Actual BDSMer Watches Fifty Shades of Grey | Kat Blaque

hey guys it's kat and this is going to be something a little bit different you guys know that i've been trying a couple of new things on this youtube channel and i thought that i would try my hand at doing my first movie review and i thought that the best way to try this out would be to watch a movie that i've been meaning to watch for a very long time that i have habitually avoided [Music] 50 shades of grey now if you're brand new to my channel and this is the first time you clicked on one of my youtube videos i am a lot of things but one of the things i am is a bdsm submissive so i figured that i would watch this film and try to get a sense for a why the community didn't like it and b what i think the movie's understanding of bdsm was now i came into the bdsm community in a post 50 shades of gray world from what i could piece together from the way that people in the bdsm community reacted to the bdsm that was expressed in 50 shades of grey um it was a misrepresentation it was presented in a very negative way um and it was presented in a way that doesn't fully you know show what bdsm is it gave people the wrong impression that's what a lot of people have been telling me now i'm gonna go into this film with a very open mind i'm not going to try to go into this film with an expectation of disliking it i'm gonna just watch it and we're gonna have natural reactions and we're gonna see how i personally feel i figured that we would just go into it with an open mind and let's see how we feel let's see what impression we get but before we get into this video i wanted to let you guys know that it's sponsored by skillshare right now a lot of us are at home trying to learn new skills and skillshare is an amazing community of creatives where people teach each other new creative talents and skillshare makes that all easy by giving you guys unlimited classes for 10 a month from illustration to animation to graphic design to photography there are so many different types of classes you can take right now i'm taking a class that's all about merchandise design and i'm planning on giving you guys some really cool merchandise coming up and it's definitely helping me get it done right now the first 1 000 of you guys who click on the link in the description box will get two free months of skillshare anyways back to your regularly scheduled programming okay so first things first this video is going very differently than i planned very very differently than i planned i have an alternative version of this video that i uploaded to my patreon for you guys who are curious what this video was going to be basically i have now seen this film five times um in the course of editing something that could not be posted to youtube which i'm very very frustrated over but now i have the plot very very fresh in my mind so i thought that i would come to you and just give you guys my real honest over it tired i'm done with this film synopsis of the plot which who knows maybe that's better the film starts with anastasia steel who is a mousy brunette who is shy and she's an english major and she's about to graduate from the university of washington with a degree in english literature her roommate kate is supposed to be interviewing a mysterious billionaire named christian gray but she's sick and it seems like she's not going to be able to do it so she sends her roommate anna instead anna goes to christian gray's gray house and it is pristine the women are beautiful the place is very sleek and modern she is clearly out of her place right so she meets christian gray who to me looks like a little boy in a tuxedo but you know everyone's got their type and she is very very taken by him right she's very very taken by him she is struggling to do the interview so eventually he ends up leading her and this is where he establishes that he is used to getting his way if you know what i mean there's a lot of innuendo because he's a big dummy mcdomerson who likes to do dummy things but she doesn't know that yet and he's still figuring her out right so they have a back and forth eventually he starts asking her questions about herself and he's intrigued and she's turned on anastasia christian and when she leaves she's clearly excited to have been in the presence of christian gray domi macdon number five right so she goes home and kate can tell that she clearly has the hots for christian gray she's looking longingly at photos of him and she clearly has christian gray on the mind the next day she's at school and she's chewing the gray pencil that he gave her because you know it's just she just can't get him off of the mine she's just so taken by this little boy in a tuxedo so she runs into her friend jose who is the only person of color in this film and jose is a photography student and he has this new show that he would love to invite her to because jose is interested in anna jose wants to have sex with anna that's established pretty early on right but she doesn't quite pick up on it and she very innocently goes off to work right so it turns out the anastasia works at a hardware store and she's got a very very normal very very humble job there right while she's working at the store she gets a phone call from her mom and it turns out that her parents are divorced and her mom is not going to be able to make it to the graduation so she hangs up the phone and she's really bummed out about this but she doesn't have a lot of time to process this because her boss who totally wants her asked her for some help right so she follows her boss around the corner and as she turns the corner right there in the middle of the store is christian mother gray who of course just happened to be in the area just happened to be in the area you know it's not stalkerish at all not yet at least so he goes down a list of items that he's looking for he's looking for some rope he's looking for some tape some bleach a tarp he's looking for all types of things that a serial killer needs right and of course these are all supposed to be naughty mcnotterson things but anna is just oblivious she's innocent she doesn't pick up on any of it right so she goes to check him out and he's asking her about the interview whether or not she has everything that she's gonna need for the interview and she