The Invisible Hand - The Short Joke

it's called the invisible hand it's a game where you sell buy and trade stocks fake stocks nothing that you hear from now going forward is financial advice nothing you hear me say until the stream ends is me telling you what to buy what to sell not at all this is not financial advice none of every this is all made up bullshit what is your okay i told you this would happen shortage of wait i'm already going don't even think about trying to bail it's too late shortage of water emergency taxation to save the unit dollar what we're gonna ride this one out don't worry about it should i buy wait what oil gas down logging is up don't pay attention then pay attention to me this is what you pay me for have you dumped that mining position don't do it it's liquidate everything wait don't do it everybody shut the fuck up on the phone don't panic just a lot of things happening at once wait it's turning around i think it's turning around hello is your is your terminal busted ours is spewing a ton of crazy shit but i have no idea if any of it's real buy for what am i buying green grocers okay i'm gonna buy short for i don't even know what i'm looking at daily liquidate everything now buy back 100 anyways call me back if you hear anything from it who has steel oh no i'm not gonna i'm not gonna answer the phone call from the bogged it off so you're out of your fucking mind uh lobby congress i don't what am i is this like this the intro right jake let me ask him do you trust me is everyone kind of counting dead did a bomb go off i can't hear anything oh okay oh he bought with all sincerity that anybody who takes longer than a few minutes to complete this test is in any way suited to employment at this firm okay i know i know a lot about stocks i know about fucking selling i know about buying i know about calls i know about puts i know about shorts i know about longs i could get every one of these questions right question one you are approached by a high net worth individual with a substantial capital gain who explicitly states the desire to exempt it from all taxation in all jurisdictions do you open the account and assure the client that your firm will be able to complete this request open the account but inform the client that your firm will not be able to exempt them from taxation unless they are willing to pay specialized fees directly to the firm and you project the account and report the stated intent to the client to the trade and investment commission though he wants me to hide taxes capital gains taxes well what how am i how many fees how would we even do this by the way to to drop this person's capital gains we'd have to lose a bunch of money if this person had a substantial capital gain for the year we'd have to lose a substantial amount of their fucking money i mean if that's what they would i did you're gonna pay a fee to me for me to like just buy a bunch of bullshit and lose it that's what you want i failed the test fucking idiot my first question well hey take this uh regulatory test uh do you want to do anything illegal yes okay fucking leave all right reject the account reject the account if suggested discrimination on basis of race religion disability gender sexual intention or another marriage released by supervisor refuse don't take the illegal trading activity i passed it eminem is scared to rap battle it was so wonderful to meet you with it was so wonderful to meet with you today i really enjoyed it do not contact me with inquiries regarding the status of your application goodbye bye bye bye bye bye only by never sell is that what you want me to do this is intimidating even resources put the personal garbage you sent over into these boxes like if i'm like if i like buy like a stock in my bed on my phone you know what i mean and i just lose money on it i don't care what okay whatever but like if i have people to look over my shoulder and see what i'm doing i'm gonna answer that phone because the ringing quote i should be answered doesn't it all right somebody pick up that phone i fucking hate it's freaking me out where's my desk wait is this my desk i said i don't start working oh it's not that phone wrong phone okay green grocery stop wait wait wait wait hello hey how's your first day going pal oh pitch to me if corbin scares the shit at you you want it in i got you in what did they put you up against for your probation morgan lee fuck i was worried they would do that i'm not going to lie to you you got basically no chance of beating her she went to all the right schools took all the right classes unfortunately she's too squeaky clean to know all the right people like me where did this music come from this is just the undertale bar music all right geistnet is a closed network made up of information brokers and anonymous insiders don't know who they are you don't need to know who they are they get taken care of you're going to see information on dice that goes against what you see on trade feed what you watch on in what you hear from your friends and your family everything basically remember what you see on geist is the smart money not only is it the