Anger - Dr. K. N. Jacob

good morning church i am so excited to see you this beautiful morning thank you so much for choosing to be in church you could have chosen to be anywhere else you chose to be in church this season we are doing an exciting summer series dubbed matters of the heart and today in particular i want us to discuss about anger i want us to talk about anger i read of a story years ago of a boy who used to lose his anger and his father wanted to help him to reform so the father held him by the hand took him to his gallery wall and then told him any single moment you lose your anger i want you to hammer a nail on your gallery wall on that particular day he hammered 11 nails as days passed by he realized it was easier to control his anger to manage his emotions than to hammer the gallery wall he was running out of room on that wall eventually the day came when he never lost his anger he went to the father and said dad i never lost any anger today and the father said for every single day you manage to control your anger remove just one nail any single day that you go through without being angry without losing your temper removed just one nil the boy didn't realize that the father was taking him through this process to help him raise self-awareness and self-regulation so he began to remove one nail every day he succeeded without being angry days turned into weeks weeks turned into months but eventually the day came when he removed all the nails a very excited visibly moved boy went to the father and said dad i have removed all the nails from the wall and the father held him the second time on his hand and took him to the wall and said son i want you to look at this wall it is irrepairably damaged scarred beyond recognition you can stub a man with a knife and draw out the knife but this car the wood is still there some things we say and do when angry can never be repaired in a lifetime anger is a human emotion it's a fact of life to deny anger is to deny our humanity we experience the emotion of anger too many times in a day in a week in the course of this week someone has angered you that's just a fact in fact i read some research that was very interesting that a married couple an average day they get angry eight to ten times on the lower side and that's before they get children anger is a secondary emotion usually a reaction to a primary emotion the primary emotion could be fear or frustration or heart someone talks you down in public you may reply or answer them in anger anger is a signal something isn't right our rights are being violated our wants our needs are not been adequately met anger is a signal that somebody is interfering with our personal space our beliefs our values our convictions are being compromised or violated in a given relationship or we are giving too much that we are comfortable to give or we are investing too much that we are comfortable in investing we can also be angry because of the opposite someone is doing too much for us at the expense of our personal growth and development at the expense of our own competencies and developing our competencies paul writes to the church at ephesus ephesians 4 26 and says this in your anger do not see do not let the sun go down while you're still angry in your anger do not sin so paul first acknowledges anger is a human emotion he does not say anger is sin but what you say and what you do can potentially be seen in fact james says if you never say anything amiss you are perfect in all your ways so getting angry is a natural human response what you do in your anger is the differentiator now and then he says do not let the sun go down while still angry do not go to bed before you resolve issues with your partner no matter how uncomfortable it is resolve the issue why it frees your heart to be able to hear each other and to be at peace in your place of work no matter how difficult it may feel or sound no matter how uncomfortable you become sort out issues with your colleague employees with your supervisor before you head home that will free your night to sleep properly now the process of solving the problem is never comfortable three weeks ago i had an issue with someone i'm doing a lot of corporate trainings this season in fact this particular week i'll be doing three of them in two different countries and one of the companies i started some trainings in february and i'm doing every single week and at some point i was getting frustrated with the leader of the meeting after i finished the training she would continue with q and a until people leave the meeting and i was getting frustrated and i said as much as she's my employer she's the one who has given me this job i need to tell him and i had to tell her look here i when we started the meeting we were 200 people by the time i gave you the meeting there was still 200 on board by the time you are doing the q a d we were about 20 people for me as a speaker i have one discipline i leave the meeting before the audience leaves me and that applies even online so it was difficult to tell her to raise her self-awareness that we don't have to ask a hundred questions there can be three questions of course that was not comfortable but the meetings have become better and we have retained the audience a hundred percent to the time of saying the grace now solving problems is never comfortable but that's what paul is saying do not let the sun go down while still angry because sometimes the people are