Ron: ......with Dumbledore. Harry: Actually Ron: He finally showed up. Harry: So, my name is Harry. I am 16 years old and I've forgotten how many times I've ended up in detention at this point. Do you know? Ron: Nope. Harry: But today we've been tasked with the lovely task of answering any and all questions truthfully, or as truthfully as possible, that you guys might have and that's actually our detention, so... Ron: Thanks, Dumbledore! Harry: Go nuts I suppose. Ron: Yes, so you can shout out your questions. Raise your hand first. Harry: Or we have a microphone. Yeah, that's been magically amplified so we can hear you. Can you hear us when we talk like this?
(Yes) Harry: Okay, great. Perfect. Ron: Let us know otherwise Harry: Yes precisely. We're trying to- Hermione: We also have some muggle magic. Does anybody know what Twitter is? Anyone?
(Yes) Hermione: Okay, some muggles. Great. Harry: Okay. Yes, we have one over here. (Harry, can I see you hug Draco Malfoy?) (Can I see you two hug?) Ron: Wow! That's brutal, mate. Harry: Starting out with one of those, I see. Draco: That's not a question. Hermione: Well, "can I see you hug?" is actually a question, yes. Draco. No. No, you can't. Harry: See. I don't have consent, apparently, and that's very important. So, sorry. It's not up to me. Hermione: Question. (Yes, Draco. If you were forced to dye your hair any colour of the rainbow, which colour would you dye it?) Draco: Well, not red. (Can you repeat the question?) Ron: Wouldn't suit you anyway! Harry: The question was "which colour would Mr. Malfoy dye his hair?" And the answer was "not red." That's not the answer to the question. I would probably die my hair silver. (That's not in the rainbow)
(Oh, come on!) You don't know my rainbow! Harry: Uh, yes? (Hermione, do you have a favourite spell?) Hermione: Oh, my favourite spell? Oh! This is gonna take a while. Well, nostalgia wise, I might say alohamora because it's very convenient. You know, it comes in handy. It has saved us a few times. Harry: Yeah Hermione: I remember. Yeah, I'm gonna go with that. (Harry, what did you do with the tiny dragon that you got?) Harry: It lives in my room and chews on Ron's socks. I don't understand what it sees in them but- It has horrible taste. Ron: You borrow my socks all the time. Harry: Okay. Well, it's better than my uncle's socks so- The hand over here... (Can you give a compliment to the person on your left that you actually mean?) Hermione: Oh, oh. Uh... Erm.... Ron, you are very trustworthy and I like that about you. Ron: Hear that? Trustworthy! Erm...Harry, uh... You're a really nice bloke, um.... And you don't snore. I really appreciate that. And, uh.... Yeah, I mean, you're my best friend.... I...... Harry: Okay, thanks, mate. I don't snore. Harry: Green IS your colour! Draco: Wow. Harry: I suppose Draco: Draco, Harry: I don't think that counts. Draco: What? I have no one here. That's on my right. (Why don't you go in a circle?) Draco: I bet your hair is very useful when falling off a broom. Hermione: That's not a compliment! Draco: Could be.... Hermione: I don't fly, so... (Narcissa: Draco, darling) Draco: Thank you... Thank you, mother. Ron: And I thought MY mum was mad! Harry: No, no, no. Eat your vegetables- Draco: I'll do that in a while. Harry: We have a question. Hermione: ....muggle magic questions.
Harry: Ooh! Hermione: So, both are for Draco actually. Firstly, has Draco ever tried McDonald's? Draco: What's McDonald's? Is it like it's some kind of cannibalism or- Hermione: No. It's a hamburger chain. So basically yes. Harry: Follow up question: Have you ever tried a hamburger? Ron: Dude! You haven't lived! Draco: I've tried ham. Harry: That's not-
Ron: Oh no no.
Hermione: No. Harry: He's a lost cause. Hermione: And secondly, Draco, why are you so mean to everyone in Gryffindor? Draco: Because Gryffindors are lame. Seriously, they just jump into danger because they want to for some reason??? And they don't even think about anything at all. It's just air up there. So it's like- What is there to like and to be nice to? It's basically being a nice to a wall. Hermione: I'm not even gonna comment on that because we all know this isn't air, so- It's hair. (Uh, this is for Harry.) (If you were sorted into Slytherin, do you think you would have made a better relationship with Malfoy?) Harry: Um...
Draco: If he was actually accepted into Slytherin- Harry: Accepted? It's not like they have high standards! Draco: We have the highest standards of all of- Of everything! Of the world, basically. Ron: And he turned them down.
Harry: Yep. Ron: Because of you! Harry: Um... I actually knew this one before I even got to school. Or, well- I'd met him. And that was the reason I didn't want to get in Slytherin. Draco: You made a big mistake. (What is your opinion on Newt Scamander?) Hermione: He's a brilliant mind, a brilliant writer- Ron: Yeah, his book doesn't bite. Hermione: Also, it's full of really good content.
