An Autistic Mom with 2 Autistic Kids (And Husband with ADHD)

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I loved this! I usually don't have the attention span for longer videos (thanks, comorbid ADHD) but I watched the whole thing. I loved seeing the ways that she made an effort to be loud and take up space (like her really colorful glasses, nails, shoes) in a way that meshed with her comments at the end about autistic adults needing to be more willing to take up space. That's something I've definitely spent a lot of time grappling with, even with things as simple as clothing choices.

πŸ‘οΈŽ︎ 10 πŸ‘€οΈŽ︎ u/poortobias πŸ“…οΈŽ︎ Feb 05 2022 πŸ—«︎ replies

Just the first sentence... I have always seen myself as Smeagle.

This was lovely in a way, they seemed to understand and love each other so much. I do feel sad for how she sees herself after all the rejection she's experienced, she seems wonderful.

πŸ‘οΈŽ︎ 7 πŸ‘€οΈŽ︎ u/chanchan52 πŸ“…οΈŽ︎ Feb 05 2022 πŸ—«︎ replies

This was beautiful. I know there are hard parts, believe me.

But I'm so happy for her, a lovely family, embracing who she is, at least 1 sibling to confide in.

You go jasmine!

πŸ‘οΈŽ︎ 5 πŸ‘€οΈŽ︎ u/usr_van πŸ“…οΈŽ︎ Feb 05 2022 πŸ—«︎ replies

love this guy on youtube!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ︎ 2 πŸ‘€οΈŽ︎ u/sugaredsnickerdoodle πŸ“…οΈŽ︎ Feb 05 2022 πŸ—«︎ replies

I am in the process of figuring myself out and getting a possible diagnosis. But like almost all of it is relateable to me. I have always felt like an alien between human species.

Also, the part where they talked about being honest. Why can't I just say to people that their new shirt looks like crap? Why do I have to lie and tell it's a nice shirt when in reality it's not? After all, they have asked me how their new clothing looks like.

Thank you for posting this video.

πŸ‘οΈŽ︎ 2 πŸ‘€οΈŽ︎ u/[deleted] πŸ“…οΈŽ︎ Feb 06 2022 πŸ—«︎ replies

This was really great to watch, I really relate to her and how she described herself really resonated with me. She seems like such an interesting person, I hope she's able to find more people she feels comfortable around and actually stay close with