fed in you do not even know they are offending you so when you solve a problem you free your heart to be at peace with yourself but there are many other reasons why anger is dangerous first i i read a research by the american college of cardiology and they did a research that drew a direct correlation between anger and heart disease a direct link between anger and heart disease that means for people with pre-existing heart conditions anger enhances the odds for stroke high blood pressure or living heart attack and for healthy people anger enhances the possibility of migraines headaches insomnia digestive problems including heart problems and high blood pressure anger compromises your health again makes you look ugly a peaceful spirit looks beautiful iga makes you look older than you are a job your spirit looks youthful anger makes you lose power makes you lose control whoever eggs you masters you whoever egg as you controls you when you're angry you relinquish your power to the person you think has endured you anger compromises your relationships no relationship will withstand continuous and endless assault by anger i tell you this you know emotions are contagious negative emotions repel positive people positive people are attracted by positive emotions here is the acid test if you have been stuck at one position in a corporate job market if you are stuck in one position chances are you need to enhance your emotional intelligence because trust me you will never be promoted based on your talents gifts qualifications and skills nobody can tolerate one who is unable to manage their emotions one who is lacking in self-awareness and self-regulation at home the number one cause for divorce is anger and failure to communicate any single marriage can withstand extramarital affairs that but interference fights from in-laws money job loss name it so long as the two people don't get mad because anger is madness so long as you can sit down together talk together reason together god says come let us now reason together isaiah 1 18. can you dare tell your partner at work your colleague in further studies at home come now let us reason together because anger compromises your relationships and what is the impact of that it compromises your personal productivity how you may ask you see you you naturally tend to withdraw from the person you think has angered you now unfortunately performance is of is is so much determined by teamwork by your ability to be a team player to work as part of a team so the moment you're angry and withdraw from your life partner you achieve your goals at a less pace because you're destroying each other in your place of work every place is an assembly line there is something someone is passing on to you and there is something you're passing on to the other person it doesn't matter what business you're doing what is your vocation so the moment you're angry say with the receptionist you immediately drop the ball and if you are working in a place like our good doctor here where there are many doctors she will definitely refer patients to other doctors not to the one who annoyed her does that make sense immediately your production comes down if you're working like our dick on here where they're selling cars and you're not just the receptionist any working workout they will never bring to you so somehow people bypass you because it's an assembly line this guy passes on to me the ball and i pass on the ball to this guy so they bypass me eventually your overall performance comes down simply because of anger you reap nothing but loss when you are angry and anger is a potentially dangerous emotion i came across a research very interesting research over 70 percent of all murder victims in the u.s had never ever committed any crime they were great citizens they were good entrepreneurs corporate employees of good repute they just acted out of anger sixty percent of all homicides were committed by someone who knew the victim a hundred of the mother convicts that were interviewed had no single no single criminal record the there were couples most of them and one of them acted in anger it ended up murdering someone and now they're in life imprisonment 27 percent of all policemen killed were killed trying to separate domestic violence think about the impact of anger you might ask me this morning so what do you do pastor now we hear you it is bad it's dangerous what do we do i wanna suggest to you three things number one number one slow down anger slow down anger you can slow down anger and i'll show you both in real life and in scriptures before i show you the scriptures on slowing down anger let me make it practical for you how to slow down your stims if you feel like hitting someone or calling them names of all domestic animals i am suggesting this morning before you open your mouth count one to ten in your silence just count you won't die some people behave like they're dying before they air out venom gas poison just hold your tongue don't do anything before you count up to ten if that can't work for you go to your kitchen and grab some cold water especially from the fridge you'd be surprised how it will lower your temperatures if that does not work get out of the house don't answer that person people have died because of silly arguments get out of the house walk in the wood you know nature has a way of reducing cortisol the stress hormone just taking a walk in the woods will manage your emotions if that does