AITA For Remaining Friends With My Dads "Victim"? [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more addict relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for telling my wife that my parents have the right to chose not to be grandparents we live in the us and my parents live in bolivia i grew up in the us but both of my parents were from bolivia my mom and my wife had a lot of issues because i think my mom saw my wife as a representation of u.s culture that she did not understand and their clashes really reinforced how unhappy she was here my father was very successful but when he saw how unhappy my mom was they had a serious conversation and decided that they had enough money to happily retire to bolivia my mom broke down sobbing at the airport about how relieved she was that she didn't have to live here anymore and they are both much happier people in bolivia my wife can't really comprehend why they moved or how you could move away from your kids and grandkids but honestly my mom is so much happier i think they did the right thing my parents have said we can visit if we want but they have never been pushy with jobs two kids and finances visiting isn't very easy for us and they are fine they could easily visit but don't really seem to want to my mom brought up that there aren't hotels around so i said they could stay with us and she didn't look thrilled i talked to them pretty often i occasionally try to get the kids to talk to them but they aren't interested and my parents don't seem offended my wife was criticizing my parents recently saying they don't deserve our kids to love them because they move for stupid reasons i told her that they don't have to be grandparents if they don't want to that really offended her and she said i should be angry on our kids behalf i do wish that my parents wanted to spend time with us but it always ends with my mom having some sort of freakout so maybe this is for the best nta she can't comprehend what your mom feels because her whole family is around but your mom probably didn't she built a life in her home country and she missed that and if she was miserable good on your father for taking care of his loved one honestly your wife is the one creating drama over something that she doesn't comprehend and will most likely never do don't let her out in your kids heads that they are not loved by their grandparents this is just a long-distance relationship that they have and they are loved in other ways i mean if your mom were around and miserable they would pick it up on that and this is an unhealthy environment for a child you chose to go somewhere you feel happy and comfortable you know like me and my family feel every day in this country so you are evil and clearly don't love your grandkids op your parents aren't villains because they chose to make a decision that is good for them it's not like they have discerned you or the grandkids or gone non-contact they just chose to start a new chapter of their life that fits their needs and that's [ __ ] great for them nta your parents did move for good reasons your mom was miserable in a foreign country and wanted to go home i'm kind of pissed at your wife for downplaying the ongoing culture shock that your mom experienced has your wife ever lived in a country that didn't speak her native language if not then your wife knows nothing about severe culture shock and needs to shut her arrogant ignorant u.s centric mouth the usa is not the center of the world your wife is xenophobic agree the whole vibe from the y freaks of who would ever want to leave the greatest country in the world and the kind of person who looks down on any other country especially the ones they've decided are third world countries while knowing jack [ __ ] about them the audacity of unilaterally deciding what are good reasons to go back to your homeland is astounding and the audacity to bad mouth ops parents because they wanted to be happy and not be miserable in the name of her kids like they would be grandparents so she's basically wanting them to live in a different country just so they can see the kids what once a week on birthdays see my other long ass comment but yeah america was great on paper but the minute they let you loose as an adult to fend for yourself it's just like being punched in the face repeatedly by the upper class i lived in new york inarguably one of the best cities i've ever experienced i'm not a proc and i grew up speaking english so i had it easy but even then so many of the systems over there are plain archaic and broken public transport never heard of her unless you mean underfunded transport for poor people that will literally never improve because nobody above a certain tax bracket gives a [ __ ] i know that one me and herdy brunch every sunday good affordable healthcare yeah i think i saw that in a dream once welfare [ __ ] where you get food stamps maybe and that's all you deserve [ __ ] the community release the hounds etc nta you and your parents seem content she's creating non-existent issues i wonder what ops are in this woman to begin with this sub has really opened my eyes to the unrealistic norman rockwell version of an america that never existed some parents have to would what they think are required grandparent duties i have two friends whose significant others are hellish with entitlement over how the grandparents failed to on call 24 over seven babysitting slash have their own live slash love the kids but don't see a need to turn over their lives to the so demands and i always thought that was an aberration boy was i wrong i had no idea right like they already had and raised their children yes it's nice when grandparents do want to be involved but sometimes they just don't and i can't call the mars for that obviously excluding grandparents that are actively mean slash