truth but we know it is before anyone else does this is porn music dark roast coffee secretly secures exclusivity contract with alcador's supplier after announcement later today dark roast coffee has struck a deal with a major farming concerning the democratic republic of balcador to provide exclusive access to future coffee bean harvests the industry may take an overall hit which is why most people are selling but insiders have been assured that shares will rise sharply once the news is made public at 16 o'clock use the buy button to buy some shares use the arrow buttons to change the quantity of the money to spend oh how much money do i have not enough cash i'll take a fucking hundred thousand details about your position are shown here keep an eye on the benefit slash deficit and liquidate when it's highest i bought on the dip right there yeah look at this dip okay all right hey everyone's telling everyone selling it's gonna surge up to probably like at least 10 here comes the announcement i went all in okay they just announced it seven eight it's going crazy eight point four eight point eight we're gonna sell at ten we're gonna sell at ten ten feet we're just 11. i'm gonna sell not yet not yet this is just the first little peek it's nothing but not yet not yet wait wait wait wait wait it's gonna hit 11. once it's now unacceptable trading loss fired they put his picture up everywhere levine aisle fuel video games um you long on electro gear you short on lw light short on dark roast coffee crap i grabbed his shoulder hard oh man you got killed today oh i'm so sorry so sorry that i didn't get the chance to meet you yesterday i was taking a personal day i'm quinn quinn miller and yes to get it out of the way my grandparents did start the company that owns pherios please don't worry i'm not old or rich or gross i'm here to work as hard as you do i promise enter tonight wagyu beef bye beef eat runner your true priority food courier service no bicycles don't buy food buy meat i'm buying meat nobody else don't i'm not telling anybody else that i'm buying food i'm trying to trade so you met quinn huh make sure you don't cross her you can manage it actually stay the hell away from her completely she might be a receptionist or a concierge or whatever the fuck she calls herself when she connects all the way to the top i heard someone once made quinn photocopy a stack of documents quinn went on stress leave for two weeks after and the guy who made her do it went on leave too permanently hey you take care of you i'll take care of me oh by the way hurt i heard there's a bunch of fucking like bunch of like dirty rotten like cows and beef and shit i i would short meat i would short beef the sec the second i got on my terminal i heard there's a bunch of problems with it idiot short selling is the sale of a stock you do not own you immediately get some cash but you have to buy back the shares later you should use it to bet on the fall of dark roast coffee and use the cash for new long orders all right so coffee will drop at 14. we're going to short coffee right now i'm going to wait though let's see it's probably going to go a little higher leave me the fuck alone i'm working newly discovered produce alternatively to decrease prices fuck computation predicts green grocers will rise oh god damn it short green grocers short green grocers i told you look at this peak shit's coming back down to like three point all right what do i get for that i'm up uh down 240 dollars get out get out get out get out get out get out get out i'm fine uno eats is going up let's go boys go go go go go go go go go yeah i got it at six i think i just bought the top look look look look we're good we're good we're good uno each is going back up holy shit and you told me i was stupid you guys told me i was dumb are you kidding me look at that oh i'm so dumb for buying uno eats all in on the short and green brushes let's go we're getting out of 4.5 oh it's all right it's coming back oh no oh no that's not good hold on oh oh no oh no why did i do that guys just have to hold it for a second just hold it it's coming back down it's going to drop it's going to drop it's going to drop it's going to drop it's going to drop back down to like four bucks this is wicked bad copium no it's not all right we're going long on coffee 75 right here it's at the bottom it's going to pop up oh damn it go down green grocers what the fuck oh my god i've lost so much money on green grocers so far uh dark roast coffee where's my dark roast coffee position is what was it what's the long position get out go go go go go go go go go go go go get it perfect time to get up food stuff's down aqua firma up i need to make money on coffee all right well i'm shorting food i'm sorry i'm shortened coffee green grocers god damn it i have to get out i have to get out get out get out get out get out get out get up get out get out i'm not gonna lose all that money it's gonna go for no no up where we look at where this was jesus that's not good that's really bad coffee's going up food stuff's going down coffee going up is our starbucks is the starbucks probably going to work