3 Reasons WHY You Feel STUCK! It is Time to HEAL | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video so this week i want to talk about healing more specifically i want to talk about why we tend to get stuck in our healing journey and what we can do to actually heal and move forward and i know a lot of people really struggle with um going through things in life and not understanding what it means to really be fully healed and honestly like what what are the actual steps in order to heal so if you are the analytical one in your friend group this video is for you i'm gonna give you kind of like a step-by-step um instructions directions what have you in order to heal now obviously it's not so black and white i wish it was that we could just flip a switch and we're good to go and we're done from all the dramas that we've been through so it's going to be a little gray at times but this will give you more tangible steps in order to take to really start feeling better and to not get stuck now like always before we get into the actual video my name is stephanie i'm a life and relationship coach don't forget to click on the subscribe button down below and click on post notifications i always link all of my coaching options or programs uh we just launched a new community forum that's really affordable coaching for you guys if you're interested in that as well i always link everything down below if you're interested in that so let's dive into the good stuff one of the things that's really sad is when people come to me and they're like look i've been in therapy for years i've been going through this and i i'm still feeling the way i always felt and that honestly breaks my heart because no one should be going through this process for years and years on end especially without tangible things that you know you have to do in order to feel better so grief healing all of these things acceptance forgiveness everything that we have to go through reprogramming like i said in the beginning it's not black and white it is gray but you should know the foundation of what you need to do to get yourself through all of those experiences so i think that's kind of where my heart goes out to people that are really struggling because they don't even know that those instructional pieces i guess you want to say but right off the bat number one first thing you absolutely have to do in order to heal to move on to feel better to not get stuck is you have to own and take responsibility for how you feel see i always never fully understood why and look we're all human we all have egos the ego gets bruised we feel hurt we feel wronged it's just a part of the human experience but to fully take responsibility for yourself is such an empowering thing it's such a freeing thing because you're no longer at the mercy of other people now you may not like what happened to you and acknowledging that you don't like that or acknowledging that hey i'm here because someone also contributed to me being here and i'm upset about that perfectly fine but you have to acknowledge all of that you have to accept responsibility for all of that there comes a point in time where you can either stay in that victim mode of saying look i'm still here where i'm here or where i'm at and i feel the way i feel because you did this and this happened to me and and all of that stuff it's part of the journey to understand what we went through and to get upset and to feel normal human emotions but to stay in a space for too long is completely unhealthy and unproductive you're never going to get to the end goal of what you want to feel and what you want your life to be by sitting in that victim state a big part of healing is being able to acknowledge that something actually happened you don't have to like what happened but you have to acknowledge that it happened and that you're actually here now in order to keep moving through and and look acknowledging and taking full responsibility is i'm angry i'm upset i'm frustrated you can feel the frustration the anger the sadness the disappointment because of something that happened to you but you have to own that feeling and again that's very self-empowering but to really heal and get to a good place that frustration that anger that sadness once you own it then you can tend to it and you can you can love yourself you can nurture yourself you can do everything that you need to do and ps you're gonna have to do this for a while this isn't just like a one-off okay i feel angry i feel sad i'm gonna attend to it i'm gonna soothe myself i'm gonna do all these other things that we're gonna talk about and then all of a sudden i'm never gonna feel sad again no it might come back up again the old memory of something that came back up grief and grief doesn't necessarily have to be a death it can also be a divorce it can be a disappointment it can be a betrayal so going through that process of healing and constantly doing that work you you start to feel better when you actually do the full cycle of what it means to really heal something and you also start to feel better because then you realize wow i actually have control over my life and i actually have control over how i feel and not everything and everyone is actually responsible for why i feel the way i feel i am and no matter what someone does to me it might cause me to feel anger it might cause me to feel frustration or disappointment normal human experience but what do i do now with that feeling do i choose to be in a victim state and pretend or portray this image that it's everyone else's fault and you know the world's against me and things always bad things always happen to me or am i going to be empowered to actually be able to move through those experiences in a really great way there's a a really beautiful flow to healing and when you know you're on