not work call afraid tell them hey paul hey i take vic my wife is an agent of the devil can you sort me out i tend to think this husband of mine is going to kill me be alive tonight please just talk with someone if you have no afraid to call you have no one to trust with your sensitive information go on your desktop write down everything you're feeling all the emerging and evolving emotions write them down better if you can write on a piece of paper why it takes more effort to write on a piece of paper than to type on your laptop why do that you are creating a safe space to vent you're airing out your feelings you're releasing the tension out of your body because once you speak it's out and then burn that paper the bible says do not keep a record of wrongs if you wrote it on a word document delete it even on the recycle bin don't try to keep it for future reference it will just destroy you you see what you did this date can you see again what you did this date do you remember what you said on christmas day do you remember what you told my mother ah this will just destroy you the bible says do not keep a record of evil the bible talks about slowing down anger and i wanna show you right that from the scriptures in james 1 19 james 1 19 my dear brothers and sisters take note of this everyone should be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to become angry you see when you're slow to speak you are slow to sin sin comes from your mouth jesus said what you eat never defiles you what defiles a man or a woman is what comes from your mouth from your heart if you just train yourself to be slow to speak especially when angry you avoid sinning proverbs 14 29 whoever is slow to anger has great understanding but he who has a hasted temper exudes fully anger is foolishness that's the word of god the moment you're able to manage your emotions the bible calls you wise this is true wisdom this is not the wisdom of the books this is what we call emotional intelligence george gottman accounts 67 percent of your success to emotional intelligence your iq your skills your qualifications your talents your gifts your hard work your resilience your persistence all combined from that three percent even your networking this is what your grandfather used to call natural wisdom did you ever hear that word this is what we are discussing this is not the knowledge from books books don't give you wisdom they give you information wisdom is the application of knowledge what you know we know your wives we know you are wise when we look at your life not when we look at your degrees i've seen stupid professors i have even talked with them we had one we taught together and the vice chancellor had to decide he is not going to give him his full salary the vice chancellor did something illegal half the salary was redirected to their wife's account because his children were accompanying the university with no school fees this is a full professor not an associate professor a professor of pure maths but not brains this is what the bible is saying if you can't control yourself you are failing in wisdom proverbs 12 16 proverbs 12 16 fools fools when i write like that on social media people feel like killing me but the bible calls them that those who follow me on social media you know how people crucify me but this is you know the bible does not hide it says fools show their annoyance at once by the prudent of a look and insult someone can call you because of your color but you don't have to throw stones at them it doesn't have to end up in a gunshot you can walk away and go home and live to fight another day fools every time you annoy them feast immediately but the wise the prudent they overlook an insult you can call them name and they walk out on you because they know it's not about them it's about you the problem is you so slow down your anger you can slow down your egg remember god never asks us to do what you're not in position to control so when paul says everyone should be quick to listen slow to speak slow to become angry you can slow down your anger and i told you how i told you drink some water count up to 10 walk in the woods call someone i give you a fifth one write on a piece of paper or vent on your laptop don't leave the chat saying i didn't give you practical ways of slowing down your anger never say i am a meru hey you can't understand that never say you know my tribe you know my race you know my bloodline we all boil this comes down from my grandfather whoa that's foolishness you don't have to pass down to your children the bad things you inherited from your grandparents they never had this someone you should be different number two this is tricky avoid angry people do you know the bible says that proverbs 22 24-25 do not make friends with a heart tempered person do not associate with one easily in god or you may land their ways and get yourself ensnared the bible is saying if you're always in the company of people who lose their temper you will eventually follow suit you will be like them don't be deceived bad company corrupts good morals first corinthians 15 33 no matter how good your values are if you consistently walk with angry people you will be angry some of you the reason you get angry it is because you deliberately listen to movies of angry people and then you practice it in real life without realizing your mom is not a movie your husband is not a movie this is not reality show this is real life so don't interact