mentions that she's having a really hard time clearing a photo so christian gray has a great idea he'll come the next day to their school and will do a photo shoot so that they have photos for the article right and so the next day comes and jose of course is the photographer and christian gray is just you know dominic domerson on domerson lane he can't smile he can't show emotion all he can do is stare deep into anna's eyes which of course isn't creepy at all anna is flattered by this and taken by this she's giggling in the corner with her roommate kate and she tells her that after the photo shoot they're gonna go get coffee and of course this is just a giggle giggle moment after the photo shoot christian gray asked anna if she has a boyfriend and if jose is her boyfriend and if she wants to [ __ ] her boss and she basically says no and friend zones everyone and they go on to have their coffee date while on this coffee day christian gray asked anna if she is romantic and anna says well she's an english lit major of course she's romantic right the conversation continues for a moment but it ends really abruptly because christian grey just says that he just just can't do this anna chases after him and asks why why the date is ending so prematurely and he says i don't do the girlfriend thing which is a convenient excuse that i've heard quite a bit through my life anna goes home and she's really really sad but kate and her are getting ready to go out to a graduation party they are ready to paint the town red on their way out she notices that she's got a big stack of these brand new first edition books books that she loves and of course these books are from christian gray but they're on their way out and she's ready to put all of her christian grey thoughts behind her so anna gets really really drunk and you know as somebody who has graduated college i remember what this was like a girl i got so wasted at the graduation party i was so ready to just be done with school um and she gets a little too drunk she gets a little too wasted right and she goes to the bathroom and she opens up her phone and she's about to delete christian gray's number but instead she does what a lot of us have done in the past and she decides to call him instead while she's on the phone with christian gray christian can clearly tell that anna is drunk and becomes really really concerned he starts asking where she is asking what's going on if she's safe but anna is just trying to really make it clear that she doesn't care she doesn't even care that's why that's why she called him she doesn't care what he thinks or or she's not interested anyway you know that that's what she's trying to get that's what she's trying to get across at least right so she hangs up the phone and almost seconds after she gets a phone call back from christian gray telling her that he knows exactly where she is and he's coming to pick her up which isn't creepy not creepy at all it's romantic actually anyway so she leaves the bathroom and she's on her way back to join her friends and jose is there and jose is a little tipsy and jose thinks this is the time where he's gonna shoot his shot so jose tries to start having the conversation with her and slowly tries to have a sort of intimate moment with her she tries to kiss her and just as he's going in for the kiss christian gray white knights it up and pushes him out of the way he grabs anna and of course he is the knight in shining armor christian offers to take her back to the hotel room but before she leaves with christian she's like what about kate and it turns out that christian has hooked kate up with his brother elliot the two leave the bar and i guess everything is a-okay she wakes up the next morning and she's wearing different clothes and of course she's wondering how the hell she got into these new clothes and where exactly did christian grace sleep it's at that point where he tells her that apparently he changed her he undressed her and put her into new clothes and also slept right next to her that's exactly what happened but they didn't have sex nothing weird he says that he's not into necrophilia or anything like that but he does let her know if you were mine you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week what which of course confused anna when she asked christian gray why he did what he did he says that he's incapable of leaving her alone which is romantic it's romantic of course christian gray tells her that the books were actually an apology for him not being able to be the man that she wanted so he drives anna home and drops her off and as they're walking into her apartment of course kate is being a little naughty girl on the couch with elliott and it's oh my gosh they seem to be hitting it off quite well i guess you could say and christian drops her off and says laters baby which is disgusting absolutely disgusting to me um don't ever say that to a woman and christian tells her that he's gonna send his driver to pick her up after work so the next day she's at the hardware store and she again can't stop thinking about christian gray he's so sexy he's so rich he's so protective i guess right she leaves work and christian gray's driver comes and picks her up and they drive to this helicopter tarmac so of course anna is like oh my gosh i'm about to go into a helicopter i'm so excited and she gets into a helicopter and i gotta say i i don't know if you can tell already but i was not a huge fan of this film but the one thing about this movie that i did like was the soundtrack [Music] the soundtrack was the flavor so they land at christian gray's apartment and he lives in this swanky nice marble floored apartment he's sexy he's a bachelor he's rich and anna is horny let's just be honest anna's horny she's horny so they sit down and the first thing that christian gray does is hand her an nda and a glass of wine and she very uncritically signs it says that she would never tell anyone about what they do here so anna asks if this is the time where they're going to make love obviously being quite horny when she does so and christian gray leans in and says in his most dummy mcdomberson voice i don't make love i [ __ ] hard [Laughter] oh if christian cray were real i would have i would laugh right in his face but in in this movie she's very very taken