Can someone please. Tell this man. That it is no longer 1989. Welcome to week 3 of scam month. All four videos this November are about scams,
and we’re already halfway through! Week one, we already talked about Instagram
meme pages selling fake products, then week 2, we talked about Jay Shetty and his motivational
Facebook cult, this week we’re talking about a lot, and then next week for the finale,
we’re talking about everyone’s favorite YouTuber, Shane Dawson. November 24th. Now, full disclosure, this guy we’re talking
about today is not a scammer. This guy is more of a snake oil salesman. This guy’s entire brand is about becoming
something that doesn’t work. That something: is an alpha male. And this guy: is Alpha M. Yes that’s really
what his channel is named. Here we’re talking about men’s style,
grooming, fitness, relationships, etiquette, and anything else I feel will help you maximize
your personal potential. Now, from the channel trailer, it all sounds
great, right? I mean, kind of. Not really. To me it just sounds like a lot of effort,
okay. I mean, grooming, sure. But, maximizing my personal potential? In this economy? You’re going to make me laugh. Please make me laugh. It’s been such a long time. So what he’s promoting in his channel is
perfectly fine. Becoming a better man, staying well-groomed
and polite, being fit and fashionable. It’s all good things. At first I was like, wow, five million people
subscribed for that? Hope in humanity restored! But then I looked at his videos and it’s
just girls girls girls girls girls. So then I was like Oh . . . well that makes
more sense. This one is called “What Level of Good Looking
are YOU? Cute VS Handsome VS Hot”. I mean for me personally, the answer to that
question is yes. But let’s see what our friend Alpha M has
to say. Being called cute as a grown man kinda sucks. Excuse me. I’m a grown man and people call me cute
all the time! 24/7. Like, so often. In my comment section, On Twitter, In my Instagram
DM’s. [insert every social media platform.] I mean I’m not bragging, it’s just like
a passive observation. I’m taking it next level. I’m actually going to teach you how to go
from cute to handsome to ultimate caliente-ness. If you’re ready gentlemen, why don’t you
drop me one of these. . . . A thumb. I need my thumb. How else am I going to scroll through Instagram! Actually wait, they took away the likes. Alright fine you can have it. The other day, my wife’s co-worker, she
sees me and apparently tells my wife she thought I was cute. In a nutshell, cute in my opinion is average. So when she called me cute, I was like “what
the hell are you talking about!” I have so many questions about the things
I just saw in the last five seconds. And I don’t think I want any of them answered. If being cute was average, then nobody would
be cute. Have you not watched the cinematic masterpiece
that is Pixar’s The Incredibles? If everyone’s super . . .
No one will be. Alright, so if cute’s not good enough, then
what does it take to be handsome . . . is a sentence that I never thought I would say. Handsome guys always use Tiege Hanley! Handsome guys know that in order for them
to be handsome and now and be handsome like 27,000 years in the future, they’ve got
to take care of their skin— Wait, did this whole video just turn into
an ad? I’m going to link to it down below. That link is also special: It’s my custom
landing page. Because I’m one of the founders and owners
of Tiege Hanley-- Oh. Well that makes more sense. Now, am I mad at this man for selling Tiege
Hanley. No. In fact, after hearing how their daily facial
moisturizer has an SPF of 20 . . . I might just have to buy it. No, my issue is with the fact that this Tiege
Hanley ad is two minutes long . . . and the video itself is 8 and a half minutes long. 23% of this video was an ad for Olay in a
black bottle. Anyway, since handsomeness is apparently as
easy as ordering Tiege Hanley, let’s find out how to take it to the highest level. How do we become hot? They’ve got presence! They’ve got that je ne sais quoi. Something special. But it all stems from confidence and believing
in themselves. Really. I just watched this entire video and the whole
time the secret was just “believe in yourself”? What is this, Kung Fu Panda? So, you survived your first Alpha M video. It’s not too bad, right? He’s kind of goofy, he’s kind of . . . really
wants you to buy Tiege Hanley. But he’s not too weird. In that video specifically. That’s why we’re going to watch 10 Everyday
Things Guys Do That Girls Secretly Hate. Filthy, nasty, disgusting pigs. Of course, we all have been called these things
from time to time, gentlemen but here’s the deal. If you expect to ever get action, you’ve
gotta keep it on the DL. Okay. So there’s a lot to unpack here, but you
know what? Not every box needs to be unpacked. Some of that stuff, you should have just left
