Pansy: Merlin, what is even with you nowadays? P: You can't even say mudblood anymore? Draco: I mean, yeah, of course, you can I'm just saying don't call... Granger mudblood. D: She is a prefect just like us and she... D: She's okay. P: I feel like you're supposed to be on my side in things- in situations like these P: and not land me in detention, P: which is the first time, I might add. My clean record is broken now. D: I'm sorry about that, I just got a little heated and... D: It's the... D: ...pureblood blood, you know. P: Goodness. D: Well, we'll just get this over with. We're never going to detention again. D: I'm not going to put you in this situation again. P: You promise that? D: I promise. P: Well, so... P: What are we supposed to do here? There's no one here. P: You do this all the time, so-? D: I'm not always in detention. P: You keep missing the Prefects' meeting all the time. P: We're supposed to be a team in this but... D: I know and I'm sorry about that, too. I just have other things to do as well. D: Important things. P: Mysterious man, you. D: Well, I am a Malfoy. D: Well, this is some kind of detention thing. D: Professor Dumbledore is on whatever mission or whatever he does- D: You know how he is. P: He's also a mysterious man. D: Yeah in the wrong ways. D: So he leaves us with this device, records us D: and then watches it afterwards to see if we actually completed the- the mission he gave us. P: That is so odd! D: I know it's- it's off-putting almost. P: Yeah. D: But you- I've... gotten used to it I guess. D: But he-
P: Well an odd man does odd things P: I suppose.
D: Yes. D: He leaves instructions and we follow the instructions. D: They're usually not that weird, D: but... sometimes they are. P: I'm almost nervous now. D: Yeah, I'm always nervous. D: Okay, so this is some kind of- D: We take a note and on the note, there will be three names. D: We will decide which of the names we would wed, bed and send to Azkaban. P: What? A game? D: Yeah, it's- it looks like it and we have to answer honestly D: to learn that... D: sometimes you... I don't know what this is... D: Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good or whatever, I don't know. D: It's-
P: It's some sort of Dumbledor-y lesson. D: Yeah... some- some sort of Dumbledor-y lesson.
P: I'm sure. D: I don't know what- He usually wants us to learn something but we never do. P: Well, I guess it could be- What? Scrubbing the trophy room or P: wandering the Forbidden Forest. D: Yes. This- this is... preferable. P: Yeah, it could be- it could be fun, maybe? D: Yes. Um, who- Do you want to start? P: I'll start.
D: Yes. P: All right, what was it? Wed, bed, behead? No! D: No, sent to Azkaban.
P: Okay. P: That is preferable I think. D: I would think so too. D: You have a slight chance of living afterwards.
P: Mm-hmm. P: Let's see here, Colin Creevey, P: Dean Thomas, Dunce- Justin Finch-Fletchley. P: Who? P: Colin Creevey, who's that? D: Isn't- isn't that the- the small kid D: The- the younger one that always follows after Potter. P: Oh! The one with a big camera!
D: Yes. P: I remember him.
D: He's... kinda creepy. P: Goodness! Yeah, Colin Creepy.
D: Yes. D: Yes.
P: So let's see here... P: Justin is such a... stuck-up. I don't really care for him, but P: Hmm P: I must say, Dean Thomas is a looker D: Yes. P: Ooh...
D: But isn't he a- D: A muggle-born ? P: You know what? P: You know what? P: I'm not exactly sure but... P: I know for one thing, I will send Colin Creevey to Azkaban. D: Yes!
P: Yes. D: He has probably done something to... P: Ah ! Yes, following people with a big... muggle camera around.
D: ...earn him that place. P: And then... P: I... wouldn't want Justin Finch Fletchley along for... a longer ride, let's put it like that. D: It's true, it's true.
P: So... P: Bed him, I guess and then... I will wed Dean Thomas. D: Yes!
P: For his... good looks. D: I can support that.
P: Yes. D: Yes. He doesn't seem to have much of a personality. P: No, um, I admit I've never talked to him personally but uh... P: I'll get to know him once we are wed. D: Yes.
P: Yeah. D: Or maybe just keep him in a room. P: Oh, yeah.
D: Yes. Yes. P: You go, Draco. D: My turn then. D: Professor Snape, Professor Lockhart or Professor Lupin. P: Ooh, you've got quite the gang here. D: I do. I mean, this is pretty easy though. D: I mean professor Lupin... Azkaban of course. P: Yeah ooh.