the right path is when i just i keep looking i keep wanting to like do one of these um you feel that flow because you know that you're going through that cycle of healing and you're doing all the right things now the frustration that i think a lot of people feel is that they do all the right things and they expect that to just go away and sometimes it doesn't and grief it goes it ebbs and flows look at me i'm just like flowing all over the place um it ebbs and flows and so there are going to be days where you do the healing and you feel good a couple days go by and you got to do it again but you know what the reality is you are responsible for your own self and you're an adult and that's what it means to really know how to take care of yourself on a mental and emotional level is to be able to do that cycle and do it comfortably and do it naturally and not have to think about it and it not having to be so much work one of the things that i know a lot of people struggle with i don't think it's anyone here watching this because chances are you're probably in some kind of self-development you want to heal you want to understand what the process is but for very victim people or people that are just very unhealthy and have no sense of self there's absolutely no connection whatsoever to their own selves that they can't recognize the feeling they can't recognize okay i feel angry i feel sad i feel frustrated or even if they do they just have programmed themselves um through honestly repetition and just not even knowing again education not knowing what to do in order to be a healthy adult uh because they didn't learn we understand that but at some point you are an adult and you do have to learn these things because what you're doing isn't serving you but to be able to recognize those feelings you have to and it sounds like the most simplistic thing in the world but being able to say i feel sad i think we're okay with feeling anger we're okay with saying i'm angry i'm upset i'm frustrated i'm disappointed but there's something about i feel sad and really the frustration the disappointment the anger is just masking the sadness because really it's that sadness that kind of sits at the bottom for what happened where you are why you have to feel and go through these experiences it's that grief it's that sadness that we most most of the time people don't want to feel another big part and the reason why a lot of people honestly get stuck when they are going through healing is because they get wrapped up in a story they get wrapped in the in the story that they're telling themselves as to why they are here now or why they feel the way they do why they're here and why they feel the way they do or either going to be two reasons either you caused the pain meaning me you know i caused my own pain or someone else did so you can either blame and cause more shame on your own self which keeps you stuck and you're not really ever healing because you're not forgiving you're not soothing you're not validating you're not going through all the steps of healing that you know you need to go through or you're constantly blaming someone else even if someone 100 did you wrong black and white understanding why someone did what they did understanding what what on some levels and if you're really honest with yourself you can answer this what's the benefit of someone doing something that betrayed you or hurt you or disappoint you what is what is some good that came out of a really terrible situation i don't care what the situation is there's some level of yourself that had to rise up there's some strength there's some muscle that needed to get worked over and over again whether it's faith whether it's hope whether it's just an understanding of human beings and programming and dysfunction whether it's learning how to love yourself whether it's learning how to be more intuitive to yourself staying connected to yourself there was something that was gained from this experience but if you keep telling yourself the story that i'm where i am and i feel the way i feel because of that person or that situation or life doesn't always work out for me and it's always you know all of that negative stuff you're just going to keep feeding the negative story that's going to keep you stuck in the same cycle over and over again you're never going to heal you're never going to move on you're never going to feel what you want to feel this is why taking responsibility is so empowering because if i own how i feel regardless of what someone does to me i have a choice i can choose whether or not i want to stay on that path or if i want to get off the ride if my happiness is conducive of you then i have no control that's why it's so important to own your feelings and take responsibility now some people don't feel that sense of empowerment and so they stay in the victim mode for years and years they have not learned or maybe they do understand on some levels that these negative stories that they keep telling themselves are keeping them stuck in this cycle but they haven't just learned how to stop inflicting pain upon themselves to just get off the ride for a minute and go on a new ride and feel more self-empowered or more or healthier or you know able to actually go out and like meet a great partner have a good life or enjoy yourself or just like breathe for a minute but instead they continuously want to feed themselves the garbage that makes them feel not not okay right and then they're they're not healed and then they stay stuck for years and years now the longer you can stay stuck in a cycle you know you gotta understand something really really simple is everything that happened to you is in the past so when wounds come up it is from your past and if you're aware of it in that moment you have a choice and in free will and deciding