Ron: Yeah. Hermione: And it doesn't bite.
Ron: He seems pretty cool. Harry: Yeah. Yeah.
Hermione: Yeah. Harry: So, yeah. Ron: My brother is a big fan of him. (Which one?) Ron: Charlie. Harry: You can't just say "my brother..." Draco: You have like a million of them. Ron: At least I have brothers! (Draco, what's in your bag?) Draco: What bag? (All of them.) Draco: This one?
(Yeah.) Draco: Two apples and a banana. Harry: So you like apples? Draco: Well, yes. They're very nutritious. Apples might actually be my favourite fruit. Harry: Now we have the answer to that question. (How is the LGBTQ representation at Hogwarts?) Draco: What's LGBTQ? Hermione: Yeah, it's not very good actually. I wish it was better. Harry: Maybe that's your next group. Hermione: I'm not sure I'm the right person to start it, but maybe. Draco: But what is it? Like, a group for candy or something like that? Ron: Is it a class? Do you get a diploma or something- Hermione: No. We'll talk about it later, Ron. Harry: Any more questions? Hermione: We actually have one from Ginny, apparently. She asks: Ron, who is your favourite sibling? Harry: Ron, this is a trick question. Don't answer it. Ron: No, it's okay. The others have graduated. Ginny is my favourite sibling! Harry: Ginny is my favorite sibling too. Wait, I mean out of his siblings. Oh, hang on. No, no, no. He's my favourite! Hermione: There actually was a follow up question: Who's your favourite Weasley? So, um....
Harry: Ron!!!! Ron: Save yourself!!!! (I was just thinking a bit about the Yule Ball.) (McGonagall is teaching the Gryffindors how to dance.) (Does that meant that Snape taught the Sytherins?) Draco: Most of us in Slytherin are pure-bloods. We learn how to waltz from birth. Harry: Is that true, Ron? You are a pure-blood, right? Ron: Yeah. Harry: Okay. So...? Ron: I mean, we might have had a dancing lesson or two back at home. Harry: But you didn't dance during the Yule Ball at all. Ron: Well, just because you have lessons doesn't mean that you are naturally good at it. Besides, I only had my brothers to dance with so... It's basically their fault. Harry: So that means you only learned to dance the girls' part. Hermione: Or maybe they did. But- Yeah. Look at him. That's obviously what happened. Harry: There's nothing wrong with that, Ron. Hermione: Someone dared Draco and Harry to switch robes. But I think it's very very warm in here. I don't think we should be wearing our robes, actually. But you can switch- I don't know- Harry: We can switch ties. Shall we switch ties? Draco: Fine. Hermione: Sweaty ties. Mmm. Harry: It's kind of a little bit sweaty. Hermione: "Hermione, if it wasn't for Draco's personality, would you find him attractive? I think you'd make a cute couple." No. Not even if he had a better personality. Harry: Not even if he HAD a personality. Hermione: Not even if he had a personality, no. That's just not my thing at all, actually. *laughing to herself* Oh, sorry. Yeah, on the subject, Malfoy, um.... Wait, I lost it. There. Should swear but, fuck marry kill with the golden trio. That's us, I suppose? And you're not allowed to kill everybody. Thank you for that criteria. But you have to kill one of us. Draco: Well, obviously being the only female, Hermione. Well spotted! Draco: I'd have to marry..... that. I would kill the Weasley because we don't need that many. Ron: Oh thank god. Hermione: I thought you would marry the pure-blood, because he's a pure-blood, so- Ron: But I can't give him any children.
Draco: Yeah, but we can't have children. Hermione: No, but are you sure you want my children? Because I do not want yours. Draco: Obviously they will be smart enough to get into government. Hermione: Well- Draco: I mean, who knows what happens with the mind when you mix with a Weasley? Ron: We're pure-bloods. We're basically related. You know that, right? Harry: Exactly. But, that means..... Draco: Well, you could use a pity fuck. Harry: Excuse me? (You're already sharing clothes, so...) Ron: You're halfway there anyway. Hermione. Okay- Harry: We have more questions. Hermione: We have more hands in the air. *quietly* Like you just don't care. No. Uh- Harry: Put your hands in the air- Hermione: Pick one. I can't- (Okay. Draco, would you care to maybe show off your dancing skills?) Ron: Yeah, Draco. Would you care to show off your dancing skills? Draco: No! I did that at our last detention thing here. Ron: You can see it on YouTube. Draco: Yes. (Draco, who is your best friend?) Ron: Who's your best friend? Harry: Who IS your best friend? Ron: Do you have any friends? Draco: I have two. Harry: He has minions. Draco: No, Crabbe and Goyle are my very good friends. We have grown up together. Harry: But Pansy... Draco: She's not a friend! She's a girl! Hermione: "Can the golden trio-" (That's us!) "-have a group hug?" (Awwww) Yeah, we can because we actually like each other as friends. (Awwwww) Harry: We are very warm. Hermione: But it was very nice because we are friends who like each other.....you know.... Draco: I have friends!