by him right and so throughout the entire film christian gray up to this point has referenced consent and wanting to bring her into things consensually after he has her sign the nda they walk to another portion of his apartment and they get to a door and christian says that behind this door is his play room and she of course is imagining you know some guy's [ __ ] man cave with an xbox or whatever and she's like you mean like there's an xbox there and and uh you know like a pool table or something like what's what's back there and he says i want to make sure that you know you you know what you're doing and everything's consensual indebted to the dog and he shows her hit the playroom and it's at this point where we figure out that christian gray is into some kinky [ __ ] we get a full view of his playroom i i gotta be honest with you guys i'm a little disappointed with his playroom i guess i expected to see like nicer bdsm furniture um just more stuff really it's very i mean for a home dungeon though i mean it's not it's not bad it just for me it feels like it's more of a display room than it than it is a playroom if that makes any sense now of course anna is vanilla and very very confused by this and so she's not sure if christian gray is the one who gets spanked or does the spanking and christian gray makes it really clear very early on that he is dominic domerson on domerson lane and he's the only one who gets spanked in this relationship that is who he is right and so anna is clearly on the fence and very very nervous about all of this at this point he explains exactly what he's looking for he tells her that he's looking for a live-in weekend slave who is willing to sign a contract that essentially allows him to do virtually anything to to her right that's essentially what it is and she is kind of human and haunt and they're talking about the contract and whether or not she's gonna even know what she's signing on to and it's at this point in the conversation where it's discovered that anna is actually a virgin and of course this turns christian grey on more than anything there is nothing in this world that has turned christian gray on more than this exact moment in fact he says something along the lines of where have you been all my life you know he's just so taken by her right and so he grabs her and picks her up and they go into the other room to rectify the situation they have sex it's a very underwhelming sex scene the music is fire though the music throughout this entire thing is great i have to reiterate so they wake up the next morning and anna is already in the kitchen cooking this guy breakfast she's already cooking breakfast for this man the dick must have been real good the dick girl it's you you would have to give me a life-changing dick for me to cook you breakfast she's clearly getting a lot more comfortable with christian gray and so christian decides to do a little bit of an impromptu bdsm scene he takes one of his ties and decides to tie it around her wrist and they have you know a kinky little bds semi scene right and it's getting hot and heavy and they're really getting into it and then his mom shows up his mom very abruptly interrupts the scene and christian gray has to run and get some clothes on and interact with his mom and it's really clear that there is at least there is some sort of animosity or some sort of unsorted issue that he has with his mother his mother however could not be more ecstatic to finally meet one of the various women that christian gray has been involved with she tells anna that her daughter mia is in town and she invites her to a dinner that they're going to be having later that week and of course anastasia accepts christian gray drives anna home and on the way home christian gray has clearly taken the scenic route they take a little bit of a walk and anna asked christian grey about submission and it's at this point where christian grey reveals that when he was a teenager this woman apparently groomed him and was his dominant for five years he explains to her the gratifying nature of bdsm and why exactly he enjoyed being submissive and why she potentially would enjoy it as well it seems like ann is still not entirely sold on it but it gives her a bit to think about christian grey drops her off at home and hands her the contract that she's supposed to review and sign and deliver to him to start their bdsm relationship christian gray tells anna to email him if she has any questions or concerns and she says that she doesn't have the ability to do so because her computer is broken right so she walks into her apartment and as she enters her apartment she sees a man in her apartment setting up a brand new computer and of course it's a macbook but we won't talk about that in this video anna spends the next couple of days looking over the contract and all the various things she starts googling things that she doesn't understand and sending christian gray messages and just she's trying to process all of this it's all brand new to her and it's a lot to take in christian gray on the other hand is becoming very very very impatient and really wants to get an answer from her quickly as anna is starting to figure out the contract she very playfully decides to send christian gray an email that says it was nice knowing you dot dot dot the next day anna is doing laundry and she comes into her apartment and despite the fact that subtext is not legible through text christian grey decided to let himself into her apartment and wait in the darkness to surprise her when she comes home which is romantic of course not creepy at all for a man to let himself into your apartment not creepy at all whatsoever when when he pops out of the corner with a glass of wine instead of being scared like i would be if i told someone to leave me alone and they decided to show up to my apartment um they have rough sex they have very very rough sex and anna seems to enjoy it quite a bit very abruptly after they have sex christian starts asking her about the contract and it's clear that she's still on the fence so he leaves in a huff and she is left hot and bothered so the next day she decides to send him an email saying that she's ready to negotiate the contract but she wants to do it in a very fancy formal way so the following day she shows up to his