Battleship - Place your Bidets (ft. Ludwig)

michael in order to expedite these negotiations we are prepared to make you a very generous offense and we are prepared to reject that offer michael you haven't even heard never accept their first offer what is your second offer hello how are you uh good just just pissed asked why uh why oh you went to the bathroom ump i thought you meant i'm just sitting here pissed like i took too long or something oh no no i had to i had to i had to go you know i had to go to the bathroom do you pee sitting down by the way no have you ever used a bidet no i i find them to be revolting what yes are you a bidet user this is this is going to fracture us in a way are you sure okay i need to be enlightened explain to me so let me let me tell you what i think when i think of a day so when you after you you're done with the bathroom if you go to the bathroom you're finished it's over turning a water jet into your asshole wouldn't you get shit and poop water all over your legs and button stuff and have to make more work for yourself i don't understand explain it to me i need it i need to know right okay all right that first of all i'm not gonna come at you you just seem to be a little bit ignorant on on all the positives so i i i don't want to shame you second hold on to it uh it's it's the greatest thing i've ever used has changed in my life i'm a bidet not just a user i'm like a i'm like a salesman for bidets okay tell me uh so you can get you can get like a rinky dink one on amazon it's like thirty dollars it blasts cold water at mach 5 in your asshole in it it's not comfortable i use a fancier bidet i use right now the toto sw2034 is that okay is that like a amd chip what was that this is about as expensive as a 30-90 all right let's just put it that way okay this has five different types of oscillating sprays 10 different pressure gauges all right warm heated water also an air drying capability so you don't even need to use you know toilet paper if you didn't want to it comes with a deodorizer comes with a white noise maker so if you're if you're pooping and you don't want people to know you're pooping doesn't always support it doesn't work no matter how loud your tv is everyone's going to hear the like you've never you've never used the toto and look it's it's just more hygienic you're you're cleaning a rug that has dirt on it with with like you know sandpaper what kind of toilet paper are people using i i'm just saying even if you're using three ply it's it's cleaning a rug with bounty that's not gonna take it out what about the wet wipes right what about like the the wet wipes they're not as they're good but they're not they're not as great for for the environment also you need to keep re-upping them uh you know they're not always flushable look i i understand it i will say it's it's a it's a concentrated spray it's not going to get on your legs that's absurd but is this confined isn't your asshole wet how do you how do you go from like spraying your butt and butthole water to like now i'm putting my underwear back on it that always confused me so you use the bidet and then it's a it's a one wipe here's my sale no wait no way no way i'm sorry i don't feel that doesn't make me feel clean let me tell you what if every poop for the rest of your life was a one wiper it's impossible that's what a bidet does because i'm not normal though i have like colitis like i don't think that would work for me that would be like messy no it'll it it will work for you trust me trust me look how about this how about this i'm gonna get you bidet all right you're gonna buy me a bidet i'm gonna buy you a day i'll help i'll help you set it up you can try it if you don't like it i'll i'll take it out of your sight i'll burn it i'll destroy it we'll have you know that scene in office space where they destroy the fax machine yeah we can do that with the bidet if you don't like it it already wait did i already make this joke on my stream that like me having a bidet i would do the like laugh out loud will ferrell skit where he like needs to take a drink out of water and he like takes a drink out of the bidet fountain right like that's a will ferrell thing yeah i already make that joke you haven't made that joke yet okay it's up for grabs i just made it oh sorry we could redo it all right did you think that was funny yeah it was great well it's actually too close at home i've drank out of a bidet for 40 a couple years ago and it was a big it was a big meme and then i did it again last month for fifty dollars why are you drinking out of a bidet for fifty dollars because uh 50 bucks is 50 bucks i mean you put that on a crap table you could walk out with a rolex why do i imagine you with like crooked sunglasses on like eight drinks and just like y'all man you need another hit i'll drink out of the day fuck it you're gonna give me 60 bucks i'm just sitting in the bathroom and people are coming in i'm just harassing them oh you think i won't you think i won't and they're like can we get can we get lubing out of the bathroom he's just