Hey guys, welcome back to my channel. Thanks for joining me again for another video so for this week's video I wanted to and I'm gonna dive right into this and one of the things that I Love to do but I think it's really beneficial is to learn the why so why were we in this situation? Why did we attract this partner? Why did we lose our self-esteem and our self-worth in that relationship? So what happened? Probably throughout your relationship is that you had a belief inside of yourself? Which is I'm not enough and when you have that belief if I'm not enough, I'm not worthy. I'm not lovable I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not pretty enough I'm not whatever enough Then you allow someone else to tell you who you are when you have that. I'm not enough that's going on in the background You're basically searching for someone to tell you who you are because you don't know who you are So when you lost your self-worth your self-esteem in that relationship, you just lost yourself entirely well The reason why you did is you essentially gave your power to someone else you you allowed someone else to have control over Who you are? You allowed someone to dictate your self-worth and your self value and there are four reasons. Why? We give our power away to someone else. The first reason is you never learned how to connect to yourself So when you don't know how to connect yourself when you don't know who you are It's very easy for someone else to tell you who you are because you're not Connected to the thing inside of your your soul your essence the part of you that is essentially used up number two You never learned how to trust you intuition step number three is you never learned how to self-soothe I also like to call this self parenting so you never learned how to have that self Parenting technique that I talk about in my videos. You never learned how to soothe yourself You never learned how to trust you intuition and you never learned how to stay connected to yourself Now when you combine those three things the last thing is you never learned how to create that self dialogue So you never learned how to have that positive and healthy self talk the reason why you never learn these things is because we're most likely never taught these their Parents were supposed to mirror this stuff back at us and because they didn't do that for us We didn't learn how to do it ourselves when you're not taught these things. You don't know really who you are And when you don't know who you are and you suffer from that, I'm not enough that though All of those things combined you're gonna look for validation Constantly outside of yourself whether that is in another person whether that's in a job whether that's in social media and getting validation Anywhere external other than getting it from yourself You're going to constantly be seeking and when you're constantly seeking that validation you're gonna get yourself into abusive relationships because There's a lack within yourself and that lack needs to get filled and if it's not getting filled by yourself and needs to get filled Elsewhere which is within a job within a person within social media things of that sort all of those things are dictating your Value and your self-esteem and your confidence and all of that because you're not doing it for yourself you're relying on something else to do it for you and when you rely on someone else or something else to give you the Validation and the self-love and approval that you should be already giving yourself That's just a recipe for disaster Because you're never gonna feel like you're enough because those things will never be able to truly validate and fill you up inside So the first step towards rebuilding yourself after this abusive Relationship is you have to accept that you fell in love with a character Are you accepting that you fell in love with someone that really didn't exist? you didn't fall in love with a true authentic person and that's really hard for some people to not only accept but to Understand that there's even people out there that are on that level of crazy Obviously something happened to this person growing up that caused this mental disorder to happen. We're not labeling people We're trying to understand behaviors and why? One behavior is different than the other and how did that behavior actually even begin forming in that person to me that? Psychology to me that's understanding human beings to me That's a healthy way to approach life because you don't go around thinking everyone thinks like you love's like you Lives their life like you and so coming back to accepting that you fell in love with the character when you're a good And again, no one's perfect. Right? We all have our flaws. We all have our stuff but if you're an honest good person that's trying to do their best in life and be the best human being you can be which Most likely watching this you are because you're inquisitive and you want to know this stuff to grow and to learn so narcissus is not watching this video trying to grow and learn is You ask yourself these questions You want to know why people did what they did and you want to learn this character that you fell in love would it's tough sometimes to understand that this person could actually even exist and it's something that a lot of people stay stuck in for a Very long time and it allows them to be bitter and angry Because they think that this person was doing this just to be vindictive and just to hurt them when in reality It's just the way they know how to function in the world because of the disorder because of the abuse that they probably had because of the lack of Love and confidence and self-esteem that they to have within themselves next step towards rebuilding yourself after an abusive relationship emotionally abusive whatever is You are not what this person said you were who they thought you were nothing you dictate Who you are one of the things that really helped me was when I learned that hurt people hurt people So when I really got that it allowed me to not take what someone was saying So personally that and I accepted that they had every right to think whatever they wanted to think of me and That it wasn't my job to try and convince them that I'm a good person and I'm a good mother that I'm a good Woman I love myself. I know how I view myself. I hope that People close to me Would see that and know that but if they don't and they want to think something differently because of their own views In their own beliefs, then that's totally fine. And when I accepted that hurt people hurt people I realized that Wow everything that this abusive person was saying that I was It really wasn't about me it was really about them trying to pin me as the bad guy or the bad girl or Pin me as the one that was doing all the damage in the relationship and then it was all my fault And it's never one person's fault. And again, I get this all the time from not all the time But I get a lot of not some nice comments here and there and it's gonna happen. I understand that I'm putting myself out there and what I believe and things of that sort so I take it with a grain of salt but No one is saying that anyone's perfect what we're trying to do again decipher between healthy approaches to life an unhealthy so when we really accept that you are not