Bert Kreischer Sweats Profusely Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones

because if you can you're in the back oh I hope I think it might be a Brenda hey what's going on everybody for first we feast I'm Sean Evans and you're watching hot ones it's the show with hot questions and even hotter wings and today I'm joined by Bert Kreischer Bert the Conqueror Bert the Machine Bert the hot ones fan finally we get you in the seat hardcore hot ones fan I have notes on the show I I want to critique the shows that I've watched in the past my favorite ones I'm so happy that I'm a part of this you were one of our first famous day one hot ones fans back when we weren't [ __ ] you're talking about us in the Bert cast it gave us life to a big hip-hop fan okay so as soon as I started seeing rappers I was like yes and then one day you turned a corner and you've got riff raff and I watched him go full burly boy and I literally I was like I was like I the accents fading away the characters fading away he can't rhyme him and it was like this is great you're sizzling down what is an entertainer you're taking it to the in he said these are these are the ones that are I believe game changers no questions asked TJ Miller yeah squirt water bottle in the face key and Peele Jordan when he just starts going that's when you watch it you're like oh shut up and then I'm obviously dj khaled oh okay I'm sorry I'm sorry best one yet easily when I show the show to anyone the one I show is Eddie Wong when he stands up and he starts going home huh well that's when you're like oh [ __ ] it's on and then when he comes back to every touched his dick are you serious yeah it was like we really put him through some stuff I want to be sweating profusely throughout that's a lot I can already feel it [Music] all right let's start this way Shawn the proper way to eat a win you guys have always been doing it wrong okay you guys go at it like savages just oh right oh my god no take a lot win is eaten like this you just wake it you twist you then take this bone okay okay you slide it out this one yeah then you've got basically like a little meat no mm-hmm not bad at all I want to start at the beginning because you burst on the scene in such an odd way there's this Rolling Stone profile they come to visit Florida State and they want to do a story on the party scene at Florida State and it ends up evolving this huge profile piece at that time in your life as a 60 year senior it had to be odd because you have classmates who are probably stressing out about their first entry-level job and you're getting courted by the national media because of your ability to shotgun beers and have a good time how did that shift your perspective as an adult and what life could be if I feel like I'm just the luckiest guy in the world like that happened I'd be selling carpets in East Georgia I mean I was the our path was either selling boats in Orlando or selling carpets in East Georgia and I didn't this happen all of a sudden I had opportunity I had an opportunity to have a morning show in Tallahassee I had an opportunity to move to New York do stand-up and then when I got to New York I had an opportunity to to do something and then how people want to talk to me they're like there's an interesting article tell me more about yourself and that's how I met will so that will Schmitt yeah and that's an odd story to write well yeah yeah funny word of [ __ ] yeah that's if you thought you would not I like a Hollywood thing your dad talking to dad [ __ ] Hollywood [ __ ] me in the ass cuz well psych let's go to the movies and I was like okay and I told my dad we're going the movies my dad's old school is like wait I got a date and I was like no he's like who goes to the movies he's like funny this is very popular in Hollywood the the big movie stars get so tired of women they just want to turn out young boys that's what he wants to do with you I was like that's impossible he's like what's more likely the fact that you're so talented that the biggest movie star in the world wants to make a sitcom about you or that he's tired of and he wants to [ __ ] you in the ass holes like [ __ ] cuz that makes a lot of sense what your dad says what makes a lot of is a lot more sense of me being talented and then I got there and I told him I was a big hip-hop fan you know thinking that's how we connect we got there and this got Charlie Mac 65 350 meets me and he's like downstairs I don't think I gotta [ __ ] this guy - and then there's ten dudes in the room all black dudes in a small room like this and a folding table and I'm like if you're gonna have quite the afternoon I'm sure he's bringing Jazzy Jeff that counts 13 on my watch I know we just watched a movie he showed up he brought you a see Jeff we watched the movie and it was great at the end he was like what you think cause it was fantastic he's like no about the the guys I was like they're black and he's like no you've said you're a hip-hop fan that's cool Monty that's Biz Markie and I was like oh my god I could have [ __ ] Cody so yeah yeah is uh was a real entry into this business man Tapatio mm-hmm I eat this for breakfast so you're an oddball with a lot of quirks and one of the stranger things that you do is you leave these messes behind in hotel rooms which are actually these kind of mesmerizing artistic figures do you remember the first time you did that and why you know the first one is it was in San Antonio Texas and I did it because as I was leaving the room I looked at the room and I thought to myself if this maid has any insight she could figure out what I did in this room very quickly like there's a lotion by the bed there's a towel by the lotion how gross would that be to come in and be like oh great this guy just jacked off in here I tried to throw her off the trail from her finding I was masturbating and so I put a learning board and a pillow and I put pillows around the toilet and I put a spoon next to that like I like it just to try to confuse her and think what would the main thing and then the next one I did I put my shortening pillow in the in the refrigerator so when she open the refrigerator looked at there was a torso in the refrigerator yeah and this actually like looks like it requires some talent it really could be in a Contemporary Art Museum add some some artist came up to me it's like dude you're great composition I was like I don't mean oh