πŸ‘οΈŽ︎ 2 πŸ‘€οΈŽ︎ u/thraem0 πŸ“…οΈŽ︎ Feb 09 2022 πŸ—«︎ replies
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- [Man] What is it like being an autistic adult? - It's like being Smeagol. - [Man] What is.. I don't know what Smeagol is. - Smeagol was Gollum from "Lord to Rings." It's kind of like I'm in the cave like, and then the hobbits come and they're like "what is that thing?" And that's what it is like for me, it's kind of like, what is that thing and why is she twerking? - [Man] Is marriage what you expected? - It's actually better than what I expected. - [Man] How is it better? - I mean he cooks, he cooks great mac and cheese. He learned how to cook potato salad and mac and cheese. Right, and what else? Yeah. - I'm reduced to mac and cheese and potato salad. Wow, isn't that horrible. - We got a better marriage than most of the marriages I grew up seeing. So for me this is pretty sweet like this is one of the best marriages I've seen. - Well, I think the open lines of communication I think that's sort of the way we're able to talk to each other I think I'm kind of blunt myself as well as her. So it kind of works well. - And I accept him the way he is, I wish he shaved more but I accept them the way he is and I wish he dressed better. - Well yeah, you gotta remember... - I mean, they ask the truth. - That truth, that's true. You gotta keep in mind though where I'm at most days, what I mean you're in a rail yard most days I'm not there to impress people. - He wears too much cologne. - Sometimes, yeah. You don't wanna stink when you come back from work either. - I don't know what to say. Everybody else seems know exactly how to get along with each other, what to say, how to be human. I feel like an alien in my own like species. I'm not like other people and it makes me want to hide, I guess. - [Man] How would you describe Jasmine. - Too different people. I think she probably said that herself too, inside the house and around the kids in the family, I would say she's a lot more open, a lot more talkative, lot more loving, lot more outgoing and then we sort of we step out the house and I think it's kind of she's kind of tries to more or less fade into the background a little bit. It's tough for her because she's very pretty and she kind of stands out the big sparkle glasses she loves to kind of show off as far as looks wise go. But it's funny because I think that's kind of like a.. I think it's something she does maybe to disarm people. What I mean, to make people think that she's friendly and she's outgoing, but it's kind of funny when you try to talk sometimes I think that she gets tongue-tied and frozen a little bit, especially when she's in a new environment. - I've been told something was wrong with me in my entire life. I have been told that I should be more like other people not understanding why or how like how can I be more like them and then I would watch people and I would watch how my more like vibrant friends would talk to people. So I realized that people like compliments. So I started to give a lot of compliments, but then people would think that I was flirting with them. So now, I have to take it back a little bit because that's not great either and I just wanna get along. - [Man] Is it hard for you to be yourself in front of other people? - I don't think that I can be self in front of other people. I don't really think many people actually not to rule me outside of my family. I don't think anyone does actually. - [Man] What's that like for you? - What, knowing that she doesn't really show herself. It can be tough sometimes, especially when people ask you questions like, oh does Jas does not wanna.. They misinterpret a lot. So is she not happy to be here? Or does she not wanna be in this spot or this place? So sometimes it can be tough like that where you're kind of, you're going back and you're talking like if my family say, "Oh, is Jasmine okay, she seemed a little bit upset today. She didn't seem like she wanted wasn't herself or didn't want to talk." Or this, that and it's kind of you just kind of say "Sometimes things can be overwhelmed." - [Man] What would you like to say to people when they have those thoughts and concerns? - I would say don't take it personal, because it's not that I don't like people and I really do wanna talk. It's just that it's a lot of fear around it. I'm really like I guess fearful of ostra being ostracized. I really I'm . - So you're an autistic adult. Did you know you were an autistic kid? - No, but I can tell you from the get-go, everyone knew something was different about me. All the kids could tell that I was not like them and I was ostracized as a child out and from the get-go. - [Man] When did you first start to realize that you're autistic? - After my second child was diagnosed and it was just kinda like I saw so many similarities between me and my children. - [Man] Are you too ready for you - Yes - [Man] Big, awesome interview. - Sha-do-do-do-do - Logan. - Sha-do-do-do. Presenting Logan. Presenting, presenting testing, testing one, two, three - And four - When my son started lining up toys and my mom was like, "Oh, that's not an issue You did that too." And when she reminded me that she had to grind my food up until I was eight years old, and when I saw a woman at the grocery store maybe three years ago, and she said, "You're the one that used to eat the baby food till you were like 11." So