AITA For Refusing To Help The Ex? [Reddit Relationships Advice]-

[Music] check out our other channels tick tock hunt twitch hunt and sports hunt links in the description am i the antagonist for refusing to help vx my 25 f husband 29 meters is divorced and pays child support no big deal we both work and combine our finances we made a goal to save for our future so we have started living frugally we are well on our way to meet the goal we sit yay for us the problem my husband now gives me grief about anything i buy he questions if i truly need it can i get something cheaper etc yes i do need more than three bras thank you he had a meltdown when i came home with a set of clearance rack cocoa because our old set was falling apart i now have to argue fight for and justify every single purchase i get living frugally and having security but here is the twist my husband's ex is very bad with money her issue right nope when she runs into trouble she calls my hubby and guess what happens he sends her money yup the money we saved that we weren't allowed to spend this happened twice we discussed it and he said he didn't want his kid to suffer i told him it needed to stop well the ex called again this month and i answered the phone i told her to get a lifestyle she could afford and there would be no more extra coming from us we hubby and i had a huge fight and i told him if he ever sent her extra again i would separate our money because i wasn't working and doing without just so we could funnel money to his ex if i have to argue justify and fight for a 10 shirt i'm not going to stand by while he gives her 200 just because she asked so everyone am i the antagonist nta but i would seriously pursue separating your finances i'm really considering that consider getting three bank accounts one for each of you where your paycheeks go for personal expenses such as child support vehicles clothing etc and a joint one that you contribute equally to for household bills and combined fund like rent slash mortgage furniture groceries utilities trips dinner route etc close bracket if he wants to keep sending money that's fine but it doesn't have to be shared money it's not your responsibility to support his ex and kid agree one suggestion put a backslash backslash percentage backslash backslash of your paychecks into the joint account instead of set amounts this way the person with the smaller paycheck isn't covering more of the general funding and you need to be super clear with him that he is not allowed to use the joint to count on his ex for any reason [Music] while your partner is completely out of line here you're not the a-hole remotely the separate finances may be a good idea with maybe a joint retirement account you both just pay a set amount of money into and the rest is yours to spend how you want harassing you about every single purchase while serving as an atm for his ex is super out of line that's what i was thinking this is some huge red flag behavior and you really need to set some ground rules with this dude his behavior is not only controlling in the sense that he decides what is worthy of buying but he's also acting like he has some kind of entitlement to your money in a more general sense by making you finance his ex directly or indirectly dude needs to be told how it is i'm with you please create a separate bank account and move your money into that without informing him before otherwise you may lose your money along with him [Music] nta but start preparing for the divorce because her and his child is where his loyalties are agree don't wait to separate your finances take your portion from the shared account and open a single account now before you find out that the joint account has been closed and you can't touch the money you saved i can't upvote this enough i used to work at a bank and this was a huge issue some people think because there are two names on account that some sort of permission needs to be given by the second party in order to withdraw all funds close an account always always take enough money out to survive before you even bring up divorce too many vengeful exes do spur of the moment grab and dash and the other party has to wait for the actual divorce to get any of that back even at a credit union where one party can't zero out the account he or she can take it down to five dollars not much protection there nta are you certain the money is for his kid or her lifestyle you need to separate your finances quickly and start preparing for the divorce battle this money battle is borderline abusive and something he's not willing to compromise on we pay a lot for child support and i hear from the child that mommy spent 300 on makeup type things so far he has agreed to no more money and i'm watching everything oh heck no i stand by my statement of separating your finances if he wants to give her extra money it'll be his money also if she always needs more money can he go back to the courts and have his support adjusted or have the judge ask her to supply a receipt slash a budget for what she's using it on that's what i'm telling him to make it so she has to provide receipts keep in mind she may actually spend money on her kid she can provide a receipt but the reason she needs that extra 200 for shoes and jeans is because first she spent 200 getting her hair nails and toes done you may need to talk about holding her to a set amount she is supposed to sacrifice as a mother if needed if she's dropping 300 on makeup and then telling you that she needs money for asthma medication or something she's abusing you guys she should be getting her child's stuff first and then with what money she has left she should get her stuff [Music] nta but as someone who has been