the [ __ ] that means I get in these manic states ride you like five and night and I just like shoes by the under the curtain and like legs out of this table and then the lamp looks like et and then and then a mummy wrap to toilet paper on the bed and a toilet that looks like a snake and I just get I mean manic like a crazy person so this is a Yucatec Oh Caribbean habanero it's probably a little fruity a no-show so I'm birthda conquer you travel to all these amazing attractions you probably Bend every amusement park there is as a man child who's logged a lot of hours at those types of places are there things that you can do so you don't end up ruining a Saturday okay number one you have to get the Fastpass there's no questions about it gets Fast Pass it is a waste of money to go to an amusement park if you don't get there fast fast number two um as a dad dip out and have beers that's the most beautiful thing about an amusement park just dip out get a beer walk it off hop on a ride hey I'm gonna take a break another one get your cardio by doing the basketball game anytime you walk by that basketball thing and you see the kid on the basketball if you yell throw me the rock he passes it to you immediately he doesn't care don't just butch it unaggressive three-pointer throw me the rock just boom and then just ya the key to the hammer thing mm-hmm it's not power as this just hit it dead center in the center hit it solid cone and it hits it every time didn't know good to know you're ready to move on am i sweating through my shirt yet we're spotting a little yeah oh my god this shirts coming off there are very few people who are famous for partying it's like you and it's steve-o might have Tucker max that seems like the world's greatest job description but a difficult reputation to uphold when you're Burt the party guy and you go out on a Friday or Saturday night what's the worst thing about having to try to uphold that kind of reputation shots right cuz everyone always wants to buy you shots I get it like I totally get it but man I can only do so many shots no one offers me drugs no one offers me weed it's bits shots dude up and down shots I'll get a beer I'll go onstage for stand-up and I'll take a sip and nobody pound it I'm like I'm drinking for me like I'm the one that gets the buzz I don't worry I want it like I don't like sleeping sober not gonna [ __ ] go to my hotel room and like a person dead inside just close my eyes and go to bed yeah I'm gonna drink for me and I'll drink in my hotel room for me but like let me go on my own pace [Applause] so this one you already know it's the hot ones hot sauce this is your hot sauce we got you a bottle oh [ __ ] well we'll see how I like that as you probably know sometimes it's a little bit of a crutch that we have on hot ones we like to do deep dives on people's instagrams or and get a little bit more believable almost halfway through like I'm not I was like I was like I'm gonna have to I'm gonna definitely get it my I by that time is it everything you expected and more oh it's beyond it all right explain to me what's going on here we did a show called the condom Comedy Jam the guy to the far left my far left is Josh out of Meyers a taste show it's comics we go up we do stand-up and then we sing a song and that was my interpretation of Sun Temple Pilots because that's what's gonna stand out on this photos you see that everybody is wearing clothes yeah except for you birds see I take it I take it to the next level if you can if you look a little further into someone else's Instagram I'd Red Hot Chili Peppers two weeks ago with a sock on my [ __ ] you're just a performer and you're just committee hears you Annie Andrew W K yeah so two party icons here but in kind of different ways we were doing my buddy Mike Altos radio show in Tampa and I was doing I've wanted to party with Andrew W K forever and so I cracked a beer I was like let's drink it's like 8:00 in the morning he was like I gotta work out later you know party like that news like I mean I'll have a beer but I'm not I'm not partying right now and I was like so let down right he's not and he's not a party animal in the conventional sense no he's not like in like the alcoholic sense right like he's just a be just throws parties it's a philosophy brand he's a really smart guy too definitely but yeah that's me and him partying but I was partying he's shirtless yeah he was like why is your shirt off and I was like hold on these aren't questions partiers ask other partiers and one more for ya at the hobbit house yeah yeah we went down we did a for Travel Channel we did a thing with uh with Peter Jackson one of the most beautiful places in the world if you've got a 13-hour flight under your belt that's the place to go go to New Zealand go to Queenstown go to Hobbiton go to go to go to New Zealand that place is gorgeous that place is overwhelming how are you doing so far I'm doing really good this is the best tasting one I've had yet thank this has had the most kick mm-hmm well this will have the most game number six hi River rogue oh yeah oh [ __ ] it's on the back of my tongue mm-hmm we're on the sides of the back of my tongue mm-hmm yeah looking about raveling a really real when people travel they always say I want the local experience and you really took that to the next level when you became a de facto member of the Mafia on a class trip to Russia I know you've told the Machine routine 50,000 times so I'm not gonna ask you to do it again if you're a fan of birds though if you're a fan of our show you should check that out because it's a legendary story some people say it's the best story ever told even yeah but I want to know about a story of you traveling abroad that sort of goes under the radar flung dildos flying dildos I like where this is going yeah whoa man I really talked to my it's nice it's like it's like right there it's like an edible like it's not too much yet you know I mean but you know it's gone mm-hmm I was in Amsterdam when I was in college right after the Russian mob story as with my buddies and I saw signs head flying dildos I got guys we're getting tickets won't find dildos naturally and we go in to find dildos and it's a live sexually verb in the livestock show not a frog I'm very aggressive Furcal comes up and Jimmy n-- like I'm not big for play guy but total lack of or black kind of looks like an assault right and she just starts [ __ ] going yard and her put just Hong Kong and we're just like oh and she just I mean literally giving herself a gynecological exam in front of us and like oh that's her uvula and then she gets off more like that's not flying dildos and then two girls come on and then they start like making out and we're like no you can't go back in the story like we just watched it one fists herself you need to step it up ladies especially cuz you thought you were getting the headliner right off the blue want flying dildos and so I start talking to him and I'm like do you guys do flying dildos and like no beat it and then then like a girl comes out by herself with like I've already seen it in it and like you don't fly and dildos go then a guy comes out and the guys like then I'm it hard yet like I'm step up your game and he's do a crowd work he's like yeah you ready to see me [ __ ] and we know it's not flying Dilla's him and the girl and so I start heckling his dick and then he starts to fluff it and I'm like hey think about your mom he's like [ __ ] you and I was like you got a sister and he's like hey man I'm not cool and then he storms off and now I'm running the show I'm chanting we won't flying dildos and the place is going nuts they're stomping I'm like Barack Obama to these guys not yeah way before Barack Obama was even Brock Obama but like in Grant Park with the tearful goose Beach I'm up there like you want to change and then a woman comes out thigh high boots leather bikers cap medicine bag slams and down she goes gentlemen please I am flying dos the place goes [ __ ] bananas it's like it's like control room to NASA on Apollo 13 we're lighting cigarettes were high-fiving and she's like calm down I will need the one volunteer from the audience yeah so I get up there and I'm like I'm like not only am i I'm getting to see I'm a part of the show I'm part of flying dildos I'm up there with like getting ready to give a speech I didn't realize she puts a handcuff on me to put second handcuff on me now I'm locked and I'm looking her like this is moving really fat but real respects real and these guys see it my eyes and now they're seeing something real and they're like oh and I'm like now slow down guys like I go how do we do this and she's not joking swipes my legs knocks me on my back and knocks the wind out of me and I make that noise at home yeah as I'm doing that she rips my pants off me my dick falls out of my boxers I look at my best friend we - who is this close to me in the front row and I go poke it back in please and he's like I will not be doing that and then she stands above me and proceeds to xcalibur a 12-inch black dildo into my mouth you have a choice at that moment you can either try to block the shot purse your lips close your teeth possibly losing teeth in a foreign country right or you acquiesce and let her go yard in your jaw I chose the latter just just X just comb goes like eight inches back I'm gagging the winds knocked out of me my dicks out of my boxers I look like the very last unicorn and she goes gentlemen this is flying dildos get your cameras [Music] paying 100 yeah this is where we start tasting battery acid pain 100 to me is the worst tasting sauce I've ever had in my life and I've had like every hot sauce oh [ __ ] that mm-hmm right it doesn't taste like food mm-hmm it makes it taste like poison no it's right [ __ ] huh so in my opinion Loki one of the most underappreciated deep cable experiments who was hurt Burt oh look all right because it was great remember you tried out for an arena football team and you got shattered to a thousand pieces by blitzing linebackers who you did that thing where you tried to be a rodeo clown and you caught a full bowl right to the chest uh-huh what's the closest do you think you've ever been to death on camera oh right now no that was it just doesn't even taste good like yeah that's the point of food is you want it to set be summable I think uh probably without a doubt um the bull fighting that bull was it one of the most stupid things I've ever done in my life and I won't work with big animals like that ever again I went Adam and I went to go get in his nook and he didn't want it and then he broke my ribs broke my foot it feels good when you breathe in it hurts to talk like huh had a friend say tree poison with poison she's like bring red wine and I was like I don't know that sounds like a good idea that's bad advice horrible idea but yeah that my bull squared you up it knocked I mean that show is a brilliant concept it was ahead of its time you ready to move oh no do they get better no it gets worse that's how the show is designed Jesus Christ of these last three which is the best-tasting Mad Dog 357 okay I have something look forward to you ready yeah so I want to talk about the Burke cast and podcasting in general because it seems to be this whole community where these comedians the cross-pollinating they're appearing on each other shows but I know from talking to a lot of comedians but there's also a lot of jealousy and a lot of backstabbing in that community do you think that the podcast has helped to bring the comedy community together or do you think having these guys shooting the [ __ ] in a very lacks chill environment or they're telling anecdotes and stories oftentimes involving other famous people do you think that it's further fractured comedy community oh [ __ ] never does water oh I got all that juice down my throat podcasting in the very beginning oh my god I feel like I'm just in a closet talking to myself if we every one just talk [ __ ] you don't even realize you talk [ __ ] he's just talking [ __ ] normal sudden someone calls you and they're like guy man that's what you think I mean you're like I didn't know you heard that a literal podcast one time I talk [ __ ] about TJ Miller who I like and then he was on a show he's called me and he was like whoa just like that I was like I don't know I was high I was high and if I didn't mean it and he was like with her mighty thing I was like no and then he was just like I was rocky jetty and I was like ah yeah I really agree and uh holy god I'm like euphoric right now mm-hmm and I really loved TJ and the thing that sucks is my kids love his movies and I like his movies and then all the sudden for like you mean it matters I think I'm I said [ __ ] something about Chris D'Elia the other day and I like Chris but I don't know the [ __ ] I