in choice and consciousness and being mindful or however you want to spin it is the most powerful thing that you have because that's where actual change gets made so you have to take responsibility for the fact that what's coming up is not about this moment you can choose how you want to handle this moment but instead what ends up happening is most people are just asleep and they just let that wound continue to come forward and completely ruin their day and their lives you know when the validation piece is you didn't cause all of this to happen to yourself you know you didn't inflict all of this even though you're a participant in the game of life and you're a participant in this relationship so on some levels you do take responsibility but for the most part it's a tough thing that someone handed you you handed you something difficult and now you're you have to deal with it now the beauty that comes of someone handing you their garbage and now you're responsible for tending to it is that that garbage is actually the golden nugget that garbage is the stuff that's going to allow you to grow and develop and become everything that you need to be to actually have the things that you want so if you want to have a great relationship if you want to have a business if you want to have you know whatever it is that you want for yourself doesn't matter it's going to require a different version of yourself and unfortunately sometimes we're we're given some pain or some garbage that is now our responsibility even though someone else handed it to me someone forced me into changing or growing and who wants to grow like growing socks it's painful it's hard but once you come on the other end and then you see all the beauty that's there now that you can look back and say okay the growth was worth it the pain was worth it you absolutely can because what's in front of you now looks way better than what was actually behind you but you won't know that no one ever knows that all you know is that i know something good is gonna come i don't know what it is i don't know what the purpose of this garbage was that i had to go through but as you go through your journey in life you will be able to look back and say okay i understand it if you learned the lesson the other thing with healing that's really important is emotional triggers now we all get triggered emotionally by people you can get triggered by an environment a sound a person words anything that happens can trigger a flashback of a time where you went through something really difficult or a time where you know or you know those people can just say all the right things that just kind of cut you at your knees so you have to know what your emotional triggers are and you do know what they are because you react to them so whenever you become reactive to some something that someone does or says or an environment or a sound that's an emotional trigger for you now when you go through especially in childhood when you're a child and you're going through life and something's really difficult a child's not able to really handle what's going on with them as it happens so whether they're facing abuse or a traumatic situation doesn't matter what it is it doesn't have to actually be with a person perhaps you get into a car accident something like that as a child you're not able to fully process these things because you don't have the mental or emotional capacity or ability to really be able to do this for yourself some adults don't either but so that memory gets stored inside of your mind and same thing as an adult if you go through a traumatic experience and you don't deal with it in the right ways you don't handle things in the right ways that trauma is going to stay with you and then it's going to show up in day-to-day life with the next person the next relationship the next time you get into a car the next time you go on a plane ride what have you because you haven't really tended to that story you haven't really done the healing cycle in this situation with this experience sound something that someone said or person in general you haven't really dealt with the actual wound yet so this is known as post-traumatic stress so sometimes when we have post-traumatic stress it's that old stuff that's coming up that's still triggering us because we haven't either dealt with it or we have to continue to deal with it and it's something that we're still working through a lot of times we think that a wound is just it should just be healed and go away and it's never a part of our day-to-day lives but a wound and your scars they make up who you are and it can stay with you for a lifetime but again as long as you learn about it as long as you learn how to work with it it's like saying okay all of a sudden i'm a diabetic um i need insulin now so now this has become your life where you need these things so this wound has happened to you this trauma has happened to you and now you need certain things because you're getting triggered by or showing up in your day-to-day life it's the stop it's the things now you know what word to really call us it's the it's the good stuff that you need to know how to do for yourself and give to yourself that'll allow you to yes have this wound but it won't affect your life it'll be learning how to deal with the diabetes where it doesn't affect your life in such a traumatic way but it's something that you just got to deal with from time to time right so maybe a weird example but was the only thing that came to my mind so this is the good stuff this is where we want to start is we want to start learning okay like what does that actually look like i would say that like i said in the beginning the first thing is taking responsibility everything that i feel whether it's anger frustration sadness stress whatever i don't care what happens to me