AITA For Not Wanting His Ex-Wife To Move In With Us? [Reddit Relationships Advice]-

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for planning to move out after my mother tried to force me to join the army hello there i am 19 mail am planning to move out after a stunt my mother pulled i come from a long line of a military family and not just the army some of the marines others navy as well as the air force every boy in the family at the age of 18 is made to go into the military before they can follow their dreams it's a family tradition as most of my family members say but i don't want to do that i want to be a restaurant owner someday and while i can't do that right now i can focus on a job and school for that purpose and reason i told my mother my plans and she replied with no you're going to join the military it's a family tradition i don't want to hear anything else about it recently i've been looking at apartments to rent in my city well she found out and tried to take my stuff because of it luckily i stopped her as i need my phone for work and my other stuff to cope with this bull crap going on so i don't go stir crazy i found some cheap places a week ago and are already making plans to move into the apartment and currently looking at so redid am i the antagonist for going ahead with my plans to move out now for the top comments nta i'm a veteran that joined the military against my parents wishes and i can tell you if you don't want to do it avoid it nothing worse than doing a job you don't like but doing a job you don't like that you can't quit and requires for you to put your life in danger no you are an adult and know what you want and this is not it nta i joined willingly twice first air force then army and the people that don't want to be there make it so much worse than it has to be for everyone there are many things someone can do to support the military especially as a restaurant owner without serving a single day if the op was certain they have no interest in federal service they could go through the recruiting process and disclose mental health issues or a history of counseling or other permanent disqualifiers that would prevent him from joining many recruiters would totally go for it because they get slammed if they don't have a certain number of appointments even if they don't sign up they can help him get their boss off their back and this helps get mom to back off too source my husband was forced to be a recruiter for three years navy vet here not the a-hole and agreed don't join if you don't want to there is no reason to give into parental slash family pressure for the sake of tradition apostrophe nta it's your life and you're an adult parents need to stop acting like they can control their children's future also take the time to search for a career most of the jobs us adults work don't end up in us being happy so you really need to take the time and go into something that you are interested in you can make good money in many other places and unhappiness isn't worth a higher paycheck i make good money but i really wish that i could work with animals nta traditions can be nice things but not when they do harm or make people unhappy it's tradition is not a reason to force someone to do something especially something as life-changing or life-ending as joining the military you are an adult and have the right to make your own decisions about your own life don't buy any nonsense from your parents about how they supported you when you were a child that was an obligation they took on when they decided to have a child not a debt to be paid off besides it's not like you are wanting to slack off and do nothing you have a goal and want to go to school and work all of which are extremely admirable things of which any family should be proud of ntaa trend that puts family into harm's way especially when they don't want to is not a tradition take your important documents passport birth certificate ssn card etc and give them to a trusted individual or bank deposit box for safe keeping until you move out good call on the documents yeah find them and secure them now same with cell phone numbers mlctc and lockdown access to bank accounts here's a plain text copy of the post for anyone else who is unable to read the op and the mod copy of the op due to the scroll box hello there i am 19 meters i'm planning to move out after a stunt my mother pulled i come from a long line of a military family and not just the army some of the marines others navy as well as the air force every boy in the family at the age of 18 is made to go into the military before they can follow their dreams it's a family tradition as most of my family members say but i don't want to do that i want to be a restaurant owner someday and while i can't do that right now i can focus on a job and school for that purpose and reason i told my mother my plans and she replied with no you're going to join the military it's a family tradition i don't want to hear anything else about it recently i've been looking at apartments to rent in my city well she found out and tried to take my stuff because of it luckily i stopped her as i need my phone for work and my other stuff to cope with this bull crap going on so i don't go stir crazy i found some cheap places a week ago and are already mac in plans to move into the apartment and currently looking at sir dictator for going ahead with my plans to move out am i the antagonist for kicking my three sisters out of my wedding after they came with their kids my wife and i got married two weeks ago we wanted a child free wedding so we've let everyone know my family lion lost friends and relatives and everyone was okay with it except for my family i have three sisters or with kids from two ten my mom said it was illogical to not allow kids since one this never happened in the family and two my sisters live towns away so the kids can't be left alone after a lot of arguing and others getting involved i stood my ground and they agreed to not bring kids at the wedding no one brought kids my parents and aunts were already there but then i saw my two sisters arriving with their kids i immediately went to ask what's the deal they began arguing with me when i said i won't be letting them in with the kids i saw my older sister