yeah, those things kinda seemed a little bit different. - [Man] Are you ready for the first question of the interview? - Yes. - No not yet, we have to say sha- do-dooba - And I remember his dad going, "He's fine. He's just really reserved like your wife is." - Yeah. - [Man] It was that a moment for you where you.... - I realized that, oh man, I 'cause I'm like 'This kid's really autistic I'm?" I learned about the lining the toys and the spinning and a food thing and the flapping because I still flap when I get excited and I eat oatmeal every day for like probably the past 30 years and I can't not do it. - [Man] What type of feelings did you experience when you realized, "oh my God, I've been autistic my whole life." - It was the most relieving even thing in the world because it's like, I'm not crazy. I'm not just like dysfunctional. I just thought that I was a failed human being that I was a woman who couldn't keep a job, couldn't keep a friendship, couldn't keep anything together in my emotions when I was very upset and then finding out. Okay, there's a reason I'm this way it just became a relief. I know, I was able to learn to love myself afterwards. - [Man] When you look at Jasmine, what do you think? - Do I think she is my beautiful, sexy, outgoing, poignant, overly historical wife. - [Man] Do you enjoy sharing facts about history? - Yes, but nobody likes to hear about history Like all the time, like all the, all the time. I was so angry reading about "Julius Caesar" the other week and how he adopted Octavian. It made me so angry after reading the book made me angry again, even though I read about it like years ago. - [Man] Why does it make you angry? - Because yeah, Mark Anthony was the obvious choice. - [Man] How do you feel when you hear Jasmine talk about her interest? - I'd like to hear some of them, sometimes I'm like, all right, baby. Why don't you? You know what I mean cause we could wrap some of this stuff up a little bit because again there's only so much engagement that I can have in a certain subject. - [Man] Would you talk about it all the time? - Yes, I say that I love to talk about Romulus to Romulus, and that's kind of my thing. "The First Emperor Rome" and Last Emperor Rome". - [Man] They had the same name. - Yeah, one was like he named himself after the other one. So thinking it would bring him power, but he got murdered and so didn't really do him well and I just like history of the world it's interesting. I read a lot about "Ancient China." I did the history of "Sri Lanka" not that long ago. I read about the history of England often and I read American history, South American history. I just pick something in the dictionary and I go out and that's spend probably about two to three hours of my free time at night reading the encyclopedia. - [Man] You said you read the dictionary as well? - Yes. - [Man] How often? - Every day. - [Man] For how long? - Not as long as the encyclopedia, just maybe a few words and then I go to encyclopedia. I like to make sure that whatever I'm reading and encyclopedia I understand completely. - [Man] So on an average day, how much time do you spend reading? - I read about maybe two hours a day and I listen to audio books about five. - [Man] What are the audio books about? - Well, I like audiobooks on history I like audiobooks on theology, and I like audio on sci-fi. - [Man] Do you know a lot of other people like yourself? - I would say that a lot of people who've gone in and out my life have been on the spectrum, especially my closer friends when I were younger, either dad or people with strong personalities that could beat up the bullies. - [Man] Were you bullied a lot? - Yes, often even in adulthood. - [Man] What is adulthood bullying like? - Oh, I would say adulthood bullying is just kind of like ostracizing, like acting like I'm not dare or underhanded comments. I get that a lot. - [Man] Tell me about when you first started to realize that your wife like be autistic. - I think that you start to see that she developed sort of patterns the way how she operates. - We have a set routine and it keeps us centered. It keeps us like (exhales deeply) it keeps the peace. It keeps us all from going crazy. because we all have sensory issues, all four of us and that can be a nightmare. - I would say that after we had our children now Logan and MaKayla, it started to become a little bit more prevalent because again, I kind of had viewed autism through sort of my family's eyes with my brother and my nephews and not being autistic. So it was maybe a little bit different because it's so different from her than like maybe my brother I mean, I grew up with him. He was only a couple years younger than me. So it's tough to sort of coin it out to pull it out and see exactly some of those things that came about, but as the kids started to develop and as I started to see the things in the kids and I saw the other things with the therapist and all I could a lot of those same traits that she sort of possessed. - We're all different, you meet one, you just meet one and we're I'm nothing like another autistic person, but there may be some similarities overall, even within the ones within my own family we are very different. - [Man] Is it hard when your routine changes? - Yeah. - Why is it hard when your routine changes? - I don't. - Because he's a peanut, it's again. (Logan humming) - [Man] Why do you think it's hard when Logan's