D: Worthless teacher. P: The worst. D: Lockhart... P: Hmm...
D: Well, he's also a looker. P: Yes, admittedly.
D: Yes. D: And he is famous. P: But is there a lot going on in the brain department? D: I don't think so.
P: No. D: But he has something to his name. P: He has the influence.
D: Yes. P: And the hair.
D: Yes. D: Severus Snape.
P: Hm, yeah. D: I mean I do respect him throroughly. P: Yeah, yes.
D: Yes. P: It's hard. He's more like a- Like a father figure.
D: Yes. P: Like a stern, evil father.
D: Yes. D: Well, I guess that if- I would bed Lockhart.
P: Mm-hmm. D: I could marry Professor Snape.
P: Yes. P: He has the right values.
D: Yes. He has the right values. D: And he is an honourable man. P: True.
D: And we do not need to... D: ...do anything else than to wed?
P: Right. P: Right.
D: Yes. D: So that that could be a very responsible choice, I think.
P: Yes. P: Good one. Wow, I'm getting into this now.
D: Yes. P: Goodness, yes. Okay.
D: This is quite fun. P: Got some more fellow students here. P: Anthony Goldstein. D: Prefect.
P: Yes. P: Hannah Abbott. D: Also a Prefect, right? P: I think so. I don't keep track of them that much.
D: Yes. D: I don't either. P: Uh and then Ron Weasley. We know him.
D: Yes. D: He's also a Prefect, right?
P: Oh, yeah. Yes. P: I suppose he is.
D: Yes. P: I don't know what that decision was about, but- D: I'm pretty sure that no one knows why- P: Yeah.
D: Yes. P: This is a tough one. P: There's not enough Slytherins in this batch.
D: Yeah. D: We've had one so far.
P: Yeah. P: I will... Ron Weasley, he's such a pain in the butt sometimes. P: So damn loyal.
D: Yes. P: He will... P: You know what? I think I'll send him to Azkaban. Yes. P: That would, uh-
D: Just for kicks? P: Yeah just for the heck of it. And... P: Hannah, hmm... P: Goodness! P: I guess I could marry Anthony D: Yes. Yes.
P: For appearances. Yeah. P: And uh-
D: He seems to have a future. P: Yes, I think so. He's a good student from what I recall.
D: Yes. D: Yes. Ravenclaw.
P: Yes. P: He's got a head on his shoulders.
D: Yes. P: And then I will bed Hannah Abbott. D: Yes.
P: Admittedly I haven't talked that much to her either. D: No, I don't really remember her face. P: No, I'm just gonna have to guess that it looks good and uh-
D: Yes. P: You don't need to know a person to bed them, right? D: That's very true. Yes.
P: Mm-hmm. P: All right. Your turn.
D: Okay. My turn. D: I don't want this-
P: Oh! D: Lucius Malfoy, D: Molly Weasley, D: Xenophilius Lovegood. D: Isn't that Luna Lovegood's father? P: Must be. Oh he's the editor-
D: The one- D: Yes for the the upside down-
P: Yes. D: Thing.
P: The... P: The Squabbler? P: The...
D: Scribbler? P: Something like that. Yeah.
D: Yes. P: Oh goodness.
D: A so-called magazine. P: This is a tough one for you, Draco.
D: Yes. P: I mean-
D: Oh wow. I mean- D: Xenophilius Lovegood would probably fit right in in Azkaban. P: Oh for sure.
D: Yes. D: There would be no... D: ...large... D: There wouldn't be much-
P: No damage taken. D: Yes. Much of a-
P: He's already a pretty P: eccentric figure.
D: Yeah. D: Yes.
P: I mean, if we are to P: judge on how Luna Lovegood is.
D: Yes. P: She must have gotten it from someone.
D: Yes. D: I wonder what house he was. D: He can't have been a Ravenclaw. P: Gosh. But I was shocked the younger Lovegood P: was a Ravenclaw as well, so-
D: Yes, but maybe from the mother. P: Oh, yeah.
D: Maybe from the mother. P: True.
D: Yes. D: Molly Weasley.
P: Mm-hmm. D: And my father.
P: Oh. P: I mean, that would be taking marrying into the family a bit too... P: close, don't you think?
D: Yes. D: I guess I will change it to sending Molly Weasley to Azkaban. P: Alright.
D: They are blood traitors. P: And she can join her son.