office and she's dressed in her business best and they sit in a boardroom meeting and they go over the contract and honestly this is one of my favorite parts of the movie they very playfully and very formally go through the contract and anna starts striking things off that she doesn't want and christian gray is so impressed by her so impressed by the way that she's conducting herself that he decides to sweeten the deal earlier in the film he said that she wasn't romantic but just for her because she's doing so well he decides that he's going to cut her some slack and give her one day out of the week where they go on a real date things get a little hot and heavy in the boardroom but they don't go anywhere christian is expecting that by the end of this meeting anna's going to sign it but she says that she still needs some time to think and look over the contract and it's clear that anna's enjoying the little bit of power she has in this direct moment the next day it's finally graduation and christian gray is ready to give his big ol graduation speech while giving a speech anna notices that christian grey is actually wearing the same exact necktie that he used in their little impromptu bdsm scene while her mother wasn't able to make it her biological father was and her father seems so impressed with christian gray he couldn't be happier that that is a particular man that is dating his daughter the two go back to anna's apartment and they pour some champagne they're celebrating the graduation and christian gray lets anna know that he has a surprise for her he leads her outside and it's revealed that christian gray has purchased her a brand new car when she asked what happened to her old car kristen lets her know that they've actually sold her old car which of course wasn't a violation at all it's just you know he was getting her a new car so who cares anna is clearly getting a little frustrated with christian gray and she rolls her eyes slightly which apparently makes christian grey want to punish her so he drags anna back into the apartment bends her over his knee and gives her a few light spankings and then tells her that he has to rush off to work this again leaves her hot and heavy after christian gray leaves she gets a phone call from her mother who can tell that she's not in the best state her mother apologizes for missing her graduation and says that if she ever needs to get away if she needs a break away from this christian gray guy she can come to visit her in georgia and just have some mother-daughter time the next day anastasia is at christian grey's house and there is a picture of them on the front of the newspaper but christian grey doesn't really seem to mind it seems that he is okay with people at least insinuating that they are together that they are dating christian gray leads her to the playroom and they have their first official bdsm scene did that hurt no you see most of your fears in your head that was actually a really good point like a lot of bdsm it's really about it looking scary it looks scarier than it actually is now of course there is heavier stuff that is scary but a lot of bdsm is it's more kind of about it seeming like you're in danger but you're really not after their scene anna wakes up alone in her bed and there's a dress sitting at the foot of her bed she puts it on and goes downstairs where she sees christian grey all dressed up and ready to go christian gray reminds her that tonight is the dinner that his mother invited her to they danced for a little bit before heading off to dinner when they get to the dinner it's really clear that the grays are a very interesting bunch mia speaks french mia was played by rita ora by the way and they're just a really interesting eclectic bunch of people at dinner anna mentions that she's going to be visiting her mother in georgia and this pisses christian gray off so much that they have to excuse themselves and go out into the yard to have a conversation about it this is where some things kind of come to a head anna is really really confused by why christian grey would have needed to agree for her to go and see her mother it's her mom she can go do what she wants and she doesn't get it and she's also acknowledging that while he's trying to control her in this way that she still doesn't understand where all of this comes from that she still doesn't get the bdsm that she isn't totally happy and that she would like for him to be more open more honest more transparent but it's clear that he's not entirely ready to do that that night when anna is fast asleep christian gray decides to tell her something he tells her that he was born to a mother who was addicted to drugs a mother who did sex work and a mother who neglected him he says all of this while anna is fast asleep but it's clear that this was something that took him a lot to say even in that position anna visits her mother in georgia and it's clear that despite the fact that she has been avoiding her all throughout the film anna does have some sort of jealousy for the type of relationship her mother has with her stepfather they are overtly romantic and just cute and just you know adorable and that's not quite the relationship that she has with christian gray so on her way to bed she texts christian gray and says that she misses him and he responds saying that he also misses her he also lets her know that he's on his way to have dinner with a friend and this friend just happens to be the woman who groomed and abused him when he was 15 years old obviously this pisses anna off and she is not happy that he's going and having dinner with a woman who technically abused him christian gray reassures her that she's just a friend there's nothing serious going on there and there's nothing to be afraid of clearly anna doesn't buy it clearly anna doesn't buy it so she doesn't respond when she doesn't respond to this text message he decides to call her and anna does not answer the phone the next day anna is at brunch with her mother and they're sitting around just having cocktails having good old girl time and she gets a text message and the text message is referencing the cocktail that she currently has in her hand christian gray somehow someway has figured out exactly where she is and flown to georgia to see her but again this does not really seem