routine changes? - He definitely has hard time transitioning. So if we're like trying to end, let's say like time playing maybe video games, we try to do a little bit of schoolwork. I think that he's very headstrong. He kinda likes to do what he likes to do at his time and he likes to engage with things and people on his own terms, and that can be kind of tough. I think for him to kind of have to do things that he doesn't necessarily prefer to do. - [Man] What's it like to be an autistic mom? - It's like insanity all the time. I have to wake up at least an hour before everyone just to get myself mentally situated for getting the day ready. I worry all the time, I hyper focus on what I need to do for the kids. I have to wear headphones all the time when I'm with my children unfortunately, because if not I'm probably on the floor crying. - [Man] Do they ever wear headphones also? - Nope, they got lucky. They like the noise, - Dad's room. (Logan humming) - [Man] When somebody meets your family for the first time, what do you hope they think? - I just hope that they think that my kids are well taken care of and well loved being an autistic mom to me just feeling like I wish that I was more neurotypical so that I can give my children the typical experience. I'm not the mom that can drive to soccer class. I'm not the mom that can go to all out places where other kids are. I'm kind of just me, but in another way, I feel like I understand them better than a typical mom. I allow them to be themselves for better or worse and they don't have any filter and part of me likes that because I do appreciate the honesty. - [Man] What's it like to have a lot of energy? - You like to have energy to spin? - [Man] Does it feel good or is it hard having a lot of energy? - It's hard a lot of energy I think. - [Man] What was it like when you told both of your families about your diagnosis? - Well, when told my mom, she was just like, "Oh, look at my baby's autistic." And that was it and my sister was like, "Make sense." - [Man] What did you think when Jasmine told you that she's autistic? - "Oh yeah, that makes sense." (both laughing) - [Man] Did her diagnosis make you start to look at yourself? - Yeah, it made me look at myself a lot more like maybe you might be on to something with that. - If I didn't have my sister and my mom, then I really wouldn't talk to anyone. - [Man] Are you autistic Also? - I'm actually in the process of figuring that out. So I started to pursue an autism diagnosis. - [Man] If you had to put a percentage number on the likelihood of you being autistic, what would you put it? - Like 90%. - Hundred. (chuckling) - She's said hundred. - Why are you sure Jasmine? - 'Cause I knew her as a kid. - Yeah. - Picky eater, refuse to wear shoes, socks and shoes would make her just feel tortured. She looks at people can have like you never, you expect somebody to look at you and like respond. She'll just go like.. So she looks at you like you're dumb, but she doesn't realize that she's making you feel like an idiot. - [Man] Do you have trouble with social cues? - Yes. - [Man] Why are social cues tough for you? - I don't get people very well. (chuckling) I really don't. So I've been spending my entire life study how other people interact with each other as well as how they interact with me so that I can simulate that to other people when I'm trying to communicate. - [Man] And I know a lot of times people use the word masking for presenting yourself in a way that's not really you have you experienced that? - Yes, I can mask very well for one in three hours, depending on what like social situation like at my church. I can pretend to be normal long enough through a church service And then I have to hightail home. where I can rock back and forth, put my headphones on because I wear headphones all the time and I can just let loose I can pace. I do the things that tend to calm me 'cause even the hour to three hours with other people is very trying. - [Man] Are you mask right now at all? - Maybe a little bit 'cause I'm sitting still not rocking back and forth, but... - [Man] why do you feel like you can't though? - Because everybody's gonna see me and I just I'm really nervous about that. I've been really nervous for days because I'm like, people are gonna see me. - [Man] What's it like for you when you see Jasmine masking in public? - I think that's just every day. I think I just I'm sort of used to that at this point. I guess I'm kind of used to seeing Jasmine, home Jasmine then and then outside Jasmine. - [Man] What's it like to know that not many people actually know her like you do. - I don't know, I feel like maybe some people are missing out. You know what I mean, that's what it comes down to. I think there are people maybe that we've maybe met, casual friends or whatnot that don't necessarily know, how great she is and what she can bring in the world. - I constantly have to pretend that I'm, that I'm somebody that I'm not in order to even communicate for a few seconds actually like it's really hard to maintain and I end up just isolating or not trying to communicate with anybody. - [Man] If you could send a message to the entire world, what would it be? - I would say that autistic adults exist and we're suffering because the world's not made for people like us and we people, we understand everything. But when you don't understand social cues, it makes it very isolating