in the external i don't care who says what or what happens i own those feelings because by me owning them i have control over where i go with that do i keep that emotion with me or do i release it so taking responsibility is number one number two you have to be able to know your emotional triggers and the way you can know them is i mean you might know a lot of them but obviously how your body responds to life if your body is responding in a certain way to what someone says or what someone does you own that how you respond you own that the next thing is self-awareness you have to be really really self-aware to be able to recognize that when he said this to me and it triggered me that i'm going to be i'm reactive because i feel the trigger but i'm not going to be verbally reactive i'm not going to start giving my energy to someone else because they triggered me i'm going to go oh i feel that okay i got to disengage i'm going to take responsibility for that right now you have to be able to have that level of self-awareness to slow yourself down so you actually have choice and you can begin consciously walking through life and deciding how you want to handle things this is how you change habits the next thing is understanding the story so when the wound gets triggered or when the wound gets triggered or you feel an emotional trigger or just something happens anything you have to understand what was the story and the story was created based on that past experience what's the story that came up that allow that trigger to actually happen so it wasn't what the person said it was the story behind what they said that caused me to feel anger once you can start to unleash your stories this is mental health i want to like grab the screen and go this is mental health because you got to be able to unleash all the stories that you tell yourself day in and day out and obviously i can't give you specific examples because everyone's stories are completely different but you got to be able to be honest with yourself if you take responsibility for yourself then you got to work on that relationship with yourself that way that part of you that's telling the story will be honest and say the story is this i feel this based on this trigger based on this wound based on this fear etc once that story comes up and you have enough space away from the story meaning you haven't fed the story that's why consciousness is so important is to be able to slow yourself down because if you're aware of stories then you can stop before you unconsciously start feeding it so it grows into something that it doesn't need to grow into so once you see the story and you don't feed it you just recognize oh look i'm conscious and i feel triggered why am i triggered because of that story okay let's examine that story just like any wound some wounds need cleaning some wounds need a band-aid some wounds need ointment some wounds need you know wrap your arm around crutches time to heal laying in bed what have you every emotional wound that you feel or all the things that you're going through that you need to heal from some of the stories are going to require validation they're going to require you have every right to feel this way they're going to require soothing hey i know what you went through is really tough like absolutely but you're going to be okay it requires those affirmations and then there are other things that come up that you know you actually these stories that come up that you know you actually don't agree with and they're just habitual and you can just flick those things away so you have to be able to understand how do i want to handle this wound and that's what i really do one-on-one with my clients is we kind of go through like what are the stories that you're telling yourself that are causing you to feel the way you do um it's a huge part of mental health but a big you will 100 be able to do this as soon as you understand that you're connected to yourself and as soon as you can give a little bit of attachment or excuse me detachment from those stories if you're meshed in a story you can never get yourself out of that space it takes more work to get out of a rabbit hole than you just walking by the rabbit hole and that's what we want to do is we want to walk by the rabbit hole see it and decide where we want to go because then we can use logic if we're in the rabbit hole you can't logically talk yourself out of a rabbit hole so a big part of the reason why people get stuck is because number one they don't want to take responsibility for how they feel they want to point the finger at someone else number two they have not practiced self-awareness they and if you're not taking responsibility then chances are you're probably not going to be aware so you're just going to be reactive to life they have no idea what their emotional triggers are they're just reactive and doing and saying and getting enmeshed in other people's stuff and with their own stories that they tell themselves and when you repeat this cycle time and time again you're never going to get off get off the train you're going to stay stuck and living the life that you don't want to live versus feeling healthy and empowered to go in a different direction with your life regardless of what's happened to you so i hope you have enjoyed this video if you did don't forget to give it a thumbs up and i will see you next week

Channel: Stephanie Lyn Coaching

Views: 36,506

Rating: 4.9659953 out of 5

Keywords: healing after narcissistic abuse, healing after divorce, feeling stuck, can't move forward, struggling to move on, time to let go, can't move on after cheating, abandonment, why people abandon others, healing trauma bonding, forgive, why we forgive

Id: CvMTAa5qYIs

Length: 20min 47sec (1247 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 06 2021