price of beverages is rising starbucks is beverage right [Laughter] all of you naysayers all of you naysayers this is gonna be a oh my god and you told me i was fucking wrong this is a hundred thousand dollar plus trade and what happened to you did you short coffee dumb uno eats is really just beat up we're going long on uno eats and i'm going 250 fucking thousand shares uno eats look at this it's been it's been absolutely decimated there's no there's no reason for that ceo what the ceo leaked of something whatever it was oh and uh that was a stupid idea but apparently jeremy knows how to trade fucking stocks and everybody here doesn't understand it that's fine sorry mrs lee but the probationary terms are clearly specified there's no room at fairies for second best this is an issue of principle my trades were flawless and my analysis of trade feed was perfect it was not you took losses at several points and i always made up for them the only way you could have possibly come out ahead of me is if you i saw it happening but i figured that you would i mean it doesn't make any sense i didn't even use any insider information i was just a moron i just saw i saw the number low and i put all of my money into it and the number went up and i sold i didn't do anything i just i was just an idiot this is lee your family is very well respected please don't compel me to have security escort you from the building or there to be any kind of public unpleasantness public unpleasantness does talking like that make you feel like you come from somewhere you couldn't keep me in this shithole at gunpoint bye mrs lee fuck you yeah she didn't she she said she said i can't say she didn't she didn't see shit by the way sorry about that i trade better than i talk what are you doing holy shit this dude this dude lost two million dollars today 1.8 million loss i'll take my 60 i'll take my 78 000 again and make my way oh that's like such i'm such a small fry the person walked up from their desk and they didn't even turn their computer off with a two million dollar loss i'm sitting here celebrating with like seventy thousand dollar trade engines are running high in balcador as news arrives that a bailout package will not be coming for the distressed country leaving many to assume that the worst is yet to come huge protests are anticipated as the people of baltimore understand the deprivation that will surely follow the failure of the blm rumors are already circulating that northern oil and gas refineries will close immediately the lack of a bailout all but ensuring operation oh the bell just rang the market's open everybody run to your desk i gotta go have a bunch of trades i have to make the news coming up next i don't know let me introduce you to our lobbyists you can let them sweat the details but we deploy lobbyists when we want to put pressure on a stock price to go in one direction or the other without buying or selling it in this case i want you to send them out to make oil prices go through the floor no no harper i just bought it they'll fly to balcador yell at a few people and make sure that not only does that government bailout for northern never come through but that a whole lot of bullshit gets kicked up as a result the oil price won't just go down a little it'll go down by a ton water who else do they have water it's just the earth drill dark roast coffee buy it i don't no i don't think so i don't think i buy this i think i short this electronics going up who owns that is electronics that's coal where's electronics soda coffee and plastic electronics the unit dollars oh unit dollar is the uh the blockade currency isn't it it isn't mandatory but some of the brokers here believe that socializing outside of work will determine how far you can go at the company i wouldn't overestimate it i fired a lot of popular losers regardless you should see an interface a new terminal that will help you plan it okay organize a party already planned in condo getting up and just throwing a bust at the back of somebody's head oh my god a nice streamer setup you don't need this many monitors three i have four but that's because i wanted this fourth one i have an open trade in what that i just lost everything send in the lobbyist short it down i need coffee to go down i need coffee to go down down down down down down hurry hurry hurry go on come on come on come on come on come on come on see get go go go go go go more crush it i just wait yeah should i just take the loss all right i'm taking the loss whatever i have 620 thousand dollars fine munitions is well wait wait what's going on munitions munitions oh my god what happened i get it did i get in okay get out get out get up get out get up okay i'm good 642 thousand dollars what's coming up next i feel like i'm watching somebody's job that i don't understand at all electronics going down coal going up plastic's going down munitions going up whoa what happened what the fuck just happened why they do that coal's supposed to be going up rising protection have been cold producing did that does this guy get dumped on there's an enemy lobbyist you want to play that game fine we'll play