to bother her so she decides to cut mother and daughter time short and christian takes her to fly some airplanes christian introduces anna as his girlfriend and this is clearly a really important moment for anna she's never been referred to by christian as his girlfriend so she's really excited to hear it they go up in the plains and it's a cute adorable moment and anna is still trying to get christian to be more intimate with her he's calling her his girlfriend it seems like they're on the right track but it still seems like he's afraid to open up and anna keeps asking him what exactly is he afraid of why isn't he willing to open up and in the midst of that conversation he gets an emergency call from work and has to fly back to seattle to attend to it anna also manages to fly back to seattle and goes directly to christian gray christian is clearly not out of the weeds and is very very frustrated with work so anna naturally asked if she should be here or if she should just go home and christian grace says that there's nothing that he wants more than for her to be there in that exact moment he tells her to go to the bdsm room and wait for him he's gonna be there in 15 minutes so they have a bdsm scene and it's honestly fairly light but again the music that was going on during the whole thing was great it was that it was great right but it was a very very light scene and again anna wakes up in her bed alone there's no aftercare but dominic domerson is downstairs playing his piano anna goes downstairs to join him and ask why all the songs he plays on his piano are so gosh darn sad and then she really starts trying to peel back the layers of the onion she starts asking him why he's into bdsm why he wants to punish her why he's wanting to do what he wants to do to her and he's dodging the questions again he's saying that if she ever really knew the full story it would be too much for her to handle it would be a total 180 and she would no longer be interested in him and he's afraid of that and blah blah blah blah blah blah and she's frustrated by this conversation she's really really frustrated that she still doesn't totally get what he wants and so she says to him something that you should never say to a dom punish me show me how bad it can be i want you to show me the worst so the two go downstairs and he says to her i'm gonna give you six spankings and i want you to count for each one i give you so he gives her six very very firm spankings very very firm spankings and he goes up to touch her he goes up to bring her back to earth as we say in the bdsm community and she flips out she flips out she's got tears falling down her face she's crying and it's clear that she was traumatized in some way by the experience she turns to him and says is this what you want is this what you want is this what you're looking for and obviously christian gray is confused he just spent the entire film talking about him wanting this thing so he's a little confused by why exactly she's having the reaction she's having so she storms out of the playroom and goes to her room and she starts crying profusely and she tells him that she never wants him to touch her ever again the next morning it's really clear that their relationship is over and she starts talking about getting her old car back and returning all the gifts and she's done with him and that is how 50 shades of grey ends with her leaving the same way she came christian so this movie really tried my last nerve my absolute last nerf so i'm gonna take a break i'm going to walk away for a second i'm going to decompress have a glass of wine and we're going to come back and talk about how exactly i felt about this film as a bdsm there's dominant women there's a lot of a lot of dominant women out there wonderful talented skilled amazing women who have these relationships so women can be dominant too it's not like a gender thing where women are submissive men are dominant it's not always like that no it's not is everyone like solidly dominant or submissive like is that like do you have to pick one yeah so some people will tell you that um it's the same thing as like being bisexual they're like oh you just haven't found it out oh yeah i'm i'm i'm more of a switch than anything else um i identify as kinkster which means that i enjoy a wide variety of kinky activities oftentimes that means i'm on top sometimes it means i'm on bottom we also have top bottom power dynamics just like a lot of other communities do um for us the top is the one who gives the thing and the bottom is the one who takes it oh okay you don't have to be one thing you can be whatever makes sense to you well that was a doozy i thought i would slip into something a little bit more comfortable and talk to you about my final thoughts for this film as you can tell by the way that i reacted to the end of this movie i didn't love it i didn't love it um it's a movie that i've honestly if i went the rest of my life without ever seeing it again i think it would be too soon i don't need to see it again i'm glad that we watched it but um yeah i just wasn't particularly great and you know i don't know if you guys need to hear this from me or not but if i saw christian gray at a dungeon i would probably laugh at him or if i if i wouldn't laugh at him i would be really snarky like i could just i could already like see how i would react i would be so snarky and terrible i guess for me when it comes to like the kind of guys that i want to be spanked by personally they're usually men who carry themselves a certain way especially men who don't need to brag like i would be i would be so turned off by the bragging i would be so turned off by the flaunting of the wealth all of this would turn me off so much because it would just come off to me as really insecure most of the dominance i know are some of the most humble men you will ever meet right so i'm going to start off by saying this um i feel like one of the criticisms that i kept hearing about this film was that it was an unrealistic portrayal of bdsm i have only seen the one movie i have not read the book i have tried really hard to avoid any sort of videos or other reviews of this movie i just wanted to give you guys my true honest real feelings and from what i've heard of the book the movie and the book are very different so i'm