(I think he feels lonely. Hug him too!) Hermione: No.
Draco: What? (I think he feels lonely. Hug him too!) Ron: You have to tweet it in. Hermione: Yeah, tweet it in if you have a question. Harry: Muggle magic! Ron: Yeah. Harry: Otherwise it doesn't count. Ron: Yeah, nope. Nope. (Yeah, this is a dare) (So, I dare you to hold hands with the person on your left.) Harry: Sorry?
Hermione: Oh! (I dare you to hold hands with the person on your left.) Harry: So that's- Well, we're friends so it's not a big deal. (Erm.....) (You missed one!) Draco: That's not my left. (No, but it's Harry's left.) (So he has to do it.) Hermione: Oh, come on. Come on! Really? Ron: You're gonna give us more detention. Hermione: Yeah, please. I'm not gonna hold Draco's hand, so- Are we done? You kind of have sweaty- Harry: We have another question in the back. (Uh, yes. This is kind of like one of the first ones.)
Harry: You have very sweaty hands, Ron! (Show us your favourite dance moves. Your best dance moves.) Harry: Favorite dance moves? Ron: Best and favourite can be two very different things. Harry: So, Draco. Show off your dance moves. Draco: No! I don't want to. You can't make me. No! I don't want to! Harry: So which- Which one am I? And now what- Hermione: Wait, what? (Draco, how do you feel about Dumbledore's obvious favouritism of Gryffindor?) Draco: Oh, I think he should be fired! Sorry, but favouritism is not professional
Harry: Wow! *clears throat* Snape! Draco: He's not a headmaster! Hermione: Thankfully! Harry: But Professor Dumbledore doesn't assign points .....most of the time. Hermione: Yeah, sometimes he does. Draco: Like, "100 points to Gryffindor!" Ron: It happened, like, once. Twice. Harry: Maybe six times. Ron: Maybe one time in every year. Harry: Yeah. *ahem* And completely fair too. Hermione: Not that one. It's- No. I'm gonna not do any dares that apply to me because I'm holding this phone. Ron: That's cheating! Harry: That's cheating.
Hermione: No! It's not!
Harry: That is cheating. Hermione: You can read it and see if you wanna do it. Ron: Pffft... *snorts* Hermione: Exactly! Harry: Come on. Come on. Come on. I can read this. Ron: No! No! No! Harry: *ahem* "I dare Ron to kiss Hermione on the cheek." (Awww) Hermione: Totally- No. Really? Okay.... Harry: *chanting* Do it! Do it! (Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!)
Hermione: No! (Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!) Ron: Pfft! Hermione: You want to see a dare again? Ron: Uh, fine. Hermione: "I dare Ron to slap Malfoy as a self defense for the Weasleys." And he jumps up! Draco: That's assault! I will tell my father. (I'm just wondering when you and Draco are going to admit your undying love for each other?) Hermione: Yeah, Harry. When is that? When ARE you going to admit your undying love? Draco: You need to check into St Mungo's. Wow! *Harry and Hermione's conversation is silent*
Ron: What? Hermione: I'm just saying....
Ron: WHAT!!!???? What? Draco: No!
Harry: No! Ron: No?
Harry: No! Ron: No! Harry: We didn't say anything. No. (Pity fuck him!) Draco: It was a pity fuck. Hermione: Really?
Harry: WHAT!? Draco: *spluttering* Harry: What!?
Draco: In the- In the- In that- Marry kill thing. Harry: What!? Draco: Yeah... I picked you to f.... Harry: Ah! Okay. I thought- Hi! :)))))) Another question, maybe? (Since Ron kissed Hermione, shouldn't Harry kiss Draco?) Hermione: Yes.
(I dare you!) Hermione: Well, shouldn't he? I mean- Harry: Erm. Hermione, you should be on my side! Hermione: I AM on your side! Harry: What?
Hermione: He's good for you! Ron: What side is- What? Wait, what? (*chanting* Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!) (Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!) Hermione: Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
(Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!) (Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!) Harry: It's okay. I'll kiss Ron too! Ron: Urrgh! Harry: And I'll kiss Hermione as well! Hermione: That really was not- Ron: How rude! Hermione: I'm getting the most kisses, so- (Draco, are you dating someone?) Harry: Are you dating anyone? We have to be truthful. Draco: Yeah. (Who?) Harry: *like an owl* Who? Draco: We only had time for one of these questions, not another one. Yes, I am dating someone and you won't be able to tell who. Harry: *ahem* So, did we have another one? Hermione: Yes, we have one last one from the muggle magic ones. And uh.....Ron.... Look out for a spider on the floor! Ron: Who!? Hermione: I thought it was funny. Harry: Okay, so we think we're gonna release everybody from this hot cavern now. Thank you so much for being here! [captions by that-nerdy-hufflepuff]