that game bring it back up imagine seeing this chart i feel like what the fuck is happening what is happening oh no i didn't sell this game sucks this game is not stuck this game is fun i've been looking for a stock market game like this six seven eight months ago remember talking about wanting a game like this stock market is just a shitload of people like 50 people all hovering around the roulette table all screaming the numbers that they're playing and arguing with with each other as to why you should play certain numbers this is insane lois yeah imagine the time i sent gme to the moon we need you to start taking long-term positions in some of the companies the firm is dealing with i've unlocked the ability for your terminal to start collecting dividends dividends you will generate ongoing revenue from the stock of any company you've bought on a regular basis is our piece of their profit so make sure you pick companies that are making one evidence can be far more lucrative over time than constantly trying to guess which way the market is going especially if you have confidence that a company a weapons manufacturer for example is going to continue to grow and do well because of some kind of event you're in the big leagues now if you stubbornly hold on to the wrong company for a long time the results can be catastrophic wear your options carefully bye i have 1.46 million dollars in that oh my goodness gracious i mean i've signed the dividend agreement okay this afternoon it's gonna pop here it goes oh my god what should i do 1.7 million dollars what's what the fuck i do is so this is huge we pay the penalty to take fucking millions of dollars hold it should i hold it this is this is 1.8 1.9 million dollars lobby it now oh my god i can't i have just weapons all right all right i did it i did it now i'm gonna liquidate it i'm gonna take two three million dollars oh my god this is a big steak this mistake hold for the dividend hold for the dividend uh ah it's going to come down though all right i'm going to pretend it doesn't exist plastic's going no it's okay it's 2.2 million still it's all right i have to hold this to the end of the day okay now i'm going to what the fuck just happened whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what do you mean weapons down regulation of the weapons industry is ongoing get out 2.1 million they'll sell sell of 1.8 million dollars i'm good i thought i sold it i thought i sold it i know i got out of the dividend agreement sold the bottom he did didn't i all right 500 000 lock that up as a dividend sign the dividend agreement i have 1.3 million now to play with southern soda long nothing sort of smells like blood why is that a good thing i just i i just bought on the news what why is that a good thing do you guys remember that time when chuck e cheese came to the stream and when i showed the me kissing chuck e cheese picture this stock price went down by like five percent or something that's so stupid i don't think it was related at all but somebody brought it up they were like hey dude i like did some math and i did a little thing i kind of did some timing here uh this is when he appeared on your stream and this is what their stock value was and this is when you showed the kiss i was like no that's not accurate that's that's just nothing doesn't mean anything how did you do today leave me alone working shitty uppers fuck i want to know what you did today 10 million in your account down one million down 275 000 today i wonder who's going to get the promotion to vp hey hey greetings from the exorcist we follow the money all of your secrets belong to us justice for balcore fuck yourself and die what happened everybody's laughing oh this is happening to everybody somebody call the it guy don't be alarmed by everything going on the situation will be under control shortly there's nothing about these degenerate criminals that is worth paying attention to this is hacktivism nonsense is nothing but extortion we received the ransom note moments after all this started happening the i.t department will figure it out it becomes the most pragmatic course of action we will pay after all we can always find the money in the salaries of the it employees who will be catapulted into the fucking moon if they do not fix this right now that's a pretty big haul right there that's two hundred thousand dollars remember we please play nickelodeon baseball again the fact that you just said that infuriated me whatever this is it's going down apparently oh it's the ruble what's that i don't know that is but it's going down apparently whatever it is it's going down all right i'm gonna send lobbyists to this i'm gonna go on and go the fucking million dollar trade go on come on i got a million dollars in this come on i need to get this guy to get a 200 000 let's go one more lobby should i do one more lobby i think i'm going to do one more and maybe not i could say this is 20 000. come on 200 000. 