- Alright Darius, come
on. Come sit with Mommy. - [Darius] Rice tomorrow. - Okay, rice tomorrow. Come over here. - [Darius] Rice tomorrow.
- Yes. - [Darius] Rice tomorrow.
- Alright. (harmonica chords play)
(laughter) [Darius' Mom] Come sit
by me. Come on. Yeah. You wanna touch my hair? He loves touching my hair so
he's gonna touch it. Come on. (harmonica chord plays)
Let me put the harmonica up. I'm gonna put that there.
(Darius humming) - [Chris] Did you say he
loves touching your hand? - Yeah. Hair. - [Chris] Hair. - He's gonna be touching it.
(Darius humming) You're so gassy. - Rice tomorrow. - [Chris] Why do you think
he likes touching your hair? - It's like a sensory for
him and it gives him, like, pleasure and calms his anxiety. - Rice tomorrow. - Rice tomorrow. - [Chris] Does he talk
- Rice tomorrow. about rice a lot? - He loves rice. He wants rice tomorrow. Rice tomorrow, right? Do you want rice tomorrow? - Rice tomorrow. - Yes, he loves rice.
That's his favorite food. - [Chris] Are you excited
for rice tomorrow, Darius? - Are you excited about rice? (laughs) Are you excited? You want rice? Yeah, he wants rice. Yes! Yes, sit down.
(Darius laughs) Sit down, yes! (claps) (Darius laughing) - [Chris] Hey, Darius. - Darius. Darius. Darius. How are you? It's nice-
(Darius laughs) It's nice to be here with you today. - (laughing) Yeah. (Darius hums) - You see like now he's
stimming. He's in his own zone. - [Chris] How long will he do that for if he's just left by himself? - He can do it for hours.
He can do it for hours. - [Chris] Do you have any idea as to what he's thinking during that time? - I dunno. I really dunno. (humming stops) What are you thinking? What are you thinking about? Huh? What are you thinking about? Hi. Hey, what's up? (laughs) (Darius and Chris humming) - I'm trying to match your pitch. (Darius and Chris humming) - [Chris] If somebody
sees him out in public and he's stimming, what
do you hope they think? And understand?
(harmonica squeaks) (Darius humming) - If people see him, I don't think a lot of
people know about stimming. So people probably stare and look. Y'know, that's why I
try to spread awareness about stimming and what it is. - [Chris] Let's start by describing it. What is it, why does he do this? - It helps him calm down,
helps him regulate himself. Anxiety, you know. Kind of connect with the world I think. (Darius and Chris humming) People think that you should not show it. Y'know, it's for private, your home. "You should stim in the house.
Don't show people stimming." But he's gonna stim outside
'cause he has no control. He cannot hide it. He
cannot mask his autism. He's autistic (laughs). He can't hide it. He's just being him, he's
being Darius. He has no clue. So he doesn't know when he gets
outside he has to be quiet. He doesn't know that he can't walk back and forth or make the sounds. - [Chris] Do you think he
realizes there's a difference between him and most other people? - I think he think other
people are different (laughs). It's like "What are you doing?" (laughs) (Darius and Chris humming) (Darius laughs) - We're pretty good. (Darius and Chris humming) (Darius' dad laughs) (Darius hums rhythmically) - [Chris] What do you
think when your son stims? - I'm more patient with it. It used to bother me when I was, like, maybe watching a show or something and it gets a little too
loud and I'm like, "Oh, boy." But this is, like, maybe,
like, a little while back. Now it's like, "Eh." - [Chris] You've grown accustomed to it. - Yeah. - [Chris] Can I ask
you a question, Darius? What's your favorite movie? - [Darius' Dad] What
is his favorite movie? - What's your favorite movie? My favorite movie is- - Go- Go- Go- - The Golden Girls is not
your favorite movie (laughs). I should not watch the
Golden Girls around him. I'm a Golden Girl fan, fanatic
- Rice tomorrow. - And he sees me-
- Rice tomorrow. - Shoulder, shoulder.
- Rice tomorrow. Touch my shoulder. What do you want? - Rice tomorrow. I, rice tomorrow. - I.
- Want. - Want.
- To. - Rice.