because people might be interested in talking to you when they first meet you, but when you,.. for a person like me, I only really can talk about like my interest and unfortunately, most people aren't interested in the same things that I can talk for hours about. - [Man] What's a special interest? - A special interest is like just a subject that, maybe a person knows an extreme amount about. - [Man] What is your special interest? - History. - [Man] What's your favorite thing about history? - My favorite thing about history is just that like for me, when I'm reading it the page and the people they come alive, they seem more real to me than people in real life do because I can understand things they have already happened. I can't understand like social interactions. - [Man] All these characteristics, she has all these routines do you find them charming? - Yeah, I do. It is kind of fun it's funny. I'll pick at her a little bit about it like "Hey, maybe we should change it up and have some, I don't know some pancakes or eggs." Or something like that and it's kind like she's stuck kind of in that routine of eating the same thing. - [Man] Are you able to perceive when he is joking around? - No, and I don't like jokes. - Why not? - Because I'm usually the butt of them. - [Man] What's it like for you cause I can tell you're a guy who likes to joke around. - I could be tough sometimes because I have to gauge what is the appropriate way to joke and what's not the appropriate way to joke because again, I used to think she was very sensitive before the whole autism diagnosis. I was like, "Oh you gotta stop being so sensitive." It's we're just playing around and having fun sometimes, but then I started to kind of see that it, she really did take it internally a lot and it wasn't even stuff like it was meant to go to her towards her direction. It was kind of just like whimsical things you just kind of joke around about each pick each other at. - [Man] So if somebody's making a joke and in a teasing type of way does that hurt you? - Yes, but I realize when other people are talking and they're laughing, I can, (laughing) I know how the fake, like I understand or care. - [Man] But inside, what are you thinking? - I usually don't get it. - [Man] Do you have a special interest as well? - Yes. - [Man] What is it? - I really love "Zelda". I really love "Zelda". - [Man] What do you love about Zelda? - It's like a childhood of interest I grew into like just this comfort, comfort series for me. So I come back to it a lot when I'm feeling really stressed. Like if I don't wanna talk to anybody and I'm going go sit in my corner, I'm probably watching videos about it, I like drawing a lot of the characters too. (chuckling) So I spend a lot of my time drawing these characters a lot. - [Man] How often do you draw them? - Every day, every day. - Do you two ever talk about your special interests together? - Yes. - Yeah, I'm a big "Zelda" fan. - I have.. - Yeah, she has a tattoo. I have a Zelda tattoo with my jigglypuff socks 'cause I'm really in the Pokemon. - Yeah. - So yeah, we have a lot of the same interest, so it makes it very easy. It makes it very easy to talk to her for a very long time. I have friends that I text, but that I probably haven't seen in years. - [Man] Why haven't you seen them? - Because I don't leave the house because they're texters. They're autistic is well, but I really haven't left the house more besides church in well over seven and a half years. - [Man] And it sounds like you crave socialization. - I do, but I just don't think that most people would even be interested it in getting to know me. I just feel like they would look at me and be like, "Oh, like what is she doing?" - [Man] Does Jasmine ever tell you about her desire to make friends? - Yeah, we've talked about it. It certainly seems like people or either come in and out quickly, there's no real like longevity to a lot of the friendships and a lot of seem like they're more surface level. - I can't imagine anybody really wanting to be my friend. I haven't had like a true friend besides like one or two people that I've known for a very long time for a very, very, very long time. I couldn't imagine like a person being like, "Hey, I wanna be your buddy." That doesn't happen. - How long have you two been together? - 15 Years long and we've been married for almost 11. - [Man] How would you describe your marriage? - I would say that it is colorful. - Yeah, certainly. There's been a lot of ups and downs too, you know what I mean. Dealing with, I guess dealing having children. I mean dealing with how to raise children have time management that goes along with that. Dealing with each other's issues. - [Man] What's it like to be autistic and married to somebody who's not autistic? - Well, it's good he has ADHD because he matches my energy. He can hyperfocus. He also likes history. So we watch documentaries together. We play video games together. We like to take walks. We like to he's a debater. So I don't like that much but, like he likes to like he can debate anything and it's pretty ease simple because he's a doer and when I'm anxious, he's usually just like, "I'm doing, Hey, I'm a mover in the shaker." That's literally him. He's moving and shaking Tim and then he has like a lame wife who is in the corner doing nothing. - [Man] Do you think that you understand your wife more because you do have ADHD? - Yeah, but