200 a thousand i'll get the daily challenge come on come on come on more yes sell it yeah ah crack my knuckles that was a pretty good day i think that was a pretty good day that was a really good day oh this guy's it's over i beat this guy yes doesn't even have a chance i just make a little tiny little trade tomorrow and i win and i'm vice president of the company i tried using one of those gig services that manages all your other gig services all it did was fuck everything up i swear to god trading day today hey good trades the trade team good trades all around 13 16 14 come on 22 there it is 29 34 38. i have secured myself as vice president of the company congratulations you've been promoted to vice president the only position left for you to rise towards is managing director at the entire firm that would make you my boss there are a few vps vying for the position but my understanding is that you and an old friend of yours are the candidates that the miller family office is watching you've got the attention of important people now be careful only ceos work at the company i need to make five million dollars okay i'm in the end game here since this is probably going to be the end of our friendship i thought we might as well go out with a bang what are you talking about i made some calls spent a few bucks and as of this morning the two of us are untouchable until one of us wins this thing the pr harpies are on unlimited retainers and the hall monitors at tic are looking the other way no matter what you do the public opinion meter won't matter and you can break all the rules you want we're living in the good old days all over again pal had a two-hour head start but you wouldn't believe the sex act i had to what later 2.5 million million lobby eat shit lady why did you believe her oh shit yeah why would i believe her why would i believe a word she's saying [Music] [Laughter] i lose i think i lose i think i just lost i think i just got i think i just got yeah i lost did i do it and maybe i didn't do it enough to get the the federal uh commission on me you diversify the portfolio all right i'm going to go into aquafina we're going we're going 2.5 million bucks into aquafina come on water up get up ah shit okay whatever produce stuffs food stuff food stuff water water water water water i should have stayed in water fuck why did i get out of aquafirma i didn't even read this today i was too busy she got in my head talking about like oh yeah everything's free you can fucking break every rule in the book i didn't even need to look at that he lost money too how the fuck did you lose money wait hold on she wasn't lying how did we both lose money did we both get scared she wasn't lying so then she got into my head i thought she was lying but then she realized that she maybe maybe she had it wrong and she lost a bunch of money too accusations thrown today after a failed coup in the democratic republic of balcador elected officials in the ball corridor in congress claimed that agencies from the free state union were behind a violent coup attempt on the eve of a peaceful agreement war back on the menu where's war materials products weapons missiles what was the stupid coffee position whoa whoa whoa why is this 1.5 million 1.1 million what's happening with coffee 7.8 this is five it's 10 million a viral video has been seen several billion times has the video game business booming all right well i'm losing money in fucking walmart now come on 250 250 250 250 250 250 250 it's going it's going it's not stopping 250 and i get the daily challenge oh it's gonna go oh yes is it is it done that's it i win the daily challenge thank you oh you're gonna get crushed carol oh you made 170 thousand dollars today wowie update the office trader not so easy to be in your line of work with out geissnet geissner what are you talking about what is geistnet sure you all thought it was a hacktivism but no i'm afraid it was us we did enjoy watching all of you fly around without it though i don't even know what you're talking about you're under arrest for an insane number of crimes most of which you've committed brazenly in the past few days in fact what the hell are you thinking don't tell me somebody in one of your foolish little contests tricked you into thinking you were covered that's a problem with you people you think everything is a game and you've never lost anything for real we've got something else to discuss something in the big bigger picture shall we go various lawyers don't have a defense jesus christ does not have a defense not for you and you're a big enough fish to fry if you don't want to work with us we can live with that personally there's nothing i would rather see than you in prison for the rest of your life there are people who deserve to go down even more than you do and you know exactly who i'm talking about the millers the family office the names beneath the name the more you make the closer to them you get it's the only way to reach people like that and you're already off to a good start you can walk out of here today and go back to fario's like none of this ever happened state will fake your trial i'll do my best to get the agency to deal with your fine and you've become a confidential informant to the trade and investment commission this is not a negotiation you can help us take them