said I was just talking to somebody and then someone said something I don't disagree and then then you go oh [ __ ] I really like Chris I hope he's not mad I don't know what the [ __ ] I said I'm not gonna back and listen to podcast I like D'Elia I like TJ look maybe I'm jealous with them I don't [ __ ] know okay but like they're really good guys [ __ ] me what do you do with that one I was about to eat it well we're gonna next one hmm I just take my shirt off just for a second yeah go ahead it's like I'm [ __ ] I got it I got a Mike I know you're doing we got a boom I've been doing the television for seven years we got this you look great yeah I've lost uh lost a lot of weight yeah cuz you get your in that whole thing with Tom it's a fat shaming thing that my fatter friend picked to do [ __ ] a lot of questions were answered in the show sometimes I was like I didn't think he took a big enough bite and I'm like oh it took plenty so all comedians have to deal with hecklers but as somebody you know who does the stand-up with his shirt off is the party guy the rager my guess is that you stir up crowds in a way that's kind of unique and probably cause scenes that are a little more chaotic than your average comedian I was in Miami these three gangbangers up front were heckling the host so bad she started crying when the next guy had thin hair and his hair was matted down and he was emotional I asked the manager if they could ex corde him out things like we can't they have weapons I was like how am I supposed to deal with them and he's like I'm gingerly I guess so I went out I was like a little trick but you ask them questions you already have a joke for set him up yeah and it's going really glowingly schedule loving me so I turn to my left to tell a joke I run the big the blackest guy of them all gets on stage names ray gets on stage he's like there's a real [ __ ] on stage it's what we paid to see a real [ __ ] you know real [ __ ] get in the 305 and everyone's like curious I'm praying I don't get shot and he takes his dick out then it's massive he goes respect so your [ __ ] son and I was like what he's like show yo [ __ ] and I was like I'm not gonna take my dick out after that like happily I better learn it before but not now right and I think it's illegal and I go n ray I don't know why I remember his name I go ray you may want to leave I'm sure they're gonna call the cops right and he's like good lookin out and he gets offstage how do you follow that and I look at his friends with dreadlocks in the face tattoo and he just stands up slowly I go please say was another dick and he gets on stage and he opens his hands just he's like you're a real [ __ ] man that's what you get and he shows his dick now as dark is raised but it's just as big like it's a [ __ ] hog and I'm like and I go holy crap and he's going he's a good-looking dude to show the women are into it the guys were amazed and I go that's fantastic he's like show yo [ __ ] son and I go I'm definitely not after you - yeah and I go and you may want to go catch up with Riggs they're definitely called the cops by now right now he's that good lookin out he gets off I swear to you on my children they're hanging out with a hairless albino and so I go as so funny out of all the dicks yours is the only one I want to see and everyone laughs and he looks at me and he stands up slowly and he walks up on stage and he drops his pants to his ankles and it looks like a [ __ ] lighthouse I mean it is like white like white no hair it like just like a lighthouse a beacon and people are flipping over [ __ ] tables they're like holy [ __ ] and he just raises his hand and I look at them and I go that's my show and I just dropped the mic and walked off you can't follow a now I don't got anywhere from that you can't follow an albino [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] so I know that I know the tradition you know what's up as we've talked about this whole time you're one of our day one fans we've been trying to work this out for so long and finally you're here and when that happens it's a great thing but it's also kind of a bad thing because in some way you have to be a little let down by your experience here you have to be disappointed in some way it's probably something you were hoping I'd ask you about that I didn't or some way that you thought it was gonna go that it didn't I wanted to take a bite reflect and if you were to do this differently and what ways are you disappointed in hot ones now that you're here okay I might be the best question is fast okay ready cause like I'm feels like I'm chewing up Tylenol mm-hmm oh [ __ ] me oh [ __ ] me oh not this isn't good this isn't good oh right and then I really didn't think I'd throw up but you might garbage can no no no no let it happen no ah it's just a taste I can feel it I can just feel it I'm feel it in the back of my throat just give you it Oh like you it do you feel it how what did you repeat what do you put your Z to go down your throat yeah throat something that's making a feel not so good it's a milk bitter yeah try something you know you don't have like a good bedside manner you're freaking me out man you're freaking me out I'm freaking out because I'm freaking out as I'm visiting my throat what are you most disappointed by how did we let you down Bert another beer I thought you definitely have beer for me and I could write off getting drunk too working oh [ __ ] dude it's just it's see if you can hear it in the background I hope no I think it might be a run it's similar it's all my teeth I think if you just maybe stop provoking it I didn't bring it back down to earth and or handle your high okay I feel good you feel good I feel good and you've reached the finish line write it Shawn Burt this is fantastic this is exactly everything I planned like definitely my nose definitely my eyes all on my cheeks definitely a part of you but you made it through and you know what that means what's up 30-second plug we really we really go the extra mile for you because you went the extra mile for us Berg my Showtime special airs in October or November of this year it's called the machine follow me on YouTube holy [ __ ] oh my god I'm feeling like I'm gonna pass out um find the on tour go to Burt Burt Burt calm stand-up comedy until the end of the year oh my god my sinuses just opened they just went right an old lady walked in the door [Music] you