at your old place. I’ve never been called a filthy, disgusting,
nasty pig, and the reason why might shock you . . . It’s because I’m not one. And if you’re not one . . . nobody is going
to call you that. You know, I looked it up, and this guy is
42 years old. The idea of some guy who’s literally twice
my age telling me I can just keep all of my ugly personality traits “on the down low”
that way I can “get some action” is . . . "incredibly disturbing”. That’s what we are. We’re wild savage animals that wanna do
savage wild things, but we can’t, because we’re gentlemen, and we’re refined, and
you are a subscriber-- Um, yikes, no, and also . . . wow please stop. So now that we’ve set the tone for this
video, let’s go through the things that girls apparently hate so much. When guys pass gas in the car. When they pee in the shower which for some
reason he included footage of. The only way I can describe it . . . dark
yellow. Number three was peeing on the floor—wait
what? You dribble, I dribble, we all dribble. Gentlemen, we can’t always control the monster
hog! . . . Well, I really enjoyed being a YouTuber
this past year and a half, but I think my time here is done. There should be a list of words that you should
never use to describe certain things, and “monster hog” should be at the very top. Anyway, number four, hair in the sink. Bad breath. Over-powering body sprays. Every woman loves a dude that smells incredible. And if you want to smell even better than
all the other guys, gentlemen you’ve gotta hit that link down below and check out today’s
video sponsor: Scentbird. You know what, as creepy as he is, I have
to give him props. This man incorporates his sponsorships into
the video topics like his life depends on it. But you know what, this video is just 8 minutes
of him saying “don’t be gross” 10 different ways, with a 2-minute ad break in the middle,
so I think we get it. So, you survived your second Alpha M video. I know it’s getting difficult, but you have
to hang in there. I mean you really don’t, but I did, so I’m
forcing you to. The last video of his we’re going to watch
is called: “Do this when a girl looks at you”. So step one apparently is “Don’t freak
out”, which, if you freak out because a girl looks in your direction, I can only assume
you’re 12. But step two where is things get a little
. . . yeah no step two is awful. Embrace your inner alpha and move on to step
two: look away for five seconds. Puts doubt in her mind. The momentary rejection making her think you’re
not interested when in reality, you’re taking and using these five seconds to contemplate
whether or not she is spicy enough for you. Just because a girl looks at you does not
mean she cares about being spicy enough for you. She might just be looking at you because,
I don’t know, you’re wearing two earrings, your shirt’s two sizes too small, you smell
very strongly of Tiege Hanley. It's probably everything but physical attraction. Anyway, next you’re supposed to put away
your phone, and then . . . roll up your sleeves? Right there, didja see—didja see- didja
see that! Expose a little forearm action. Now, once they’re up, I want you to do this:
check out your watch. Wait a minute. Don’t tell me. You gotta hit that link down below and go
check out today’s video sponsor: Movement. It doesn’t get more--
This is it. He is the one. Alpha M is the final boss you have to face
after you defeat all other YouTubers. He just managed to turn “girl looks in your
direction” into a watch advertisement. I can’t help but be somewhat impressed. By that one specific attribute. All the rest is kind of gross. So. You’ve sat through 3 Alpha M videos, and
you’ve survived. For your reward, you will get-- one more video
because I haven’t gotten ten minutes of content yet. The last one we’re going to watch is called—
10 things that stylish guys never wear. So number one is apparently—
Big, baggy bombers. Um . . . excuse me. Gentlemen, it’s all about the fit. This is how I want your bomber to fit! Did I ask? What? The AC came on. Anyway, what else should I not be wearing. Neon. Okay, listen, I came here to attack this guy,
not to be attacked. Stylish guys never wear our oversized big
bulky watches. I’m about to beat this b---h up. Gentlemen, if you are looking to take your
watch game to the next level, you’ve got to check out today’s video sponsor: Movement. I think we all saw that one coming from a
mile away. Alright, so in conclusion: the questionable
attitudes he holds towards women, I was willing to overlook. But now he’s coming for my fashion choices
and that is unforgivable. Anyway, thus concludes week three of scam
month, looks like I’ve gotten ten minutes of content out of this, so leave a like, tell
me what you think, and subscribe if you haven’t already. Thank you for watching and a big thank you
to my 224,000 subscribers. Okay bye. “Tiege Hanley”. It is fun to say, I’ll give him that.