I think it show little bit different for me because she has.. There are times when I feel like I can get like super hyper focused on certain things and then there's other times where I feel like that I can't like my brain is all over the place. I could start like a project and then I have a failure to sort of finish that project. Then there's a lot of forgetfulness side things that comes alongside. So where she like remembers everything there are a lot of times where she'll get back and say, "I told you this two weeks ago." And I'm like," I don't remember, I don't remember." I kind of remember, but I don't necessarily remember or then like sometimes I'll make plans a couple days before, like when we have made plan like a month or two before that, and I'll be like," Oh, I didn't remember that we made that plan like a month ago." And then I'll be like, Oh no. And then I gotta, then I gotta kind of put my foot in my mouth and maybe call somebody and cancel or try to figure some things out so. - [Man] Tell me about your husband. - Tim is very high proactive. He's very nice. He's he's always doing something, so you can't get him to sit. - [Man] What's it like to be married to a man with ADHD? (Tim chuckling) - I don't know that's him. When I think of Tim this is him. He's moving and shaking. He's here, here, here, here, here is this like he's overwhelming. He stresses me out cause he just can't sit, but then he'll say the same thing that I can't sit. So I think it's kind of perfect. - Yeah, we kind of see each other from that. (chuckling) It is kind of funny be with your kids. - So yeah, we're super neurodiverse family. (Tim chuckling) - What is that like? - For us? - Down please. - You can hold this pillow for us. I would say that it's very normal. This is our normal so I guess I wouldn't, know any different way. - [Man] You've talked about the times where you're just out gas and you can't socialize. Do you ever feel like that with your own high husband? - Yeah, He's just moves too much. Really, that literally is you he's just always moving. He talks a mile a minute and then especially if it's a sports day, I just wanna be far away, but luckily there's so many hot football players that I can watch and understand the game. - [Man] Is Jasmine always honest. - I would say yes, but I would say honest and, but she's I could always tell she's honest is what she says, but then you can kind of see she's holding things back and I can kind of pick up on that. Like yeah, she's not totally telling me exactly everything, but when the words have come out of her mouth, certainly honest. - And neurotypicals can't handle the truth all the time. They don't like it like really straightforward to be honest. - [Man] But you're honest and blunt, but at the same time you mask. - Well, I don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings. people like," Oh, I just bought this shirt from Walmart and they wanna hear, oh nice shirt, not, oh you look like crap, take a back." So I just, Nice shirt Barb" like random name, so you have to do that stuff because they say, how do I look? They don't really wanna know how they look. They want you to tell them they want you to reinforce how they already feel. - Get good, good. (Logan humming) - [Man] Did your family face obstacles being a family that they is so near divergent? - I would say certainly, trying to come together as far as where everybody's energy level is sometimes can sometimes be a little off - [Man] when you see Jasmine with their kids and their family. Does it make you want the same thing? - No. - [Man] What does it make you think? - It makes me think man, I'm kind of lucky. (chuckling) - You're very excited because they've watched your videos. (Logan humming) So with the lights and everything, it is causing an extreme overstimulation right now. You're really getting to see what they're like when they excited. - [Man] Do you wish that you knew you were autistic when you were just a young kid? - Yeah, I wish I knew that there was something going on because then I could have learned to accept it myself at a younger age. Instead in my thirties it was very rough. Just thinking you are not right. I've been called the R word, I've been called afflicted, special, quirky. I mean, there's so many words for what I am that isn't what I am that haven't been very great and I know a lot of people like being quirky, but to me it's I usually noting means that I'm acting different, and I spent so many years trying to be like other people that I stopped going out because it was just too hard. - [Man] Do you think being black and autistic greatly impacts your experiences? - Yes. - Yes. - [Man] How. - Well, you can answer. - I think that you see a lot of it in our communities actually about in our community. I feel like you might hear a lot about how it doesn't exist or just us being a little different or in things like that. Like a lot of people in our community don't actually understand or even are educated about what autism is and because of that, they may actually not pursue any particular diagnosis. And there's also a very long history of people being misdiagnosed with other things such as bipolar disorder. Yeah, mostly bipolar disorder or having OCD or other like other disorders that might that might pop up that can be comorbid with autism. So having a lot of different diagnosis that can actually fall under the umbrella of being