abusive to their grandkids [Music] am i the antagonist for swearing at my wife after she mixed cleaners in the shower i was cleaning which made chlorine gas my wife brought me a bucket and said can you go clean the shower sure fine i can do that a few minutes later she comes in and asks if the scrubber is taking the scum off of the floor which i said not really she then proceeds to take a bleach-based cleaner and spray it around the shower and bucket despite the fact that the cleaner i had sprayed and had ammonia i pretty much threw the sponge in the shower turned it on got us out of the room and kind of shouted you don't [ __ ] mix chemicals now my wife is upset at me but she straight up could have killed me with that am i the antagonist upset dead hospitalized didn't know this wow what other household chemicals shouldn't be mixed together nta what she did was stupid and dangerous some people need to be told that my mom would use bleach to clean the toilet but would use weight too much and wouldn't rinse slash flush it afterwards i'd be and get attacked by the chlorine gas she also would use hand soap to clean the seat but again wouldn't vince and i'd slide right off the seat i got really good at reading the riot act when people do stupid things it's stupidly paranoid comma but sometimes i'll double or triple flush after cleaning with a bleach-based cleaner anxiety is a [ __ ] just so this doesn't happen not the hand soap thing though that's what cleaning spray is for um a little embarrassed to be admitting this i always knew not to mix ammonia and bleach but i didn't actually know there was ammonia in pee there have been several times i'm cleaning my bathroom and soak the toilet in bleach and just leave for a bit to let it soak and then forget and pee later i always quickly flush but now i feel dumb learn something new hey if it's not something you're ever taught then it makes sense don't be embarrassed nta in most circumstances yes ywbta for cursing slash yelling at your wife this was an adrenaline fueled you nearly just killed us both moment emo you get a pass my sentiments exactly not the a-hole i also agree karma please what your wife did was reckless and tbh a lot of us probably would responded the same way not the a-hole my friend's sister made this mistake and she's been in a coma for two years massive damage to her lungs and brain damage due to lack of oxygen not the a-hole mixing chemicals is hella dangerous i'm really disturbed i didn't know about this i knew about it as a little kid even i remember being freaked out as a kid when my mom would clean the toilet with chemicals that contained bleach because i was convinced that peeing in it afterwards would create chlorine gas even though it had been flushed chlorine gas it's pretty bad but mustard gas c4h8cl2s is a lot worse yeah ike i have no clue why i wrote mustard nta that [ __ ] is serious nta panic response bathrooms are small spaces and chemicals aren't supposed to be mixed nta her mistake could have killed or disgust you so i think yelling in the moment of fear and not is understandable till i could have died out of stupidity i didn't know that it's so dangerous to mix cleaning products or i vaguely remember having heard it sometime maybe question mark i guess what has saved my stupid asses that i'm also sloppy and rarely clean that thoroughly yay my ruling is not the a-hole but your wife is not the only dummy in the world is your wife peggy hill nearly engulfed the town of ireland in a cloud of poisonous gas am i the antagonist for remaining friends with my dad's victim when i 26 f was 14 my parents went through a rough patch my mum was diagnosed with cancer and went through chimo and list her job my dad reacted by [ __ ] several of the interns at the company he worked for as well as starting a relationship with one who was at the time 21 my dad was in his late 40s he told her he was divorced and looking for something serious and ended up living with her and her three-year-old son for two three days slash week while mum was in hospital my mum ultimately recovered found out what had happened and filed for divorce because of my mum's poor health and lack of job dad got majority custody of me and we ended up moving into his gfs house gf was told that mum was on the verge of dying and that was why dad now had custody of me at no point was she aware of what was going on she ended up getting pregnant shortly after i moved in despite being on birth control i suspect my dad swapped her pills so that she couldn't kick him out if she found out what was really happening about the time that the baby was born mum got a job working at a local hospital in her old field cardiac surgeon this job came with a considerable paycheck and great insurance and other benefits for her and her family meanwhile the baby was born with downs and these two factors led dad to dropping the affair partner like a hot coal and begging mum to take him back she agreed so long as the affair partner was cut out of his life completely we ended up moving back and with mum shortly after i turned 17 the affair partner sarah ended up losing her job with the company because my dad slandered her to several higher ups i don't know exactly how all this went down i'm not going to get into the company's decisions and she had to move back in with her parents with her then six year old son and my two yo half sister i was absolutely furious with both my parents dad because i'd really liked sarah and i'd always wanted siblings and loved her son and my half-sister and mum for taking dad back when he was opposed i moved out around six months later when i went to uni and reached out to sarah at that time i was studying at a uni near her parents and regularly went around for dinner slash babysit slash helped out around the house sarah ended up getting a job at a bank