drinking out of the bidet he's annoying he's that eight drinks get a load of this guy he thinks i won't it's like no i don't want you to i keep lowering the amount of money that i'll do it for a 40. you think i won't pay you to drink out of this bidet right now you think i won't do that you just you put your hands on it you do a headstand and like keg stand the bidet i'm way too adept at it i'm too skilled at drinking out of it people are weirded out i am i imagine like really cold water hitting me right in like the balls and it's like oh oh okay all right well look there there is much like a car seat when you get in for the first time maybe you're a little too far up and you need to crank it back but after you've done it you should be fine unless you sit in obtuse ways every time you get on the toilet like you get your mode you're good this is how i sit on the toilet you should have like a phone and it's usually like this i'm watching yeah that's that's fine that seems standard it seems like a standard okay that's oddly 45 degree it's still fine it's just you know yeah it's it's fine that's that's fine do you have long balls or something yes oh okay next time next time you're in vegas give me give me a shout we'll go buy a bidet next time i'll i'll i'm going to fly with it i'm going to grab the travel with the bidet i'm going to travel i've done this before you laughing i've done this i went to texas to deliver to deliver to deliver my friend jay schlot a bidet and i set it up for him did do you have to check that is that like do you or you carry like in a backpack and put it oh i have to check it yeah i had to check that they were i had to hide the whole conversation they weighed it they put it in put the little ticker on it why am i imagining you setting the bidet up in the airplane bathroom because you like it and you want one in there yeah i just have like an extra everywhere i go that's just like a quick place just in case yeah you got to set it up then you have to use it there uh okay all right you got a code sending you the code so i opened up our discord it's just your ass yeah yeah we need to clear that it's just written on your ass i'm gonna try this i think we have nearly the same shit we'll have to remember the shapes here yours seems really bad though i'm not gonna lie are you happy with that oh maybe not look at the far right it's just a giant four yeah this is i'm happier with this guy but he's got but maybe he has a better i'm going to go with this guy because he's got torpedo all right all right i'm going to go with sir philip wade he's doing well pay to win this is pay to win now shit do i have to buy these all right i have a single shot i got two lightning bolts maybe you got two lightning bolts what is going on i don't know there's like a there's like abilities i don't i don't know what's going on here it gave me two lightning when i what did i do you just dropped a mine what does that do i don't know maybe if i click on it it hurts me do you know where my mind is no i have no idea you know what i oh whoa whoa what you bombs away and i didn't did anything this you don't have anything on this side it was a whiff no not to say i have nothing over there you should you should keep your your fucking forces keep your forces on the left you just missed you're close i'm actually kind of scared are you about to drop like a a nuke on here oh what the fuck you actually got it yeah well because it can only it could have only been there right because if you flip it it'll be the other direction zero color zero zero torpedo fired across a row or a column it stops when it hits a ship what what oh shit that's awesome that's the best ability i've ever seen okay you know what i was talking a lot of shit germa this this could be meta you think it is oh nice it's your little one there's gonna be like a character tier list you have two small ones you have two twos or what i have two twos yeah i don't know if that's like because i paid for this character and i'm paying to win oh fuck oh oh come on okay that one's good it must be right or left left and then it has to go up i'm going to be able to like you feel i'm at so many points now uh all right i need to win quick i'm a little nervous you only have a two bitch all right let's just clear this all right all right this i got i to make something happen here oh no what we need one one only one only one doesn't make any sense one makes a lot of sense if you think about it no way not too hard though well they go come on i have a two left oh i thought it was counting that one as the one no no no no whoa that's not the what are you talking about i don't get i thought it was the one that was up and left oh oh fuck you you have a one fatal flaw right now and it's that you you have started to ships and then just quit on them but i don't want to give you the points i i know whether i know where those are oh if i hit i get you get a point oh yeah you're absolutely right i do oh it's either here or here wait no it'd have to be i flipped that it has to be here actually right there shit i'm