going to start off by saying something that may or may not be an unpopular opinion i did not think that this was an inaccurate portrayal of bdsm is it the kind of bdsm that i do absolutely not but do some people indeed engage in this particular type of bdsm yes so i've met a lot of men like christian gray i've i've met so many men like christian gray and i don't know if it's the again if this is a result of a post 50 shades of grey world but i've met a lot of men like christian gray these guys who are just kind of entitled they want what they want and they are excited by women who don't quite know what they want right a lot of dominance don't like experience bottoms or submissives because you walk in with boundaries you walk in with experience you walk in knowing what you want and don't want right there are certain dominance those dominants who are really excited about the new girls they're excited because they get to define to that person what bdsm is it's very common for men to meet women like that for these male dominants to meet women like that and be really excited and it's it's actually a really similar story to what was portrayed in the film a lot of times you'll this woman will meet a guy who's a dominant and and she'll be really taken by him she'll be really infatuated with him he presents the bdsm thing to her and she because she's so taken by him will just sort of agree the bdsm thing is fine but it's not it's not fine and in the back of her head she's saying to herself i'm going to get him to the point where he doesn't really want to do this bdsm stuff and he just loves me right that's the way that a lot of vanillas think if you just signed the contract you wouldn't have to think about care so much about the contract christian don't you like me the way i am but i guess for me it's just that's just such an overwhelmingly toxic message you know you know that i like this thing and you're going to hold it against me for liking it that doesn't seem fair especially when i'm up front with you see to me the the whole film should have ended after christian grey walked out on the first date and truly probably in a better ending after anna was about to delete his number if she just deleted his number you know the thing that angered me about the end is that christian gray is very clear about what he wants he's very clear about what his interests are he's very very very clear and there was something really bizarre about watching you know him do the scene with this woman who has all throughout this film yes maybe expressed a bit of hesitation but throughout the film this woman knows that he is into some kinky [ __ ] and now she he's spanking her and she's traumatized you know and that's that's really wild but here's the thing though a lot of men like christian gray they again they love that inexperience i've never done this before kind of girl and what you're gonna get with somebody like that is that they're gonna change their mind you know they're gonna have experiences with you that are bad and that's going to affect how they look at those experiences for the rest of their life so i say all that to say that being a dominant you know we think a lot about the submissive being safe and i you know i'm there with you as a submissive but the reality is doms need to watch out for themselves too doms need to be able to be aware of the fact that if they play with somebody inexperienced there's a possibility that that person might have an experience with you and then later reflect on it and say that it was something that it wasn't it's what you want you want to see you want to see me like this don't come near me so i want to qualify what i'm saying here really quickly because i know that people could potentially misinterpret it christian grey in the mythology of this movie is an experience dominant right he should know what to do and what not to do and what she can take and what she can't take and a responsible dominant aka the dominance that i personally would respect would not look at somebody like anastasia steele somebody who's on the fence who's not sure who doesn't really know what she wants and give her their worst he would never do that because he knows that that can scar them he knows that that could be something that would scar them long-term so what he would do is we'd probably be like hey you know i can give you a little bit and we can work up to that but i'm not going to do it just because you said i'm going to do it also i'm the dominant here it was irresponsible for christian gray to play with her as hard as he played with her because she was not prepared for it and had she been more prepared for it it might have been a more satisfactory scene she might have actually enjoyed it but something like that would probably take her years to build up so it was very selfish and not very caring of christian to actually give her what she was asking for i had so many thoughts when anna got up and said don't touch me and then started judging him for doing the thing because with the kind of guys like christian gray who come into the community and they're they're good looking they've got resources and they've got you know toys or whatever there's a there's a there are a lot of rumors about those kind of men and almost all the rumors are there was some sort of accident during a bdsm scene and then that gets translated into he abused me and next thing you know everyone in the bdsm community is an abuser dominance that i know personally men that i respect would not look at somebody who's never done this before and be like oh i'm so excited they would say hey maybe come back in a couple of years when you figured this stuff out because it's just not worth the risk it's not worth the risk you know now for me there is a very distinct difference between somebody who does bdsm in their bedroom with their partner and that's kind of where it begins and ends and the people like myself who are part of a bdsm community who are part of a community of bdsmrs who are looking out for each other questioning each other holding each other accountable and ultimately just creating community amongst each other there's a very stark difference in my opinion between your bedroom bdsmer and your bdsmr who participates in the culture in the community i can see how a lot of people thought that