and moved into a three-bedroom place and i moved in with her since it was within 20 minutes walk of my uni and she gave me cheap rent in exchange for helping with my brother and sister my parents live six hours away i deliberately picked a far away uni so i could go low contact anyway it's been almost 12 years and my mom has been told her cancer is back she reached out to me and said she wanted more of a relationship with me but only on the condition i cut serrat out i refused am i the antagonist here i feel bad that she may die without me being there and it wasn't her fault in the first place but i adore sarah and my siblings and refused to dump them like dad did nta don't let your mom use her condition to try and take control of your life that's plain toxic honestly i wonder if it's even back i don't buy that someone scared they'll die in bad terms with their daughter scared enough to reach out after 12 years would actually have the balls to put such a condition on their reacquaintance it's a play surely op made this decision over a decade ago and the mother's office seems to make out she's the one that decides it is and always has been op that will decide if they have a relationship because op is the one that walked away from those [ __ ] 12 years ago even if she actually has cancer trying to weaponize it is just as bad as lying about having it take her ultimatum as a sign she's still the same [ __ ] you walked away from all those years ago i completely totally agree with your take on this because real apologies don't come with demands christmas cancer is a known manipulation tactic and it's way too close to the holidays to think that she's doing anything else my guess she picked the wrong horse she knows the ultimate [ __ ] dad is thinking of abandoning her now that she's getting older whether or not she's actually cancer-free and she's still desperately looking for support and ego cables it's a little transparent she could have eased into it years ago and op may not have even noticed nta look it might sound harsh but your mother has cancer she's not exactly in a position to be making demands if she wants a relationship with you then she has to get over herself this was exactly my thought you have or you are what she wants so you don't need to make concessions she has everything to lose you have nothing to lose i mean let's walk that back a bit op stands to lose her mother without ever getting to reconcile her own doubts or frustrations that may come up down the road even if it isn't impacting her right now i'm not saying ops choice is wrong i'm only saying that saying op has nothing to lose if the mother's cancer is back isn't quite right [ __ ] christ everyone sucks except you not the a-hole sarah doesn't seem bad she was left in the dark on the dad's last relationship and was abandoned when she gave birth to her daughter with down syndrome and then opened her home to op when they realized what a [ __ ] family they have i'm getting down vote to hell for this but honestly i wish people would consider abortion more with unplanned pregnancy especially with a new partner who you're still unsure of now she's tied to him for the rest of her life through her daughter seems like she's not that tied to him since he washed his hands of his kid nta you now have a permanent tie to sarah as you have a half sibling plus the fact that you love her the way your father has treated women is despicable but your mother's willingness to have him back is a mind-bender whatever their dynamic is though they have no voice in your relationship with sarah and siblings it is sad that your mother's health problems have returned but she can't blackmail you into a relationship it's not fair and it's not right nta and goodyou for being your own person and maintaining a relationship with your siblings and sarah i bet sarah adores you right back this whole situation is just a [ __ ] show your dad is the biggest star by far you mom is confusing why take back a man that cheated on you during the time you needed them the most and sadly might do it again since she's back sick you're stuck in the middle along with the other siblings and the stepmom i feel bad for her honestly she was just the innocent person that got the back end of the stick not the a-hole i'd probably keep a relationship with her too didn't just cheat on her he gave up on her just thinking about how he was likely disappointed that she hadn't died back then makes me sick nta counter your mother and tell her that you will have a relationship with her if she cuts your father off i was literally thinking this also not the a-hole nta first you're an adult and can have a relationship with whomever you want you shouldn't feel bad for being in their lives second your mom is asking for more contact with stipulations she really has no bargaining power when she's the one that wants the contact where she's the [ __ ] she waits until she's sick again to emotionally manipulate you into getting what she wants that's toxic as hell also ultimatums is a tactic she's learned from dealing with your father you should make it clear to her that you aren't dad and that she doesn't get to give you ultimatums if she wants a relationship she will do it on your terms end of story and last sorry to say but your dad is a vile human being it really makes me question your mom's integrity for taking him back love or not how can anyone be with someone so heartless and cruel he's the biggest [ __ ] but if he leaves mom again now that she's sick again well she should've seen it coming and this time is on her am i the antagonist for stating the truth to my divorced mother a bit of backstory to paint a picture of the situation my father 62 meters peter cheated on my mom 62f wendy about 10 years ago with a woman 48 f sarah we all knew i was the one that found out and after about