they just have you seen that gene [Applause] it's going about it i love seeing people meet running for buzzes and then they miss them and then pretend they didn't want them well [Applause] binance fantastic at 90 in december she's still in her ward and control flat she loves it there she's got a red rope hanging from a ceiling at front room still for emergencies she only pulled it once but she had a wasp in the front room everything all right it's not i've a wasp here flying around doggy he's a big bugger he's like a zeppelin he's got a [ __ ] and balls on him now he's that big this one's fine she broke her wrist man she fell in turn outside farm foods and she got up it's funny about that you get your kicks casualty she come on with two bags of shopping went to bus station got bus home walked back to a flat with two bags of shopping this is a different generation this is cast iron i'm lying up bedroom floor thinking i'm christopher reeve because i've fallen over a bloody shoe brings me up peter you better come up i think i broke my wrist think thumbs up wrong way is that the fly i said none i'm on my way up now have you got any ice put some ice on it all right hang on here we're banging about it freeze all right i've no ice i've no ice have you any frozen peas frozen peas i got did i tell you about lena falling over and breaking a hip no lena she's falling over and broke a hip doctor's got her on penicillin he well he's got ron penicillin penicillin she's great with the words i'm going to try some of that uh orgasmic veg i am tucker mcdonald's what do you want i don't like mcdonald's i said i know but i'm bloody starving and maria now so just pick something i don't it's up there on that menu oh i don't know i love them i'll have a whiffy i'll try one of them whiffies wi-fi wi-fi they're free i'll have two of the three i love two free whiffers let's try them with a couple of whiffers peter will you slow down your driving's a bit erotic your mustang can't go and bloody sea lion she's quite technically minded though she's already can you get on that face tube and talk to your friends face tube they're all on that no face tube peter he's got a vd player a thigh pod skills at the ipod where's thai pog where's the ipod i'll give it a for christmas thought it rick asset she's trying to put in a tip player won't fit this this tape won't fit it's not a tape it's an ipod there's over a thousand songs on there nana honestly all your favorites nat king call frank sinatra n dubs they're all on their face does it play a record this is technology moves on you see this is what happens it's like i've still got videotapes i can't get rid of them vhs tapes like what are you going to get rid of all this [ __ ] in here and that's [ __ ] excuse me love of every single police academy in that back bedroom they're going nowhere okay it's all blue ray now blue ray blue rear with have blocked knee immediate pornos at back of a nissan sunny that's who blue ray when i was growing up blue ray a watching gadget show they said blue rays big in asia i thought christ he's done melt for himself blu-ray but back at park shell suit at pennsylvania [Music] i go up on sundays for me dinner i went last sunday because she had a big chicken but i don't go every sunday i don't go every sunday because when she gets extra family she's got to get the emergency chairs out oh every family has them emergency chairs you usually get a mouse at christmas and birthdays when you get extra family then it back bedroom upstairs and we're driving to my mum's on christmas day i saw a block crossing over bury road in bolton he had a [ __ ] in his mouth and two dining room bring some chairs i'm not gonna have chairs bring that little poof bring that little poof around i don't know with him everyone's at different sizes rope table nothing matches she is all about big tall bar stool there's your nose bleed up here what do you want gravy [Music] why why are they buying they don't they've got supermarket on friday night do the friday big shop they come back they never roll a call roll a call never caught the caller or pence it roll a caller hand the caller out strike caller off freeway get it drunk i'm not drinking it get a drunk i'm not drinking it mom won't mock me drains out with it it's crap get it drunk i'm not drinking it horrible he's too big and all he won't even go in fridge too big we'll go in not only is it crap it's wall it's well warm crap both got 18 liters of this [ __ ] here we don't want them to stop banging it normally stop bringing it home well it costs 40p and nobody's test wrong it's not caller that's horrible the children starving in ethiopia send it to let's send it back they won't drink it it's crap paul once he had enough of banging me he had a lot of weight my mum batter in my mind i said mom i said drink it you can sell woke up a casualty on a drip phil we're all a caller what a nice lolly we'll make a room get that ice cube trip and stop it freezing come on we'll make roller coal cubes and a maybe we're not a bleach one here and almost killed my sister there's a reason right no because we had a sale outside at front street you know when you have a sale you put a blanket down in front like a duvet and you have like a sail outside you're right she's trying to tell him his stretch aren't strong for 38 p right i'd only have two stretches of it since christmas it's out there with a price tag around his neck magna doodle looking annuals millennium falcon and were no wrong with that right evil knievel were out there they're all outside you ever have a girl's girls just make rolls perfume did you ever do that did you ever do that rose perfume did you do that get an empty bottle or roll a caller right it's what you do fill it up full of water right and put rose petals in it and then sell it however he was [ __ ] himself you

Channel: Peter Kay

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Id: lWd0jh6PufY

Length: 12min 32sec (752 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 13 2020