it portrayed bdsm poorly because it truly isn't a reflection of most bdsm stuff it just isn't i think it's a pretty good depiction of bedroom bdsm and especially what a man who did bed at bedroom bdsm would do if he got the resources so here's the thing i really want to give people who are not bdsmr's perspective on the bdsm community that's kind of why i wanted to make this video because i knew that there were going to be a lot of people who saw 50 shades of grey and felt like this is what bdsm is that was her submissive for six years now the one thing i will give christian great credit for is that he started as a submissive and that's actually something that i think is really good because in my experience as a submissive and as a bottom the men who say that they are just too good to ever bottom or they're just too this or that to ever bottom in my just for me they're usually not very good players very rarely have i met a man who has never bottomed who's actually a good top part of being a good top is being able to see what you're doing being able to know what you're doing and there's really no way to understand if you're giving the right sensation to a person who's bottoming for you unless you've experienced that sensation now of course you don't have to be a submissive in order to experience those sensations but for a lot of people the classic way dom becomes a dom is he first starts as a submissive servicing another dominant right and through the course of him servicing this dominant he learns about service he learns about being a dominant he learns about how to properly do that and then through him coming up through that through him expressing interest in domination and then trying and then being trained and things like that being watched over by other dominance he will eventually be awarded the title and and if i'm being honest now i came into bdsm in a post 50 shades of grey world i've met a lot of men who say i'm a dominant because i say i'm a dominant and that's just how it is those people are very very different from the people who just who went through this process that i just described where they started as a submissive they started to express interest in domination and then were trained and then given the title of dominant because dominant is a title that's given and a lot of people don't necessarily get that you can call yourself domi mcdonald lane but you're probably not gonna get respect for it in the larger bdsm community unless people know that you're a good player and while there is a lot to be said about gatekeeping in the bdsm community i'll be completely honest and say that i think it's one of the best ways to get a good scene is gatekeeping is to have all of these sort of conversations about what consent is and how to hit somebody safely and know that that person is trustworthy is not manipulating somebody is not doing this you know i think that that's all these are all things that are really really really really really important but they're overlooked in a i guess post 50 shades of grey world where a guy who owns a couple of suits says that you know he's a dominant and i guess we're just all supposed to take his word for it you know oh i exercise control on all things ms steele i will just say that my general criticism of 50 shades of grey is this is just an over exaggerated version of your typical over idealized heterosexual love story you've got this shy submissive woman who doesn't really have much of a direction in life who meets this big rich dominant man who wants to give her the world it's really just these exaggerations of these already commonly accepted tropes and i think the thing that i personally really appreciate about bdsm is its subversiveness because while yes there are a lot of men in the bdsm community who are dominant in their daily lives who are also dominant in their kink lives that's often not really the case and i think the thing that i will say about christian gray that i found to be really confusing is that christian gray is almost this perfect character we know that he has flaws we understand that he has flaws we know that he has this dark past right but christian great in his daily life is very in control of his [ __ ] he's got an entire you know building full of people who are eager to please him he's got money cars he's got basically anything a uh you know a capitalist man would ever want which one is yours oh he just doesn't have at least right now a submissive but i think the thing that confused me a bit about the way the christian grey's character functioned is that there was really nothing about his character that told me that when he's in bdsm which bdsm for most of us is escape you know it is us deciding to choose a role that allows us to play it's play you know it's it's us sort of doing a thing we don't usually do in our daily life which is part of why it's so taboo for many people right i know a lot of men in their daily life who are dominant in the bdsm community who may be due to some degree identify as dominant in their daily lives but oftentimes they aren't really able to live out that fantasy of them being the dominant person oftentimes there are so many things in the way of that you know whether it's their class whether it's their current ability you know there are so many things that you know even if this man desires domination he doesn't get it naturally so bdsm for many of these particular types of men is a way of sort of making that standardized so that they can retreat into it and indulge into a thing that they don't get in their daily life right that's kind of the point for a lot of bdsmrs is to escape for myself personally i'm somebody who you know in my daily life i'm very in control of my stuff i've kind of always had to be hyper aware of how i carry myself how i'm coming off to other people how i'm speaking how i'm walking how i'm talking whether or not i look a certain way you know i think a lot about all of these things and these are things that are constantly buzzing in my head and what i appreciate about being a submissive is that i can allow somebody to sort of take the reins right i can allow them to lead me in a certain direction and fully trust that that they're gonna do a good job doing it right why exactly is gray dominant you know i the only thing i could say that may