stupid who tweets what are you talking about two tweets no i'm i'm gonna win right now i just think it's gonna take me a minute i think i got it one two three four that's the only thing it could be it couldn't be anything else it has to be here has to be it has to be here fuck you got three choices here i don't think i have that few no what do you mean how does that work i dropped a bomb do i i hate your mind is that fine oh it's fine i think it just ends your turn automatically oh oh it went that way i thought oh my god this i think this is a great game mode i've thought of the tweet i'm actually very confident on this one i have to fucking win a game here you want to hear my idea what's what's the idea let's hear it it's a combination i had that one one two i just went to i just you actually got every ship tagged it was just the wrong direction yeah all right what's the idea let's hear it well uh right now i have to i get one tweet and i also get a shirt yeah you do you get a shirt so we could combine the two feasibly where you wear a shirt and you have to tweet it out oh god and when i went to the bathroom earlier i actually did a bit of research and i'm really fond of this new merch company i found called mega milk yeah so i thought it'd be apt to get you a mega milk shirt and then have you tweet it out am i doing is this part of the almond thing oh it's that cause it's two tweets now the almond thing's totally separate yeah he just wanted a second wasn't even a just a second tweet like twitter's gonna be like a sex twitter yeah you're gonna it's you have to change it to 18 plus let's go i'm i'm trying as hard as i can for this one i am going to pull out all the stops for this one i think what would be equivalent to that in my mind because this is a full reversal is i would need for you to get a full catboy costume yeah tweet a picture in this cat made costume something to the effect of i'm having a good time right meow so i'm removing the last tweet and giving you the mega milk tweet but if i lose i have to let's just make sure i get this correct i have to tweet a picture of me holding my stomach talking about almonds i love eating almonds so i throw up i then have to tweet a picture of me in a mega milk shirt in the bathroom like i was using the bidet or something sure yeah and then i have to tweet a picture of me in a catboy maid outfit saying i'm having a good time right meow that's what i stand to lose yeah because you have to understand this when you say you're getting rid of yours and reflecting on me that's it's like twofold right it's true it's almost like right now you owe me a hundred dollars we'll just translate it to money and then i'm gonna owe you 100 it's a 200 swing i would rather pay you a thousand dollars right now well money money has no no effect here oh wait wait i i sorry you need to you need to i i pulled up your stream instinctively to see how your chat felt about that and i just saw one of your ship's placements on the bottom you you should change your ships i just accidentally cheated hey okay i'm sorry and you might have been happy i closed it out i closed it out i just wanted to see what they thought about the cat boy but what if that was the game winner what if that was the one what was that that was the thing it's battleship that could have been the game winner it's not the key that was the game winner that could have been the game it's not the game winner i think i deserve you eating an almond for a tweet uh i'll eat an almond for a tweet on the house yeah that's fair okay off rip let's make this play no should save my money oh my god it must be going up right oh i thought you would have okay all right god fuck the fuck oh oh brutal oh brutal boy that is really bad for me what a randomly placed ship too right it's it's you know as isolated as it could have made it unfortunately that's that's not gonna help oh no oh my lord oh no please please i know you're down bad but cheating really oh no oh well i'm getting points i'm getting really rich so here's the thing my brain has to take a second to think about where this is if it's that way it's either uh or uh i mean it could be anywhere right i think you're a cheeky fuck no there's so many places it could be it's it's shocking first what it's not the l it's not the l what are you talking about it's not the l what the hell is it then it's this little guy no it's not what the fuck is happening it's this way or does it go most likely here right right yeah which means this has to go up and then that's i'm giving you so many points that's right i think i've tagged every ship so i just need to i need to finish it out now what is this one to the left down up i don't know my best odds are here but it could be this one or this one oh so that must be this one what wait wha oh thank god oh it's down there i got to get the most amount of surface area here [Music] oh i got one that was your two oh you just saw it you literally just sunk it oh no oh god okay all right all right all right all right this is bad this is now bad for me i could put like my poker face on