D: Yes.Yes. P: A nice reunion.
D: We can collect the whole family there. P: Oh yes.
D: Yes. D: Then I will probably... D: ...marry my father? P: Yeah, well, it will be better at than bedding him, I suppose. D: Yes, and and then some strange bedding with the Lovegood. P: I don't even want to imagine it.
D: No. P: Well... D: We will leave that-
P: I applaud you. P: That was a tough decision.
D: Thank you. Thank you. That that was horrible. P: Alright, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood and Cho Chang. P: Hmm. P: Well, we just had the father. Now it's the daughter's turn.
D: Yes. P: Goodness. Two Ravenclaws, one Gryffindor. P: Well, at least there's no Hufflepuff.
D: Yes. P: Gosh... D: The Longbottom one is pretty useless at magic, isn't he?
P: Mm-hm. Yes. P: He's practically a Squib. P: So yeah, I will I will throw him in Azkaban.
D: Yes. P: Yeah.
D: Yes. P: And then, as for Lovegood and Chang... P: Goodness. P: You don't really want to be associated with the Lovegood... sort, do you?
D: No. D: I don't think so. Not in the long haul. P: No. No, so I believe... P: Luna Lovegood, yes. I will bed her.
D: Yes. P: I can't believe I'm saying that, but- P: And then I will marry Cho Chang. She is a very promising Quidditch player, I must say. D: That's true. P: And she'd look good on my side. Yes. P: Mm-hm.
D: She would. D: She is a looker. Yes.
P: She is. D: Okay. D: Why do I get these? D: Rita Skeeter, Dolores Umbridge or Cornelius Fudge. P: Oh God.
D: Well, I guess- D: Wed Cornelius Fudge.
P: Yes. D: He is- Yes.
P: Prospects. D: Minister of Magic.
P: Mm-hm. P: Yes, that would be quite good for you actually. D: Yes, that would be very good.
P: Yes. D: Yes.
P: If only he was- what? P: Twenty years younger and-
D: He is uh- D: What's it called? A widower.
P: Oh! P: Well then!
D: So the prospect of that that is there. D: Rita Skeeter or Dolores Umbridge? D: Ritia Skeeter does write some vile things.
P: Mm-hmm. P: There's no honour in her profession.
D: No. No. D: So I guess, Rita Skeeter to Azkaban.
P: Mm-hmm. D: And then, with a blindfold, Dolores Umbridge. P: Bedding Dolores Umbridge? D: Do you have anything better?
P: Is that really what you want to do? D: Do you want to send Dolores Umbridge to Azkaban? P: I mean... P: Not really, no.
D: No. D: She also has very good values. D: We want her to stay put in the ministry.
P: Yeah. D: Yes.
P: Yes. Oh God. D: Why do I get the ugly ones? P: Although that Skeeter lady was quite fun when she wrote about... P: Potter and the lot during the Triwizard Tournament.
D: Oh yes. P: That was quite fun. D: The love thing between him and Granger. P: Those were the days.
D: Yes. P: Okay. Crabbe, Goyle or Zabini. D: Oh. P: Okay, I know I wished for Slytherins but P: I'm starting to regret it.
D: All of them. P: Oh well. P: Zabini, undoubtedly the most good-looking one. D: Oh, yes.
P: Yeah. P: Crabbe and Goyle, I know you value them as friends, but I have to say- P: They are-
D: Friends, subjects... P: Okay. Yes. Yeah, they are stupid.
D: Yes. They are. P: We can all say it. Um... P: Hmm. P: Crabbe and Goyle. P: Yeah, no, I will send Crabbe to Azkaban. D: Yes.
P: He's rude. Uh- P: I don't like him. D: He doesn't know his place, really.
P: No. No. P: And uh- P: Oh, this is so hard. P: Zabini... P: No, because I would have to look at him for the longest then I guess I will wed Zabini. D: Yes. P: Uh... and P: I would bed Goyle. It's a one-time thing. D: Yes. You can forget about it.
P: That doesn't leave- P: That doesn't leave this room. Okay?
D: Yes. P: He would never live it down. D: We'll never see him again. P: Okay.
D: Good. P: I'll have to cleanse myself after this.
D: Oh yes. D: Ooh, I got a good one. D: Viktor Krum,
P: Ooh! D: Cedric Diggory,
P: Even better. D: Or Fleur Delacour.
P: Okay. D: This is hard because I don't really want to send any of them to Azkaban. P: They were good champions.