in your hobbies situation i can relate my ex spent her child support money on herself and called me when the kids needed something yeah i could have said no but the kids would have went without it's puts fathers like me and your husband in a bad spot but i'll tell you what i did i took my ex back to family court and said she won spending the child support money on the kids i kept records of every extra payment i sent her bragging about her new mails on facebook and two days later telling me she was broke basically everything i asked and the court agreed that she provide the court with receipts and lists for every penny of my child support where it went and for what well 80 percent of it they said the other 20 can be used for incidentals it worked like gangbusters that is a great idea why are you still with him nta i hate this type of financial abuse and it is financial abuse you should be able to spend money on things you need without having to explain every purchase to you husband especially since he seems to be floating his ex-wife extra money he should either take her to court to have her account for what she is spending the child support on or sue for custody don't wait separate you money from his and set up a joint account for the household egg rent slash mortgage and utilities as for your savings you should take all the money out that you put in and start your own savings account he will think twice about sending money to his ex-wife when he is using only his money and not the combination of both of you savings if you don't then you will be supporting his ex-wife and her money issues for the rest of your marriage thank you nta but i doubt he will see it true nta at all shared finances warrants discussion over any bigger purchase and anytime someone is loaning money to someone else outside of 20 because someone forgot a wallet and needs lunch and to be nagged about everyday household purchases is ridiculous i agree i would also be very clear as to what is going to come out of a joint account the new pans for the kitchen joint account bathroom towels joint account don't let him get away with not contribute to non-bill expenses maybe you should separate your finances because i personally could not be questioned about every small purchase could you have an account where you save a designated amount weekly or monthly for shared expenses and savings and your own separate accounts whereby both of you can spend on what you want you really shouldn't have spoke to the ex like that it's between them and looking for a bad relationship with her by speaking with her like that nta and run girl run because that shot will never stop nta get your accounts separated and let him spend whatever amount he wants to spend on the x from his own finances no amount of money of yours should go there instead of giving you grief about your purchases he should spend that energy on his ex nta here's a problem though if you separate your finances then his spending decisions are still going to impact you say in a few years you have saved up a bunch of money yourself for retirement slash house whatever and during that time your husband has drained his personal savings by bailing out the ex-wife every time she has a crisis what is going to happen then is that you're going to end up in further conflict about the issue because it will fall on you to cover the down payment for the house or to fund the retirement etc he's already paying child support so giving any additional money to her is just enabling her to continue to make bad financial decisions if he wants to help his kid then maybe discuss whether it would be a good idea for you to petition the courts for custody of the child since the mother is not able to be financially stable despite getting child support this is exactly why separate accounts need to be accompanied by a post up agreement totally worth a fee for an attorney to draft one if you save and he spends what you saved separately from his stays yours if you save enough a buy house with your money the house stays yours and he must sign his spousal right to it away when you buy it honestly in this situation a divorce from bed and board might be called so thing else in your state might be a good idea legally separates your finances and financial obligations to one another splits whatever joint property you do have but leaves you married and not free to remarry another person nta separate your money now your man is a [ __ ] and so disrespectful [Music] nta why wait till again lol next time it might be half the saving separate it now this guy is hounding you for bra while throwing money at x whenever she calls separating finance would be just the start you need to consider that he will always be at her beckon call you will be tied to this woman for life bc he won't let her go [Music] nta so my husband have a rule anything unnecessary over 50 dollars and we have to discuss it you know what's not on that list of unnecessary stuff f backslash backslash backslash backslash king underwear and replacing broken f backslash backslash backslash backslash ein dishes separate your finances yesterday and brace for divorce [Music] nta but consider a separate finances because he's a freaking nightmare apparently and b instead of him sending money to the ex he should ask what the child needs and [ __ ] order it off amazon and have it shipped to them i agree the kid shouldn't have to go without but it doesn't mean he just hands her money [Music] to [Music] foreign you

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 8,161

Rating: 4.9120879 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: pZTT-dTfBDo

Length: 13min 36sec (816 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 01 2020