with angry people not even on tv not even on social media the bible the wisdom of solomon avoid them ecclesiastes 7 9 be not quick in your spirit to become angry for anger lodges in the heart of fools one of the things i love about the bible it doesn't call a fool someone lacking understudy it a cause of spiritual speed the word of god does not try to be besieged us or to pump our spirits or to massage our ego the bible calls things as they are anger recites lodges in the hearts of fools they destroy their families they destroy their jobs they destroy their businesses they destroy their health where is wisdom there the bible says this is foolishness when you are angry you're destroying yourself you're destroying your family you're destroying your work you're destroying your own bank account where is wisdom you may be asking me pastor how can i hear you what do i do and their great guy is my husband what do i do when the ugly person is my wife what do i do when the angry person is my mother or my son what do i do when that person is angry i can't do away without them you know it's very hard to deal an enemy you love it's very hard to deal with an enemy who lives inside of you that's the complication right now in israel palestinians and jews living together have not seen this kind of bombing in residential areas in my lifetime it is unbelievable it's easier when the when israel was dealing with the arab states in 1967 or yom kippur war of 1973 but when you're dealing with two enemies residing in the same house it is a difficult choice here is my message for you call your husband call your wife call your mom call your son call your mother-in-law whoever angers you sit down with them and tell them hey please you have to manage your anger here is the deal you have to challenge them you cannot get along with others until you get along with yourself you've got to stand up to someone and tell them we can't continue like this i'm telling you this many people have died in the hands of the so-called loved ones because they couldn't manage their anger you'll be surprised i believe in marriage i believe in marriage stability but i don't believe in anyone living in a hostile environment i don't believe in anyone living where there is physical asset physical violence because i have seen too many things go wrong in too many marriages people write to me from all over the world so at some point you've got to tell someone this cannot continue tell me how i can help you manage your anger but we cannot continue together like this i've seen people heal simply because they separated a year or two later someone was able to reflect and were able to come back together they never filed for divorce but their separation enabled the partners to think through what they want i hate divorce god hates divorce but moses gave a certificate of divorce because of how people killed each other in marriage so you've got to stand up and say hey this has to be addressed you cannot continue calling me names you cannot continue pointing at me fingers we have partners in this marriage there in marriage power is shared there's a leader yes the man is the head of the family but power is vested into individuals they are partners if you're the hungry person the one i'm talking to the one who is intimidating all those in your jurisdiction the bible has a message for you psalms 37 verse 8 refrain from anger and for sick wrath fret not yourself it is on retest to evil and the bible says refrain avoid god i told you last sunday god never tells mothers to love their children why he has already deceived it in nature god never asked you to do what he has seen in nature god never gives a command that we are unable to obey when he says refrain it is because you're able to control can i give you evidence i have seen men who find their wives at home yet they have a very annoying boss and they have never slapped him there is a cop that stopped them on the highway or somewhere unfairly and they never lost their control and beat the cop some of them go for night pubs and they are annoyed because these guys support chelsea and their liverpool fan or whoever and they don't lose control and begin beating the other men in the pub so they identify the wife at home as a weak point area man you're not a husband you are a beast in the human society we don't operate like that it's not about the abundance of your muscles it is the abundance of your brains so if you can control yourself in your workplace you can control yourself you have never beaten your mother who is so annoying you can control yourself when dealing with your husband when dating your wife when dealing with your child some people just lose cool with their children because of their non-performance in the marketplace they vent on their frustrations on their child in the disguise of discipline the bible says refrain from a refrain number three and the last one what do we do about anger walk in the spirit walk in the spirit galatians 5 16 so i say walk in the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh verse 19 the acts of the flesh are obvious sexual morality impurity debauchery idolatry witchcraft hatred discord jealousy feats of rage feats of rage anger frequent anger selfish absence dissensions those are divisions factions verse 22 but the fruit of the spirit is love joy peace forbearance kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness gentleness self-control the fruit of the spirit self-control