came with her kids in the car i was pissed i asked why they decided to go against the rule and bring kids my mom started yelling at me when i told my sisters they weren't allowed in with the kids everyone was yelling at me i had to get the security involved to make them leave my parents and aunt left shortly after they were so pissed at me i got nasty texts later and my cousin posted about my shitty wedding on fb days later i've gathered the family and explained that what they did was wrong i asked if i allowed my sisters with their kids what message does that send to my in-laws and friends who wanted to bring kids but they couldn't my sisters argued with me and it turned out my mom told them to bring their kids and she'd deal with me later i told them they cold arranged for a babysitter but my mom said they wanted to celebrate as a whole family said that i ruined my own wedding by making a scene and everyone will always remember my wedding as a disaster a [ __ ] because of mine and my wife's child free bull they said the only way to fix it is to have another wedding party and include everyone especially kids i called them unreasonable i asked mom where tf she got the nerve to even demand that they blamed my wife and claimed it was deliberate i left they started talking to my wife trying to convince her that they don't approve of what happened and that they're giving us the chance to fix the situation otherwise the relationship is damaged this caused me a headache and i don't think what i did was wrong i just wanted them to have some respect for my wife and her family now for the top comments nta and your family is massively shitty i'm betting this isn't the first time they've tried to bully you to get their way tell them to pound sand exactly the fact that they agreed to the no kids rule but did it anyways just screams they think they are better than everyone else and above the rules it sounds like it was primarily his mom just bring them i'll deal with the fallout they are doubling down now because a second party will vindicate their poor choices in addition to just repeating the facts an excellent strategy i would also recommend you telling them to get the idea of a second party which i'm assuming op would be expected to pay for completely out of their minds as it will not be happening further they must apologize publicly okay the publicly part is optional if you don't think that will ever happen for agreeing to something that you expressed was very important to you about your wedding and then going back on their word if you as a family are to get past this the details of what it was they agreed to is irrelevant they agreed they lied you deserve an apology and tell them to keep your wife out of it it was a joint decision but they agreed to you nta nta you asked them beforehand to not bring kids and they did anyway also kids count as regular guests for weddings and it's not cool to bring ppl that's not invited especially when you have to pay per person for food chess etc you're right that in itself is an issue that i didn't have the chance to explain to them a problem here is that you're trying to make rational arguments to a brick wall of selfish [ __ ] who have no desire to think critically or empathetically you're not going to talk them into seeing the light you need to create boundaries and cut off contact until they apologize nta one it is your day and therefore your rules two your sisters had plenty of time to arrange alternative childcare arrangements i'm assuming this isn't something you sprung on them three you have now set a precedent for letting your family know that they cannot run roughshod over you four you're right it would have been unfair to those that had to leave their kids behind it's about whose opinion goes it's a power move from the family to show that they're in control by using manipulation mom he's not going to want his wedding ruined by kicking us out once we are all there rob kicks them out mom shocked pikachu face exactly this the fact that all three of them broke the rule sounds like they colluded what a bunch of self-absorbed jerks didn't even think about convenience seating food or how other folks would feel that fey couldn't bring their kids absolutely lee tunes [ __ ] it sounds like the sisters wold followed the rule but ops mom went behind his back and told his sisters to bring the kids anyways am i the antagonist for not wanting his ex-wife to move in with us edit i've written an update and i'll post it here if it gets approved thanks guys in the meanwhile here's the update on my profile thanks to the user who suggested it https www read it commuter throw away 494 739 and commencements 3941 update am i the antagonist underscore for underscore not underscore wanting underscore his underscore ex-wife underscore to underscore move underscore in utm underscore m-e-d-i-u-m equals a n d r o i d underscore a p p and g t m underscore s o u r c equals s h a r e i can't believe i'm even writing this i've 25 f been with my boyfriend 31 male 4 two years and we live together he's never said anything negative about his ex-wife 30 f but from my experience she's a bit of a basket case she's always been [ __ ] about our relationship and repeatedly disrespects our boundaries she would constantly make jokes about me stealing her man when we first started dating once she was talking about when she discovered their incompatibility and she said let's hope we stay incompatible for your sake at the time they had been divorced three years and she had since remarried she also can't ever hold down a job or pay her own bills she's incredibly irresponsible and emotional and she's completely unable to take care of herself my boyfriend always has felt extreme guilt about this of course that's normal with someone you once loved deeply i have reminded him over the course of our relationship that ultimately she's not his responsibility recently said ex-wife is going through a divorce and her current husband is kicking her out since she can't hold a job for very long and her previous husband supported her she can't afford an apartment on her own my edit for confusion boyfriend said she needs to come live with us i personally feel deeply uncomfortable with the situation and wouldn't want to live with her even under