what your ex said you were even though no one's perfect that you're not flawed or Damaged or unlovable or any of those things that you're gonna take responsibility for the things that you did in the relationship that you yourself want to work on and I think from me that was really Important was I knew that the abuse I was getting that had nothing to do with me But did I raise my hand and say that I'm a perfect person I do everything right? Absolutely No, there's always things that you should learn from any relationship whether that's family member friendship co-worker partner or romantic partner children, I mean everyone is always teaching us things about ourselves that we need to kind of open up to and learn from and even The people that sometimes you don't get along with in life I truly believe they're there to teach you a lesson about yourself as well you just have to be open enough to receive the message and kind of relinquish that ego a little bit when you Understand that someone that suffers from a personality disorder Someone that is not healthy and not capable of having healthy relationships with other people That you know, they're cheating or they're abusing they have their own issues themselves. Maybe they're maybe they drink too much Maybe they're a workaholic whatever it is that's going on inside of that person because again, we all have stuff Is that the stuff that they said the stuff that they did had nothing to do with you would have to do with them the last thing towards rebuilding yourself after this relationship is You are starting from scratch and what I mean by that is you're coming out of this relationship Chances, are you are? Drained you are emotionally exhausted mentally exhausted physically exhausted I mean you probably feel like you can't even go on you probably feel so damaged So worthless, you have nothing left and and even though it's an exhausting place to be that Bottom-of-the-barrel place is a great stepping stone. So when I say you're starting from scratch, that's what I mean You are starting from the bottom and you're gonna work yourself back up again So you're gonna learn all of the things that you didn't learn growing up that you were supposed to learn You're gonna look look back at that relationship Self-reflect after time has passed You're gonna see all the lessons in that relationship and learn from that relationship so you can ensure that that type of situation never happens again, and when I mean by start from scratch also is You're gonna learn who are you? Who are you what makes you tick who really get to the core of who you are inside? What are the things that you want your in your life? What do you want your life to be? You know, I think these are such important intuitive questions that we have to ask ourselves You have to learn how to get connected to yourself. You have to learn how to self parent you have to learn how to self-soothe yourself and this stuff is all a Practice and it really doesn't take that much time to learn this stuff It's just something that you'll be doing for the rest of your life And even if you learned it growing up, it would still be the stuff that you would do for the rest of your life But it would probably come a little bit more natural Just like talking just like walking. We learned that growing when we're you know, little little kids beanies And now if that's natural toss, we don't even like think about it. We just do it. This is the same thing It's just like learning how to ride a bike You got to learn the steps towards doing it. And once you learn how to do it, you kind of just flow with it and learning how to self-soothe having that positive, you know and healthy a self-talk that Stop learning how to trust your intuition Learning how to stay connected to who you are what you need what you want What are you thinking all of that stuff learning how to monitor your thoughts? managing your emotions these are all huge healthy tools that you absolutely have to do for yourself, so I don't care how Exhausted you feel you need to do this for you? Because this was this is your opportunity to start from scratch and hit restart on your life Now you get the opportunity to do whatever you want with your life whether that's change careers get a different job Hopefully need a new partner someday all of that stuff Whatever happens in those areas of your life the work that you do on yourself now that's gonna determine all of those things So if you want a great partner You want them conditional love you want to be in a great job? That's fulfilling You have to you have to get rid of that. I'm not enough story You have to learn how to have healthy And you know positive self-talk you have to learn how to manage your emotions You have to practice self parenting and having that inner dialogue and conversation with your stuff with yourself. These are all Huge tools to have that you need to have that also, you know If you have children that you're passing down to your children, you're teaching them these things and if you don't have children when you start doing this work on yourself your friends your family, they're gonna see the difference in you and Honestly from me, I know a lot of my friends and family members They I don't want to say have followed me through this journey, but they learn stuff about themselves as well You know, they've done self-reflection they have started to get more in touch with themselves and what they want and what makes them tick and staying connected to themselves and learning about manifestation and trusting their intuition So when you're doing this work on yourself You become a beam of light your vibration rises and people sense that energy shift in you You're no longer a victim. You're no longer. Someone that lets others tell you who you are You know who you are you love yourself you love life you're ready to create the life that you've always wanted and that's an exciting place to be so don't always look at Where you are right now as number one. You're never gonna be there forever So if you feel exhausted and drained a bottom of the barrel And I'm starting from all over again while you look at that as a terrible place to be I Looked at it as a great place to be I was so thankful that I wasn't in that relationship anymore and that I got a second chance and when you come from that hopeful place that makes life exciting and Even though you don't believe it. Maybe you don't believe it in this moment you have the ability to create whatever life you want and When you really accept that Even if you don't believe you're capable of making a real change happen in your life when you really accept that The wheels start to turn so this isn't I'm gonna snap my fingers and change my life overnight This is I'm not gonna give up until I have the life. I want I'm gonna learn so much from that relationship I'm gonna learn how to love myself and when you get so excited and passionate and motivated by doing this stuff I mean life really changes and life gets so much better than you ever could have thought it would be so I hope that this video has helped you guys learn a couple of tips inspires you motivate as you Whatever you got from it. I'm thankful Don't forget to hit subscribe. Like I said if you are interested in private coaching I will link that down below and I will see you next week