or may not lend itself to christian gray being a dominant is when we see his family it's pretty clear that he has a bad relationship with his mother and that his mother probably is the more dominant of the two um of his parents right so it makes you just kind of wonder what that's about like did he get some of that from some bad relationship with his mom we don't know i know the other books answer based on how you guys respond to this one i may watch the others but yeah to me it was just kind of like i just don't understand why you need a weekend slave a contract all of these things why are you drawn to that and i think that the film could have shown the audience something didn't need to show her but at least the audience you know there's nothing in his life that he doesn't seem in control of so it almost doesn't entirely make sense to me that if he were to be in a bdsm dynamic that he would choose domination i really didn't understand why anna was starting to like it what about her experiences would lend her to be in a position where she was more open to bdsm i step i kept thinking like does she like it or is it a case of her putting up with it just because who knows maybe both i don't know i can only i can only read that she was being i don't know just kind of biting the bullet so that she could get closer to christian gray i don't know like for me i really enjoy being flogged because it feels like a really nice massage right we don't really get any insight into how she's feeling about this really we just know that she is a smiling mess because she's in love with christian gray which fair but i don't know why do you want to punish me anna why do you want to hurt me i would never do anything to you that you couldn't handle why do you even want to do anything to me at all christian for a lot of people bdsm is a deeply personal thing so it's not we're not just going to come out and tell you you know our deepest darkest secrets and why we like doing what we do it's a lot easier for me just to say hey i like being spanked do you want to do that cool let's do that but having those deeper conversations i mean that's that's what i love about my partner him and i we've been together for four years and we are still peeling back the onion we are still figuring out why all of these things are exciting to us right but we're doing it in a safe way and we care about each other right so about the bdsm contract right i think the contract you can look at it a couple of ways right firstly i'll say that a consent contract is kind of just missing the point you know these consent contracts are not legally binding first and foremost and they really do completely ignore the reality of what consent is you know so so a consent contract doesn't really work that way right but that all being said that all being said i think what some people from outside of the bdsm community might not understand is that for a lot of bdsmrs who have a contract the contract is part of the play right and part of i know for a lot of submissives is how exciting it is that you signed a contract right um that means a lot it's exciting that you signed a contract and that you're on a contract and that this person is leading you in this way or that way right that's the exciting part for a lot of submissives right but that all being said when you watch the film it's really clear that the contract really isn't part of christian grey's play it might be something that anna is using to push and pull or whatever in the way that he's pushed and pulled her but it's not entirely the same you know christian gray takes this contract really really seriously and as much as he offered to do naughty things to her in the boardroom i think that it's not going to be a unanimous sort of thing that the contract is part of the play i don't i think it's very serious for christian whereas she doesn't take it quite as serious because in her opinion he should love her anyway right um so yeah i think that that there's a couple of nuances with that contract i thought that that it was great that they showed her saying no that they showed her saying i don't want to do this i don't want to do that i'm curious about that you know that was all great i know that this is explored in the other movies and the other books but for me the domination just all felt so unnecessary even though i really don't want to watch this movie ever again i didn't hate it it wasn't like the worst movie ever in the world it was watchable i thought at some points it was really really beautiful but yeah i mean the ending really pissed me off like i actually got mad because that's how it ended you know because it really did frame bdsm as abusive it just did you know like you're supposed to watch that scene and feel like christian gray is this terrible terrible person but christian grey told anna exactly who he was from day one and i think that in both of these situations these two people were just not really wanting to believe that the other person wanted what the other person said they wanted she said that she wanted love and romance he said that he wanted kinky sex neither of them wanted to give it to each other like it doesn't it doesn't the the opposites don't really attract anyway what did you guys think of 50 shades of grey i would love to know what you guys have to say i read so many bad things about about this movie and i'm not saying it's not bad it is it's pretty bad and i'm not saying that christian grey isn't creepy he definitely is but it wasn't as worse as i thought it was gonna be i thought it was gonna be much much much much worse i will say though the sex the sex scenes for the most part didn't do much for me neither did the bdsm i almost feel like you could remove well no you couldn't really if you removed the bdsm it would be very very boring thank you so much for watching this video let me know if you guys want me to make more like it totally open to watch movies it's all we've been doing in quarantine anyway on that note i'm gonna go i will talk to you guys next week [Music] bye [Music] you

Channel: Kat Blaque

Views: 1,087,099

Rating: 4.9617414 out of 5

Keywords: 50 Shades of Grey, fifty shades of grey, dakota johnson, 50 Shades of Gray

Id: F93WHXewX5c

Length: 54min 33sec (3273 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 13 2020