four months they divorced more so than blaming peter for cheating mom blamed serra for ruining both families she had three kids at that time as well and so did i at the time now years later i have forgiven peter and sarah the affair and we agreed they handled it poorly mom has found some new love as well in a very conservative man 74 meters tom with a frustratingly in-your-face mentality he is good and kind to her so i overlook the age difference i 32 male recently went to dinner at my mom's place with my girlfriend 33 f sum of five years when mom confronted sam with spending time with the homeworker that peter left her with almost 10 years ago sam and sarah bonded quite early on in my relationship with sam mostly over the alter similar habits that peter and i have in various things even though i was still processing the whole divorce and cheating situation when i met sam i have always supported her in getting to know my family and friends this never really became an issue until sam and sarah went on a spa day together dad and i spent some bonding time at home while the girls were out having some innocent fun time of their own no problem so far when we arrived at mom's for dinner i opened the door to find mom in tears and tom standing between her and us with a raging glare in his eyes as he steps towards sam and starts yelling at her i push her behind me to confront him in whatever he wanted to ventilate to her he accused sam of consorting with the enemy and being insensitive to the feelings of my mother he continued yelling at her and then went on to saying that i have to raise that sl backslash backslash backslash backslash properly if we were to stay welcome at their place i responded by handing the car keys to sam and telling her to lock the doors then i aimed my attention at mom's boyfriend and mom to explain my stand in the matter i don't regulate who sam spends time with since she is a grown woman with her own life i understand the friction this might give for the relationship that sam and mom have so does sam but there is nothing evil going on mom claims they probably have been talking about her during the spa day and she doesn't like to be falmouth behind her back i assured her i hope that i can't imagine that that is what sam and sarah were talking about at all let alone the whole day i cried a lot during the explanation and mom's bf made fun of me for not being a man because of it that doesn't really matter to me tbh just painting the picture in the end he was most furious with me for siding with sam over mom's pain i see his point slightly but still think i did the right thing so i ask you am i the antagonist in this he is good and kind to her so i overlook the age difference i haven't finished reading but this line confuses me your mother and her new guy have the less of an age difference than your father and his affair partner why would you need to overlook one but not even mention the other this also bothered me and i was very confused why it was relevant it's a smaller age difference than peter and sarah and his mom started this relationship as a single woman not a married woman no not the a-hole your mom's boyfriend is the [ __ ] and a big one at that ehh i'd say oppis as well pretty sexist it's totally fine for dad to go after someone much younger than him but weird for mom to be together only marginally older than her okay glad i'm not the only one that noticed that nta tom obviously cares for your mom but he needs to step back from these kinds of issues your mom needs to stop putting 100 of the blame on sarah yes she could have stayed away from a married man but your mom needs to see that her husband actively went after a woman 14 years younger and her projecting her anger into you and sam is wrong he's still your father regardless of how his marriage turned out and you're still going to have a relationship with him just as you do with your mom why are you so sexist about the age difference between your mom and partner and not your dad and his even younger wife you're the a-hole for that your mom's partner should not be so aggressive but you should have talked things out with your mom you're the a-hole there too be the adult obviously your mother's partner shouldn't have handled it that way it was highly inappropriate but your mom has every right to hate this woman who knowingly got with a married man and you overlooking the age gap in her relationship while not blinking an eye at your father's age gap reeks of sexism which makes me wonder at the potential bias in this post [Music] nta wow talk about out of line are you not supposed to talk to your father either your mother has a stupid idea of sarah's role in this no man cheats because someone flings her vagina at them a man cheats because he chooses to cheat sarah should have had the good form not to invite a married man into her life but he was the one out prowling all of that said it was 10 years ago your mom needs to get over herself and not slam your gf for visiting with your dad's gf not to downplay your point but i giggled a little too hard at the flinging vagina line lol my first husband taught me one thing a woman could dance naked on his lap and if he didn't want to cheat he would not his standards for the behavior of men has always stuck with me i don't accept less people are always a bit incredulous that i don't mind my hubby watching strippers i know who he is coming home to and he isn't leaving anything i didn't authorize first quite not the a-hole your mother and her partner are way out of line especially being verbally abusive to your partner and you

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Views: 11,695

Rating: 4.8947368 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: O6UeUOMSL3E

Length: 25min 46sec (1546 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 15 2020