Becoming the Prime Minister | Yes, Minister: 1984 Christmas Special | BBC Comedy Greats

[Music] i have to finish these cabinet defense papers i'm afraid this is much more urgent minister who doesn't your christmas cards minister they cannot get postponed any longer all right oh which is which well they're all clearly labeled a minister these you signed jim these who signed jim hacker these jim and annie these annie and jim hacker these love for manny and jim oh those are printed and those have cyclo-styled signatures so you needn't write anything just check to make sure they don't include cards that should have been personally signed jim or jim hacker or jim and annie or annie and jim hacker or love for malian jim what about those oh those are the constituency cards your election agent dropped them off this morning as you see they've been divided up those who signed jim those who signed jim hacker those two and only there's addy and jim how are those thank you bernard i think i've got the gist is that the lot apart from the ones waiting for your party headquarters party of quarters i didn't do those last christmas well you weren't party chairman last year do i have to send this one uh why not it's to maurice in brussels he's the one who forced through the plan to standardize the euro sausage europe by the end of next year we shall be waving goodbye to the good old british sausage and we'll be forced to accept some foreign mac like salami or bratwurst or something in its place but they can't stop us eating the british sausage can they can stop us calling it the sausage though apparently it's going to be called the emulsified high-fat offal tube you swallowed it it's my job to implement eec regulations could finish my career but what have they got against our sausage dear don't you ever read the papers you give me yes i glanced at it minister would it rather put me off apparently there's not enough meat in it the average british sausage consists of thirty two and a half percent fat six and a half percent rind 20 water 10 rusk 5 seasoning preservative and coloring and only 26 meat which is mostly gristle head meat other off cuts and mechanically recovered meat steamed off the carcass one for breakfast perhaps the eec commissioner is right you may be right but be extremely unpopular with the voters oh well she'll just have to grit our teeth and bite on the bullet uh you can't bite a bullet if you're gritting your teeth minister you see if you do that you can't get the volley i'm sorry by the way you were going to advise me what presents it would be suitable to give to the private office uh well of course that's entirely up to you minister bottles of sherry for the assistant secretaries large boxes of house of commons mints from the diary sector in the correspondent secretary and small boxes of house of commons mints for the rest what about my personal private secretary oh that's me yes of course what should i give you well you don't have to give me anything i know that bernard but i'd like to oh minister well anything really sad well really i would like a surprise what sort of surprise should i get a bottle of champagne is the customary surprise what time is my meeting with humphrey oh that's been canceled minister so humphrey had to rush away to an urgent meeting with the cabinet secretary the cabinet secretary almost makes me feel rather nervous you know in some ways arnold is the most powerful chap in the country permanent access to the pm controls cabinet agenda controls access to everything what is up to enjoying yourself yes yes thank you minister john lovely party yes minister it's rightfully good fun yeah always good to let your hair down isn't it right now i think it's uh it's time i said a few words this is a very very special occasion for us all peace on earth good will to all men sorry first persons it's always good to have this little get-together amongst the people who serve me uh work with me for me with me here at the department of administration the ministry of administration at the d.a.a we're a team you're like the cabinet except we're all on the same side i'm not the not that the cabin no well i meant really the shadow cabinet yeah let's keep politics out of this season of goodwill that's why parliament doesn't sit over christmas eh oh seize the goodwill even to one's officials well what can i say hampi sir humphrey appleby thank you very much i would just like to thank you all for all the hard work you've done all these years um an occasion like this engenders a certain emotional ambiguity and personal ambivalence ambiguous about while one is one should say uh honored by the cause of one's departure one is saddened by the fact of it in particular saddened by having to leave the service of a minister without parallel in one's experience well that's just break a unique partnership absolutely unique so i should end i think by wishing a happy christmas tour but in particular to a minister whom in the brief time that we've had him with us we've watched grow in standing in stature and insurance of touch so it seems no solicitations to you all but please please do remember the home secretary's campaign for the holidays don't drink and drive this christmas i'll drink to that i do wish you'd let me drive jim i'm driving perfectly stately we do have to get home before dawn [Music] uh good evening kinsable isn't your license sir yes certainly aren't you mr jim hacker yes that's right i'll just be the trouble any reason you were driving so slowly well i didn't want the curve to hit i don't i didn't want to hit the curb look i got a silver badge somewhere i see perhaps you'd like constable evans to drive you the rest of the way no it's all right officer i'll drive all right mrs anchor if you're in a proper state to drive oh i don't drink officer well not when my husband's driving oh no do i hardly are things of the campaign for the freedom of information by the way sorry i can't talk about that so will the new pm be our eminent chancellor or our distinguished foreign secretary well that's what i wanted to talk to you about which do you think it should be difficult like asking which lunatic should run the asylum the trouble is they're both interventionists they both have foolish notions about running the country themselves if they became prime minister have we any allies no quite a few here chief webb particularly and he's worried that whichever gets job will antagonize the others supporters and split the party so we're looking for a compromise candidate malleable flexible likable no firm opinion no bright ideas intellectually committed without the strength of purpose to change anything someone who you know can be manipulate professionally guided and leave the business of government in the hands of the experts why a lot of the government would welcome me shall we say less interventionist leader well not the other two candidates they might be persuaded but to stand aside have you had a chance to glance at their mi5 files no oh you should always send for cabinet ministers mi5 files if you enjoy a good laugh sir just thank you very much yes