normal circumstances the fact that she's always making comments toward me and doesn't respect our relationship makes me want it even less i broached this with my boyfriend and he said i was being jealous and petty and that we should offer her help however we can i'm at a loss i don't want to move out and lose a wonderful relationship but i'm not comfortable living with his ex he says we can't just let her be homeless am i the antagonist for not wanting his ex-wife to move in with us now for the top comments [Music] she would constantly make jokes about me stealing her man when we first started dating once she was talking about when she discovered their incompatibility and she said let's hope we stay incompatible for your sake after three years of divorce honey no not the a-hole your boyfriend needs to realize that his ex-wife is not his moral responsibility she needs to cultivate her own support system and while that might include him it cannot and should not consist of relying on him to the point of living with you she's made it very clear that she's hostile to your partnership that's inviting literal toxicity into your home absolutely not your boyfriend needs a strong dose of reality and to recognize that her jokes aren't edit boyfriend not husband i can read p nta i mean would ops boyfriend let one of her exes come live with them somehow i doubt it maybe the disrespectful ex isn't the only one who hasn't totally moved on of course that's normal with someone you once loved deeply lol no it is very very not girl you gotta run your boyfriend and his ex-wife aren't nearly as ex as they should be this is not normal you are not the a-hole but you gotta get out seriously i'm scratching my head thinking how it even got to this point girl needs to run from this impending dumpster fire nta i don't want to move out and lose a wonderful relationship he has allowed his ex to insult and threaten you to your face for years and now he's moving her into your home and integrating your character because you don't like that unbelievable disregard for your dignity or well-being this is not a wonderful relationship this is a completely awful relationship and you will be far better off without him he doesn't know the extent of what she said to me she likes to make sure it's in private i've told him she's made weird comments but it's kind of on me that i haven't told him specifically how bad they are i don't want to talk badly about her in front of him but idk what to do up nowhere on earth is it normal or done to move an ex into a home with the current significant other only exception is someone is on their deep the fact that he is calling you names for saying no i'm really sorry but reading between the lines i have a feeling that if you were to offer him an ultimatum her or you you would lose nta i guess i'll find out because that's the ultimatum that's happening later i really hope i'm wrong and that he chooses you i'm sorry you are going through this holy mother of insert pikachu face here wtf is wrong with your boyfriend in what world would he think it is okay to make you uncomfortable in your own home by inviting his ex-wife who has been blatantly hostile towards you disrespectful of your relationship and made comments that indicate she wants him back to live with you do they have kids together because if not then why the hell is she still in any way a part of his life this is an absolute hard boundary for you and both of them are just happily stomping all over it i promise you if she moves in she will sabotage your relationship try her best to sleep with him and keep feeding him enough bs that he continues to gaslight you about it i'm not usually one for ultimatums but girl either she does not live with you or you pack up and leave this is 100 the proverbial hill to die on not the a-hole and i'm super outraged for you right now my ex was still friends with his ex prior to me and it massively affected our relationship it's like 80 percent of why he's an ex they didn't have kids together had no logistical reasons to still be in each other's lives but still they'd go out to brunch together and he even went on a week-long trip with her toward the end of our relationship it was a group thing with mutual friends but it was just the two of them staying together in a rental in the town where the other friends lived i understand continuing to care about a person who was an important part of your life for a long time especially if the relationship ends mutually and on good terms but not when it comes at the expense of a new relationship ex-wife in this story showed been cut off or put on lc status a long time ago ops bf needs to understand that this kind of relationship with the ex-wife is not healthy and will cost him a future with his current partner am i the antagonist for telling my stepdaughter she needs to lose weight and stop eating so much my step-daughter is 23 and i'm 42f she weighs considerably over 400 pounds and is only five four let's call her s she also still lives at home and doesn't pay rent because she is saving up to move out sometime in the future and still goes to school initially me and her dad suspected that her weight was a result of an eating disorder so we took her to a specialist and let her know we support her unconditionally well upon seeing an expert he concluded that she does not in fact show any eating disordered tendencies whatsoever and just needs to see a nutritionist to teach her about healthy eating so we did that and she went away with a meal plan this was five years ago and since then she has not only not lost any weight whatsoever but completely abandoned the idea of trying although we encourage her to go on walks with us and go dancing with me my class has a wide variety of body types she has always refused a few weeks ago we have found out that s is prediabetic however despite this she still refuses to make a lifestyle change although we keep only healthy food in the house she can't be bothered to cook and constantly orders in or goes out to eat with her friends a few days ago i decided to have a conversation with her and told her she needs to lose weight not because she isn't beautiful the way she is but because of her health i told her that she doesn't need to eat super healthy and just needs to eat less