D: They were very good champions. D: I would think that... D: Cedric Diggory... would probably be on the wrong side. P: Yes.
D: Yes. D: So probably to Azkaban just for precautions. P: God rest his soul. D: I will probably marry Viktor Krum. D: Yes P: Famous- World famous Quidditch player.
D: Yes P: He was in the Triwizard Tournament.
D: Yes. D: Quiet.
P: Yes. D: Very good. A looker. P: Agreed.
D: Yes. D: Fleur Delacour. D: Pretty.
P: Mm-hmm. D: Has a head on her. P: Yes.
D: Yes. P: I mean, you must be something in order to be picked by the Goblet. D: Yes.
P: So- D: Sometimes, anyway.
P: Yeah. D: So I guess bed Fleur Delacour. P: Yeah.
D: Yes. D: Could have a nice night.
P: Seems like the right choice. Yes. D: Yes. P: For one night only.
D: Yes. P: Alrighty. P: Oh, this is a Weasley special. Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley and Percy Weasley. P: Percy, uh- A Head Boy. D: Yes.
P: Right? P: Ron, of course, he's a Prefect, but- Yeah. P: Well, I already sent Ron to Azkaban so let's just do it again. P: Off you go, Weasley.
D: Yes. D: Isn't Percy Weasley... Hasn't he-? D: Isn't he in the Ministry right now?
P: Right. P: That's true. He's going places.
D: Yeah. P: That's true.
D: Yes. P: This changes things. Okay. Yes. I will marry Percy Weasley. D: Yes. P: And as for Ginny Weasley... P: Yes, I- Yeah, I guess I'll have to bed her. P: Yeah. P: Blood trators, all of them, of course, but- P: It will have to do.
D: Yes. P: Hmm. Yeah.
D: Yeah. D: Okay. D: Okay.
P: Mm-hmm? D: Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore or Pansy Parkinson. P: Ooh! This is interesting! P: Goodnes. P: Did Dumbledore write these? D: He has to have, right?
P: Yeah, hmm. D: Hmm.
P: That man. P: Well Albus Dumbledore he is- He's quite old. P: He's gonna die soon anyway probably so just send him off to Azkaban. P: And I mean, you and I... P: We- We've already got our stuff going on so- P: That leaves you with bedding Potter. D: Yes.
P: Or keeping on bedding Potter, I should say. D: Uh- Wha- D- D: No- We- Uh- P: Come on, Draco. Don't insult my intelligence. P: I've known for weeks.
D: Um... D: And you're not angry? P: No... Well, I'm furious that you got me into detention. P: For the first time, I might add. P: But I can't blame you for wanting to tap that. P: He's pretty fit if you're into the sporty type. D: You're into the sporty type. D: I'm the sporty type. P: You're the dramatic type. P: You only play Quidditch so people can watch you. D: So I guess the betrothal is off? P: What for? D: Well, because I'm- D: I'm, you know- P: So what? So is my cousin's father. P: He and my aunt haven't had a proper marriage in 15 years P: and who cares what's goes on behind closed doors P: and with who, as long as appearances are kept up? P: And they produced two legitimate heirs and then they could go their separate ways. D: Well, is that- D: Would you be happy with a life like that? P: Well I've gotten used to the idea. D: You've- In a few weeks you've gotten used to the idea of living in a loveless marriage? P: God, no. No, I've known how it is since fourth year. D: Since fourth year? I didn't know in fourth year. P: That's because you're a dunce. P: If you'd have seen the way you looked at Potter on the Yule Ball night, you would have known too. P: And I know you were looking at Potter because I looked way better than Patil that night. D: True. P: But it's okay, I promise. P: Just please keep a low profile. P: And do you want a piece of honest advice? D: What is it? P: I hope for your sake that this is just a bit of fun P: because I would hate for you to get hurt, believe it or not. D: Why would I get hurt? P: Well, love tends to do that to you. P: And especially if the object of your affection is the Chosen One P: when... you yourself have alliances... someplace else. P: Exactly. P: Be careful Draco. P: You can't go around defending Mudbloods to children of Death Eaters. P: Crabbe and Goyle might be stupid as trolls, but even they will understand something is going on. D: Yeah, I'll try to be more careful. P: Hermione Granger, Millicent Bulstrode, Luna Lovegood. P: I like Cho Chang better. D: Let's go.
P: Let's go.