i know what to do i just hiding from the camera i don't i think an airstrike here is a waste yeah at this stage of the game the airstrike kind of it you son of a bitch you son of a bitch a little bomb and it just ends what happened you get two i don't know i have no idea what just happened i think since i hit it you get two counter shots or something i got two counter shots no you did not no way no way no way you got that this impossible it's not possible it's impossible oh my god what how did you get that that was like a four percent chance to hit that one what what i do is i i flick my mouse and i click oh my god what the fuck that was insane oh my god how do i even get anything shaved off of this look at you look at your guy's face he's so solid oh that's this is okay at this point i almost own your twitter account we we could make uh what i owe you what it's it's three tweets three tweets and like i don't have to like a shit in a bag or whatever it was but what was it wear a shirt yeah i mean you have to wear a shirt uh it's three tweets it's 96 subs [Laughter] uh you know at this point i got your stream seventy dollars what do you feel in your heart you want to win this back i can't imagine what what to use the worst thing that you owe it's it's surely not the money no it's it's it's it's definitely the last one you just said it's the cat made one that one's tough that one's tough probably the last two the last two tweets are rough betwixt the cat and the milk which one is worse both equal equally bad equally uh well i would have to get in and out gonna outfit and okay yeah no it's it's it's it's something it's it's surely something but how do we how do we even give you an incentive anymore you have one okay you just won you set out the blackjack table with like 200 bucks and you have like 15 thousand dollars in chips like what are you carrying this point i have i have my watch now yeah you have the watch like you don't even need to play you're like you're good this is i know i feel great i feel great about this but i i am i'm still a sucker for monetary investments okay so i'm i'm willing to make you a wager you're making me a wager okay what's the wager you right now owe me a just a little under 500 sure would you say that 500 is about how much one of those tweets is milk boys worth yeah i would say so i'd say uh 500 is probably what that would be worth for me i think okay here's what i'm gonna do and you can decline this offer because i think i'm more i'm i'm willing to give up the mega milk shirt tweet and stream i'm willing to give that up wow okay in exchange you already know me 500. let's just say if you win we'll just cut those all right they're just eliminated what so so the the the two tweets with the costumes no just well let's not get in over our heads i'm trying to rewrite the contract here yes the milk boy tweet stream uh are gone okay in exchange if if if that in if you win okay all right if i win you still owe me all that but i need you because you live in vegas to take a thousand dollars go to the casino and put it on black oh my god and if i win that bet you have to give me two thousand dollars it's a pretty good bet that's a thousand bucks though well you already owe me 500 it's more like no idle it's a 500 bet basically is this worth 500 to potentially erase now i will say if you lose you owe three tweets one stream with a shirt on cat made outfit pregnant almond milk boy you have to give me a thousand dollars go to the casino with it put it on a roulette table on black it's a lot would you be willing to remove the cat made outfit if we made this 1500 wow that's how bad the cat made outfit is honestly like tweeting in general it's like so like it's the tweets themselves yeah i could literally dress up in any costume but i have to tweet like fuck the tweet is look i would almost be creating enemies if i got rid of that for how just you i mean look at your chat they're fervorish about this if i got rid of this they and they they would be they would be riots hey don't let them fool you they already got that because you owe me 500 you're saying it's basically a thousand dollars on this game yeah and and i will literally i will literally like live cast it to you if even if i win oh i'll sweeten the deal you take you get rid of those two tweets the cat made outfit one and the mega milk tweet and i'll tell you right now you delete those i'll do i'll i'll do i'll do 250 on black with 250 i'll do 250 on black that's that's lower than that's not sweeter oh that sweetens the deal because otherwise it would have been wiped out and i wouldn't have to do it oh you'll still do i'll still do 250. for me yeah is that sweetening for you i'm in ow all right let's go this is the final this is we can't go past this though because after this it's it's it's i mean it's it's it's like the deed to your home i'm gonna start giving you like titles to cars and stuff uh this is the last one okay all right oh gosh i i'm already nervous i can feel a lump forming in my throat it's so much this is this is a preposterous amount of gambling