and she can even lose weight on takeaway as long as her portion sizes are smaller and it's not every day she tried to say that she barely eats anything and i simply said that even if the portions don't seem massive they are usually very oily which adds a lot of calories since she eats out all the time from this s went to her dad and claimed i'd called her fat and said she eats too much and that my comment was fat phobic because diabetes runs in the family and it's not her fault it's true that her granddad is diabetic but he's in his 70s she also said that it's her body and her choice and she's sick of us trying to make her exercise and eat differently as she is an adult you know she still lives at home and it's our duty as parents to try and help her live better am i the antagonist here now for the top comments info who is paying for the takeaways and meals out she is she works part-time okay so your intention is that she lives rent-free so that she can save up money to move out at some point in the future but in reality rather than saving she is in fact spent some if not all of her limited income on unhealthy food instead in addition to the healthy food you are proving for free does she actually have any savings she's not going to change because she doesn't want to and at the moment has no reason to this may sounds harsh but from the perspective of this internet stranger it seems you are unwittingly facilitating her behavior start charging her rent or make her move out why wbta if you allow this current arrangement to continue this was my takeaway as well charge her rent and you can even put it aside as a savings for her having all that extra money is only enabling her to eat more junk op i doubt she would ever go for this but if she would i think it would be worth it for her to see another eating disorder specialist anecdotally it seems that a lot of ed specialists tend to only see starvation type behavior paired with a sickly thin body as having a real eating disorder i'm 5'4 i grew up overweight crossed into obese in high school and by the time i was 22 to 23 i was over 200 lbs i also thought i didn't eat that much guess what i was well both right and wrong the difference in tde total daily energy expenditure the average number of calories burned in a day for a five feet four female at 200 pounds and the tde for a five feet four female at 130 pounds at my embarrassingly low activity level is only about 400 calories if you could clone 130 pounds me and have her hang out with 200 pounds me 200 pounds me would feel incredibly frustrated and justified in that frustration why is she so much smaller than me we eat exactly the same and the very real feeling anecdote of two very differently sized people eat the same and maintain two very different sizes is a trap that a lot of people fall into including me when i was over 200 pounds 400 calories both is and isn't a lot most of my lunches these days are under that number but i also still get starbucks drinks that are over that number sometimes the reality of the situation though was that i was 200 plus lbs and either holding steady at that number or slowly gaining so whatever number one was eating was enough to be over 200 lbs so in that sense yes i was eating that much that being said you say your stepdaughter is now at least 400 lbs that means the lowest ede is going to be barring some kind of severe medical condition or left out information about her missing limbs or something is three thousand to thirty five hundred calories a day if she's active it's going to be more than that her bmi is over 60. i don't think you can end up in that place without an eating disorder you don't have a rough few months and soothe yourself with an extra snack or meal and end up at 400 lbs it sounds to me like she either has an eating disorder or has gone through some kind of severe emotional slash mental trauma or both now but she does need some help but you also can't make her get help it's an unfortunate situation now you are obviously not the [ __ ] for wanting someone with a bmi that high to lose some weight but you can't sit a 23 year old down and tell them they have to lose weight and force them to do it she is an adult and has to make a choice i find it very hard to believe a specialist would say someone who is 400 pounds has no psychological issues they can help with there probably are mental health issues very few people enjoy being that overweight maybe a second opinion would be helpful maybe you can help her actually weigh her food if she claiming she hardly eats anything perhaps actually seeing the figures of exactly how many calories she eats per day compared to what she needs to eat perhaps she would read slash low seat would help i very seriously doubt she actually likes being 400 lbs i'm sure she is in pain and discomfort every day but she is in serious denial you just have to see shows like my 600 pound life has she ever watched that to see how much denial people can put themselves in and how much help they need to finally break free how does she get the money to eat out and go out with friends if you're subsidizing her stop giving her a penny if she's working maybe she needs to reevaluate how she spends her money if you started charging her rent maybe she'd get a reality check in that department you can't force anything because she will not lose weight until she decides to lose weight but you can look at how you're enabling her i very seriously doubt she actually likes being 400 lbs i'm sure she is in pain and discomfort every day but she is in serious denial speaking as someone who was six feet two and around 450 for several years due to incredibly poor life decisions yeah pain and discomfort is putting it mildly and the longer she keeps it on the more it's going to hurt her down the road [ __ ] i was only 250 a few years ago and it was pretty bad i had to wear a sling for a week because i used my elbow to prop me out of bed i can't even fathom what that would be like at 400 there's no way anyone near there isn't just constantly in discomfort

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 2,190

Rating: 4.7419353 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: 7OYqX31JUFA

Length: 26min 46sec (1606 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 04 2021