you don't just obey your emotions you have self-control you are gentle jesus said we shall know them by their fruit not by their gift some will cut out demons heal the sick and go to hell i didn't say that jesus said not all who call me lord lord shall enter the kingdom of god jesus said some will come on that day and say i hear the sick in your name i cut out demons in your name and jesus would turn them away from me workers of iniquity i never knew you that's a very sensitive place to be in that's a very pentecostal person therefore casting conducting healing crusades and jesus says i never knew you why it's not about the gifts and the manifestations of the gifts out there it's about the fruit we know you have jesus in you when you have that fruit of the spirit you know it's nine elements we have to see the fruit of the spirit love joy and where the fruit exists there cannot be anger forbearance kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness self-control it's a fruit why fruit is a product you have to nurture the tree water the tree it's not deliberate it's a process we are working progress self-control is not something god can give you it's not a gift hey you didn't get this don't even pray over it it's not something god can give you god cannot give you character gifts gifts or tongues gifts of healing gifts of interpretation of tongues discernment gifts of raising the dead gifts of service gifts of giving while we all giving church some people have a unique gift of giving but character you have to develop these three has to grow you have to nurture it you have to let yourself control you have to not have forbearance you have to nurture gentleness by raising your own self-awareness as i pray for the guys who are getting saved i don't want you to be a spectator in today's service i'd like you today to literally go on your knees literally not figuratively the church is clean it's on carpet go on your knees and ask god what are you telling me today which areas was i angry can you set me free from this area i want to be gentle i want to have self-control i want to invite you to see god in prayer literally on your knees and as you do that i'll be inviting the guys who are getting saved to come to jesus take a moment and ask god what are you telling me today what are you saying to me right now go ahead seek the lord in prayer [Music] if you're following me online you want to receive the lord jesus christ to be your lord and savior i want to invite you right now the spirit of god will defeat anger in you and destroy the hostilities in your bloodline break the generation of curses and god will give you a blood a brand new start a fresh start in your life if you want to receive the lord jesus to be your lord and savior pray this prayer with me lord jesus christ come into my heart be my lord and my savior in jesus name amen if you prayed that prayer you are a child of god your sins are forgiven and i will pray for you in just a moment and never again will you walk in anger you need to nurture the spirit of self-control and gentleness and faithfulness goodness kindness forbearance love joy and peace but meantime please write to me on this facebook live i prayed to be saved just write on this facebook live i pray to be saved i will identify you reach out to you and share with you some materials that will help you grow as a new believer in christ if you're following me on youtube please write as a comment on this youtube video i prayed to be saved and we will reach out to you lord i thank you for those who are watching me online and i thank you for those who in this church in this life audience and right now in the name that is above our names i break every generation of hostility in the name of jesus i stand on your promises oh god i break every generation of curse in the name of jesus the families of god's children will not be breaking because of anger i speak your peace in our hearts i speak your peace in our families i speak productivity and performance in our places of work i speak prosperity in our businesses lord jesus christ you died that we may become rich in christ you are striped that we may be healed lord you became sin that we may become the righteousness of god we stand on your promises on the finished work of jesus on the cross and i decree and declare everyone listening to me in this life audience and those following me online i decree and declare them healed in the name of jesus from the head to their toes no ailment no sickness no virus for guy bacteria protozoa no single infirmity will be resident in their bodies in the name of jesus name above all names i decree and declare they will walk in righteousness no more backsliding no more wrestling in sin no more wrestling in filthiness i pray almighty god they will walk in the light of god may thy word be the lamb to our feet and the light to our way and i decree and declare none of your children will wallow in poverty none of your children will struggle to make ends meet david writes a habinium and now i am old i've never seen the righteous forsaken of their seed begging for bread i pray for the prosperity of your children may you leave them to higher ground may they sense the favor of god in their lives may they walk in your favor may they walk in abundance jesus you died for abundance you said you have come to give us life and to give us more abundantly may we walk in your favor may we walk in your abundance may we walk in your