Best Comebacks | House M.D.

oh wow oh thank god Wow I'm gonna be a mom whoa thank you so much I gotta get you a gift or something sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again okay all right you must be dr. house you must be full of baloney hmm a lot of it oh right Fat Joe always fun only people you can still make fun of and Christians only black people why are you giving other steroids this is my patient that's what you do with patients you give them medicine you know prescribe medicine based on guesses at least we don't since Tuskegee and Mengele comparing me to a Nazi guys not arrogant enough to think that of the 50 billion galaxies hundred billion stars per galaxy and 10 million billion planets in the universe that we're the only ones with life no but I'm guessing we're the only ones who like shoving things through our back doors mrs. euros really was an attractive quality thank you it was either that or get my hair highlighted smugness is easier to maintain your girlfriend's called the clinic 15 times looking for you today lot to discuss China Pat her house she's a stalker right couldn't be that she finds me interesting attractive has to be that she's insane she's called you 15 times your mother's not that interested in me maybe I'd be better adjusted if she wives told you work worked on the wrong patient we can spend all day arguing right or wrong give me the hundred bucks we didn't bet we could spend all day arguing with me better not give me the hundred bucks you need to apologize to this guy I'm a man of principle I don't care how much time and money it costs you to defend me your real fear is me having a good relationship yes that keeps me up at night that in the Loch Ness monster global warming evolution other fictional concepts usually worst in the morning especially if I've slept on my arm if I sleep on my back or you know with my arms out I'm usually okay so your arm only hurts after you lie on top of it all night yeah well have you thought about I don't know not doing that got it start counting how many 26 okay either you suck at math or you're gonna die in two seconds you second math pad on Herrick yeah we connected through single bone dance lowers gum why wouldn't you follow and tear that information why would I hide it you didn't tell him that anything you said would be held against you you can't just randomly stab the temporal lobe in hope you hit the right spot take tiny pieces tell what until I find the problem or you kill him no I'll keep going even if I kill him what are you thinking me hiring a nutritionist instead of a neurologist natsound almost the same I take it you've met a hot nutritionist don't cheapen this oh I almost forgot I need to give us 16 year old magic mushrooms to treat a cluster headache that Cole no problem I was being sarcastic when you look that way in the court transcript if you're dying suddenly everybody let's see you have a cane nobody even likes you about terminal merely pathetic wouldn't believe the crap people let me get away with if chase screwed up so badly why didn't you fire it he has great hair what are you hiding okay oh that's not what you meant that's explained a lot though no girlfriend always will Wilson obsession with sneakers hello sick people and their loved ones in the interest of saving time and avoiding on a boring chitchat later I'm dr. Gregory House you can call me Greg I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this one short sweet grab a file this ray of sunshine is dr. Lisa Cuddy dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you I am a board-certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology I'm also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who's forced to be here against his will that is true isn't it but not to worry because for most of you this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of motrin scan showed a mass in her pancreas and give it two months on the bright side it still means that was right how would you describe my leadership skills non-existent always excellent there's a lot of being a leader than being a jerk world will never know he swallowed a magnet we got to cut it out how old are you eight and he swallowed something stuck to a fridge Darwin says let him die brain is not ready for surgery okay let's just leave it a couple of weeks he should be feeling better by then oh wait which way this time go oxygen saturation is 94% chequered hyper oxygen saturation is normal by one percentage point us within rain normal if her DNA was off by one percentage point she'd be a dolphin thank you very much this guy's been working for me for a long time I mean I get bonus points if I act like I care if she's never kissed a boy it's a fair bet she's never had sex until after all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth some people bottle up their feelings have them come out as physical pain healthy human beings express feelings such as affection by giving gifts gifts Express guilt more expensive the expression the deeper the guilt that's the $12 box we got a celebrity yet where she wasn't that good I've got the plague don't worry it's treatable being a [ __ ] though I think we can do about that Merry Christmas and a happy go to hell his fingers are even darker his temperatures 102 and spiking and the x-ray now shows lung infiltrates good news is won't be bitching about losing his hand he can't breathe I just admitted a cartilage hair hypoplasia dwarf 15 years old what are you gonna do I thought I'd get your theories mock them then embrace my own the usual what's des say as I suspected you have significant losses in the upper right quadrant of your visual field are you serious no it's a joke two guys go into a bar and one has significant losses in the upper-right quadrant of his visual field the other one says you're gonna need an MRI to confirm the type and location of the tumor my readout says his visions fine we loaded him full of prednisone to try to fix the liver good news is it's running out of organs to fail Patrick I want you to pretend that your leg is a piano my legs not appear I know that's why I said pretend we've got rectal bleeding what all of you are you being intentionally dense Oh dr. house I don't think we've met dr. Jamie Conway I've heard your name most people have it's also a noun uh what is this is that what he's a who being that the right to vote now excuse me you stash your drugs in a lupus textbook it's never lupus speaking of which if you're particularly annoying you may see any reach for this this is vicodin it's mine you can't have any and no I do not have a pain management problem I have a pain problem but who knows maybe I'm wrong maybe I'm too stoned to tell so who wants me and who would rather wait for one of the other two guys okay well I'll be in exam room one if you change your mind [Music] [Music] [Music]

Channel: House M.D.

Views: 6,583,097

Keywords: Gregory House, House M.D., Dr House, House, Hugh Laurie, House Funniest Moments, House Best Moments, Allison Cameron, Olivia Wilde, Lisa Cuddy, Wilson, Best Of House, Thirteen, Foreman, Chase, house md insults, house md comebacks, house md funniest moments, house insults chase, never seeing you again

Id: Xvv4JB3rXsA

Length: 8min 20sec (500 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 25 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/j0hn_r0g3r5]

so wrong and yet rather funny -_-