- Tomorrow. - Tomorrow. - [Chris] Are you teaching
- Rice tomorrow. him to speak in full sentences? - Yes. - Mhmm. (Darius begins groaning) - Why is that important to you? - Because it's important because I want other people to understand him. You know, like I understand
him no matter what he says, but I want other people to understand so he can say "I want..." 'Cause if if he said rice, no one knows. Y'know, so I want him to, like,
try to say "I want, I need, I want to go to the car,
I wanna go outside." Because if he just says "Outside," people don't know what he's saying. So I understand, but he
has to go out in the world and y'know, communicate with others. - My biggest worry,
(Darius hums rhythmically) 'Cause he's the reason I started taking better care of myself. 'Cause I said, "I need to take
my own health more serious to stick around as long as I can because I have a son who
needs to be cared for." So really as far as Darius goes, that's the only thing I
ever, like, worried about. 'Cause I'm like "Okay,
you know, the inevitable. You're not here forever and
he needs to be cared for." So that's where my attention goes 'Cause I'm 30 years older
than he is and, y'know, I'm trying to stick
around as long as I can. I mean we all want to
stick around and be healthy but even more so for him, even more so. (Darius and Chris humming) (Darius laughs) - It's fun. (Darius laughs) (Darius and Chris humming) - [Chris] What's it like to have an 18 year old autistic son? (harmonica music plays) - I mean today I was looking at him, he was sitting by my bed. He's a grown man. And when I'm walking with
him I gotta hold his hand. So it's like I'm holding a grown man hand. Y'know, he walking, he's bigger than me and it's like people might
think I'm his girlfriend. - [Chris] What happens if
you don't hold his hand? - He probably go his own direction. (Darius babbles) - [Chris] Is Darius the first
autistic person you've known? - No, my younger brother, he's
four years younger than I am and it happened the same
way at like 18 months. He was almost two years old, 'cause he was progressing normally and then at 18 months
he, like, just lost it. - [Chris] Tell me about
the regression when you first started to notice
symptoms of autism. - I think it was about 18 months and he stopped responding to his name and he stopped singing. He started more humming
and making sounds though. He still loved music. But he just stopped
responding to his name. He wasn't interested in other little kids. - [Chris] And he was prior to that? - Yes, he was. And then like I said, he
was singing Blue's Clues. He talked, he walked early. He had no choice 'cause he grew up with, my sister had a kid and
they were the same age. And she would like fall
(harmonica chords play) on top of him and he's like
"I gotta get outta here." But he had to walk away (laughs). Darius, you're so silly.
(Darius laughs) - Yeah, I just noticed his focus was off. Like, 'cause he used to
be real focused like, "Darius come here." He'd
run over there to you. You'd talk back and forth with him. And then I just noticed
that like, "Hey, Darius." And then he wasn't responding to his name and you'd be talking to
him and he'd be like. That's like you talking to me and I'm like, you know, it's more like you're
not even talking like My focus is like
(Darius laughs) everywhere else but you. That's what what I
picked up on, his focus. - He didn't, like,
socialize with other kids. 'Cause before that, when I
took him to the little gym he would play with other kids. And once he, you know,
regressed and everything he showed no interest
(harmonica squeals) in other kids. - [Chris] Was it a gradual thing or was it kind of like
a night and day thing? - It was like a overnight thing. One day he was doing everything and then the next day he wasn't. (Darius yells) (Darius and Chris humming) - Handshake? (Darius hums) (Chris mimics Darius) - Ooh. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Ooh. (Darius and Chris hum) - [Chris] Is autism
Darius's only diagnosis? - Yes. He just autistic, yes. (Darius yelling) And whatever that is (laughs). Greatness. Great-ism.
Autism and great-ism. [Chris] Does he stim in
his room all the time? - All the time. And sometimes we laugh
because it's funny, like. Like now. It's like,
"What are you saying?" (Darius and his mom singing) - It's a blessing though.