breakthrough father this week may you open a door for this sister may you open a door for this brother adore the enemy cannot shut may you make a way where there seems to be no way oh we bless your name jesus do you come through for this marriage in the name of jesus may you come through for these entrepreneurs in the name of jesus may you cause promotion oh god to an employee listening to me in the name of jesus lord as your church we stand on this sanctuary to pray for india the deaths due to covet are built counting lord we pray in the name of jesus may you remember idiot oh god may you remember that country and said a wave of healing said you rescue o god in the name of jesus lord we thank you for israel we thank you for every jew we thank you for every palestinian we thank you for gaza strip in particular we intercede on their behalf today may there be peace in that region oh lord god of israel we speak of your peace in jerusalem jerusalem means the city of peace peace has been so elusive in the city of refuge we pray for stability this part of the world and also in syria in cambodia in afghanistan in yemen oh father in the name of jesus may your peace reign we love you lord we bless your name thank you for covering 19 vaccine thank you for revealing this wisdom to medical science and we pray these vaccines will be available all around the world and your people will be willing to be vaccinated lord we love you lord we bless your name can i have your hands like this please walk this week in power walk in victory walk in god's favor in jesus name everybody said amen before nemo comes let me just say something you can come let me just say something i know many many people since last year i've had an attitude about coving 19 vaccine i took the vaccine and i made it public and i posted it on facebook it's now a month since i took my second dose if you don't feel comfortable that's okay but i want to tell you this i'll be taking you through a huge lesson the end of times we call it eschatology but i want you to know there are a lot of people who are misled by people who don't understand scriptures and i don't want to teach it's a huge huge huge topic for now let me just tell you this nobody will receive the mark of the beast without knowing you will not be tricked into trading your soul eternally carving 19 vaccine is a vaccine like any other like polio vaccine or any other vaccine if you're not taking that vaccine you are failing us i need to tell you the truth go take that vaccine now they have even opened for the young ones just two days ago we took zig he's that thing because they just opened it last week go take vaccine i'm telling you as your pastor seriously speaking you're endangering your life and endangering the lives of many many people have died to cover 19. you don't know people who have died because of the vaccine please i plead with you go take coffee 19 vaccine for your good and for the good of the people around you amen that was powerful do you agree with me you know i think i'm a very peaceful person so anger was not going to be my you know but oh god oh god yes it was not by accident i was here and you tuned in to hear about that powerful message you know doc what i love about you is you just don't talk you back it with the word of god and many times i want to go home and review what you said and even look at the word of god it is right there you know for me i like that the word of god says what a prudent what prude the prudent of a look an insult many times thinking you know what it's over i'm gonna show you that hey it's not gonna work but you know what i'm walking out of these doors knowing that hey the prudent overlook insults so those of you that joined us we are excited you tuned in i i hope you have so much you're thinking about even as we go through the matters of the heart i kind of don't want this to end because man it is deep by the end of this i don't know whether you guys will recognize me because i'll be so cool right so i hope you're thinking the same thing those of you that joined in later we sang this song he is intentional never failing so at this point i want you to be intentional because the details are on your screen so let us give back to god gifts of love and let it be intentional from a good place i've been a christian for many many years but let me tell you this time around it is different i used to give because they give okay i'll give right i'll give but maybe i can leave about maybe ten dollars because i want to do my nails and i will tip you know the girl doing my nails because that's also giving i'm giving to the you know no i got it it's exciting not even because of what i'll get in return but it's so beautiful to worship god in our giving so go ahead and do that family church thank you and before you go since we can't talk to you in person that's why we keep saying it matters that you leave us your takeaway in the comments line we love you walking with them this week right be intentional god bless you hey were you inspired by this video kindly like and share with your friends family and colleagues and remember to subscribe to my youtube channel dr k and jacob and enjoy hundreds of inspirational videos free of charge

Channel: Dr. K. N. Jacob

Views: 8,139

Rating: 4.8271604 out of 5

Keywords: Motivational, talk;, Inspiration;, Preaching;, Teaching;, Personal, Growth;, Development;

Id: N5Xb_xr7F6U

Length: 44min 52sec (2692 seconds)

Published: Sat May 22 2021