juicy dan thank you happy new year by the way oh thank you very much rich so this is our very last piece of daa businesses yes i'm afraid so so humphrey oh well that had just let me ask you something what would you say to your present master as the next prime minister the minister yes mr hacker yeah as prime minister yeah are you in a hurry oh no i'm just checking to see it wasn't april the first are you suggesting that your minister is not up to the job of prime minister oh no sir it's not for me to uh um well i mean of course i'm i'm sure he's uh oh gosh there is a considerable body of opinion that can see many advantages in the appointment for britain for britain yes well yes so we trust you to ensure that your minister does nothing incisive or divisive over the next few weeks avoids anything controversial expresses no firm opinion about anything at all now is that quite clear yes well i think that's probably what he was planning to do anyway i'm in his dad hungry what's all the hurry yes i'm so sorry i've just been able to arrange a brief meeting with the european commissioner nice but he's flown out this morning no his flight's been delayed so well i think we might be able to persuade him to solve our little sausage problem excuse me yes oh yes ask him to come in will it thank you leave it to me just um just give me support when i ask for it ah murray is having i'm pleased yes sir jim to what the way with his pleasure the minister asked me to arrange this little meeting to see if you could um help us with a problem of course now the problem is that the eec is becoming very unpopular over here isn't that so very unpopular and you want to restore it yes no no and the problem is that the minister feels that there would be more votes that he would be better expressing the views of the british people by joining the attack on the eec then by leaping to its defense exactly but but your government is committed to support us the minister's point as i understand it is that the government's commitment is to the concept and to the treaty it's not committed to the institutions nor to the practices nor to individual policies the minister is giving me an example the other day why don't you minister about food production oh yes i've discovered that one of your officials spends all his time paying farmers to produce masses of surplus food while somebody in the next office pays people to destroy the surpluses that's not true no he's not in the next office not even on the same floor and the minister has hundreds of similar examples haven't you ministered and the knob of the problem is that the minister is beginning to think that some member of the cabinet ought to start telling the british people about them that would be intolerable even the italians wouldn't stoop that low after being asked to redesignate salami is emulsified high-fat offal tubing ah and what are you proposing after all we are committed to harmonization we cannot collect the sausage what do you suggest well politics is about presentation why don't we call it the british sausage british sausage yes i think we could recommend that to the commission splendid the ministers always said that the is a splendid institution haven't you ministered today's big story about the proposed european ban on the british sausage has caused a major political storm westminster sources say the sausage could be another banana skin only adds the government's problems with the succession senior people in the party are increasingly troubled by the fact that the two obvious candidates for the leadership represent the extreme wings of the party pressure is mounting for them to withdraw in favor of a compromise candidate but none of the other contenders so far seems to have caught the public imagination our sport there are is that true about the compromised candidate i believe so where do they get their information from they can't imagine anyway i never said compromise i said moderate incidentally minister why are bbc television and itn covering your speech this evening i can't imagine bernard i mean i know that uh fire and safety policy in government buildings is awfully important someone suggested that i was going to raise other issues as well who can't imagine berlin i am a good european i believe in the european ideal never again shall we repeat the bloodshed of the two world wars europe is here to stay but this does not mean that we have to bow the knee to every directive from every little bureaucratic bonaparte in brussels we are a sovereign nation still we are british and proud of it [Applause] we have made enough concessions to the european commissar for agriculture and when i say commissar i use the word advisedly we've swallowed the wine lake we've swallowed the buttermouth beating up british lorry drivers carrying good british land to the french public we have bowed and scraped and doffed our caps tugged our forelocks and turned the other cheek but i say enough is enough the europeans have gone too far they are now threatening the british sausage they want to stand it up i wish they mean they'll force the british people to eat salami and garlic ridden greasy foods alien to the british way of life do you want to eat salami for breakfast with your regular bacon i don't and i will [Applause] they've turned our pints into liters and our yards into beat us we gave up the tanner the threatney bit the two bob peace and the half crown but they cannot and will not destroy the british sausage up while i'm here in the words of martin luther here i stand ah minister a message came through from central house while you were in cabinet committee yes yes they brought the party meeting forward it started an hour ago brought it forward yes any moment now the committee will have decided whether or not they're going to bring up another candidate to oppose you in the election but the chief whip will be phoning through which phone would he ring on oh um oh this one probably or this one either really the only danger is just duncan and eric withdraw which they will they might not support me and that'll mean an election yes quite but i understand that you're the favorite candidate for both factions in which case you'd be unopposed that's what they say oh well no point in worrying about it as well sit down relax yes yes yes yes bernard has an urgent the message have been on the phone the palace palace why uh they want to know if you'll be free to kiss hands at five o'clock uh that's only in the event of an unopposed recommendation i think i might be able to make that suppose that you know if i if um i should still want a principal private secretary do you think oh minister gosh that'll be all right wouldn't it happen well the prime minister's word is law minister yes yes yes he's here i'll tell him yes prime minister [Applause] you

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

Views: 1,187,338

Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, Sitcom, Comedian, Comic, Sketch show, Yes Minister, Yes Prime Minister

Id: zI9Ip0GLUJ0

Length: 20min 40sec (1240 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 31 2021