It made me really like, you know how they say "You
stop and smell the flowers?" That's how autism is,
like you really start appreciating the little things in life. Like I never paid attention
to the world around me. Like Darius likes to roll in
grass so we roll in grass. He likes to pick up sand and feel it. I never paid much attention to that. Like the cherry blossom,
he takes them and blow 'em. I never paid attention to the nature and enjoy the world like that. And that's the good thing about autism. Like you, you really
get to enjoy the world. You pay attention to stuff that you never paid attention to before. - [Chris] Why do you think
(harmonica chords play) Darius likes the harmonica so much? - I think he likes it because
he kind of does the stimming. Like with his vocal stims,
he makes sounds and I think he's making the same sounds
through the harmonica. - [Chris] Do you love
the harmonica, Darius? - Rice tomorrow. - Rice tomorrow. - Rice tomorrow. - Rice tomorrow. - Two rice tomorrow. - Two rice? - Two rice. (Darius and Chris humming) (humming stops) (Darius and Chris laughing) (Chris and Darius humming) - Rice tomorrow. - Rice tomorrow. You're
gonna get rice tomorrow. When you come home from school
you can have rice, okay? And move over. - [Chris] Does he fixate
on things like that a lot? - Yes, especially food. - The only thing that, like,
bothers me when we are out is if we go out to eat, he eats so fast. You gotta control his
eating. That's about it. Like as far as the stimming
(Darius stammering) or anything like that, I hope he doesn't get
too loud, but y'know. And really that's like, you know, it doesn't bother me
(Darius hums) but you know, you kinda
trying to be considerate to everyone else, y'know. But it doesn't bother me at all. - Yeah, like when I take him
out, food is a big issue. Like he likes to grab and get more and it's, like, difficult
when it comes to food. He loves food. So food is our biggest issue. (Darius and Chris humming) (Chris stops humming)
(Darius stops humming) (Darius and Chris humming) (Chris stops humming)
(Darius stops humming) - [Chris] Darius is 18. Over the course of his
life there's been a lot of knowledge spread about autism. Would you say we're at
a good place in society? Are people generally accepting? - I think we still have
a lot of work to do. In 2023...Trev, go see what he doing. He doing something in there. - [Chris] Does he different
things in the bathroom? - Yes. He dump out soap
and stuff like that, and flush the toilet
paper and stuff like that. Yeah, I think in 2023 you would think we have come a long way. But it's a lot of work to do. It's a lot. Darius does not like to
wear clothes, so it's hard. So I tell him like, "Darius,
when you come out your room you have to have clothes on." So he wants to run around
without any clothes on, he doesn't like shoes. So that's hard, you know, it's like no one wants to see a grown man (laughs). Yeah, no one wants to see a grown man. - [Chris] Have there been
situations where you've had to explain that or something
similar to other people? - Yes, a lot, like it's,
it was a time when, like, we would have a party and
in the middle of the party he would take off his clothes and all the girls would
go running (laughs). "Oh my gosh, Darius," and he was younger, but it was a surprise for
people to see him like that. 'Cause one minute he's dressed,
and he's very fast with it. So he's dressed, fully
dressed and then he's nude. So it's like wow (laughs) no
one expected him to be nude. - Now if a kid does that,
it's still kind of like socially unacceptable, but it's a kid. If an adult does that, it can
lead to dangerous situations if people don't understand
what's happening. - Yeah. And that's why,
that's one thing I really wanted to work with, with him,
with keeping his clothes on. So he knows now like if he wants to eat, come out his room, he has
to have underwears on. So I got to that point
where he understands that he needs to wear underwears
when he leaves his room. So I let him, a lot of
people may feel like he should have underwears on all day but if he's in his room, I
let him slide a little bit. - Sometimes he doesn't want to be bothered and I don't mess with him. Like I look he's really into something I just leave him there. Sometimes I look and then he laughs and then like I know it's,
that's my cue to go in there. It's okay to play. - [Chris] So you've learned to read his non-verbal cues over the years? (Darius hums) - Well, his non-verbal cues. It's a guessing game for
me and it's like sometime I just do the process of elimination. And like he, basically with me,
he has to do a lot more work to get me to understand him. But I kind of like bringing
it out of him though. - [Chris] When somebody meets
Darius for the first time what do you hope they think? - That he's awesome (laughs). - I'll say I don't think about it. Cause again, my view of it
(harmonica chords play) is like I don't view him as different. I just, like, recognize his limitations, I understand his limitations
(Darius babbles) but I really don't treat him- - When was a little younger
I was worried about it. When people would meet
him, what they would think and how they would accept him. You know? 'Cause people judge a lot. Like right now at 18 this is Darius and he's always (indistinct). But when he was younger
I thought about it like, "What are they gonna think of Darius? How are they gonna treat him?" And one thing that people
did when he was younger, a lot of people do this, they like to, they'll come up to him
and say "Hi, I'm Mary," and you know, he would
like push them away, and cause people wanna be nice, but don't, like, come up to him and get in his face right away. You know, a lot of people like to do that - Yeah, but they don't know though. - Yeah. A lot of people like to do that so that's the hard part, 'cause
he would like push you away or something like that. (Darius and Chris humming) (Chris stops humming)
(Darius stops humming) - I had a great time spending
time with you, Darius. Thank you for hanging out
with me and singing with me. Your feet smell lovely. (Darius laughs)