on battleship come on i think it's you that's that must be right yeah okay first shot is everything oh no it's too i thought it was the three i thought you put up i thought you put the three in a weird place i'm not that cheeky i'm not that cheeky let's let's play this strategically all right all right now whatever going for a mine at the very beginning nice uh this isn't a three it could i mean my best bet no it's only one it should go here yes okay oh that's fucking phenomenal i mean that's just what the fuck oh my god oh my god god is doing this what the fuck loki put the mask back what the fuck is this bullshit this is ridiculous there's no way no fucking way this is possible if i get the third one i'm cheating oh fuck that the fuck that poseidon's throwing a goddamn trident at me this is insanity this is insanity okay oh my god oh my god oh my god [Applause] if you hit my if you hit my thing too i mean like just fucking let's go oh god it could be something for the love of god drop a bomb fucking everywhere oh that's over here too let's go okay all right all right let's see if that's safe okay hey is he going like this is he like like looking down like an iphone that has like this frame up yeah i just have it all right i gotta think about this these are bigger than two so which means this could be well the top one's hard because it could be any of those four it's this one's gonna uh bottom one's easier bottom one's probably the easiest one because literally you can go one way or the other um all right that's good well now it's hard oh phenomenal guess all right that's good that was good but wait wait wait wait wait wait wait no not quite because this could be this could be the the tetris piece or the l oh the tent yeah that's fair well i know what it is now you do know what it is now okay all right well the problem is you you only have the good shit left that's true you son of a bitch that's huge that's actually huge oh my god you son of a bitch that's actually actually you just ignored the oh my god this is this is bad this is really bad that's huge but can i capitalize on this now what a phenomenal start for that to happen just a missed air strike right at the bottom all right now i'm confused though i think the l could go that way because it goes boom boom but that could also be the three i'm going for it all right i think i got you now i got you wait what oh no you do knock on me okay what happened wait wait oh shit it's this way oh i don't think you know this is heating up all right so no so it ha it has to be right here right of course okay now i just got two of your little shit ships my little shitters and it's either on one side or the other so here's what i'm going to do i'm going to go like this oh what you'll get four shots for free come on come on baby come on get me there get me there yes yes oh my god my mind strategy worked wait a minute it's not over it's not over this could hit me this could hit me okay oh come on no so it's here here that's it right oh my god all right all right so we're gonna do one more [Laughter] what do i even owe you i owe you like you won the showcase on the price is right there's nothing more i could even offer you i won the free trip to hawaii from united airlines i won the house in malibu i won the entire lexus car you got both showcases they don't even do that on the show i i think i got i feel like uh james holtz hour right now i'm the most winning game show contestant of all time well uh that was that was a blast i'm i'm glad i owed three weeks of content it's so much it's almost too much i will say does this make it easier we can space it out you know a payment plan so to speak like a monthly payment plan yeah you know we we can't just do three tweets in a week or something that's that's absurd time to buy almonds this next game because we already know the tweets happening right like i'm not gonna be like we'll take that off okay sure this next game and this is the final game this is it this is it it's by the way it's been a blast it's been a pleasure i've had a great time today it's been absolutely fantastically fun um this is to solely if i win is to remove remove the cat costume so you would be delivering milk as a mega milk maid but without the cat costume in this picture now are you wearing the mega milk shirt yeah um let's really nail down the the t's in the eyes here you do you see my my vision of this image of this tweet it's delivering milk as a mega milk made with the cat costume it's it's it's it's got a it's got to be up there i mean this thing's going to be downloaded you know let me just say that this is going to be this is going to be downloaded so i mean the amount of fan art that will come from this will teach artists for years it's just like this is going to be the modern day scream it's going to be recreated so many times i am down to just let's just remove the cat in this next wager let's just get rid of the cat and you are now just you just wear a shirt that happens to say mega milk which which could mean anything all right delivering almond milk all right