Channel: First We Feast

Views: 10,378,500

Keywords: First we feast, fwf, firstwefeast, food, food porn, cook, cooking, chef, kitchen, recipe, cocktail, bartender, craft beer, complex, complex media, Cook (Profession), Bert Kreischer, interview, hot wings, spicy wings, hot sauce, 10 questions, peakbert, comedian, hot ones, bert the machine

Id: 1B9cdcjI2_U

Length: 25min 34sec (1534 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 01 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/bowdarky]

The Machine on Hot Ones... everything I have ever wanted.

[u/wab1300]

Really though anyone into these videos...

Buy hot ones hot sauce. It's fucking great. A good heat and fruity. (If you are allergic to pineapple don't follow the advice above)

It does taste great though

[u/JrNoho]

But why is he so fat? Knowwhatimsayin?

[u/Humbabwe]

There is clearly some sort of inside joke I'm not in on so I'll do what I always do in this situation and laugh awkwardly just off screen.

[u/xyloc]

I don't think anyone has actually stopped to really consider questioning the reasons why this man is so eye-wateringly fat. No wonder he was disowned by the Chrysler family.

Take your allergy meds and go knit giraffe shirts, Burnt! Bert is great! ...and fat. High and tight, Jeans!

[u/LemonyFresh]

This will always be my favourite Bert Kreischer video:

https://youtu.be/qBWvyld6OMw?t=1m15s

[u/helimx]

Any time I click on a video in this sub and it's over 10 minutes I usually nope right out. But, Bert. Heard a few stories I didn't know, found a YouTube channel I didn't really know, so all in all I've been watching people eat hot ass wings for 2 hours. I should probably go do something with my life

[u/JohnnySprockets]

Of course this Kresler fellow knows how to clean a chicken wing.

[u/[deleted]]

They call him Ducktape.