autistic. - Maybe you see some things that you think that are keying you off as a parent that, oh, they might have autism. The best thing I could say is what's the worst thing that can happen from getting tested. Right, they come back and they say no, and then you move on and maybe you go, oh, thank whatever or you go, yes and you go, oh good. Now, we're headed the game and you get started early and you have these you bring people in the occupational therapist and then what you do is you watch how they work. You watch the things they do to help engage 'cause these are people that I've been doing it for a long time a lot of them. So they have a lot of tips and tricks. - [Man] What did you think when Jasmine told you that she was doing this interview today? - Shocked. (chuckling) - [Man] Why? - Because I didn't even think that I can't even imagine like her sitting down to send us this email in the first place I was shocked. (laughing) - Yeah, It seems absolutely nuts. (chuckling) - Yeah, It's crazy. - [Man] What were you thinking when you did send that email? - I wanted people to learn that autistic adults exist and that we just don't disappear when we turn 18 and that some of us do get married, have families have careers. Like we live our lives just like everybody else. Just a lot lonelier. - [Man] Do you ever mask in front of Tim? - I think so. - Oh yeah, oh yeah. He didn't even really see me pace or do like I never really did like any of the hand motions and stuff I did knowingly in front of him. I wasn't more comfortable doing that until I had the kids it's and then I couldn't just walk away from them. So I just started like being me, but we were together like what, 11 years then? - Oh yeah, yeah. - [Man] What did you think when you saw this? - Well, she thinks that she has a great poker face if you wanna call it that, (chuckling) but she doesn't necessarily, she's not the best poker player either. You know what I mean? So there's a lot of times you could see she let me in behind the behind the curtain, as they say without necessarily realizing that I could see beyond the curtain. I'm not the most per... - Perceptive, - Perceptive person. There you go, there's the word. There you go. Thanks babe. That's a dictionary. (chuckling) I'm the most perceptive when it comes to a lot of things, but I can, I do pick up little cues here and there and I think with her, I think that she was being subtle about a lot of things and about how a lot of her like little ticks, the pacing things and the little movements and all, but they were still there. - [Man] What advice do you have for somebody who's in a new relationship with an autistic person? - I would say just be patient. I would say let that person sort of reveal themselves at their time. If you pick up like I said if you pick up on some of these cues and you are thinking certain things about how maybe they're acting in a certain situation or the way they're talking or the way that they're presenting themselves accept them for who they are. And if they're not necessarily like when we first met, she wasn't diagnosed. So she didn't necessarily know. So if you're with somebody that isn't under diagnosis, but you're picking up on these things somehow I would say kind of let that come as it's gonna come, don't try to force anything and then kind of let them reveal themselves because I noticed with her, it was sort of a step by step thing. It was took a little while for her to truly kind of open up and be herself with me. - Autistic people need to learn to take space. We need to stop hiding. We need to stop pretending we need to let our weirdness just be out 'cause what are people wanna do say, 'Oh, you're weird." And then what's they gonna do? Like really? What is it gonna do? And it took me like 34 years to realize that. Okay, you said "I'm weird." Okay, so what, and just we need to just be, because trying to be somebody else is just... Nobody likes anybody who's inauthentic. I think people like autistic people more when they're themselves than when they're pretending to be somebody else or masking and masking is so exhausting. Who wants to do that all the time? It's time to stop. Why should we, why should we? - [Man] Is there anything you would like to add to that? - Yeah, like it isolating is one of the hardest parts of like my personal experience, and so I feel like there's a lot of people that also might deal with the same thing. And I feel that it would be really nice if there was like a general consensus (chuckling) that we just all stop hiding from hiding from like the outside world. - [Man] I've read some autistic advocates who say "You should never mask. It's a horrible thing." And then I read others who say, "well, you gotta mask sometime that's part of the world." What is your opinion? - You have to do what you have to do to get by and I truly believe that, but I also believe that autistic people need to take space more because the less that we mask the more they see our glitter shoes and the more they see our Bootsy Collins glasses. The more they realize, "Hey, we're here."
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Channel: Special Books by Special Kids
Views: 2,120,507
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Id: kAtMKiqW1kM
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Length: 36min 7sec (2167 seconds)
Published: Thu Feb 03 2022
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