down or you can take the fall yourself what'll it be is this a test yeah what if this is a paid actor from the company it's very possible this could be a paid actor and this is a test that guy seems pretty eccentric and weird doesn't he even trust him he has a fat ass do you wanna i don't know i feel like this is like uh i feel like this is a trick somehow i'm gonna say no i understand you think the family can save you from all this and even the government trying to take you out ultimately work for them too just like anyone but ask yourself this if they're really all so so powerful do you think they'll give a second thought to sacrificing you the moment that you become an inconvenience you think they got to where they are by rewarding loyalty even when it hurts well i guess it's all rhetorical at this point i guess you're going to find out as the defendant you've been called to testify a result of the overwhelming evidence against you over the past several months you've made substantial use of a dark web communication tool known as geissnet this is where i do like the like move my arms around like put my eyes rolled in the back of my head for this tool you were able to gain access to privileged information that enabled you to act on a legal foreknowledge of the movement of several markets do you admit to it yeah your honor that sounds like a mega man that sounds like a a map in mega man no i've i mean maybe once i saw i looked over the shoulder of somebody that was doing it no i have no idea what you're talking about because of the use of inside information fair competition in the coffee market was [Music] destabilized you understand you were responsible for this fair competition of the coffee market i was not responsible for this what are you talking about most significantly the cascade of all these actions resulted in nothing less than a civil war within the democratic republic of balcador do you realize that you did this for your own personal gain is this the part of the movie where i go yes yes it was yeah and i felt like my head starts spinning around i did it and i could have gotten away with it too but this little legal council had like a fucking big black cape on like like top hat like no i'm going to deny it i will not have this trial devolve into the kind of circus that led up to it again this court will limit itself to the rule of law the impact can be considered if and when the client has been found guilty well they won't be a verdict you've been found guilty [Laughter] of all charges please know that the jury wait did he just turn and say that to me please know that the jury required 15 minutes to reach this verdict i hereby impose a fine of 1 million dollars payable immediately holy shit that's awesome i have 10 million dollars in the bank your honor i wish to have it noted that a penalty of this amount implies the expectation that farios will accept liability on behalf of the employee and due to substantial liquidity problems at the moment i'm afraid that pharaohs will not be able to undertake this responsibility the employee will be forced to pay the full amount from their personal account is that it can i go can i get back to the desk but your owner think of how little this will leave them to begin the long and hard process of rehabilitating their character unfortunately it seems that a substantial portion of the funds are overseas held in shell companies or otherwise difficult to access fine i will put the matter to the defendant directly are you prepared to cooperate with this court to retrieve the payment required i say no no i am not i am not prepared yes take the million the matter is settled then the client will pay the amount order to be released presently this court is dismissed i have like 4.8 million dollars in my account you're still a millionaire they cracked you good huh you just lost more money than most people ever imagined well you know what they say easy come easy go with everything you've done i'm sure you can get back there the worst is past us what do you say you want to come back to fario's tomorrow's a new day no time like the present yes i want to stay at various and i'm coming for you motherfucker oh you thought this big song and dance here you thought you gonna get me thought you were gonna get rid of me as i remember i was up four million dollars to your measly one hundred and seventy thousand dollars and look where i am now and i'll be back to the fucking office tomorrow and your ass is gone you hear me you'll never get rid of me doesn't matter what you do i will always win goodbye see you tomorrow i got i got 7.4 million dollars 7.5 million let's go let's go let's go back in the saddle back in it back in the back of the smartphones they're on the rise smartphones lobby just do the lobbies again i forgot to buy i forgot to buy i forgot to buy i forgot to buy i forgot to buy it i've been out of the office for too long same mistakes

Channel: 2ndJerma

Views: 249,211

Keywords: jerma, jerma985, stream, highlight, The invisible hand, memes, stonks

Id: lHMrhOmihMk

Length: 36min 4sec (2164 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 18 2021