what if i lose there's nothing else you can add i you're just giving me like outs which i very much appreciate by the way that's that's what happens if you win if you lose unfortunately the cat how about this cats if i lose if i lose this no more like oh double down no no if i lose it's over that's it it's locked in how about yeah i am down that's what i win if i win this is that it just it's almost like uh i'm able to walk away from the table and it has to be done it's it's like we'll we'll just nod at each other in passing knowing that the deal has been done and it's it's been written in an ink okay it's over yeah so if you you you press what sorry what wait what was the next part i said if if i win the deal's over call it done that's it we're going to be you know nodding as we pass and fake breasts no no i'll walk away from the table right now i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding come on we we can joke around you know what are you thinking of doing where did you put that you son of a bitch this is this is the most tense hey somebody you're looking over with a stack of hundred dollar bills i've got like 50 cents on the table and i want i just want you wiped out and you're just like oh boy that was tricky wow tricky for that one and i'm just like yeah it was really tricky i got 50 cents well well well well what do we have here not there i'm just copying him hey he's won five straight games in a row why would i not want to do what he's doing thinking about putting a mine over there i knew it devious devious okay all right let's do this let's let's sweep this here what did you do up here nothing did i just find your hell oh i just homer oh my god i just found your l perfectly i thought that was a minefield for sure okay all right you're rich now though it's concerning uh my best bet is right that was one of my twos [Music] oh why does that why is that even a thing that can happen what is this what happened my my my random missile my spot which triggered you hitting me which could just be a forever chain oh that's funny here's the real question though is this your l or is this your um your three tier three oh this is a tight war right now you did place a bomb up here but if we have three before that then it couldn't be here it would most likely have to have been the four piece so this is guaranteed either way fuck oh all right fuck the amount of stress i have right now is so unparalleled we went this way okay wait no hold on i think this is your tetris piece it's right here isn't it isn't it you can tell me my hair is crazy it is all right all right all right all right i got you i got you i got you i got you did you get me i got you get me you did get me i'm now quite stressed okay if i think this through i might have it one right here is it right here right because it has to be oh this is a bomb this is either a bomb or it's right fucking here so fucking tense well have it one's bold you're still missing oh no i won't see this the sonar picks up bombs right yeah this is bomb this is a bomb this is a bomb this is a bomb this is a bomb this is a bomb this is a bomb this is a bomb i fucking knew it was a bomb and i still clicked it oh no oh come on please oh no oh oh that's fucking huge yeah how unlucky can you get has to be here fuck germa oh i will give you one last attempt what give me play another game no that's not what i mean wait you're throwing on purpose i'm giving you one turn one turn one turn to save everything you cherish good luck what a good guy oh no but you hit my thing what i got you i got you this is it i i i did it because you get me no because now all all that's left is this is your tetris piece but which one where is it going yeah how do you know where it's going i don't know i have to sonar something i have to sonar this one here no wait the take take your time i don't want to dress up as a cat this would be one two this would be three right or this one this one right but this one because it was going down then it'd be one two it would be one if it was going this way if it was one two bang bang that means this would just be one it's one it's okay it's either one two three four one two three four oh my god well it but it has to be this one here has to has to be guaranteed one below has to be this has to be it at least this one it has to be at least it can't be a bomb here there's no way this would connect to anything i want you to trust yourself maybe flip a coin oh you might have bombs here it could be one it could be bang bang or it could be just bang bang or or take a breath take the shot i have a sonar here zero zero zero zero zero i got you i got you i did it it's your zero iq germa figured it out my god right i'm so i don't know one two hold on zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero so it has to be this one congratulations thank you dad for letting me play the game you

Channel: 2ndJerma

Views: 117,820

Keywords: jerma, jerma985, stream, highlight, battleship

Id: mvE0mZGgiJ8

Length: 42min 18sec (2538 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 25 2021