- Welcome to story time everybody. I'm pear. - And I'm orange. - Great, what now? - It's a voice modulator, just got it. - Awesome, well maybe put it away because I'm gonna tell
the story of Pinocchio, you wanna hear it? - Boy would I. (laughing) Get it? Boy, wood, that's a double pun son. - Well double congrats on
being double the annoying. Now then, you probably know
the G-rated Disney version of Pinocchio but the
original story isn't quite so suitable for children. (evil laughing) Orange, would you knock it off? - Sorry! - Anyway, the original
version of Pinocchio. Once upon a time there was a carpenter, one day he brought home a
block of wood he planned to carve into a table
leg, when he cut into it, the block of wood cried out. - [Orange] Wood, you stop that. - [Pear] Orange! - Okay, okay no more voice
modulator, I promise. That was the last one I swear. - [Pear] Anyway, the carpenter decided to give the wood block to his neighbor, a poor puppeteer named Japado, he carved the wood into a boy puppet and named him Pinocchio. - [Orange] Wait, I thought the block of wood yelled in pain when it got cut. - [Pear] That's right. - [Orange] So Japado
just ignored the screams and kept carving it? He must really hate Pinocchio. - Japado does not hate Pinocchio. - Oh yeah? Then why'd he give a name like Pinocchio? (laughing) - Moving on, the moment Japado finished carving Pinocchio's nose, it began to grow uncontrollably-- - [Orange] Killing Japado instantly, they won't tell you that
in the Disney version. - True, they won't because that's not how any version of the story goes. - I thought you said this
story wasn't suitable for kids. - I did but-- - [Orange] So let's get
some gore up in here, this is boring! Lets get to the murder. - [Pear] Orange! Pinocchio did not kill
anyone with his nose. - [Orange] Sure he did, that's why they're called
putty noses to this day. (laughing) - That was fun, now
back to the real story. Pinocchio was a mischievous little puppet, as soon as Japado gave him legs-- - [Orange] They grew super long. - [Pear] No. - [Orange] His neck grew super long. - [Pear] No. - [Orange] His legs started turning noses and he started stabbing people again. - [Pear] What? - [Orange] And this time he was thrice as deadly 'cause he
had three bloody noses. - That's it, gimme that! - Hey, gimme back my voice modulator, don't put my voice modulator
in the garbage disposal, don't turn on the garbage dispos-- (groaning) - Now, where were we? As soon as Japado gave him
legs, Pinocchio ran away. - [Orange] Yeah, my
version was way better, what a snooze past. - [Pear] Speaking of snoozing, when Pinocchio came home he fell asleep on the stove and his legs burned off. - [Orange] What? Yeah! - [Pear] But then Japado
built him new legs. (moaning) Oh, and Pinocchio threw a hammer at a talking cricket and killed it. - What? Pinocchio killed Jiminy Cricket? Finally we get some murder! - How did you get another voice modulator? - I wished for it upon a star,
oh wait, missed opportunity. - Okay, let's wrap this up. Basically Pinocchio ran
off with his new legs and did a bunch of
other mischievous things and got turned into a donkey. - [Orange] Ooh, did someone say donkey? (horse neighing) - Did that come from your voice modulator? - Yeah, that one came pre-programmed. Pretty cool, huh? - Nope. Anyway, in the end Pinocchio
became a real boy, the end. - [Orange] Ooh wait, I have
that one pre-programmed too. - [Announcer] The end! - How many things do
you have pre-programmed into that thing? - A lot! You wanna see my favorite? - Fine. - Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. (screaming) (laughing) (upbeat music)
